MY HEART IS SO PAINFUL, I WISH TO DIE

[i8i8]

1 minute ago, Guest concern said:

Actually is to test your mentality stable or not.I trying to say keep your case current.There are lots of nice ppl here 24 7 waiting for you.They want to hear from you.Pardon for that engalish.

i didn't mean to be rude but really could not understand what you wanted to say.  i have no problem understanding you here.  Thank you for posting, thank you for your concern.  

[Guest concern]

Actually i normally used food to brighten up moods.If you do like durian,go have some durian exchanged with ppl.eat it and feel gd abt it.

[i8i8]

7 minutes ago, Guest concern said:

Actually i normally used food to brighten up moods.If you do like durian,go have some durian exchanged with ppl.eat it and feel gd abt it.

i used to be very fat but i managed to reduce my weight from 85kg to 68kg within 6 months 7 years ago before starting gym to increase my body metabolic rate to maintain my weight.  Also i am very careful now in what i eat because no way am i going back to those fat fat days.  i love durians but nowadays i avoided it like poison.  but thank you for sharing.

 

Edited September 15, 2017 by i8i8

[chubbylover]

Though I sympathise what you are going through right now, battling those negativity inside your head and blocking them out as best as you could (cos if you didn't you would probably be dead by now) I can't help but feel a tinge of ...... whining and attention seeking brewing in this thread?

 

From the various inputs offered by so many concerned readers after reading through your plight, I can only come down to one suggest for you: adapt and evolve. 

 

Adapt and adjust to the new reality, and make the right adjustments to your life and your thoughts to make your life meaningful. 

 

Evolve your flow of thought and thinking process. Have new insights on what's important in your life and what's not. Though you seem surprisingly gullible for a 50 years old, the good news is you have the wealth of life experience accumulated through your journey to build this up.

 

And please stop whining, do something instead. The world does not revolve around you. You adapt to the transformations and developments of what's around you, including to changes in your life. I can carry on to suggest that you go visit families and institutions filled with people in much worse situations than you, and how these people adjust, adapt and evolve themselves to survive and even thrive in such challenging environments....but that may be corny for you.

 

And you want to die because of......? 

 

Oh please

 

[Guest concern]

It does not matter if writting can be that important solving issues.But rather can one find the exit to put a closed,out of the polluted and stuffy enclosure.

[benedict5856]

3 hours ago, chubbylover said:

Though I sympathise what you are going through right now, battling those negativity inside your head and blocking them out as best as you could (cos if you didn't you would probably be dead by now) I can't help but feel a tinge of ...... whining and attention seeking brewing in this thread?

 

From the various inputs offered by so many concerned readers after reading through your plight, I can only come down to one suggest for you: adapt and evolve. 

 

Adapt and adjust to the new reality, and make the right adjustments to your life and your thoughts to make your life meaningful. 

 

Evolve your flow of thought and thinking process. Have new insights on what's important in your life and what's not. Though you seem surprisingly gullible for a 50 years old, the good news is you have the wealth of life experience accumulated through your journey to build this up.

 

And please stop whining, do something instead. The world does not revolve around you. You adapt to the transformations and developments of what's around you, including to changes in your life. I can carry on to suggest that you go visit families and institutions filled with people in much worse situations than you, and how these people adjust, adapt and evolve themselves to survive and even thrive in such challenging environments....but that may be corny for you.

 

And you want to die because of......? 

 

Oh please

 

 

Oh my goodness. I totally fall in love with u now.

From the way u relay yr message. I love yr brains.

 

Actually i can't wait to see if TS wanna kill himself or not. i still waiting..... or he purely seeking attention.

Hmmm..... am i mean?

[i8i8]

7 hours ago, chubbylover said:

Though I sympathise what you are going through right now, battling those negativity inside your head and blocking them out as best as you could (cos if you didn't you would probably be dead by now) I can't help but feel a tinge of ...... whining and attention seeking brewing in this thread?

 

From the various inputs offered by so many concerned readers after reading through your plight, I can only come down to one suggest for you: adapt and evolve. 

 

Adapt and adjust to the new reality, and make the right adjustments to your life and your thoughts to make your life meaningful. 

