Heartbits (Speak your heart out)

[greenroad]

Feeling relatively happy now, although i cant help but to think of some disappointments which i felt recently.. Been thinking about this, and i guess its totally legit we get tears of happiness and also laughters that brings about sorrow..

 

Doing abit of self reflection, and somehow i realised that its been a long time since i have made true friends.. it led me to validate my thoughts, that true friends can only be made through tough times. Were things much simplified and less transactional when we were younger then.. if not, it’s just my problem..

 

Wonder if anyone of you feel the same.. enjoy the weekend.

[Guest latenitethots]

On 9/7/2018 at 7:35 PM, lastdraw said:

im here at a bus stop by my alma-mater to meet a seller from Carousell. as I was crossing the bridge to get to the bus stop, i took notice of a smartly dressed chap looking at his phone by the railing. before i walked past him, he looked up from his phone and we exchanged eye contact. its a Friday evening, he could be waiting for a date. this date could jolly well be my junior from school.

 

i reached the bus stop when the seller messaged me and told me he would be slightly late due to the rain and a jam on the road. i found a discreet corner by the bridge to wait, overlooking the bus stop.

 

this bus stop, the bus stop at this place that i haven’t visited for a long time.

the place that created six years of beautiful memories.

 

i see the smartly dressed chap.

he’s not alone anymore, beside him is a guy - as tall as him, as smartly dressed, as young.

they look like they are really good friends, chatting and laughing while walking towards the bus stop.

 

maybe they’re a couple. a lovely couple strolling to the bus stop so they could head to their next destination on this rainy Friday evening.

maybe for a movie, maybe for a meal.

it’s that same bus stop, where i met my first date. he was 14 then, and I was 13.

he might be my senior for the next six years in school, but he was my memorable date that evening.

as cars drove on the wet road beside me, i suddenly got reminded that was a rainy evening too. a rainy Friday evening.

 

subsequently I began to date countless of guys in my school uniform.

i forgot the number of guys, and the faces to these guys whom I knew during those six years. 

my last date, and boyfriend, left me shortly after I graduated from school, right before I started to serve the army.

 

it’s been close to another six years since I left school, and ironically my date count for these six years was zero.

maybe i’m grown up now, maybe i’m more skeptical, maybe i’m more realistic, maybe i’m more delusive.

or maybe i’m stuck in the first six years, stuck in the beautiful memory of that rainy Friday evening.

 

‘’hi, did you buy something from me on Carousell?”

“oh hi.”

 

this is such a gem 

[Sh3rlock]

On 9/7/2018 at 1:35 PM, lastdraw said:

im here at a bus stop by my alma-mater to meet a seller from Carousell. as I was crossing the bridge to get to the bus stop, i took notice of a smartly dressed chap looking at his phone by the railing. before i walked past him, he looked up from his phone and we exchanged eye contact. its a Friday evening, he could be waiting for a date. this date could jolly well be my junior from school.

 

i reached the bus stop when the seller messaged me and told me he would be slightly late due to the rain and a jam on the road. i found a discreet corner by the bridge to wait, overlooking the bus stop.

 

this bus stop, the bus stop at this place that i haven’t visited for a long time.

the place that created six years of beautiful memories.

 

i see the smartly dressed chap.

he’s not alone anymore, beside him is a guy - as tall as him, as smartly dressed, as young.

they look like they are really good friends, chatting and laughing while walking towards the bus stop.

 

maybe they’re a couple. a lovely couple strolling to the bus stop so they could head to their next destination on this rainy Friday evening.

maybe for a movie, maybe for a meal.

it’s that same bus stop, where i met my first date. he was 14 then, and I was 13.

he might be my senior for the next six years in school, but he was my memorable date that evening.

as cars drove on the wet road beside me, i suddenly got reminded that was a rainy evening too. a rainy Friday evening.

 

subsequently I began to date countless of guys in my school uniform.

i forgot the number of guys, and the faces to these guys whom I knew during those six years. 

my last date, and boyfriend, left me shortly after I graduated from school, right before I started to serve the army.

 

it’s been close to another six years since I left school, and ironically my date count for these six years was zero.

maybe i’m grown up now, maybe i’m more skeptical, maybe i’m more realistic, maybe i’m more delusive.

or maybe i’m stuck in the first six years, stuck in the beautiful memory of that rainy Friday evening.

 

‘’hi, did you buy something from me on Carousell?”

“oh hi.”

@lastdraw I always enjoy your writing! Inspirational. Looking forward to the next post from you.

 

[Sh3rlock]

Sitting on the verandah of the of the 2nd floor coffee shop, I overlook the suburban landscape browned by the recent winter. The coffee shop and the sprawling modern mall containing it could be anywhere in Singapore, Sydney, Milan, Tokyo or London, but it overlooks the suburbs of my hometown Pretoria.

 

The landscape contains the contradictions of this great but for now troubled country. In the foreground is the sprawling shantytown built from corrugated steel plates, plastic sheeting and other throwaway material now meant to provide shelter to the countless homeless. Those whose housing never came to fruition, because the money for it was brazenly stolen by countless corrupt and well known politicians. To the far right lies the massive mansions built by the Millionaires who no longer plough profits back into their businesses because they feel the urgency to accumulate personal wealth as soon as possible before their business too gets stolen or the country becomes “another Zimbabwe”. To the far left lies the modest dwellings of the suburban middle class, toiling away despite the negative race dividing rhetoric of the Politicians, knowing that ultimately South Africans daily experience the Ubunthu that is the care and kindness of fellow citizens.And in the centre lies the cemetery where my parents lie together with other Europeans who descended from those who came here 300 years ago and founded what became the pale African tribe of “Afrikaners”.

 

Oh, how I miss Africa !  But  for now there is the richness of culture, experience, tradition and people that is Singapore. What a joy ! Being able to contribute in a small way to the building of a nation, as we all do, makes me proud. If I am blessed I will be able to see both countries overcome their different difficulties and contradictions and become true Rainbow Nations.

 

Viva South Africa! Majulah Singapura! 

Edited September 23, 2018 by Sh3rlock

[Steve5380]

Only recently after a long life I realize how real love is perceived. 

It is not so much by being with our beloved,  this can seem natural and a given.

It is by LOSING the person we love.  THEN real love becomes pure emotional suffering.

Today I went back to the nearby mall where my friend M and I used to walk daily for about 45 minutes.

We walked slowly, with him holding onto my shoulder because he had difficulty walking.

We spoke little, but shared the thousand things that came in front of our eyes.

We walked this path for the last time two months ago, shortly before his death.

Today after coming back home I have been crying most of the time.

My home is now empty without his presence, and there is a big void in my life.

 

How much would I like to be a believer, and be consoled by the thought

that my friend is with me, invisibly following me from the supernatural.

I would pay a fortune to a medium that could put me in contact with him

and hear again his voice speaking to me. 

I would be blessed with a belief that he is now in heaven,

and when it is my time I might reunite with him there, if I deserve it.

 

I am an agnostic.  All I can think is that his existence has completely ended,

and so our friendship, our times together, his personality, all have vanished

without any hope to relive the past.  How I wish that I could travel back to the past!

But one thought is emerging with time, which will help me regain my sanity:

He is forever "asleep", free of suffering, free of illness, free of preoccupation.

He has attained what I speculate we all will reach one day:

the return to non existence and detachment from all that affects life.

 

What I need to do now is to let that love mature and make me a better person,

and slowly renounce and put aside my dwellings in self pity.

And... why not?  as an agnostic, not an atheist,  I stay open to any hint

that something marvelous results from our life and death.

[Guest lastdraw]

have you ever felt like you might be doing something in vain? you are really hopeful; you keep pressing on because you believe there might jolly well be a ray of light by the end of the tunnel. 

 

but the journey is so daunting; you know nothing for sure, and everything is so uncertain. there have been so many times you caught yourself asking if all that you are doing now will be worth it one day. 

 

if only you knew the outcome. if only you knew what was the right thing to do.

