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Are you guys comfortable when your BF chatted with other guys ?


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I Just don’t feel comfortable whenever him chatting with other guys . Idk how to explain , it just breaks my heart . 

 

So.. are you guys comfortable when your BF chatted with other guys ?

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there are two kinds of cheating:

physical and emotional.

just because he has not done anything physical,

does not mean it is not cheating.

the litmus test is to ask him to show his texts.

if he has no problem doing that, then the texts mean nothing.

just empty words to pass the time.

but if he is protective of the texts, or one particular person,

then it is possible emotions/feelings are starting to develop

and that he is trying to explore them, despite the fact he is

already in a relationship.

this is disrespectful of him. 

my personal own litmus test is that if you are with me,

like at home, dinnertime or watching movie.

then we must both be present in the place/activity.

there is no point being there in body,

but spirit, mind and cock is somewhere else.

i will usually call him out on this bullshit,

simply because i don't do it to my partners in relationships.

i treat them with respect, how i would like to be treated.

if he needs to tend to something really serious,

of course he can, but you can probably tell it hurts 

when he is happily chatting directly in front of you

that it is a perverse form of torture only mindless
dicks do to their partners.

address the issue, if he cannot or will not change,

chuck him to the curb.

 

you deserve better, honestly.



 

 

🌑🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘🌑

 

 

 

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Hi guys. Thanks for all the advice 

 

Basically I am not against him texting other guys but the only thing which makes me uncomfortable is that the text is continuous kind. I’m ok if the text is not continuous . When I confronted him , he shrug me off by saying “ just a friend “ , “ he’s not my type “ 

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1 hour ago, EasleyLim said:

maybe have a talk with him about it? 

I talked to him about it and he always said to me that the guy is not his type . And it’s bloody frustrating that they text continuously and it’s annoying AF

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2 minutes ago, Guest Guest said:

Hi guys. Thanks for all the advice 

 

Basically I am not against him texting other guys but the only thing which makes me uncomfortable is that the text is continuous kind. I’m ok if the text is not continuous . When I confronted him , he shrug me off by saying “ just a friend “ , “ he’s not my type “ 


seems like he is disregarding your discomfort in pursuit of his own wants.

this is not what relationships are about, frankly. 

 

the reasoning i give to myself and my partner is:

 

"if it bothers you, then it is important and valid.

we need to talk about it, verbalise and address it,

see how we can balance and change our habits."

if you tell him you are upset or affected,

and he brushes it off. obviously you know where

you sit on his level of priority.

most times, there is a reason why we feel

uncomfortable about things.

 

trust your instinct and intuition.

 

🌑🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘🌑

 

 

 

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Honestly speaking. I feel so useless and I don’t know what to do! 

 

The more I voice out the more we quarrel

 

i once even asked him not to text him so much and he told me that He reply me , so I reply him back . 

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2 minutes ago, iknikn said:

What bothers you more: that person he's texting in particular, or the fact that he's texting other people?

Like I mention . I don’t like it when he texted someone continuously....  on and off text , I am fine . 

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16 minutes ago, cutejack said:

How far u can control others? U wont know if he text behind u. Trust. When u come to certain age u will know n understand. Guess u r in yr 20s.


it is not about control at all. 

it is about respect, esp between life partners.

some of the people i know are well into 40s and 50s,

and really doing unwise things to jeopardise their

relationships, and health.

age is not a measure of maturity, unfortunately.

if you have not been corrected, chances are

the habits and immaturity will continue into old age.

 

7 minutes ago, Guest Guest said:

I’m not controlling him by the way. I just want him not to text this person continually, like it’s a habit or smth. 


looks like it is just this one person? that is troubling,
why is he directing so much of his attention to a person that is (according to him):

- not his type

- no one of particular importance

- not discussing some life and death important matters

 

highlight to him that you see it objectively,

that it is becoming an addictive behaviour.

