35+ year old married men still living in parents house.

[Guest What]

Anyone find it ridiculous that in SG there are quite a number of married men still staying in parent's house.

[Guest Guest]

anything wrong?

[Guest Swiss Living]

37 minutes ago, Guest What said:

Anyone find it ridiculous that in SG there are quite a number of married men still staying in parent's house.

What's wrong?  The parents are happy to have their married children to stay with them and consider that as blessings.   Others are not able to buy a new home and focus on using their money to raise up their kids.  One day, they may even take up govt offer to buy a jumbo 3-generations flat with huge grant.   You cannot be too judgemental without understanding individual circumstances.   Having your own home can be a struggle if you are not able to make ends meet, especially if you have an elderly and children to look after.   HDB is no longer a prestiguous asset once it leases began to plunge, you will not get a cent into your bank account even after selling off your flat.   Look at your CPF account, you still owe the govt your CPF + Accrued interest for buying your HDB and it was hefty until you pee while your watch the value of your "asset" depreciate.    

[Guest Lol]

Want to get married then make sure you have the means for it, want pussy but can't afford it what a joke! So many wife vs mother-in-law stories until I am sick of it, go get your own bloody house instead of depending on old parents!

[lovehandle]

not all can accomodate and afford it yet, so if the parents are willing to accomodate, i think it is good
but based on our preference, most would prefer privacy
somehow the other partner will wish to move out 1 
and i knw of friends who wish that diff-tier generations could stay together and take care of 1 another....
many parents help to look after the kids and babies too

[Guest Yoyo]

8 hours ago, Guest What said:

Anyone find it ridiculous that in SG there are quite a number of married men still staying in parent's house.

 

There’s no problem with married men staying in parents’ house.

It is a problem if the married men are leeching their parents and not contributing to the expenses in their parents’ house.

Are you one?

[lonelyglobe]

A smarter move will be the parents move to children's house and rented out their whole house, less financial burden for the children too. 

[Steve5380]

There is something nice with three generations living under the same roof.

Grandparent-grandchild relationships are important for both.

Parents get help from grandparents caring for the little ones so that they can have some time of their own.

Grandparents remain useful and are cared for at home instead of being dumped in some nursing home.

[Guest lor!]

Depend lah.  If you can get along with your love ones, than stay together lor.   If you cannot, than stay separate lor.  I think most gay people can relate.   My mother chase me out, so it was easier for me to stay on my own lor.  Got privacy, can bring lover home for sex, can stay up late, wake up late, eat junk food, watch porn,  nobody cares what you do.  Freedom very important lor.

[Steve5380]

51 minutes ago, Guest lor! said:

Depend lah.  If you can get along with your love ones, than stay together lor.   If you cannot, than stay separate lor.  I think most gay people can relate.   My mother chase me out, so it was easier for me to stay on my own lor.  Got privacy, can bring lover home for sex, can stay up late, wake up late, eat junk food, watch porn,  nobody cares what you do.  Freedom very important lor.

 

As gays our situation is different (at least until same-sex marriage is common and we adopt children).

Here we deal with 35 year old married men, possibly with children.

And yes, getting along is important in all cases

[Guest What rubbish]

15 hours ago, Steve5380 said:

 

As gays our situation is different (at least until same-sex marriage is common and we adopt children).

Here we deal with 35 year old married men, possibly with children.

And yes, getting along is important in all cases

That is impossible, the man and his wife tend to have their own habits, mostly bad, which will definitely clash with the mother in law as it is her house and she has her own house rules. The couple will also want things to be done their way, indirectly affecting other family members living in the house.

[fab]

Most adults above 35 married or single, will not wanna stay with parents if they r financially independent.

 

[Guest Guest]

28 minutes ago, fab said:

Most adults above 35 married or single, will not wanna stay with parents if they r financially independent.

 

How true ... if a married or gay friend whom I just met told me that he is staying with his parents (without knowing the background), that "suspicious" or worse "look down" syndrome will inevitably come to my mind. This is more so for gay people (especially those in their 40s, 50s and above) ...

