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Why are gays so heartless? Please help me to understand


Guest jadedboy

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Guest jadedboy

Scenario 1

We are chatting fine on Grindr or Jackd. All of a sudden, the conversation stops...

 

Scenario 2

We got comfortable enough with each other to exchange WhatsApp. We continue to chat for a few days but then the conversation stops...

 

Scenario 3

We met up and even went out more than once. We watched movie, held hands, kissed and jo for each other. We were happily chatting and planning for our next outing, the conversation stops...

 

In all the scenario above, the conversation stops for no reason from the other party. In most cases, I'm not even blocked. 

 

I hate the feeling of being left hanging, not knowing what have I done wrong or have said anything wrong.

 

Why can't gays be more sincere towards others? If you are not keen in the first place, don't exchange no. If you are not interested, don't go out on a second date. 

 

And at least give me a reason why our conversation stops... no reply or whatsoever.

 

Can someone help me understand? 

 

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7 minutes ago, Guest jadedboy said:

Scenario 1

We are chatting fine on Grindr or Jackd. All of a sudden, the conversation stops...

 

Scenario 2

We got comfortable enough with each other to exchange WhatsApp. We continue to chat for a few days but then the conversation stops...

 

Scenario 3

We met up and even went out more than once. We watched movie, held hands, kissed and jo for each other. We were happily chatting and planning for our next outing, the conversation stops...

 

In all the scenario above, the conversation stops for no reason from the other party. In most cases, I'm not even blocked. 

 

I hate the feeling of being left hanging, not knowing what have I done wrong or have said anything wrong.

 

Why can't gays be more sincere towards others? If you are not keen in the first place, don't exchange no. If you are not interested, don't go out on a second date. 

 

And at least give me a reason why our conversation stops... no reply or whatsoever.

 

Can someone help me understand? 

 

Haha..you deserved and deserve to be left hanging..you said GAYs are heartless based on your experiences. 

 

Let me help you understand. Most likely you are boring, talking to you is like talking to the wall..or a 5 year old. You are immature and you are always talking about yourself. 

 

Yes. That is how I see you even if i had never met u before. It is no way as bad as what you claimed the whole Gay population is.

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TS just move on .

You are not alone .

Have to accept this cruel fact that some are just taking you for granted .

I had my experience too like you and hated this kind of not knowing what went wrong , hanging in the air , without any proper closure at all.

Of course there are still genuine ones around , I have had a few of them who are now my close friends for a few years .

So don't be disheartened )

 

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is not easy to have genuine gay friend, if u found them, cherish them....there are a lot of weird people around, be it straight or gay, just that it seems we had a shorter span of attention compare to the straight, we get bored easily be it friend, sex partner etc. and always lookout for something / someone new and exciting, I can keep straight friend for more than 20 years but I can't keep gay friend for more than 2 years, not everything in life have an explaination, so just accept and move on with your life, why bothered yourself with someone who is insignificant?

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The only thing common in all 3 scenarios you've described is you. There is a consistent pattern whereby after chatting or spending time with you, the conversation stops. Were you chatting about something that can be sensitive for some guys? Figure out what is the common point. 

Love. 

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5 hours ago, Guest Chiong said:

garbage_truck.jpg

The Law of the Garbage Truck

How often do you let other people's nonsense change your mood? Do you let a bad driver, rude waiter, curt boss, or an insensitive employee ruin your day? Unless you're the Terminator, for an instant you're probably set back on your heels.

However, the mark of a successful person is how quickly she can get back her focus on what's important.

Sixteen years ago I learned this lesson.

I learned it in the back of a New York City taxi cab.

Here's what happened.

 

 

Interesting concept.  I shall try to practice it.  Thank you for sharing.

 

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@guest jadedboy - I have had a couple of dudes who did the same to me under Scenario 3, i.e. when they stop replying to me after several "dates" and outings together, some to the extent of wanting to meet my friends and hang out together. So you are not alone. I have come to realize that there are just people like these. So, it may not be you. It could be them. They may have their own issues with commitment or like someone said, there is some body else in the picture. I know it is especially hard esp under Scenario 3, but shit happens. Like you, I wished to find out why they are such irrational beings, & I suffer with this thought by having endless sleepless nights thinking about what I had done wrong and turning over and over the minutest of details on what I could have done better. I slowly internalized and come to see that no good will come out of it anyhow.