 

might help him see some sense,
and put himself in your shoes,

and not brush you off as nagging.

and since the topic of age has been brought up,

just know that a proper man does not treat others this way,

they are not reckless in their actions,

or brutishly ignore their loved ones.

 

hate to break it to you, but you are in a r/s with a boy.

age is not a defining factor here.

it is good practice for you also,

because he might not be good enough for you.

but if you practice to be a good man,

you are more than worthy for others.

 

good luck! 
 

🌑🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘🌑

 

 

 

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8 minutes ago, tomcat said:


it is not about control at all. 

it is about respect, esp between life partners.

some of the people i know are well into 40s and 50s,

and really doing unwise things to jeopardise their

relationships, and health.

age is not a measure of maturity, unfortunately.

if you have not been corrected, chances are

the habits and immaturity will continue into old age.

 


looks like it is just this one person? that is troubling,
why is he directing so much of his attention to a person that is (according to him):

- not his type

- no one of particular importance

- not discussing some life and death important matters

 

highlight to him that you see it objectively,

that it is becoming an addictive behaviour.

 

might help him see some sense,
and put himself in your shoes,

and not brush you off as nagging.

and since the topic of age has been brought up,

just know that a proper man does not treat others this way,

they are not reckless in their actions,

or brutishly ignore their loved ones.

 

hate to break it to you, but you are in a r/s with a boy.

age is not a defining factor here.

it is good practice for you also,

because he might not be good enough for you.

but if you practice to be a good man,

you are more than worthy for others.

 

good luck! 
 

Hey. Yeap , just one person. And he did show me the conversation and from the conversation it looks , makes me feel uncomfortable . The way he texted him , gives me a vibe that he’s into him. I still don’t undestand why is it the need to continually talking to someone if he’s not interested in him?

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9 minutes ago, tomcat said:


looks like it is just this one person? that is troubling,
 

 

That's the impression I got too, so I was confused because initially I thought you are troubled by his texting other guys to begin with and not that specific guy. Like others have said, find out why he likes to text others even though they're not his type. Maybe he likes having other friends too? It is quite impossible to expect someone to not text other people at all except you. I think in most cases it is fine for your partner to have other gay friends.

 

If you think he can be trusted, then have to try and relax a bit and give him some space. If you think he cannot be trusted, why is it so? Is it because he was unfaithful before, or other reasons?

 

If you are just concerned about that specific guy he is texting - sometimes we trust our partner but don't trust other people who may be trying to steal our man. Lol. Maybe get to know this person he's texting also. 

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2 hours ago, Guest Guest said:

I Just don’t feel comfortable whenever him chatting with other guys . Idk how to explain , it just breaks my heart . 

 

So.. are you guys comfortable when your BF chatted with other guys ?

 

Is he yang guo or wei xiaobao?

 

If he's the latter, dump him.

鍾意就好,理佢男定女

 

never argue with the guests. let them bark all they want.

 

结缘不结

不解缘

 

After I have said what I wanna say, I don't care what you say.

 

看穿不说穿

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4 minutes ago, Guest Guest said:

Hey. Yeap , just one person. And he did show me the conversation and from the conversation it looks , makes me feel uncomfortable .

The way he texted him , gives me a vibe that he’s into him. I still don’t undestand why is it the need to continually talking to someone if he’s not interested in him?


yeah, it really sucks reading this.

what he say and what he has been doing,

they do not add up.

how long have you guys been together?

do you think you can set aside a real time

to talk about it in-depth? 

pick a quiet place, not in public.

a safe space for both of you, no distractions

and ask him what is really going on.

prior to this, you can also reflect on what

specifically makes you feel uncomfortable.
you need to give examples but keep it factual.
try not to get emotional, remain objective.

