Reasons to Move Out from parents

[Guest Brainstorm]

I would like to move out from my house, not so much of push factor, but because I want to be with my BF.

 

Anyone know of a good reason to move out from your parents house without hinting that you're gay or that you have a relationship outside? I have thought of these reasons before but felt it is still a bit hard to substantiate:

 

1. "I want to move out to stay closer to my office". But my current house is just 25min away from my office. 

 

2. "Buy my own house, and rent out for cash. Hdb rule says I cannot rent out whole unit". But I am not even close to 35 years old to buy own house. 

 

 

What other reasons?

[xenophile]

I gave my parents a few reasons

1) there's no privacy here, with the kids and siblings still ard

2) I wanna be independent and just stay on my own without troubling them

3) I'm a grown man

 

 But, honestly, You don't need a reason to move out. Just move out...

[repressednerd]

Just say that you want to have an independent life. If you have a strong will to move out, nobody can stop you.

[Bodhiguy]

.

 

 

Edited November 10, 2018 by Bodhiguy

[camper]

Moving out of the house doesn't mean being a disloyal son *roll eyes*

[G_M]

8 minutes ago, Bodhiguy said:

 

I think you had made your point.

Stop spamming the forum or I will make you stop!

[quickflightout]

Planning to move out myself and will be hitting 35 soon. My parents was of course against my decision but I told them I need my privacy and space especially my video games, what with my mom telling me to throw away my PS4, handheld, games.

 

You don't need a reason to be honest, just move, you can still visit and sleepover the weekend at your parent's place in the future.

[Guest Brainstorm]

I understand if there is a will, there is a way. 

 

But I want my parents to be happy and supportive of me moving out. A legit reason that doesn't make my parents feel that they are hindering me. Am I thinking too much?

 

29 minutes ago, xenophile said:

I gave my parents a few reasons

1) there's no privacy here, with the kids and siblings still ard

2) I wanna be independent and just stay on my own without troubling them

3) I'm a grown man

 

 But, honestly, You don't need a reason to move out. Just move out...

 

22 minutes ago, repressednerd said:

Just say that you want to have an independent life. If you have a strong will to move out, nobody can stop you.

 

Thanks for sharing. 

I wish I can say that easily I want independence. But likely they will take it negatively or wondering if I am gay. 

 

[kingbitch]

6 minutes ago, Guest Brainstorm said:

 

Thanks for sharing. 

I wish I can say that easily I want independence. But likely they will take it negatively or wondering if I am gay. 

 

 

That's tough love. We can't please them 100 per cent. Living on your own as an adult is so thoroughly beneficial for your mental and spiritual wellbeing, and if parents are against that then you might have to be tougher on your stance. 

[xenophile]

13 minutes ago, Guest Brainstorm said:

I understand if there is a will, there is a way. 

 

But I want my parents to be happy and supportive of me moving out. A legit reason that doesn't make my parents feel that they are hindering me. Am I thinking too much?

 

 

 

Thanks for sharing. 

I wish I can say that easily I want independence. But likely they will take it negatively or wondering if I am gay. 

 

You are definitely thinking too much. You want to move out. Then just move out. If they think you are gay, what will happen? You'll get kickout of the house? It really just sound more like you are creating excuses not to move rather than finding a reason to move. 

 

It's really not whether they are ready or not, supportive or not. You are a gay man with no prospect of marrying a girl and moving out. You will never have a "legitimate" & "discreet" reason to move out. Question is, are you ready? If you are still making excuses to stay with parents, then you are not. 

Edited November 10, 2018 by xenophile

[robin]

To give a reason may be a bit hard landing. Why not just stay a day out per week followed by 2 & then 3...  

 

With change management, it will be easier for all parties to accept it. 

