What Are Gays Most Worrying Problem about growing old? + Anxiety of growing old (compiled)

[joshboy]

We should take a leaf or two out of Alex Au's story and learn to contribute in some ways? He is older than many of us here and I don't see him any less "adventurous" but a guy full of endeavour and knowledge sharing for as long as he lives. Catherine lim is another who wanted to live to her fullest thru social network and writings.

What I am saying here is this: PASSION n FREEDOM, are the two vital elements that kills all your lonliness and worries. If you have passion, you will still sit up and do what you enjoy doing even when your ailment control you, if you have freedom, lonliness will not restrict your lifestyle.'

Alex Au?? Please lah he's a joke. You are either him or a die hard fan. What do he do except blog and talk cock? After being threatened take down the posts.

All his posts totally is "Assume".. make an ASS of U and ME!.. Do a proper . Any uncle can do a coffeeshop talk la.

Worst of all, no money no nothing. Can a leader among the GLBT community, one that can show the world that GLBT can also be a leader in the world.

not like insane M Ravi or some cockster.

Only know how to open sauna, open gay clubs, drag queen, money boys...

1. Getting HIV

2. Getting old

Money I have

[anglodude]

My biggest worry? Parents finding out i'm bi.

[Guest Weixiang]

"Wat Are Gay Most Worry Problem?"

Bad grammar.

[dannysuz]

No money !!. If you cannot find love here, with money you can find love in other countries. With money, you can solve all your worries...

[Slynn]

"Wat Are Gay Most Worry Problem?"

Bad grammar.

IKR! but when i was searching for a similar thread, this is the only thread that exists >_> so oh well.

Im worried that im not strong and tough enough to deal with things that inevitably will happen. hmmm

Edited January 4, 2013 by Slynn

[Guest Dumbass]

Alex Au?? Please lah he's a joke. You are either him or a die hard fan. What do he do except blog and talk cock? After being threatened take down the posts.

All his posts totally is "Assume".. make an ASS of U and ME!.. Do a proper . Any uncle can do a coffeeshop talk la.

Worst of all, no money no nothing. Can a leader among the GLBT community, one that can show the world that GLBT can also be a leader in the world.

not like insane M Ravi or some cockster.

Only know how to open sauna, open gay clubs, drag queen, money boys...

1. Getting HIV

2. Getting old

Money I have

Wow obviously you don't know how much work he has done for the gay community since the 90's. His blog is a recent thing. He is otherwise known as the father of gay activism in Singapore and has had a hand in organising so many events that do not centre around opening "saunas and gay clubs". If you dislike him for all that he's done, that's fine. But you should be ashamed of yourself for being too stupid and lazy to find out what he has done and still slam him because of his blog.

[derryfawne]

Getting old alone.

Pretty sure this is the no. 1 topper.

I think this will top most people's list. For the slightly younger demographic, it'll probably be a close call between this and rejection.

For me, being currently attached and having learned not to be paranoid about being accepted by everyone, these two are not quite my top concerns right now. I'm more worried about basic life issues (e.g. retirement, etc). But if there's any sexuality-related issue that'll probably be under my radar of concerns right now, it'll probably be whether or not my family members will ever come to terms with this (let's say, if one day they find out... they've certainly been suspecting in quite some time).

[charlestan]

straight ppl also have similar worries, the worries seem to be common among human

[joshboy]

Wow obviously you don't know how much work he has done for the gay community since the 90's. His blog is a recent thing. He is otherwise known as the father of gay activism in Singapore and has had a hand in organising so many events that do not centre around opening "saunas and gay clubs". If you dislike him for all that he's done, that's fine. But you should be ashamed of yourself for being too stupid and lazy to find out what he has done and still slam him because of his blog.

er yeah.. what did he do? Just go for pink dot and sway the flag back n forth? or just do some parties which really gives a bad impression of PLUs in the entire society for wearing feathers and fish net.

Father of gay activism, please u must be his dumb fan..

[Guest Scared]

And no longer believe in love. Usually in their 30's and mostly in their 40's all of them single. They loiter everywhere, from this forums, to infamous fuck saunas, to gay apps. It is a sad predicament, as you can tell from their eyes they have lost all hope and have embrace the sad lonely live of singlehood. They look used and helpless, as they succumb to their horniness for NSA fun, some even going to public toilets. Anyone else in their 20's worry about going to this same sad dark route?

