Guest Wonderbf Posted May 19, 2017 Report Share Posted May 19, 2017 So, recently I caught my boyfriend sending private messages over IG to some guys we both know. I one message to a friend, he said things such as "I can wait for you in bed every night" and in another message to another friend, he called this friend "I have forgotten how sexy and cute you look". I am not too sure if I am being sensitive or he is being too flirty. The former is attached already as well. I have been attached for two years and we did talk about it before, but he thinks I'm being way sensitive and his words mean nothing. What do you guys think? Jimlim 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xLeviathan Posted May 19, 2017 Report Share Posted May 19, 2017 He is not ready to settle down, and don't expect him to. And if you want someone who is, then you should leave him to find one. inamoto 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest Posted May 19, 2017 Report Share Posted May 19, 2017 Are you that dumb and stupid to even ask that question. The answer is obviously so obvious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Wonderbf Posted May 19, 2017 Report Share Posted May 19, 2017 But in that context, he always meant it as a joke. like "I can be your assistant since you are the boss. I can wait for you in bed every night" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kaze Posted May 19, 2017 Report Share Posted May 19, 2017 the question is not appropriate or not. the question is, can you accept. let me tell you my experience. first he will say "i'm just chatting". then it becomes "we talk about sex.. what he like and what i like. nothing else. dont over-think". slowly, it becomes "my conversation with people sometimes may get a lil erotic. but its all chat only. dont over-think". then it gets "I jerked off while chatting with people. trust me. i wont meet up with them for hook up". and finally "sorry. I was chatting with some1 as usual. but I din manage to control myself and i had fun with him". thing is.. there aint such thing as appropriate or not. if you can accept it, it is appropriate. if you cant, it is not appropriate. simple as that. face the truth, he cant settle with you only. he needs b, c, d ..... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iwannac Posted May 19, 2017 Report Share Posted May 19, 2017 You need to ask yourself what kind of relationship you expected to have and what kind of relationship you are in now. If it matches, you're good. If it doesn't, it's time you start thinking about it before things go out of hand. inamoto 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Daredevil Posted May 19, 2017 Report Share Posted May 19, 2017 Why dont you do the same thing and let see his reaction? Flirt guys infront of him. You dare? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kepak Posted May 22, 2017 Report Share Posted May 22, 2017 On 5/20/2017 at 1:22 AM, Guest Daredevil said: Why dont you do the same thing and let see his reaction? Flirt guys infront of him. You dare? Good idea hahah. Serves him right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest 小猪女 Posted May 22, 2017 Report Share Posted May 22, 2017 Sigh. Sorry to hear that you experienced this . I guess it's time for you to ditched your bf and move on . Clearly there's something going on with them for sure . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Canyouacceptit? Posted May 22, 2017 Report Share Posted May 22, 2017 Hey TS,- ask yourself if you are able to accept it. If not, talk to him and tell him how u feel about the message. Give your relationship a chance. If everyone threw away a relationship at the smallest sign of trouble, there won't be much hope for the future. All the best! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
benedict5856 Posted May 22, 2017 Report Share Posted May 22, 2017 I cannot accept my bf to be flirty. But i can be flirty. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Johnson Posted May 22, 2017 Report Share Posted May 22, 2017 i would believe mindless chatting is along the grey area, but openly talking about how "sexy" or flirting is a big nono. if your bf thinks you're overreacting, he just doesn't love/cherish you enough imo. if you truly love someone, you'll never hurt him on purpose. even after you voice out and he just brushes it off? i think he should fuck off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fab Posted May 22, 2017 Report Share Posted May 22, 2017 Mind your thoughts, it becomes your speeches. Mind your speeches, it becomes your actions. Mind your actions, it becomes your habits. Mind your habits, it becomes your characters. Mind your characters, it becomes your fates.Mind your fates, it becomes your Destiny. your bf is a slut. 鍾意就好，理佢男定女 never argue with the guests. let them bark all they want. 结缘不结怨 解怨不解缘 After I have said what I wanna say, I don't care what you say. 