 

Sorry, this is hard truth .... this is just society influence. It makes one wonder if you are indeed not "successful" or financially independent in your career ... 

 

I am sure there are couples (with children) who are "financially struggling" (don't talk about the convenience of looking after kids by the parents etc.) or at least trying to make ends meet ... who are staying out on their own ... and these friends/couples usually gain my respect the most. 

[fab]

Most Couples especially those with children who stay with parents r those who wanna make money from renting their flats.

 

A single friend left his Hdb empty n continue to stay with his single father and a maid.

 

Another single friend rented out his flat to stay with his parents.

 

[bluerunner]

On 10/20/2018 at 11:26 AM, Guest What said:

Anyone find it ridiculous that in SG there are quite a number of married men still staying in parent's house.

Stop being nosey on other’s life. Take good care of yours. That will do. 

[lightsmith32]

I find it offensive that there are married ass men who dont take care of their parents. I didnt know when in the last 2000 years of asian culture did living in parents house become offensive.

 

We are Asians and live by our values. We should not be baselined or measured by western cultures which are individualistic and BS in most case.

 

[Guest Karma]

1 hour ago, lightsmith32 said:

I find it offensive that there are married ass men who dont take care of their parents. I didnt know when in the last 2000 years of asian culture did living in parents house become offensive.

 

We are Asians and live by our values. We should not be baselined or measured by western cultures which are individualistic and BS in most case.

 

If the couple is rich, then karma will get back at them, usually to their kids.

 

If couple is poor, still no excuse to abandon parents. 

[Steve5380]

2 hours ago, lightsmith32 said:

 

We are Asians and live by our values. We should not be baselined or measured by western cultures which are individualistic and BS in most case.
 

 

It is not only an Asian culture.  In this world there are more poor people than rich or well off.

In Latin America, where land is more plentiful than in SG and houses are bigger, it is not unusual that children make their nest in another wing of the house and share the common areas with the parents. Nothing dishonorable with that.  What also happens is that parent/s are taken into their children's home when they become old and frail, especially when only one of them is surviving.  It also happens that parents become the "parents" of their grandchildren when their children screw up and are incapable of caring for their own children.  All this is the true "pro-family", instead of the bashing of gays!

[Gentleman]

2 hours ago, lightsmith32 said:

We are Asians and live by our values. We should not be baselined or measured by western cultures which are individualistic and BS in most case

 

I agree with the importance of filial piety, but am baffled by such statements, as if all Asians have a set of shared values, and hold monopoly to those values.  Also wonder the need to demonize all that is of the "western" world.  Is there a need to geo-tag values such as "human rights", "inequality", or even "environmental conservation", etc.? 

[auscent]

I think staying to take care of aged parents is one thing.

 

Otherwise no. Sounds like leeching off unless ure the one doing marketing, cleaning, laundry, AND cooking.

 

Taking care of parents who are no longer phy abled to is Asian values. Leeching them off isnt.

[p-2122]

11 hours ago, auscent said:

I think staying to take care of aged parents is one thing.

 

Otherwise no. Sounds like leeching off unless ure the one doing marketing, cleaning, laundry, AND cooking.

 

Taking care of parents who are no longer phy abled to is Asian values. Leeching them off isnt.

 

Agreed to the Asian values. I do that too. And pay off the bills, the helper the household hires, allowance to them and gets basic necessity. Also do remember to bring your folks for holidays overseas at least once or twice a year to travel since they brought us up. 

 

Oh btw I'm not and have not reached 35 of age yet. Still few more years.

Edited October 22, 2018 by p-2122
Add-ons

[lightsmith32]

3 hours ago, Gentleman said:

 

I agree with the importance of filial piety, but am baffled by such statements, as if all Asians have a set of shared values, and hold monopoly to those values.  Also wonder the need to demonize all that is of the "western" world.  Is there a need to geo-tag values such as "human rights", "inequality", or even "environmental conservation", etc.? 