 

it is important overall that you communicate,

how and why you feel hurt/uncomfortable.
and see what is his response. keep an open mind.

hope you get the answers/resolution you need.
sometimes the bitter truth is better,
at least you'll know what can be fixed,

or if you need to call it quits and move on.

best of luck to you <3

 

🌑🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘🌑

 

 

 

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My bf will get jealous if I message other guys over long texts. So i don't do it. He has registered his fingerprint to unlock my phone too and I have mine on his as well, so he can look at my phone too.

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4 minutes ago, Guest :-( said:

My bf will get jealous if I message other guys over long texts. So i don't do it. He has registered his fingerprint to unlock my phone too and I have mine on his as well, so he can look at my phone too.

When I get jealous , he scolded me for being childish LOL

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17 minutes ago, Al desserting said:

Will it work if you try doing the same? Try texting continously in front of him lol, what will his reaction be?


like the Obamas said, when they go low, we go high.

no point resorting to childish measures.

you end up compromising your own values,

and set up a tit-for-tat basis in the relationship,

which is very unhealthy.

 

it should be a union of support,

not a war zone of revenge.

 

 

🌑🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘🌑

 

 

 

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6 hours ago, iknikn said:

Like others have said, find out why he likes to text others even though they're not his type. Maybe he likes having other friends too?


 

from my own learning curve,
this is a bitter pill that i have had to swallow,

but since i regard him as a life partner,

i make a point to know  the people in his life,

especially his long time friends.
 

he definitely had a social life before me,

and will continue to have one now.

so if he is rapid texting someone,

he can just say it is so and so,

or if he is hiding someone new, 

it will be ultra obvious.

there were a few times, he was caught doing so,

but he handled it well, i was lenient because

he also had his learning curve, to learn

how to show respect for his partner.
 

6 hours ago, iknikn said:

sometimes we trust our partner but don't trust other people who may be trying to steal our man. Lol.


these days, we might not even be able

to trust some friends, let alone other people.


one of the friends in his group DM me in social media

for some discreet side-action. we have only seen

each other in social settings 3 times then.

 

even your friends can makan you.

so navigate this gay life properly.
it is okay to have fun, but find a partner

who is able to accommodate, or at least,

just be open and talk about it.

Edited by tomcat

🌑🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘🌑

 

 

 

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Guest Inactive
4 hours ago, Guest Guest said:

I Just don’t feel comfortable whenever him chatting with other guys . Idk how to explain , it just breaks my heart . 

 

So.. are you guys comfortable when your BF chatted with other guys ?

Sound like love has to be in a prison for you to feel safe and happy.

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It really depends on the kind of guy that OP's boyfriend is. If the bf has history of cheating, then OP has reason to be worried and uncomfortable. 

 

If the bf is really not like that, then OP should relax a bit, because some people just want the freedom to make friends but will absolutely not run off with others.  

 

So it really depends on the situation, and OP knows his bf better than us.

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3 hours ago, Guest Guest said:

 His reaction is ok. 

Guess yrs is one way traffic for now. He is no longer in u  from what u mention here. Keep low profile n dont initiate anything like greeting n all for few days n see. If ye doesnt initiate anything too meaning no more love.ciao dude.

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I guess in a rs each person should give the other some freedom with regards to who he chats with/ make friends with
If there is trust in the rs between both parties, both should know where is the line and to know not to cross it
Rs is all about give and take on both sides really, pull too tight and the line might just "break" off

Might feel like telling ur partner off for chatting with others in ur presence, but take a moment to calm down and instead say smth sweet to him to bring his mind to the present perhaps

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Guest concern

When smart phone and 3g have not started.I did that,searching for phonebook,sms and mms for info in the middle of the night.Every guy name was sensitive to me,reminiscing over who and what occasion i ever seen that person.Marking out a suspected list of unidentified personels for further infomation.Nonetheless,i didn't knew that more suspected listing are of another gender.In which i did not knew when i was a school boy starting this whole thing,understanding of that hypocrite status.At times i seen black and white sexual mms of genital images sent by unknown sender.

