Love Of Mature Men aka Uncle Lovers Discussion + Mature Stocky / Meaty / Bear Type Uncle / Daddy / Older Men (Compiled)

[robin64]

讲...钱...伤感情.....哦！

Edited September 12, 2012 by robin64

[Job Welch]

Yes, when you trust in one.

[firereaver]

There are but they are very very rare to the point where you might only be able to find them through sheer luck.

Even someone who can be really nice to you and help you a lot may not be a true friend. I guess it all depends.

[gstc82]

of cos he is pissed. u got money yet u borrow from him, cos he has money? you shd ask your real life friends and see what they tell u.

[Marineboy]

True friends don't talk about money or religion.

Sorry i have to disagree...you might want to avoid possible friction with frens and it shoud be avoided if one party is not receptive.

But once both parties are above it...we can discuss...agree to disagree respect and embrace diferences to take your frenship to the next level.

WE can still be good frens when we respect that each have their take on things.

How to be true frens when you dare not talk money religion or politics or anything else.

We all must look beyond ourselves ..we disagee strongly and want out way...then that frenship will be tested and likely doomed.

Btw thread starter...why borrow money when you have it...you trust him then his money will now be your reserve wont it?

I believe his offer was because he did not think you had enough...until you say got reserve.

Apologise to him for being selfish....all will be well

Edited September 12, 2012 by Marineboy

[Wilbur]

Yes there are

[gstc82]

Ts, he valued your friendship that's why he was willing to help u out, till u told him u actually has money. Please go apologise to him n I am sure he will be understanding enough to let it go. The more u delay, he may forgo your friendship. What u did to him I guess he felt u are taking advantage of his kindness.

[Guest guest]

pls read clearly . the reserve is for emergency and for the next 13 months payout to insurance. if i use all the reserve to reno than who is helping me in case of emergency and who is paying for my premium? bet u guys never admitted to hospital before. everything is money when u need to be admitted , upfront of $3500 first.or else u can go home.u think every one can help u with $3500 when come to emergency?

[gstc82]

Lol.

[Guest guest]

Ts, if I were u I won't ask for loan if I have reserve, since reno is not important I would wait. U seem to take his kindness for granted.

[Guest guest]

Someone ever said friends r mirror image of yrself. u sound so self centred and immatured as an adult, he is too good to be yr friend.

[Guest guest]

no one is too honest like TS to reveal he have reserve.if some one is out to con u of money he will tell u how poor he is and after loan never pay back.thought there are topic on cheating in irc regarding loan?think TS is not out to cheat , such honest friend are hard to find nowsday.

[Guest guest]

Yes I agreed ts is an honest man, don't u find he so self centred and immatured?

[gstc82]

Selfish is more suitable.

[Guest GUEST]

admire TS for his money management . and it takes 20 yrs or when a emergency pops out than can see a true friend.and also the friend is his finiancial planner so sharing his honest words of his money statue is fine i think .

[Guest Passingthru]

pls read clearly

It's hard to read clearly when you neither write nor express yourself clearly. It takes 2 hands to clap.

How was the subject of renovations broached in the first place? Did you bring up that need? Did he suggest it to you? The answer to these questions is the key to why things soured.

What was the basis for lending you the expense? Out of understanding and empathy due to him being a good friend? Or was he simply accepting your potential to return the loan since money was coming in much later?

Did you tell him right from the start about your financial management, ie, your reserve funds?

From what I've gathered, I believe the friendship soured because he felt "played out" and used. Nobody wants to be treated like an ATM machine.

[Guest guest]

1) he is the friend finacial planner. 2) he suggest that reno now or later u still have to reno. 3) he knew that my money coming in next year. 4) if dun do now later will be christmas follow by cny no workers or contractor too busy.5) than reno can only start in may 2013.by than i would have save enough plus my money all flow in.6)no one take him as ATM.i investing and paying his salary as a financial planner.

[gstc82]

All u want people to tell you is you are "right" and he is "wrong". Oh please don't use that line " u are paying his salary a FA" crap lah, u said u have something like $3.6 k for next 18months so so for your insurance n hospital bills etc, how much can he earn from you? My insurance fees is over $8k a year n my agent dOnt earn much from me. So u felt u are "paying" his salary thus gives u the right to "lord" over him? Lol.

[Guest Passingthru]

1) he is the friend finacial planner. 2) he suggest that reno now or later u still have to reno. 3) he knew that my money coming in next year. 4) if dun do now later will be christmas follow by cny no workers or contractor too busy.5) than reno can only start in may 2013.by than i would have save enough plus my money all flow in.6)no one take him as ATM.i investing and paying his salary as a financial planner.

I don't know lah. I feel there's still something missing from the whole story. I find it inconceivable that a financial planner can't understand your logic. Moreover, a friend of 20 years.

Having said that, I do know of insurance agents who are so focussed, trained and used to keep receiving that when it comes to giving or making the first move, there's such a palpable heaviness and reluctance akin to the proverbial bullock cart's wheel.....even when they can well afford it. I'm just wondering if this is the case here.

