A very short and real life story, let's call in Indulgence in Self Pitiless

[Guest Self Pity]

I am writing this …… you can say is just venting out or simply self pitying myself. Not really wanting your pity because I can pity myself, no need yours.

If you are interested, you can continued, if not you have nothing to loose.

Since young, I have been a hardworking and a typical obedient boy, not smart though. My results despite how hard I work is always the bottom 10.

 I think my mum gave out on me on my studies but still I am a good boy in many people eyes. To my teacher, I am not the bad ones, just cannot study.

 

So when people get 13 years to complete their studies, I took 15 years. So with 2.5 years in the army, I am a late comer in the working world.

 

My first job was a engineer, but during then as a poly grad, we are nothing to the company compare to the university grad. We do all the low end job while they are prepare to be managers.

 I decided to take a bold step and goes into sales. But I am not a sales talker. The bosses and my clients like me for only my “guai guai” character and sincerity.

 

Then, I find a friend at this company and very soon we develop into a buddy buddy. After 2 years, both of us were promoted to team leads. I was doing quite well but not fantastic  only because my boss like my "guan guan" character.

Soon , my this buddy asked me to start off a company together to fulfill our start business dream. I agree immediately coz I also have a liking for him. We start, we failed, we start and we make it. The process has bond us closer together.

He was more aggressive than me and he wants to take over the lead in our then 9 staffs company, I allowed it since I agree he contribute more than me in the success of this company.

 

During this time, I fell into depression. Mainly because of

1. I have a infatuation of him, I become petty when we do not do things together

2. He keeps pushing and questioning me over my work and role. Yes, the way he push can be demanding and he can roti prata his words. I felt so confused by him.

3. I develop inferior complex. (more to be share below)

 

I went to see a psychologist, he was useless. He just sat there and let me talk then he stop me when the times is up and prescribe medication for me. The pills was better than him, the pills made my brain becomes so light, so carefree, so happy. I actually forgot my problems. 

 

Then he wants to expand the company and we take up a loan. We failed in the expansion and we were declared bankrupt.

 

We departed our working ways but we still kept in close contact.

 

During this period, I work as an employee and I also tried to do my own businesses. My buddy was kind enough, everytime I start a biz, he supported me, but everytime it failed.

 

I know I am not a businessman type. I just wanted to prove myself. Prove what? Because I have become inferior during my business venture with him. People only see him and not me, people see the company success is because of him, people only see me as a second or at times do not even see me. I started to self pity.

 

Now standing at my mid life, I have woken up from trying too hard to prove to others and myself that I can be on par with or better than him.

 I failed. He is now earning $10k per month, whereas now I am doing freelancing work earning only 1 to 2k per month. Even the worst of my friends is earning about 6k.

Now I have nothing. My saving has no more, no work, no cert. I am penniless. can’t even find a job that I wanted, not even a sales executive and worst still a bankrupt after 10 years.

 

Now I felt inferior, depress and useless. Why did my life end up like that? 

[FluteGuan]

That means he is also still a bankrupt like you, but he did manage to make $10k a month now?

 

Dont have to compare with others. Just be happy with yourself.

as long as you are better today than who you were YESteRDAY, tts all that counts.

[Guest Self Pity]

8 minutes ago, FluteGuan said:

That means he is also still a bankrupt like you, but he did manage to make $10k a month now?

 

Dont have to compare with others. Just be happy with yourself.

as long as you are better today than who you were YESteRDAY, tts all that counts.

Thank you for your kind words.

 

FYI, 

He was already release from bankruptcy. I do not know why are they still keeping me. I do my monthly payment too

He has moved on to become a sales director.

 

[fab]

48 minutes ago, FluteGuan said:

That means he is also still a bankrupt like you, but he did manage to make $10k a month now?

 

Dont have to compare with others. Just be happy with yourself.

as long as you are better today than who you were YESteRDAY, tts all that counts.

 

That's y today is called PRESENT.

[FluteGuan]

48 minutes ago, fab said:

 

That's y today is called PRESENT.

Live today as if it's a present given to you by the One above

 

Much luv

[FluteGuan]

1 hour ago, Guest Self Pity said:

Thank you for your kind words.

 

FYI, 

He was already release from bankruptcy. I do not know why are they still keeping me. I do my monthly payment too

He has moved on to become a sales director.

 

You cant rush life, or force it to turn or twist fast enough, in the way you hope it will turn  out,

 

Take each step as it comes.

As long as youre not wanting, and can live on by, dont stress yourself out.

 

 

If your pay is lower than your expectations, live within your means. Find satisfaction in other forms.

 

find a hobby.

plant a cacti.

Pet a stray.

 

Watch the rain pelt on the housing estates.

catch the first ray of the morning sun

and see the skies paint dusk with streaks of magenta and crimson.

 

 

 

 

Take your mind off the pressing issues,

 

Be thankful you are still alive...and well.

 

Edited March 7, 2017 by FluteGuan

[Guest Guest]

"Look at the sparrows; they do not know what they will do in the next moment. Let us literally live from moment to moment.”– Mahatma Gandhi


 

[Guest Guest]

“When I hear somebody sigh, ‘Life is hard,’ I am always tempted to ask, ‘Compared to what?’”– Sydney HarrisTS..we feel you just hope that you will learn to let go of your past , live in the present moment and be thankful that you are still alive , above all don't be too hard on yourself , don't have to compare with others too , life is very short , Contentment and happiness and good health is most important !

Hugs)

 

[Guest Self Pity]

Thank u everyone for your encouragements.

[alone_lonely]

don't give up on hopes

you don't have to be a great person for the world, but you must be the best of you. having written this reflection has shown that you still have hopes

[fab]

Success is not measured by wealth.

[EasleyLim]

5 minutes ago, fab said:

Success is not measured by wealth.

 

Based on what he has written, it doesn't seem like he succeeded in non-wealth areas either.

[tinkero]

Actually if u realised.. when u talk to many people... everyone.. is damm stressed out.... its how u manage it lor... 

Sometimes we think only we get shit.... in fact everyone is going thru shit...

 

 

 

 

 

[fab]

30 minutes ago, EasleyLim said:

 

Based on what he has written, it doesn't seem like he succeeded in non-wealth areas either.

 

He is kind.

[EasleyLim]

1 minute ago, fab said:

 

He is kind.

 

 

In what way? Being a pushover is not the same as being kind. 

[FluteGuan]

Same qn, from where do you see his kindness? 

[fab]

Obedient. Guai guai. Good. Sincere.

[CKW]

Just some random thoughts to share  

 

I feel very sad and sorry reading your life story. I have seen more than a few sincere, honest and hardworking people who struggle a lot in life, for various reasons. 

 

Firstly, not everyone has a good business acumen. Just because you don't make a good businessman, it doesn't mean that you are 'stupid' or are a 'failure'. Different people excel are different things, and not everyone is meant for business.

 

People succeed and fail for all sorts of reasons, and often, it is due to reasons beyond their control. Importantly, don't stress and torture yourself by constantly comparing yourself to your peers in an unfair manner. Often, our comparisons to others are very skewed, biased, inaccurate and self-sabotaging. As long as you are constantly improving and upgrading yourself, that's more important.

 

For now, try to find any job to help you tide through your difficulties. I take it that you are unmarried and unattached? If so, this is the perfect time to focus on your work. You may need to take on a second, part-time job if you think you can manage. (But watch your health and fitness too.)

 

In feng shui, it is taught that a large part of a person's success comes from having a benefactor (贵人 ). I like it that people notice that you are a good, down-to-earth person. That will definitely attract the right type of benefactor in your life. 

 

Also, not sure what your beliefs are, but feng shui teaches that metaphysical/supernatural forces can influence a person's destiny, health, wealth, career.

 

So see if you can get a trusted friend or priest/pastor/rabbi to pray for you. If you believe in feng shui, you can Google to see what you can do to improve your networking (the 贵人) and career luck. A lot of information which feng shui masters would normally charge you for previously can now be accessed online.

 

All the best to you, and I hope everything works out for you!   

 

[EasleyLim]

37 minutes ago, fab said:

Obedient. Guai guai. Good. Sincere.

 

That's some backward logic. Guai is the outcome; not the reason.

 

You're assuming he's kind because he is guai. He could be guai because he's afraid of conflict so he lets people step all over him.

Edited March 8, 2017 by EasleyLim

[FluteGuan]

46 minutes ago, fab said:

Obedient. Guai guai. Good. Sincere.

None of which can be equated with kindness, i am afraid.

 

Ts just needs to look hard in the mirror, search deep into his soul..and pinpoint what is his exact quality that will help him  though. 

 

Build up that quality, transform it into a strength

find a friend. Find solace. Find comfort... but more imptly, find YOURSELF.

 

at the end of the day, you are on your own.

 

take heart.

Edited March 8, 2017 by FluteGuan

[FluteGuan]

14 minutes ago, CKW said:

Just some random thoughts to share  

 

I feel very sad and sorry reading your life story. I have seen more than a few sincere, honest and hardworking people who struggle a lot in life, for various reasons. 

 

Firstly, not everyone has a good business acumen. Just because you don't make a good businessman, it doesn't mean that you are 'stupid' or are a 'failure'. Different people excel are different things, and not everyone is meant for business.

 

People succeed and fail for all sorts of reasons, and often, it is due to reasons beyond their control. Importantly, don't stress and torture yourself by constantly comparing yourself to your peers in an unfair manner. Often, our comparisons to others are very skewed, biased, inaccurate and self-sabotaging. As long as you are constantly improving and upgrading yourself, that's more important.

 

For now, try to find any job to help you tide through your difficulties. I take it that you are unmarried and unattached? If so, this is the perfect time to focus on your work. You may need to take on a second, part-time job if you think you can manage. (But watch your health and fitness too.)

 

In feng shui, it is taught that a large part of a person's success comes from having a benefactor (贵人 ). I like it that people notice that you are a good, down-to-earth person. That will definitely attract the right type of benefactor in your life. 

 

Also, not sure what your beliefs are, but feng shui teaches that metaphysical/supernatural forces can influence a person's destiny, health, wealth, career.

 

So see if you can get a trusted friend or priest/pastor/rabbi to pray for you. If you believe in feng shui, you can Google to see what you can do to improve your networking (the 贵人) and career luck. A lot of information which feng shui masters would normally charge you for previously can now be accessed online.

 

All the best to you, and I hope everything works out for you!   

 

Thanks for the sharing, but whats with the picture. A very alluring one at that. Lol

Edited March 8, 2017 by FluteGuan

[FluteGuan]

There is a big difference ....

 

 

Guai can work both ways.

 

When it doubles itself, it becomes guaiguai

When it dulans itself, it becomes guailan.

 

 

You need to strike a balance. Dont be a pushover, and never be the one that pushes either.

Edited March 8, 2017 by FluteGuan

[CKW]

Just now, FluteGuan said:

Thanks for the sharing, but whats with the picture. A very allurong one at that. Lol

 

You're very welcome!

 

I used that picture because in feng shui, it is believed that you should often look at pictures that symbolise success and wealth, rather than pictures of war-torn countries, sick people and animals, sad faces, etc. 

 

In that way, it will alter your subconscious mind and spirit, and steer you towards thoughts and actions that will make you successful.   

 

[CKW]

P.S.

I'm not sure if you're willing to try this product:

 

 

 

If you click on the link below, you can find more information about it, as well as read a true story of a man whose finances improved a lot after wearing it. 

 

http://www.fengshuibestbuy.com/SL11836-pendant.html

[Hemnes]

I'm curious tho, have you ever told him about your feelings towards him?

[FluteGuan]

2 hours ago, CKW said:

 

You're very welcome!

 

I used that picture because in feng shui, it is believed that you should often look at pictures that symbolise success and wealth, rather than pictures of war-torn countries, sick people and animals, sad faces, etc. 

 

In that way, it will alter your subconscious mind and spirit, and steer you towards thoughts and actions that will make you successful.   

 

What if one were to look at naked pics and those cock pics which bw members keep posting?

 

In terms of fengshui. Thanks!

[FluteGuan]

1 hour ago, CKW said:

P.S.

I'm not sure if you're willing to try this product:

 

 

 

If you click on the link below, you can find more information about it, as well as read a true story of a man whose finances improved a lot after wearing it. 

 

http://www.fengshuibestbuy.com/SL11836-pendant.html

What about this one?

 

A lot of testimonies too.

[CKW]

Just now, FluteGuan said:

What if one were to look at naked pics and those cock pics which bw members keep posting?

 

In terms of fengshui. Thanks!

 

Some would believe that you would attract like-minded people (people who also enjoy looking at such pictures) in your life  

 

Because you are constantly filling your conscious and subconscious mind and spirit with such images.

[CKW]

1 minute ago, FluteGuan said:

What about this one?

 

A lot of testimonies too.

 

That's a very beautiful crucifix. 

 

It depends on the guy's beliefs  

[Guest flute is xiao]

2 hours ago, FluteGuan said:

There is a big difference ....

 

 

Guai can work both ways.

 

When it doubles itself, it becomes guaiguai

When it dulans itself, it becomes guailan.

 

 

You need to strike a balance. Dont be a pushover, and never be the one that pushes either.

strike a balance on your own mind pls

 

stop sharing such comments!

[Guest Self Pity]

Once again I thank u for your kind words and encouragements. U have no idea how they have meant to me.

 

It is good to see people around here putting your hand on my shoulder to reassure me and patting on my back to encourage me.  

 

Please do not argue over me on whether I am a kind or guai person. These should be good characters, but strangely after so many years....at times I translated this as weak, and maybe thats why I wanted so much to prove to myself and others and indirectly it alter one of my most value character, patience. I lost that and has become a bad temper person.

 

I am not despair yet just deflected. But u guys are right, I really need to look deep inside me to maybe find my own inner peace, if not, if i die today, I sure becomes a fierce ghost.

 

I thank u guys for your suggestions, maybe for a start to find some peace, I should look towards religion.  

 

3 hours ago, Uomo said:

I'm curious tho, have you ever told him about your feelings towards him?

 

As for this question, i guess we are buddy enough for him to know in his mind without me telling. It's good that there's a word call bromance. We will just stay it this way.

[fab]

cause or effect, kind or not, they dont matter. What i wanna reiterate is , other than the conventional achievements, he does ve positive traits. Purpose of lives is much more than just material gains. He may be here for a purpose more meaningful. So i urge ts not to belittle yourself. U may be here for a greater purpose than those conventional Success.

Edited March 8, 2017 by fab

[mantin30]

to TS, may I know what kind of pill that you have been prescribed? What is the name of the pill?

[FluteGuan]

3 hours ago, Guest flute is xiao said:

strike a balance on your own mind pls

 

stop sharing such comments!

Yes, we luv to handle you with love.

[thorzguy]

Dear TS,

 

I am sorry for what you had been thru. If there's no ups and downs -  then is not call Life.

I go by the 5Cs, in my life.

Competent

Compassion

Contentment

(No) Complacent

(No) Conceited

 

There are always someone better/worse off than us. End of the day -  one must find a purpose in life. And never give up. For, nobody can give up on you; only yourself.

All the best in your undertakings!

4 hours ago, CKW said:

 

Some would believe that you would attract like-minded people (people who also enjoy looking at such pictures) in your life  

 

Because you are constantly filling your conscious and subconscious mind and spirit with such images.

I couldn't agree more!

 

[Guest Swee Say]

There is no end to comparison. You should count yourself lucky that you are still able-bodied and you have a roof above your heads.. 

[lonelyglobe]

To start off, life is never fair, some people work hard but get nothing, some don't have to work but got everything, in terms of feng shui, that is good karma, they must have done a lot of good deeds in their past life, however that is not to encourage people not to work hard, but do remember how much effort u put in does not mean how much u will get back in return, " 一命, 二运, 三风水"

[lekoopi]

12 hours ago, lonelyglobe said:

To start off, life is never fair, some people work hard but get nothing, some don't have to work but got everything, in terms of feng shui, that is good karma, they must have done a lot of good deeds in their past life, however that is not to encourage people not to work hard, but do remember how much effort u put in does not mean how much u will get back in return, " 一命, 二运, 三风水"

 

 

Agree, " 一命, 二运, 三风水".  Guest Self Pity, take this opportunity get a palm reading, face reading or personal character/life analysis. Sometimes their analysis may point out a new direction for you. Or highlight key points/strength in your life that you may have missed out throughout these years.

 

Stay strong, and keep going. 

[robin]

Dear TS,

 

I feel your self-pity and fear. 

 

I also went into my own business for 10 over years.  For certain reasons which is different from yours, I decided not to continue.  When I decided to return to employment, it is a very big challenge.  Reason being that most employers do not have a way to measure our experiences.  The companies will not be able to give us a director or CEO position.  Worst still, the reality in most people's mind (including you and I) will be if we are really good in our business, why would we be seeking employment?  And if our business are perceived as not doing well or failed, then why should the prospective company be giving us a merit for that experience?  And when I saw my peers or ex-colleagues who are now holding certain positions in their employed company, it does not help in my thoughts that I have been left behind;  that's where frustration and regrets also start asking  me why I have not chosen the same path as them!

 

It may be true that your business have not paid off in monetary terms.  But the difference between people like us and the majority of people out there is the word Courage.  Now is a dark phase in your life.  But one day when you have gotten over this phase and look back, you will know that you have been there, done that, and you have been of good courage to once live on your dreams.  Not many people who have good business acumen have the courage to do what we have done. 

 

When going through difficult times, though we may be so discouraged and not in a clear mind to think, know this: regardless of situation: dark times don't last forever for those who have hanged on. What you need is 3 things: (1) time (2) hard work (3) patience to wait for the opportunity,  For 'time', you just have to have the courage to hang on and flow along.  If your situation is already so bad, you have nothing to lose any further.  Also use the courage within you to put in the hard work, regardless of the peer pressure.  You know what, people like you and I who have run our own business, we have learnt many things along the way which schools, certificates and employment are not able to give us, and these are very good life skills when handling jobs and life situations.  At the right time when you meet an employer who can see and recognize that in you, that's where you will soar like an eagle and be thankful you have gone through those experiences.

 

So hang on, if your situation is so bad, like what i have written, you have nothing to lose further.  

  

 

[Guest Think about it]

29 minutes ago, robin said:

At the right time when you meet an employer who can see and recognize that in you, that's where you will soar like an eagle and be thankful you have gone through those experiences.

 

Most local boss don't expect that to happen.  You must be cheap in order to be recognised by them. Once you are in, you cannot soar under such boss. End of the day, you will want to escape their crutches and the cycle repeat.  I was once told by a local boss that he wanted me to be realistic when working under him and he generalised that most local SMEs think alike,  What did he tell me exactly?  He said, you can never be right when you are right, the boss is always right even when he was wrong.  I took that in until this day and when I see how our productivity have plunged and those bosses started to whine for decade, I already knew the answer than many people.  You can't grow in Singapore, otherwise how do you explain any tom dick and harry are pandering to the govt for enrich themselves politically?