Heartbits (Speak your heart out)

[kinkienips]

11 hours ago, calvt said:

River part 3 - Goodnight, Good Morning!

 

River started to invite me to one of his overnight sleepover parties at his house on Fridays after the cell group meetings. It was actually an unofficial hangout of some of the youth church guys where they would play computer games and would have late supper roti prata etc. 

 

Sometimes they would have night cycling outings at the Yishun Dam with their bikes and all. Other times its just hanging out at River’s house. Most of them were other regular church boys who were very actively involved in church, just like their parents were too. 

 

Of course this group was made up of elite guys from other elite schools. It was a totally different world from me. But they were very civil and nice to me. They were not the kind of snobbish guys that many would expect.

 

I never have the luxury to afford computer games so I have never played computer games before and would often just watch them play the games or watch other Hollywood films etc in River’s room. I could see that they were very generous to teach me those games but I was just contented to watch them play the games. 

 

River was certainly from a different world than me. His house was a 3-storey bungalow in a quiet housing estate. Their family had 3 cars and a friendly maid. His parents were successful business professionals and his brother was a successful working professional too. He definitely came from money.

 

Yet, his parents were all so humble and nice to me, always trying to find out if my parents were well or etc or if I wanted any special food made etc. I had a hunch that River did reveal something to them about my home situation, but they never made me feel less special. Always so kind and friendly. Something I’ve never really experienced in my life at home. 

 

That night, the rest of the church guys were playing their football computer game on the TV console while I was just watching them. Soon enough, I fell asleep on the sofa. I woke up after a quick nap and found that I was already on River’s king size bed! And he was just laying sideways next to me with his back facing me, watching the other guys gaming on the other side of his studio sized bedroom.

 

Then he realised that I had woken up and turn to asked me if they had been noisy. He giggled and told me that he had carried me to the bed earlier while I fell asleep on the sofa. I could not believed that he would actually do that.

So kind and gentleman! I quickly apologised to him and he assured me it was fine and proceeded to ask if I wanted to join him to get some supper nearby? 

 

We walked to the nearby prata shop to buy supper for the rest of the boys. Along the way, River asked if I was a deep sleeper. Because I did not move or even noticed that I was being carried by him. He kept teasing me about it. I giggled and he just pat my hair and laughed along too. I was so shy. This was my first time having sleepover at any friend’s house!

 

I was so embarrassed too! But deep inside, I was so excited that he did it. River was really such handsome guy. After all, he is tall, about 1.9m and was quite gym-built as he has his own gym at home. I joked to him that maybe he could do some weight training by carrying me. 

 

He laughed again and patted my head said, ‘Maybe hor, you’re not that light too! Maybe you should join me in my gym session at home! I can train you up!’

 

I could not say yes to him at that moment but I just smile and treated that comment as him making conversation. But I kept questioning myself like who am I to even try to be his friend?

 

Then silence and he asked me again why I did not noticed him carrying me earlier. I guessed he really wanted to know the answer. I could not change this topic!

 

‘Maybe I was so comfortable in your room. It gives me a very nice… safe feeling. The environment is homely and so comfortable’ I replied to him, almost regretting that I said that.

 

‘Then you are very much welcome to join us after Friday cell meetings? It’s not often…but we usually have it when most of us just want to..you know let loose and play some CS. I will let you know when we have another one again ok?’ he smiled again before paying for the supper. I nodded and proceed to help him carry some of the drinks for supper. 

 

The boys played their games until about 1am, and only two of them wanted to stay over. They decided to sleep on a mattress on the floor whereas River had already insisted that I would sleep beside him.

 

It felt so weird really. To have another warm body laying beside me. I had never shared a bed with another person. I changed into River’s PJs and jumped into his bed. River continued to chat with me about school, about church and etc until we both fell asleep. 

 

I woke up around 9am the next day when I found that I was kind of hugging and spooning River. My dick was pressing hard onto his firm butt  and he was holding my hand lightly!

 

The other two church guys were already downstairs in the kitchen having breakfast, probably waiting for us to wake up.

I quickly sat up and apologised to River as he turned around to face me, just smiled back and said ‘Good Morning’ to me. He then said that he did not mind it because it is normal thing to have morning erection. And the AC was blasting so cold, so it was normal to hug him for warm.

 

He then grabbed my dick jokingly and put my hand on his hard dick and said that he was hard too. That was the most physical I had ever been with River! I had a nice feel of his dick and it was indeed hard warm and quite sizable. I wanted to tease him and ask how big was his dick but I was too shy to ask him further. I quickly withdrew my hand from him and giggled to him that I was warmed up already.

 

‘Don’t worry. We are guys after all? Its normal to have erection! It’s part of us being guys right? Hey I do like your butt massage ok!’ River so cheekily replied. 

 

That was when I realised that he must have felt my hard-on pressing on his ass!

 

We quickly prepared to wash up and join the other guys for breakfast. And after that day, whenever we have games nights, he would always be so generous and nice to invite me to share his bed with him.

 

And he would be so touchy like putting his hands on my shoulder when we speak in church. 

But the dick touching only happened once that morning.

I was so shy and did not want to destroy our friendship any further. 

That’s a nice story and I am really hooked. Keep it coming. 

[calvt]

River Part 4 - Retreat in KL

 

River started to hang out with my school friends from the uniform group as well during the Church activities. Our social circle began to merge organically. The neighbourhood schools boys were mixing well with the elite school boys. We were attending lots of youth meetings during the week as well as the church wanted to invite more boys from my school to join these activities. 

 

The church decided to have an overseas church camp in KL during the school holidays. They had booked a hotel where they planned a week of prayer and healing services and a famous American preacher was invited to be there. 

 

I was very lucky to be invited by River’s parents to the youth camp and so I was looking so forward to the retreat. Maybe it was the stable family environment of that church, I really was touched by this kind gesture from River’s parents. His brother was also so kind to me, even calling me his little ‘Didi’ too.

 

Initially I was assigned to share a room with two other school friends from my uniform group. It was expected as we were from the same school after all. But I was not getting along with one of the guys who was always mocking me for having basic clothes and etc already. Hence, I kept to myself during the tour bus ride to KL. 

 

As there were 3 of us to a room, I just took the sofa bed instead so that I would not want to create anymore drama with the other guys. After dropping my bags, I left the room and proceed to go to check out the hotel facility myself. 

 

Since the next activity was gonna be a couple of hours later, I decided to just relax by the hotel pool myself. As I did not get any SIM card, I decided it was nice to be left alone and take my mind off and chill.  

 

I was woken up by a tap from River, who was already sitting on my sun lounger. I was really glad to see him and he just smile and asked me if everything was okay. As he had travelled in his family’s car, he could not catch up with me earlier but his parents were concerned as they could not locate me in my room. 

 

I was so touched by their concern and River quickly texted them that he had found me. They called back and I could hear them laughing over the phone and telling him to get me settled down and to join them for dinner. So nice to have kind parents who actually cares about their son’s church friend. So sweet of them!

 

I shared with River about the bad situation earlier with the school friends earlier and he immediately asked me to bunk with him instead.

 

‘What about your brother? Where is he going to sleep?’ I asked.

 

‘He’s rooming with his fiancée! She was able to make it for the retreat too! How wonderful huh?’ He then continued to accompany me back to my room to have a chat with the other two guys. River gave them a stern talk, basically telling them to be more understanding and grateful for a week of renewal and fellowship etc.

 

Not as if they would appreciate it anyway since they were kind of jerky to me earlier.

 

And since there was another empty bed in his room, he took my luggage and insisted that I share the room with him. I felt a little relieved and was touched again by his gesture. 

 

Although his room was always occupied during the day anyway since the youth leaders also tend to hang around there, but I don’t mind really. It was nice to be away from the other two snobbish guys anyway. And I so treasure each moment I had with River. Even if he was practicing some worship songs in the room and singing to me. 

 

During the week, our church sessions were pretty shocking for some of the hotel staff too. As it was a Pentecostal church, there were sessions of people speaking in tongues, dropping on the floor and sobbing their eyes out. And the hotel staff would freak out or give us a funny look.

 

I do not blame anyone for thinking as this was indeed scary and may not seemed not normal to a random stranger. It was quite a scary sight! A pentecostal church service is quite intense for sure.

 

And it was during one of these sessions where River held my hands and prayed for me to get ‘slain’ by the Holy Ghost. Just like that, I was baptised by the Holy Ghost.

 

I was a total sceptic actually and I never thought that I would be able to experience that feeling of being ‘slain’ by the Holy Ghost. 

 

It was like I was frozen and I suddenly fell back down into River’s arms. He slowly laid me on the floor and covered me with blankets and then continued to pray with me. River then sat beside, watching over me. 

 

I guess I was always denying my feelings about everything in my wretched life but I could not hold it anymore. I began to sob and shivered . I began to receive visions of light, love, healing and calmness and all the while, I kept hearing River’s voice guiding me, calming me etc. 

Sometimes he would sing to me and sometimes he cried along with me.

And then I began to speak in tongues. It was indescribable! As if I was possessed. As if most of the church people were possessed.

 

Some of them were laughing out loud. The Spirit was truly contagious! 

Like a Mexican wave in a stadium, it would spread from one side of the room to the other and back. These sessions would last at least about 3 to 4 hours each! And then we would break for lunch or dinner. 

 

After the evening service, I began to walk back to the room alone. I was so exhausted and could not even finish my dinner but had to force myself to eat some food somehow. 

 

River had a little worship leader meeting and so was not able to hang out with me that evening. I went back to shower, turned on the tv and began to watch a film on the HBO channel. 

 

Then, River came into the room at about 1130pm. He was so sweet and told me not to fall asleep, but to wait up for him. I began to make some Milo for him while he was showering.

 

After that, he sat on my bed and we began to share about our day. I told him I was pretty overwhelmed by the sessions earlier and I could not understand all the weird things that I was sprouting earlier. 

 

River then put his arms around me and said began to look at me intensely. He said God loved me so much and he have to be sure I am not alone in this. 

 

Then he told me he loves me too. His love for me was beyond words could described. He could not label the love but felt a deep need to try to help me navigate my broken life. 

 

I teased him and said ‘You mean like a lover?’

 

He smiled and said, ‘Maybe…kind of like David and Jonathan in the bible. That kind of love between two men that goes beyond everything?’ 

 

Often our Pastor would skim over this story and would just state that its a Christian brotherly kind of love. But that night, River told me he really do not see the need to label that kind of love.

 

‘Love is Love and God is Love.'

 

I looked at him and my tears just flowed. He hugged me tightly and I just sobbed into his arms. We must have hugged for a good 20 minutes. I really wanted to kiss him too but all I could do was just release all the suppressed feelings inside me and cry while he was just comforting me by hugging me so tightly, tapping my back. 

I swear if he were to kiss me right there I would give in. But I did not dare to do anything else. 

 

After I had recovered, we finished the milo and began to prepare for bed. That night, River turned and faced me while I sleep. He told me that he will be watching me to make sure I was fine.

 

I never thought that anyone would be so nice to me but he was very caring and attentive. I felt God’s love flowing through him and for me, that was enough really.

 

After the church retreat in KL, my friendship with River deepened. He attended my baptism and continued to mentor me in the bible studies. I began to open up more to him and to the rest of the church youth as well. But he never told anyone about my home situation. Nonetheless, I was so touched to have met such a kind decent person from church.

 

I prayed hard and hope that these good times will continue to sustain me mentally before my O’ levels the year after.

Edited March 28, 2023 by calvt

[Guest Guest]

27 minutes ago, calvt said:

River Part 4 - Retreat in KL

 

River started to hang out with my school friends from the uniform group as well during the Church activities. Our social circle began to merge organically. The neighbourhood schools boys were mixing well with the elite school boys. We were attending lots of youth meetings during the week as well as the church wanted to invite more boys from my school to join these activities. 

 

The church decided to have an overseas church camp in KL during the school holidays. They had booked a hotel where they planned a week of prayer and healing services and a famous American preacher was invited to be there. 

 

I was very lucky to be invited by River’s parents to the youth camp and so I was looking so forward to the retreat. Maybe it was the stable family environment of that church, I really was touched by this kind gesture from River’s parents. His brother was also so kind to me, even calling me his little ‘Didi’ too.

 

Initially I was assigned to share a room with two other school friends from my uniform group. It was expected as we were from the same school after all. But I was not getting along with one of the guys who was always mocking me for having basic clothes and etc already. Hence, I kept to myself during the tour bus ride to KL. 

 

As there were 3 of us to a room, I just took the sofa bed instead so that I would not want to create anymore drama with the other guys. After dropping my bags, I left the room and proceed to go to check out the hotel facility myself. 

 

Since the next activity was gonna be a couple of hours later, I decided to just relax by the hotel pool myself. As I did not get any SIM card, I decided it was nice to be left alone and take my mind off and chill.  

 

I was woken up by a tap from River, who was already sitting on my sun lounger. I was really glad to see him and he just smile and asked me if everything was okay. As he had travelled in his family’s car, he could not catch up with me earlier but his parents were concerned as they could not locate me in my room. 

 

I was so touched by their concern and River quickly texted them that he had found me. They called back and I could hear them laughing over the phone and telling him to get me settled down and to join them for dinner. So nice to have kind parents who actually cares about their son’s church friend. So sweet of them!

 

I shared with River about the bad situation earlier with the school friends earlier and he immediately asked me to bunk with him instead.

 

‘What about your brother? Where is he going to sleep?’ I asked.

 

‘He’s rooming with his fiancée! She was able to make it for the retreat too! How wonderful huh?’ He then continued to accompany me back to my room to have a chat with the other two guys. River gave them a stern talk, basically telling them to be more understanding and grateful for a week of renewal and fellowship etc.

 

Not as if they would appreciate it anyway since they were kind of jerky to me earlier.

 

And since there was another empty bed in his room, he took my luggage and insisted that I share the room with him. I felt a little relieved and was touched again by his gesture. 

 

Although his room was always occupied during the day anyway since the youth leaders also tend to hang around there, but I don’t mind really. It was nice to be away from the other two snobbish guys anyway. And I so treasure each moment I had with River. Even if he was practicing some worship songs in the room and singing to me. 

 

During the week, our church sessions were pretty shocking for some of the hotel staff too. As it was a Pentecostal church, there were sessions of people speaking in tongues, dropping on the floor and sobbing their eyes out. And the hotel staff would freak out or give us a funny look.

 

I do not blame anyone for thinking as this was indeed scary and may not seemed not normal to a random stranger. It was quite a scary sight! A pentecostal church service is quite intense for sure.

 

And it was during one of these sessions where River held my hands and prayed for me to get ‘slain’ by the Holy Ghost. Just like that, I was baptised by the Holy Ghost.

 

I was a total sceptic actually and I never thought that I would be able to experience that feeling of being ‘slain’ by the Holy Ghost. 

 

It was like I was frozen and I suddenly fell back down into River’s arms. He slowly laid me on the floor and covered me with blankets and then continued to pray with me. River then sat beside, watching over me. 

 

I guess I was always denying my feelings about everything in my wretched life but I could not hold it anymore. I began to sob and shivered . I began to receive visions of light, love, healing and calmness and all the while, I kept hearing River’s voice guiding me, calming me etc. 

Sometimes he would sing to me and sometimes he cried along with me.

And then I began to speak in tongues. It was indescribable! As if I was possessed. As if most of the church people were possessed.

 

Some of them were laughing out loud. The Spirit was truly contagious! 

Like a Mexican wave in a stadium, it would spread from one side of the room to the other and back. These sessions would last at least about 3 to 4 hours each! And then we would break for lunch or dinner. 

 

After the evening service, I began to walk back to the room alone. I was so exhausted and could not even finish my dinner but had to force myself to eat some food somehow. 

 

River had a little worship leader meeting and so was not able to hang out with me that evening. I went back to shower, turned on the tv and began to watch a film on the HBO channel. 

 

Then, River came into the room at about 1130pm. He was so sweet and told me not to fall asleep, but to wait up for him. I began to make some Milo for him while he was showering.

 

After that, he sat on my bed and we began to share about our day. I told him I was pretty overwhelmed by the sessions earlier and I could not understand all the weird things that I was sprouting earlier. 

 

River then put his arms around me and said began to look at me intensely. He said God loved me so much and he have to be sure I am not alone in this. 

 

Then he told me he loves me too. His love for me was beyond words could described. He could not label the love but felt a deep need to try to help me navigate my broken life. 

 

I teased him and said ‘You mean like a lover?’

 

He smiled and said, ‘Maybe…kind of like David and Jonathan in the bible. That kind of love between two men that goes beyond everything?’ 

 

Often our Pastor would skim over this story and would just state that its a Christian brotherly kind of love. But that night, River told me he really do not see the need to label that kind of love.

 

‘Love is Love and God is Love.'

 

I looked at him and my tears just flowed. He hugged me tightly and I just sobbed into his arms. We must have hugged for a good 20 minutes. I really wanted to kiss him too but all I could do was just release all the suppressed feelings inside me and cry while he was just comforting me by hugging me so tightly, tapping my back. 