[Guest guest]

it might be a tough year for me in 2012. but all will end well on 2nd quarter of next year.never depend on friends for loan that is my advise, always depends on one self.next year will know wat to put in my will for those who have help me when i was sick and alone.

[Fe5000]

i only hear your part of the story.

[Guest guest]

topic already close.dun bring bad memory.conclusion there is no true friend, only trust yrself and must have saving and a roof.

[Guest Ironrod]

topic already close.dun bring bad memory.conclusion there is no true friend, only trust yrself and must have saving and a roof.

After reading this I finally realize why some ppl are single for life.

I am totally amazed by the communication put through this topic.

Yes, trust yourself and must have saving and a roof - this is a basic requirement of a human being.

Remember friends is not your FATHER, not your MOTHER, they are not even your SIBLINGS.

This is not even a gay problem, i would say your character is flawed.

Hope you enjoy celebrating your BD alone yearly.

[Guest Guest]

gstc82 is here to 加盐加醋 again!!!

[friendWB]

TS, agreed with most of the BWers here that correcting your 'wrongful' thoughts.

You have savings but for yourself as reserve. I only can tell u that u R honest but u really have selfish personality which made you wanting to loan money from your friend.

We always associate friend as a mean or a tool to help us. Have we as person help them, care for them or consistently and willingly maintain a close relationship with them.

Guess u should sit down and understand your personality before chasing your 20yrs old friend away.

Btw, if my friend needs to foot medical bill or other important bills and broke, I would consider to offer them free interest loan or as a gift within my mean. But if he loans for reno and further more can wait, I would ask him to 'fly kite'.

[Guest henry]

topic lock and close.

[Guest Passingthru]

I believe it all started with poor communication. Right from the start, if the TS had simply told his friend that he has money but it isn't budgeted for the reno, things would have progressed differently. I think the so called financial planner would have understood and then it would be up to him if he wanted to make a cash advancement based on trust, friendship and the fact that money would be realised the following year.

I also get the feeling that the TS feels his friend is obligated to him due to the years of premiums paid. This is unhealthy because for me I pay premiums for the product, not to enslave the seller or blackmail him emotionally. The fact that the seller earns from me is incidental and part of the scheme. It's the product and its benefits which I focus on.

To put it simply, it's called transparency. Apart from poor communication, I sense the TS practises strategic ambiguity. Poor integrity is not a good/clean foundation for a friendship.

[Guest stbrianud]

Okay... Read quite a bit...

Well here's what I think...

He, as u said, being rich, tend to have to propensity to be paranoid when money is involved. Never really knowing for sure if u are friends with him for the friendship or for the money. Though 20years is a really long time. But if it's like just a casual friendship then of course it's a bit to ask too much. That being said. I believe u should talk to him and assure him that u are not using him.

Man there is always 2sides. Maybe just talk to him alright? A 20year old friendship should not dwindle because of money.. In fact NOTHING emotional or relational should fall because of money. If it does, there's definitely a problem with the relationship.

I believe the comment on true friends don't talk about money is wrong. True friends talk about about everything. But money is always a touchy subject with most. My bf has problems with money at times and I offered to help. But he refused cause he knew that it is risky for a new relationship to talk financial complications this early. I know that too. But it was a risk I was willing to take. On hindsight, it wasn't a very smart thing. Thank god he denied...

Anyways, I hope things go well with u 2... Talk things through alright...

[zwei]

Real friends will help in terms of emergency (hospitalized /bails etc) its not with your stupid renovation..... That thing is your own luxury.... It's like asking money to do plastic surgery cause you hate your nose

Edited September 21, 2012 by zwei

[Guest stbrianud]

Real friends will help in terms of emergency (hospitalized /bails etc) its not with your stupid renovation..... That thing is your own luxury.... It's like asking money to do plastic surgery cause you hate your nose

Haha true... Unless his house is super jialat haha

[zwei]

Or house caught on fire or something...

[snowball]

人总想有个良友, 却处处计较。

人总想有个知己却无法将心比心。

人总爱站在自己角度看问题, 却因此无法看清自己。

不妨自问, 红颜知己虽难寻, 但自己是否已经具备了这个条件?

人真是个复杂矛盾的动物。

Edited September 21, 2012 by snowball

[Guest PASSERBY]

i read through . there is mention sick. there is mention inSurance claim, maybe TS is not renovating for luxury but for handicap purposes? those mock at him will get yr Karma.

[gstc82]

i read through . there is mention sick. there is mention inSurance claim, maybe TS is not renovating for luxury but for handicap purposes? those mock at him will get yr Karma.

Stop miss use the word "karma", u mentioned those who "mocked" ts, who mocked ts? Ts posted his "problems" here, he is asking for opinions. If u "assumed" ts want to only hear the "gd news", pla advise him to go elsewhere. And again, pls cut and past this topic n show us who "mocked" ts and what karma u talk about.

[zwei]

I agree with snowball...

Brief tranlation;

Humans always need a true friend yet they are way too picky

Humans wanted a soul mate yet they don't want to see things in a leveled position. Or open up themselves?