 

My parents are the traditional kind & no reason will be good enough for me to move out. But with the above method, they only realize it one day that i am not longer staying with them ;p

[kingbitch]

2 minutes ago, xenophile said:

You are definitely thinking too much. You want to move out. Then just move out. If they think you are gay, what will happen? You'll get kickout of the house? It really just sound more like you are creating excuses not to move rather than finding a reason to move. 

 

I think you might be too harsh on him xenophile. 

 

A lot of us have to overcome family expectations carrying dumb "Asian values" nonsense. Some like myself and probably yourself have done it, so I'd like to encourage others who havent made this move. 

[xenophile]

1 minute ago, kingbitch said:

 

I think you might be too harsh on him xenophile. 

 

A lot of us have to overcome family expectations carrying dumb "Asian values" nonsense. Some like myself and probably yourself have done it, so I'd like to encourage others who havent made this move. 

I do apologise if it sounds harsh. And it really isn't about Asian values or not. It's an Asian custom, not a value. You can remain the filial son even if you move out. 

 

It's about decision making. If you have decided to be independent, then whatever legitimate reason you have is valid for you. You can't go on over thinking reasons to stay. If the reasons to stay are valid, then stay. If you think you have no valid reasons to move out primarily because you don't want them to think you are gay, then stay. But, that is not a valid reason for compromising your own future and happiness. 

[riverrobles]

Hi TS, I moved out when I was 21 and the reason was just because I was already 21, I want to be independent and free. Those were my reasons and like what @xenophile mentioned, you really do not need a reason to move out. Parents will understand and actually what you are doing is the inevitable, that will happen if you are a parent. It is expected.

 

I would like to just give you a reminder, do ensure that your number 1 reason is not because of your boyfriend , if ever something happens, don't give big problems to your parents and be a baby and go back /stay at your parents house and cry forever, spare them this. Always prioritize yourself, once you prioritise yourself you will be the best version of you and from there you can help your parents , friends and society at large.

 

Just do it!

 

 

 

 

 

Edited November 10, 2018 by riverrobles

[auri]

Just man up and do it.

'

No need to hide and pretend.

[Guest Brainstorm]

5 hours ago, riverrobles said:

Hi TS, I moved out when I was 21 and the reason was just because I was already 21, I want to be independent and free. Those were my reasons and like what @xenophile mentioned, you really do not need a reason to move out. Parents will understand and actually what you are doing is the inevitable, that will happen if you are a parent. It is expected.

 

I would like to just give you a reminder, do ensure that your number 1 reason is not because of your boyfriend , if ever something happens, don't give big problems to your parents and be a baby and go back /stay at your parents house and cry forever, spare them this. Always prioritize yourself, once you prioritise yourself you will be the best version of you and from there you can help your parents , friends and society at large.

 

Just do it!

 

 

 

 

 

 

To be honest he is my major reason for wanting to move out. We'll, staying with family is ok. Nice envioronment since my family is well to do. If I move out, it will be a rented cramp room in a hdb. But I don't mind. 

 

Reaching a certain age is good reason for some. But my dad even when I was quite young, did say that I should stay with them until I am married. Which I disagreed but stayed silent then since I was still young then.

 

5 hours ago, xenophile said:

I do apologise if it sounds harsh. And it really isn't about Asian values or not. It's an Asian custom, not a value. You can remain the filial son even if you move out. 

 

It's about decision making. If you have decided to be independent, then whatever legitimate reason you have is valid for you. You can't go on over thinking reasons to stay. If the reasons to stay are valid, then stay. If you think you have no valid reasons to move out primarily because you don't want them to think you are gay, then stay. But, that is not a valid reason for compromising your own future and happiness. 

 

No worries friend. I know u feel passionate for this and you want the best for me. I know what you mean. Perhaps I really lack that resolve to want to move out. 

 

 

I was thinking if it's better for me to find a job that requires me to be outstationed. Then invite my bf to migrate with me. I once met someone on Grindr some time ago who does that. 