[Guest Was there]

11 minutes ago, Guest Scared said:

And no longer believe in love. Usually in their 30's and mostly in their 40's all of them single. They loiter everywhere, from this forums, to infamous fuck saunas, to gay apps. It is a sad predicament, as you can tell from their eyes they have lost all hope and have embrace the sad lonely live of singlehood. They look used and helpless, as they succumb to their horniness for NSA fun, some even going to public toilets. Anyone else in their 20's worry about going to this same sad dark route?

Loneliness comes when a single gay has to look after their aging parents. Worry about their medical fees, how to handle them without affecting your work life and their routine medical appointments.  I was there and quitted just to look after my dad for years until he......

Anyway, during those times,  cruising for gay love was never the priority because your life will be so pre-occupied with family matter to the extend the most handsome prince that proposed to you will be ignored by you.  You really feel lonely for that reason - not able to accept love, and pour all your love towards your parents's helpless journey as you began to age with them and sometime at the expenses of losing or quitting jobs.  And worse, your bf don't understand and given up on you.

[yoyo74]

1 hour ago, Guest Scared said:

And no longer believe in love. Usually in their 30's and mostly in their 40's all of them single. They loiter everywhere, from this forums, to infamous fuck saunas, to gay apps. It is a sad predicament, as you can tell from their eyes they have lost all hope and have embrace the sad lonely live of singlehood. They look used and helpless, as they succumb to their horniness for NSA fun, some even going to public toilets. Anyone else in their 20's worry about going to this same sad dark route?

If you keep yourself fit and healthy you will still have market. Look at Chuando hes already 50s and still have good market. As for lonliness why dont you make lots of gay friends? If you lonely at old age thats cause you did not open up and make gay friends during the younger times.

[Guest No such thing as friend]

11 minutes ago, yoyo74 said:

If you keep yourself fit and healthy you will still have market. Look at Chuando hes already 50s and still have good market. As for lonliness why dont you make lots of gay friends? If you lonely at old age thats cause you did not open up and make gay friends during the younger times.

Friends? No such thing once you reach 30's.

Unless you are rich or have benefits, trust me people who like you for what you are, can only count with one hand. This community is more materialistic than you think.

[yoyo74]

Just now, Guest No such thing as friend said:

Friends? No such thing once you reach 30's.

Unless you are rich or have benefits, trust me people who like you for what you are, can only count with one hand. This community is more materialistic than you think.

i m already in my 40s and i keep making lots of aj friends.I am not rich either. I have joined aj running group, created vegetarian aj group and pokemon go aj group too. From the people i talked to its definately more than a hand and its uncountable for me. You also need the skills to communicate too.

[Axel Lai]

Learn how to control your thoughts. Never lose to your mind. Learn to be positive and people will eventually get near to you, vise versa, regardless of age.

[Guest Pfft]

19 minutes ago, yoyo74 said:

i m already in my 40s and i keep making lots of aj friends.I am not rich either. I have joined aj running group, created vegetarian aj group and pokemon go aj group too. From the people i talked to its definately more than a hand and its uncountable for me. You also need the skills to communicate too.

I can communicate better than most of the people out there. Perhaps I have been unlucky and over the past 20+ years have not met anyone who genuinely wants my company.

 

Different age ba, you hang around with people in their 40's, I mix around with 20's. People around my age are infatuated with social media and if you don't have insta or FB you are labelled as an antisocial monster. The problem with social media is that it only gives outer satisfaction, people are misguided into thinking they are always happy, socializing with who and whats not. Social media doesn't give an inner satisfaction, which is why I no longer use it. No matter how many people I party with, I was still never happy. Pretty sure many have similar feelings.

 

I am also looking around for a soulmate who leads his life normally and not lead his life for social media, sad to say have not found one.

[Guest Pfft]

23 minutes ago, Axel Lai said:

Learn how to control your thoughts. Never lose to your mind. Learn to be positive and people will eventually get near to you, vise versa, regardless of age.

Yes I am currently doing meditation and yoga to find inner peace. The society is harsh and cruel, people will find all ways to bring you down.

