What should I do in this relationship with unresponsive partner?

[Guest Clueless]

I thought women had complex thinking and feeling but never do I expect a gay top has this problem.

 

I met a top who is in his 40s at sauna. I wanted to develop our relationship further with him and he is quite ok with it and want to hang out together as sex buddy first which possibly can develop into ltr.

 

he is strange or maybe uncomfortable in giving me his full details or even his real name etc. He don’t have WhatsApp, line etc. we only communicate via sms which I suspect he has a separate line.

 

Usually he is very passive in messaging me. instead of msg me to ask and know more about me, he asked if I’m available for sex once in a blue moon. I met up with him but he don’t want to have sex, we just had chit chat session near his house. He is generous to pay for the coffee and food. Second time he msg me and we had sex together.

 

He had a very long term relationship with his ex bf, but they had broken up because his ex bf was unfaithful. I suspect this had left a deep scar in his heart which he may not be too willing to accept a new guy in his heart.

 

I’m frustrated because it seems he don’t care and bother to improve our relationship. Message him few times a day casually , either he don’t reply or reply with one liner. 

 

I seriously don’t know what he is thinking. I don’t know if he like me or not. If not, y does he willing to bj and top a guy whom he dislike? And his nonchalant reply and attitude really give me doubt in his commitment in having ltr with me. 

 

If Want to say he is using me as his sex partner, how come he can just change to meet me for meal or kopi despite we agreed to go hotel81?

 

This is one top whom I don’t know what he wants but I do like him. How do I gain his trust?

 

[Anddomtake]

He just looking for fun. Not a LTR.

12 minutes ago, Guest Clueless said:

This is one top whom I don’t know what he wants but I do like him. How do I gain his trust?

 

 It not something you can do on your side. He just need to realise that he wants this to work out as much as you do. And if its taking a long time for him to realise that, just move on onto greener pastures. There are many fishes in the sea.

[Guest Peanut]

I think he is still in a relationship... 

[Guest Peat]

I think he is still in a relationship... which he is keeping u in the dark.

[fab]

He could be

Married with a woman.

Attached with a guy.

In like or lust with u but not in love.

 

U may

Say goodbye

Continue to use him for sex too but dont hope too much.

 

 

 

[Kimochi]

Its time to leave. 

[azimuth]

It always take two hands to clap. If one side is not responding, then it is time to move on. If you ain't happy with the way the relationship is moving, it's never gonna work out.

[auscent]

Id wait a month at most to see if hes making initiatives. If not move on.

 

A guy i once dated was exactly the same. Unresponsive. Outcome i left.

[Guest Check-out]

Just don't unpack your luggage at the moment.  You may need to move on with ease later.

[koolkai]

He may not be totally interested in you, hence his non-enthusiastic behaviour. I think you have to move on if he continues to be as such

 

[lonelyglobe]

Most guys going sauna are only looking for sex and not relationship, is the wrong place to start with and most guys looking for sex in sauna only like to do it with you once and they would like to try someone new the next time, this is the reality of gay life and there is nothing much you can do except to accept it and move on with life.

[thorzguy]

I am sorry to say -  90%: he wants you for sex only. The remaining 10% is meant for other stuff (like food and chat as you mentioned)

Either you accept or move on. 

[Guest :-(]

You expect to form strong relationship foundation from a place like sauna? That's like men looking for gf in a brothel but failed to realize it's just a place to fuck around endlessly with a dark dick. An untamed top wants to screw unlimited holes rather than stuck with the same one, get it? This is not a monogamous relationship from other couples where they commit to each other

[kimlo777]

I'd focus my attention on someone else and lose him.

[tomcat]

seems like he is emotionally unavailable,

which could mean he is attached or married.

 

so he wants some action but somehow keep 

his reputation clean - yes, guys do that.
esp those in sensitive jobs: pastors, teachers, etc.

 

i don't buy the part about how he is scarred.

guys may use that as an excuse and say things

like, "my heart is closed", "i have been hurt badly"

or even more drama:

 

"i dont know how to love anymore, the pain is too great"

 

but usually the moment they do see someone they like,

they are suddenly willing to try. like eh, your pain suddenly

disappear?

can see this pattern alot with friends in your predicament

who are being toyed, or are themselves toying with other

guys.

so my diagnosis (lol) is:

1. he is attache or married 

2. he is just not that into you 

[trumpeter]

Guess TS is just a fb period

[snowball]

perhaps U are not his bf material, or he perfer to take thing slow

Edited December 14, 2017 by snowball

[gc0805]

bro, he's jus looking for sex. he's not interested in taking this any where cos he's attached!

no bad thing if u can accept it. a good shag without all the emotional baggage. not bad at all!