 

Evolve your flow of thought and thinking process. Have new insights on what's important in your life and what's not. Though you seem surprisingly gullible for a 50 years old, the good news is you have the wealth of life experience accumulated through your journey to build this up.

 

And please stop whining, do something instead. The world does not revolve around you. You adapt to the transformations and developments of what's around you, including to changes in your life. I can carry on to suggest that you go visit families and institutions filled with people in much worse situations than you, and how these people adjust, adapt and evolve themselves to survive and even thrive in such challenging environments....but that may be corny for you.

 

And you want to die because of......? 

 

Oh please

 

i think i will soon stop responding further because some of you here view my account with sketicism, that i am spinning some story to seek attention.  What i have written is my true experience and yes, i am just a simple person always believing in the good of others unless proven not.  Yes, call me naive and guillable but that is just me.   

If i were in my normal self, i would advise another the same ... but i am not in my normal emotional state.  i know you mean well but really it will take me time to overcome my grief and heal my bruised heart while i adapt and evolve with this new development.   He really means a lot to me.

Edited September 16, 2017 by i8i8

[Guest Guest]

On ‎14‎/‎9‎/‎2017 at 10:07 PM, benedict5856 said:

of course i went through before.

never bath for 2 days. Never eat.

 

 

And it wasn't the only time too, right? We know. Your picture was taken and circulated around.

 

[Guest Guest]

5 hours ago, benedict5856 said:

 

Oh my goodness. I totally fall in love with u now.

From the way u relay yr message. I love yr brains.

 

Actually i can't wait to see if TS wanna kill himself or not. i still waiting..... or he purely seeking attention.

Hmmm..... am i mean?

 

No, I don't think you can use the word "mean" to describe yourself here. After all, being "mean" is a specific trait for human, which pigs like you cannot possibly posses. So you don't have to be too hard on yourself there if you think yourself as "mean". You have already outdone your own species by having the capability to type in English with your hoof. But you still have a looooooong way to go to becoming human, and I don't think you will ever get there in your lifetime, regardless if you die a natural death, i.e. you got butchered for your meat, or you died unexpectedly, i.e. you escaped from your pen and died due to old age as a wild boar.

[Guest concern]

Who will want to die before telling ppl here.Even the most trans of all trans also won't do that.The story content sounds so ligit which is quite true after reading it.Critically it sounded more like a cross dresser throwing tantrums,releasing out the flamboyant deep in.Can someone pls continue.....

[i8i8]

This will most probably be my last posting of happenings which i cannot understand till now, hope to hear from you all before i end.  Don't want to wash too much dirty linen in public lest i get accused of seeking attention.  i posted here because i'm new to such relationships and many things i could not understand.  At least my conscience before God is clear.  i am very sure.

 

1.  Why did he want to end our relationship or "friendship" when he still maintained his friendship with others, ie not lover.  Did i over cared for him that he felt too burden?  How is it possible not to care when you are a genuine friend?  Is this so unthinkable today?  He kept saying i was trying to guilt-trap him.  Huh?

 

2.  He said he knows i am kind and good yet when he later heard lies being told about me, he confronted me harshly, was angry with me and accused me, without even first verifying the facts and not allowing me to defend myself.  Even when i did explain, he didn't want to listen and took what he heard as facts.  As i said, what grieves me so much is has he not known me for the past 8 months what person i am.  i know him quite well, including that he is quick-temper and reasonably judgemental but i did not expect him to treat me this way too.  He should know that i would not have done such low-class things as the lies accused me of.   Really very sad and mind baffling. 

Edited September 16, 2017 by i8i8

[Guest concern]

Are you are striaght before!

Have you had any sex with this masseur!

What you have done!

Does he know about your past sexual orientation!

What is the masseur sexual role!

You want to die is because no sex or lack of companionship due to overwhelmed customer!

 

[Guest YNOT_TONY]

I think you are just not his cup of tea, thus when he found out you have further feeling about him, he would rather just keep distance than maintain the friendship.

 

love is blind, and it is never equal for the both party. You have put too much emotion, efforts, imagination on it, but unfortunately the other party did not view and treasure the same. As the one who put most efforts you for sure are the one hurts more. 