 

I often think too much while I am with someone, and when they whisper sweet nothings, I don't necessarily believe them. When they are gone, these moments become much bigger than they actually were and are magnified when you are trying to get over him - almost playing on repeat in my mind. I again start to reminiscence on what could have happened if I had just gone with the flow. What am I trying to say? Always treasure the moment while it lasts. I am sure they meant what they say when they said it. But things change. So, the words don't mean nothing when it's all over. And when the time comes to let go, we should try to do so. I have found meditation a great help when it comes to this. If you have issues letting go, try it. It worked for me.

 

Having said that, each of them have had a profound impact on me and my life. As a person, it is an enriching yet painful experience, almost bittersweet, when someone affects your life that way. 

 

Good luck! 

I see good in people, until they show me otherwise.

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14 hours ago, Guest jadedboy said:

Scenario 1

We are chatting fine on Grindr or Jackd. All of a sudden, the conversation stops...

 

Scenario 2

We got comfortable enough with each other to exchange WhatsApp. We continue to chat for a few days but then the conversation stops...

 

Scenario 3

We met up and even went out more than once. We watched movie, held hands, kissed and jo for each other. We were happily chatting and planning for our next outing, the conversation stops...

 

In all the scenario above, the conversation stops for no reason from the other party. In most cases, I'm not even blocked. 

 

I hate the feeling of being left hanging, not knowing what have I done wrong or have said anything wrong.

 

Why can't gays be more sincere towards others? If you are not keen in the first place, don't exchange no. If you are not interested, don't go out on a second date. 

 

And at least give me a reason why our conversation stops... no reply or whatsoever.

 

Can someone help me understand? 

 

Bro.. GET USE TO IT. It has been a few decades and it never changes.

 

A Gay man does not mean something special about him and someone so damn nice and kind to the world that is why we must accept them as the rhetoric goes . Strip it all down, they are just another Human Being with all the usual trappings

 

Human are born inherently selfish if you must know. heh

Edited by upshot

** Comments are my opinions, same as yours. It's not a 'Be-All-and-End-All' view. Intent's to thought-provoke, validate, reiterate and yes, even correct. Opinion to consider but agree to disagree. I don't enjoy conflicted exchanges, empty bravado or egoistical chest pounding. It's never personal, tribalistic or with malice. Frank by nature, means, I never bend the truth. Views are to broaden understanding - Updated: Nov 2021.

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Guest jadedboy
13 hours ago, up2xgd said:

@guest jadedboy - I have had a couple of dudes who did the same to me under Scenario 3, i.e. when they stop replying to me after several "dates" and outings together, some to the extent of wanting to meet my friends and hang out together. So you are not alone. I have come to realize that there are just people like these. So, it may not be you. It could be them. They may have their own issues with commitment or like someone said, there is some body else in the picture. I know it is especially hard esp under Scenario 3, but shit happens. Like you, I wished to find out why they are such irrational beings, & I suffer with this thought by having endless sleepless nights thinking about what I had done wrong and turning over and over the minutest of details on what I could have done better. I slowly internalized and come to see that no good will come out of it anyhow.

 

I often think too much while I am with someone, and when they whisper sweet nothings, I don't necessarily believe them. When they are gone, these moments become much bigger than they actually were and are magnified when you are trying to get over him - almost playing on repeat in my mind. I again start to reminiscence on what could have happened if I had just gone with the flow. What am I trying to say? Always treasure the moment while it lasts. I am sure they meant what they say when they said it. But things change. So, the words don't mean nothing when it's all over. And when the time comes to let go, we should try to do so. I have found meditation a great help when it comes to this. If you have issues letting go, try it. It worked for me.

 

Having said that, each of them have had a profound impact on me and my life. As a person, it is an enriching yet painful experience, almost bittersweet, when someone affects your life that way. 

 

Good luck! 

 

Thanks for everyone's reply.

 

@up2xgd What you just described is how I've been feeling for the past few days.

 

Having gone through such ordeals before, I know I will get over him as days go by but I never forget the sweet memories of the places we went, how we feed each other popcorn in the movie and he looked at me with his eyes while lying on my laps even though everything is short lived.

 

I might take a longer time to recover for this person because just when I thought I've finally found someone, he stops replying. I even make plans for Valentine's Day only to realize it's not necessary anymore...

 

"The first meeting is always the sweetest."

 

Over the years, I've also learnt to treasure my first meet up with every single person as I won't know what will happen next after we part. We might not see each other ever again although Sg is so small. Every reply could be the last...