 

but you don’t. so you keep pressing on, all the way till the end of the tunnel. 

Edited September 24, 2018 by lastdraw

[Steve5380]

6 hours ago, lastdraw said:

 

but the journey is so daunting; you know nothing for sure, and everything is so uncertain. there have been so many times you caught yourself asking if all that you are doing now will be worth it one day. 

 

 

Maybe the journey can be easier if we value the process without giving much importance to the end result.

Because we know that the ultimate end result is death, even if we don't know what this leads to.

So we can exercise in the gym because we like getting bigger,  practice a skill because we like getting better at it,

study a language because we like the challenge to read it, stay healthy because we want to live longer, etc.

 

[Sh3rlock]

And so it has finally come that I have sworn off the church....in general and the Dutch Reformed Church of South Africa in particular.

 

A lot of things have led to this, but the main precipitant was the church’s stance on homosexuality. The flip-flopping by the church on homosexuality over the past two years was atrocious and shows that they are more concerned with the opinion of their congregants and the money they bring, than the will of God and what is morally right. It SO smacks of their similar stance to Apartheid which they fully supported since 1928. In defence of the Dutch Reformed Church, they are not alone. I note the Arch Bishop of Singapore is similarly failing to provide moral leadership to the Anglican Church in sharp contrast to Desmond Tutu, the previous Arch Bishop of Cape Town, who had the backbone and moral authority to support homosexuality despite the initially majority opposition of his congregants.

 

My feelings do, however, go far deeper. At the end of the day, all religion is man made with precious little input from the Gods.

 

I also take great strength from my believe that the most important relationship is that between the individual and the Gods. Whether there is one, three or seven or however many Gods, should be of little concern to us. I continue to talk to the Gods daily and continue to see their actions in my life and appreciate their care and love and how I can commune with them. I love how they speak with me through many things like nature, my dreams, messengers sent through the people that come into my life, and angels, but to name a few.

 

Since acknowledging my sexuality, I have had my spirituality reawaken and it is wonderful to feel a complete and whole being.

I am so Glad to be alive in this life !!! And should I ever be the only person in my life, I will not be lonely. I will always have myself and the Gods - and them willing; their messengers.

[Guest lastdraw]

the toddler sitting in the pram looks intently at the ceiling of the train carriage. even though I don’t know what he is looking at (and im pretty sure theres nothing fascinating on the ceiling), he continues to look intently at the ceiling, his shiny eyes brimming with so much life and clarity. 

 

meanwhile, the contact lenses im wearing for the twelfth hour now are making my eyes so dry and irritated. i look down on my laptop, and continue to read the notes for a test tomorrow.

Edited October 4, 2018 by lastdraw

[Sh3rlock]

18 hours ago, lastdraw said:

the toddler sitting in the pram looks intently at the ceiling of the train carriage. even though I don’t know what he is looking at (and im pretty sure theres actually nothing fascinating on the ceiling), he continues to look intently at the ceiling, his shiny eyes brimming with so much life and clarity. 

 

meanwhile, the contact lenses im wearing for the twelfth hour now are making my eyes so dry and irritated. i look down on my laptop, and continue to read the notes for a test tomorrow.

@lastdraw I just love this !!! The imagery, the contrast, the implication....

[Guest asdfg]

On 10/3/2018 at 12:48 PM, lastdraw said:

the toddler sitting in the pram looks intently at the ceiling of the train carriage. even though I don’t know what he is looking at (and im pretty sure theres nothing fascinating on the ceiling), he continues to look intently at the ceiling, his shiny eyes brimming with so much life and clarity. 

 

meanwhile, the contact lenses im wearing for the twelfth hour now are making my eyes so dry and irritated. i look down on my laptop, and continue to read the notes for a test tomorrow.

 

thumbs up to this and all your previous writing!! keep them coming buddy

[Sh3rlock]

Rebel Without a Cause....

 

inspired by Helnwein the Rebel walks down the lonely street. Broken Dreams litter the sidewalks and lie scattered amongst his towering accomplishments on either side of the Boulevard. his hands are deep in the pockets of his long overcoat cladding his athletic frame. his shoulders are hunched forwards against the bracing wind; his collar upturned against the cold.

 

this Rebel is acclaimed globally. he does not understand Can’t Be Done. the word Impossible has no meaning. Don’t Do It is a challenge to him; every time.

 

the Rebel can only be thwarted by Do Not Do It For It Is Wrong. the Rebel lashes out the only way he knows. he leaves unlocked the gate which lets in the Black Dog of despair. 

 

The Rebel needs to concentrate on a cause.

 

Focus, Rebel, Focus...

[Sh3rlock]

“Throw your bread on the water and one day you will get a sandwich back...”

 

He came unannounced carried through the celestial ether on the magic waves of wifi, joking, happy, laughing; playing the fool with the seven pointed hat.

 

His words were light and refreshing as the summer breeze. Hard as they tried, the words would not completely blanket the soft wailing sorrow hiding deep underneath. 

 

I reached out and touched offering but slight warmth. The light hug lingered and intensified. Soon this kindred spirit lifted my soul as if a feather and suffused it with joy.

 

Reaching out as a brother, I found a Friend.

[Guest lastdraw]

i know i should write tonight. 

everything’s so ‘right’ - the iced mocha beside me (though more ideally it should be warm, but only if it’s snowing outside), the stripped down christmas tunes and the blenders working in the background, and all the people who come and go before me. 

like how these people are full of their own agenda tonight, mine is to write, something, from the bar table in this coffeehouse. 

 

i opened this note where i randomly jotted things i want to write about, some eventual day. 

 

- me being Virgo, and how being an organized freak and a perfectionist has affected my life in many ways.

- how i love looking out my window at wee hours when I can’t sleep, to see if there might be one other person who isn’t sleeping as well.

- those dearest gloomy days in Germany when i was on exchange last year. 

- this mum and her baby whom i always bumped into at the bus stop one year ago, when now the daughter walks like a penguin and could call out for the bus as it comes.

- my passion in volunteering, one that i thought is an ex- but recently realised might still be in me. 

 

but as I reviewed these scribblings, none of them felt like the ‘right’ topic to write about tonight.

i spent a good hour just looking out from the bar table, as if i was part of the agenda, of all the people who came and went before me. 

 

then i realised that i actually already had the topic in mind. 

something deep down. it’s something that has been troubling me today.

or rather, something that has been troubling me for a long time. 

 

frankly it’s been a very lonely and sometimes tiring journey of self-discovery. 

and in this very journey so many guys came and went before me. 

it’s no one’s fault, really, for why these guys don’t eventually stay. i mean, that’s how life is, isn’t it? 

 

but i sometimes lament how fragile and insignificant these relationships are, especially when i thought some of them could actually be so beautiful. 

even though some of these guys had to go, they all left behind something.

 

- to my first boyfriend who taught me how to kiss and whom i still secretly stalk today, you were my company when i first explored my sexual orientation; i hate you for it, but thank you more. 

- to my first gay friend who looks so dashing now without braces, you made me realise how mean i was to you and how much i took you for granted.

- to the fling whom i met at the carpark stairs near my place and never met again, you showed me how casual relationships could be, and how much i didn’t like that. 

- to the teacher who promised to tutor me for General Paper but dumped me in a school toilet during our first tuition, you warned me how disgusting and despicable some people could get.

- to the date whom i brought to a magic show that i won tickets to, you created more magical moments than the magician. 

- to my second boyfriend who was sincere and serious towards me when we were dating, you understood that i was still uncertain, to be as sincere and serious as you in our relationship. 

- to the senior in school who refused to hang out with me anymore after i rejected you time after time, you made me so sad then so determined that i don’t need a jerk like you in my life.

- to the acquaintance who first knew me on this forum then bumped into me in school, you were nice to have not exposed me and respected my choice to stay discreet.

- to my third boyfriend who still ate my ugly and tasteless sushi, you taught me that like in a heterosexual relationship, compatibility and chemistry is key.