 

I think my response was to highlight that western values should never be used as an excuse to look down upon those who embrace the eastern values and culture.

To each is own is perfectly fine. But if you read the original post, it made a statement that living with parents is something to be frowned upon, which is similar to the western culture.

 

My response made a distinction between western vs eastern approaches on a general basis and did not go into individuals. Also the west was demonised as i strongly do not belief in their system. But i have no qualms abt anyone embracing the said approach as long as it does not start making fun of my approaches.

My response was to the OP was to reinforce that there are many dimensions to decisions and broad-stroke statements are not balanced. Hope that clears it out for u in terms of my thought process.

[Steve5380]

5 hours ago, p-2122 said:

 

Agreed to the Asian values. I do that too and own another unit to collect rent. And pay off the bills, the helper the household hires, allowance to them and gets basic necessity. Also do remember to bring your folks for holidays overseas at least once or twice a year to travel since they brought us up. 

 

Oh btw I'm not and have not reached 35 of age yet. Still few more years.

 

You being such a good son your parents must be happy to still cook for you, wash your underwear, clean your room and buy your favorite food.

.

Edited October 21, 2018 by Steve5380

[p-2122]

4 hours ago, Steve5380 said:

 

You being such a good son your parents must be happy to still cook for you, wash your underwear, clean your room and buy your favorite food.

.

 

They don't cook or clean or wash. I pay for the domestic helper that does all these. 

[Steve5380]

1 minute ago, p-2122 said:

 

They don't cook or clean or wash. I pay for the domestic helper that does all these. 

 

So what do they do?  They sit in front of the TV and watch soap operas?

Or attend the morning, early afternoon and evening services at their church?

[p-2122]

1 hour ago, Steve5380 said:

 

So what do they do?  They sit in front of the TV and watch soap operas?

Or attend the morning, early afternoon and evening services at their church?

 

Please go back to the main topic and ceased asking questions about my personal life. 

[auscent]

I wonder what parents actually think abt mature age kids still staying with them...

[Steve5380]

1 hour ago, p-2122 said:

 

Please go back to the main topic and ceased asking questions about my personal life. 

 

You volunteered your personal life.

[Steve5380]

33 minutes ago, auscent said:

I wonder what parents actually think abt mature age kids still staying with them...

 

I am a parent.

Financially independent, strong and self-sufficient. If my adult kids would stay with me I would think: "they should be able to be independent".

If one day I am poor, weak and sick and they live with me I will think: "thank god that they are here and take care of me".

[Guest Guest]

abit hard to say at times.

 

I'm 30 and i have already planned to move out. But my parents keeps giving me the shit saying i dont have the respect for the elderly by moving out. Claiming i dont love them anymore and all sorts. Sometimes it gets really tough as i feel that we should be able to decide ourself since i'm no longer money dependent on them since 10 years ago. My parents are crazy control freaks and i'm trying to get as far as i could as most of the time even when it comes to laundry i have to do it the same day they are doing or they question me on how many times i must mop the goddamn floor at home just because they are accustom to that. and yet they wonder what is so "wrong" at home that i need to move out.

 

Sigh

[LeanMature]

34 minutes ago, Guest Guest said:

abit hard to say at times.

 

I'm 30 and i have already planned to move out. But my parents keeps giving me the shit saying i dont have the respect for the elderly by moving out. Claiming i dont love them anymore and all sorts. Sometimes it gets really tough as i feel that we should be able to decide ourself since i'm no longer money dependent on them since 10 years ago. My parents are crazy control freaks and i'm trying to get as far as i could as most of the time even when it comes to laundry i have to do it the same day they are doing or they question me on how many times i must mop the goddamn floor at home just because they are accustom to that. and yet they wonder what is so "wrong" at home that i need to move out.

 

Sigh

 

They love you so much.  They probably go into depression once you moved out.

[Guest Narcissistic Moms n Pops]

40 minutes ago, Guest Guest said:

abit hard to say at times.

