Guest Guest Posted September 30, 2018 Report Share Posted September 30, 2018 I am now in my mid 40s and I started my gay journey rather late due to parental pressure. Now that I am already finally out of my family obligations due to natural courses of events, I am sadly at an age where it is difficult for me to get hard already. However, i am still keen to explore more sexual activities. I have tried viagra and even poppers, but the effect never last. I even went to a sauna but I cannot even get a hard on without poppers, for which the effects may last only a few minutes. Most of the hookups I had the wrong impression that I am very experienced in gay sex due to my age, but I may not even have more sex than that of a 20 year old. What's the best solution for me now to get more sexual experience? Even though I am not of model material, I am still relatively fit and good looking. But my lack of sexual experience matters to people whom I want to get to know better in this time and age. Sex in this time and age is for real and necessary. What should I do? Look for a FB? Pay for sex? Go sauna? Look for a boyfriend one after another who will find out the disappointed way that I am not good in sex? What're the thoughts of the people here? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kimochi Posted September 30, 2018 Report Share Posted September 30, 2018 Sauna ~ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
navyblue Posted September 30, 2018 Report Share Posted September 30, 2018 40s is the new 30s! I am puzzled. Since you seldom have sex, why can't you have a hardon easily or sustain it for a longer time? Are you jerking off too much? Or are you having too much stress? If you are relatively fit as you have claimed, you should be healthy enough to have a hardon. My suggestion is to jerk off less if you are doing it too often and lead a healthy lifestyle by eating proper food, doing excercises regularly, staying happy and having enough rest. Poppers and Viagra are NOT the solutions. And you may become more dependent on them as you age. By the way, have you considered being a btm? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xiandarkthorne Posted September 30, 2018 Report Share Posted September 30, 2018 (edited) First of all, join as a member so that those of us with experience can pm you. Talking about things like that on an open forum will just bring out the trolls and your honest questions will soon degenerate into a messy exchange of snide comments. Edited September 30, 2018 by xiandarkthorne Yas1950 1 Quote Old and experienced but always ready for naughty fun! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snowball Posted September 30, 2018 Report Share Posted September 30, 2018 from my view, you may lack of sex experience, but is that make you a loser? at your age, you should find someone sincere and settle down, do you think that full of causal sex make your life fruitful? you may cannot stay hard for long, but love relationship is more than just sex, if you cannot get hard on for long then go for long foreplay, only you yourself know what's make you happy, good luck. max001 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest Posted September 30, 2018 Report Share Posted September 30, 2018 52 minutes ago, navyblue said: 40s is the new 30s! I am puzzled. Since you seldom have sex, why can't you have a hardon easily or sustain it for a longer time? Are you jerking off too much? Or are you having too much stress? If you are relatively fit as you have claimed, you should be healthy enough to have a hardon. My suggestion is to jerk off less if you are doing it too often and lead a healthy lifestyle by eating proper food, doing excercises regularly, staying happy and having enough rest. Poppers and Viagra are NOT the solutions. And you may become more dependent on them as you age. By the way, have you considered being a btm? I dunno why I am not getting a hard on so easily nowadays. I guess I dun get turned on so much now? I do masturbate somewhat since that is my main source of relief till recently. But I dun think it is to the extent that it will affect anything. As for bottoming, even the tops would like to see their bottoms having a nice hard on. I have bottomed and the first time was so good that I shot a load while he was topping me. But subsequently after a few times, I dun seems to get turned on that easily anymore. I think I have bottomed less than 10 times in my entire life. 45 minutes ago, snowball said: from my view, you may lack of sex experience, but is that make you a loser? at your age, you should find someone sincere and settle down, do you think that full of causal sex make your life fruitful? you may cannot stay hard for long, but love relationship is more than just sex, if you cannot get hard on for long then go for long foreplay, only you yourself know what's make you happy, good luck. What you said is ideally true. But love without sex is almost like a human body without a limb. It can still go on, but never complete. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