- to the guy whom i recently knew but stopped talking to today, you had me reflect about how so many guys came and went before me, like how you just did.

 

to these ten guys and many others who went, thank you for leaving a mark in my life, however small.

to all the guys who are to come, let me thank you in advance.

Edited December 23, 2018 by lastdraw

[Guest qwerty]

15 hours ago, lastdraw said:

i know i should write tonight. 

everything’s so ‘right’ - the iced mocha beside me (though more ideally it should be warm, but only if it’s snowing outside), the stripped down christmas tunes and the blenders working in the background, and all the people who come and go before me. 

like how these people are full of their own agenda tonight, mine is to write, something, from the bar table in this coffeehouse. 

 

i opened this note where i randomly jotted things i want to write about, some eventual day. 

 

- me being Virgo, and how being an organized freak and a perfectionist has affected my life in many ways.

- how i love looking out my window at wee hours when I can’t sleep, to see if there might be one other person who isn’t sleeping as well.

- those dearest gloomy days in Germany when i was on exchange last year. 

- this mum and her baby whom i always bumped into at the bus stop one year ago, when now the daughter walks like a penguin and could call out for the bus as it comes.

- my passion in volunteering, one that i thought is an ex- but recently realised it might still be in me. 

 

but as I reviewed these scribblings, none of them felt like the ‘right’ topic to write about tonight.

i spent a good hour just looking out from the bar table, as if i was part of the agenda, of all the people who came and went before me. 

 

then i realised that i actually already had the topic in mind. 

something deep down. it’s something that has been troubling me today.

or rather, something that has been troubling me for a long time. 

 

frankly it’s been a very lonely and sometimes tiring journey of self-discovery. 

and in this very journey so many guys came and went before me. 

it’s no one’s fault, really, for why these guys don’t eventually stay. i mean, that’s how life is, isn’t it? 

 

but i sometimes lament how fragile and insignificant these relationships are, especially when i thought some of them could actually be so beautiful. 

even though some of these guys had to go, they all left behind something.

 

- to my first boyfriend who taught me how to kiss and whom i still secretly stalk today, you were my company when i first explored my sexual orientation; i hate you for it, but thank you more. 

- to my first gay friend who looks so dashing now without braces, you made me realise how mean i was to you and how much i took you for granted.

- to the fling whom i met at the carpark stairs near my place and never met again, you showed me how casual relationships could be, and how much i didn’t like that. 

- to the teacher who promised to tutor me for General Paper but dumped me in a school toilet during our first tuition, you warned me how disgusting and despicable some people could get.

- to the date whom i brought to a magic show that i won tickets to, you created more magical moments than the magician. 

- to my second boyfriend who was sincere and serious towards me when we were dating, you understood that i was still uncertain, to be as sincere and serious as you in our relationship. 

- to the senior in school who refused to hang out with me anymore after i rejected you time after time, you made me so sad then so determined that i don’t need a jerk like you in my life.

- to the acquaintance who first knew me on this forum then bumped into me in school, you were nice to have not exposed me and respected my choice to stay discreet.

- to my third boyfriend who still ate my ugly and tasteless sushi, you taught me that like in a heterosexual relationship, compatibility and chemistry is key.

- to the guy whom i recently knew but stopped talking to today, you had me reflect about how so many guys came and went before me, like how you just did.

 

to these ten guys and many others who went, thank you for leaving a mark in my life, however small.

to all the guys who are to come, let me thank you in advance.

 

Your third boyfriend reminds me of my ex, who learnt cooking just for me. 

 

Do not worry, as these are just wrong people not for you, and I believe the right ones will stay by you.

[Guest arianaventi]

18 hours ago, lastdraw said:

i know i should write tonight. 

everything’s so ‘right’ - the iced mocha beside me (though more ideally it should be warm, but only if it’s snowing outside), the stripped down christmas tunes and the blenders working in the background, and all the people who come and go before me. 

like how these people are full of their own agenda tonight, mine is to write, something, from the bar table in this coffeehouse. 

 

i opened this note where i randomly jotted things i want to write about, some eventual day. 

 

- me being Virgo, and how being an organized freak and a perfectionist has affected my life in many ways.

- how i love looking out my window at wee hours when I can’t sleep, to see if there might be one other person who isn’t sleeping as well.

- those dearest gloomy days in Germany when i was on exchange last year. 

- this mum and her baby whom i always bumped into at the bus stop one year ago, when now the daughter walks like a penguin and could call out for the bus as it comes.

- my passion in volunteering, one that i thought is an ex- but recently realised it might still be in me. 

 

but as I reviewed these scribblings, none of them felt like the ‘right’ topic to write about tonight.

i spent a good hour just looking out from the bar table, as if i was part of the agenda, of all the people who came and went before me. 

 

then i realised that i actually already had the topic in mind. 

something deep down. it’s something that has been troubling me today.

or rather, something that has been troubling me for a long time. 

 

frankly it’s been a very lonely and sometimes tiring journey of self-discovery. 

and in this very journey so many guys came and went before me. 

it’s no one’s fault, really, for why these guys don’t eventually stay. i mean, that’s how life is, isn’t it? 

 

but i sometimes lament how fragile and insignificant these relationships are, especially when i thought some of them could actually be so beautiful. 

even though some of these guys had to go, they all left behind something.

 

- to my first boyfriend who taught me how to kiss and whom i still secretly stalk today, you were my company when i first explored my sexual orientation; i hate you for it, but thank you more. 

- to my first gay friend who looks so dashing now without braces, you made me realise how mean i was to you and how much i took you for granted.

- to the fling whom i met at the carpark stairs near my place and never met again, you showed me how casual relationships could be, and how much i didn’t like that. 

- to the teacher who promised to tutor me for General Paper but dumped me in a school toilet during our first tuition, you warned me how disgusting and despicable some people could get.

- to the date whom i brought to a magic show that i won tickets to, you created more magical moments than the magician. 

- to my second boyfriend who was sincere and serious towards me when we were dating, you understood that i was still uncertain, to be as sincere and serious as you in our relationship. 

- to the senior in school who refused to hang out with me anymore after i rejected you time after time, you made me so sad then so determined that i don’t need a jerk like you in my life.

- to the acquaintance who first knew me on this forum then bumped into me in school, you were nice to have not exposed me and respected my choice to stay discreet.

- to my third boyfriend who still ate my ugly and tasteless sushi, you taught me that like in a heterosexual relationship, compatibility and chemistry is key.

- to the guy whom i recently knew but stopped talking to today, you had me reflect about how so many guys came and went before me, like how you just did.

 

to these ten guys and many others who went, thank you for leaving a mark in my life, however small.

to all the guys who are to come, let me thank you in advance.

 

One taught me love
One taught me patience
And one taught me pain
Now, I'm so amazing
I've loved and I've lost
But that's not what I see
So, look what I got
Look what you taught me
And for that, I say

 

Thank you, next

[Guest Guest]

On 12/22/2018 at 11:15 PM, lastdraw said:

i know i should write tonight. 

everything’s so ‘right’ - the iced mocha beside me (though more ideally it should be warm, but only if it’s snowing outside), the stripped down christmas tunes and the blenders working in the background, and all the people who come and go before me. 

like how these people are full of their own agenda tonight, mine is to write, something, from the bar table in this coffeehouse. 

 

i opened this note where i randomly jotted things i want to write about, some eventual day. 

 

- me being Virgo, and how being an organized freak and a perfectionist has affected my life in many ways.

- how i love looking out my window at wee hours when I can’t sleep, to see if there might be one other person who isn’t sleeping as well.

- those dearest gloomy days in Germany when i was on exchange last year. 

- this mum and her baby whom i always bumped into at the bus stop one year ago, when now the daughter walks like a penguin and could call out for the bus as it comes.

- my passion in volunteering, one that i thought is an ex- but recently realised might still be in me. 

 

but as I reviewed these scribblings, none of them felt like the ‘right’ topic to write about tonight.

i spent a good hour just looking out from the bar table, as if i was part of the agenda, of all the people who came and went before me. 