 

I'm 30 and i have already planned to move out. But my parents keeps giving me the shit saying i dont have the respect for the elderly by moving out. Claiming i dont love them anymore and all sorts. Sometimes it gets really tough as i feel that we should be able to decide ourself since i'm no longer money dependent on them since 10 years ago. My parents are crazy control freaks and i'm trying to get as far as i could as most of the time even when it comes to laundry i have to do it the same day they are doing or they question me on how many times i must mop the goddamn floor at home just because they are accustom to that. and yet they wonder what is so "wrong" at home that i need to move out.

 

Sigh

Moving out also means not respecting the elderly, dating angmoh eating western food also disrespects them I guess?

 

Sometimes I wonder whether some elderly are narcissistic (due to numerical age) or have deficiency in vocabulary range and language expression.

 

Children are not possessions, period.

[auscent]

11 hours ago, Guest Guest said:

 

I'm 30 and i have already planned to move out. But my parents keeps giving me the shit saying i dont have the respect for the elderly by moving out...

Everyone deserves respect, dignity ans space. Being there for them doesnt mean ure eligible to be emotionally blackmailed.

[Guest Tear down the House]

It's alright if the house is a good class bungalow on spacious manicured property in an exclusive district with security guards, but not Oxley. 

[Steve5380]

On 10/22/2018 at 12:10 AM, Guest Guest said:

I'm 30 and i have already planned to move out. But my parents keeps giving me the shit saying i dont have the respect for the elderly by moving out. Claiming i dont love them anymore and all sorts. Sometimes it gets really tough as i feel that we should be able to decide ourself since i'm no longer money dependent on them since 10 years ago. My parents are crazy control freaks and i'm trying to get as far as i could as most of the time even when it comes to laundry i have to do it the same day they are doing or they question me on how many times i must mop the goddamn floor at home just because they are accustom to that. and yet they wonder what is so "wrong" at home that i need to move out.

 

 

Try to find out if your parents at 30 used to live with their own parents. If they did not, they should understand when you tell them something like this; 

"Your goal as parents should be to care for me while I'm little and to empower me to be resourceful and independent when I am an adult.  I am now an adult, and so to fulfill your goal I will become independent. This does not mean that I don't love you but I want to pursue my life so that I learn and have the means to care for you when you are old and needy.  Today you have each other, so you won't be lonely, but in old age you may need the company of a strong son. I keep in mind all what you have done for me, and you will have my help when you need it."

[Steve5380]

On 10/22/2018 at 12:55 AM, Guest Narcissistic Moms n Pops said:

Moving out also means not respecting the elderly, dating angmoh eating western food also disrespects them I guess?

Sometimes I wonder whether some elderly are narcissistic (due to numerical age) or have deficiency in vocabulary range and language expression.

Children are not possessions, period.

 

Yes, such blackmailing is so common and hurtful. A cheap way to take advantage of one's children.  What we do for our children should also be a payback for what our parents did for us.  Maybe parents thinking like you describe were not raised properly?  But regardless, that chain of exploitation needs to be broken.

[wilfgene]

2 hours ago, Steve5380 said:

 

Yes, such blackmailing is so common and hurtful. A cheap way to take advantage of one's children.  What we do for our children should also be a payback for what our parents did for us.  Maybe parents thinking like you describe were not raised properly?  But regardless, that chain of exploitation needs to be broken.

Kindly allow me to share with you the good old Traditional Asian Values,

人尽可夫

父一而己

[Steve5380]

28 minutes ago, wilfgene said:

Kindly allow me to share with you the good old Traditional Asian Values,

Man

Father is one

 

I don't know if my google translator captured the meaning of your quote.

But I have some experience.

I am a father, and I don't see much special in being a father.

I don't feel I deserve infinite gratitude from my child.

This idea of eternal gratitude to the parents must have been institutionalized BY PARENTS.

It is a good, constructive idea but it should not be exaggerated.