I swear if he were to kiss me right there I would give in. But I did not dare to do anything else. 

 

After I had recovered, we finished the milo and began to prepare for bed. That night, River turned and faced me while I sleep. He told me that he will be watching me to make sure I was fine.

 

I never thought that anyone would be so nice to me but he was very caring and attentive. I felt God’s love flowing through him and for me, that was enough really.

 

After the church retreat in KL, my friendship with River deepened. He attended my baptism and continued to mentor me in the bible studies. I began to open up more to him and to the rest of the church youth as well. But he never told anyone about my home situation. Nonetheless, I was so touched to have met such a kind decent person from church.

 

I prayed hard and hope that these good times will continue to sustain me mentally before my O’ levels the year after.

 

Woah!! 

But yeah, some of the best people, and some of the worst people, can somehow come from the same church!

Thank you again for sharing!

I was actually pictures various scenes from your story in my mind, including the church service where the hotel staff were shocked by what they witnessed 😄

And, yes, I've always wondered about David & Jonathan 😏

[calvt]

15 hours ago, Guest Guest said:

 

Woah!! 

But yeah, some of the best people, and some of the worst people, can somehow come from the same church!

Thank you again for sharing!

I was actually pictures various scenes from your story in my mind, including the church service where the hotel staff were shocked by what they witnessed 😄

And, yes, I've always wondered about David & Jonathan 😏

 

Thank you very much for reading, wish I could have a profile to thank you personally!

This was a series of stories I wrote last time and there's like 2 more chapters to go. It's not gonna end good because such is life.

I did have many touching moments with River in between this and the next 2 chapters but I'll will probably try to write them down too. Will be travelling soon and coming back to Sg for visit maybe I'll write them on the plane.

[calvt]

River Part 5 - The Split

One year later, our church decided to split our youth group into 2 units, as the Church’s youth population was increasing. Since River lived in another suburb from me, I was ‘assigned’ by the church to be under another Youth group nearer my home. It was an emotional event for me. I could sensed that in him too. 

 

River invited me for a nice dinner in City Hall one Thursday evening to discuss the Youth group splitting up issue. His eyes suddenly welled up when he said that this could be the last time he would be able to mentor me.

 

We simply looked at each other and smiled. I told him, maybe this was how the earlier disciples felt when they had to split to go to the ends of the earth to spread Christ’s message huh?

 

‘Maybe huh?’ He sighed again. Then silence. We walked towards the old Funan and chatted more. Then we stopped at Clarke Quay and sat down by the river after getting an ice cream cone. 

 

River felt that the church was quite out of touch in regards to the youth’s welfare. A split will affect my mentorship with him especially when he could not be able to keep tap on my Christian walk. I was quite upset too as it meant I have to mix with the other youth members who were not that understanding to me. 

 

I felt I had lost a friend too. But change is always part of life and I told River not to think too negatively. I would still be able to see him on some corporate Sunday services. Which is not bad anyway. And he could call me anytime to keep tabs on me. I promised him that.

 

He then promised me that he will be always be contactable to me. So sincere and like he wanted to say something more. I knew there was more he wanted to tell me but since we are all in church and all, he could not bring himself to tell me. 

 

As for me, why should I even indulge in these feelings? I mean, he really was just a nice church friend right? I should not be imposing on him anymore and this was a sign from above that I should concentrate on how to finish my secondary school education. 

 

Also, I had to find part-time jobs too in order to get some more allowance.

 

Luckily, I was lucky to find retail promoting jobs and I learned how to stock and stack products, deal with customers and bring in the sales etc. I actually quite like enjoyed these jobs very much and the idea of earning extra money on the weekends meant I would get more money too. 

 

But that meant I would attend lesser church activities in the coming weekends. And I drifted away from the church activities. 

 

No more prayer meetings at first, then no more cell group meetings on Fridays, and lastly no more youth activities on Saturday or even corporate church services on Sundays. 

 

Which meant less sightings of River in the corporate church services, less catching up with River too.

 

I also wasn’t bonding well to this new group of youth in my cell group, as they were kind of superficial and always trying to impress some church youth leaders. If you’re in that pentecostal youth church environment, you would know that it was always about the popularity of certain popular figures in church and etc. 

 

River called me one day after a few months later. He was busy with his JC1 and was wondering how am I coping with the O’levels. He apologised to me for not catching up. He chided me for not attending church too.

 

Then our phone calls decreased, as I struggled to prepare for my upcoming O’Levels, my abusive family environment, and money problem. I also stopped attending my uniform group too.

 

Then my family moved again to another side of Singapore and I had to transfer school in my last year, thus I was able to cut off from this church cell group completely.

 

Nobody was able to reach me as I had lost my handphone too during the move and had to get another number. Just like that, I literally cut off contact with church.

 

Had to cope with new school environment, and preparations for my O’levels. 

[calvt]

END - River Part 6 - We saw each other on the MRT.

 

Two years later, I was reading a textbook on the MRT on my way to another part-time job in the city, when suddenly someone tapped me on my shoulder. I looked up and it was River.

 

I was shocked to see River and as there was an empty seat beside me, he quickly sat down next to me and started to bombard me with so many questions. I was shocked to see him now. Bulkier and beautiful handsome eyes. And that sweet handsome smile. 

 

He started to bombard me with questions. Like, where am I going now? Why am I still going to work on a Saturday morning when I should be maybe be busy in my new JC or Poly? 

Like how come I had suddenly disappeared from church altogether? 

 

Since we happened to head out to Orchard MRT, and I had some time before my next job starts, I asked him if he has time for a quick coffee. We went to the Coffee Bean in Forum Mall, ordered our drinks and sat down for about an hour catching up.

 

I answered his many rapid questions, like how come I have changed my number, due to it being lost and so all my contacts were gone. And I actually did very badly for my Maths and Science papers that I wasn’t able to go into the Poly and apply for my desired course, and that was why I was reading my textbook on the train as I was retaking those subjects again.

 

On the eve of my exams, my parents had a major fight and decided to beat the shit out of me. Yes. On the eve of those exams. Just my fate huh? 

 

So I decided to retake those two subjects again and but due to God’s grace, I was able to recover myself slowly and find another private school to re-do my O’levels. 

 

I was also fortunate to find a steady work and had regular gigs promoting various products and all. I was 17 years old but was able to save a substantial sum of money while taking the year off to redo my exams. I was able to support myself financially and that really changed my own situation. 

 

I was also able to move out and rent a room from my aunt’s friend. She was the only one from my family helping me secretly. So I was able to find a quiet place to restart and slowly rebuild myself.

 

River looked at me again in silence. He held my hand tightly on the table and just looked at my face. His eyes were red again.

 

We did not say much after. But I know what he felt inside. I had seen it before. Full of concern and love. 

River was doing so well too. Got into a top JC and was dating a girl from his JC. His family were also busy organising another fundraising event to build more churches in Africa. Stuff like that made me glad for him. At least he was busy doing God’s work. So glad that he had found his calling.

 

He admitted that he was kind of missing me but like he mentioned before, David and Jonathan in the bible. He was kind of embarrassed when he said that but I got it. 

 

That covenant that David and Jonathan made for each other and the kind of love they shared. 

 

Samuel 20:14-1 (NASB)

¹⁴ And if I am still alive, will you not show me the faithfulness of the Lord, so that I do not die? 

¹⁵ And you shall never cut off your loyalty to my house, not even when the Lord cuts off every one of the enemies of David from the face of the earth.” 

¹⁶ So Jonathan made a covenant with the house of David, saying, “May the Lord demand it from the hands of David’s enemies.” 

¹⁷ And Jonathan made David vow again because of his love for him, because he loved him as he loved his own life.

 

I told him, ‘Nothing wrong with expressing Christ’s love to another right?’

It’s always Christ’s love that we spoke about. And that made everything easier to express our affection. Brothers in Christ. That kind of love. God’s Agape Love. 

 

River immediately asked for my number and dialled it to make sure I got his number too. 

I had to run soon to my job and so we parted. He texted me later in the evening to ask me if I had my dinner. Then he asked me if I wanted to go back to church. 

 

He wanted me to rejoin and attend his youth group and not the one that our church had assigned to me. 

I was so touched that he would do that. He wanted me to go through another bible training lesson together in church. He knew I loved reading the Word. Discussing Biblical theology and etc.

 

But I could not say yes to him. I still have other stuff to worry about. My life then was not able accommodate issues like church and bible classes. 

 

I had many other important things to prioritise.

 

These churchy activities don’t really feed me or pay my rent. I was also worried about paying my school fees. 

That was the last time we met. I avoided his calls and texts afterwards. I knew that I was not suppose to be around him and I should not be wasting anymore of his time. 

 

His calls eventually stopped after a few months. 

 

I prayed that I did not hurt him much. Since he did not know where I lived, I was glad he was not able to find me. He texted me that he even tried to go on the same route same time on the MRT, just to have a chance to bump into me again. 

 

He wished that he had stopped me that day and just won’t let me go to my work. That he had followed me to work so that at least he knew where to find me after. And he would had held my hand tightly that day in the cafe and make me stay with him. 

 

He said that no one from church could direct him to me as I had completely cut off ties with the Church youth group. He also felt that he might have spooked my off with his reaction. He said he does not have ‘homosexual feelings’ but just a Christian brother who really wants me to be included in his life.

 

I wanted to tell him too that I had fallen for him all these while, but I could not because it is unnatural and is a sin in the eyes of others in church.

 

I stared at those texts and I cried and prayed that his heart will be healed. Because I am the one causing him so much hurt now.

 

This was almost like a first love because I didn’t really date during secondary school or felt feelings like this until I met River. I also started to explore the gay circle after I had left church. Chatting with guys on mIRC and figuring out what type of guys I like. 

 

Years later, I did saw River again walking in town with some friends. I wanted to stop myself from going up to him and just hid behind him and watch him from afar. I guess it's better to keep those feelings inside me. 

 

Edited March 30, 2023 by calvt

[Guest Guest]

Hi Calvt, thanks so much for sharing your story. I wish you could have gotten together with River or at least stayed as friends. Who knows, maybe he still thinks of you. 

[calvt]

1 hour ago, Guest Guest said:

Hi Calvt, thanks so much for sharing your story. I wish you could have gotten together with River or at least stayed as friends. Who knows, maybe he still thinks of you. 

Thank you for reading Guest! I appreciate it! Maybe who knows? I still think about him whenever I’m back in Sg. 😊

[Guest Guest]

Your situation reminds me of my own situation in the sense that my heart was broken by my crush. I was seriously hurt by it and it took me a long time to get over it, but unexpectedly, I ran into my crush just last month. We had a good chat and I found myself being happy for them and they for me. Somehow, it made me feel a lot better knowing that it was all resolved. Maybe you should consider doing that to River Calvt. At the very least, it would give you some closure.

[Guest Guest]

On 3/29/2023 at 12:04 PM, calvt said:

 

Thank you very much for reading, wish I could have a profile to thank you personally!

This was a series of stories I wrote last time and there's like 2 more chapters to go. It's not gonna end good because such is life.

I did have many touching moments with River in between this and the next 2 chapters but I'll will probably try to write them down too. Will be travelling soon and coming back to Sg for visit maybe I'll write them on the plane.

 

Hey! Thank you!

Actually, I do have a BW account but I don't use it anymore due to a lot of nonsense from other BW members.

 

I read the conclusion of your story.

It's very sad, but I think I might have done the same as you. The feeling like you don't belong in his upper class, hetero-normative, elite circle is something that I am also familiar with.

As for your parents beating you on the eve of your exams . . . 🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️

 

I'm not sure how old you are now, but I hope that financially, you are doing very well and don't need to depend on your parents.

 

Like what others have said, maybe you can find a way to reconnect with River. Start by looking at his church's FB page. You might be able to spot his FB profile liking some of the posts. Or try googling his name, if it helps.

 

Personally, I think River is either closeted or bi. He just could not admit it due to his strong Christian values.

 

Thanks for the story again! You write very well!

[calvt]

10 minutes ago, Guest Guest said:

 

Hey! Thank you!

Actually, I do have a BW account but I don't use it anymore due to a lot of nonsense from other BW members.

 

I read the conclusion of your story.

It's very sad, but I think I might have done the same as you. The feeling like you don't belong in his upper class, hetero-normative, elite circle is something that I am also familiar with.

As for your parents beating you on the eve of your exams . . . 🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️🤦‍♂️

 

I'm not sure how old you are now, but I hope that financially, you are doing very well and don't need to depend on your parents.

 

Like what others have said, maybe you can find a way to reconnect with River. Start by looking at his church's FB page. You might be able to spot his FB profile liking some of the posts. Or try googling his name, if it helps.

 

Personally, I think River is either closeted or bi. He just could not admit it due to his strong Christian values.

 

Thanks for the story again! You write very well!

 

Hello Guest,

I don't think I want to disturb his life now. I know where to find him. It's just that he does not know where to find me. I have moved to a far far away place and I feel sometimes its better to leave these memories alone and try to move on with my life. I felt much better releasing this story to the world and at least it gave me much comfort to know that you appreciated my story. He might be closeted like many here on this forum are. It will be quite a church scandal if he were to truly live his truth. He is married now and have beautiful kids. I think it's best to wish him the best.

I'm okay still surviving but I got tru the toughest times of my life. It sad that the most evil people in my life are from my own family but I got tru it somehow. I don't think anyone would truly understand the damage the trauma I still have sometimes when I dream about those days. Even my exes could not understand why I behave in certain ways and thats why it's better for me to be alone now.

At least I don't have to hurt anyone unintentionally.

I think everything do eventually will turn out alright. I just don't expect much from my life, just no expectation. Thank you again and I hope I will have more stories to share in future.

Blessings.

[IkuTube]

5 hours ago, calvt said:

 

Hello Guest,

I don't think I want to disturb his life now. I know where to find him. It's just that he does not know where to find me. I have moved to a far far away place and I feel sometimes its better to leave these memories alone and try to move on with my life. I felt much better releasing this story to the world and at least it gave me much comfort to know that you appreciated my story. He might be closeted like many here on this forum are. It will be quite a church scandal if he were to truly live his truth. He is married now and have beautiful kids. I think it's best to wish him the best.

I'm okay still surviving but I got tru the toughest times of my life. It sad that the most evil people in my life are from my own family but I got tru it somehow. I don't think anyone would truly understand the damage the trauma I still have sometimes when I dream about those days. Even my exes could not understand why I behave in certain ways and thats why it's better for me to be alone now.

At least I don't have to hurt anyone unintentionally.

I think everything do eventually will turn out alright. I just don't expect much from my life, just no expectation. Thank you again and I hope I will have more stories to share in future.

Blessings.

 

Dear @calvt, I love the way you see life in a bigger picture.   In your own way, you respect life to be what it is.  You have made me to be at awe with it.  Your level of acceptance is remarkable, not only for your family but with River too.  You are rich with your own take on spirituality and at you being a good human.

 

I am wishing you the best in life.  May you be happy always and may success be upon you.  May the blessings be to you, @calvt.

 

PS - Do you want to have your story posted in a dedicated thread and not here?

 

 

[calvt]

3 hours ago, IkuTube said:

 

Dear @calvt, I love the way you see life in a bigger picture.   In your own way, you respect life to be what it is.  You have made me to be at awe with it.  Your level of acceptance is remarkable, not only for your family but with River too.  You are rich with your own take on spirituality and at you being a good human.

 

I am wishing you the best in life.  May you be happy always and may success be upon you.  May the blessings be to you, @calvt.

 

PS - Do you want to have your story posted in a dedicated thread and not here?

 

 

Thank you so much for your kind words! I’m so touched! I rather leave this story here as these are indeed words from my heart.

I also don’t want to be like a couple years ago when I did started a similar thread and had wanted to leave more of my story there, until some ang moh came and express his own opinions on MY life and that thread became a flaming one.

If you search my profile history you will see some of those earlier hurtful words from him. So sick of him really. 

I have also since discovered the wonderful option of ignoring that ang moh’s words now. 

I also like to express my appreciation to some of the kind DMs too from other fellow BW guys. Thank you for reading my story. My heart is full. ❤️ 

[Guest Guest]

14 hours ago, calvt said:

 

Hello Guest,

I don't think I want to disturb his life now. I know where to find him. It's just that he does not know where to find me. I have moved to a far far away place and I feel sometimes its better to leave these memories alone and try to move on with my life. I felt much better releasing this story to the world and at least it gave me much comfort to know that you appreciated my story. He might be closeted like many here on this forum are. It will be quite a church scandal if he were to truly live his truth. He is married now and have beautiful kids. I think it's best to wish him the best.

I'm okay still surviving but I got tru the toughest times of my life. It sad that the most evil people in my life are from my own family but I got tru it somehow. I don't think anyone would truly understand the damage the trauma I still have sometimes when I dream about those days. Even my exes could not understand why I behave in certain ways and thats why it's better for me to be alone now.

At least I don't have to hurt anyone unintentionally.