 

Happy Valentine's Day to all.

 

Topic closed.

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2 hours ago, Guest jadedboy said:

 

Happy Valentine's Day to all.

 

 

Happy valentine day to you too.

 

But please stop blaming the whole gay population.

Instead of "Why are gays so heartless"  you should write:

"Why are PEOPLE so heartless".

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16 minutes ago, Guest Reality said:

People are heartless, but gays are more heartless. Stigma causes gays to care much more about ownself...

 

Well, blame everyone else but yourself. We are responsible for our own actions. No one asked or forced you to behave in a "heartless" manner. You choose to. :)

Love. 

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Guest 残忍动物
2 minutes ago, doncoin said:

 

Well, blame everyone else but yourself. We are responsible for our own actions. No one asked or forced you to behave in a "heartless" manner. You choose to. :)

Many choose to.

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3 hours ago, Guest 残忍动物 said:

很大部分gay的心肠都蛮毒的。动物的残暴性还是挺强烈的。人性灿烂光明辉煌的那面有待开发!

 

there r straight people who r jealous, evil and wicked. Regardless of orientation.

鍾意就好,理佢男定女

 

never argue with the guests. let them bark all they want.

 

结缘不结

不解缘

 

After I have said what I wanna say, I don't care what you say.

 

看穿不说穿

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On ‎2‎/‎2‎/‎2017 at 11:32 PM, Guest jadedboy said:

Scenario 1

We are chatting fine on Grindr or Jackd. All of a sudden, the conversation stops...

 

Scenario 2

We got comfortable enough with each other to exchange WhatsApp. We continue to chat for a few days but then the conversation stops...

 

Scenario 3

We met up and even went out more than once. We watched movie, held hands, kissed and jo for each other. We were happily chatting and planning for our next outing, the conversation stops...

 

In all the scenario above, the conversation stops for no reason from the other party. In most cases, I'm not even blocked. 

 

I hate the feeling of being left hanging, not knowing what have I done wrong or have said anything wrong.

 

Why can't gays be more sincere towards others? If you are not keen in the first place, don't exchange no. If you are not interested, don't go out on a second date. 

 

And at least give me a reason why our conversation stops... no reply or whatsoever.

 

Can someone help me understand? 

 

 

I can only say they are not sincere. have got many guys saying keen to meet for this and that after chatted and exchaning pics, even excahnge phn number. but some ppl are forever not free. They are keen but they are nvr free. Time waster. I will just tell them off and delete them. If someone wants to meet, they will make time. This are the ppl who love to chat and exchanging contacts just for the sake of it.

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3 hours ago, fab said:

 

there r straight people who r jealous, evil and wicked. Regardless of orientation.

Yes but gays got much much more. Especially the cmi and sissy ones.

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come on people.. its all "pasture on the other side is always greener". i'm sure straights would say "gays had it much easier.. dont need to deal with women.. guys are so much easier to understand blah blah blah". it all boils down to individuals. some people said they are keen for friends but during conversation, ask questions after questions about your sex life.. is that normal conversation for friends? some times maybe.. every single time? nope..

 

TS.. it could be the way you chat.. it could also be some1 more interesting pop out and they shifted their focus to others.. there are millions of reasons. nothing is fixed in the stone.. what you can do is, move on.. if u cant let go, you shouldn't hold on to it in the first place.. think of it this way, its just individual preference.. just like you have yours, they have theirs too.. 

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6 hours ago, Guest Lifee said:

Yes but gays got much much more. Especially the cmi and sissy ones.

 

If u r gay, i m so sad for u for your hatred towards your own community.

 

If u r not, i can tell u there r equally many heartless straight men n women, if not more.

Edited by fab

鍾意就好,理佢男定女

 

never argue with the guests. let them bark all they want.

 

结缘不结

不解缘

 

After I have said what I wanna say, I don't care what you say.

 

看穿不说穿

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Dating websites are always like that, even for straight people, there is usually no emotional attachment to a person because you don't know them well. I am not saying that dating websites/app don't help but it is very rare for a proper rs to work out. Best case is "irl friend -> mutual attraction -> date -> relationship". 

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To a lesser or greater degree of SELF PRESERVATION.