 

[riverrobles]

Hi TS,

below are 2 scenarios, you just need to pick one

 

1. move out, still in living and working Singapore, can still see parents on weekends, living in with boyfriend, faster

2. move-out only when you have a confirmed work overseas, can not see parents on weekends, not living with boyfriend, boyfriend still needs to find a job or a reason to join you (this will test if now the reason he wants to go with you is really you), needs more time

 

If it was me, I will pick number 1 because it can be done now and you can really practice your independence. Probably you can still use your family's car or get an allowance from dad but at least you are not living at your current home. If its really independence or freedom, your parents , more so your dad will respect you for deciding this direction. Talk to him as an adult and just tell him that this is your decision plus hello you are still in Singapore. If they miss you, it is normal for parents at least give them 1 day visit or an overnight visit per week, this depends on you.

 

If your dad lends you money or gives you allowance, please have the decency to reject it, stand on your own since you now have a job.

 

 

[fab]

"My hole/pole is itchy. I need a pole/hole."

 

Seriously if your parents r not supportive of your orientation, the more reason u should move out. Either u r gay or they r happy. Choose one.

[Steve5380]

Your only alternative to moving out is to stay forever living with them  (obviously)

To spend your whole life bounded to your parents, giving up personal relationships, is a bad, bad option.

If you realize this,  then it is obvious that sooner or later you WILL move out.

Now the issue left is:  should it be sooner or later?  This depends on your circumstances.

 

It does not have to be that either you OR your parents will be happy.  

Can they be influenced such that they will accept that you are gay and will be satisfied with that?

[robin]

There is nothing wrong if your reason for moving out is because you want to live with your bf. 

All of us came from a different family background. Some of our parents are more traditional & strongly opposed to children (who are single) from moving out, so it may not be easy. Others, the parents’ health may not be good & needed us to take care. And there are still others, who may be left with one single parent who brought us up single handlely. All in all, we did not grow up without their help & it is good to strike a balance between taking care of their feelings & pursuing our personal objectives. 

[Guest Period!!]

17 hours ago, Guest Brainstorm said:

I would like to move out from my house, not so much of push factor, but because I want to be with my BF.

 

Anyone know of a good reason to move out from your parents house without hinting that you're gay or that you have a relationship outside? I have thought of these reasons before but felt it is still a bit hard to substantiate:

 

1. "I want to move out to stay closer to my office". But my current house is just 25min away from my office. 

 

2. "Buy my own house, and rent out for cash. Hdb rule says I cannot rent out whole unit". But I am not even close to 35 years old to buy own house. 

 

 

What other reasons?

I told my mom that I am a grown up guy and since everyone has their own house, I wanted mine.  They relented. Period!  Unless you need to borrow from them to buy a house, I see no reason why you cannot have your freedom to do what you have decided.  Period!   Afterall, if you don't come out and be independent, you will never be able to live independently for the rest of your life.  Period!!!.   Be free, fly out of your comfort zone, and live life of your own.  I have friends who are broke and can hardly afford anything, but they still choose to live on their own by buying small 2 room flats.   If freedom and privacy is important in your life, you do not need to justify it to anyone at all.  Period!!!

[iwannac]

I didn't bother reading what everyone else had to say but instead of thinking of a reason, think of this: Why do your parents want you to stay so badly?

 

Is it because they REALLY want you to stay or is it because they're just used to your presence?

I told my parents I wanted to move out a few years ago and they were VERY against it. My mum even cried when she talked to me about it. I was very adamant at the time and didn't bother so much about it because I thought she was just being dramatic.

 

Fast forward to today, I didn't go ahead with my move because of some reasons but I realized it's actually because they're just very accustomed to my presence in the house.

Now when I tell them my plans to move away in the future, they're pretty much like "Ok, as long as you do this this and this, and it makes sense, then okay lor."

I believe they're like this now cause they've been given the time to think about what is going to happen and really digest everything that's happening.