 

for the past 50 something years, you first time tasted the LOVE (maybe it is only one way) from someone no blood bonded, of course, you do not have the experiences to handled the situation being rejected. But, is it a first lesson of growing pain although is sort of late in your case? Take the time to recover, if you still believe love, the better one will appear. Instead to ask god end your life, YNOT ask him to bring the lover you expected come to your side?

 

do not waste time to analyse why he behave like that, people are different, everyone has his way or habit to react.

 

move on, tomorrow will be another sunny day.

[benedict5856]

4 hours ago, i8i8 said:

This will most probably be my last posting of happenings which i cannot understand till now, hope to hear from you all before i end.  Don't want to wash too much dirty linen in public lest i get accused of seeking attention.  i posted here because i'm new to such relationships and many things i could not understand.  At least my conscience before God is clear.  i am very sure.

 

1.  Why did he want to end our relationship or "friendship" when he still maintained his friendship with others, ie not lover.  Did i over cared for him that he felt too burden?  How is it possible not to care when you are a genuine friend?  Is this so unthinkable today?  He kept saying i was trying to guilt-trap him.  Huh?

 

2.  He said he knows i am kind and good yet when he later heard lies being told about me, he confronted me harshly, was angry with me and accused me, without even first verifying the facts and not allowing me to defend myself.  Even when i did explain, he didn't want to listen and took what he heard as facts.  As i said, what grieves me so much is has he not known me for the past 8 months what person i am.  i know him quite well, including that he is quick-temper and reasonably judgemental but i did not expect him to treat me this way too.  He should know that i would not have done such low-class things as the lies accused me of.   Really very sad and mind baffling. 

 

 

You started a topic - my heart is SO painful. I WISH TO DIE.

 

no one tell u to die. Its u who wanna die.

 

U not drama, then u are what

So what u are 50, so whats its first love

U are NOT his cup. its just so simple

 

People dump u.

U are not the only person on earth kena dumped.

 

Do i see ppl killing themselves everyday?

 

If u wanna die, just go ahead. Die far away. Don't drag others along.

 

Don't jump down and kill another person.

Don't bang car and cripple another person.

Die far away.

 

 

[fab]

 

作茧自缚

作缚自贱

[Guest concern]

There is still chance to hear what i8i8 has to said.I don't think i wanted to write anymore.Different ppl are born with different instinct.Perhaps its important to have more of your background.Can't just die so easily now as it concern of blowing masseur.We need to know.....i am protesting.

[Guest YNOT_TONY]

13 minutes ago, fab said:

 

作茧自缚

作缚自贱

 

Actually he is not, he just too treasure this "love" to let it go.

 

for a long dried desert suddenly caught by rains, the fresh and vibrant feeling deserve his persistence.

 

he just need time to understand being rejected or reject others are normal and happened everyday. Relationship involves two party and their interactions, one way and no compromises would never worked out. In OP's short romance, it was never a relationship, it was only a one way admirer LOVE.

 

wish him could get through it and be strong until find his true love.

 

i8i8, if this is too painful for you, you may look for professional's help, like shrink etc.

 

your case indeed is not that serious, some people even broken down and have to get shrink's help.

[Guest Guest]

16 hours ago, benedict5856 said:

 

Oh my goodness. I totally fall in love with u now.

From the way u relay yr message. I love yr brains.

 

Actually i can't wait to see if TS wanna kill himself or not. i still waiting..... or he purely seeking attention.

Hmmm..... am i mean?

 

40 over years already, so drama for what? Love here, live there. Just go get a room and fuck your pig brains out there lah! And you wanna go around saying others are "drama"? Go practice what you preach.

[Guest concern]

If this i8i8 say infront of me i won't think is drama.but.....after reading and constant and constant reading.What say you...

[snowball]

可能在其它方面他会表现得成熟，但在爱情面前，思想却是幼稚得可以，

或许，不经意的让被人觉得不是理想的选择与伴侣。我们不知道他是否有

别的优点，但他句句反映出和凸显的是，自己的无能和" 单纯 "。

 

[Guest concern]

Continue to write...no one will remember what you wrote but just don't make a fool of a yourself......