 

then i realised that i actually already had the topic in mind. 

something deep down. it’s something that has been troubling me today.

or rather, something that has been troubling me for a long time. 

 

frankly it’s been a very lonely and sometimes tiring journey of self-discovery. 

and in this very journey so many guys came and went before me. 

it’s no one’s fault, really, for why these guys don’t eventually stay. i mean, that’s how life is, isn’t it? 

 

but i sometimes lament how fragile and insignificant these relationships are, especially when i thought some of them could actually be so beautiful. 

even though some of these guys had to go, they all left behind something.

 

- to my first boyfriend who taught me how to kiss and whom i still secretly stalk today, you were my company when i first explored my sexual orientation; i hate you for it, but thank you more. 

- to my first gay friend who looks so dashing now without braces, you made me realise how mean i was to you and how much i took you for granted.

- to the fling whom i met at the carpark stairs near my place and never met again, you showed me how casual relationships could be, and how much i didn’t like that. 

- to the teacher who promised to tutor me for General Paper but dumped me in a school toilet during our first tuition, you warned me how disgusting and despicable some people could get.

- to the date whom i brought to a magic show that i won tickets to, you created more magical moments than the magician. 

- to my second boyfriend who was sincere and serious towards me when we were dating, you understood that i was still uncertain, to be as sincere and serious as you in our relationship. 

- to the senior in school who refused to hang out with me anymore after i rejected you time after time, you made me so sad then so determined that i don’t need a jerk like you in my life.

- to the acquaintance who first knew me on this forum then bumped into me in school, you were nice to have not exposed me and respected my choice to stay discreet.

- to my third boyfriend who still ate my ugly and tasteless sushi, you taught me that like in a heterosexual relationship, compatibility and chemistry is key.

- to the guy whom i recently knew but stopped talking to today, you had me reflect about how so many guys came and went before me, like how you just did.

 

to these ten guys and many others who went, thank you for leaving a mark in my life, however small.

to all the guys who are to come, let me thank you in advance.

 

i dun agreed that everyone would teach you something. 

maybe you r just giving excuses for some of them..

[Guest workaholix]

On 12/22/2018 at 11:15 PM, lastdraw said:

i know i should write tonight. 

everything’s so ‘right’ - the iced mocha beside me (though more ideally it should be warm, but only if it’s snowing outside), the stripped down christmas tunes and the blenders working in the background, and all the people who come and go before me. 

like how these people are full of their own agenda tonight, mine is to write, something, from the bar table in this coffeehouse. 

 

i opened this note where i randomly jotted things i want to write about, some eventual day. 

 

- me being Virgo, and how being an organized freak and a perfectionist has affected my life in many ways.

- how i love looking out my window at wee hours when I can’t sleep, to see if there might be one other person who isn’t sleeping as well.

- those dearest gloomy days in Germany when i was on exchange last year. 

- this mum and her baby whom i always bumped into at the bus stop one year ago, when now the daughter walks like a penguin and could call out for the bus as it comes.

- my passion in volunteering, one that i thought is an ex- but recently realised might still be in me. 

 

but as I reviewed these scribblings, none of them felt like the ‘right’ topic to write about tonight.

i spent a good hour just looking out from the bar table, as if i was part of the agenda, of all the people who came and went before me. 

 

then i realised that i actually already had the topic in mind. 

something deep down. it’s something that has been troubling me today.

or rather, something that has been troubling me for a long time. 

 

frankly it’s been a very lonely and sometimes tiring journey of self-discovery. 

and in this very journey so many guys came and went before me. 

it’s no one’s fault, really, for why these guys don’t eventually stay. i mean, that’s how life is, isn’t it? 

 

but i sometimes lament how fragile and insignificant these relationships are, especially when i thought some of them could actually be so beautiful. 

even though some of these guys had to go, they all left behind something.

 

- to my first boyfriend who taught me how to kiss and whom i still secretly stalk today, you were my company when i first explored my sexual orientation; i hate you for it, but thank you more. 

- to my first gay friend who looks so dashing now without braces, you made me realise how mean i was to you and how much i took you for granted.

- to the fling whom i met at the carpark stairs near my place and never met again, you showed me how casual relationships could be, and how much i didn’t like that. 

- to the teacher who promised to tutor me for General Paper but dumped me in a school toilet during our first tuition, you warned me how disgusting and despicable some people could get.

- to the date whom i brought to a magic show that i won tickets to, you created more magical moments than the magician. 

- to my second boyfriend who was sincere and serious towards me when we were dating, you understood that i was still uncertain, to be as sincere and serious as you in our relationship. 

- to the senior in school who refused to hang out with me anymore after i rejected you time after time, you made me so sad then so determined that i don’t need a jerk like you in my life.

- to the acquaintance who first knew me on this forum then bumped into me in school, you were nice to have not exposed me and respected my choice to stay discreet.

- to my third boyfriend who still ate my ugly and tasteless sushi, you taught me that like in a heterosexual relationship, compatibility and chemistry is key.

- to the guy whom i recently knew but stopped talking to today, you had me reflect about how so many guys came and went before me, like how you just did.

 

to these ten guys and many others who went, thank you for leaving a mark in my life, however small.

to all the guys who are to come, let me thank you in advance.

 

was randomly surfing the threads and came across this post - such a good read to end the working day with  

[Guest sobbingsobs]

On 9/7/2018 at 7:35 PM, lastdraw said:

im here at a bus stop by my alma-mater to meet a seller from Carousell. as I was crossing the bridge to get to the bus stop, i took notice of a smartly dressed chap looking at his phone by the railing. before i walked past him, he looked up from his phone and we exchanged eye contact. its a Friday evening, he could be waiting for a date. this date could jolly well be my junior from school.

 

i reached the bus stop when the seller messaged me and told me he would be slightly late due to the rain and a jam on the road. i found a discreet corner by the bridge to wait, overlooking the bus stop.

 

this bus stop, the bus stop at this place that i haven’t visited for a long time.

the place that created six years of beautiful memories.

 

i see the smartly dressed chap.

he’s not alone anymore, beside him is a guy - as tall as him, as smartly dressed, as young.

they look like they are really good friends, chatting and laughing while walking towards the bus stop.

 

maybe they’re a couple. a lovely couple strolling to the bus stop so they could head to their next destination on this rainy Friday evening.

maybe for a movie, maybe for a meal.

it’s that same bus stop, where i met my first date. he was 14 then, and I was 13.

he might be my senior for the next six years in school, but he was my memorable date that evening.

as cars drove on the wet road beside me, i suddenly got reminded that was a rainy evening too. a rainy Friday evening.

 

subsequently I began to date countless of guys in my school uniform.

i forgot the number of guys, and the faces to these guys whom I knew during those six years. 

my last date, and boyfriend, left me shortly after I graduated from school, right before I started to serve the army.

 

it’s been close to another six years since I left school, and ironically my date count for these six years was zero.

maybe i’m grown up now, maybe i’m more skeptical, maybe i’m more realistic, maybe i’m more delusive.

or maybe i’m stuck in the first six years, stuck in the beautiful memory of that rainy Friday evening.

 

‘’hi, did you buy something from me on Carousell?”

“oh hi.”

 

what a nice story. could totally imagine this as a movie haha. more pls! 

[Guest lastdraw]

gentle note: the following post concerns death and is purely an opinion piece; reader discretion is definitely advised and appreciated. 

 

a distant uncle of mine got very sick and was sent into ICU before the new year. 

he fought but struggled - his heart stopped beating for close to twenty minutes last wednesday.

he was later brought back to life, but his condition did not turn for the better. 

on monday, his family made the difficult decision to lift him from the misery. 

he left the world peacefully, only 53, leaving behind my aunt and their two boys. 

 

i remember my uncle as someone who is very bubbly and friendly. 

though regrettably i always only see him during chinese new year when our families come together, my memory of him has been very fond. 

for someone who is so kind-spirited, like how my elders have put it, it is a pity that he can’t be around anymore. 

