Successful LTR from apps.

[Guest No such thing as love]

Anyone managed to get into a happy and successful relationship with guys from apps like Grindr and Jackd? I tend to shirk away from guys who only want superficial attractions (must be good looking, gym fit body) because they are only there for a good fuck.

[Guest :-(]

Most are fuck and dump

 

Minority managed to stay together

[Guest Heartbroken]

Just got played out by a guy from an online app. 

 

Don't believe in such thing called ltr on these apps

[Magicerife]

Eh got a few threads on the same topic alr leh. 

[kratos]

How long does the r/s has to be for you to consider successful?

[Guest Sigh]

Why do people even use these apps for anything other than hookups? 

 

Apps like Grindr are ABSOLUTE TRASH for anything other than hookups. The population there is self-selecting. They're all just looking for hookups. I don't know why you would think that you could find anything meaningful from it. 

[Guest it happens]

13 minutes ago, Guest Sigh said:

Why do people even use these apps for anything other than hookups? 

 

Apps like Grindr are ABSOLUTE TRASH for anything other than hookups. The population there is self-selecting. They're all just looking for hookups. I don't know why you would think that you could find anything meaningful from it. 

 

i met my bf on grindr. we have been together for  4 years. 

[Guest Guest]

I met my current and ex bf from Jack'd.

[Guest Okay]

6 hours ago, Guest it happens said:

 

i met my bf on grindr. we have been together for  4 years. 

That's nice, but cases like yours are exceptions rather than the norm. 

 

The fact remains that most if not all people don't go there with a serious mindset (wanna get into a proper, serious relationship, and hopefully eventually settle down i.e. live together, get married, etc.) about relationships. They're there FIRSTLY to f***. Anything more is an UNINTENDED result.

 

You CAN get into a LTR from such apps, but this doesn't make apps a very good place to find love. 

 

Please feel free to correct me, but I'm guessing you guys have an open relationship?

[Guest concern]

I AM  FINDING WAY TO STOP

[Guest toiletcruising bef app era]

got into relationship from toilet cruising back in 2000s, never had luck with app

[Guest Eww]

2 hours ago, Guest toiletcruising bef app era said:

got into relationship from toilet cruising back in 2000s, never had luck with app

Thats horrible

[Guest ***]

You just have to be open to all avenues. Apps are simply another way to communicate and connect with people these days. When I was studying in Europe, it was easy to approach guys at a store or at school, and have an interesting conversation. Sadly, that rarely happens in Singapore. Guys here are shy, closeted, or uncomfortable with having a pleasant conversation with a friendly stranger. I had to use apps to talk to guys when I returned to Singapore. Within a couple of months, I met my boyfriend in Grindr. We were at a mutual friend's birthday party, and we spotted each other on Grindr, and began talking. Be open, smile, be interesting, and genuinely interested in the other person. Love will find a way to you when you're ready.

[Guest Dear]

40 minutes ago, Guest *** said:

You just have to be open to all avenues. Apps are simply another way to communicate and connect with people these days. When I was studying in Europe, it was easy to approach guys at a store or at school, and have an interesting conversation. Sadly, that rarely happens in Singapore. Guys here are shy, closeted, or uncomfortable with having a pleasant conversation with a friendly stranger. I had to use apps to talk to guys when I returned to Singapore. Within a couple of months, I met my boyfriend in Grindr. We were at a mutual friend's birthday party, and we spotted each other on Grindr, and began talking. Be open, smile, be interesting, and genuinely interested in the other person. Love will find a way to you when you're ready.

But the fact that he's on Grindr. What does it say about him? 

 

So is it "desirable" for a straight guy to get a prostitute girlfriend from visiting brothels/seedy places? After all, we have to be "open to all avenues" and it's another way to "connect with people" what. (no offense to prostitutes.. yes,they are human too) 

 

Then again, since you're on Grinder yourself, I guess you're okay with it. Birds of the same feather flock together. 

 

I don't "hate" apps like Grindr/Hornet. They're apps used for a specific purpose: to connect (literally.. heh) you, a guy looking for casual sex, with other guys looking for a same thing. It's a platform that facilitates such transactions. If you know what you're doing and if that's what you really want, then fine.