[Guest Bad parenting skills]

9 hours ago, Steve5380 said:

 

Yes, such blackmailing is so common and hurtful. A cheap way to take advantage of one's children.  What we do for our children should also be a payback for what our parents did for us.  Maybe parents thinking like you describe were not raised properly?  But regardless, that chain of exploitation needs to be broken.

Bad parenting skills go way back. They get passed down, both consciously and subconsciously too, sadly. Some have no fucking idea how to treat kids or other humans who rely on them, like zero empathy, don’t even talking about parenting skills. Most rely on old wives’ tales, native religious superstitions and heresy. Most singaporeans (especially asians in the past) were not raised properly. Too many children in one family, not enough money (don’t even talk about time) to educate them. Throw some malaysian heritage (muslim country ethos) and christian (rigid, bigoted and pedantic thinking) into the mix, you get something real fun to share with generations to come!

[auri]

14 hours ago, Steve5380 said:

 

"Your goal as parents should be to care for me while I'm little and to empower me to be resourceful and independent when I am an adult.  I am now an adult, and so to fulfill your goal I will become independent. This does not mean that I don't love you but I want to pursue my life so that I learn and have the means to care for you when you are old and needy.  Today you have each other, so you won't be lonely, but in old age you may need the company of a strong son. I keep in mind all what you have done for me, and you will have my help when you need it."

 

Well said.

Unfortunately some parents did not get the memo

 

[Guest Not PC but wise]

6 hours ago, Guest Bad parenting skills said:

Bad parenting skills go way back. They get passed down, both consciously and subconsciously too, sadly. Some have no fucking idea how to treat kids or other humans who rely on them, like zero empathy, don’t even talking about parenting skills. Most rely on old wives’ tales, native religious superstitions and heresy. Most singaporeans (especially asians in the past) were not raised properly. Too many children in one family, not enough money (don’t even talk about time) to educate them. Throw some malaysian heritage (muslim country ethos) and christian (rigid, bigoted and pedantic thinking) into the mix, you get something real fun to share with generations to come!

LKY’s eugenics and stop at 2 weren’t such bad ideas afterall. Quality, not quantity.

Now his son is going for quantity resulting in crude FTs flooding in and lowering the quality of human population here. Worse, some will settle down. Such mistakes will take generations to correct. So unwise.

[fab]

14 hours ago, Steve5380 said:

 

I don't know if my google translator captured the meaning of your quote.

But I have some experience.

I am a father, and I don't see much special in being a father.

I don't feel I deserve infinite gratitude from my child.

This idea of eternal gratitude to the parents must have been institutionalized BY PARENTS.

It is a good, constructive idea but it should not be exaggerated.

 

Literally, it means

 

Every man can become a husband,

but there's only one father.

 

Originally, it derived when one woman asked a sage whether husband or father is more important.

 

Now it refers to promiscuity.

 

 

[wilfgene]

On 10/25/2018 at 1:32 AM, wilfgene said:

Kindly allow me to share with you the good old Traditional Asian Values,

人尽可夫

父一而己

 

On 10/25/2018 at 2:06 AM, Steve5380 said:

 

I don't know if my google translator captured the meaning of your quote.

But I have some experience.

I am a father, and I don't see much special in being a father.

I don't feel I deserve infinite gratitude from my child.

This idea of eternal gratitude to the parents must have been institutionalized BY PARENTS.

It is a good, constructive idea but it should not be exaggerated.

 

9 hours ago, fab said:

 

Literally, it means

 

Every man can become a husband,

but there's only one father.

 

Originally, it derived when one woman asked a sage whether husband or father is more important.

 

Now it refers to promiscuity.

 

 

Before the wedding, the Queen asked the Princess,

"If ever your Husband confronts your Father in Battle, who will you help?"

"Hubby"

"Any man can be your husband,

there is only One father"

-国语(if memory serves me), a Confucionist Classic.

 

无父无君

是为禽兽

-Mencius, an anti-American.  

 

You may care to take note Fab focuses on the first half, and ignore the second.

Nonetheless, even with both your dicks in, my anus still won't  be tighter than your grips. 

[Steve5380]

1 hour ago, wilfgene said:

-Mencius, an anti-American.  

 

Nonetheless, even with both your dicks in, my anus still won't  be tighter than your grips. 

 

Didn't Mencius live 2000 years before the existence of America?  How could he be anti-American?

 

Very interesting.  Do you know of any instrument that can measure my grip

and the tightness of your anus with two dicks in?

[repressednerd]

I know a bunch of people who are in their 50s and are still staying with their parents. I don't really ask them why they are still staying with their parents as it's quite personal, but it's like the usual kinds of reasons e.g. rented out own flat for extra income, harmonious relationships with parents, trying to make ends meet etc.

 

I moved out of my parents' home a couple of years ago. I went overseas for a bunch of years and lived alone but when I came back, the freedom bug kept biting me till the day I moved out. But the biggest factor I moved out was because....my mum & I had conflicts on the way we did our housework. Like how I put detergent then softener in the washing machine but my mom insisted on softener then detergent, how I clean the floor in vertical stripes but my mum cleaned in circular motion, like how I would not bother about the colour of pegs I used on the clothes hanging pole yet my mum felt it was very important to use certain colours etc.

 

Our relationship has improved a lot since I moved out.

[Steve5380]

On 10/28/2018 at 12:24 AM, repressednerd said:

I know a bunch of people who are in their 50s and are still staying with their parents. I don't really ask them why they are still staying with their parents as it's quite personal, but it's like the usual kinds of reasons e.g. rented out own flat for extra income, harmonious relationships with parents, trying to make ends meet etc.

 

I moved out of my parents' home a couple of years ago. I went overseas for a bunch of years and lived alone but when I came back, the freedom bug kept biting me till the day I moved out. But the biggest factor I moved out was because....my mum & I had conflicts on the way we did our housework. Like how I put detergent then softener in the washing machine but my mom insisted on softener then detergent, how I clean the floor in vertical stripes but my mum cleaned in circular motion, like how I would not bother about the colour of pegs I used on the clothes hanging pole yet my mum felt it was very important to use certain colours etc.

 

Our relationship has improved a lot since I moved out.

 

Good that you don't have children.

They would move out in the blink of an eye if you have such a character that forces you to move out from your mom's place over order of putting detergent and softener in the washing machine,  ways to clean the floors, color of the pegs on the clothes line...   

[kingbitch]

1 hour ago, Steve5380 said:

 

Good that you don't have children.

They would move out in the blink of an eye if you have such a character that forces you to move out from your mom's place over order of putting detergent and softener in the washing machine,  ways to clean the floors, color of the pegs on the clothes line...   

 

I feel like I'm with repressednerd on this. 

 

I love my parents but I cannot stand the everyday tedium of living with them - the idea that even the smallest insignificant details of my lifestyle needs nagging and questioning. I suspect the housework issue is just a last straw that brokeback the camel case for repressednerd. 

[Steve5380]

36 minutes ago, kingbitch said:

 

I feel like I'm with repressednerd on this. 

 

I love my parents but I cannot stand the everyday tedium of living with them - the idea that even the smallest insignificant details of my lifestyle needs nagging and questioning. I suspect the housework issue is just a last straw that brokeback the camel case for repressednerd. 

 

LOL!  Nagging parents can indeed be a pain.   Unless we understand old people and how they are fixated in their ways. Then we can let them get away with their trivial ways with a smile.  "Mom, your way of washing the clothes and cleaning the floors is really the best, and I will watch more carefully the color of the pegs."  In this way, the camel's back stays unloaded, both parties remain calm, and he uses the money saves by not having to pay for his own place by making frequent trips away from mom to Pattaya, where he helps support the cute young gays there and enjoys great sex with them.  Or uses his money in other ways for his happiness.

[Guest Popo]

Please raise your hands and feet if you are still living with you parents and you are in your mid-30s? Why can't you move?

[Guest Kaypoh]

can u guys stand the noise, living under one roof?