I think everything do eventually will turn out alright. I just don't expect much from my life, just no expectation. Thank you again and I hope I will have more stories to share in future.

Blessings.

 

To add, I feel that River should have tried to befriend you without the additional conditions of attending Bible study with him, rejoining the youth group, going back to church, etc. 

I think the Christian stuff adds a lot of pressure to the friendship, and can really spoil it.

It is a very common trait with devout, sincere Christians, unfortunately. Sadly, it can cause the recipient to wonder if the Christian friend is truly trying to be a good friend, or just trying to evangelise you and get you to join his church.

In any case, I respect your decision not to approach River anymore. I myself have done the same thing throughout my life with other Christian guys whom I felt attracted to - I just move away from them, because I know that there can never be a happy outcome in my friendships with them, given my sexual orientation.

Very sorry to hear that your childhood trauma is still affecting you. Sometimes, these things can take a long time to heal.

And I can never understand why some parents can choose to ill-treat their children from young, and then still demand money, respect and filial piety when they are old and frail. 🤮

Please take care, and all the best to you!

[IkuTube]

11 hours ago, calvt said:

Thank you so much for your kind words! I’m so touched! I rather leave this story here as these are indeed words from my heart.

I also don’t want to be like a couple years ago when I did started a similar thread and had wanted to leave more of my story there, until some ang moh came and express his own opinions on MY life and that thread became a flaming one.

If you search my profile history you will see some of those earlier hurtful words from him. So sick of him really. 

I have also since discovered the wonderful option of ignoring that ang moh’s words now. 

I also like to express my appreciation to some of the kind DMs too from other fellow BW guys. Thank you for reading my story. My heart is full. ❤️ 

 

Dear @calvt, I respect your decision to leave the story here.

 

It is good that you have the wisdom to discover "the wonderful option of ignoring".  You are taking charge to accept life As-Is, without getting influenced by comments/opinions made upon you.  The truth about life is, we all have different perspective to life.  As humans, we need to learn and become aware that our perspectives are based on our own limited experiences albeit our intelligence tells us otherwise.

 

I always believe that I have no right to judge others for I have not walked their lives, for I have not gone through their pains.  To be human and a good human, we must learn to criticize on ourselves first before we freely judge others.

 

I love the way you treat your soul with "my heart is full".   Naturally, you have accepted your past to be your guiding light moving forward.  This, in itself, is a celebration and I believe you are walking ahead with a mindset that life is beautiful.

 

Thank you for sharing your story here, @calvt.

 

[IkuTube]

The Vacuum

 

To be in a vacuum can make one to feel empty.  It is an empty space where, most likely, emptiness occupies so much room.  When such a space is too large and not carefully occupied, the feeling of lost can become overwhelming.  Worse, the spirit and the physical body begin to separate and become disconnected.

In a vacuum, one may lose with almost every possible associations.  It is easy for the mind to get fried, the emotions to get drained and the spirit to lose the will to live.  Losing makes one to feel odd at sorts.

Life, in general, gives and it can also take away.  The lesson to learn is not to take things for granted, at all times.  One has to be mindful of what he has in hand.  He has to be grateful before these things are gone.  What he has today may change with a blink of an eye.  What he has lost will never be the same.  What is then occupied can be filled with the state of containing nothing.

An empty space can fill one with a sad feeling of emptiness.  It is a feeling where one may feel distraught of having no emotion or purpose.  It can weigh heavily on the spirit and the ways of life.

A vacuum is a space for contemplation.  While there can be serenity and tranquility in quietness, a prolonged state in a vacuum can cause social anxiety, emotional emptiness.  Human beings are designed to interact to evolve.  We are to learn with each waking hours to make things right to become better humans.

Everything in life offers insightful lessons.  Humans, in general, do not change but they learned.  It shall be in that senseful awareness that propels towards higher consciousness.  It shall be in its deep appreciation and realization where life evolves into something and from something.

While life keeps changing as change is constant, it is to be in a state of mindfulness that keeps life to be beautiful.  Everything that is meant to happen will happen.  Everything that is destined will eventually find its way.  Avoid struggling, avoid over thinking.  Desperation is an act that will not bring happiness.

It is how one accepts the outcomes that makes the difference.  Be it a fate or a destiny, or a belief or the free will to make the right choices, the course to shape life largely depends on one’s attitude.  There is, at all times, a two side to everything.  It depends on how the individual has lived from his past experiences, with his constant environment and his internalized observations.

Should this individual is to take it negatively, there shall be no progress.  Complaining does not make life better.  One cannot create a better future when he is not to leave the past behind.  He will never be able to heal when he keeps complaining and not taking charge of his responsibilities.

Should he is to take it positively, he fixes his life.  When one chooses joy, happiness and peace over the feelings of emptiness and nothingness, he gets to make things right.  He gets to do the right things by him and for him.  He becomes proactive with moving on to follow his light that is being shined upon.  He learns to feel enough and be willing to accept that there shall be a lot of good goodbyes.

Life, as is, is a vacuum in itself.  It is just the way of life has been.  Every human comes alone and will go home alone.  It is how every one of us fills it in that makes the difference.

 

 

 

[IkuTube]

Cut The Ties : The Letting Go

 

When a tie is cut, it is as good as letting things go.  While there could be an unsettling feeling, letting go should not be an act that is about anger.  It is not about hate.  It is not about being mad.  It is not a feeling of being annoyed.  Nor, it has to do with giving things up – be it with relationships and/or events.  Nor, it is about taking a bitter action of severing ties with the past.

 

Letting go can be easy to the mind when the good lesson is learned.  It makes the cut to be less painful.  Yet it is liberating should it be looked in the positive, bigger picture.  Letting go is a gift on awareness; it is wisdom in itself.  It is the willingness to surrender to become comfortable with not knowing what will come next.  

 

Not able to let go will not make us strong.  To live life not knowing when to let go is to live in the world of insecurities.  It is not necessary to make life happy but we should not make it sad either.  

 

The trick to live is to surrender.  It is where any problem ceases to exist.  We, as humans, either make ourselves miserable or we make ourselves happy.  The amount of work is the same.

 

When we are able to cut a tie with what is not working, it gives us to live with the now.  It makes us to be a ‘nowist’.  The past has passed.  As humans, when we open a door for ourselves, we open doors for others too.

 

Life, as is, is where nothing remains permanent except change.  Change is the only constant in life.  The faster we are to learn that – on realization - the more we are to become aware and life gets more tolerant, more forgiving and less judgemental.

 

There will be a stage in life when an act of letting things go is the best choice.  Often, life forgets when things are enough.  Often, life takes the worst pain to bring out the best change.  A future is best created when life starts to walk past the past.

 

It is said that when we are to choose peace, it comes with a lot of good-byes.  At times, a good-bye is a must. Peace can only live when what dies inside lives with the acceptance of its loss.  Happiness will not be achieved when we keep pretending we are not hurt, when we keep dismissing we are living in its constant pains.

 

Letting go comes with a birth of something new.  When something is cut, something new takes form.  All around life is with the blessing of love.  Nothing is lost even when a tie is cut.  Nothing takes life away with the act of letting go.

 

It is an act where we walk away with the lessons and taking the courage to face the gravity of the pain.  Letting go is about being in gratitude with the knowing, the knowledge, of what is not happening.  

 

It is embracing the inner feeling, be one with the soul, to shine light bright and brighter.  It is when all the old feelings and all the old thoughts are made to become aware where they are no longer serving and making things right, anymore.

 

Letting go is about coming home to the origin of why we are here.  It is where the soul has to take responsibility and to make things right.  Blaming anything and everything, other than oneself, will not fix for the right thing.  It will not fix one’s life.  The soul wants to be with peace, at all time.

 

Letting go and cutting ties do not mean to live with distances.  It is not about changing relationship with one another, or even with the minds.  It has nothing to do with disconnecting but it is about remembering that each one of us, and everything around us, has their own identities.

 

Such an action takes courage.  It requires strength, lots of it.  It is about taking the silent pills so that the soul can be quiet (alas!) and for it to grow to be what it is supposed to be.  It is for the soul to serve its true earthly purpose.  Such an act is far better than having the soul to get stuck in mindless everyday choices.

 

With letting go, we take the responsibility to cut the tie – be it mentally, emotionally, spiritually or physically.  Not being able to live in the present, not being able to let go, means that we cannot engage in what we are meant to do.
 

When the tie is released, life regains its own flow in its own way.  The soul can be aligned with its sacred rhythm.  It reclaims its true essence and to encounter its own authenticity.  This is the only way for life to fully live in the present and that we shall live to rectify the errors within.  

 

Letting go is letting God.  It is a beautiful act on surrender, on submitting to faith.  It is letting God to intervene to make things right - be it mentally, emotionally, spiritually or physically – so that the soul will rediscover the path and endeavours the purpose.

 

It is said, ‘one true friend is better than a thousand fake ones’.  It is better to be one with the soul than to disregard its existence.  It is better to be with love than to make war.  Being surrounded by the wrong things, all the time, is the loneliest thing to live by.

 

 

 

[IkuTube]

The Important Of Peace

 

Peace is something to live by and live on.  It is highly a valuable feeling where words are not good enough to describe.  It is far more than an emotional freedom and a stress free mental state occupying the empty spaces within our well being with the most extreme feeling of serenity and tranquillity.

 

As living humans, we need to want it just as much we need the water to survive and the air to live.  It is of paramount importance that changes everything on the path and journey on one’s life. 

 

When it is shrunk to a point where there is only peace, and just like that, the soul is liberated to do what it is supposed to be.  There will be harmony, trust and inclusiveness.  The soul gets to claim the purpose of purposes.  There will be calming balance, no matter how much hardships are thrown at us.

 

When we act from peace, we get to feel the river of love moving within us.  We maintain the connection with our higher state of being and, importantly, with divinity.  We learn to cherish what we do have while working towards what we want.

 

When there is peace, all we do will be from love.  The word ‘Love’ has the power to stand on its own.  It is more powerful when it is paired with ‘Peace’.  Why spend too much energy not with peace when we could use the very same energy doing more things we really want in life?

 

The feeling that comes with love-peace clangs inside us, within our souls, like a strong iron bell.  The feeling can be romantic, platonic, familial or fleeting.  It can be a feeling sullied by abuse, imbued with sorrow or twisted by betrayal.

 

Whatever the situation, let the feeling makes us brave.  Let the feeling makes us authentic.  Let it makes us to forgive ourselves so we can forgive others too.  Let it makes us to say ‘I love you’ naturally to the people we love, constantly.  Let us learn to say it, more often than not, when it matters the most.

 

How can you and I live to be with peace? 

 

You and I have to know the answer.  Knowing it is about wanting a good life, abundantly.  We have to let life be with more logical and rational sense while we are alive and not when we are dead.  Absence of an answer will beat us down.

 

Without an answer, we continue to carry on with so much collection of baggage emotionally, mentally and spiritually.  Not wanting to find the answer, we won’t get to win but lose the process in life. 

 

As life is about evolution, we need to know.  Failure is when we do not try to find it out.  However, do not ask too much why, too much what, too much how and the many where to find it.  Too much analysis, or over thinking, leads to paralysis.

 

Observation is far better than accumulating the intellectual know-how.  Fact is, our brain cannot cope with much and there is no limit to knowledge.  Instead, we need to optimize with what we already have.  There has to be a limit in searching for meaning, not by the numbers of books and/or articles we read, but by how much we learn from experiencing life. 

 

At some point in life, one has to stop the academic learning and ask oneself questions by not the quantity of his material researches but by how much he can experience.  We are not what we know intellectually.  There is no wisdom on intellect since life is wisely measured by the quality of experiences.

 

While we search for meaning, we should see and feel if it is coming.  We have to be truthful to ourselves.  Peace is self creation and not a gift others give, whatever that means.  It is our duty to seize it and how genuinely we feel connected with the inner self.  Do not abandon the inner child within us.

 

Life is fragile and simple.  What makes it complicated is with the way we think.  Peace calms our thinking mind and gives clarity to our emotional heart.  We, as humans, either make ourselves miserable or we make ourselves happy.  The amount of work is the same.  We ought to choose it wisely.

 

We need to learn to cherish what we do have while working towards what we want.  Question is, why are we not making it a daily priority to responsibly live with peace?  Why we are not working it out right to embrace peace for ourselves and for everything around us?

 

And, when there comes a moment where we feel peaceful, we say ‘Thank You’ out loud.  It is too easy not to make the effort.  It is in gratitude to voice out that peace prevails, even when it is fleeting.  To blame for it is not staying forever is to eat up all that is good about life.

 

 

 

[IkuTube]

Let's Forgive

 

Forgiveness has to be done from deep within, with heavy feelings of regret and remorse.  It is not an act to get away or to sweep things under the carpet.  It is always easy to say ‘I am sorry and please forgive me’.  However, these words mean nothing when they are not sincerely meant.

 

We have to be mindful on why we need to forgive.  Importantly, why is there a need to do it?  What is the purposeful purpose?  Can forgiveness erase the past, all the wrong deeds?  With forgiveness, will it make us a better person moving forward?

 

Let us forgive ourselves every day.  Let us forgive others every day.  Let forgiveness be a norm every day.  Let us forgive to become a better human.

 

Whether we are to forgive ourselves (and/or others), the mind needs to concede to the resolution.  The alignment is crucial to make things right.  The heart needs to internalize.  It must not be for the mind to take a stand to brush away on what was wrongfully schemed.  There should be repentance.

 

When we cannot forgive, we are literally living our lives with no vested interest in peace.  When there is hatred within us, we become our own prisoners.  When there is hatred for a group of people (whatever is the reason), it is as good that we hate humanity.

 

When we are to insult someone, it is as good that we are insulting his Creator.  When we call someone an idiot (as an example), are we calling his Creator an idiot too?  All of us come from a Source and to make bad judgement and reference, are we equating the source too?

 

Be kind to ourselves so we can be happy enough to be kind to the world.  Though people come and people go, we should live a life only to be filled with kindness and to cherish only the good memories.  These are simple tasks where we should, and must, do for our well being.

 

Failing them will affect our general health.  Dis-ease of any kinds will manifest with time.  There is always a consequence, a subtle effect, on all our actions to the well being of our body – emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically.  They are related, whether we like it or not and whether we know it or not.

 

With forgiveness, there will be paradigm shift.  Love, the verb, becomes active and alive.  There will be subtle outburst of unspoken freedom.  There will be a sense of being new, a feeling of an improved person, we shall be. 

 

With forgiveness, we get closer to completeness in life.  It is a virtue where we get to achieve deep satisfaction and get to be kind, in return, as a human.  When there is forgiveness, we put peace out in the world.  And, when we do that, we get peace back.

 

Forgiveness allows us to be more accepting.  It heals all wounds and amends all wrong doings.  It opens the doors to make things right.  Forgiveness has the ability to soften a person to become less reactive to situations.  It will turn the person to be more accepting on the shortcomings of others.

 

PS, do we ever get to know a human who is perfectly perfect?  We should not judge a person by his one flaw/fault.  It is good that we are to see a human in his/her totality.

 

Forgiveness is about renewal.  There is a deep spirituality element.  The brain chemistry, when we forgive, changes everything on the aspects of life – emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically. 

 

Forgiveness fixes the mess we create upon ourselves.  Instead of living in a cage of restlessness - from annoyance, disappointment to hatred, we should create wings to soar higher.  The question to ask, cage or wings? – we get to choose which one we prefer.

 

Our actions and reactions are our own doings.  Life is a story and we are the stories.  All humans are more the same than they are different.  All humans want the same things, almost, out of life.  The true tragedy on humankind is in our perception on our differences over our similarities.

 

Life fails because our biggest communication problem is we do not listen to understand.  Instead, we always hurried to listen to reply.  We do not know that we should constantly learn to forgive on every aspect of our lives.

 

To save humanity, we are to forgive to unite each other.  We are not here, on Earth, to divide people.  We are here to advocate compassion and empathy in our hearts.  A life without knowing how to forgive will suffer from the arthritis of sorrows.

 

Life is a lot more fragile than we think.  We should treat ourselves, and others, in a way that leaves us with no regrets.  The only regret we should have would be the things we say badly about them, or about ourselves.

 

How often should we ask for forgiveness?  There is no limit on how many times we may ask for forgiveness.  The more we are to do it, the more we get to become humble, to be sincere and to care on the meaning of life.

 

Forgiveness has to be given with joy and that joy is the reward.  The undertaking has to be our biggest commitment for it heightens our humans’ dignity. 

 

We (as an individual) are nobody but an instrument.  It is in our interactions with each other that uncovers our identity, our purpose and to give meaning to life.  Forgiveness erases the past and the future needs the better us.  When we are able to forgive, we are letting love to be just is.  Doing so, we are living in peace with ourselves.

 

 

[Guest Ryan]

Singapore schools should provide meals for primary students. 

 

1. Nutritional Benefits: Providing meals at school ensures that students receive balanced and nutritious meals, promoting their overall health and well-being. Proper nutrition is essential for children's physical and cognitive development, and a school meal program can help address any nutritional deficiencies.