看穿不说穿 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest Posted May 22, 2017 Report Share Posted May 22, 2017 It's never fair . You should do the same thing be flirty , see how he feels.let him taste his own medicine too. Obviously he doesn't care about your feelings at all . It takes both to work a relationship . And very soon sad to sad it's over for you . So just be prepared he will ditch you any time given his disgusting horny chats. Either you take his nonsense close one eye or get ready to move on to someone who's really into you and with a good circle of healthy gay genuine friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Acair Posted May 22, 2017 Report Share Posted May 22, 2017 49 minutes ago, fab said: Mind your thoughts, it becomes your speeches. Mind your speeches, it becomes your actions. Mind your actions, it becomes your habits. Mind your habits, it becomes your characters. Mind your characters, it becomes your fates.Mind your fates, it becomes your Destiny. your bf is a slut. I agree! Being taken in by some sob story my once-partner had given me about an orphan for whom he truly cared, I graciously agreed to their being just friends, only to walk in on them when they were having sex. Later, I found out that they had been more than just friends since the moment I had consented to their relationship, which he'd said had been brotherly. That made me feel like a fool. You are not my only plan. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fab Posted May 22, 2017 Report Share Posted May 22, 2017 12 minutes ago, Acair said: I agree! Being taken in by some sob story my once-partner had given me about an orphan for whom he truly cared, I graciously agreed to their being just friends, only to walk in on them when they were having sex. Later, I found out that they had been more than just friends since the moment I had consented to their relationship, which he'd said had been brotherly. That made me feel like a fool. so sorry to hear that. Hope u r over him. Its his loss anyway. 鍾意就好，理佢男定女 never argue with the guests. let them bark all they want. 结缘不结怨 解怨不解缘 After I have said what I wanna say, I don't care what you say. 看穿不说穿 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Acair Posted May 22, 2017 Report Share Posted May 22, 2017 48 minutes ago, fab said: so sorry to hear that. Hope u r over him. Its his loss anyway. Thanks. Yes, after f**king a different unattached guy – I'd ask – every weekend over the next 3 months, which culminated in sex with somebody who I found out was attached – he'd lied when I'd asked – when his boyfriend nearly walked in on us in the morning after we had spent the night in his place. Feeling guilty, I snapped out of the marathon, and returned to reality. You are not my only plan. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Drop Him Posted May 22, 2017 Report Share Posted May 22, 2017 Do you want a confirmation that he is just being flirty or do you want the truth because ti hurts? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
adamsam Posted May 22, 2017 Report Share Posted May 22, 2017 On 2017-5-19 at 10:16 PM, kaze said: the question is not appropriate or not. the question is, can you accept. let me tell you my experience. first he will say "i'm just chatting". then it becomes "we talk about sex.. what he like and what i like. nothing else. dont over-think". slowly, it becomes "my conversation with people sometimes may get a lil erotic. but its all chat only. dont over-think". then it gets "I jerked off while chatting with people. trust me. i wont meet up with them for hook up". and finally "sorry. I was chatting with some1 as usual. but I din manage to control myself and i had fun with him". thing is.. there aint such thing as appropriate or not. if you can accept it, it is appropriate. if you cant, it is not appropriate. simple as that. face the truth, he cant settle with you only. he needs b, c, d ..... Wow. All of your point hit the spot! After that... its just one time thingy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snowball Posted May 22, 2017 Report Share Posted May 22, 2017 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fallmerees Posted May 22, 2017 Report Share Posted May 22, 2017 The fact that he says those things - especially about having the other person in bed with him - obviously show that he doesn't respect you and the relationship you guys have. He doesn't seem serious about you as you do with him. I think it's best for you to end it before the real cheating happens, and to save yourself from getting more hurt. You deserve better and someone who shares your idea of a relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tomcat Posted May 23, 2017 Report Share Posted May 23, 2017 I think it depends on what is pre-agreed and also what you can accept as a partner. In other societies, flirting is a muscle. And you need to flirt often, just to be able to do it. So many italian/french/spanish men flirt for fun, just say nonsense, talk cheap etc. Some straight men even flirt with other men, it is seen as a social activity, like teasing and seeing how witty you can be in response. But in our local context, and definitely from what your bf is communicating, it doesn't seem like flirting to me, but more like thirsty and open sexual solicitation. The best way is to understand where is he coming from. I know it is very hard to consider the needs of another, especially