[sgboyzz12]

1 hour ago, yoyo74 said:

If you keep yourself fit and healthy you will still have market. Look at Chuando hes already 50s and still have good market. As for lonliness why dont you make lots of gay friends? If you lonely at old age thats cause you did not open up and make gay friends during the younger times.

Yeah i totally agree with this. However a lot of people in this circle are superficial uh

[Ben S]

The truth is .... friends are still, friends .... it's different with a companion in life.

 

That being said, being single is usually better than in a 'complicated' relationship ... not a big fan of dramas.

 

just prepare to live comfortably when you're old ... finding someone special is a big bonus to it.

[R_CF_L]

51 minutes ago, Guest Pfft said:

Yes I am currently doing meditation and yoga to find inner peace. The society is harsh and cruel, people will find all ways to bring you down.

when society expects something and perhaps don't have the courage to hurt so many dear people around us..yoga and meditation for inner peace is one avenue. Am starting that too..in anticipation of a solidarity path ahead. Hopefully in future could say, 'I'm alone but not lonely'. 

[sgmaven]

Actually, it is better to have a close bunch of friends who have your back. They could be a bunch with a common interest in something, with absolutely no sexual attraction between parties, but open enough that they can step in when help is needed. I remember that in Queer As Folk, there was a character who died, and his family did not know he was gay. His friends actually stole his house keys to "straighten up" his flat by disposing all the gay paraphernalia.

[Boydsg]

Well, I just want to comment that I am in my 40s, single, don't have many friends, do not cruise nor seek NSA. But I do not feel lonely or has any need for a better half. Just contented with my health, financial freedom and perspectives. 

 

Guess it's a matter of glass half full or half empty. 

[cutejack]

As per title .thru my experience n from observant,  no matter gays or str8s those singles r lonely after certain age. But u can b otherwise by mixing well with everyone n with any age group.dont have intention when making frens. Some when attached or during courtship will avoid frens n relatives ,after break off then go back to find frens which is not right. Always secure yr frenship  treasure yr friendship. Have some hobbies practise healthy lifestyle by exercise n keep yrself active. Last but not least spend some time cruising in public toilets. Lolxxx

[sgmaven]

Actually, do you think that the str8s have it any better? If you look at it, their financial burden is usually much heavier, because they tend to have kids to raise and therefore a bigger mortgage to service too. That is for the married ones. The singles are much like the gay singles in their 40s and up. No real "market value" unless they are rich, then there is a market no matter how they look or behave...

[hornbird]

Aging is life cycle for all: be it straight or gay

 

the key is find peace with yourself . Single gay or single straight could be lonely at times.

 

whenever I have no bf, I do more sports- 

i go Swimming alone, morning run at dawn 6am, on 1 Jan, CNY, National Day, when clubbing folks walk Swaggerly at 4am. I enjoy being away from crowds, after a good exercise, I will hop into a cafe sipping coffee and reading books ( yes reading printed materials is old fashion and good for older men)

 

you regain personal and private time and your mind is clear.

 

going vacationing solo driving in large plains and wilderness is another way to re-energize oneself.

 

re-discover your talents - learn n play a musical instrument or pick up a foreign language course. Plenty of things to do la.

Edited September 4, 2017 by hornbird

[Guest lucky one]

i'm in my 40s, lucky i have met my sex partner during my 20s

now i have a few very close (non gay) friends, my hdb, my job, my savings and my sex partner (he 70+ liao)

 

last time he used to screw me, now he old liao not hard so my turn to screw him

he is married so he is not my bf but my sex partner.

i still cruise, visit bw forum, sauna and travel overseas

 

when time comes, my sex partner might be gone then i might feel very lonely when i need sex

but till then, let's enjoy what we have

[snowball]

与其到处妒忌别人，还不如多充实自己，反省自己。

如果一直以为自己很优秀，只是别人不懂得欣赏，

那就继续自恋吧。

可怜之人必有可恨之处，如果没有提升自己的素质的能力，

那就等着灵魂的堕落吧，别怨天尤人。

[iamziz]

So much of unhappiness because of the expectations we have. Learn to chill and create your own joy. Friends or no friends. Old or young. Loneliness haunts you when are unhappy, not loving yourself enough, letting people fuck your life with their judgements. Learn to give less or zero fucks. Being alone as we have heard or read somewhere doesn't mean lonely. Being with people who fuck our mind and soul even though they sleep next to us some call them as partners - that makes a person lonely. 