 

So if anything, try telling your parents in advance. Tell them your plans. Don't just spring this idea onto them and then go ahead with it. You have been living with them all your life. They have literally changed their lives to have you around. Give them the time to adjust.

Edited November 13, 2018 by iwannac

[Guest Guest]

On 11/10/2018 at 3:58 PM, Guest Brainstorm said:

I would like to move out from my house, not so much of push factor, but because I want to be with my BF.

 

Anyone know of a good reason to move out from your parents house without hinting that you're gay or that you have a relationship outside? I have thought of these reasons before but felt it is still a bit hard to substantiate:

 

1. "I want to move out to stay closer to my office". But my current house is just 25min away from my office. 

 

2. "Buy my own house, and rent out for cash. Hdb rule says I cannot rent out whole unit". But I am not even close to 35 years old to buy own house. 

 

 

What other reasons?

You can say:

 

'I have to live my own life. I want to be free from the shackles of being something to everyone. I am a free soul and I am one with nature. I am heeding the calling of the wondering whispers of the wind, the essence of the river and the twilight the rainbow. I am leaving this entrapment you called home and set up my own concious abode.'

 

You have to be free. We will support you and we are here for you.

 

#BeOneWithYourself #BeBrave #BeStrong #ISupportYou #IamHereForYou #LoveYourself #BeYourSelf #BeFree #BeOneWithYou #StandTall #StandStrong #AnotherOne #LiveAsOne #IAppreciateYou #BlessedUp #MajorKey #WeTheBest #MeToo #TimesUp

[Guest Guest]

Just tell your parents it is good to own a house if can afford. So that can faster finished house loan at young age.

[Guest Guest]

6 minutes ago, Guest Guest said:

Just tell your parents it is good to own a house if can afford. So that can faster finished house loan at young age.

Lying will not help. TS must be truthfull to himself. Lies will only cause hurt and anger.

 

#BeTrueToYourself #BeAllYouCanBe #LiveYourLife #MajorKey #IAppreciateYou #YouTheBest #TimesUp #MeToo

 

We love you, we support you, we are with you.

[Guest Normal Son]

Aigooo.... why must think this and that. Want to move out just do it lah as long as you can afford it. Then still come home for dinner every night or every weekend so your parents don’t miss you. If you like bring laundry home for your mum to do too if you think she loves you so much. 

I moved out at 21 and worked and paid for my own rent. When I was sex crazy, I would invite different guys back to my place whenever I wanted and many stayed overnight and we ducked till cows come home! Before I moved out I had to sneak them in whenever my parents were out or late at night when they were asleep. Too inconvenient lah so I moved out Loh.... 

never regretted that day i moved out and had all the sex and sex orgies with different people until I met my sayang boy friend. He came to live w me and we have been happily together since!

[Guest Guest]

Moving out is want to have sex crazy and sex orgies?

[Nipoet]

Which normal parents would want their kids to move out? It means lesser face-to-face time, lesser chances of talking/interacting with their beloved, and lesser opportunity to cook their favourite foods for them.

Having your kids stay with you also means that, when you have difficulties, they are there to assist; They do not have to look far and wide just for the tiny bit of help that you can render when you're just a room away; to look after them when they finally grow old and unable to maintain themselves.

But if you want your own personal space, then move out you must.

They will definitely resist, but as a guy, they can't stop you from having ambition/wanting to own a roof over your head.

It'll be easier if you don't need to depend on them financially to procure said roof.

I bought my own re-sale flat at 35 and moved out. Didn't get my parents' permission. They KNOW I am going to buy my own place. What else am I going to use it for other than to STAY in it? :P Anyway, I can't rent it out until the MOP is over. T.T

[Guest guest]

7 minutes ago, Nipoet said:

Which normal parents would want their kids to move out? It means lesser face-to-face time, lesser chances of talking/interacting with their beloved, and lesser opportunity to cook their favourite foods for them.