Humans tend to see things at their own angle and not from another person's shoe

So why don't you ask yourself, a true friend may be difficult to find but do you have the qualities first?

Humans are such complicated beings...

Sorry if I translate wrongly...

[mvoo]

money are like always the root of the problem.

but then again, renovation? you should probably just use your own cash uh?

it's like in ns, all the braces or/to beautify yourself (teeth for example) you need to fork out with your own money instead of saf paying for you to do all these so called cosmetic surgery. renovating is something like that too, to beautify your own house.

hope my example isn't weird. :/

[Hop3]

is it so difficult to hv a gay friend in singapore? or face and body factor are needed?

[Guest faynic]

felt the same as you.

[Alexandre]

Guess u're a new member here, however be mindful not to include your personal particulars in this forum, if you must, u can choose to private message(PM) other mmbrs using the functions found above.

[iamziz]

Seriously, honestly, frankly (most) gay men tend to have their own definition of friendship which is not English or whatever the common language is but a customised one to their own that changes whenever it suits them and if the criteria for the day or the moment fails to satisfy them, I am afraid a friendship will not be built.

Their common criteria - looks, age, skin tone, roles in bed, race etc etc etc. What is difficult to find is those who define friendship as it is:

What is Friendship?

Friendship is being kind and compassionate to another person. Being honest, open and available for another person. Being on their side to support them even if you don't always agree with them is the sign of a good friend.

Quoted from Dictionary.com

Until then, it is simply a fake friendship just like what we see/read often 'friendly/easy going' etc but a big lie. When they get what they want, they are there when they don't get what they want, they are nowhere to be found.

Edited October 20, 2012 by iamziz

[SoSonni]

I agree with Ziz that a lot of us tend to have our own definition of friendship when it comes to gay men. In fact, they seem to have two different definitions where one is used in their every day lives while the other is used when trying to hunt gay friends. That is the problem. I think it is much easier to befriend somebody and later finding out he is gay rather than finding a gay first and befriend him later.

That being said, I think it's normal for us to want to befriend other guys with the same sexuality as us because we assume there is a certain level of understanding as to what we are going through in life. In my opinion, what we have to learn in this community is to drop the expectations we have for our partners when what we are looking for are friends.

[Hop3]

I agree with ziz and sonni, this is what I am lookin for in here. but many of them see face and body first and then will say "come and lets be friend" and thats happen to me when I stay in here. well may be some of them looking for perfection perhaps or may be they misjudge with what friend I meant.

I just want to hv some friends in singapore, and do activities like go to local culinary and some good places to take pictures since I am from Indonesia and come here for vacation. if you go to Indonesia and in my hometown, I will be gladly to help u to know my country.

[iamziz]

In my opinion, what we have to learn in this community is to drop the expectations we have for our partners when what we are looking for are friends.

Yes. Look for a friend and exclude factors of looking for a fxxk buddy or ons or lovers. If any of the fxxk buddies, ons flings or lovers become a friend eventually, it is a bonus. Besides, it takes time to 'upgrade' an acquaintance to be a friend just like it takes time to utter I love you to a lover.

[Hop3]

yes is that right zis, thats what I am looking for in here...mind to meet me? lolz. I just want to hv friends in here. pure friendship, no other stuff like u mentioned bfore but still difficult to make people think correctly. T-T

[iamziz]

U have to be careful with 'mind to meet me' here as the moderators might take it as a personal ad! Send pm message to me or anyone instead.

:-p

[SoSonni]

The only thing I look for in friendships is that we have to click. Meeting people through online social networks without prior knowledge of their background can be dangerous. Spending money and time for a stranger you might not be able to click with can be seen as a waste of time. Perhaps you could start by chatting them up and see well the conversation goes. You can easily see if both sides are putting an effort into it, perhaps then you could arrange a meet up. This approach seems to be on the cautious side, but meeting a stranger through a friend or event is different from meeting someone online.

[outernet]

The problem I always encounter is that let's say I get to know this fellow from, say Grindr, and we could chat online or via whatsapp non-stop and then we finally arranged to meet. The meetup was fine and I thought nothing went wrong.

After after one or two meetups we seem to have chatted less on whatsapp and neither party bothers to follow up with the 3rd meetup. And slowly but surely, we don't seem to talk anymore and the supposed new friendship dissolves to being strangers.

And so I let go and say 'next'. Then try to know the next guy and chat, and meetup, and then after that, no more follow up, and then 'next'. And the cycle goes on and on and on.

So, where is exactly real friendship in our aj circle? I'm not even expecting finding true love. Even true platonic friendship seems like a delusion...

[skylancer]

I am also facing the same encounter as the rest. My personal view on friendship is simple, a friend who can share feelings, ideas and tots. (No body or sex involved). And i only know a few who are worth that but hope can find more in future... Anyone keen?

[merlinkun]

I have a nice and simple friendship with my computer. I spend a lot of time with her everyday.

[sexfiend]

I have a nice and simple friendship with my computer. I spend a lot of time with her everyday.

Nice one! At least u won't be barked at!