 

as cliche as it may sound, life is that unfair. 

there was a period of time when a few people around me and of my age were met with unfortunate events and had passed on. 

they must have been courageous and ambitious about their future. yet, nobody including themselves knew what was coming. 

 

so many of us are selfish and foolish because we only begin to realise and learn things from others’ misfortunes, and undeniably in this post i am one such person. 

it’s not as if they want to be lessons for others. but frankly and gratefully, as they leave behind loved ones, they also leave behind important reminders in life and for life. 

if there is one thing i can genuinely thank these people for, it would be to learn how to see some things lightly and as they are. 

 

i recall sleepless nights that i would stay up rushing projects and assignments that were due the following day and subsequently forgotten the next. 

i recall being so devastated and torn when one lame random guy rejected me, as if the world had collapsed and i would never ever find happiness.

i recall harbouring pessimistic and even suicidal thoughts, when i faced obstacles or setbacks i stubbornly believed were so great that i could not walk out of. 

but in the face of death, would all these matter at all? 

if not, what would? what actually and really matters? 

 

this is not to say we should therefore lead a life where we should not care at all, nor be unbothered by anything and everything. 

but perhaps there should be some things that we should mind less, and others which we ought to value more. 

i may not know when my last day is, but i would want to be able to assure myself and my loved ones, that if sadly tomorrow had to be my last day, there would be no regrets for any of us. 

Edited January 8, 2019 by lastdraw

[Guest kayabuttertoast]

8 hours ago, lastdraw said:

gentle note: the following post concerns death and is purely an opinion piece; reader discretion is definitely advised and appreciated. 

 

a distant uncle of mine got very sick and was sent into ICU before the new year. 

he fought but struggled - his heart stopped beating for close to twenty minutes last wednesday.

he was later brought back to life, but his condition did not turn for the better. 

on monday, his family made the difficult decision to lift him from the misery. 

he left the world peacefully, only 53, leaving behind my aunt and their two boys. 

 

i remember my uncle as someone who is very bubbly and friendly. 

though regrettably i always only see him during chinese new year when our families come together, my memory of him has been very fond. 

for someone who is so kind-spirited, like how my elders have put it, it is a pity that he can’t be around anymore. 

 

as cliche as it may sound, life is that unfair. 

there was a period of time when a few people around me and of my age were met with unfortunate events and had passed on. 

they must have been courageous and ambitious about their future. yet, nobody including themselves knew what was coming. 

 

so many of us are selfish and foolish because we only begin to realise and learn things from others’ misfortunes, and undeniably in this post i am one such person. 

it’s not as if they want to be lessons for others. but frankly and gratefully, as they leave behind loved ones, they also leave behind important reminders in life and for life. 

if there is one thing i can genuinely thank these people for, it would be to learn how to see some things lightly and as they are. 

 

i recall sleepless nights that i would stay up rushing projects and assignments that were due the following day and subsequently forgotten the next. 

i recall being so devastated and torn when one lame random guy rejected me, as if the world had collapsed and i would never ever find happiness.

i recall harbouring pessimistic and even suicidal thoughts, when i faced obstacles or setbacks i stubbornly believed were so great that i could not walk out of. 

but in the face of death, would all these matter at all? 

if not, what would? what actually and really matters? 

 

this is not to say we should therefore lead a life where we should not care at all, nor be unbothered by anything and everything. 

but perhaps there should be some things that we should mind less, and others which we ought to value more. 

i may not know when my last day is, but i would want to be able to assure myself and my loved ones, that if sadly tomorrow had to be my last day, there would be no regrets for any of us. 

 

Though to be very honest this post was a little morbid for me this morning as I read it, it is definitely a timely reminder for me. 

Thanks so much for your candidness and generosity in sharing your own inner world. 

[Guest emokia]

17 hours ago, lastdraw said:

gentle note: the following post concerns death and is purely an opinion piece; reader discretion is definitely advised and appreciated. 

 

a distant uncle of mine got very sick and was sent into ICU before the new year. 

he fought but struggled - his heart stopped beating for close to twenty minutes last wednesday.

he was later brought back to life, but his condition did not turn for the better. 

on monday, his family made the difficult decision to lift him from the misery. 

he left the world peacefully, only 53, leaving behind my aunt and their two boys. 

 

i remember my uncle as someone who is very bubbly and friendly. 

though regrettably i always only see him during chinese new year when our families come together, my memory of him has been very fond. 

for someone who is so kind-spirited, like how my elders have put it, it is a pity that he can’t be around anymore. 

 

as cliche as it may sound, life is that unfair. 

there was a period of time when a few people around me and of my age were met with unfortunate events and had passed on. 

they must have been courageous and ambitious about their future. yet, nobody including themselves knew what was coming. 

 

so many of us are selfish and foolish because we only begin to realise and learn things from others’ misfortunes, and undeniably in this post i am one such person. 

it’s not as if they want to be lessons for others. but frankly and gratefully, as they leave behind loved ones, they also leave behind important reminders in life and for life. 

if there is one thing i can genuinely thank these people for, it would be to learn how to see some things lightly and as they are. 

 

i recall sleepless nights that i would stay up rushing projects and assignments that were due the following day and subsequently forgotten the next. 

i recall being so devastated and torn when one lame random guy rejected me, as if the world had collapsed and i would never ever find happiness.

i recall harbouring pessimistic and even suicidal thoughts, when i faced obstacles or setbacks i stubbornly believed were so great that i could not walk out of. 

but in the face of death, would all these matter at all? 

if not, what would? what actually and really matters? 

 

this is not to say we should therefore lead a life where we should not care at all, nor be unbothered by anything and everything. 

but perhaps there should be some things that we should mind less, and others which we ought to value more. 

i may not know when my last day is, but i would want to be able to assure myself and my loved ones, that if sadly tomorrow had to be my last day, there would be no regrets for any of us. 

 

sad but very true... 

[IkuTube]

My life is either a daring adventure or nothing.  I am not here in this lifetime to survive.  But I am here to find my freedom, to go beyond all traditional means of accessing knowledge about who am I.

 

It has come to a realization that I am here to live.  To know life in its multi dimension.  To know life in its richness.  In all its varieties.  That to make things right over all my errors in thoughts, words, deeds and action can essentially lead me to freedom.  A complete freedom from the burden of too much thinking.  Too much analyzing.  Too much analyzing can be paralyzing.

 

I am here to understand about responsibility.  To own the responsibility for anything and everything that is happening to me.

 

I am here to become conscious.  In consciousness, all that is happening around me is my creation.  They are my own doing, my own accumulation, my own acceptance.  I must own all that I think.  All that I say.  All that I act and do.

 

I am here to understand my purpose.  The works that I must complete and finish them.

 

I am here to find freedom for my journey home.  I am here to free myself from all beliefs, negativities, past energy blocks, thought forms and all kinds of stuffs that prevent me from being now, at peace in this moment.

 

I am here to make amends.  I am here to forgive myself.  I am here to love myself.  I am here to give gratitude to the one that created me.

 

I am here to explore all possibilities available.  To face my challenges.  To build my courage.

 

I am here to accept all that and not to shoot blame on others for things that are not working right for me.

 

I am here to experience and then to re-experience till I learn to learn.  It is in all collisions that I must welcome.  It is in all collisions that there will be something that shall rise to the occasion.

 

It is then that life becomes a flame.  Life blooms.  It is then that I am in complete freedom from the past.

 

 

[Steve5380]

On 1/8/2019 at 11:30 AM, lastdraw said:

gentle note: the following post concerns death and is purely an opinion piece; reader discretion is definitely advised and appreciated. 

 

a distant uncle of mine got very sick and was sent into ICU before the new year. 

he fought but struggled - his heart stopped beating for close to twenty minutes last wednesday.

he was later brought back to life, but his condition did not turn for the better. 

on monday, his family made the difficult decision to lift him from the misery. 

he left the world peacefully, only 53, leaving behind my aunt and their two boys. 