 

2. Improved Academic Performance: Research consistently shows that adequate nutrition positively influences academic performance. By providing meals, schools can help students concentrate better, enhance their cognitive abilities, and improve their learning outcomes.

 

3. Equal Opportunities: Not all students have access to healthy and adequate meals at home. By providing meals at school, Singapore can bridge the socio-economic gap and ensure that every child, regardless of their background, has equal access to nutritious food.

 

4. Health Education: School meal programs can also incorporate educational components, teaching students about healthy eating habits, portion sizes, food choices, and the importance of a balanced diet. This knowledge can have a lasting impact on their lifelong eating habits and overall health.

 

5. Positive Peer Influence: Children often follow the behaviors of their peers. When meals are provided for all primary students, it creates an environment where healthy eating habits are encouraged and normalized. As students observe their friends eating vegetables and nutritious meals, they are more likely to adopt these habits themselves, leading to improved dietary choices and overall

 

6. Reduced Queues and Waiting Times: When all students are provided with meals, it reduces the queues and waiting times at canteen establishments during lunch breaks, ensuring that students have sufficient time to eat and engage in other activities, such as play or rest, within the school environment.

 

7. Government Support: The Singapore government can play a pivotal role in implementing a school meal program by subsidizing or providing meals at no extra cost to primary students. By making school meals accessible and affordable, it eases the financial burden on families and ensures that all children have access to nutritious meals, regardless of their socio-economic background.

 

In conclusion, providing meals for primary students in Singapore schools offers numerous benefits, including improved nutrition, enhanced academic performance, equal opportunities, time efficiency, health education, and socialization. Implementing such a program would contribute to the overall well-being and development of young students, creating a healthier and more inclusive learning environment.

[mate69]

Sometimes (much more often these days), I wonder if I had made a very grave mistake all those years ago.

Certainly, my life/I would be in a much, much better place now had I opened my eyes wide back then and sniffed out what I would be getting myself into, especially with those warning signs there.

Why didn't I listen to myself?

I wish it were all a nightmare and that I could simply wish things/people away but if only it were that easy

 

 

[IkuTube]

In The Little Things

 

Perfect joy is in the little things. 

 

Are we nourishing the little things in our lives?  Are we making the little things to spark joy?  Are we allowing them to spark the light and letting them, with gratitude, to burst with opportunities? 

 

Or, are we taking all the little things to be unimportant?  Are little things too insignificant and they don’t matter?  Are they too inconsequential and too trivial? 

 

It is often said we are not to be petty.  We are told not to fret over small stuffs.  We are frequently reminded to let go of things that are not important, in the grand scheme of life. 

 

Essentially, life is better when we do not let life forces to focus on things that do not hold significant importance.  It is good to take the best and trash the rest.  While there is meaning to everything, not all things are meant for immediate actions.  Do not count the chickens before they are hatched.

 

That said, does it make us, unconsciously, to be completely ignorant to appreciate in the little things.  Life revolves around the Law of Attractions and Vibrations.  Evolution makes us to change and change is constant.

 

Everything there is, here in life, works around this Law.  All actions and reactions start from upon a wish, a thought.  They are the smallest of seeds that have bigger domino effects.  These little things, these little moments, they are not little.

 

It is in the small piece of the puzzles that completed the bigger picture.  It is in the small thing that life grows. The act of a simple smile, a friendly ‘thank you’ or a gentle whisper ‘I love you’ makes a big difference.  Even a simple ‘I am sorry’ can heal the badly wounded heart. 

 

These simple acts spark joy which in turn cause further events.  The smell of the coffee or the feeling of a weekend morning sleep-in can evoke the greatest amount of joy from life.

 

When we are to meet a beautiful soul, we should feel blessed.  When we are to hear nice things, let they inspire us.  When we meet love and feel loved, let the spirit be uplifted.

 

When we are to face with a problem, turn the negative into positive.  When we are down, there are others who are worst.  When life gives us lemon, make lemonade.

 

Everything there is in life is written - the past, present and future.  No one bad is ever truly bad.  And, no one good is ever truly good.

 

Every cloud has a silver lining.  It is not about the precise number of ups and downs in life but rather how willing are we to navigate between them.  The biggest problem, in communication, is we do not listen to understand but we listen to reply.

 

When we pay attention to the little thing, we are to accept it unconditionally.  We accept to accept and we are not to accept to judge and make it complicated.

 

Life can be happier when we are doing things from the premise of ‘not knowing’.  Very often, our intellect minds cloud the way we think.  The intellect mind wants to uphold logic, analyzes the consequences that lead us to experience with perceived defeats.

 

Life is constantly adapting to our environment.  To live wisely, to have a good life, we have so much to learn if only we look at things around us.  There is always a bigger message in everything that is happening right in front of us.

 

Nothing is absolute.  It is important to let things happen and stay happened.  It is part of growth, of learning curve, of life.  When we allow things to happen, everything will make perfect sense someday ahead.  Eventually, without resistance, all things fall into place.

 

Everything is to happen for good reason.  We need to think positively to continue to survive.  We need to embrace faith.  We ought to flow, with lesser resistance, on the ways at how life is evolving. 

 

A change in our environment is telling us something.  How the wind blows tells a story.  A change in nature is a big sign revealing the state of our being.

 

We cannot become what we want by remaining where we are.  We cannot achieve what we want by giving excuses that we will not succeed.  We cannot progress when we fill our desires to live with too many what-ifs.  Desperation, pessimism and procrastination can be greatest enemies of life.

 

The more we are to make excuses, for the things that happen in life, the more it shows that we are not taking charge.  We must learn to take responsibility for our own choices and actions, for us learn nothing until we take ownership of our lives.   

 

To blame is easy.  When we shoot the blame, we feel we get to move on.  We feel that we are not going to be the target.  We feel free from being judged.

 

Blame is an excellent defence mechanism.  What one forgets, blame has detrimental effects on morale and performance.  Blame kills healthy accountable behaviours.  It leads to resentment, anger and hatred.

 

Blaming others will not fix our lives.  We blame others for our behaviours, our thoughts and our feelings that are negative.  Ironically, we do not blame people for the good things that happen in our lives!

 

Life, with all the little things, guides us to where we are meant to go, what we are meant to do.  The freest person in the world is the one who lives in all the little things with faith and without doubts.  He may question but he lives to strive on them.  The little things can take up the most room in our hearts.

 

In all the little things that we face every day shall lead us in the right direction.  We live through life only by these little things.  The gratitude to all these little things becomes the Wikipedia to guide us to be a good human.

 

 

 

[Guest Denny]

I recently resigned from my position at the company, having worked there for just about a month. The management style was akin to firefighting, consistently placing me on the front lines to address issues even though I was still getting acclimated. Despite being hired as an automation engineer with a focus on automation projects, my responsibilities shifted towards maintenance tasks, attending meetings, and documenting minutes for my superiors. I found myself constantly bombarded by my superior, customers, and production supervisors and line leaders whenever equipment breakdowns occurred – communication usually happened through WhatsApp or escalations to the next level.

The production staff was disrespectful and demanding, often using harsh language when equipment downtime exceeded their tolerance. In addition to addressing breakdowns, I was also involved in quality meetings to provide solutions for issues attributed to production. The pressure to deliver automation solutions and proposals was relentless. Furthermore, during bi-annual customer audits and various different kind audits like EHS, ISO,5S etc, I was tasked with preparing all records, ensuring timely updates and calibrations. If any equipment fell outside the specified tolerance range during customer inspections, I had to answer for it, often facing intense scrutiny and demands for corrective actions from my superior. As a newcomer, the weight of numerous responsibilities was overwhelming, and I often had to swallow my pride to navigate through these challenges.

 

The "Empress" in charge who supervises my boss exudes a regal demeanor and frequently scrutinizes my capabilities when I fall short of expectations. She is equally demanding and difficult to satisfy. Despite a lack of technical expertise, she views herself as exceptionally intelligent and seeks involvement in all aspects.

 

Unfortunately, her proposals and suggestions often exacerbate matters, and she excels in playing political games. There are instances where I feel like a fool after being questioned by her in front of customers, colleagues, and my immediate superior.

When she descends to the front lines, prompted by various reasons like customer complaints, VIP visits, or EHS safety patrols, she unleashes a barrage of comments and assigns additional tasks for me to handle or follow up on. Working with her is incredibly stressful, and expressing the truth becomes challenging, as it inevitably leads to more intense questioning.

 

Considering your options, you may want to explore opportunities with this company. In my experience, it has been the most challenging workplace I've ever been a part of.Prior to joining this company, I had heard about its extremely negative and toxic work environment. At the time, I was skeptical and didn't believe it.
Ultimately, I regretted investing my time in becoming part of this company.

[kinkienips]

When will I break free from this vicious cycle of feeling superior to those that we dislike and feeling inferior to those I admire?

[IkuTube]

We Cannot Give Life More Time

 

We cannot give life more time.   We cannot turn back the time.   Once we miss it, it is gone forever.  To live truly on the essence of time and giving life more life, we need to embrace the life that is ours and not of someone else’s.

 

Giving time more life involves making the most of the time we have. This should be the way we ought to live.  Should we are to love life, we should not waste time for time is what life is made up of.

 

We need to make the effort to live.  We need to prioritize activities that bring us joy and fulfillment.  We need to live life graciously – it is good should we are to live it honestly too.  We need to treasure the time that is in our hands.  We should and must not take life for granted.

 

We need to create quality time, as much we can.  We have to build good deeds and live by them.  It will do us good to be mindful and be present in the moment.  We have to find meaning in our activities, amicable in our communication and be truthful to ourselves.

 

We must not be late for any appointments.   It is basic life courtesy.   We need to think for those who made the time to be early.  We cannot be making excuses for our lateness.   When an excuse is made, it is as good that we are not taking responsibility.

 

When there is love, nothing is too much trouble and there will always be time.  When there is love, we make the time to be early.  When there is love, there is success.  When there is love, life rewards itself.

 

Life fails because we keep giving excuses.  When we create an excuse, we are not committed.  We are not making the effort to be in tandem with life, with time.  We have no respect on commitments, on responsibilities.

 

Efforts are always better than promises.  Money or material things will not matter.  But, the love, the time and the kindness we give others will shine and live forever.

 

We cannot give life more time.  While we are at it, we need to make full use.  We cannot become what we want by remaining where we are.  We have so much to learn if only we look around.  Everything around, even the smallest insignificant one, is teaching us how to live.

 

We fail and we feel lonely, without us knowing, because we build walls around us.  We separate ourselves from others thinking it makes us feel good, feel safe.  But, life requires us to build bridges.  Humans cannot survive – nor would they learn anything good and/or bad - without engagement and communication.

 

However, it is important that we live life not to impose our principles onto others!  Do not assume that we think we can know a person’s character after a few moments of observation.  To pass judgement on someone at a glance is like reading one page in an open book.

 

When we are doing that, the ego believes it is enough to confidently recite the story from beginning to end.  True, one page may tell us much but not nearly enough to accurately critique a book or evaluate a life.  We must learn to refrain from commenting on a tale we know nothing about.

 

We must be thankful for everything that happens in life.  Good things happen to those who do not stop believing.   Great things happen to those who do not stop trying.  The best thing happens when we have learned to be grateful.

 

We cannot give life more time.  We have to be ready to say goodbye to anything.  Some goodbye is a must and it has to happen.  We have to remember that everything happens, at least, for one good reason.  

 

Yes, sometimes we forget when it is enough.  Sadly, we cling on to things that are meant for us to let them go.

 

It is difficult for any good humans to think they do not owe anyone anything.  We do not have to be available to everyone.  Self love is, and always be, a prerequisite to every happy life.  The joy and peace in life will be when we learn not to take things personal.

 

We cannot give life more time.  We need to exit gracefully.  Sometimes, all we need is to stop to see the good in people but to start seeing what they show us.  At all times, one must not expect the same in return.

 

When we prioritize our peace, life will be fine.  If it is not, it is not the end.

 

A thoughtful thought is when we remember not everyone thinks the same.  We need to learn to recognize good critic even if it means to overcome our pride.  We need to open our minds beyond what is comfortable.

 

We cannot give life more time.  Everything is written – the past, the present and the future.  While the song may be the same, we live to redefine the lyrics.  We must learn to do the right thing at the right time and to make things good.

 

When we let go of our pride, we create happiness.  A stronger sense of happiness increases our well being.  It improves and enhances the ways of life not only emotionally and spiritually but physically and mentally too.

 

We cannot give life more time.  We are encouraged to give the time we have left more life.  Whenever we find ourselves doubting how far we can go, we ought to remember how far we have come.

 

We are to remember everything we have faced, all the battles we have won and all the fears we have overcome.  We changed because we have learned.  The change will be better when we keep learning and consciously learned.

 

Learn to approach ourselves with love.  Learn to provide ourselves with kindness.  Learn to give.  Learn to take.  They will be the key to living true to our true Self.  They will place us to be at the best place, at the best time and at the right time.

 

When we let go of our pride and value the time we have, we give ourselves the permission to be a good human.  We give ourselves the chance to face all the conflicts.  We give ourselves the chance to face ourselves.

 

Ultimately, we give ourselves the chance to heal.  As we heal, may the blessings be to give ourselves a chance to live a better life.  Love does not have to be perfect, it just has to be honest.

 

There is always a good thing to everything.  Life is simple, it is always beautiful.  We need to realize that no one bad is ever truly bad.  And, no one good is ever truly good.  Acceptance, without judgment, makes the difference.

 

We cannot give life more time.  Let’s become a friend to life and learn to understand its existence – lovingly, purposefully and meaningfully.  Time comes and it goes.  We must not let it passed with regrets but only a gift.

 

 

[IkuTube]

Just Do It

 

To change life, I need to change what is inside of me first.  It has to be beautiful for it to get reflected beautifully on the outside world.  When I work to make myself better, everything else will take care of itself.

 

To understand the future is a good thing.  To have goals in life is encouraged.  But, do I live looking at the future or do I live living in the past?

 

I will not know how to love should I do not know the feeling of love inside me.  I will not know how to sing a good song should I not know what a melody is.  I shall be a winner, in life, when I make the best of everything.

 

There is a difference between a good inside and a good outside.  Just as in the situation where some people talk to you on their free time or they take their free time to talk to you.

 

It is important to learn the difference.  It is important to know the difference.  When I can be critical on myself, I learn I am not perfect.  When I learn to know that I am not perfect, I will learn to accept others better.

 

Certainty is an assured confidence.  It is a feeling filled with courage and a conviction to act.  Not everything, in life, needs a reaction but certainty is a feeling of faith.  It is an act nudged by higher consciousness for things to get better.

 

However, I alone am responsible for what I do, or don't do, or how I respond to what is done to me.  To blame others for the consequences, if any, will not fix my life.  

 

Everything that I do, act and react has to come from the truth of my heart.  My actions and reactions must not be the fruits bearing from the ego of my tongue.  Dirty water does not kill the plants from growing but I must not let ego to kill humanity from progressing.

 

Life is like sitting on difficult exam.  It is testing us at all times.  Nonetheless, I must learn to enjoy and accept everything that is to happen.  I must not compare myself to others for everyone has different question paper.

 

No one knows the countless battles I fought alone to have so much trust in myself.  No one knows how many times I rebuilt myself from scratch to have the life I have today.

 

Life is beautiful when everything is done from the simplicity of the mind.  When I am to chase butterflies, they will fly away.  But, it is when I spend my time making a beautiful garden that the butterflies will come.

 

In life, everything is there for a reason.  In life, everything is to happen for good change.  I do not have to chase but to attract.  It is better to sit, observe and enjoy than to fret on all the small stuffs.

 

I must not live to change the world.  It is beyond me.  All that I need to do is to change myself.  Change what is inside me, change the way I think.  I have to change for myself.

 

For my own sanity, I have to let things be.  Life loves me more when I can learn not to control.  To control is an act to suffocate another.  What flows, flows.  What crashes, crashes.  It is perfectly okay with the fact that I am not for everyone.

 

To impose my thoughts and/or feelings on others is a cruel action.  It is disrespecting the divinity on their souls.  When I am minding myself and do my work truly and conscientiously, unknown connections will come and seek me.

 

I am the only person who can give myself what I want.  It is good where I can learn to enjoy everything that happens in my life.  It is good when I learn not to make my happiness or success dependent on an attachment to any person, place or thing.

 

It is good that I learn to say ‘No’.  There is power in it.  Saying ‘Yes’ just to please others can lead to bitterness.  There can be more problems in the long run.  It is better to be honest and say ‘No’ from the start.

 

Clarity to wisdom comes with time.  The more I spend on quality time, the more I learn to be better.   But I have to live not to procrastinate.  Just do it, so it says.  Time is precious - for in the blink of an eye, anything could all be taken away.

 

There is a witty punchline that goes, “Funny thing about getting older – Your eyesight starts getting weaker but your quality to see through people’s bullshit gets much better”.  Can this be true?