[fab]

2 hours ago, Guest YNOT_TONY said:

 

Actually he is not, he just too treasure this "love" to let it go.

 

for a long dried desert suddenly caught by rains, the fresh and vibrant feeling deserve his persistence.

 

he just need time to understand being rejected or reject others are normal and happened everyday. Relationship involves two party and their interactions, one way and no compromises would never worked out. In OP's short romance, it was never a relationship, it was only a one way admirer LOVE.

 

wish him could get through it and be strong until find his true love.

 

i8i8, if this is too painful for you, you may look for professional's help, like shrink etc.

 

your case indeed is not that serious, some people even broken down and have to get shrink's help.

 

What kind of love is this when the mb simply dumps ts when someone richer appears?

 

I seriously can't apprehend.

[Guest jonlittle]

22 hours ago, i8i8 said:

This will most probably be my last posting of happenings which i cannot understand till now, hope to hear from you all before i end.  Don't want to wash too much dirty linen in public lest i get accused of seeking attention.  i posted here because i'm new to such relationships and many things i could not understand.  At least my conscience before God is clear.  i am very sure.

 

1.  Why did he want to end our relationship or "friendship" when he still maintained his friendship with others, ie not lover.  Did i over cared for him that he felt too burden?  How is it possible not to care when you are a genuine friend?  Is this so unthinkable today?  He kept saying i was trying to guilt-trap him.  Huh?

 

2.  He said he knows i am kind and good yet when he later heard lies being told about me, he confronted me harshly, was angry with me and accused me, without even first verifying the facts and not allowing me to defend myself.  Even when i did explain, he didn't want to listen and took what he heard as facts.  As i said, what grieves me so much is has he not known me for the past 8 months what person i am.  i know him quite well, including that he is quick-temper and reasonably judgemental but i did not expect him to treat me this way too.  He should know that i would not have done such low-class things as the lies accused me of.   Really very sad and mind baffling. 

I have been through a similar situation with a guy whom I hang out with often and went overseas with in a short period of two months.

 

To answer your first question, from what people from this forum told me, he has most likely lost interest in you for whatever reason or whichever guy. He could have thought more of what you guys have built up in the relationship and not let a single guy or issue to end it all. It isn't that hard to talk things out and find a middle ground for things to continue as before. If it is him feeling you're pushing the 'friend' boundary too much due to a single issue, then talk things out. If there's will on both sides, then things could have been ironed out.

 

As for the second question, I sadly would have to say that 8 months might have proven to be too short. (Who am I to speak when mine only lasted for 2 months? )

 

Anyway, I sincerely hope that you can pick yourself up again and shift your focus onto other important people or goals in your life. Private message me if you need to.

 

P.s. Saw this clip earlier. Hope it helps.

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=1687872644565132&id=525275707491504

Edited September 17, 2017 by jonlittle
Added spacing and one link

[i8i8]

Hi All.  This is going to be my last posting.  i thank all who wrote here and private message me to comfort and encourage me as well as those who criticised me here, i wish to take their comments positively that they cared enough to write me.  For now, i am still heavy hearted and dazed.  My heart is still with him because i truly care for him and am concerned for him even though he says no need.   i'll wait for his possible return.  Many will say i am naive and not realistic, not facing the facts squarely, but that's me for now.  Needless to say, my heart will shut again, most likely for a very long time, if not forever.  

Thank you once again for allowing me to write my painful encounter here.  

Edited September 18, 2017 by i8i8

[fab]

44 minutes ago, i8i8 said:

Hi All.  This is going to be my last posting.  i thank all who wrote here and private message me to comfort and encourage me as well as those who criticised me here, i wish to take their comments positively that they cared enough to write me.  For now, i am still heavy hearted and dazed.  My heart is still with him because i truly care for him and am concerned for him even though he says no need.   i'll wait for his possible return.  Many will say i am naive and not realistic, not facing the facts squarely, but that's me for now.  Needless to say, my heart will shut again, most likely for a very long time, if not forever.  

Thank you once again for allowing me to write my painful encounter here.  

 

U remind me of faye.