 

 

There is much to be learned from the death of persons we know, and this experience is something positive.

But there is an experience immensely more significant in the death of a person we strongly love.  This experience, which one should not wish anyone, is source to one of the strongest spiritual pains, the grieving.  The inexorable reality of such a death can lead to close to insanity, and it is what may lead to a wishful thinking in an afterlife, a big motivator of religious belief.  But as much as there is pain, there is growth.  Which makes one wonder: why growth has to come through pain?

.

Edited January 10, 2019 by Steve5380

[Steve5380]

11 hours ago, IkuTube said:

 

It is then that life becomes a flame.  Life blooms.  It is then that I am in complete freedom from the past.

 

 

You are a courageous warrior, and much good comes from that.

[calvt]

.

Edited March 25, 2023 by calvt

[Steve5380]

29 minutes ago, calvt said:

i

for i knew i was in the wrong life when i first opened my eyes.

 

 

C'mon calvt,  it cannot be so bad!

During a lifetime, we should have some power to change things,

and for us gays there has never been a better time to be born as now.

Imagine you had been born as a cockroach, or as a little fish in a fish bowl!

 

It is never too late to remake our childhood  (in our mind, which is where it exists)

.

Edited January 11, 2019 by Steve5380

[blowmenow]

On 9/7/2018 at 7:35 PM, lastdraw said:

im here at a bus stop by my alma-mater to meet a seller from Carousell. as I was crossing the bridge to get to the bus stop, i took notice of a smartly dressed chap looking at his phone by the railing. before i walked past him, he looked up from his phone and we exchanged eye contact. its a Friday evening, he could be waiting for a date. this date could jolly well be my junior from school.

 

i reached the bus stop when the seller messaged me and told me he would be slightly late due to the rain and a jam on the road. i found a discreet corner by the bridge to wait, overlooking the bus stop.

 

this bus stop, the bus stop at this place that i haven’t visited for a long time.

the place that created six years of beautiful memories.

 

i see the smartly dressed chap.

he’s not alone anymore, beside him is a guy - as tall as him, as smartly dressed, as young.

they look like they are really good friends, chatting and laughing while walking towards the bus stop.

 

maybe they’re a couple. a lovely couple strolling to the bus stop so they could head to their next destination on this rainy Friday evening.

maybe for a movie, maybe for a meal.

it’s that same bus stop, where i met my first date. he was 14 then, and I was 13.

he might be my senior for the next six years in school, but he was my memorable date that evening.

as cars drove on the wet road beside me, i suddenly got reminded that was a rainy evening too. a rainy Friday evening.

 

subsequently I began to date countless of guys in my school uniform.

i forgot the number of guys, and the faces to these guys whom I knew during those six years. 

my last date, and boyfriend, left me shortly after I graduated from school, right before I started to serve the army.

 

it’s been close to another six years since I left school, and ironically my date count for these six years was zero.

maybe i’m grown up now, maybe i’m more skeptical, maybe i’m more realistic, maybe i’m more delusive.

or maybe i’m stuck in the first six years, stuck in the beautiful memory of that rainy Friday evening.

 

‘’hi, did you buy something from me on Carousell?”

“oh hi.”

really a good one... thank you for making my day

[calvt]

- smiles -

 

can i sit here?

oh sure, no one is using that seat.

 

thank you. very hard to find a seat here!

no problem. that looks nice, the laksa you're having.  *smiles*

 

thank you. *smiles* i always wanted to try this but haven't had a chance. *smiles*

you local right? how come you sound a bit foreigner. *smiles*

 

yes i am singaporean but i am based overseas. haven't been back this few years. *smiles*

*smiles* icic. interesting. enjoy your laksa. but i think it's better at the actual store in katong.

 

oh ok. too bad i don't have time to go there. *smiles*

ok i'm done. nice to meet you!

 

*smiles*

 

Edited January 12, 2019 by calvt

[Guest lastdraw]

disclaimer - this is partly a fictional piece so don't so serious hor

 

two nights ago, i met a guy at the bar.

it has been a long time since I met someone new, so i was initially very shy and trying very hard not to be too awkward. 

i was secretly glad we met over drinks, because after a few glasses i was opening up, and our exchanges became more natural. 

 

my first impression of you is a warm fuzzy guy, and when i was on the way home that night i still remember you as the warm fuzzy guy. 

you initiated most of our talks, and even made some dirty jokes which i shall take it as your way of breaking ice la hor. 

when our mutual friend left from time to time, you would shift to the empty seat in between us, just so we could hear each other better. 

you stopped me by my chest just so i could sit down beside you and talk, instead of exploring the bar. 

 

you asked for my ideal type of guy. i think i gave a really crappy answer. 

might be a little too drunk, or just too overwhelmed for not expecting the question. 

you then chuckled and asked me if you are my type. 

i forgot what i gave as my answer, but now i would love to say you're a nice guy. 

 

we met so many of your friends, who are happily attached and visited the bar with their other half. 

two of them wore couple tees, while the other two kissed affectionately in front of us. 

you told me about your boyfriends, crushes and eye candy in the bar, but also lamented on how you miss being attached. 

 

two nights ago, i met you at the bar. 

you left with our mutual friend on a cab, and i took another one because goddamnit i don't stay near you two. 

and you know what's even more goddamnit? 

i forgot to ask you for your number. 

 

then i recalled you trying to take my phone away from me sneakily when we were at the bar. 

my instinctive response was to snatch it over immediately because who knows you might be a thief.

but if only i have let you take my phone so there could be this slight puny minute chance you left your number in it,

i wouldn't be searching high and low the piece of me you've already stolen that night. 

Edited February 10, 2019 by lastdraw

[Guest notalcoholic]

20 hours ago, lastdraw said:

disclaimer - this is partly a fictional piece so don't so serious hor

 

two nights ago, i met a guy at the bar.

it has been a long time since I met someone new, so i was initially very shy and trying very hard not to be too awkward. 

i was secretly glad we met over drinks, because after a few glasses i was opening up, and our exchanges became more natural. 

 

my first impression of you is a warm fuzzy guy, and when i was on the way home that night i still remember you as the warm fuzzy guy. 

you initiated most of our talks, and even made some dirty jokes which i shall take it as your way of breaking ice la hor. 

when our mutual friend left from time to time, you would shift to the empty seat in between us, just so we could hear each other better. 

you stopped me by my chest just so i could sit down beside you and talk, instead of exploring the bar. 

 

you asked for my ideal type of guy. i think i gave a really crappy answer. 

might be a little too drunk, or just too overwhelmed for not expecting the question. 

you then chuckled and asked me if you are my type. 

i forgot what i gave as my answer, but now i would love to say you're a nice guy. 

 

we met so many of your friends, who are happily attached and visited the bar with their other half. 

two of them wore couple tees, while the other two kissed affectionately in front of us. 

you told me about your boyfriends, crushes and eye candy in the bar, but also lamented on how you miss being attached. 

 

two nights ago, i met you at the bar. 

you left with our mutual friend on a cab, and i took another one because goddamnit i don't stay near you two. 

and you know what's even more goddamnit? 

i forgot to ask you for your number. 

 

then i recalled you trying to take my phone away from me sneakily when we were at the bar. 

my instinctive response was to snatch it over immediately because who knows you might be a thief.

but if only i have let you take my phone so there could be this slight puny minute chance you left your number in it,

i wouldn't be searching high and low the piece of me you've already stolen that night. 

 

I met my boyfriend through a mutual friend, also at a bar. All the best to you, buddy!
Also, always have enjoyed your read, kudos!!

[Guest lastdraw]

On 2/11/2019 at 12:10 AM, lastdraw said:

disclaimer - this is partly a fictional piece so don't so serious hor

 

two nights ago, i met a guy at the bar.

it has been a long time since I met someone new, so i was initially very shy and trying very hard not to be too awkward. 

i was secretly glad we met over drinks, because after a few glasses i was opening up, and our exchanges became more natural. 