 

It is said, ‘No matter how educated, talented, rich or cool you believe you are, it is how you treat people ultimately tells all’.  Real happiness does not come from accomplishments.  It is always the result of cultivating a state of peace within the mind and body.

 

In reality, at all time of my life, I am enough.  That is all that I need to tell myself to remember.  Just do what I want to do.  Just do what I think I want to do.  But, it is important that I know that I should not cultivate a negative mind should I want a positive life.

 

Point is, God will show up right when I need Him.  A delay is not a denial.  God will make it happen at the right time.  But, before I ask God for anything, I must first thank Him for everything.

 

Only then, may the blessings be!

 

 

 

 

[Steve5380]

On 11/26/2023 at 7:17 AM, kinkienips said:

When will I break free from this vicious cycle of feeling superior to those that we dislike and feeling inferior to those I admire?

 

Could there be a common solution?   We can welcome the feeling of admiration for people who we think deserve it,  and then, no matter the admiration,  resist any inclination to feel inferior to them.  Everyone has the right to deserve admiration, something projecting towards them but without getting in return a feeling of inferiority.

 

Then, when we stop attributing our admiration for others to their "superiority",  we may realize that we have the right to dislike others without having to justify our dislike with some own "superiority".  Then we can, without this being an absurdity, strongly dislike persons we highly admire. 

 

We may live at a decent level,  but all the millions who live on the opposite side of the planet are...  are far, far "below" us. 

.

Edited February 18 by Steve5380

[Steve5380]

On 2/11/2024 at 5:38 AM, IkuTube said:

Just Do It

 

To change life, I need to change what is inside of me first.  It has to be beautiful for it to get reflected beautifully on the outside world.  When I work to make myself better, everything else will take care of itself.

 

To understand the future is a good thing.  To have goals in life is encouraged.  But, do I live looking at the future or do I live living in the past?

 

I will not know how to love should I do not know the feeling of love inside me.  I will not know how to sing a good song should I not know what a melody is.  I shall be a winner, in life, when I make the best of everything.

 

There is a difference between a good inside and a good outside.  Just as in the situation where some people talk to you on their free time or they take their free time to talk to you.

 

It is important to learn the difference.  It is important to know the difference.  When I can be critical on myself, I learn I am not perfect.  When I learn to know that I am not perfect, I will learn to accept others better.

 

Certainty is an assured confidence.  It is a feeling filled with courage and a conviction to act.  Not everything, in life, needs a reaction but certainty is a feeling of faith.  It is an act nudged by higher consciousness for things to get better.

 

However, I alone am responsible for what I do, or don't do, or how I respond to what is done to me.  To blame others for the consequences, if any, will not fix my life.  

 

Everything that I do, act and react has to come from the truth of my heart.  My actions and reactions must not be the fruits bearing from the ego of my tongue.  Dirty water does not kill the plants from growing but I must not let ego to kill humanity from progressing.

 

Life is like sitting on difficult exam.  It is testing us at all times.  Nonetheless, I must learn to enjoy and accept everything that is to happen.  I must not compare myself to others for everyone has different question paper.

 

No one knows the countless battles I fought alone to have so much trust in myself.  No one knows how many times I rebuilt myself from scratch to have the life I have today.

 

Life is beautiful when everything is done from the simplicity of the mind.  When I am to chase butterflies, they will fly away.  But, it is when I spend my time making a beautiful garden that the butterflies will come.

 

In life, everything is there for a reason.  In life, everything is to happen for good change.  I do not have to chase but to attract.  It is better to sit, observe and enjoy than to fret on all the small stuffs.

 

I must not live to change the world.  It is beyond me.  All that I need to do is to change myself.  Change what is inside me, change the way I think.  I have to change for myself.

 

For my own sanity, I have to let things be.  Life loves me more when I can learn not to control.  To control is an act to suffocate another.  What flows, flows.  What crashes, crashes.  It is perfectly okay with the fact that I am not for everyone.

 

To impose my thoughts and/or feelings on others is a cruel action.  It is disrespecting the divinity on their souls.  When I am minding myself and do my work truly and conscientiously, unknown connections will come and seek me.

 

I am the only person who can give myself what I want.  It is good where I can learn to enjoy everything that happens in my life.  It is good when I learn not to make my happiness or success dependent on an attachment to any person, place or thing.

 

It is good that I learn to say ‘No’.  There is power in it.  Saying ‘Yes’ just to please others can lead to bitterness.  There can be more problems in the long run.  It is better to be honest and say ‘No’ from the start.

 

Clarity to wisdom comes with time.  The more I spend on quality time, the more I learn to be better.   But I have to live not to procrastinate.  Just do it, so it says.  Time is precious - for in the blink of an eye, anything could all be taken away.

 

There is a witty punchline that goes, “Funny thing about getting older – Your eyesight starts getting weaker but your quality to see through people’s bullshit gets much better”.  Can this be true?

 

It is said, ‘No matter how educated, talented, rich or cool you believe you are, it is how you treat people ultimately tells all’.  Real happiness does not come from accomplishments.  It is always the result of cultivating a state of peace within the mind and body.

 

In reality, at all time of my life, I am enough.  That is all that I need to tell myself to remember.  Just do what I want to do.  Just do what I think I want to do.  But, it is important that I know that I should not cultivate a negative mind should I want a positive life.

 

Point is, God will show up right when I need Him.  A delay is not a denial.  God will make it happen at the right time.  But, before I ask God for anything, I must first thank Him for everything.

 

Only then, may the blessings be!

 

 

 

 

 

What is described in this post does not come gratuitously from nature.  It is mostly a result of maturity, best acquired through sincerely evaluated experiences. 

 

We can define for ourselves a specific lifespan.  Something reasonable.   For a newborn today, it could be 90 or 100 years.  For an old timer like me, I have found reasonable an 80 years of lifespan.  I have passed this threshold last year.   This means that being alive now means living in an "extra" or "premium" lifetime.  

 

In our extra, premium lifetime it is not difficult to become accepting and easy going, both In the good and in the bad.  There is no place for tragedies anymore.  Death, even a sudden one,  is not a tragedy but an event.

 

My experience makes me inclined to recommend without limitations the convenience to live a healthy life to reach one's expected self-defined lifespan in a positive way, in a life that is tolerable. We can then think of it as an irrevocable SUCCESS,  no matter what follows.  And this very realization is a ground for happiness.

.

Edited February 21 by Steve5380

[IkuTube]

Don’t Stop Learning

 

Every day is a good day for a good day.  Each day is a day where life strives to teach me with new things, new lessons.  I must have an open mind.  It is good to anticipate the good things.  Opportunities, as they come, do not just happen.  I have to take each day to create them.

 

Each day is teaching me how to live.  I have to teach myself to face it, with courage to begin and discipline to endure. I need to know what to choose between what I want and what I want most.  With such determination, victory becomes a matter of time.

 

It can be a busy, tiring day.  Or, it can be a happy, peaceful day.  Or, it is a sad, lonely day.  How the day goes by, with each day, is a gift.  It is how I perceive and live it.  Whatever I need to face, it is important to experience the day with positive mindset.

 

It will do me good should I wake up every morning with gentle reminder to myself.  I have to tell myself, and my Inner Child, that there is nothing wrong with us.  That, we have patterns to unlearn, new behaviours to embody and wounds to heal.

 

It must not be a ‘que sera sera’ attitude.  I have to take charge to make sure the day brings meaning to me.  True, we are advised to accept everything as it is.  What flows, flows.  What crashes, crashes.  What will be, will be.

There is huge difference, however, between doing something and thinking of doing something.  Doing that something is far more valuable than entertaining the thought of doing.  An hour of doing is far better than the ten hours of sitting down thinking.

It is wise not to cheapen words as action speaks louder.  It is a survival duty to take on the responsibility of creating a life that fosters growth and development.  When I act on my words, they feel valued and appreciated.

 

Overthinking is the biggest waste of human energy.  There is no such thing as perfect.  Is there ever a perfect thing?  I must avoid thinking of ways into perfection.  What I need to do is, simply, to take action.

 

Look within and I shall find myself.  Look back and I will gain experience.  Look forward and I will be greeted with hope.  Look around and I find reality.

 

Am I an eager student of Life?  Do I want to improve its quality?  What is knowledge to me?  Is it important to be an intellect?  How do I use knowledge or intellect to make the difference?

 

Rumi says ‘It is your road and yours alone.  Others may walk it with you but no one can walk it for you’.  I love this quote.  It connects well with my philosophy – ‘I come alone and I shall go home alone’.  Everything in between is my responsibility, between me and God but mine alone.

 

Should I internalize and take the quote seriously, then a good life lesson – where I can learn and take it to heart – will make me to walk my life wisely.  As I walk, I have to make the conscious effort to be happy, to be in the arms of joy and to be surrounded with peace all around.

 

Life, after all, is about creating who I am supposed to be.  Ah, but what is the primary purpose of life?  What is my thought on that?  Is it important that I know it?

 

Spiritually, the purpose of human life varies depending on each of our beliefs and philosophies.  It is said that the purpose of human life is to seek enlightenment, cultivate compassion and live in harmony with others and the world around.

You and I would probably have different take on it.  There is no wrong; there is no right.  What shall be wrong is the judgement we make against each other.  What shall be right is the peace that consolidates us all together.

 

It is said that the reason we are here (on Mother Earth) is to live, adapt, learn and grow.  A purpose of life is to continue to evolve.  Albeit what it is, I need to be here to be a good human to serve God in the name of humanity.  Ultimately, it is about my deeds, all my doings (through the ways I act, feel and think) to measure the end result.

 

But, before I could create myself, I need to find me.  I need to know what makes me happy.  I need to know what can and will motivate me to be different.  I need to know where I am going to.  Do I have good goals to look forward to?  Am I more than what I think I am?

 

Just to pray is not enough.  Prayers are good – they put us closer with God, but they require us to act upon them too.  I need to allow the divinity in prayers not to be an inert energy but to turn them into robust actions.

 

Dale Carnegie said ‘One of the tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living’.  It is good to ask myself good questions.  But, I should not be asking too much to stop me from having the joy to live.
 
Questions are good but they have to be realistic.  Questions are to make me think and not presented to be argued.  Questions should not stress me.  To become too intellectual is to feed my ego.
 
When I cannot find peace, it is because I am the one causing the problem.  I should ask myself ‘Why when there is problem, I am always there?’   Surely, I have a hand in it.  However, whatever that is happening around me, I should not take it personally.  Nothing others do is because of me.  It is because of their experiences before them.

 

One man’s meat is another man’s poison.  Whatever happens around me is the result of my choice.  I must never stop learning because life never stops teaching.  Knowledge will raise the consciousness but I have to be humble at all times.

 

There is a saying that goes, ‘No matter how big your house is, how recent your car is, how big your bank account is, our graves will be the same size’.  That goes with our life experiences too.  At the end of the day, we are still called ‘human’.

 

I am planting seed each day.  Gradually, this seed will grow into a bud.  Slowly and surely, it unfolds the petals.  Just like the seed, I need to learn to wait patiently for something inside me to open up.  Each day is a leap and I need to learn to take one step at a time.

 

All that I ought to do is to focus on what I can control and try to make peace with the rest.  When I am no longer able to change a situation, I am challenged to change myself.

 

 

[Steve5380]

3 hours ago, IkuTube said:

Don’t Stop Learning

 

Every day is a good day for a good day.  Each day is a day where life strives to teach me with new things, new lessons.  I must have an open mind.  It is good to anticipate the good things.  Opportunities, as they come, do not just happen.  I have to take each day to create them.

 

Each day is teaching me how to live.  I have to teach myself to face it, with courage to begin and discipline to endure. I need to know what to choose between what I want and what I want most.  With such determination, victory becomes a matter of time.

 

It can be a busy, tiring day.  Or, it can be a happy, peaceful day.  Or, it is a sad, lonely day.  How the day goes by, with each day, is a gift.  It is how I perceive and live it.  Whatever I need to face, it is important to experience the day with positive mindset.

 

It will do me good should I wake up every morning with gentle reminder to myself.  I have to tell myself, and my Inner Child, that there is nothing wrong with us.  That, we have patterns to unlearn, new behaviours to embody and wounds to heal.

 

It must not be a ‘que sera sera’ attitude.  I have to take charge to make sure the day brings meaning to me.  True, we are advised to accept everything as it is.  What flows, flows.  What crashes, crashes.  What will be, will be.

There is huge difference, however, between doing something and thinking of doing something.  Doing that something is far more valuable than entertaining the thought of doing.  An hour of doing is far better than the ten hours of sitting down thinking.

It is wise not to cheapen words as action speaks louder.  It is a survival duty to take on the responsibility of creating a life that fosters growth and development.  When I act on my words, they feel valued and appreciated.

 

Overthinking is the biggest waste of human energy.  There is no such thing as perfect.  Is there ever a perfect thing?  I must avoid thinking of ways into perfection.  What I need to do is, simply, to take action.

 

Look within and I shall find myself.  Look back and I will gain experience.  Look forward and I will be greeted with hope.  Look around and I find reality.

 

Am I an eager student of Life?  Do I want to improve its quality?  What is knowledge to me?  Is it important to be an intellect?  How do I use knowledge or intellect to make the difference?

 

Rumi says ‘It is your road and yours alone.  Others may walk it with you but no one can walk it for you’.  I love this quote.  It connects well with my philosophy – ‘I come alone and I shall go home alone’.  Everything in between is my responsibility, between me and God but mine alone.

 

Should I internalize and take the quote seriously, then a good life lesson – where I can learn and take it to heart – will make me to walk my life wisely.  As I walk, I have to make the conscious effort to be happy, to be in the arms of joy and to be surrounded with peace all around.

 

Life, after all, is about creating who I am supposed to be.  Ah, but what is the primary purpose of life?  What is my thought on that?  Is it important that I know it?

 

Spiritually, the purpose of human life varies depending on each of our beliefs and philosophies.  It is said that the purpose of human life is to seek enlightenment, cultivate compassion and live in harmony with others and the world around.

You and I would probably have different take on it.  There is no wrong; there is no right.  What shall be wrong is the judgement we make against each other.  What shall be right is the peace that consolidates us all together.

 

It is said that the reason we are here (on Mother Earth) is to live, adapt, learn and grow.  A purpose of life is to continue to evolve.  Albeit what it is, I need to be here to be a good human to serve God in the name of humanity.  Ultimately, it is about my deeds, all my doings (through the ways I act, feel and think) to measure the end result.

 

But, before I could create myself, I need to find me.  I need to know what makes me happy.  I need to know what can and will motivate me to be different.  I need to know where I am going to.  Do I have good goals to look forward to?  Am I more than what I think I am?

 

Just to pray is not enough.  Prayers are good – they put us closer with God, but they require us to act upon them too.  I need to allow the divinity in prayers not to be an inert energy but to turn them into robust actions.

 

Dale Carnegie said ‘One of the tragic things I know about human nature is that all of us tend to put off living’.  It is good to ask myself good questions.  But, I should not be asking too much to stop me from having the joy to live.
 
Questions are good but they have to be realistic.  Questions are to make me think and not presented to be argued.  Questions should not stress me.  To become too intellectual is to feed my ego.
 
When I cannot find peace, it is because I am the one causing the problem.  I should ask myself ‘Why when there is problem, I am always there?’   Surely, I have a hand in it.  However, whatever that is happening around me, I should not take it personally.  Nothing others do is because of me.  It is because of their experiences before them.

 

One man’s meat is another man’s poison.  Whatever happens around me is the result of my choice.  I must never stop learning because life never stops teaching.  Knowledge will raise the consciousness but I have to be humble at all times.

 

There is a saying that goes, ‘No matter how big your house is, how recent your car is, how big your bank account is, our graves will be the same size’.  That goes with our life experiences too.  At the end of the day, we are still called ‘human’.

 

I am planting seed each day.  Gradually, this seed will grow into a bud.  Slowly and surely, it unfolds the petals.  Just like the seed, I need to learn to wait patiently for something inside me to open up.  Each day is a leap and I need to learn to take one step at a time.

 

All that I ought to do is to focus on what I can control and try to make peace with the rest.  When I am no longer able to change a situation, I am challenged to change myself.

 

 

 

I like to second your philosophy.   And the fact that we recognize "the child in us".  This child never needs to leave.

 

It is not true that we necessarily "grow old".   The reality is that we advance in age until a time comes when our life ends. It can be a continuum where the interest in learning never ends, and a future is always in front of us.

 

Now ending my first year into the eighties, I notice this continuum.  Regardless of having passed my "80" goal of lifespan, life continues without change. I am healthier and wiser every day, such a great feeling...!  Being retired provides a good opportunity to keep learning.  One of our most important issues becomes our health,  and what we can learn about improving our health is nearly limitless.  Thanks to the Internet and YouTube in particular,  it is easy for us to stay informed of the latest in the fields of nutrition, exercise, spirituality.  With the experience we have acquired in a long life, we are able to recognize what has value and separate it from the worthless, the nonsense.  Then,  "the latest" is always ahead of the "traditional",  like the case of traditional medicine,  and we can benefit from our learning.    