Having your kids stay with you also means that, when you have difficulties, they are there to assist; They do not have to look far and wide just for the tiny bit of help that you can render when you're just a room away; to look after them when they finally grow old and unable to maintain themselves.

But if you want your own personal space, then move out you must.

They will definitely resist, but as a guy, they can't stop you from having ambition/wanting to own a roof over your head.

It'll be easier if you don't need to depend on them financially to procure said roof.

I bought my own re-sale flat at 35 and moved out. Didn't get my parents' permission. They KNOW I am going to buy my own place. What else am I going to use it for other than to STAY in it? Anyway, I can't rent it out until the MOP is over. T.T

You can still rent out your room if MOP is not over. Only you need to wait for MOP over is to rent out the whole unit.

 

Actually i dont understand why when kids get married, they can move out, people would not frown on you. Whereas for single who wants to move out, people would say you are abandoning your parents?

[Steve5380]

9 hours ago, Guest Guest said:

You can say:

 

'I have to live my own life. I want to be free from the shackles of being something to everyone. I am a free soul and I am one with nature. I am heeding the calling of the wondering whispers of the wind, the essence of the river and the twilight the rainbow. I am leaving this entrapment you called home and set up my own concious abode.'

 

You have to be free. We will support you and we are here for you.

 

 

Another bad, bad advice!

 

What you wrote is like telling your parents:  "I resent having been in shackles all this time, confined by you against the freedom of living my own life. I'm going to break free of you!"

That's pure falsity!  By law the parents must supervise our lives until we are adults, at which time we are perfectly free to leave.  This bad son cannot blame his parents for being shackled as a child, and can only blame himself for staying shackled as an adult.  It reveals that this bad son only thinks about HIMSELF.  A typical EGOISM early in life.

 

If he has made a firm decision of moving out, he should give plenty of anticipation to his parents, like @iwannac recommended, and then don't spare thanks to them for all what they have done for him and for the happy times he has always had at their side.

[bluerunner]

Spend time with your parents as they are not getting any younger. Cherish them and treat them well by spending time with them while they are still alive. 

[Guest Guest]

1 hour ago, bluerunner said:

Spend time with your parents as they are not getting any younger. Cherish them and treat them well by spending time with them while they are still alive. 

Agreed, cherish your parents when they are still around, especially if they are ended up staying alone if you move out. You should stay with them or ask them to move in with you if you insist to own your own house. 

[mate69]

3 hours ago, bluerunner said:

Spend time with your parents as they are not getting any younger. Cherish them and treat them well by spending time with them while they are still alive. 

 

Indeed. Time is the most precious commodity in their eyes, way above everything else - especially as they enter their last stretch.

[xenophile]

I seriously don't get why you would think moving out means you are a bad son. Just because you are so dependent on your parents and give yourself excuses to still be under their wings at the age of 40 won't make you a good son either. This isn't about filial piety. It's about making decisions as an adult. And apparently, some of you have some more growing to do. 

[auscent]

DONT MOVE OUT if

A. Ure the one doing grocery shopping,

B. Ure the one cooking most meals for all,

C. Ure the one paying half of mortgage, AND

D. Ure the one doing most maintenance of the house.

 

If u dont do do all of the above or at least 3 quarters, then its bloodsucking. Parents may be willing but its still living off them.

[Guest guest]

Staying alone is good if you still maintain close relationship with your family. If you move out and not close to your family anymore, when anything happen to you, who wouldd you seek help from? Must bear in mind no matter how healthy you are and how high salary you earned now, if anything happen to you, esp health problem, it would be quite sad and depressing if no family members around can help you.

[Guest whut]

On 11/10/2018 at 4:36 PM, Guest Brainstorm said:

But I want my parents to be happy and supportive of me moving out.

 

But you’re willing to lie to them about the true reason you want to move out? Isn’t that a rather hollow kind of happiness and support?