 

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Thank you guys ~

 

Sad to say that WE broke up with me because " Personality does not click "

 

I guess it's because that i keep asked him not to text that particular guy continuously and he got so pissed off.

 

I told him a lot of countless time that he can text the particular person but just don't always reply the person every time he reply.

 

It's like you're out with me & you keep on replying the guy & he never thought how i feel and stuff.

 

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I don't know how relationship works nowadays anyway.

 

You respect your bf feeling and avoid doing things to upset him but he did not appreciate

 

And when i advice him to not do things which makes me feel uncomfortable and he still go ahead and do it .

 

I listened to him most of the time & he couldn't even bother to listen to me once ?

 

I really regretted listening to him talking negatives things about my friends and ditched some of my friends for him

 

And now i am left with almost nothing.

 

All the sacrifices i made for him

 

 

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20 hours ago, tomcat said:


it is not about control at all. 

it is about respect, esp between life partners.

some of the people i know are well into 40s and 50s,

and really doing unwise things to jeopardise their

relationships, and health.

age is not a measure of maturity, unfortunately.

if you have not been corrected, chances are

the habits and immaturity will continue into old age.

 


looks like it is just this one person? that is troubling,
why is he directing so much of his attention to a person that is (according to him):

- not his type

- no one of particular importance

- not discussing some life and death important matters

 

highlight to him that you see it objectively,

that it is becoming an addictive behaviour.

 

might help him see some sense,
and put himself in your shoes,

and not brush you off as nagging.

and since the topic of age has been brought up,

just know that a proper man does not treat others this way,

they are not reckless in their actions,

or brutishly ignore their loved ones.

 

hate to break it to you, but you are in a r/s with a boy.

age is not a defining factor here.

it is good practice for you also,

because he might not be good enough for you.

but if you practice to be a good man,

you are more than worthy for others.

 

good luck! 
 

erm.. yeah he's a boy

a 17 year old boy btw.

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1 hour ago, Guest Guest said:

Thank you guys ~

 

Sad to say that WE broke up with me because " Personality does not click "

 

I guess it's because that i keep asked him not to text that particular guy continuously and he got so pissed off.

 

I told him a lot of countless time that he can text the particular person but just don't always reply the person every time he reply.

 

It's like you're out with me & you keep on replying the guy & he never thought how i feel and stuff.

 

 

1 hour ago, Guest Guest said:

I don't know how relationship works nowadays anyway.

 

You respect your bf feeling and avoid doing things to upset him but he did not appreciate

 

And when i advice him to not do things which makes me feel uncomfortable and he still go ahead and do it .

 

I listened to him most of the time & he couldn't even bother to listen to me once ?

 

I really regretted listening to him talking negatives things about my friends and ditched some of my friends for him

 

And now i am left with almost nothing.

 

All the sacrifices i made for him

 

 

 

Don't worry, you did the right thing.

it's nothing about personality not clicking,

that absolves him of the responsibility,

which is typical for a young kid.

i also probably don't need to add

that when kids are scared, they lie.
if they can't get away with that, or

are caught in the lie, they tantrum

or explode.

so you escaped a relationship of suffering,

just learn the most from it and move on.

try to be single for a while instead of latching on to the next.

build up the love for yourself, heal your wounds,

and rebuild any relationships/connections which

you might have neglected whilst with him.

sometimes people accept you, and sometimes they dont

take it all in stride, it is not a sign of weakness 

to admit that you made a mistake with the kid.

but you are coping and learning to be better,

it will be okay and you will hopefully be wiser in your

picking of a partner the next time round.

 

 

🌑🌒🌓🌔🌕🌖🌗🌘🌑

 

 

 

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Guest concern

Just remember 

On 14/12/2017 at 9:37 AM, Guest Guest said:

I Just don’t feel comfortable whenever him chatting with other guys . Idk how to explain , it just breaks my heart . 

 

So.. are you guys comfortable when your BF chatted with other guys ?