 

But to pitch such apps as some kind of... dating agency thing, or anything more serious than "hookup&go", is, in my opinion, rather disingenuous. 

 

[Guest 72%dark]

Ok Guest [insert whatever here], it's obvious you've already made up your mind and you have an axe to grind (cough cough) with these apps and the people who use them (or the people whom you imagine use them). So bitch all you want if it makes you feel better.

 

For anyone else who might be interested in some reasoning, let me point out a few things.

 

(a) In my own experience there seem to be a lot of app users who specifically state that they're looking for a LTR and not a hookup. Why would they bother stating that if all they wanted was a quick fuck? Seems utterly counterproductive.

 

(b) All this hand-wringing over the use of apps actually reminds me of similar anxieties people had when online dating was new. But now that internet platforms seem on the wane in the gay dating scene the naysayers have moved on to the latest paradigm. Which brings me to the most important point:

 

(c) Issues such as superficiality and promiscuity actually have very little to do with the platform itself. If someone is going to base his dating choices based largely on looks, he can and will do so no matter what means he goes about finding his prospective partners. Back in the day when the main avenue for gay men to meet each other was bars and such, people still judged each other based on their looks. Superficiality isn't special to apps. And there have always existed, and will always exist, people who are looking for a quick fuck (or many fucks with many people) rather than a monogamous LTR. Promiscuity can be arranged with or without the apps.

 

(d) If your opinion is that only superficial or promiscuous people use the apps, see point (a). But in any case, if every self-professed non-superficial non-promiscuous person declined to use the apps because they thought others like themselves don't, then it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, and they end up depriving themselves of a convenient platform for finding like-minded potential partners. So the choice is yours. 

 

(Just bear in mind that simply bitching about the apps/its users alone isn't likely to bring you any closer to finding the love of your life. Especially if you're doing so as a guest. lol)

[Tampenises]

2 of my frds been together for 4 yrs this Jan after they hooked up thru Grindr.

[go-geek]

I met my ex (16mths) and my current partner from grindr. It's all about intentions and what you're there for. There's a thing known as self restraint 

[Guest ***]

19 hours ago, Guest Dear said:

But the fact that he's on Grindr. What does it say about him? 

 

So is it "desirable" for a straight guy to get a prostitute girlfriend from visiting brothels/seedy places? After all, we have to be "open to all avenues" and it's another way to "connect with people" what. (no offense to prostitutes.. yes,they are human too) 

 

Then again, since you're on Grinder yourself, I guess you're okay with it. Birds of the same feather flock together. 

 

I don't "hate" apps like Grindr/Hornet. They're apps used for a specific purpose: to connect (literally.. heh) you, a guy looking for casual sex, with other guys looking for a same thing. It's a platform that facilitates such transactions. If you know what you're doing and if that's what you really want, then fine.

 

But to pitch such apps as some kind of... dating agency thing, or anything more serious than "hookup&go", is, in my opinion, rather disingenuous. 

 

 

I'm guessing you've been hurt before by a guy, or multiple guys, who you've met through these apps. Instead of faulting these apps and these guys, have you considered reflecting on your own thoughts, values, and desires? What kind of partner do you really want to share your life with?

 

Before I returned to Singapore, I wrote down all the qualities of an ideal partner for me. Physical, emotional, financial, mental, creative characteristics in detail. Putting it down on paper was an exercise in affirming my desires. Within a couple of months, I met my partner in Singapore, and he possessed every single quality besides height. He was about 5 cm shorter than what I wrote down!

 

My point is: be responsible for the energy you radiate. Negativity breeds misery.

[Guest Whatever]

19 hours ago, 72%dark said:

Ok Guest [insert whatever here], it's obvious you've already made up your mind and you have an axe to grind (cough cough) with these apps and the people who use them (or the people whom you imagine use them). So bitch all you want if it makes you feel better.

 

I wouldn't say I've "an axe to grind" as much as I'd say that I'm biased against these apps when it comes to serious relationships. I suppose my posts haven't been the most poised, and I apologise for that.

 

I've basically tried (admittedly poorly) to express that I personally don't think such platforms are very good places if you're seeking a serious relationship, and why.