[cutejack]

1 hour ago, Guest lucky one said:

i'm in my 40s, lucky i have met my sex partner during my 20s

now i have a few very close (non gay) friends, my hdb, my job, my savings and my sex partner (he 70+ liao)

 

last time he used to screw me, now he old liao not hard so my turn to screw him

he is married so he is not my bf but my sex partner.

i still cruise, visit bw forum, sauna and travel overseas

 

when time comes, my sex partner might be gone then i might feel very lonely when i need sex

but till then, let's enjoy what we have

Hahaha.nice one n very str8 fwd.

[Guest long live toilet cruising]

1 hour ago, cutejack said:

As per title .thru my experience n from observant,  no matter gays or str8s those singles r lonely after certain age. But u can b otherwise by mixing well with everyone n with any age group.dont have intention when making frens. Some when attached or during courtship will avoid frens n relatives ,after break off then go back to find frens which is not right. Always secure yr frenship  treasure yr friendship. Have some hobbies practise healthy lifestyle by exercise n keep yrself active. Last but not least spend some time cruising in public toilets. Lolxxx

I still think cruising in public toilet is better than using gay apps. 

[cutejack]

1 minute ago, Guest long live toilet cruising said:

I still think cruising in public toilet is better than using gay apps. 

Of course.u get what u see.

[doncoin]

I believe there are gay organizations like Oogachaga or some other ones that organize events and activities that every one can participate in. They might even have ones for older/mature gay men. Being lonely, and being sad etc. is a choice. 

[Blogger Adam]

5 hours ago, Guest Scared said:

And no longer believe in love. Usually in their 30's and mostly in their 40's all of them single. They loiter everywhere, from this forums, to infamous fuck saunas, to gay apps. It is a sad predicament, as you can tell from their eyes they have lost all hope and have embrace the sad lonely live of singlehood. They look used and helpless, as they succumb to their horniness for NSA fun, some even going to public toilets. Anyone else in their 20's worry about going to this same sad dark route?

 

No need to worry. My friends and I are approaching 40 - and of whom, only I am attached. We hang out almost every weekend and I tell you, we lao gays are not pathetic.

 

Trust me.

 

I write about my friends every week on  https://adamandtheboys2.blogspot.sg/

 

It's true. Nobody has to be pathetic unless they choose to!

[Guest Sad]

Yeah it's really sad  ... especially those older guys who still looking for love after 30 40s. 

 

I also see those ppl from 10 years ago still lurking around forums and apps still finding their love. 

 

I just feel so sad for them. 

 

 

[Guest Socialmedia]

3 hours ago, sgboyzz12 said:

Yeah i totally agree with this. However a lot of people in this circle are superficial uh

 Yeah I bump into a few of the Instagram Gays and I was quite shocked. They are really plain and simple. Nothing enigmatic.

I don't want to name names, but some of u may relate to what I'm saying 

[yoyo74]

5 hours ago, Guest Pfft said:

I can communicate better than most of the people out there. Perhaps I have been unlucky and over the past 20+ years have not met anyone who genuinely wants my company.

 

Different age ba, you hang around with people in their 40's, I mix around with 20's. People around my age are infatuated with social media and if you don't have insta or FB you are labelled as an antisocial monster. The problem with social media is that it only gives outer satisfaction, people are misguided into thinking they are always happy, socializing with who and whats not. Social media doesn't give an inner satisfaction, which is why I no longer use it. No matter how many people I party with, I was still never happy. Pretty sure many have similar feelings.

 

I am also looking around for a soulmate who leads his life normally and not lead his life for social media, sad to say have not found one.

No i dont just hang around with people in their 40s, i hang around with people of all ages. Like my running group invite all ages and all races and all nationality. As i have a hyper active personality and a sporty type of person, the type of interest are more towards the younger age ones. I found that many 30s or 40s already started to give up their health and looks and only want to be a sluggish lazy person. All their interest is just wanna eat good food and all those things that wont make them physically tired. This kind of interest is not for me.