 

my first impression of you is a warm fuzzy guy, and when i was on the way home that night i still remember you as the warm fuzzy guy. 

you initiated most of our talks, and even made some dirty jokes which i shall take it as your way of breaking ice la hor. 

when our mutual friend left from time to time, you would shift to the empty seat in between us, just so we could hear each other better. 

you stopped me by my chest just so i could sit down beside you and talk, instead of exploring the bar. 

 

you asked for my ideal type of guy. i think i gave a really crappy answer. 

might be a little too drunk, or just too overwhelmed for not expecting the question. 

you then chuckled and asked me if you are my type. 

i forgot what i gave as my answer, but now i would love to say you're a nice guy. 

 

we met so many of your friends, who are happily attached and visited the bar with their other half. 

two of them wore couple tees, while the other two kissed affectionately in front of us. 

you told me about your boyfriends, crushes and eye candy in the bar, but also lamented on how you miss being attached. 

 

two nights ago, i met you at the bar. 

you left with our mutual friend on a cab, and i took another one because goddamnit i don't stay near you two. 

and you know what's even more goddamnit? 

i forgot to ask you for your number. 

 

then i recalled you trying to take my phone away from me sneakily when we were at the bar. 

my instinctive response was to snatch it over immediately because who knows you might be a thief.

but if only i have let you take my phone so there could be this slight puny minute chance you left your number in it,

i wouldn't be searching high and low the piece of me you've already stolen that night. 

 

turns out i thought too much. 

what a stupid boy.

[Guest sayang]

2 hours ago, lastdraw said:

 

turns out i thought too much. 

what a stupid boy.

 

Boy, love is a game after all. 

You lose once you become serious. 

[Guest valentino]

On 2/11/2019 at 12:10 AM, lastdraw said:

disclaimer - this is partly a fictional piece so don't so serious hor

 

two nights ago, i met a guy at the bar.

it has been a long time since I met someone new, so i was initially very shy and trying very hard not to be too awkward. 

i was secretly glad we met over drinks, because after a few glasses i was opening up, and our exchanges became more natural. 

 

my first impression of you is a warm fuzzy guy, and when i was on the way home that night i still remember you as the warm fuzzy guy. 

you initiated most of our talks, and even made some dirty jokes which i shall take it as your way of breaking ice la hor. 

when our mutual friend left from time to time, you would shift to the empty seat in between us, just so we could hear each other better. 

you stopped me by my chest just so i could sit down beside you and talk, instead of exploring the bar. 

 

you asked for my ideal type of guy. i think i gave a really crappy answer. 

might be a little too drunk, or just too overwhelmed for not expecting the question. 

you then chuckled and asked me if you are my type. 

i forgot what i gave as my answer, but now i would love to say you're a nice guy. 

 

we met so many of your friends, who are happily attached and visited the bar with their other half. 

two of them wore couple tees, while the other two kissed affectionately in front of us. 

you told me about your boyfriends, crushes and eye candy in the bar, but also lamented on how you miss being attached. 

 

two nights ago, i met you at the bar. 

you left with our mutual friend on a cab, and i took another one because goddamnit i don't stay near you two. 

and you know what's even more goddamnit? 

i forgot to ask you for your number. 

 

then i recalled you trying to take my phone away from me sneakily when we were at the bar. 

my instinctive response was to snatch it over immediately because who knows you might be a thief.

but if only i have let you take my phone so there could be this slight puny minute chance you left your number in it,

i wouldn't be searching high and low the piece of me you've already stolen that night. 

 

Your post has to remind me it's goddamnit Valentine's Day tomorrow

 

[Guest lastdraw]

从前初视这世间 万般流连

看着天边似在眼前 也甘愿赴汤蹈火去走它一遍

 

如今走过这世间 万般流连

翻过岁月不同侧脸 还是 措不及防闯入你的笑颜

Edited February 21, 2019 by lastdraw

[Guest lastdraw]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aHNsuYHlMQM

 

追逐眼前 不断消失的背影

我触不到的距离

毫无保留 以为就能感动你

原来 差距像天地

 

我喜欢你 也喜欢我的机率

误差会有几厘米

爱不是谁够努力 就值得被珍惜

可我 总学不会放弃

 

我是真的想 一辈子 赖在你身旁

可是你的步伐 快到我 已经追不上

倘若是我 拖累你翱翔

愿从你‭ ‬生命彻底被遗忘

 

我是真的想 独占你 不跟谁分享

可是我真的傻 才害你 黯淡了光芒

别担心我 是我不够好

你要找到比我 更爱你的人 爱你

 

她走向你 天造地设的美景

让我寂寞到透明

用尽全力喜欢你 越是弄疼爱情

真心 祝福你能幸福

 

我是真的想 一辈子 赖在你身旁

可是你的步伐 快到我 已经追不上

倘若是我 拖累你翱翔

愿从你‭ ‬生命彻底被遗忘

 

我是真的想 独占你 不跟谁分享

可是我真的傻 才害你 黯淡了光芒

感谢是你 美好了回忆

你要找到比我‭ ‬更爱你的人 爱你

 

我喜欢你 也喜欢我的机率

误差会有几厘米 ‭ 

Edited February 23, 2019 by lastdraw

[Guest lastdraw]

i just watched a Taiwanese romance film titled ‘Fall in Love at First Kiss’. 

 

its a story about how the female lead chases, repeatedly and endlessly, after the male lead whom she is so mesmerised and obsessed with. when the male lead continues to be so mean and cruel and heartless and unfeeling towards the poor female lead, i seriously thought the female lead should just faking dump him, because shes losing so badly. 

 

then again, who said a relationship is ever fair game? 

 

the dynamics between my parents is pretty interesting - my mum is always the stubborn one, while my dad accommodates. lately they havent been in good terms; this very dynamics seems to be rocking the boat a little. yet, every time my mum begins to rant, my dad still chooses to keep silent. 

 

if you ask the female lead, or my dad, if they ever felt they are on the losing end of their relationship, im pretty sure they would say no.

they are willing to lose all, but the very relationship. 

 

how tough is the game of love, when one plays triumph too much, and the other does everything just so the game doesn’t fold? 

Edited February 26, 2019 by lastdraw

[Guest Alone 4eva]

19 hours ago, lastdraw said:

i just watched a Taiwanese romance film titled ‘Fall in Love at First Kiss’. 

 

its a story about how the female lead chases, repeatedly and endlessly, after the male lead whom she is so mesmerised and obsessed with. when the male lead continues to be so mean and cruel and heartless and unfeeling towards the poor female lead, i seriously thought the female lead should just faking dump him, because shes losing so badly. 

 

then again, who said a relationship is ever fair game? 

 

the dynamics between my parents is pretty interesting - my mum is always the stubborn one, while my dad accommodates. lately they havent been in good terms; this very dynamics seems to be rocking the boat a little. yet, every time my mum begins to rant, my dad still chooses to keep silent. 

 

if you ask the female lead, or my dad, if they ever felt they are on the losing end of their relationship, im pretty sure they would say no.

they are willing to lose all, but the very relationship. 

 

how tough is the game of love, when one plays triumph too much, and the other does everything just so the game doesn’t fold? 

 

That is why sometimes I would rather stay single forever. You treat yourself the best. 

[Guest oreocheesecake]

On 2/27/2019 at 12:36 AM, lastdraw said:

i just watched a Taiwanese romance film titled ‘Fall in Love at First Kiss’. 

 

its a story about how the female lead chases, repeatedly and endlessly, after the male lead whom she is so mesmerised and obsessed with. when the male lead continues to be so mean and cruel and heartless and unfeeling towards the poor female lead, i seriously thought the female lead should just faking dump him, because shes losing so badly. 

 

then again, who said a relationship is ever fair game? 

 

the dynamics between my parents is pretty interesting - my mum is always the stubborn one, while my dad accommodates. lately they havent been in good terms; this very dynamics seems to be rocking the boat a little. yet, every time my mum begins to rant, my dad still chooses to keep silent. 