Just remember that you don't earn a single cents on this.And that i may not know where you know this guy,but i can say when knowing or putting a profile in the social gay app is better off,NOT THINKING to sell yourself.I tends to be more of a drama person than to stay cool and real like others,as if it really was.

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2 hours ago, tomcat said:

 

 

Don't worry, you did the right thing.

it's nothing about personality not clicking,

that absolves him of the responsibility,

which is typical for a young kid.

i also probably don't need to add

that when kids are scared, they lie.
if they can't get away with that, or

are caught in the lie, they tantrum

or explode.

so you escaped a relationship of suffering,

just learn the most from it and move on.

try to be single for a while instead of latching on to the next.

build up the love for yourself, heal your wounds,

and rebuild any relationships/connections which

you might have neglected whilst with him.

sometimes people accept you, and sometimes they dont

take it all in stride, it is not a sign of weakness 

to admit that you made a mistake with the kid.

but you are coping and learning to be better,

it will be okay and you will hopefully be wiser in your

picking of a partner the next time round.

 

 

Thank you .

 

i doubt i can learn to love again anytime soon.

 

There's something missing in my heart right now .

 

I don't know why did he made me believe that he's not the type of person i thought he is ?

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3 minutes ago, trumpeter said:

Sorry to hear ur break up TS 

 

But it for the best ... New year new relationship

Thank you..

 

I Guess after all he's not worth it.

 

All the time,money & sacrifice made , i just felt regret.

 

i wish we never met.

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3 minutes ago, trumpeter said:

Isnt tat we always said when we broke up ... Important thing is that he is one of ur learning curve in relationship ... Lesson learnt in a hard way

Aiya

i never learn my lesson

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Guest Bonfire

Sorry to hear about this. What is not meant to be will never be. There are plenty out there looking for a partner like you are. You will find a better one.

On the topic of texting, I feel even if he stops texting that one guy, he will still be texting others. There's nothing wrong with socialising and making new friends. I believe any right-minded guy in a relationship will be mindful of boundaries between friends.

It is a matter of trust and integrity to do the right thing. Above all, communicate and not let unnecessary suspicions cloud judgment.

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On 14/12/2017 at 10:51 AM, Guest Guest said:

Hi guys. Thanks for all the advice 

 

Basically I am not against him texting other guys but the only thing which makes me uncomfortable is that the text is continuous kind. I’m ok if the text is not continuous . When I confronted him , he shrug me off by saying “ just a friend “ , “ he’s not my type “ 

 

Sorry to be truthful...

 

but if you feel that way, there’s only few possibilities (which are rather similar) that explains why you feel that way.

 

01: insecurity and possesiveness 

02: it isn’t real love, but an obsession

 

this is why he will shrug it off because it is literally making a fuss out of nothing.

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Hey, I am experiencing this too at the moment. My boyfriend and I met on Grindr. After two months of dating, we decided to be exclusive and be in a relationship. He deleted Grindr but he kept Tinder. He said he just wanted to see who's gay in sg. Recently, he downloaded Grindr. When I found out, I was angry and annoyed. After seeing his messages, I broke down and cried. There were alot of hook-up type messages. Although the messages were read, he did not respond to any of them. He said he's looking for running buddies, and we need to expand our social circle. He has met a couple of my friends, but they are just not his type and I agree. He asked me to install Grindr as well and find some new friends to hang out with. We discussed this and realised if we want to meet and make new gay friends in sg, these apps are the only way. I tried for this past one week, but sadly, all I got were a bunch of nude and cock pics that I didn't ask for. I just deleted Grindr again, but I'm not sure if he will. He said he's gonna try for a month. He is in the closet and doesn't have any gay friends. I think having gay friends is important for him to be totally himself and lead an honest life. That's what I want for him. If he ends up cheating or falling for another guy, then so be it. I can only love him as deeply as I can. The rest is not in my hands.

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