Now is social media era, need to have watsapp and line for aj guys as most aj want communicate in line to be more discreet. I also have facebook but no instagram. 

[yoyo74]

5 hours ago, sgboyzz12 said:

Yeah i totally agree with this. However a lot of people in this circle are superficial uh

Straight guy are also superficial its just that their target is girls. Since we know that most people is superficial than we might as well craft a lean fit body where most of our superficial guys will like and fall senselessly in love with. You will get love this way by superficial means.

[Guest shfm]

5 hours ago, Boydsg said:

Well, I just want to comment that I am in my 40s, single, don't have many friends, do not cruise nor seek NSA. But I do not feel lonely or has any need for a better half. Just contented with my health, financial freedom and perspectives. 

 

Guess it's a matter of glass half full or half empty. 

are you staying alone? what about your workplace? Its very hard not to feel left out when you see your colleagues going back to their families after work or see how the other straight couples have a gf/wife/children to accompany. sometimes i think i feel more peaceful staying at home than going outside "envying" the others. but no choice about this as i still need to make a living.

[Guest Fatty]

10 hours ago, Guest No such thing as friend said:

Friends? No such thing once you reach 30's.

Unless you are rich or have benefits, trust me people who like you for what you are, can only count with one hand. This community is more materialistic than you think.

Yes, better to distance yourself from the poor and those who are doing less well than you in your career in case they ask you for help.

[LeanMature]

12 hours ago, Boydsg said:

Well, I just want to comment that I am in my 40s, single, don't have many friends, do not cruise nor seek NSA. But I do not feel lonely or has any need for a better half. Just contented with my health, financial freedom and perspectives. 

 

Guess it's a matter of glass half full or half empty. 

 

Yes, because you are still capable of doing things independently.   Loneliness strike once you lose your mobility.  There are many lonely single old men in their 60s and 70s out there.

[Guest Cried]

16 hours ago, Guest Was there said:

Loneliness comes when a single gay has to look after their aging parents. Worry about their medical fees, how to handle them without affecting your work life and their routine medical appointments.  I was there and quitted just to look after my dad for years until he......

Anyway, during those times,  cruising for gay love was never the priority because your life will be so pre-occupied with family matter to the extend the most handsome prince that proposed to you will be ignored by you.  You really feel lonely for that reason - not able to accept love, and pour all your love towards your parents's helpless journey as you began to age with them and sometime at the expenses of losing or quitting jobs.  And worse, your bf don't understand and given up on you.

 

I totally understand the pain and helplessness of seeing live of your loved one withering....... 

[Boydsg]

24 minutes ago, LeanMature said:

 

Yes, because you are still capable of doing things independently.   Loneliness strike once you lose your mobility.  There are many lonely single old men in their 60s and 70s out there.

Whether u have partner or not,  when you lose mobility, you are practically on your own. What will be worst is when your partner abandons you during that time. Compounded sadness. 

 

I am better off knowing I am happy on my own. Anything additional is bonus. 

 

 

[sgmaven]

41 minutes ago, LeanMature said:

Yes, because you are still capable of doing things independently.   Loneliness strike once you lose your mobility.  There are many lonely single old men in their 60s and 70s out there.

Is it any different if you were str8, or have a partner/spouse? Once you are not mobile, you become so dependent on others that it is hard to keep the same relationship dynamics, even with a long-time partner/spouse. Like @Boydsg says, you are practically on your own, since you cannot expect anyone to sit next to you 24/7, pandering on your needs.

[Guest Guest]

1 hour ago, sgmaven said:

Is it any different if you were str8, or have a partner/spouse? Once you are not mobile, you become so dependent on others that it is hard to keep the same relationship dynamics, even with a long-time partner/spouse. Like @Boydsg says, you are practically on your own, since you cannot expect anyone to sit next to you 24/7, pandering on your needs.

It is definitely different when you have a spouse and children. I work at a hospital. Everyday, I see many elderly folks bring pushed in wheelchairs and it helps if you have someone you can trust to look after you. Friends no matter what, will still lose to family (wife, children). Of course that is assuming you married a wife who is decent and you brought up your children well with the proper values. But at least for the straight married people, they still have a chance their wife or children will look after them when they are old. For the single gay, they would never have a chance to build their own family, at least not in Singapore.