 

这一次我执著面对　任性地沉醉
我并不在乎　这是错还是对
就算是深陷　我不顾一切
就算是执迷　我也执迷不悔

别说我应该放弃　应该睁开眼
我用我的心　去看去感觉
你并不是我　又怎能了解
就算是执迷　让我执迷不悔

我不是你们想的如此完美
我承认有时也会辨不清真伪
并非我不愿意走出迷堆
只是这一次　这次是自己而不是谁

要我用谁的心去体会　真真切切地感受周围
就算痛苦　就算是泪　也是属于我的伤悲
我还能用谁的心去体会　真真切切地感受周围

就算疲倦　就算是累　也只能执迷而不悔.

[Guest concern]

Writting needs to have an ending,end a stop for your title you create.Once again,Nobody will remember what you have wrote for all these.Likewise,Nobody will cares about your last posting as far as concern.The idea behind is that i don't entitle you with any feedback as you did not gave an answer from what you did sexually with the masseur.You better watch out.

[i8i8]

I thank you for almost 20 people who pm me offering to be friends, to chat and those who wish to explore a new relationship with me.  As I mentioned in my postings, I am still loyal to my friend and waiting for him to contact me again in the future.  I do not wish to start anything new. 

 

I have recovered somewhat.  I have not contacted him since because he asked me not to but i do think of him every day.  Following his parting words, i am busying with my business every day which I am doing much better these few months and concentrating on my family.    

 

I need advice:  can I send him new year, Christmas and especially birthday greetings or not since he had asked me not to contact him any more and said I was annoying.  I want to do so but also wish to respect his wishes not to contact him at all because he is probably happier now without me.  I am perplexed.  Thank you all for your advice.

Edited October 22, 2017 by i8i8

[Guest Pigeon]

1 hour ago, i8i8 said:

I need advice:  can I send him new year, Christmas and especially birthday greetings or not since he had asked me not to contact him any more and said I was annoying.  I want to do so but also wish to respect his wishes not to contact him at all because he is probably happier now without me.  I am perplexed.  Thank you all for your advice.

Go ahead, send him whatever greetings as long as not too mushy, he will accept it.  Most importantly, don't let him feel you are still after him with words to that effect.  Pretend to show him that you have moved on but let him remember that you still exist.  It is all about psychological game now,  slowly making him feel you are indispensible with your persistency to appear and dissappear for no reason,  like using him as your guinea pig for some experiment.

[cmlf]

 

11 Pieces Of Breakup Advice From Broken-Hearted Men

Taryn Hillin

Fmr. Associate Editor, Huffington Post Weddings and Divorce and current YA author / screenwriter and journalist.

 

It’s a common misconception that women take breakups harder than men. Truthfully, the end of a relationship can be gut-wrenching for anyone and everyone involved.

 

On Monday, we heard from men who recently had their hearts broken when a Reddit thread emerged asking guys to reveal how they dealt with — and eventually got over — their last split.

 

Here’s what they had to say:

 

1. Keep busy.

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/10/07/breakup-advice_n_5946182.html

[cmlf]

Hi @i8i8

 

Many have shared their painful and learning experiences on relationships through this unique portal. For each and every issue at heart, there appears an equal (i.e. stay strong/move on) or opposite (i.e. wake up) reaction.

 

It reminds us how crucial it is for us to find ways to care for ourselves. Some, like me, found our way through having studied counselling/psychology. It taught us the following:

 

1      Humans being unique individuals and complex beings have unique needs

2      People have problems because they are unable to deal with their situation and so need help

3      We have the resilence to survive

 

Realising (1) can change our whole perpective of situations and response to people (family, friends, colleagues and all else) when they hurt or even distress us (so self-talk: "they need help" makes a whole difference), (2) though breathe the same air we  each see things differently, and (3) will make the most of given opportunities (and in any trade too).

 

There are parts you and our brothers here shared that may seem to fit (1), (2) and (3). Without telling those we want to help what they can or must do, helping others can go a long way by asking questions, prompting them what they already know they can and should, believing and trusting they are the best person themselves to succeed in dealing with their problem, with appropriate (not otherwise) help.

 

So if we may, it'll go a long way for you if you could think through the parts bolded (where you shared) and help questions? 