 

Hopefully the younger members of our community have an open mind about the ideas of the more senior,  and trust and take into account our experiences.  Then, our own great benefits from an advancing age are passed on to others, a justification for making our ideas public.

 

 

[IkuTube]

It was penned by one US President that ‘all men are created equal’.

 

I do not have the wisdom to elaborate on it but that phrase, in itself, holds dear in my heart.  It makes sense to me.  It gives me the insight on how to live my life.  It gives me the assurance to hold sanity to my mind and soul.

 

My success and my failure, in life, are my doing.  I have to take full responsibility and no one is to blame.  Blaming others for my mistakes only reflects on my shortcomings, my bad as a human.  It shows my inability to take charge on all my actions.  It reveals my poor, flimsy attitude and negative character.

 

Should I succeed, or I fail, is because I am allowing it to happen.  It happens because I lose the sight that all Man is equal, that each human is born with equal potentials, with a pure soul.  In any of our imperfections, we are created equal.  When I acknowledge it, I will live a gracious life.  With such acceptance, I become socially aware and I will have positive impact upon myself.

 

Should I fail, it is because I do not take my actions seriously.  It is my doing where I am taking all responsibilities towards my life too lightly.  I do not have strong conviction and commitment to carry out the tasks.  I do not have focused goals nor do I know what I want in life.  Plainly, I do not put value on life.

 

Should I succeed, I recognize the desire to set my life right.  I give myself the most beautiful gift where I treasure the times of my life.  Where every moments count.  Where every single opportunity created is to benefit my growth.  Where I recognize when nobody is helping me, I have to do it alone.  Realistically, I put value on my life.

 

Certain situations must happen so that the true intentions can be shown.  It is how life, in general, works.  When I am cutting people from my life, for example, it does not mean that I dislike them.  It simply means I want to love myself more.  It is okay to miss people but I must not ever forget why I distanced myself.

 

When I am not participating in any social events, it does not mean that I hate them.  Again, it simply means I want to love myself more.  Sometimes life does not give me what I want, not because I do not deserve it but because I deserve so much more.  The more I get to love myself, the kinder I will be in life.

 

I have to learn to cultivate values for myself.  It is a way to be in love with the Self.  It is okay to make a decision that will hurt my heart but it helps to heal my soul, in return.  What is important is where I let kindness and compassion be the guiding forces to shape the quality on my life.

 

It is wise should I accept myself, love myself and keep moving forward.  Should I want to fly, I have to give up what weighs me down.  It is wise that I see the wrong in me first before I see the wrong in others.  I have to take care of my thoughts when I am alone.  I have to take care of my words when I am with people.

 

I have to value the Self in order for Life to protect me.  I am better off changing my mind than hoping something will eventually happen.  I am better off starting over than continuing something that no longer serves me.

 

Life does not allow me to go back and fix what I have done wrong in the past.  Instead, it does allow me to live each day better than my last.  It is a choice I have to make to add value.  Constantly, I have to ask myself, ‘what do I need most in my life right now?’.

 

However, it is crucial that I remind myself not to be my own competitor.  It is not about me trying to prove me and downplay my past.  All that I need to do, to add value to the Self, is to learn to improve.  I have to know that the Self is born with joy built in.  The Self came into the world with light and the soul saw me as perfect.

 

I must learn to speak in such a way that others love to listen to me.  I must learn to choose my words carefully.  I must learn to listen in such a way that others love to speak to me.  Life is like a boomerang and I need to know that people will treat me exactly how I feel about them.

 

I cannot always have a good day.  It is against the law of duality.  But, I can always face a bad day with a good attitude.  I must not be the person who has a lot to say about life but be that someone who has never lived it.

 

All Man is created equal.  All Man is mirror to each other.  What I send out, it comes back to me.  What I sow, it reaps.  What I give, I get.  What I see in others, exists in me too.  It is said there is no body out there.

 

The difference is my creed.  The difference is the way I assume my role as a human being.  The difference is the way I think.  I do not want to get to the end of my life and find that I have just lived the length of it.  I want to have lived the width of it as well.

 

I have to learn not to be afraid to lose people but to be more afraid of losing myself trying to please everyone around me.  Should I do that, I have not learned to value myself.  Everything in my life is a reflection of a choice I once made.  Should I want different results, I have to make different choices.

 

Loving the Self is the biggest value I can give to myself.  Life is too huge and I cannot control everything that happens to me.  However, I can control how I respond.  Should I do not value the Self, feel blessed and get inspired, I am not living a life.

 

Instead, I live a life of a prisoner where I am not ready to make things right.  I am not ready to value the Self.  Is this what I want for the Self?  I should not, strictly, be chasing pleasure.  To be human, I have to chase purpose too.

 

Tony Robbins, an American author, coach and motivational speaker once said ‘No matter how many mistakes you make or how slow you progress, you are still way ahead of everyone who isn’t trying’.  The one that is trying is the one that has learned to value the Self, the Soul.

 

 

[Steve5380]

We can comprehend the idea that all men we are created equal.  This simple expression hides a vast complexity.  At first view we can understand it as we all are being created with equal rights.  Although there is no element in Nature that is "rights". But it is sufficient to take this idea as a Moral Rule of Conduct towards fellow humans.

 

As our morality evolves, we can extend this idea to all living beings.  We may be the most evolved animals, but other animals also have feelings, of pain, happiness,  emotional feelings, exactly like we have.  As our natural ignorance is helped by more science, we also recognize that plants, also living creatures, are not totally dumb but may have some emerging "intelligence",  like communications between individual trees in a forest.  And here we see a characteristic, a fundamental necessity in the animal kingdom:   the most evolved animals feed on the death of lower evolved, more simple ones, starting with the living plants that are the start of the food pyramid. 

 

Living creatures have to die to support more complex living creatures.  There is no way around this.  We cannot exist without the death of other living creatures.   This can cause in us moral conflicts over consumption of animal foods, and lead to an attempt to be vegan and only eat vegetables.  But...  aren't vegetables also living creatures?  We cannot exist ingesting only inert matter, even with nature's many elements and its combinations.  This fact runs contrary to the idea of "equal rights".

 

Beyond the natural, humanity entertains speculations about the "supernatural", and this is the basis of all the religions and also some of philosophy.  And so I am inclined to make a supernatural speculation:

 

If our life requires the support, the nutrition from the deaths of other living creatures, what if...  if OUR deaths are needed for the nutrition of higher-grade living creatures?  Of a grade, a nature that is so different from ours that we don't see them, that we cannot perceive them,  that must exist in a dimension out of our reach,  a "supernatural".    This speculation has some basis of reality,  because such living creatures exist:  they are our GODS ( or our GOD in monotheism ).  

 

Our GOD or GODS exist in a supernatural that is inaccessible to us,  and they are beings that need us humans... humans to be born and to die... FOR THE GODS TO EXIST!  This is an undisputable FACT.  They need us humans...   because we are the ones WHO INVENT THEM. 

. 

Edited March 24 by Steve5380

[Guest Valak]

3 hours ago, Steve5380 said:

We can comprehend the idea that all men we are created equal.  This simple expression hides a vast complexity.  At first view we can understand it as we all are being created with equal rights.  Although there is no element in Nature that is "rights". But it is sufficient to take this idea as a Moral Rule of Conduct towards fellow humans.

 

As our morality evolves, we can extend this idea to all living beings.  We may be the most evolved animals, but other animals also have feelings, of pain, happiness,  emotional feelings, exactly like we have.  As our natural ignorance is helped by more science, we also recognize that plants, also living creatures, are not totally dumb but may have some emerging "intelligence",  like communications between individual trees in a forest.  And here we see a characteristic, a fundamental necessity in the animal kingdom:   the most evolved animals feed on the death of lower evolved, more simple ones, starting with the living plants that are the start of the food pyramid. 

 

Living creatures have to die to support more complex living creatures.  There is no way around this.  We cannot exit without the death of other living creatures.   This can cause in us moral conflicts over consumption of animal foods, and lead to an attempt to be vegan and only eat vegetables.  But...  aren't vegetables also living creatures?  We cannot exist ingesting only inert matter, even with nature's many elements and its combinations.  This fact runs contrary to the idea of "equal rights".

 

Beyond the natural, humanity entertains speculations about the "supernatural", and this is the basis of all the religions and also some of philosophy.  And so I am inclined to make a supernatural speculation:

 

If our life requires the support, the nutrition from the deaths of other living creatures, what if...  if OUR deaths is needed for the nutrition of higher-grade living creatures?  Of a grade, a nature that is so different from ours that we don't see them, that we cannot perceive them,  that must exist in a dimension out of our reach,  a "supernatural".    This speculation has some basis of reality,  because such living creatures exist:  they are our GODS ( or our GOD in monotheism ).  

 

Our GOD or GODS exist in a supernatural that is inaccessible to us,  and they are beings that need us humans... humans to be born and to die... FOR THE GODS TO EXIST!  This is an undisputable FACT.  They need us humans...   because we are the ones WHO INVENT THEM.  

Peace be with you.

Sometimes the hardest battles only exists within ourselves, our mind fighting amongst the demons of thought within our own head.

Have a Awesome day ❣️

[Steve5380]

2 hours ago, Guest Valak said:

Peace be with you.

Sometimes the hardest battles only exists within ourselves, our mind fighting amongst the demons of thought within our own head.

Have a Awesome day ❣️

 

Thank you Guest Valak.

 

Indeed we can fight battles within ourselves, fighting against the demons of thought within our own head.  But a time may come when we are sufficiently senior,  that our mind lets go of demons and the fighting within our heads become more like conversations, at most discussions,  because we are at peace with our ideas and we accept the good and the bad as realities subjected to judgments.  And judgments are not much more than judgments, while realities are what we humbly accept.

 

[IkuTube]

Life.

 

What do I think of it?  What do I want out of it?  How do I want to live it?  What motivates me to live?  What truly drives me to succeed?

 

Without knowing what life is and how I want it to be, life gets stagnant.  Worse, everything I do will be circle in the sand that goes round and round.  I am not allowing the light inside me to become brighter.  It is a disservice should I not let Life to grow to its full potential.

 

My light has to guide me.  My intuition should be the legs to walk me.  My gratitude will be the golden key that opens all opportunities.  I have to take awareness seriously.  It is to realize on the consciousness towards my existence leading to a man’s search for meaning.

 

Every day, I am faced with the never ending battle between what I feel and what I know.  There is a persistent stubborn voice of reason trying to fix what is not meant to be.  There is constant struggle against a heart that won’t let go.

 

When I keep thinking I already know and I feel that I am continually right, I will learn nothing in life.  It is this mindset that dooms me to failure.  This is where, unconsciously, I am letting life to go round and round in circle.

 

At the end of the day, I will try to sleep and shut it off.  I want a good quality sleep because physically, mentally and emotionally I am tired.  Little that I realize that sleep, even when it feels good, does not help me.  It is my soul that is tired.

 

When I put my soul first as priority, everything changes.

 

Often, I am reminded that life is beautifully simple.  It is the way I think – how my mind functions - that makes Life hard.  It is the way I destructively expose myself with the outside world that stops peace from coming into me.

 

I have been asked, ‘have you noticed how peaceful your life has been since you stopped dealing with certain individuals’?

 

Such a question should reveal the state of my being.  It is to remind me the weight that puts me down and what stops me from living.  Through all the years, I have been told that I changed a lot.  Truth is, experiences shaped me where I shall say that a lot changed me.

 

Life becomes more meaningful when I can realize the simple fact that I will never get the same moment twice.  I have to treasure what I have.  I need to enjoy what is in my hands.  Once they slipped through my fingers, I will lose them forever.  When I recognize their importance that everything changes.

 

I should not allow my mind gets in the way of seeing things as they truly are.  It is important that I see the good in everything in order for me to be happy with life.  Should I am constantly doubting, I will never be happy with the little things.

 

It is the little thing that matters the most.  It is from the little thing that life grows.  It is the little thing that slowly unfolds itself.  It is the little thing that is actually creating the big world.  In the bigger picture, these little things are not little at all.

 

Life needs me to be patient.  It is a journey, not a competition.  I need to know - sometimes I have to go through the worst to get to the best.  It is in knowing that I become free.  I need to have faith that everything comes to me in the right moment.

 

I have to know that I cannot fix what is not meant to be.  I have to learn about my limitation to let go.  Not everything is related to me and I am too tiny for the bigger equation.  What is meant for me can never pass me by.  I have to trust the process.

 

In that process, I need to accompany it with joy.  I should not let myself to feel bad about my mistakes.  Everyone has a chapter and everyone has a story.  Worrying does not take away tomorrow’s trouble.  When I focus on today, I grow.  When I live in my past, I am back to the sand in the circle.

 

Yes, I have to learn to be a good person.  But, I do not have to waste time to prove it.  A good person learns not to interfere with anything outside of him but to let divinity do its work.  When I practice my religious views on myself, it is called faith.  But, when I practice my religious views on others, it is called oppression.

 

In life, each stage brings its own set of experiences and lessons to learn.  In life, I should not be judging others.  Each soul has its own divine intelligence.  Each soul has its godly purity and innocence.  Each soul has his/her free will.

 

Some things just need to be left alone.  It will do me good should I attract only what I want by being what I want.  I have to love people in my life even with those who dislike me.  Holding on to indifference only hurts me, not them.  It will be the most hated person who will be my best teacher.

 

Whatever light I have, my shadow reflects it too.  Here is the hard truth – I cannot change things by loving them harder.  When I am rejected, accept.  When I am unloved, let go.   I should not stress myself too much because no matter how bad the situation is, it will change.

 

Yes, I need to create the time to appreciate the things in my life.  Nothing will work unless I do.  To appreciate is an inside job.  It gives power when I appreciate where I am now in my journey and how far I have come.

 

Gratitude only attracts more blessings.  I am not rich by what I possess but by what I can do without.  I must not get myself stuck with old thoughts, with stagnation.  When I keep pushing myself, someday everything will make perfect sense.

 

I have to live in my presence.  I need to learn to be present and enjoy all moments.  I have to give myself enough respect to walk away from anything that does not serve my higher purpose.  I am a writer of my own story.  I should not worry about other people’s opinions of me.  I am born not to impress them and that is not why I am here.

 

So for now, I need to laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears and keep reminding myself that everything happens for a reason.  I should not skip the struggle for that is where character is built.  The act of over thinking steals peace away.  It destroys joy and happiness.

 

I need to clean and erase the past.  True happiness is to enjoy the present.  True peace is to live life without anxiety.  What I feed my mind today becomes my future.  I need to train my mind to be calm in every situation.  Do not trouble troubles unless troubles trouble me.

 

Not to be the sand that keeps circling back, I have to live my life wisely and fruitfully.  I should not waste time thinking about what I could have done differently.  Instead, I should keep my eyes on the road ahead and just do it differently now.

 

I need to learn to select my thoughts just the same way I select my clothes every day.  When I want to take charge in my life, I have to work on the mind.  Just as I care for my body, nurturing my mind is essential for overall well being.

 

I am the only person responsible for my life, my happiness and my peace.  No one else can make me feel fulfilled.  I am always responsible for how I choose to act.  Facing my fears is necessary for my growth.  The more I avoid my fears, the more I am stuck with the circle in the sand.

 

The greatest act of self love is to no longer allowing myself lying on the sand.  I have to wash it away.  I am not my past.  I am the sum of my choices and actions in the present moment.  No matter what knocks me down in life, I have to get back up and keep going.

 

After all, the most important task to keep me away from circling back is to keep cleaning and erasing.  Great blessings are a result of great perseverance.  I will not be a light by imagining figures of light but by entering the darkness where it begins.

 

When I am free from the circle, I shall become the person I should have been a long time ago.  I should have been the free soul who is living in abundance every single day.  I am not the person who fakes with ‘I am okay’ but I am truly okay.  I am the confident person who eats alone in crowded hawker center, food court or in a restaurant.

 

Life is not only about fixing anything that is broken.  It is about remembering the wholeness that has always been inside of me.  I have to know what kind of life I really want and then learn to say no to everything that is not.  I have to be done circling back round and round in life.

 

 

[shyc]

We are all an unfinished book. Each with our unique storylines. Happy moments, sad moments, moments only we know and treasure within ourselves. Occasionally we shared our stories; be it to glorify our existence or hammer in the pain that was long gone but never forgotten. Whether it’s a bestseller or long forgotten, special in its own way. Writing out the final chapters. Not getting easier with experiences or any wiser, nevertheless the book have to end… somehow or others.

[Steve5380]

17 hours ago, IkuTube said:

Life.

 

What do I think of it?  What do I want out of it?  How do I want to live it?  What motivates me to live?  What truly drives me to succeed?

 

Without knowing what life is and how I want it to be, life gets stagnant.  Worse, everything I do will be circle in the sand that goes round and round.  I am not allowing the light inside me to become brighter.  It is a disservice should I not let Life to grow to its full potential.