 

if you ask the female lead, or my dad, if they ever felt they are on the losing end of their relationship, im pretty sure they would say no.

they are willing to lose all, but the very relationship. 

 

how tough is the game of love, when one plays triumph too much, and the other does everything just so the game doesn’t fold? 

 

Happened to come across this particular entry and many others of yours @lastdraw
I must say I really enjoy your writing. Had been good company over coffee this afternoon. 

 

Thanks!

[Guest lastdraw]

*me - so are these side dishes authentic Korean? 

*Korean girl - most of them... but the taste is nowhere near

*me - this seaweed is yummy though, but i don’t remember seeing seaweed when i was in Korea 

*pretty girl - ya i remember there was a lot of kimchi, and rice cakes, and this soup 

*obedient girl - i want to go to korea too

*me - maybe grad trip? 

 

*pretty girl (to chillax guy) - speaking of graduation, are you ready for your next phase? 

*chillax guy - huh? what you mean? 

*pretty girl - when are you going to propose? 

*chillax guy - wa not this again... (pulls hair) 

*obedient girl - eh i thought you two got BTO already

*Korean girl - what’s BTO? 

*me - basically two of them already got a new flat

*Korean girl - wa then what are you waiting for? 

*chillax guy - i don’t even have a job... wedding very expensive one leh, my rich friend got his girlfriend a $50,000 ring 

*pretty girl - oh my god so impractical 

*obedient girl - actually do you also feel stressed? 

*pretty girl (who is also attached) - me? no la, usually the guy is more stressed

*Korean girl - cos the girl would expect more?  

*chillax guy - ya lor. nice wedding gown, big diamond ring, pretty wedding place... wa fuck, there’s also honeymoon

*pretty girl - oh ya hahaha don’t stress don’t stress 

*obedient girl - what if she propose first?

*Korean girl - hahaha

*chillax guy - wont right...

*pretty girl - you have to up your game la dude, but don’t worry i am always here to help you

 

i was listening, nodding and smiling

 

the seaweed was really yummy

Edited March 10, 2019 by lastdraw

[Guest qwerty]

23 hours ago, lastdraw said:

*me - so are these side dishes authentic Korean? 

*Korean girl - most of them... but the taste is nowhere near

*me - this seaweed is yummy though, but i don’t remember seeing seaweed when i was in Korea 

*pretty girl - ya i remember there was a lot of kimchi, and rice cakes, and this soup 

*obedient girl - i want to go to korea too

*me - maybe grad trip? 

 

*pretty girl (to chillax guy) - speaking of graduation, are you ready for your next phase? 

*chillax guy - huh? what you mean? 

*pretty girl - when are you going to propose? 

*chillax guy - wa not this again... (pulls hair) 

*obedient girl - eh i thought you two got BTO already

*Korean girl - what’s BTO? 

*me - basically two of them already got a new flat

*Korean girl - wa then what are you waiting for? 

*chillax guy - i don’t even have a job... wedding very expensive one leh, my rich friend got his girlfriend a $50,000 ring 

*pretty girl - oh my god so impractical 

*obedient girl - actually do you also feel stressed? 

*pretty girl (who is also attached) - me? no la, usually the guy is more stressed

*Korean girl - cos the girl would expect more?  

*chillax guy - ya lor. nice wedding gown, big diamond ring, pretty wedding place... wa fuck, there’s also honeymoon

*pretty girl - oh ya hahaha don’t stress don’t stress 

*obedient girl - what if she propose first?

*Korean girl - hahaha

*chillax guy - wont right...

*pretty girl - you have to up your game la dude, but don’t worry i am always here to help you

 

i was listening, nodding and smiling

 

the seaweed was really yummy

 

You get more of this as you grow older.. 

[Guest lastdraw]

apart from watching people receive their loved ones at the arrival gate of the airport,

i recently found out that i also enjoy looking upon kids bid goodbye to their family outside the school gate

it never fails to make me a little happier despite having to wake up at an unearthly hour to get to school for a 8am class

 

there are always so many kinds of goodbye 

the kid who would jump off the bike, grab his bag from his grandfather and wave goodbye; 

the kid who would stop at the bus stop to take her bag from her mother, say goodbye and leap to the school gate; 

the kid who would say goodbye, walk a few steps, turn and shout goodbye, walk a few steps, turn and scream goodbye;

the kid who would kiss goodbye, walk a few steps, turn and kiss goodbye, walk a few steps, turn and kiss goodbye; 

and of course the kid who would fumble his way out of the car and forget his goodbye

 

the reason why i like watching them, and the scenes at the arrival gate of the airport? 

i guess it’s the bond between people 

the bond that’s there when one leaves, and that’s still there when one returns

Edited March 17, 2019 by lastdraw

[Guest lastdraw]

i was going to start on my research for a project when out of curiosity i peeped over at the computer of the guy sitting beside me on the same couch 

 

he was editing a photo, a guy posing in front of the eiffel tower

then it was a group of people just laughing, against an unfocused background

then it was a man sitting at the corner of the entrance to a hindu temple

 

at each photo he seemed to stop and watch for a good long time, before making fast clicks all over the photo

switching panels

dragging bars

pressing keys 

 

every edit produced a slightly different version of the previous photo 

the contrast changed, or was it the brightness?

but the subject did not, the story remained, so did the soul

[Garyl]

..

Edited March 31, 2019 by Garyl
Explanations

[Guest lastdraw]

5 hours ago, Garyl said:

Saying what?

Interesting meh?

 

haha

thanks for reading nevertheless! 

[shyc]

As we advance in life, in technologies, in social media and everything else, in many aspect we fail in human nature. I sometime feel my lesser educated forefathers have better personality and characters.

 

I remembered going to office happily once. One colleague asked about my happiness and I mentioned that I came across 2 yellow butterflies fluttering as I crossed the overhead bridge. I stood there watching them for a while. Anther colleague who over heard us said I was crazy. Yet a third person came to my defence saying I m a rare few who still carry a handkerchief which would explain the kind of person I Am. Bottomline, one simple act bring happiness to one person but evoke different feelings for those who cannot relate. Nevertheless comments are contain within that enclosed space, among those closely knitted circle of people. It is better to be mindful that in today's context, that enclosed space had broaden extremely and the circle of people grew larger too. With such vast increase, it is inevitable to get differences. Only with respect can we co-exist harmoniously. 

[Guest dude]

On 3/30/2019 at 4:29 AM, Garyl said:

Saying what? - eg. "

....eiffel tower ???

then it was... "

"

"Background.. then"

 

Interesting meh? -the motivation for writing that scene.."but the subject did not, the story remained, so did the soul..."  think can be better..

 

Wow, are you giving advice on how to write?

you can't even piece 2 coherent words together.... dude

keep those emojis coming though, i understand them better.

[Guest dude]

I am at this point, an empty soul

jobless, insecure and lonely

straggling through my days in a slow haze of wandering thoughts

eased by a surplus of coffee and internet

where do i go from here

what do i really want in life

am i waiting for a sign from the god(s)

or do i reach out to my fellow humans

in the meantime, how about another round of mildly depressing sex with an anonymous person

[Garyl]

10 hours ago, lastdraw said:

 

haha ...ving in  

nvr bro, just delete away the reply if wish.

I deleted away my earlier posts.. 

Not really my business to critique your writing too .. Write anything you want, wont comment anymore. .. 

Cheers. 

Edited March 31, 2019 by Garyl

[Guest lastdraw]

8 hours ago, Guest dude said:

I am at this point, an empty soul

jobless, insecure and lonely

straggling through my days in a slow haze of wandering thoughts

eased by a surplus of coffee and internet

where do i go from here

what do i really want in life

am i waiting for a sign from the god(s)

or do i reach out to my fellow humans

in the meantime, how about another round of mildly depressing sex with an anonymous person

 

hey there dude, please take care yeah

we all have our low points, and i really hope you get out of yours soon and bounce back up 

just want you to know that it's ok to feel what you're having at this moment 

take your time, things will only get better