 

I am in my 50’s.  Early this year, I was suffering from mid life crisis, i  was feeling lost in life, I lost the will to live, I was hoping to die to end it all.  My life was so empty and meaningless.  Since graduation, I have been working 16 hour days 6 days a week to meet family living commitments and I suddenly realised I have never lived for my own happiness, never enjoyed love in my whole life.    

 

Life without meaning can be really hard at any stage of it. How else can you see this differently, if at all possible?

 

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

I met a popular masseur still operating in BW.  We got on surprisingly well from the start although both parties were discreet and guarded in the beginning like most friendships.  We were both so similar.  We chat, we ate, we supported each other in our ups and down, and unknowingly, I opened my heart to him which was never opened and guarded for 50 over years.  He is very precious to me, he was my soulmate, my lover, even a son which I never had, I cared for him very much and wish to give my best to him.  He gave my joy, meaning, purpose and stability in life and I was sure he felt the same way about me.  We shared our deepest secrets with each other.  Even though it was late at night and I still had work to complete, when he wanted to meet me, I would drive almost 40 minutes to  be with him till the wee morning to keep him company.  Since I was single, I had even willed part of my assets to him because to me, he was an important part of my life, he saved me and gave me the will to live on.

 

Life being about roles and reponsibilties too, you have done exceedingly well as son and provider unlike others in the same capacity who could or would not. Now, with the same responsibility for yourself, what would would think would go a long way too (go back up first line what you highligthed foremost about the person's popularity in his business)?

 

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

Recently things suddenly changed.  He met someone else, a married man.  He told me this person was interested in him and loved him very much so he wanted to try out this new relationship with him.  The smallest things done by this new lover was such a big deal to him, whereas the same things which I had sacrificed much more to do for him in the past was nothing and not appreciated by him.  In fact, he accused me of loving him more than an ordinary friend, that i chatted with him way too often when actually we have always chatted daily!  I was devastated.  

 

One of our brothers shared us a prompting quotation from his friend on option and priority. Reflectively, would you be able to tell us your thoughts about this?

 

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

 

My life crumbled, my heart pierced with a thousand arrows, I felt totally lost.  I pained and griefed so much I cried uncontrollably till now.  I have not cried for more than 30 years!  How could someone just turn on turn off his love for me?  Was it all fake from the start?  I felt it wasn’t, I am sure it wasn’t.   Now I am in a worse situation than before we met.  My spirits are down and I have even lost my will to work.  I am sinking, I am in depression.  He told me to focus on my health and family and forget about him, but how can i?  It has always been my principle and conviction in life to be sincere, honest, loyal and stedfast to all my friends no matter what happens, to give beyond and even sacrifice, so that my friends can always depend on me because I am a true friend to them, not a fair-weather friend, what more for my lover.  I am unable to retract my love for him because I only love one person in my life.  He will always be my only love.   I will never open my heart to any one else in the future.  I pray God will let me die soon to end this agony in my heart.  I pray he is happier now. 

 

We may totally agree it can be quite tricky when we're an option in 'love', while still exploring what priority (education, job, support family, Cs, look for love, helping the disadvantaged through love, and etc) in the meaning of life should be.

 

Such an experience as yours has been a life-changer for some of us and repetition for others again and again when seeking life's meaning with 'love'. If you could benefit from this for the rest of your life, mind sharing with us how you would?

 

 

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

ps (shared earlier links from huffington post on breakups)

Edited October 22, 2017 by cmlf

[Guest Bien]

Good to hear that you are making good recovery.  The onus is to learn to let go.  In life we just have to let go of everything one fine day.  

 

The masseur had already spoken of not seeing you anymore.  Quite difficult,  more for the person who wishes for the relationship to stay, to do that.  You have done well thus far.  By giving him a well wishing card now is going retro into the problem.  My advice is not to do that.  That guy is already leaving you for good.  This behavior would mean you are still hanging onto the hope of connecting him back.  Move on.  I believe strongly that you will meet someone who will truly appreciate having you in life if you really wish for it.  Really you sounded a very nice guy.  But becareful not to reveal your wealth so easily.  If you really can't hide it, then do an irrevocable will to donate everything to charity.  It can protect you against falling for the wrong guy.

[Guest concern]

i think you should get yourself and have a trip to lucky chinatown for a full time cruising.It may soothe your mind and be reluctant of what a masseur can meant to you that much,after all your desire will therefore go away.I believe no one will fall in love with you again.

[blowmenow]

ya I say dun send him anything too.

whenever u send him anything at all, the is expectation / hope that he would reply or change his heart.

so save urself from such expectation / hope

just give up on him please, for ur own sake

let it go and move on

I hv been thru this mess and I know how it feels

[blowmenow]

 

Set fire to the rain

 

http://youtube.com/watch?v=Ri7-vnrJD3k

Edited October 23, 2017 by blowmenow

[i8i8]

On 10/23/2017 at 8:21 AM, Nightingale said:

 

No need to feel perplexed.  Don't send him anything.  Sending even a greeting not only wastes your time & effort.  It adds onto what he considers as "annoying" and even repulsive to remind him about you.  Give him a break.  And give yourself a break too.  Treat him as no longer existent.  And let time heal your wound.  This is the best way to your peace of mind.  Let go completely.  You must try.

Thank you for taking your time to pen your advice.  i will not send him any thing since i did promise him not to contact him so i will keep my word.  i know most here have asked me to forget him, to have a clean break but i can't till now.  Yes, i am still hopeful but that has not crippled me nor my life now.  Most have asked me to reach out to new friends but unfortunately due to this painful experience, i wish to close up again.    Thank you all once again.   

Edited October 24, 2017 by i8i8

[i8i8]

On 10/23/2017 at 10:39 AM, blowmenow said:

ya I say dun send him anything too.

whenever u send him anything at all, the is expectation / hope that he would reply or change his heart.

so save urself from such expectation / hope

just give up on him please, for ur own sake

let it go and move on

I hv been thru this mess and I know how it feels

Thank you for sharing your advice.

[i8i8]

On 10/22/2017 at 6:28 PM, Guest Bien said:

Good to hear that you are making good recovery.  The onus is to learn to let go.  In life we just have to let go of everything one fine day.  

 

The masseur had already spoken of not seeing you anymore.  Quite difficult,  more for the person who wishes for the relationship to stay, to do that.  You have done well thus far.  By giving him a well wishing card now is going retro into the problem.  My advice is not to do that.  That guy is already leaving you for good.  This behavior would mean you are still hanging onto the hope of connecting him back.  Move on.  I believe strongly that you will meet someone who will truly appreciate having you in life if you really wish for it.  Really you sounded a very nice guy.  But becareful not to reveal your wealth so easily.  If you really can't hide it, then do an irrevocable will to donate everything to charity.  It can protect you against falling for the wrong guy.

Thank you for sharing your advice and kind words.  i did not reveal my true wealth at all.  God bless you.

Edited October 24, 2017 by i8i8

[i8i8]

On 10/22/2017 at 5:32 PM, cmlf said:

Hi @i8i8

 

Many have shared their painful and learning experiences on relationships through this unique portal. For each and every issue at heart, there appears an equal (i.e. stay strong/move on) or opposite (i.e. wake up) reaction.

 

It reminds us how crucial it is for us to find ways to care for ourselves. Some, like me, found our way through having studied counselling/psychology. It taught us the following:

 

1      Humans being unique individuals and complex beings have unique needs

2      People have problems because they are unable to deal with their situation and so need help

3      We have the resilence to survive

 

Realising (1) can change our whole perpective of situations and response to people (family, friends, colleagues and all else) when they hurt or even distress us (so self-talk: "they need help" makes a whole difference), (2) though breathe the same air we  each see things differently, and (3) will make the most of given opportunities (and in any trade too).

 

There are parts you and our brothers here shared that may seem to fit (1), (2) and (3). Without telling those we want to help what they can or must do, helping others can go a long way by asking questions, prompting them what they already know they can and should, believing and trusting they are the best person themselves to succeed in dealing with their problem, with appropriate (not otherwise) help.

 

So if we may, it'll go a long way for you if you could think through the parts bolded (where you shared) and help questions? 