** Comments are my opinions, same as yours. It's not a 'Be-All-and-End-All' view. Intent's to thought-provoke, validate, reiterate and yes, even correct. Opinion to consider but agree to disagree. I don't enjoy conflicted exchanges, empty bravado or egoistical chest pounding. It's never personal, tribalistic or with malice. Frank by nature, means, I never bend the truth. Views are to broaden understanding - Updated: Nov 2021.

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On 04/02/2017 at 0:37 PM, kaze said:

come on people.. its all "pasture on the other side is always greener". i'm sure straights would say "gays had it much easier.. dont need to deal with women.. guys are so much easier to understand blah blah blah".

 

That's quite interesting and something I've never considered.

 

I've always thought that straight guys generally despise guys like us. I wonder if a part of them actually envy us secretly, or at least think that we somehow have it easier when it comes to dating 

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Guest Evil gays
On 04/02/2017 at 1:54 PM, fab said:

 

If u r gay, i m so sad for u for your hatred towards your own community.

 

If u r not, i can tell u there r equally many heartless straight men n women, if not more.

I don't hate the entire gay community, just the bitchy and 心里不平衡 sour grapes who enjoy taking it out on others whom they lust after and envy but couldn't get. And there are A LOT of this type around. Some of them are even closeted.

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Guest Evil gays

I think gays reject others by disappearing as a revenge act for previous hurt or they don't want to be the "bad guy" who rejects another through verbal signs so he simply disappeared by remaining silent. Though that appears more saintly on the surface by not verbalizing that rejection and or reasons but it actually hurts the other party even more by not giving him closure. And that's real evil!

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So long as you want to get into the ONS culture.. best you grow a thicker skin and that is the fact. In the gay scene there is less inclination to couple up or at time couple up for long term. The duo dynamics is just not as biologically motivated unlike a true male female as a survive mode and means to perpetuate the human race. For a normal coupling, the offspring obligation is yet another bond that bind over time when the sexual urge drop. And I feel the more a unconventional couple try to act like what a normal str8 male and female couple do, you will never be able to come to term with who you truly and how you should behave. This culture for gays or an yother type of sexuality or gender identity is too new and it will be generations to come before that argument of how to behave is settled.

 

Notice that? Each time we debate over something the non str8 people do, we always come back tot he str8 person's yardstick. We mimic more times then we dare to admit thus sometime we do things and somehow find it weird why we are EXPECT to do or bahave a certain way. For example, because you love each other, do you really think holding hands is a MUST? hold it in public is more important then at home? Things like that.. for some I am sure, they say yes but I am sure for others they say nay. Str8 couples are now starting to rethink their own gender roles in the modern work. Whatever persuasion you are, I feel you should do what comes right and feel right for you.

 

Maybe that is why we have situations like this... it might be bad to fuck and run. But if I tell you I will fuck and that is it. then can you still take it or will you then say no? I agree it is good to be up front to say it and be honest but for some, that is just not it. Just be careful who you fall for too easily and let your heart fly but stay grounded and be prepared for the worst.

 

This happens in the str8 relationship and ONS culture too... your story is not some punishment by some god. It happens but there could also be a happy ending out there too. but would you recognize it if it does if it does not happen in the usual conventional way?

** Comments are my opinions, same as yours. It's not a 'Be-All-and-End-All' view. Intent's to thought-provoke, validate, reiterate and yes, even correct. Opinion to consider but agree to disagree. I don't enjoy conflicted exchanges, empty bravado or egoistical chest pounding. It's never personal, tribalistic or with malice. Frank by nature, means, I never bend the truth. Views are to broaden understanding - Updated: Nov 2021.

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On 04/02/2017 at 5:18 AM, Guest 残忍动物 said:

很大部分gay的心肠都蛮毒的。动物的残暴性还是挺强烈的。人性灿烂光明辉煌的那面有待开发!

 

不会啊,我们也做慈善、义工等,何以用“毒”这个字。毒不毒不在于性取向,而在于人,也有异性恋的小人和毒妇啊。

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Guest Sugar cane
2 hours ago, The_Bride said:

 

不会啊,我们也做慈善、义工等,何以用“毒”这个字。毒不毒不在于性取向,而在于人,也有异性恋的小人和毒妇啊。

岁啦!可同性恋相比之下就多了很多小人和毒妇啦。这跟心里不平衡和动物生存机能有关。其实做慈善和义工也跟生存之道有关。就是美化形象嘛。就跟用cosmetics来修饰面孔一样的。最终都成为一种weapon或shield能保护到自己。有的也只是想透过做义工来扩大交友圈和寻找另一半。做义工就代表着佛心大爱光明的话不会有那么多charity被busted as诈骗集团啦!