 

 

It is not clear if we humans have the ability to know what our life is.  We cannot even observe ourselves from the outside. Yet there is no limit in the thinking of what we want it to be.  It is not very realistic to wish what should be that what we cannot know.  But we can attempt to do all this,  after all there are plenty of philosophies around.

 

We could simply find that our life is our state of being conscious as time passes by.  And not dig too much deeper.

 

Without knowing what life is,  we can do some introspection to set goals and make plans.  If we are fortunate to have a good moral basis, we can strive to live in a way that is as righteous as possible. 

 

And we should learn as much as possible throughout life, and experience is of the highest value to provide guide in our life. But still, our life, our destiny is not fully in our hands.

 

One of the benefits of being a senior is a possible reduction in the struggles of life. We have learned to accept, to open our mind to understanding, and to rest IMPORTANCE to our life without losing respect for it.  The result is peace and hopefully happiness. 

.

Edited March 10 by Steve5380

[IkuTube]

Stop Complaining

 

Should I am a good person, why is my life not perfect all the time?  Why am I not feeling peaceful indefinitely?  Why can’t I be happy constantly?  Why are there continuous recurring hiccups along the way?  What made these feelings fleeting?

 

Getting old is one thing.  To get sick and weak, as age progresses, is natural.  But, while I am still not old old, why am I not having a steady balanced good health?  Why are my body and my health kept failing me?

 

Have I pondered much about these questions?  Or, do I live in denial and insisted that I live with the good vibes the entire time?  Have I not wondered on my unpredictable fluctuating inner wealth?  Am I too arrogant to shrug off any indicative problematic signs on my belief system?  Does not my bad health or my anxiety teach me the life lesson?

 

Who is right?  What is right?  

Who is wrong?  What is wrong?

 

So, here is my cry for help :

 

Should there be a human out there, who gossips about me and totally free of life problems, please pray for me.  I want to be perfect like you.  I want to be healthy like you.  I want to be constantly peaceful like you.  Please, let me share your good fortunes.

 

So, here is a note to myself :

 

It will do me good when I can live without making a single complaint every day.  It will discipline me should I not judge another on any single day.  It will benefit me to focus on being a good human and instill to learn the good values.

 

It will give me a much peaceful life when I direct my anger towards my problems and not on others.  It will give me peace of mind when I strictly focus to find the right way to live and not dwell on excuses.  I have to take full responsibility and stop blaming anyone and anything when things are not going my way.

 

When I complain too much, I am judging.  I am refusing to see my own flaws.  In doing so, I am not acknowledging my mistakes, not admitting my weaknesses and, foolishly, subscribe to my idiosyncrasy.

 

It is always easy to fault others.  It is catastrophic should I not accept human as human.  It is ironical - somewhat pathetic - that I can think I am right when I am also wrong.  It is my arrogance for always wanting to have the last word.  Being trapped in my own negative mind is a war.

 

I forget when one finger is pointing out, there are three fingers pointing back at myself.  I forget, in doing so, I nurture hypocrisy and self righteousness.  When I point a finger of accusation, or criticism, the feeling of condemnation within me is three times more than what I am leveling at others.

 

To be human, I have to be more human.  When I am always complaining, I lack the understanding towards life.  I do not have empathy and I live in a corrupted dark energy.  I fail to embrace that life has never been, and is never, perfect.  Perfection is in the unconditional; it is absolute and not subject to any special terms.

 

All humans have their own stories.  Literally, everyone is going through some sort of struggles.  It is important that I recognize it.  When I understand that that I learn to accept on the difference ways at how each individual lives.  Life has no expectations except the ones I make.

 

There is always a good side to a person, every person.  Hence, why am I complaining about him/her?  There is always a beautiful thing about life.  Hence, why can’t I learn to value its worth?  Is there a solid justification on my complaints, my criticism and the unwarranted judgement I have on others?

 

Truth is, to be a good human, I need to work on myself first.  To be with peace, I need to recognize my complexities first.  To be kind, I have to recognize my shortcomings first and learn to improve them.

 

How about my arrogance?  Am I a patient person?  Can I be true to my words?  Do I make promises, break them and give more excuses?  It is okay not to forget but do I forgive easily?  Do I hold on to grudges, never to let them go?

 

Can I learn to be kind in life?  Can I be accepting?  Can I be gracious without asking for anything in return, not even expecting a ‘thank you’?  Is 'thank you' ever needed?  Is it a transaction where not saying it compromises on the true state of being?

 

Life is better when I accept things for what they really are.  Life is empowering when I live to let go.  It is okay to agree to disagree and disagree to agree.  It is better that I learn to compromise.  

 

There is the energy of love in all interaction – it is just how I want to see it.  It is how my ego surrenders to let the divine light to come into me.

 

It is okay when others want to hate me.  They have the right to do so.  I cannot force them to like me.  Very often, it is my ego that gets hurt while I forget the bigger lesson here is to learn about myself.  A positive attitude has significant impact on my well being.  The negative attitude manifests in dis-eases.

 

It is okay to lose some people.  It is okay to cut some ties.  When the day comes to say goodbye, fill it with love, not hate.  Fill it with understanding, not revenge.  Fill with it kindness, not judgement.  Do it with acceptance.  Trust that everything that is to happen is happening for good reason.

 

Not all things are meant to be together.  It is the Law of Attractions and Vibrations.  Nothing is permanent.  At times, it is the letting go that makes the good amend; to make things right to move forward.

 

Interaction falls short when I do not take simplicity in its true essence.  It fails when I carelessly doubt at every single stroke on human actions.  It is wise should I be thankful at every chance I get.  I have to learn to be grateful for all the good things I do have and all the problems I know I do not have.

 

What I learn, all the things I have acquired, may not necessarily be the right thing.  What may be right for me is not the same for others.  Ironically, human struggles to find life outside him.  He becomes unaware that life he is seeking is within him.

 

It is important to find peace.  I must love to love and not love to hate.  I should not worry about the past or the future.  I have to accept all situations for what they are, even if I am going to disagree.  Not every action needs a reaction.  Not all things come with immediate answers.

 

It is okay when others see the wrong in me but it is not okay when I jump into conclusion to judge them.  I do not have to agree with another but it is important that I learn to respect every human being.  All humans struggle.  Everyone, including myself, has a difficult time coping.  At times, we all fall apart.

 

When I complain, I am basing my point of view, my level of information and my beliefs towards others in a negative way.  When I complain, I am nurturing hate inside me.  When I complain, I am allowing damage to control my life and let it be the cancer to kill my soul.

 

I need to turn all my complaints by looking inward.  I need to acknowledge my anger, my disappointments, my frustrations and all other negative emotions.  I need to accept that they are inside of me even though my intellect mind is telling otherwise.

 

There are always reasons behind every action, which I am not fully aware off.  There could be sorrow behind the smiles.  There could be love behind the anger.  There could be wisdom behind the silence.  There could be a cry for help with the saying, ‘I am doing okay’.

 

Like them, I have my own battle to face.  I have to learn to replace ‘Why is this happening to me?’ with ‘What is this trying to teach me?’  When I can learn that, there will paradigm shift in life.

 

In life, I have to accept people as they are.  In life, I have to place them where they belong.  Accepting them "As-Is" is a blessing.  I am here to co-exist along with them.  I am here not to divide humanity.  Love comes to life naturally.  Hate is taught.

 

It is said, ‘Life is not about finding yourself.  Life is about creating yourself.”  Complaining does not solve problems, it attracts them instead.

 

I love you.  I am sorry.  Please forgive me.  Thank you.

 

 

[Steve5380]

12 hours ago, IkuTube said:

Should I am a good person, why is my life not perfect all the time?  Why am I not feeling peaceful indefinitely?  Why can’t I be happy constantly?  Why are there continuous recurring hiccups along the way?  What made these feelings fleeting?

 

Getting old is one thing.  To get sick and weak, as age progresses, is natural.  But, while I am still not old old, why am I not having a steady balanced good health?  Why are my body and my health kept failing me?

 

Have I pondered much about these questions?  Or, do I live in denial and insisted that I live with the good vibes the entire time?  Have I not wondered on my unpredictable fluctuating inner wealth?  Am I too arrogant to shrug off any indicative problematic signs on my belief system?  Does not my bad health or my anxiety teach me the life lesson?

 

Who is right?  What is right?  

Who is wrong?  What is wrong?

 

So, here is my cry for help :

 

Should there be a human out there, who gossips about me and totally free of life problems, please pray for me.  I want to be perfect like you.  I want to be healthy like you.  I want to be constantly peaceful like you.  Please, let me share your good fortunes.

 

So, here is a note to myself :

 

It will do me good when I can live without making a single complaint every day.  It will discipline me should I not judge another on any single day.  It will benefit me to focus on being a good human and instill to learn the good values.

 

It will give me a much peaceful life when I direct my anger towards my problems and not on others.  It will give me peace of mind when I strictly focus to find the right way to live and not dwell on excuses.  I have to take full responsibility and stop blaming anyone and anything when things are not going my way.

 

When I complain too much, I am judging.  I am refusing to see my own flaws.  In doing so, I am not acknowledging my mistakes, not admitting my weaknesses and, foolishly, subscribe to my idiosyncrasy.

 

It is always easy to fault others.  It is catastrophic should I not accept human as human.  It is ironical - somewhat pathetic - that I can think I am right when I am also wrong.  It is my arrogance for always wanting to have the last word.  Being trapped in my own negative mind is a war.

 

I forget when one finger is pointing out, there are three fingers pointing back at myself.  I forget, in doing so, I nurture hypocrisy and self righteousness.  When I point a finger of accusation, or criticism, the feeling of condemnation within me is three times more than what I am leveling at others.

 

To be human, I have to be more human.  When I am always complaining, I lack the understanding towards life.  I do not have empathy and I live in a corrupted dark energy.  I fail to embrace that life has never been, and is never, perfect.  Perfection is in the unconditional; it is absolute and not subject to any special terms.

 

All humans have their own stories.  Literally, everyone is going through some sort of struggles.  It is important that I recognize it.  When I understand that that I learn to accept on the difference ways at how each individual lives.  Life has no expectations except the ones I make.

 

There is always a good side to a person, every person.  Hence, why am I complaining about him/her?  There is always a beautiful thing about life.  Hence, why can’t I learn to value its worth?  Is there a solid justification on my complaints, my criticism and the unwarranted judgement I have on others?

 

Truth is, to be a good human, I need to work on myself first.  To be with peace, I need to recognize my complexities first.  To be kind, I have to recognize my shortcomings first and learn to improve them.

 

How about my arrogance?  Am I a patient person?  Can I be true to my words?  Do I make promises, break them and give more excuses?  It is okay not to forget but do I forgive easily?  Do I hold on to grudges, never to let them go?

 

Can I learn to be kind in life?  Can I be accepting?  Can I be gracious without asking for anything in return, not even expecting a ‘thank you’?  Is 'thank you' ever needed?  Is it a transaction where not saying it compromises on the true state of being?

 

Life is better when I accept things for what they really are.  Life is empowering when I live to let go.  It is okay to agree to disagree and disagree to agree.  It is better that I learn to compromise.  

 

There is the energy of love in all interaction – it is just how I want to see it.  It is how my ego surrenders to let the divine light to come into me.

 

It is okay when others want to hate me.  They have the right to do so.  I cannot force them to like me.  Very often, it is my ego that gets hurt while I forget the bigger lesson here is to learn about myself.  A positive attitude has significant impact on my well being.  The negative attitude manifests in dis-eases.

 

It is okay to lose some people.  It is okay to cut some ties.  When the day comes to say goodbye, fill it with love, not hate.  Fill it with understanding, not revenge.  Fill with it kindness, not judgement.  Do it with acceptance.  Trust that everything that is to happen is happening for good reason.

 

Not all things are meant to be together.  It is the Law of Attractions and Vibrations.  Nothing is permanent.  At times, it is the letting go that makes the good amend; to make things right to move forward.

 

Interaction falls short when I do not take simplicity in its true essence.  It fails when I carelessly doubt at every single stroke on human actions.  It is wise should I be thankful at every chance I get.  I have to learn to be grateful for all the good things I do have and all the problems I know I do not have.

 

What I learn, all the things I have acquired, may not necessarily be the right thing.  What may be right for me is not the same for others.  Ironically, human struggles to find life outside him.  He becomes unaware that life he is seeking is within him.

 

It is important to find peace.  I must love to love and not love to hate.  I should not worry about the past or the future.  I have to accept all situations for what they are, even if I am going to disagree.  Not every action needs a reaction.  Not all things come with immediate answers.

 

It is okay when others see the wrong in me but it is not okay when I jump into conclusion to judge them.  I do not have to agree with another but it is important that I learn to respect every human being.  All humans struggle.  Everyone, including myself, has a difficult time coping.  At times, we all fall apart.

 

When I complain, I am basing my point of view, my level of information and my beliefs towards others in a negative way.  When I complain, I am nurturing hate inside me.  When I complain, I am allowing damage to control my life and let it be the cancer to kill my soul.

 

I need to turn all my complaints by looking inward.  I need to acknowledge my anger, my disappointments, my frustrations and all other negative emotions.  I need to accept that they are inside of me even though my intellect mind is telling otherwise.

 

There are always reasons behind every action, which I am not fully aware off.  There could be sorrow behind the smiles.  There could be love behind the anger.  There could be wisdom behind the silence.  There could be a cry for help with the saying, ‘I am doing okay’.

 

Like them, I have my own battle to face.  I have to learn to replace ‘Why is this happening to me?’ with ‘What is this trying to teach me?’  When I can learn that, there will paradigm shift in life.

 

In life, I have to accept people as they are.  In life, I have to place them where they belong.  Accepting them "As-Is" is a blessing.  I am here to co-exist along with them.  I am here not to divide humanity.  Love comes to life naturally.  Hate is taught.

 

It is said, ‘Life is not about finding yourself.  Life is about creating yourself.”  Complaining does not solve problems, it attracts them instead.

 

I love you.  I am sorry.  Please forgive me.  Thank you.

 

 

 

I share your concern about being a decent person but unable to attain a perfect life. 

 

One has to accept that there is a connection between the spirit and the body, and there is growing evidence that through helping the body we can help our spirit too. 

 

In the last 20 years there have been a lot of scientific investigations into our microbiome, the bacteria that populates our gastric system.  The findings are becoming increasingly amazing.   Six months ago I learned about this Dr. William Davis who studies the effect of different gut bacteria and their strains in the functioning of our body,  and I learned about a very helpful one, Lactobacillus Reuteri.  ( I also posted about this in the "gays who will be seniors" thread. )  I started to make cultures of this bacterium following Dr. David's instruction, and I have been eating the resulting "yogurt" daily since then. 

 

As he predicts,  I notice that this product is making me kinder, with more empathy and happier.  Life is still not perfect, but its imperfections are becoming more tolerable.  An intelligent person like yourself can investigate this topic and the qualifications of its researchers, getting evidence that it is not "quackery" but a potential advancement of medical science, and try it out too.  Besides an investment of some dollars,  there is nothing to lose by doing so.

 

 

 

Edited March 24 by Steve5380

[IkuTube]

 Is Reaching Out A Difficult Thing To Do?

 

Life let me to live each day better than my last.  While I cannot fix back for what I have done yesterday, I have another chance to make things right today.  Yesterday is gone and it is gone for good.  But, today will make a difference should I allow myself to mend it.

 

The difference is in the way I react to it.  It is how I perceive with new dimension.  The difference will be in the knowing.  The difference is in eliminating the bad habit and let it become valuable lesson moving forward.

 

Loving on a new day must be my priority to live.  Top of the priority, I need to live to connect with myself, with my Higher Self and with the people I love and care much.  The objective is to strive for maturity in life, stability in relationship, loyalty on meaningful connection and peace till my end.

 

It is awareness - it has always been about that.  Awareness has to be constant.  It has to grow with me, to put myself on the purpose of my existence.  Am I making positive difference each day?  What have I done yesterday that I am going to make today better?

 

Do I feel that I am wasting my life away? A tragedy is when I do not value life.  A disaster is when I am in constant conflicts with how I live.  Life has always been unconditional.  It is ready for setback.  Life forgives.  Life accepts challenges.  Often, it is the mindset of humans that complicates the process.

 

Seriously, life demands on my willingness and readiness to live.  When I fully participate, become less reactive but more proactive, nothing can stop success from coming into my life.  The relationship between a new day and the fruits that each day are to give me is in the act of reaching out.

 

Day by day, what I think and what I do is who I become.  I have to live with my soul reaching out to me every day, and likewise me to my soul.  We need to be one to live as good human.  Together, we become strong.  Likewise, I need to reach out to others to make this world a better place.

 

I must cultivate a desire to add on additional values with every passing day.  I must not quit on myself.  I cannot quit life.  I must not be afraid to start over again.  When I do, I give myself the good chance to start from an experience, not from a scratch.

 

Every day is about a creation.  Every day begins with a blank canvass waiting for beautiful drawing.  Or, it could be the canvass waiting for more and more beautiful words.  I have the choice to make the difference.  I have the freewill to create for the meaningful life.