 

I am in my 50’s.  Early this year, I was suffering from mid life crisis, i  was feeling lost in life, I lost the will to live, I was hoping to die to end it all.  My life was so empty and meaningless.  Since graduation, I have been working 16 hour days 6 days a week to meet family living commitments and I suddenly realised I have never lived for my own happiness, never enjoyed love in my whole life.    

 

Life without meaning can be really hard at any stage of it. How else can you see this differently, if at all possible?

 

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I met a popular masseur still operating in BW.  We got on surprisingly well from the start although both parties were discreet and guarded in the beginning like most friendships.  We were both so similar.  We chat, we ate, we supported each other in our ups and down, and unknowingly, I opened my heart to him which was never opened and guarded for 50 over years.  He is very precious to me, he was my soulmate, my lover, even a son which I never had, I cared for him very much and wish to give my best to him.  He gave my joy, meaning, purpose and stability in life and I was sure he felt the same way about me.  We shared our deepest secrets with each other.  Even though it was late at night and I still had work to complete, when he wanted to meet me, I would drive almost 40 minutes to  be with him till the wee morning to keep him company.  Since I was single, I had even willed part of my assets to him because to me, he was an important part of my life, he saved me and gave me the will to live on.

 

Life being about roles and reponsibilties too, you have done exceedingly well as son and provider unlike others in the same capacity who could or would not. Now, with the same responsibility for yourself, what would would think would go a long way too (go back up first line what you highligthed foremost about the person's popularity in his business)?

 

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Recently things suddenly changed.  He met someone else, a married man.  He told me this person was interested in him and loved him very much so he wanted to try out this new relationship with him.  The smallest things done by this new lover was such a big deal to him, whereas the same things which I had sacrificed much more to do for him in the past was nothing and not appreciated by him.  In fact, he accused me of loving him more than an ordinary friend, that i chatted with him way too often when actually we have always chatted daily!  I was devastated.  

 

One of our brothers shared us a prompting quotation from his friend on option and priority. Reflectively, would you be able to tell us your thoughts about this?

 

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My life crumbled, my heart pierced with a thousand arrows, I felt totally lost.  I pained and griefed so much I cried uncontrollably till now.  I have not cried for more than 30 years!  How could someone just turn on turn off his love for me?  Was it all fake from the start?  I felt it wasn’t, I am sure it wasn’t.   Now I am in a worse situation than before we met.  My spirits are down and I have even lost my will to work.  I am sinking, I am in depression.  He told me to focus on my health and family and forget about him, but how can i?  It has always been my principle and conviction in life to be sincere, honest, loyal and stedfast to all my friends no matter what happens, to give beyond and even sacrifice, so that my friends can always depend on me because I am a true friend to them, not a fair-weather friend, what more for my lover.  I am unable to retract my love for him because I only love one person in my life.  He will always be my only love.   I will never open my heart to any one else in the future.  I pray God will let me die soon to end this agony in my heart.  I pray he is happier now. 

 

We may totally agree it can be quite tricky when we're an option in 'love', while still exploring what priority (education, job, support family, Cs, look for love, helping the disadvantaged through love, and etc) in the meaning of life should be.

 

Such an experience as yours has been a life-changer for some of us and repetition for others again and again when seeking life's meaning with 'love'. If you could benefit from this for the rest of your life, mind sharing with us how you would?

 

 

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ps (shared earlier links from huffington post on breakups)

Thank you for your advice.

[i8i8]

On 10/24/2017 at 10:12 PM, i8i8 said:

Thank you for taking your time to pen your advice.  i will not send him any thing since i did promise him not to contact him so i will keep my word.  i know most here have asked me to forget him, to have a clean break but i can't till now.  Yes, i am still hopeful but that has not crippled me nor my life now.  Most have asked me to reach out to new friends but unfortunately due to this painful experience, i wish to close up again.    Thank you all once again.   

Of course i will be very happy if he contacted me.  

[glider]

爱情会让人忘了时间

时间也会让人忘了爱情

 

it took me more then 20 years to overcome the pain, and now it was totally healed, it can be done 

 

the short cut way to kill the pain is to fall in love again, with another love occupying your mind, you will have no time to feel sad.

 

you have to take charge of your life, people can give advice, but no one can live your life...