 

Obviously, not everyone is expected to agree with me.   (not all the guest posts were mine btw)

 

19 hours ago, 72%dark said:

For anyone else who might be interested in some reasoning, let me point out a few things.

 

(a) In my own experience there seem to be a lot of app users who specifically state that they're looking for a LTR and not a hookup. Why would they bother stating that if all they wanted was a quick fuck? Seems utterly counterproductive.

 

You're a good deal older and more experienced than I am. So you've seen a lot of app users who "specifically state that they're looking for a LTR". I notice you could've furthered your argument. Would you also happen to know how many of these people actually turn(ed) out to be serious about it (i.e.  looking for a LTR and not a hookup)?   That something seems counterproductive has never always stopped people from doing it. Some use it as a "lure" to "get" "fresh / good" guys. Some give up immediately with responses like "got place?"

 

And your anecdote doesn't necessarily conflict with my viewpoint. Assuming there are some truly serious guys on these platforms, could you honestly assert that they make up a significant proportion, or the majority of the user population, to justify / such that    such apps are good places to look for a serious relationship?

 

My viewpoint was never about whether there are serious people on apps. It was about whether such people are present in large enough of a proportion for such platforms, overall, to be decent places for anything serious.

 

19 hours ago, 72%dark said:

(c) Issues such as superficiality and promiscuity actually have very little to do with the platform itself. If someone is going to base his dating choices based largely on looks, he can and will do so no matter what means he goes about finding his prospective partners. Back in the day when the main avenue for gay men to meet each other was bars and such, people still judged each other based on their looks. Superficiality isn't special to apps. And there have always existed, and will always exist, people who are looking for a quick fuck (or many fucks with many people) rather than a monogamous LTR. Promiscuity can be arranged with or without the apps.

 

I think you're cutting apps too much slack. These are platforms, with certain characteristics, that appeal most to certain groups of people, who are more likely to think and behave in certain ways.

 

Officially, Grindr is "the world’s largest social networking app for gay, bi, curious and queer men". This could mean different things, depending on your interpretation. You could think of it as something that had innocent / noble  intentions, like the founding vision of Facebook. Perhaps Grindr started out wanting to be, and was used as, something that meaningfully connects LGBTQ men. Strengthen relationships (i.e.  friendships, acquaintanceships, romantic relationships, etc.), form purposeful communities, yada yada.

 

It doesn't matter too much now, though. You have to look at reality. Today the general sentiment is that it is an app for hook-ups. Intended or not, it has developed and sustained a certain reputation / influence , and a certain following. I don't have statistics on Grindr that show what % of users are using it for hookups and what % for dating, but you can get a pretty good picture simply by Googling. Or asking your gay friends. Or an American (straight or otherwise). More often than not, when people think of apps like Grindr, the first term they think of is "hookups".

 

Trying to disassociate these two things is like lying to yourself. You can't see only the things you hope to; you have to see the world as it is.

 

• Yes, "good" guys are going to be "good" and "bad" guys are going to be "bad". There are all kinds of people everywhere. Apps like Grindr don't take away your free will. These apps didn't create superficiality and promiscuity. Promiscuity can be arranged with or without the apps.

 

• But they are, undeniably, platforms that can, and are currently being used widespread, to cater to them. You don't have to use it that way, but that's how they're mostly used now. And they're good at it. It's a simple fact. Is it that hard to admit? In this sense, these platforms have associations to issues like promiscuity and superficiality.

When your straight friends think about dating seriously, is the first thing that comes to their mind Tinder? (I heard it's not as bad in Singapore, but in America it's pretty much become the poster child for straight hookup apps)

 

Anyway, I think I'm blabbering on about semantics here.   

 

You have the free will to do whatever you want with these apps. But if you want to do X while most other users want to do Y, you're not doing yourself any favours.

 

21 hours ago, 72%dark said:

(d) If your opinion is that only superficial or promiscuous people use the apps, see point (a).

 

Again, I'm NOT denying that there are serious people on such apps. My viewpoint has been about whether such people are present in large enough of a proportion for such platforms, overall, to be decent places for anything serious.

 

If you've managed to get into a wonderful, fulfilling relationship through an app like Grindr, great. I'm genuinely happy for you. I am not denying your experiences and feelings. You can throw at me all the anecdotes you want. Read the paragraph right before this.

 

21 hours ago, 72%dark said:

But in any case, if every self-professed non-superficial non-promiscuous person declined to use the apps because they thought others like themselves don't, then it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, and they end up depriving themselves of a convenient platform for finding like-minded potential partners. So the choice is yours. 

 

Interesting how you felt the need to bring this point up. It's valid, nonetheless.

 

21 hours ago, 72%dark said:

Ok Guest [insert whatever here], it's obvious you've already made up your mind and you have an axe to grind (cough cough) with these apps and the people who use them (or the people whom you imagine use them). So bitch all you want if it makes you feel better.

 

 [proceeds to bitch below]

 

(Just bear in mind that simply bitching about the apps/its users alone isn't likely to bring you any closer to finding the love of your life. Especially if you're doing so as a guest. lol)

 

Aren't you sweet. Thank you for your concern. 

[derryfawne]

Met my ex from Jack'd.

[Mique75ts]

Met my current bf from fridae.com 11 years ago and been together till now. 

[GiantPanda]

Chatted casually with my Husband on gaydar.com 12years ago. We didn't immediately hook up, but instead chatted for months on msn before we decided to meet. Mutually sense a strong "fit" and we've been together for 12years, married for 1. We both felt right, so right to get of the train to find our station. We were both contented with our own individually, to be ready to share ourselves with another person. We are fortunate to meet when we were in the same stage in life and wanting similar outcomes. Thereafter, it's all about playing doubles, to keep each other in tandem, to consistently assure the other that we each other's "person".

[exy21]

On 9/15/2017 at 3:22 PM, Guest No such thing as love said:

Anyone managed to get into a happy and successful relationship with guys from apps like Grindr and Jackd ? I tend to shirk away from guys who only want superficial attractions (must be good looking, gym fit body) because they are only there for a good fuck.

2

 

Yap, once...

[SurpriseMEinHere]

Giving this a try ...

 

Local, Chinese professional in his mid-40s, ( 1.8m, 84 kg ) height-weight proportionate, average build, looking to settle with a MATURE, DOWN-to_EARTH, and INDEPENDENT guy.

 

I am active in Sports and I also gym occasionally.  I am a NON-Smoker.  Drinks very occasionally.

 

Looking to meet a physically active and healthy guy who shares similar Life Philosophy/ Outlook, Hobbies & Interests, and Goal.

 

IF you are keen, please HMU and drop me a PM.  Preferably between 39yo and 48yo;  BUT there are EXCEPTIONS to the Rule!   : P

[svenkennson]

Met my bf on growlr. Now we just celebrated our 4th anniversary 3 months back. 

 

Chances are slim when it comes to these apps. But one can't deny that without these apps, it's certainly harder to find each other when most of prefer to be low profile. 

[G_M]

8 hours ago, AsianStud said:

28 170 57 chn looking to settle down

LINE Coolguyjj if you want to find out more about me.

 

You had been banned for spamming.

Here you are again. When will you ever learn?

Suspended for 2 weeks. Do that again and I will ban this account again.

[Guest Nahnah]

5 hours ago, SurpriseMEinHere said:

Giving this a try ...

 

Local, Chinese professional in his mid-40s, ( 1.8m, 84 kg ) height-weight proportionate, average build, looking to settle with a MATURE, DOWN-to_EARTH, and INDEPENDENT guy.

 

I am active in Sports and I also gym occasionally.  I am a NON-Smoker.  Drinks very occasionally.

 

Looking to meet a physically active and healthy guy who shares similar Life Philosophy/ Outlook, Hobbies & Interests, and Goal.

 

IF you are keen, please HMU and drop me a PM.  Preferably between 39yo and 48yo;  BUT there are EXCEPTIONS to the Rule!   : P

No one wants a fatty for partner lol

[Max Low]

A successful gay relationship? You mean a monogamous and super honest one? Possible. If both are asexual. 

[Guest Wtf]

On 12/19/2021 at 10:54 AM, Max Low said:

A successful gay relationship? You mean a monogamous and super honest one? Possible. If both are asexual. 

why does it have to be monogamous to be ‘successful’?