 

It is in my hands.  I have been given the intellect to use it wisely.  I have been given the consciousness not to waste but to make life purposeful.

 

To honour Life, I must not waste the canvas.  I cannot discard and leave it empty.  I should not, on purpose, leave it untouched and un-cared for.

 

I have to appreciate its presence, its existence.  It has to be filled even with a slightest simple act.  It is the intention that counts.  It is the first step that gives me the wings to fly.  I must not forget that it comes for a reason.  I must not make excuses and ignore its divine glory.

 

When some things go wrong, there ought to be a good reason.  They happen for my greater awareness.  They happen so that I will not take life for granted.  Perhaps, I have not taken the moments to be thankful for the many things that are going right?  Have I thought of it?

 

Every day is a good day for a good day.  If it is meant for me, it will not miss me.  It is to knock on my realization that when I do not appreciate it that I lose it.

 

I have to live my life like I really matter.  I have to live my life like I am happy to be alive because there is always alternative.  Today, there is a cancel culture where life becomes insignificant, just with a touch of the button.  It is important that I know I made a mistake and I need to correct it immediately.

 

Every new day is about healing the past.  Every new day is to discover on the seeds I planted yesterday.  Have I nurtured and nourished it with something good for the seed to grow well today and for the future?

 

All things grow, regardless.  All things will slowly come together, like it or not.  All things will work out, even when it is filled with hesitation.

 

All I need to do is to hold on to faith.  All that I need is to surrender.   I need to have calmness and the patience to stay afloat in any calamities.  Importantly, I have to be the person who keeps trying.

 

I must not easily give up.  The more accountable I become, the more disciplined in life I will be.  When I am tough on myself, life becomes easier on me.  It is the promise of the Divine for the good of me and for everyone.  I have to be somebody nobody thought I could be.

 

When, and where, there is love, there will always be time and nothing is too much a trouble.  Love is why I am here on Mother Earth.  Am I going to waste it?  Am I going to make a difference?  Why am I here, right now?  Why does this day exist?

 

Today, and every each day, is about reaching out.  It is when (you and) I make the genuine effort to reach out that Life blossoms.  Reaching out transcends lights among us but it has to be 2-ways.  It is vital for the perfect functioning of the Universe.  It should be humans’ top priority.

 

Question is, is reaching out difficult?  Is it such a heavy, demanding and burdensome task to carry it out?

Why is reaching out has to come with second guessing?  Why can’t it be spontaneous?  Not everything, in life, needs a reaction but certainty is a feeling of faith.  It is trust.  It is an act nudged by higher consciousness for things to get better.

 

In life, I need to take my time to talk to my family members.  I need to make time to reach out to fellow friends.  I must create the time.  Time cannot just be a come-and-go thing.  It has to be owned.  The act of reaching out should not be a thought after, second choice.

 

Reaching out has to be more than sending a ‘Good day, good morning’ greeting.  It has to be far more than a daily shared dosage of Tiktok.  It has to be far more than a trivial update of Instagram stories.  It has to have more meaning than the ‘Forwarded many times’ messages.

 

There is nothing wrong with those greetings.  A good greeting is a good greeting.  It is already posted with the best of good intention.   Such effort has to be recognized and appreciated.  There are lessons to learn from every postings.

 

What could be better is to heighten its worthiness in its intention.  It has vast difference when it is accompanied with personal notes, with personal messages.  Personal messages lift the spirits.  They bring people closer and it strengthens the 2-ways relationship.

 

[Note to myself] Reaching out has to be more than this writing.  There should not be selective selection as to whom I want to reach out.  There should not be ‘wait till he/she calls me first’ attitude.

 

Be certain that it has to do with something more wonderful for humanity.  It has to come from the deepest genuine efforts.  It is said, ‘when we have a beautiful heart and pure intentions, we do not lose anyone’.

 

Reaching out brings people together.  It connects us closer.  It gets rid on any heaviness that is weighing down relationship.  It makes life simple.  The more we are to reach out, the light within us glows differently.  With brighter lights, we live in a better world.

 

I will never know what someone is going through unless I ask.  Assumptions are often wrong.  When I care enough and I understand what love is, I should reach out.  Surely, I can do much more than just saying a little prayer on the sideline.

 

A human finds peace when he is surrounded with love, for actions speak louder.  I have to reach out out of my love for humanity.  It has to be done in full realization that all humans have their worth.  I should not let my ego be in the way to divide us.

 

I need to learn to deal with the fact I am not a perfect person.  I must learn to be kind.  I have to learn to be good.  Don’t I want to live with these values?

 

Reaching out is not only about communication.  It is an act of kindness.  It is an act of love. 

 

 

[Steve5380]

6 hours ago, IkuTube said:

 

A human finds peace when he is surrounded with love, for actions speak louder.  I have to reach out out of my love for humanity.  It has to be done in full realization that all humans have their worth.  I should not let my ego be in the way to divide us.

 

I need to learn to deal with the fact I am not a perfect person.  I must learn to be kind.  I have to learn to be good.  Don’t I want to live with these values?

 

Reaching out is not only about communication.  It is an act of kindness.  It is an act of love. 

 

 

It is natural that we strive to possess.  To posses strength, beauty, intelligence, power.  We should not forget an important possession:  love.

 

Love is such a strange feeling!  We come to this world with plenty of many other feelings like desire, ambition, justice, gratitude, and eventual anger and a bunch of other negative feelings.  But love?  We can be good, decent individuals but not feel much love. 

 

Of course some love usually hides in the background, love for our parents, friends, often triggered by gratitude.  This is normal since early childhood.  But identifying LOVE can make us a little uncomfortable, especially in us males.  But not to despair.  This feeling evolves with time, and eventually it comes out to the surface and we cultivate it with interest, recognizing its value.  In some of us it has to wait until middle age and even seniority to be recognized and promoted. 

 

And interestingly,  difficulties, pain, suffering don't necessarily push down love, but often they are the catalyst to bring love to the surface, like it is the case of mourning, grieving for the death of a beloved. 

 

So let's not lose hope.  If the nature of our character is to be cold, indifferent, lacking empathy or even being mean and ugly,  it may be in our nature that sooner or later LOVE will find its opportunity to emerge to the surface, and we will recognize its value, and even better, it may include LOVE FOR OURSELVES, helping us forgive our lack of it earlier, and forgive our earlier negative acts.    And if this does not happen in this whole life, then we probably have to wait for the next life / lives,  something that cannot be ruled out.  So in the end, we may be safe.   

[IkuTube]

In Life, Keep Focusing Inward

 

I do believe even the kindest and calmest person, in this world on Mother Earth, has a certain limit on how much he / she can bear.  It is in the nature of any human being where there will always be a point, a level, beyond which something does not or may not be tolerated further.  There is a limit to everything.  There is a limit to one’s endurance.

 

No human beings can exist to be perfect.  That is the truth where I shall not, and must not, argue.  No human beings can constantly keep absorbing all the sufferings, the extreme humiliations, the most brutal insults.

 

Even joy has limits.  Even peace has its finest day.  Even life ends with a death.

Simply, no matter how good the heart is, eventually a person has to start treating others as how others are treating him.  It is sad that even with the purest of hearts, there comes a point where humans must acknowledge how others treat each other.  As living humans, we need to adjust our interactions accordingly.  This is to protect our well being and to maintain balance in relationships.

 

Knowing the extent on limits, what must I do?  I cannot blatantly ignore the repercussions.  What shall be the ramification should I continue to disregard them?  What I give out is what I get back.  Life is like a boomerang, when I throw it out and it comes back to me eventually.

 

How do I react to those whom I have pushed off their limits?  I need to be aware of karma, the Law of Cause and Effect.  It is said, ‘Karma is a bitch’ and I have to be mindful of that.  I must remind myself that I am a human with limited intellect but with a big reservoir of imperfections.

 

I must learn to be responsible in life.  I should not harm others when I do not wish to be harmed.  I should not judge others when I do get hurt and dislike being judged.  What goes around comes around.  Life, at any point, will not let me to get away for what I did.  Yes, I can run but I cannot hide forever.  There is always a price to pay.

 

How do I react to my dear Self whom is going through extreme boundary?  Do I love myself enough to stop from getting bullied, intimidated or thrown under the bus?  Do I have enough self worth when others over worked on my limits?

 

Can I own my misgivings?  My own faults?  My own fears?  My own doubts?  My own screw-ups?

 

It will be recognition of self respect and setting healthy boundaries.  While it is important to approach others with kindness and empathy, it is equally crucial to ensure that I am not subjecting myself to mistreatment or disrespect.  It is important to honor my own worth while still holding space for compassion and understanding.

 

It is important to care for my soul.  It is crucial to heal my Inner Child.  It is my primary duty to nurture them.  When I honor the Self 'I'-dentity that the light within me lights brighter.

 

[Side note:  Nonetheless, the mind will not be confined to any limits.  While the sky is the limit, it is good to think big.  It is good to encourage not to be afraid to set high goals.  Thinking big is a crucial step towards enlarging life vision, towards realizing better goals.]

 

The limits are in the way one thinks.  The limits are my thoughts.  The limits are in the realization on my emotional boundaries – on the way I feel, I sense and I perceive.  Physically, my body has its limits too. 

 

Somehow, when such limit is reached, I can no longer force to go any further.  I may end up feeling burned out.  There shall be risks on my mental health.  It is when the limit is reached that awareness is rendered useful.  However, it is good should this awareness come before it is too late.

   

It is when I surrender on my limits that an act for self love comes into play.  I have to admit my weakness, my vulnerability and it is okay that I tell myself that I am a sensitive person.  When I do not know the value on my boundaries, I will never understand the damage it can cause me.

 

While a leeway can be stretched, there are points beyond which no amount of adjusting, modifying or educating can reasonably alter a boundary.  Truth is, having limits helps me.  It helps any human.  The rational mind helps the body (mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically) to organize better investment of energy.

 

With such awareness, a logical being will live a better life.  The awareness will be at its peak when he thinks inwardly.  Doing so, he will have better clarity on how not to be affected with his outside world.  When he separates the inside from the outside, and the outside from the inside, nothing matters anymore.

   

When he is calmer, the clearer he thinks.  He learns to find peace within.  He knows there is no need to get anyone’s approval as how to live a good, happy and peaceful life.  Nothing else matters but keeping a good sanity of the mind does.

 

To be the like of this logical being, I need to keep lighting the light within me.  My value does not decrease based on someone’s inability to see my worth.  When I can agree to that, I will take in more about myself.  When my soul is tired, it is time to look inward, to reflect.  It is okay to distant myself away from all toxic that harm the Peace of 'I'.

 

In life, happiness is about minding my own business.  However, the goal is not to be better than anyone else but to be better than I used to be.  In life, it is my road and mine alone.  Others may walk it with me but no one can walk it for me.

 

As I get older, I really desire to just want to be surrounded by good people.  I do believe these people exist.  But, I need to choose people who don't judge me based on my worst days.  When they do not, these people will be good for me and they are good for my soul.  Questions are, do I deserve to have them?  Will I take advantage of their good hearts?

 

To live for one’s self is not a selfish way.  It's a recognition of self respect.  It is about self preservation to honor my own worth while still holding space towards harmony with others.  That said, I need to know my dominant behavior.  Am I dominantly negative?  Am I forcefully positive?  How do I act and react when I am called to care and support others?

 

When I start to focus inward, I embrace my existence.  I am giving the extra mile to love myself instead of loving the idea of other people loving me.  When I focus inward, I work not to let the noise of the world to distract me.  Instead, I gain an understanding of listening to the voice of my soul.  I am bringing myself closer to my Inner Child.  These are the 'Me'.

 

In life, I am never alone in what I do.  There is always the involvement of people, things and places.  Most importantly, there is the ‘Me’ whom I need to nurture too.  Hence, while I may choose to be ‘selfish’, I have to extend my human side to be fully human.  I have to empower self love and feel it.  When I truly feel what love is that I can give love away.

 

I will be selfish should I live my life without having consideration on how my actions might affect others.  I am selfish when I think I am always right and do not care how others think.  I am selfish when I impose my ideas, my thoughts.  I am selfish when I constantly wronged someone, through my biased judgement, on the surface of his behavior.  I am selfish when I need to have the last say.

 

When I cannot love myself, how can I love others?  When I do not know much about myself, what made me think I know others more?  Understanding oneself is a complex and ongoing process.  No one man can fully understand himself, in his lifetime, because humans are influenced by multitude of factors constantly.

 

When I am full of hate, I will not know how to be kind.  What I have is what I give out.  Despite how pleasing I think I am, when I have an ugly heart, I am out-rightly ugly.  Despite my thinking I am good at communication - just because I think I am good at it - but when I lack comprehension, I am as good as nothing.  Period!

 

What makes me ugly is my negativity - no amount of beauty regime can help to eliminate it.  What makes me negative is my toxicity.  For me to change, it requires awareness and the acceptance that I am such.

 

The more I order others, unconsciously, I am faulting human beings.  When I give an ounce of thoughts / actions to reprove others, I am exhibiting my ego.  When I am not forgiving others, even though I claimed I did, I am a good natural liar.  Full stop!

 

Have I thought on my ugliness?  Have I looked inward to focus on what good it has done to my well being?  How long am I going to ignore that I am not perfect, that I have these ugliness within me?  How long more am I going to fault others but to believe that I am a good person?

 

What can make me pleasant would be my understanding towards life.  It would be my love for humanity.  It would be my love for love.  It would be my love for peace, not only for myself but for others too  It is the appreciation on gratitude to bestow abundance of love, joy and peace, moving forward.

 

All of us have our own battles others are not aware of.  Behind a smile could be a cry for help.  Behind a kindness act could be a bleeding heart.  Behind a loving heart is a quiet painful suffering.  I have to ponder and navigate these dynamics before I open my mouth.  It will be the generous loving mind that heals humanity.

 

When ego gets in the way of the Higher Self, relationship fails.  Life is a journey, not a race.  It is the lengthy experiences gained along the path that gives rise to maturity.  Me winning a race in short distances will not qualify to understand the incredible intricacy and complexity of life.

 

Am I too arrogant to accept all men are equal?  Am I egotistically opinionated?  Am I too full of myself?  Where am I in the world of negativity?  Have I lost my soul?  Do I dare to call myself a snobbish snob publicly without hurting my integrity and self identity?  Do I live by my intellect believing I am good at anything and everything?

 

I need to know that I become selfish because I need to love myself.  When I truly value my worth, I have become harder to manipulate.  I should not confuse myself the difference between these two.  Like others, I am a human being having human experience after all.

 

In life, when I keep focusing inward, I will get more effective with my value, my worth, my goals, my future, my peace.  Importantly, I get to care what life is about. 

Importantly, I get to understand that my sense of self worth comes from me alone, from loving myself and never the opinion of others.

 

In life, I must not lose why I am here.  In life, there is more than just achieving success.  In life, there is nothing wrong with failures.  In life, can’t I just be good?  In life, is it difficult for me to be kind?  In life, why can’t I easily forgive and completely let go?

What must I do to be a meaningful human?  Do pray for me, dear humans.

 

 

 

[Steve5380]

18 hours ago, IkuTube said:

 

In life, when I keep focusing inward, I will get more effective with my value, my worth, my goals, my future, my peace.  Importantly, I get to care what life is about. Importantly, I get to understand that my sense of self worth comes from me alone, from loving myself and never the opinion of others.

 

In life, I must not lose why I am here.  In life, there is more than just achieving success.  In life, there is nothing wrong with failures.  In life, can’t I just be good?  In life, is it difficult for me to be kind?  In life, why can’t I easily forgive and completely let go?

What must I do to be a meaningful human?  Do pray for me, dear humans.

 

 

I find that it is not hard for a senior to focus inwards.  ( provided that the senior is healthy and has not developed dementia, Alzheimer's ).  The progressive loss of practical value to society with age should inspire us to increase our self-love,  to create the self-worth of a "worth" that is different than the one society defines.

 

Having the time to observe the life of other seniors,  especially the highly important ones who also achieved much success, it is easy to realize that such importance and success in society fades away, and more relevant is the success we feel from our self-love and self-worth.  Failures also lose their effect when we take as a success that we still exist in the present. 

 

What I find somewhat difficult to deal with are the worldwide events that seem to confirm that GOOD and EVIL don't have a real substance in nature, a true reality,  but are simply a reflection of our feelings, our moral values.  The result of these observations is often negative, sad, depressing, leaving me thinking of WHY these events are allowed to exist.  But thanks perhaps to my age I have become tolerant, accepting, and the negativities vanish soon.

 

One thought that helps me is that having fulfilled my expected life time,  the continuous present is just an "extra" that comes to me as a gift, and therefore I should not pass judgment on it.   This idea also vanishes soon,  and I am left with a fulfilling positive state of mind.  I am now living one of the happiest time in life.  Who would have thought...???   And this is why I preach so much about seeking seniority as a good goal.