[lonelyglobe]

On ‎3‎/‎9‎/‎2017 at 5:27 AM, Guest Pfft said:

I can communicate better than most of the people out there. Perhaps I have been unlucky and over the past 20+ years have not met anyone who genuinely wants my company.

 

Different age ba, you hang around with people in their 40's, I mix around with 20's. People around my age are infatuated with social media and if you don't have insta or FB you are labelled as an antisocial monster. The problem with social media is that it only gives outer satisfaction, people are misguided into thinking they are always happy, socializing with who and whats not. Social media doesn't give an inner satisfaction, which is why I no longer use it. No matter how many people I party with, I was still never happy. Pretty sure many have similar feelings.

 

I am also looking around for a soulmate who leads his life normally and not lead his life for social media, sad to say have not found one.

I am a antisocial monster then..........

"Social media make distant people closer but closer people distant"

[sgmaven]

43 minutes ago, Guest Guest said:

It is definitely different when you have a spouse and children. I work at a hospital. Everyday, I see many elderly folks bring pushed in wheelchairs and it helps if you have someone you can trust to look after you. Friends no matter what, will still lose to family (wife, children). Of course that is assuming you married a wife who is decent and you brought up your children well with the proper values. But at least for the straight married people, they still have a chance their wife or children will look after them when they are old. For the single gay, they would never have a chance to build their own family, at least not in Singapore.

I think you are too idealistic when you think that most families in Singapore take care of their immobile parents. The fact is, most hire a foreign maid, who is often ill-prepared for the 24/7 care required. They only are there at the hospital, because a family member is needed to sign for things, and to talk to the doctors. As a gay, you too can hire a domestic helper to care for you, but do look for someone with experience in long-term care for an immobile person. There are even male nurses from neighbouring countries that will take these assignments.

 

Whatever it is, it boils down to the hands of fate. I have seen people you have had a stroke, so they not only lose mobility, but also their speech. That can also be devastating from a need to communicate. However, it is really up to the individual, and how he chooses to react to the circumstances. He can curse the hand of fate, and behave like a victim, or fight the impediments, and move on. While I do not think it is easy, it is still something related to state of mind, and your own disposition.

[LeanMature]

2 hours ago, Boydsg said:

Whether u have partner or not,  when you lose mobility, you are practically on your own. What will be worst is when your partner abandons you during that time. Compounded sadness. 

 

I am better off knowing I am happy on my own. Anything additional is bonus. 

 

 

 

1 hour ago, sgmaven said:

Is it any different if you were str8, or have a partner/spouse? Once you are not mobile, you become so dependent on others that it is hard to keep the same relationship dynamics, even with a long-time partner/spouse. Like @Boydsg says, you are practically on your own, since you cannot expect anyone to sit next to you 24/7, pandering on your needs.

 

Whether children or partner, no one can guarantee they will be there when you need them.  But there is still a good possibility that they will.  Many think that they can depend on their nephews or nieces in old age, which i think is even less likely.  

 

 

 

[Guest Sinfully good]

14 minutes ago, sgmaven said:

I think you are too idealistic when you think that most families in Singapore take care of their immobile parents.

Family with gay children can expect their gay children to look after their immobile parents.  As for straight people, especially once married,  their priority is with their own family (wife, children) instead of their own parents.  I must say people wtih gay children have received a gifted "insurance" from heaven.  

[cutejack]

5 minutes ago, LeanMature said:

 

 

Whether children or partner, no one can guarantee they will be there when you need them.  But there is still a good possibility that they will.  Many think that they can depend on their nephews or nieces in old age, which i think is even less likely.  

 

 

 

Own children less hope. Nephews n nieces.forget it la.

[Guest Looking for gay neighbour]

8 minutes ago, cutejack said:

Own children less hope. Nephews n nieces.forget it la.

Agree, asked them to visit once a year they find it a chore still.  Forget about asking them to look after you 24/7.  Even your own brother/sister may not do it.  They told you straight in the face they are "busy".  So ya,  better look for a gay buddy, hopefully staying nearby,  best is having a gay neighbour - keeping a lookout for each other and still maintained each other privacy.