[doncoin]

You need to move on. All the red flags are there from the beginning based on your story. The evasiveness, the lack of respect for you, your time... unless of course you feel you deserved to be treated in this way then it is your call.

[Guest Clueless]

7 minutes ago, doncoin said:

You need to move on. All the red flags are there from the beginning based on your story. The evasiveness, the lack of respect for you, your time... unless of course you feel you deserved to be treated in this way then it is your call.

 

I was really hoping to move him with sincerity over time so that he can start a relationship with me. He do treat me, care for me well sometimes which is why I really confuse what he is thinking. I did love him.

[doncoin]

1 hour ago, Guest Clueless said:

 

I was really hoping to move him with sincerity over time so that he can start a relationship with me. He do treat me, care for me well sometimes which is why I really confuse what he is thinking. I did love him.

 

The only thing you've moved was his loins. .Not his heart. I treat everyone nice, and care for the people around, but it doesn't mean I want to have sex with them. 

[tomcat]

9 hours ago, Guest Clueless said:

I waited at the coffee shop around his place since 9pm. He told me he was in town at 10pm. Around 10.30pm, he told me we should meet another day.

he sealed his own fate with that one.

people who treat others like trash are trash,

they are selfish and reckless.

out with the garbage, you can do so much better in 2018.

 

1 hour ago, Boydsg said:

It's the classical scenario where one party assumed too much or wanted more than what it is.

I don't think saying you miss someone and inviting them back,

and then at the last minute, cancelling with not even an excuse

is anything like the classic scenario of what you mentioned.

it is however classic trademarks of a dirtbag.

my guess is he is a player,

and/or married, bi.

discreet guys who fit this profile

are very sketch, hot and cold

and soo many secrets. 

 

[fab]

He loves u.

 

But he loves himself more.

[Guest Evil Monkey]

16 hours ago, Guest Clueless said:

His name is ***** early *0s, 176cm, who lives around BLK *** ******* ******. He told me he works in ******** and was from ******** previously, converted to singaporean. I'm not even sure if he is lying all the while. I'm not here to expose him like Ashry but I just hope whoever is dating him with the mentioned profile should be aware. This time round, my heart is really dead.

 

TS. Wow, vicious of you to give out all his info. 

 

Clearly he had his reservations and I think you just proved he was right to keep you at a distance.

 

If anybody is to give out names, addresses or personal history on these forums, it should always be accompanied by the poster's own details. This is accountability. Please don't hide behind anonymity and abuse this platform for your personal vendatta.

[abang]

Honestly when a guy does not respond to your messages (SMS, line, whatsapp) for more than 2 weeks, it is time to move on.  He simply signals to you that he has others on his list and you are not mentioned!

 

Always remember, you are special and should not subject yourself to such torments.  

下一个男人就在眼前啊。

[Guest Clueless]

My intention was not to shame him, but hopefully can bring awareness to whoever could be unknowingly deceived by him. It's already so difficult to find ltr in our gay society.

The profile I provided is not specific whereby it could uniquely identify the person and I'm not sure if the profile is real in the first place. If any1 is offended, I hope mod could help to censor the profile..

 

 

9 hours ago, Boydsg said:

Read this and it raised so many questions / red flags... It's the classical scenario where one party assumed too much or wanted more than what it is. 

 

Clueless... What u done (posting name, add etc) is outright wrong. Probably that's why u posted anonymously to begin with.  My sympathy to Shawn (hope it's fake) 

 

2 wrongs x= 1 right. 

 

10 hours ago, auscent said:

We understand pain of rejection. But u cant force him. Nor shame him. Ure better than that.

 

2 hours ago, Guest Evil Monkey said:

 

TS. Wow, vicious of you to give out all his info. 

 

Clearly he had his reservations and I think you just proved he was right to keep you at a distance.

 

If anybody is to give out names, addresses or personal history on these forums, it should always be accompanied by the poster's own details. This is accountability. Please don't hide behind anonymity and abuse this platform for your personal vendatta.

 

[G_M]

Dear Idiot TS,

We mods don't condone the exposing of people's name and other sensitive details. And we certainly don't edit a guest post upon your request. 

 

I empathise that you are not able to get your way with your top and I feel sorry for him that you had tried to exposed him in our forum. 

 

You did yourself in. This post will be locked and you can go sulk at home.