 

现在真正的好人少之又少。末法年代。不代表帅又做善事就称得上是好人。好人是不会动不动就做损人利己的事地。

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Guest Sugar cane

新加坡宗教社会嘛。做gay出来玩享受都挺矛盾!很容易一敏感起来抓子跟毒妇anima就跑出来了。都挺可怕!

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Guest 烈女。

总之gays比straights更容易在人际关系上动不动就张牙舞抓。真好gay(比起假好gay)死的最快 - 破绽多兼怕死gays之想法。

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10 hours ago, Guest Sugar cane said:

岁啦!可同性恋相比之下就多了很多小人和毒妇啦。这跟心里不平衡和动物生存机能有关。其实做慈善和义工也跟生存之道有关。就是美化形象嘛。就跟用cosmetics来修饰面孔一样的。最终都成为一种weapon或shield能保护到自己。有的也只是想透过做义工来扩大交友圈和寻找另一半。做义工就代表着佛心大爱光明的话不会有那么多charity被busted as诈骗集团啦!

 

现在真正的好人少之又少。末法年代。不代表帅又做善事就称得上是好人。好人是不会动不动就做损人利己的事地。

 

No no no, 说这样的话不公平哦。没有官方或组织问卷报告,怎么证“明同性恋相比之下就多了很多小人和毒妇啦。” 不可以以一竹竿打翻一船人哦。

 

“其实做慈善和义工也跟生存之道有关。就是美化形象嘛。就跟用cosmetics来修饰面孔一样的。” 大哥,拜托,别糟蹋人家的好意好吗?太悲观了吧。。。真的有真诚地做善事的LGBT哦。

 

你是被人坑过吗?

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Guest Poh kim
17 hours ago, The_Bride said:

 

No no no, 说这样的话不公平哦。没有官方或组织问卷报告,怎么证“明同性恋相比之下就多了很多小人和毒妇啦。” 不可以以一竹竿打翻一船人哦。

 

“其实做慈善和义工也跟生存之道有关。就是美化形象嘛。就跟用cosmetics来修饰面孔一样的。” 大哥,拜托,别糟蹋人家的好意好吗?太悲观了吧。。。真的有真诚地做善事的LGBT哦。

 

你是被人坑过吗?

很明显的我不是说全部都这样,虽然也不敢说大多数,但确实是很多是。

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It's not that Gays are heartless. It's that humans tend to be heartless regardless of gender. Also you must first look at the situation of the other party, maybe he's in trouble or deep shit situation and could not tell you about it. The easy way, ask them. If they said nothings wrong and still not active and as responsive as before, confront them and tell them your worries. You only get left hanging if you let yourself to be so. 

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Guest Some gays are subhuman

To let another move on, one needs to allow closure. That's the decent thing to do. Even if one is not keen on developing further, he should have responded. Even a lame "it's not you it's me" is better than no sound no picture. That's the the least he could do. TS already stated he tried to messge him but he simply didn't reply anymore. That's denying TS a proper closure, a very inhumane thing to do.

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Guest Got lah

Not all like that lah.... I met someone from here three years ago. First meeting he sucked me off at a staircase and I only got to touch his cock. He swallowed and was so hard when I came! next few meetings were abt the same.... we met he sucked me until I came. I tried to suck him but he didn't seem to enjoy and he said it takes him a long time to cum... 

long story short... we have now been together for 3 years... we have moved on to kissing, cuddling, he let him fuck him a few times but he didn't seem to enjoy... and I still have but been able to suck him till he comes...he didn't seem to mind that I couldn't bring him as much pleasure as he brings me. Every time we meet without fail, he sucks me till I cum big time.

so not all meet-ups turn out bad... u just need to find one compatible to you.

 

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I wouldn't call them mean. Wait until some random dude drops you a message to let you know how "ugly" you look. That happened to me while I was in KL. Not putting down bums but I've seen way better looking bums than that dude.

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  • 5 months later...
Guest David

I broke up with my boyfriend last week because he cheated on me. I hate him alot. Really? How can he do that to me. I gave my all to him while we were together. All the attention. He leftme for an ugly guy with red sports car. So shallow.

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  • G_M changed the title to Why are gays so heartless? Please help me to understand
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