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Common Gay Archetypes of Singapore


ctglobal

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I decided to make a list of the archetypes (stereotypes?) of gays that one might encounter in Singapore, based on own personal experience and misadventures.... mostly the latter. This is done completely tongue-in-cheek (read: not to be taken seriously or offensively), so if you are easy-to-bruise reading forums, you may want to click onto the next thread.  Feel free to add to this list based on your own experiences, tragedies, etc., in good humour:

 

Ang moh normalis - doofy, nondescript white dude to the point of boring. conversational equivalent of a doorstop. no idea how he got [that job], and you might even wonder how he got [insert pass type] to stay here.

Ang moh arrogantis - one of those a$$hole$ with some wanky expat job who thinks he owns everyone, everything, and is good looking (even though his ugliness goes clear to the bone) simply because there will always be some SPG chasing him simply because they want to score a white boy

Angmohporean - been here long enough to think/act/behave uncannily local to the point he may seem more local than local... and that is unsettling for locals

Closet denialist - one of those so-obvious-it-hurts-but-thinks-everyone-believes-he's-straight kind of people (but they saw that sky blue blazer you wore to the company DND, so yeah ... front page news)

Religious closet denialist - similar to the above but with added religious baggage attached (but seriously, your cell group already knows dude...)

Closeted fearfuls - the world will, quite literally, end if/when anyone should find out that they like men (but seriously, mom already knows dude...)

Closeted ambivalent - buried deep in the back of the wardrobe so far they are lost and simply don't care anymore and its so dark they will never see the light of dick again

Religious ironica - scripture thump by day, bed hump by night. Wash in self-loathing, rinse, and repeat (repent?).

Shy-lah - no matter what the topic, they are somehow simply too embarrassed/scared/nervous/shy to discuss it

Shy inexperienced - as per above, but so shy that they are additionally scared to meet people and also scared of their own shadow

Homely heartlander - you would never guess in a million years they are gay, right down to grown out roots of the bad dye-job

Heartlander gaymer - work. home. [choose RPG/LAN/HP game(s) of choice, and likely run multiple concurrently]. instant noodles. cigarettes. repeat.

Fitness obsessica - no life besides working out in some kind of crazy sporting activity 10x per week and twice on the 8th day of the week just so they can look ripped in Insta posts, around which their whole life revolves. #fitspo (but we will all masturbate to them anyway...)

Gymrat - similar to above but with weights; time in the gym spent at the detriment to personality development and anything worthy of talking about with another human being (...wash, rinse, and...)

Gymrat prawnicus - similar to both above but with added compensation for facial inadequacies, real or perceived (...repeat)

Giftimates - unable to have real intimacy with another human being and avoids situations where it might be necessitated. Instead substitutes strange and unasked for gifts in lieu of said intimacy, then wonders why their receiving party gets annoyed.

Careerist - corporate ladders. proposals. client meetings. business trips. money. stocks. more money. watches. cars. investments. paintings. late hours. THE DEAL. then play hard! boring talk. but they think they can still find time to date. right... [secretly lusting after their boss/partner/CEO/colleague]

SPG - (needs no explanation)

Elitist - name-dropping, fancy place going, down-the-nose-at-you looking, expensive area living, lavish trip taking, son-of-money gay label whore

Scholar arrogantis - so ivy league ivory tower you will never be intellectually on par with him so don't even try, you plebeian (but usually wants to be totally dominated in bed). and PS, he plays piano par excellence, but no longer does so competitively, just in case you were wondering.

Submissives - yes sir! no secret, just wants to be dominated in bed. and everywhere else. pass the cage please, sir. lock me up for the next 6 months.

Daddy complexis - worshiping, nay obsessed, with older men, one wonders where their relationship with their own father went so very sideways...

Mummyboy maxima - because she still cooks, cleans, and wipes his ass, he will do whatever she tells him to do. "okay lah mummy, home by 11 p.m. and will pick up the orange juice on the way. love you. okay, cook my favourite laksa can?"

Indecisive - he never knows what he wants to do. so you decide. but wait not that... maybe something else.  or? that... maybe...

Gen Y Narcissista - his only claim to fame is the fact that he can perfectly frame just about any self/we/fie, filter, edit, and post it before whatever the food du jour on the table is gets cold. "DID I SHOW YOU MY VACATION PICTURES? OMG YOU *HAVE* TO SEE..."  [see also, below of a similar species]

Millenial Bore-whore - flips through his phone and tells you nonstop everything about his "life" through visuals and videos without pause or contemplation that you *might* not (read: definitely aren't) interested in, ignores all body language cues you give to suggest exactly that, and then at some point in the conversation when you are just about ready to a) walk out or b) kill him, he suggests that perhaps he come spend the night with you. 

Partyboy alcoholica - Tuesday night, bad day, get slammed.  Wednesday night, work drinks.  Thursday night, friend's b-day.  Friday night, Tantric.  Saturday night... you wonder how his liver does it.

Sexcapists - 24/7 scrolling/swiping/hooking up to the point where they are doing all of that while desperation fucking someone while they consecutively jerk off strangers in MacRitchie. oh look, that one is only 10m away! "Seek?"

Chemsex Butt-slut - the world is frozen, and we don't mean that goddamn Disney kid-flick.  Between starving himself at the gym and trading contaminated body fluids while high at the CF soiree, he has little time for anything else ("But hey, gotta try everything once, right? #YOLO").  Well, that is until he reaches the ripe age where he has his STD farm to attend to and a world of medication, assuming he got wise to the obvious.  Got ice?


 

... and the [mostly] normal everyone else.

 

 

Edited by ctglobal
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