when he/she is the one hurting us, but it might provide some, a lot or all the answers. Is he not getting enough from you as a partner? Or is he seeking to play with others? Are you also thinking the same, or maybe you are too protective/jealous for such arrangements? What are you feeling, and how can you communicate these feelings to him? It is a common thing in relationships, that in the end, monogamy is traded for something else. Even in straight relationships, sometimes it is like this. Every relationship is different, but just allowing room for this in your relationship, will take most of the heartache and headache out. You need to talk to him, and give him a chance to express what is this all about. After listening to his reasons and root issues, take some time to sort your response and then let him know also what you can and cannot accept. There is no right or wrong action here, just what each other can accomodate. But remember, always communicate and never sell yourself short (staying in a one-sided relationship, or convincing yourself of things when the reality is something else). Be honest with yourself, and also with him. Even if this doesn't work out, you get better insight in understanding your own thoughts, patterns, motivations, and that clarity is the best present you can give yourself. Good luck 🌑🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘🌑 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fab Posted May 23, 2017 Report Share Posted May 23, 2017 If u wanna get attached, dun slut around. If u wamna slut around, dun get attached. 鍾意就好，理佢男定女 never argue with the guests. let them bark all they want. 结缘不结怨 解怨不解缘 After I have said what I wanna say, I don't care what you say. 看穿不说穿 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blowmenow Posted May 25, 2017 Report Share Posted May 25, 2017 On 5/19/2017 at 9:44 PM, Guest Wonderbf said: So, recently I caught my boyfriend sending private messages over IG to some guys we both know. I one message to a friend, he said things such as "I can wait for you in bed every night" and in another message to another friend, he called this friend "I have forgotten how sexy and cute you look". I am not too sure if I am being sensitive or he is being too flirty. The former is attached already as well. I have been attached for two years and we did talk about it before, but he thinks I'm being way sensitive and his words mean nothing. What do you guys think? I cannot tolerate this... Surprised me how u could Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suckmegood Posted May 25, 2017 Report Share Posted May 25, 2017 On 22/05/2017 at 1:46 PM, benedict5856 said: I cannot accept my bf to be flirty. But i can be flirty. that sounds fair. tomcat and fab 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest :'( Posted May 26, 2017 Report Share Posted May 26, 2017 I would sit down and formally discuss, query and tell him nicely that this isn't an acceptable behavior. If fallen on deaf ears, breaking up is the next consequence. Don't say I never give chance. How can I be with someone who can't give me the basic security of love? I can't accept a bf who isn't being respectful behind or in front of my back, right on my time, to my very face. He can go flirt, chase or fuck around for all I care after that. I'm not childish enough to do what some of you suggested like mimicking his action and let him taste the same medicine. Why need to stoop so low? Be mature and outright of how you want to be treated with dignity. If he can't respect or understand something so simple, obviously the foundation of the relationship isn't right from the very beginning. You started a relationship with someone to show care and concern and over time, this should only grow but not wane. Last time, whenever someone chased after me, I always ask if they are just looking for fun or ready to settle down. I take relationship very seriously so don't waste his and my time. Of course, in a nicer tone. I'm not sure how the rest of the couples started theirs but would love to hear from more experienced gays out there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bluerunner Posted May 27, 2017 Report Share Posted May 27, 2017 TS better to ditch his boyfriend and keep a dog as his pet instead. A dog will be more suitable for TS. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest Posted August 10, 2017 Report Share Posted August 10, 2017 On 19/05/2017 at 9:44 PM, Guest Wonderbf said: So, recently I caught my boyfriend sending private messages over IG to some guys we both know. I one message to a friend, he said things such as "I can wait for you in bed every night" and in another message to another friend, he called this friend "I have forgotten how sexy and cute you look". I am not too sure if I am being sensitive or he is being too flirty. The former is attached already as well. I have been attached for two years and we did talk about it before, but he thinks I'm being way sensitive and his words mean nothing. What do you guys think? Clearly he is cheating. Ditch him Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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