Seems like you want to have your cake and eat it too. 

[Alponsu]

I'm planning to move out because my parents are pressuring me to meet a "nice girl". They still don't know.

[auscent]

I think moving out is good for all. People need privacy and space to grow.

[Guest guest]

4 hours ago, Alponsu said:

I'm planning to move out because my parents are pressuring me to meet a "nice girl". They still don't know.

Moving out is not a permanent solution of your parents pressuring you to meet a nice girl.

[Guest To the point!]

Let's be honest gay people.  The greatest reason to move out so that you can bring home a fuck friend.  

[Guest Gardener]

On 1/14/2019 at 8:15 PM, auscent said:

I think moving out is good for all. People need privacy and space to grow.

Just like plants.

[Guest Chosun]

On 11/10/2018 at 3:58 PM, Guest Brainstorm said:

I would like to move out from my house, not so much of push factor, but because I want to be with my BF.

 

Anyone know of a good reason to move out from your parents house without hinting that you're gay or that you have a relationship outside? I have thought of these reasons before but felt it is still a bit hard to substantiate:

 

1. "I want to move out to stay closer to my office". But my current house is just 25min away from my office. 

 

2. "Buy my own house, and rent out for cash. Hdb rule says I cannot rent out whole unit". But I am not even close to 35 years old to buy own house. 

 

 

What other reasons?

 You should have done that when you were 18 or right after you graduated from school.

 

The problem nowadays is many like you continuously leech to their parents resources.

[Guest Guest]

Just tell them u need a bigger space for sex.Cant listen to josephine teo sex only need a small space.

[feedersmiracle]

What if my parents somewhat know I'm gay and the reason why they don't let me live alone is they are afraid that I'll live with another man?

 

Does being independent and still want to meet up during CNY a valid excuse anymore?

[fab]

after my friend  bought his apt he continues to stay with his parents. 

 

When he has hooked up sessions he will go to his own place.  Best of both worlds. 

[mate69]

yes its an exercise in independence and freedom to do what u want.

but dont' cut off ties w yr folks just becoz of this

[Guest Cutie Pie]

Advantages of staying alone:

 

1)   You can bring people home for sex

2)    You can walk around naked and nobody cares

3)    You decide your programes at your own free will and schedule

4)    Less of parents and siblings conflicts

5)    Run away from Chinese New Year inquisitive relatives

6)    Watch porn movies on big screen in the open living room

7)   Decide on your own decors to suit your taste

😎  Have option to rent out one room (to visiting sex guests)

9)  Proud to declare to the world of your independency

10)   You own your kitchen to freely cook up a storm, no sharing, no quarrelling over meal prepartion.

11)  You can switch on the lights 24/7 with no one shouting at you.

 

 

[Steve5380]

Get passionate about something that would be a burden to your parents.

 

Take up singing, or the violin, or the tuba, with long hours of practice.

Have strong desires for pets that scare your mom

Teach at home to children, adults that must come in and out all the time,

etc. etc..

 

In this situation and as a considerate good son, you will seek your own place, not far away from them, to avoid burdening them. 

.

.

Edited November 2, 2019 by Steve5380

[mate69]

14 hours ago, Guest Cutie Pie said:

Advantages of staying alone:

 

1)   You can bring people home for sex

2)    You can walk around naked and nobody cares

3)    You decide your programes at your own free will and schedule

4)    Less of parents and siblings conflicts

5)    Run away from Chinese New Year inquisitive relatives

6)    Watch porn movies on big screen in the open living room

7)   Decide on your own decors to suit your taste

😎  Have option to rent out one room (to visiting sex guests)

9)  Proud to declare to the world of your independency

10)   You own your kitchen to freely cook up a storm, no sharing, no quarrelling over meal prepartion.

11)  You can switch on the lights 24/7 with no one shouting at you.

 

 

 

No 1 is the best reason. Lol