navyblue Posted September 30, 2018 Report Share Posted September 30, 2018 5 hours ago, Guest Guest said: I dunno why I am not getting a hard on so easily nowadays. I guess I dun get turned on so much now? I do masturbate somewhat since that is my main source of relief till recently. But I dun think it is to the extent that it will affect anything. As for bottoming, even the tops would like to see their bottoms having a nice hard on. I have bottomed and the first time was so good that I shot a load while he was topping me. But subsequently after a few times, I dun seems to get turned on that easily anymore. I think I have bottomed less than 10 times in my entire life. Try staying away from anything sexual for a period of time to get your horniness back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Steve5380 Posted September 30, 2018 Report Share Posted September 30, 2018 7 hours ago, Guest Guest said: I am now in my mid 40s and I started my gay journey rather late due to parental pressure. Now that I am already finally out of my family obligations due to natural courses of events, I am sadly at an age where it is difficult for me to get hard already. However, i am still keen to explore more sexual activities. I have tried viagra and even poppers, but the effect never last. I even went to a sauna but I cannot even get a hard on without poppers, for which the effects may last only a few minutes. Most of the hookups I had the wrong impression that I am very experienced in gay sex due to my age, but I may not even have more sex than that of a 20 year old. What's the best solution for me now to get more sexual experience? Even though I am not of model material, I am still relatively fit and good looking. But my lack of sexual experience matters to people whom I want to get to know better in this time and age. Sex in this time and age is for real and necessary. What should I do? Look for a FB? Pay for sex? Go sauna? Look for a boyfriend one after another who will find out the disappointed way that I am not good in sex? What're the thoughts of the people here? I may have some experience that can help. First, I would recommend that you become a member and have an alias. it does not cost anything, your privacy is not compromised, and you have an IDENTITY here that can be traced. Plus you can approve the posts you like, you can exchange private messages with other members, etc. I was about 50 y.o when I divorced, and then I was free to explore the gay scene. So I am an even later-comer. I haven't had erection problems until my 60s, and they were never severe. I don't like anal sex, always as a top, so some loss of erection hardness has not been a problem. Even now in my 70s I can get it up and use it. I find full satisfaction with oral sex and everything less than that. In your mid 40s you are still a young man, still far from middle-age. It is too early for you to have serious erection problems, and, since you are fit, it may be practical to consult with a serious doctor that handles erectile dysfunction, like an urologist or endocrinologist to make sure that there is not some circulatory or hormonal issue that may affect you, probably with a simple solution. In my 60s I got some minor help from Viagra, Levitra, Cialis, but the benefit of these started to decrease to the point that now I don't use anything. I would stay away from more drastic measures like injections in the organ and... any pump that an urologist may try to sell you! There are ways you can improve your libido, if this is a limiting factor. Reduction of stress, sufficient sleep, and... a healthy and fertile imagination full of fantasies. Porn helps, although it can get old soon. What is now my biggest turn on is an interest in erotic writing. Whatever fantasies can turn one on, young, old , slim, muscular, individual, pairs, groups, boys, girls, boys with girls, all this gets more exciting the more one writes about and polishes, enhances the stories for maximum eroticism. My real sex episodes are now less frequent, but I get in three or four orgasms a week without trying too hard, just by writing my stories and reading them in bed on my tablet. I like to think also that erotic fantasies are a form of enhancing our experience. I find that even with little actual sex with others, when the opportunity arises I get compliments from my sex partners over my kissing, caressing, sucking, etc. etc. without any anal sex in the mix. And I like to think: someone starting with abundant sex in his 20s, what more can he do than fucking? And if he is good at anal sex, will he explore anything "less" than that? So when he is in his 70s like me, will he be able to do as well? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Steve5380 Posted September 30, 2018 Report Share Posted September 30, 2018 GuestGuest, before I forget, there are some things you can try too. Saunas, like Kimochi recommended, are good places to have sex and gain experience. They are also hit-and-miss. If you have the means, a trip to Bangkok to explore its saunas and with a supply of dollars for money boys can provide much experience in a short time. For information, you may look into the forum gaythailand.com that is full of older sex tourists and expats who know their way around. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
auri Posted October 1, 2018 Report Share Posted October 1, 2018 I wonder whether there is a psychological component to your erectile issue? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LeanMature Posted October 1, 2018 Report Share Posted October 1, 2018 You probably have low sex drive due to the constant suppression and parental pressure in your younger years. Not your fault really, there are people in self denial until very late in life, there are people in their 40s who are still virgin. (Not referring to you). As for gaining experience, it is nothing but practice make perfect. Watching porno while jerking off helps. NeverAsk 1 Quote Don't read and response to guests' post Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YELLOW BIRD Posted October 1, 2018 Report Share Posted October 1, 2018 15 hours ago, Guest Guest said: I am now in my mid 40s and I started my gay journey rather late due to parental pressure. Now that I am already finally out of my family obligations due to natural courses of events, I am sadly at an age where it is difficult for me to get hard already. However, i am still keen to explore more sexual activities. I have tried viagra and even poppers, but the effect never last. I even went to a sauna but I cannot even get a hard on without poppers, for which the effects may last only a few minutes. Most of the hookups I had the wrong impression that I am very experienced in gay sex due to my age, but I may not even have more sex than that of a 20 year old. What's the best solution for me now to get more sexual experience? Even though I am not of model material, I am still relatively fit and good looking. But my lack of sexual experience matters to people whom I want to get to know better in this time and age. Sex in this time and age is for real and necessary. What should I do? Look for a FB? Pay for sex? Go sauna? Look for a boyfriend one after another who will find out the disappointed way that I am not good in sex? What're the thoughts of the people here? Since you are only mid 40s, relatively fit and good looking, you should have no difficulties getting 'free services' here. Post your photo here and your inbox will be flooded with request within hours. Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lad2 Posted October 1, 2018 Report Share Posted October 1, 2018 17 hours ago, snowball said: from my view, you may lack of sex experience, but is that make you a loser? at your age, you should find someone sincere and settle down, do you think that full of causal sex make your life fruitful? you may cannot stay hard for long, but love relationship is more than just sex, if you cannot get hard on for long then go for long foreplay, only you yourself know what's make you happy, good luck. Best reply. Love this! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest stamina Posted October 1, 2018 Report Share Posted October 1, 2018 better to a medical check up. Maybe you got high blood pressure or diabetes. In fact, in my 40s (still ongoing) I was at my best and can maintain stamina for very long. Many young guys have admiration to me. but this doesn't help you. Sure, with a very hot young guy I can come faster, but I always try to control to satisfy the boy. Maybe you start with some sport regime. Don't overdo. light jogging and badminton leisure play. Just start easy. Swimming is always good for a start too and at public pools might find some reasons to get hard too. Don't think so much what others say. If a guy says something bad to me or something un-reflected, then at the end he will suffer more, because I won't make him happy. We are not the same every day, some younger guys can say: "Oh you can't get very hard". For sure it won't help. The good guys would just keep quiet or help to make you get very hard. Building up some physical stamina should be a good start. But I would not miss to go for a medical check up. Could always have a different cause. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aaronn Posted October 1, 2018 Report Share Posted October 1, 2018 Does HD porn makes u hard? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tyan Posted October 1, 2018 Report Share Posted October 1, 2018 @Guest guest there is no need or eager to sex. U might have already been under suppression for too long and suddenly break free and wanna roam. I will suggest u to take it easy. Take a step back and plan ur life. Do something valuable in life. Until u have mentally settled down and u will see that ur sexual urge will come back (assuming u never had any sexual problem before). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yoyo74 Posted October 1, 2018 Report Share Posted October 1, 2018 I also nearing mid 40s but dont have any hard on problems so i guess its not this age range problem. Its best that you go see doctor about it. As for looking for a boyfriend or a relationship, you can look for guys that dont have so high sex drive. There are several people like me that dont even do anal sex and i avoid oral sex too. To me i am contended to just touch and cuddle with guys i like. Hoping to stay together with guys i like in the future. I had never crave for those sex stuff. Those fun foreplay is good enough for me to enjoy with guys i like. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Blank Posted October 1, 2018 Report Share Posted October 1, 2018 Is fine if you're bottom. Top needs to stay hard only Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlexMaxx Posted October 3, 2018 Report Share Posted October 3, 2018 Try to be more adventurous, I think it helps -) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest Posted October 3, 2018 Report Share Posted October 3, 2018 On 10/1/2018 at 8:25 PM, Aaronn said: Does HD porn makes u hard? Yes, it does. On 10/1/2018 at 11:37 PM, Guest Blank said: Is fine if you're bottom. Top needs to stay hard only It was enjoyable the first time. But subsequently, I don't seem to enjoy it anymore, even to the extent that I find it painful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
suckmegood Posted October 4, 2018 Report Share Posted October 4, 2018 On 10/1/2018 at 9:25 PM, Aaronn said: Does HD porn makes u hard? what’s HD porn? porn in high definition? mate69 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest Posted October 4, 2018 Report Share Posted October 4, 2018 Seriously, just mid 40 and you cannot get a hardon already??? Please see a doctor. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aaronn Posted October 4, 2018 Report Share Posted October 4, 2018 10 hours ago, suckmegood said: what’s HD porn? porn in high definition? Yes high definition. Hahaha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yas1950 Posted October 6, 2018 Report Share Posted October 6, 2018 (edited) On 9/30/2018 at 10:17 PM, Guest Guest said: I am now in my mid 40s and I started my gay journey rather late due to parental pressure. Now that I am already finally out of my family obligations due to natural courses of events, I am sadly at an age where it is difficult for me to get hard already. However, i am still keen to explore more sexual activities. I have tried viagra and even poppers, but the effect never last. I even went to a sauna but I cannot even get a hard on without poppers, for which the effects may last only a few minutes. Most of the hookups I had the wrong impression that I am very experienced in gay sex due to my age, but I may not even have more sex than that of a 20 year old. What's the best solution for me now to get more sexual experience? Even though I am not of model material, I am still relatively fit and good looking. But my lack of sexual experience matters to people whom I want to get to know better in this time and age. Sex in this time and age is for real and necessary. What should I do? Look for a FB? Pay for sex? Go sauna? Look for a boyfriend one after another who will find out the disappointed way that I am not good in sex? What're the thoughts of the people here? Rspecfully, my first advice to you is not to dwell on this subject as a guest. Be a little bolder and post your questions or start a thread with a proper ID. Even if you post under a pseudonym its ok but not as an anonymous guest.. My next piece of advice is go see a specialist for urology Donno if Dr Peter Lim is still at Changi Hospital's Urology Unit? You can check. Good luck with your search and good luck with your sex life. Thank you!!! Edited October 6, 2018 by Yas1950 To expand on my answer Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ironrod Posted October 8, 2018 Report Share Posted October 8, 2018 I know u are looking for sex advice and many have provided you that. I just want to say, most of us in our 40s usually starts to build meaningful r/s or too jaded and gave up on r/s. Sex is the last thing you should be worrying because like i told a few friends before with enough love - sex comes naturally. Those who never experience love or too jaded will advice you to go sauna, do quickie etc to me you should learn how to properly connect with ppl and build a proper r/s and experience true love. You already wasted so much of your life to "fear", I hope you able to find somebody before the sunsets. Trust me, finding sex is easy. Giving yourself wholeheartedly to somebody may only happen once. NeverAsk and Red_martian 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beefycub Posted October 9, 2018 Report Share Posted October 9, 2018 Never too old to try anything I say Sex should be enjoyable to say the least, so maybe sex is not what you are looking for after all. Or you just haven't met the right partner to make it pleasurable. Don't think there is any formula here, just got to broaden your sexual circle - saunas, app, parties... Play safe and responsibly. Good lucks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Traveler3032 Posted October 9, 2018 Report Share Posted October 9, 2018 Lifting weights, paying attention to how you look, and then going to sauna and see if you can still attract guys. If you are a top and can't get it up, then use viagra. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest anti mosquito detergent Posted February 11, 2019 Report Share Posted February 11, 2019 Just ready your money lah especially if you don’t look good like me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest 零治零 Posted February 11, 2019 Report Share Posted February 11, 2019 8 minutes ago, Guest anti mosquito detergent said: Just ready your money lah especially if you don’t look good like me. LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve5380 Posted February 11, 2019 Report Share Posted February 11, 2019 19 minutes ago, Guest anti mosquito detergent said: Just ready your money lah especially if you don’t look good like me. If he looks good like you he should not have any money problems. He can make money with his body Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
auscent Posted February 12, 2019 Report Share Posted February 12, 2019 Relax. Ur lack of experiencemay be a turn off only to those superficial ones. But there are those who will find ur body, looks and mature age a turn on. Add in some good personality, top up with chemistry then it will be worth more fun than any superficial fun. mate69 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Donnie Posted September 3, 2020 Report Share Posted September 3, 2020 On 9/30/2018 at 10:34 PM, Kimochi said: Sauna ~ Yes. No other place now but there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Looking123 Posted September 4, 2020 Report Share Posted September 4, 2020 (edited) I do not yet feel like going to saunas (except for those more public and general ones e.g. Yuno, Nes). I still prefer to meet people during the normal course of everyday life. I feel more turned on by this although it has a lot of difficulties. Won't know if the person is also similarly interested. Wastes a lot of time hoping, wishing, guessing.. Now that I have one leg out of my closet, I do try to put in a bit more effort i.e. have a bit of eye contact with some people. Just a slightly lingered fleeting look (not a stare), hoping that over time there will be opportunities to strike up a natural conversation. For example, last Friday, I had quick chat with a guy while he was waiting for his colleagues for lunch and I just finished mine. In my mind, it was like "wow, did we just talk?!". It was a breakthrough after months of occasional passing glances. Unfortunately, I did not really make good use of this opportunity as I quickly walked away pretending to act all normal. Lesson here would be to learn to carry on a conversation. Anyway, like what many have written, life is not just about sex. We can still occupy our time with other activities, which will in turn hopefully make us slightly better persons to be with one day. Even if inexperienced, I agree with some of the posts above that think it to be okay. Longer reply from this uncle on his boring Friday night when many hot blooded young people are having hot dates right about now. Edited September 4, 2020 by Looking123 wilfgene and mate69 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts