sobbies Posted October 20, 2020 Report Share Posted October 20, 2020 (edited) It's a problem I'm struggling with, because on my social media I can see a lot of gays have their own friends/groups. Which is nice to have, to able to go gym, bar, clubbing, explore any gay scenes etc, together. Normally if I chat people up either on social media or apps, they're either interested to have fun with you or just looking for bf, if you're not into either of these, they will just disappear. Maybe this is my attitude problem? Any advice? Edited October 20, 2020 by sobbies Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Hmm Posted October 20, 2020 Report Share Posted October 20, 2020 How do straight people make friends? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gayleo Posted October 20, 2020 Report Share Posted October 20, 2020 1 hour ago, sobbies said: It's a problem I'm struggling with, because on my social media I can see a lot of gays have their own friends/groups. Which is nice to have, to able to go gym, bar, clubbing, explore any gay scenes etc, together. Normally if I chat people up either on social media or apps, they're either interested to have fun with you or just looking for bf, if you're not into either of these, they will just disappear. Maybe this is my attitude problem? Any advice? 1) A lot of gay friends start out as hook ups. So sometimes don't think too much, you never know which of your hook-ups could potentially become gay friends. So go with the flow and have (safe) fun if you want. I myself have had a few hook-ups become platonic close friends. 2) The difference between gay friendships and straight friendships is that gay friendships are not organic. Straight people can easily make friends and cliques through Uni, army, work etc. Gay friendships however, require you to go a bit out of the way. So if you get to know a gay person and would like to become friends with them, don't be shy. Ask them out without flirting. If they are part of the scene, they will likely introduce you to their social circle after some time. versatilehairyman 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greenliv Posted October 20, 2020 Report Share Posted October 20, 2020 Straight friends may not last very long too if there are no common interests. At least with gay friends, there is already a common subject to talk - (talking about men lololol). I have met friends in BW and no, not all encounters end in sex. I can get sex easier in the suanas than in BW. There are many groups in personal in BW that have the socialising element (like drinking group, cycling group, mahjong group). Otherwise, you can always pm and chat from there to see how things take off. versatilehairyman 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dart Posted October 20, 2020 Report Share Posted October 20, 2020 3 hours ago, sobbies said: It's a problem I'm struggling with, because on my social media I can see a lot of gays have their own friends/groups. Which is nice to have, to able to go gym, bar, clubbing, explore any gay scenes etc, together. Normally if I chat people up either on social media or apps, they're either interested to have fun with you or just looking for bf, if you're not into either of these, they will just disappear. Maybe this is my attitude problem? Any advice? To stay as friends as per your definition, you need a same wavelenght, some common grounds or pursuing a same interest besides sex. Stay in BW to find out 🙂 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 20, 2020 Report Share Posted October 20, 2020 3 hours ago, sobbies said: It's a problem I'm struggling with, because on my social media I can see a lot of gays have their own friends/groups. Which is nice to have, to able to go gym, bar, clubbing, explore any gay scenes etc, together. Normally if I chat people up either on social media or apps, they're either interested to have fun with you or just looking for bf, if you're not into either of these, they will just disappear. Maybe this is my attitude problem? Any advice? Easy to make gay friends if you have either look or body. If don't have any of the two, even want to make friends also not easy. I notice in gay circle, appearance go first. You can try to make some friends through blowingwind chatroom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 20, 2020 Report Share Posted October 20, 2020 1 hour ago, Greenliv said: Straight friends may not last very long too if there are no common interests. At least with gay friends, there is already a common subject to talk - (talking about men lololol). I have met friends in BW and no, not all encounters end in sex. I can get sex easier in the suanas than in BW. There are many groups in personal in BW that have the socialising element (like drinking group, cycling group, mahjong group). Otherwise, you can always pm and chat from there to see how things take off. You are right, no matter straight or gay, you need to have same frequency and common interests to maintain the friendship continuously and long enough. If not it would not last long and eventually would lose interest and lost contact. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
versatilehairyman Posted October 20, 2020 Report Share Posted October 20, 2020 I have no gay friends and it’s fine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Right Posted October 20, 2020 Report Share Posted October 20, 2020 3 hours ago, Gayleo said: 1) A lot of gay friends start out as hook ups. So sometimes don't think too much, you never know which of your hook-ups could potentially become gay friends. So go with the flow and have (safe) fun if you want. I myself have had a few hook-ups become platonic close friends. 2) The difference between gay friendships and straight friendships is that gay friendships are not organic. Straight people can easily make friends and cliques through Uni, army, work etc. Gay friendships however, require you to go a bit out of the way. So if you get to know a gay person and would like to become friends with them, don't be shy. Ask them out without flirting. If they are part of the scene, they will likely introduce you to their social circle after some time. There is truth in what you say but those aren't desirable conditions (point 1 on hookups, point 2 on things being inorganic) — and you yourself seem to realize this — and it doesn't have to be that way. If we adopt a defeatist attitude right from the start, won't we just get a self-fulfilling prophecy? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tic-toc Posted October 20, 2020 Report Share Posted October 20, 2020 5 hours ago, sobbies said: It's a problem I'm struggling with, because on my social media I can see a lot of gays have their own friends/groups. Which is nice to have, to able to go gym, bar, clubbing, explore any gay scenes etc, together. Normally if I chat people up either on social media or apps, they're either interested to have fun with you or just looking for bf, if you're not into either of these, they will just disappear. I am just the opposite of you. People just want to be my friends and not fun or bf.... 😭 Kimochi 1 Quote If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greenliv Posted October 20, 2020 Report Share Posted October 20, 2020 4 hours ago, tic-toc said: I am just the opposite of you. People just want to be my friends and not fun or bf.... 😭 Hmmmm, so what charisma do you possess to warrant such good vibes? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tic-toc Posted October 20, 2020 Report Share Posted October 20, 2020 what good vibes? I want fun and bf! ☺️ caindukker 1 Quote If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Benefits Posted October 20, 2020 Report Share Posted October 20, 2020 I realised some want to be friends with some intentions behind. Some want to borrow money, some want you to run errands for them or conveniently ask you to help them this and that. Once I realised I have no interest to talk to them or replied with 1 or 2 words only. But they are not happy cause I show disinterested face to them. But I really cant help it. Is automatic expression. I just want to quickly be away from them. But once I start to smile to them, trouble coming, they will ask this and that. Can you do me a favour? Can you help me? May God bless you. Heavy need help, not heavy also need help. Lunch also need to service. No chicken no chinese food. Want prawn or fish. Nope today eat vegetarian. Why my whatapps not working. Can you send the links again. Can you configure my new phone? Can you help me to transfer money? Can you pay my bills? Cause I treat you like son. Can you help to put back the key? Can you bring over the pen to me? "My name" can you help me this? " My name" can you help me that? Can you help me do this weekend? My friend told me run quickly run den deng den deng den deng Jaw is coming... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greenliv Posted October 21, 2020 Report Share Posted October 21, 2020 3 hours ago, tic-toc said: what good vibes? I want fun and bf! ☺️ Ah I see. You can make friends easily but cannot get them into the bed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest jjlin Posted October 21, 2020 Report Share Posted October 21, 2020 10 hours ago, Guest guest said: Easy to make gay friends if you have either look or body. If don't have any of the two, even want to make friends also not easy. I notice in gay circle, appearance go first. You can try to make some friends through blowingwind chatroom. That chatroom is always... seek? stats? Chn? T/B? I am not sure that it is a good place to start! looks and body definitely big factor in terms of looking for bf/ fun, but I believe for friendship, that doesn't really matter. but it goes back to the social basics of grouping with people similar to yourself ie jocks with jocks, nerds with nerds a plain unfit guy with no interest in exercise will probably find it difficult to be buddies with a great looking gym bunny Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yoyo74 Posted October 21, 2020 Report Share Posted October 21, 2020 To have many gay friends i could say i am quite successful in it. Looks and body do help to attract more gay guys to want to talk to you. Some want you as friends first as an initiate stage to further its relationship while there are others just want to be close with you to admire you. I am also one of those people thats always curious about all those handsome and fit guys what are they doing etc. If cant have special relationship with them i will also like to be close friends with them and if cant be close friends i also want to be a normal friends to them just to have a chance to look at those people that i admire. There are several methods to make gay friends. You can form group of interest and put all of them in a chat group like what i am doing always. When all people have common interest there will be meet up and chit chat and you could start your friendship from here on. If you dont want the hassle to start a group, you can also join another common group of interest and make your gay friends from there. Help your group to recruit more people to your interest group also. When you are recruiting, your opportunity to talk to gay guys will expand a lot and chance to get friendship with them will also be increased. You will normally be required to explain how the group works when you do recruiting thus more stuff to talk about. You will be look on as a leader of the group and whenever any gay guys have problem with the group they will look for you to talk about it and thus also more stuff to talk about and more chances of friendship. Make sure all this common interest groups are all gay people inside if you only want gay friends. BW forum is a very good place to do it. Facebook is also another good way to make gay friends. Make a facebook account add your photo in your profile and invite only gay friends inside and not any straight guys or girls. If you have many gay friends in facebook, other gay guys who see your profile with face pic might be interested in you and wanted you as friend and they will try add you as friend. Make sure not to accept girls if you only want gay guys as friends in FB. Accept only guys who have mutual gay friends with you and those are normally gays themselves as well. Guys who have many topless photos in FB who send you friend request also can accept as they are mostly gays. If you want u can also put your topless pic in the facebook as well so gay guys will more likely think you are gay to add you in FB. kidster 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sobbies Posted October 21, 2020 Author Report Share Posted October 21, 2020 Thanks for the input guys Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FattChoy Posted October 21, 2020 Report Share Posted October 21, 2020 17 hours ago, sobbies said: It's a problem I'm struggling with, because on my social media I can see a lot of gays have their own friends/groups. Which is nice to have, to able to go gym, bar, clubbing, explore any gay scenes etc, together. Normally if I chat people up either on social media or apps, they're either interested to have fun with you or just looking for bf, if you're not into either of these, they will just disappear. Maybe this is my attitude problem? Any advice? Ask yourself. What do you bring to the table? wilfgene 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ben S Posted October 21, 2020 Report Share Posted October 21, 2020 Unfortunately, that's the culture in gay world. I agree that the best way to find friends is through common interests. So, if you like running, cycling, playing any sports, video games, etc ... try to find if there is any gay group for it. or start small with current friends you have. Stick with what you're looking for ... if someone asks for more or make you feel uncomfortable, be firm with your answer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Why? Posted October 21, 2020 Report Share Posted October 21, 2020 22 hours ago, sobbies said: It's a problem I'm struggling with, because on my social media I can see a lot of gays have their own friends/groups. Which is nice to have, to able to go gym, bar, clubbing, explore any gay scenes etc, together. Normally if I chat people up either on social media or apps, they're either interested to have fun with you or just looking for bf, if you're not into either of these, they will just disappear. Maybe this is my attitude problem? Any advice? Friends are people who are just physically presence beside you, but they may not be your true companion. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gayleo Posted October 21, 2020 Report Share Posted October 21, 2020 (edited) 17 hours ago, Guest Right said: There is truth in what you say but those aren't desirable conditions (point 1 on hookups, point 2 on things being inorganic) — and you yourself seem to realize this — and it doesn't have to be that way. If we adopt a defeatist attitude right from the start, won't we just get a self-fulfilling prophecy? How is this a defeatist attitude? Defeatist attitude will be constantly whining about the gay circle being superficial, only care about looks and just wallow in self-pity about having no gay friends. My point to OP is that it is not easy to make gay friends, especially when you are closeted/discreet with no connections. Unlike straight people, we don't have the luxury of meeting a bunch of gay guys with common interests through our natural course of life. You will be lucky if you even have one gay friend from work or school. If OP wants to make gay friends, he needs to put effort into it. This means putting yourself out there, asking people out and trying to build on whatever gay connection you have. Two of my former hook-ups are now my closest gay friends and my friendship with them now is super platonic. So yes, even hook-ups can turn into genuine gay platonic friendships. I can relate to OP because I had the same issue when I first started coming out. But now, I'm deep in the gay scene where my entire social circle is 80% gay lol. All OP needs is to make a few gay friends first and once he has that, it will be easier to grow his gay social circle. OP can also try going for Out In SG events for a start. But just note that the people who attend OISG events aren't your typical SG scene gays, cos those gay guys OP envies on IG don't need OISG to expand their social circle. But it's a good start nevertheless. Edited October 21, 2020 by Gayleo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yoyo74 Posted October 21, 2020 Report Share Posted October 21, 2020 45 minutes ago, Why? said: Friends are people who are just physically presence beside you, but they may not be your true companion. but all true companion need to start from friends Kimochi 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yoyo74 Posted October 21, 2020 Report Share Posted October 21, 2020 14 minutes ago, Gayleo said: My point to OP is that it is not easy to make gay friends, especially when you are closeted/discreet with no connections. Unlike straight people, we don't have the luxury of meeting a bunch of gay guys with common interests through our natural course of life. Closeted/discreet people normally ends up in a hopeless situation living a life of loneliness. They need to break out of the closet to meet other gay guys or suffer alone forever. 14 minutes ago, Gayleo said: OP can also try going for Out In SG events for a start. But just note that the people who attend OISG events aren't your typical scene gays, cos those gay guys OP envies on IG don't need OISG to expand their social circle. But it's a good start nevertheless. Out in SG had lots of different event and make events for almost every interest groups. Even my running group is also part of its event before this covid situation when the main running organizer collaborate with them. TS will need to choose between making friends by interest group or the typical gay scene path or he can even choose both if he got too much time at hand to make lots of friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Why? Posted October 21, 2020 Report Share Posted October 21, 2020 2 hours ago, yoyo74 said: but all true companion need to start from friends No! All true companion starts from someone approaching you and say " Hey buddy! wanna fuck?". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greenliv Posted October 21, 2020 Report Share Posted October 21, 2020 7 minutes ago, Why? said: No! All true companion starts from someone approaching you and say " Hey buddy! wanna fuck?". Lol, so hey buddy, wanna f? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 21, 2020 Report Share Posted October 21, 2020 15 hours ago, Guest Benefits said: I realised some want to be friends with some intentions behind. Some want to borrow money, some want you to run errands for them or conveniently ask you to help them this and that. Once I realised I have no interest to talk to them or replied with 1 or 2 words only. But they are not happy cause I show disinterested face to them. But I really cant help it. Is automatic expression. I just want to quickly be away from them. But once I start to smile to them, trouble coming, they will ask this and that. Can you do me a favour? Can you help me? May God bless you. Heavy need help, not heavy also need help. Lunch also need to service. No chicken no chinese food. Want prawn or fish. Nope today eat vegetarian. Why my whatapps not working. Can you send the links again. Can you configure my new phone? Can you help me to transfer money? Can you pay my bills? Cause I treat you like son. Can you help to put back the key? Can you bring over the pen to me? "My name" can you help me this? " My name" can you help me that? Can you help me do this weekend? My friend told me run quickly run den deng den deng den deng Jaw is coming... This is the reality whether you are making friends with straight, gay or with man or woman, most people only want to be friends with intentions behind. When there is no more intentions, friendship will fade away slowly. I have met many such friends, don't know i am unlucky or what. This is the reason i have not much interest in making new friends anymore. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
upshot Posted October 21, 2020 Report Share Posted October 21, 2020 (edited) With over 5 decades under my belt... I know this for certain. Real good loyal friends, I can count with my fingers. So call 'friends in general' I am lucky it last 5 yrs before I can count them on my fingers... and usually more about what I can provide to help their needs than about doing things as good friends in common through good and bad times. The concept of friendship seem so lost today. The irony it brings to mind that saying "A friend in need is a friend indeed" which sound so confusing as it was supposed to mean 'someone going through difficulty and in need of help, a true friend will support them. Doing so in time of need, shows them to be a real friend' but now when I read it again, by today's context directly, it sounds like a dark truth directly translated hehe..Sound like "a friend who have need of you is a friend indeed" So it means, once you are of no usefulness, they leave... the irony of language but so much truth. Given how hard it is to find good friend(s), you too have to be truthful as to why you want friend(s) to begin with. Friendship is about commonality, it's earned and always needs work to keep it going.. And yes just like relationship of so called 'Love' without the messy SEX part. Even a family relationship requires effort to keep it strong. Stop reading stupid HALLMARK cards. Real life is not fated or rainbow castles. Nothing "just happens and stay happy ever after'. There is no such thing as bumping around till you bump into one. A friend comes with both good and bad attributes just like you. YOU ALSO HAVE TO WORK UP TO IT. If you like that person enough, you have to take them for what they are in total as they do you. If you can give up on someone just because of a small thing you do not like about them, then they are not the problem, something inside you is. Like many other qualities I look for in a FRIEND, I care NOT if he is gay or not. There are a vast number of more honourable qualities that matters to me than whom my friend bed with. Many other qualities that make one a good human and openly practised by everyone more commonly than focus on MY gay part of myself that most do not share or care to know. I can accept the argument that maybe someone gay might relate with me being gay better for some reason and thus seek gay friend(s). Gay does not always mean they being gay person can solve it or solve it better. Or are you looking for commonality for selfish reason(s)? If not, your idea of looking for a friend should not discriminate. It's a very thin line but it is very telling of who you are. It's sad that I find the meaning of FRIENDSHIP in this day and age so lost in its definition. Edited October 21, 2020 by upshot Dart 1 Quote ** Comments are my opinions, same as yours. It's not a 'Be-All-and-End-All' view. Intent's to thought-provoke, validate, reiterate and yes, even correct. Opinion to consider but agree to disagree. I don't enjoy conflicted exchanges, empty bravado or egoistical chest pounding. It's never personal, tribalistic or with malice. Frank by nature, means, I never bend the truth. Views are to broaden understanding - Updated: Nov 2021. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gayleo Posted October 21, 2020 Report Share Posted October 21, 2020 5 hours ago, yoyo74 said: Closeted/discreet people normally ends up in a hopeless situation living a life of loneliness. They need to break out of the closet to meet other gay guys or suffer alone forever. Out in SG had lots of different event and make events for almost every interest groups. Even my running group is also part of its event before this covid situation when the main running organizer collaborate with them. TS will need to choose between making friends by interest group or the typical gay scene path or he can even choose both if he got too much time at hand to make lots of friends. Honest opinion, how are OISG event participants pre-COVID like? Judging from the OISG event photos, it seems like a very artsy, socially awkward, expat/potato queens type of group? Members also all seem kind of old? wilfgene 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
yoyo74 Posted October 21, 2020 Report Share Posted October 21, 2020 (edited) 1 hour ago, Gayleo said: Honest opinion, how are OISG event participants pre-COVID like? Judging from the OISG event photos, it seems like a very artsy, socially awkward, expat/potato queens type of group? Members also all seem kind of old? Actually i have not yet join any of their events yet except that my running group event became part of their event i think once a month during pre covid times. During pre covid times when 2 groups join together getting 30 plus people to run together is a norm. That group invites all age, race and nationality. Having some expats/potato queens is not strange but there are many other types of LGBT people in the group as well too as can be seen from their FB photos. Ever since the collaboration of the 2 groups, we got more people from their group join us run while my running group people also started join their events as they got enormous amount of different things to join up. Edited October 21, 2020 by yoyo74 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Okay Posted October 21, 2020 Report Share Posted October 21, 2020 2 hours ago, upshot said: With over 5 decades under my belt... I know this for certain. Real good loyal friends, I can count with my fingers. So call 'friends in general' I am lucky it last 5 yrs before I can count them on my fingers... and usually more about what I can provide to help their needs than about doing things as good friends in common through good and bad times. The concept of friendship seem so lost today. The irony it brings to mind that saying "A friend in need is a friend indeed" which sound so confusing as it was supposed to mean 'someone going through difficulty and in need of help, a true friend will support them. Doing so in time of need, shows them to be a real friend' but now when I read it again, by today's context directly, it sounds like a dark truth directly translated hehe..Sound like "a friend who have need of you is a friend indeed" So it means, once you are of no usefulness, they leave... the irony of language but so much truth. Given how hard it is to find good friend(s), you too have to be truthful as to why you want friend(s) to begin with. Friendship is about commonality, it's earned and always needs work to keep it going.. And yes just like relationship of so called 'Love' without the messy SEX part. Even a family relationship requires effort to keep it strong. Stop reading stupid HALLMARK cards. Real life is not fated or rainbow castles. Nothing "just happens and stay happy ever after'. There is no such thing as bumping around till you bump into one. A friend comes with both good and bad attributes just like you. YOU ALSO HAVE TO WORK UP TO IT. If you like that person enough, you have to take them for what they are in total as they do you. If you can give up on someone just because of a small thing you do not like about them, then they are not the problem, something inside you is. Like many other qualities I look for in a FRIEND, I care NOT if he is gay or not. There are a vast number of more honourable qualities that matters to me than whom my friend bed with. Many other qualities that make one a good human and openly practised by everyone more commonly than focus on MY gay part of myself that most do not share or care to know. I can accept the argument that maybe someone gay might relate with me being gay better for some reason and thus seek gay friend(s). Gay does not always mean they being gay person can solve it or solve it better. Or are you looking for commonality for selfish reason(s)? If not, your idea of looking for a friend should not discriminate. It's a very thin line but it is very telling of who you are. It's sad that I find the meaning of FRIENDSHIP in this day and age so lost in its definition. Yes! Thank you! 7 hours ago, yoyo74 said: Closeted/discreet people normally ends up in a hopeless situation living a life of loneliness. They need to break out of the closet to meet other gay guys or suffer alone forever. That's kinda a strong statement. I would agree that the most fulfilling life is a life led honestly (i.e. being true to yourself, coming out eventually), but why should it be an issue when a person — regardless of sexuality — is just private in nature? Tim Cook is gay, and he's been honest about it when it matters. He's also a very private person. Is he "in a hopeless situation living a life of loneliness", "suffering alone forever"? People can do whatever they want, but if they're not doing it for the right reasons, whatever they do is useless. I know you were referring to long-term closet cases or men who lead a double life, but I just wanted to try to clarify. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
caindukker Posted October 21, 2020 Report Share Posted October 21, 2020 On 10/20/2020 at 6:07 PM, sobbies said: It's a problem I'm struggling with, because on my social media I can see a lot of gays have their own friends/groups. Which is nice to have, to able to go gym, bar, clubbing, explore any gay scenes etc, together. Normally if I chat people up either on social media or apps, they're either interested to have fun with you or just looking for bf, if you're not into either of these, they will just disappear. Maybe this is my attitude problem? Any advice? Always wanted someone like you described. But they usually end up wanting me to be their bfs. It's such a waste cause after we clicked with so much interest, they want something from me that I can't give them. So we end up going our separate ways. In the end, my straight bro friends are good enough. I have one straight friend who is married with children but have lunches with me, goes to the gym with me and even check out hot guys with me. The only thing he won't do with me is shopping, it's not like he finds it weird, he just doesn't spend much on clothes. So I leave the shopping parts with my lady friends who drags their husbands to go shopping with me everytime. Lol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Out Posted October 22, 2020 Report Share Posted October 22, 2020 10 hours ago, Guest Okay said: Yes! Thank you! That's kinda a strong statement. I would agree that the most fulfilling life is a life led honestly (i.e. being true to yourself, coming out eventually), but why should it be an issue when a person — regardless of sexuality — is just private in nature? Tim Cook is gay, and he's been honest about it when it matters. He's also a very private person. Is he "in a hopeless situation living a life of loneliness", "suffering alone forever"? People can do whatever they want, but if they're not doing it for the right reasons, whatever they do is useless. I know you were referring to long-term closet cases or men who lead a double life, but I just wanted to try to clarify. As someone who is currently 'out' but used to be closeted, I agree with the strong statement of "Closeted/discreet people normally ends up in a hopeless situation living a life of loneliness. They need to break out of the closet to meet other gay guys or suffer alone forever." There is a big difference between being closeted and being private. Tim Cook is private, meaning he doesn't broadcast his life publicly. But he is definitely not closeted and lives his life freely and honestly. Have you noticed 'out' gay men all tend to have a primarily gay social circle? That is because straight friendships just cannot compare to gay friendships! There are a lot of nuances in the gay community that straight people just don't get. Plus, once your straight friend gets married and has a kid, you will always be a secondary priority to them. So once you start coming out of the closet and make some good gay friends, trust me you will suddenly realise just how much you were missing out on before. Before you know it, you will become one of those gay guys you see on IG who has such an active life with a healthy gay social circle. Going on holiday with a bunch of gay friends is 100x much more enjoyable than going on holiday with straight bros or faghags. I used to date this discreet guy and omg it was exhausting. Dare not take photo together, cannot show him in IG story. He was always so paranoid over nothing, and that was one of the reasons why I dumped him because it was just exhausting dating a discreet guy. Since then, I will not date a discreet guy anymore cos its really not worth it. Closeted/discreet guys will end up living a half-fulfilled life. They have no idea what they are missing out on and will spend their lives being paranoid over nothing, always observing the gay community from the outskirts of social media and never knowing what it's like to truly live an open fulfilling life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Okay Posted October 22, 2020 Report Share Posted October 22, 2020 1 hour ago, Guest Out said: As someone who is currently 'out' but used to be closeted, I agree with the strong statement of "Closeted/discreet people normally ends up in a hopeless situation living a life of loneliness. They need to break out of the closet to meet other gay guys or suffer alone forever." There is a big difference between being closeted and being private. Tim Cook is private, meaning he doesn't broadcast his life publicly. But he is definitely not closeted and lives his life freely and honestly. You start your post with this, but then go on to seemingly contradict it, and make some of the more bizarre claims I've seen in a while I couldn't tell if you were being satirical or sarcastic. You speak of nuance, yet again there is a conflation of being long-term closeted & living a false life, and living a honest life (i.e. being true to yourself, coming out eventually) that just so happens to be private. It's just a false dichotomy to me that every gay man has to live either unhappily in a closet long-term or happily as an incredibly-obnoxious loud and proud social media butterfly. I will add that what you learn from social media isn't always indicative of reality. In any case, we both agree at the basic level that closeted ≠ private , so let's just agree to disagree. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kimochi Posted October 23, 2020 Report Share Posted October 23, 2020 On 10/21/2020 at 4:35 AM, tic-toc said: what good vibes? I want fun and bf! ☺️ So slutty! LIKE 🤣 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kimochi Posted October 23, 2020 Report Share Posted October 23, 2020 On 10/21/2020 at 7:46 PM, Why? said: No! All true companion starts from someone approaching you and say " Hey buddy! wanna fuck?". Depend on situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Out Posted October 24, 2020 Report Share Posted October 24, 2020 On 10/22/2020 at 2:42 PM, Guest Okay said: You start your post with this, but then go on to seemingly contradict it, and make some of the more bizarre claims I've seen in a while I couldn't tell if you were being satirical or sarcastic. You speak of nuance, yet again there is a conflation of being long-term closeted & living a false life, and living a honest life (i.e. being true to yourself, coming out eventually) that just so happens to be private. It's just a false dichotomy to me that every gay man has to live either unhappily in a closet long-term or happily as an incredibly-obnoxious loud and proud social media butterfly. I will add that what you learn from social media isn't always indicative of reality. In any case, we both agree at the basic level that closeted ≠ private , so let's just agree to disagree. You are twisting my words out of context. My point is discreet/closeted guys will never be able to live a fully realised life because of their cowardice and paranoia. I never said one needs to live a public life on social media to have a realised life. Only that as long as one remains scared/ashamed about his sexuality, he will never experience the full potential of what gay life has to offer. Tim Cook for example, is a private person but lives a fully realised life that is 100% honest and authentic. While discreet guys like you lurk around blowing wind and probably don't even have more than two gay friends. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Okay Posted October 24, 2020 Report Share Posted October 24, 2020 2 hours ago, Guest Out said: You are twisting my words out of context. My point is discreet/closeted guys will never be able to live a fully realised life because of their cowardice and paranoia. I never said one needs to live a public life on social media to have a realised life. Only that as long as one remains scared/ashamed about his sexuality, he will never experience the full potential of what gay life has to offer. Tim Cook for example, is a private person but lives a fully realised life that is 100% honest and authentic. While discreet guys like you lurk around blowing wind and probably don't even have more than two gay friends. Would you be so kind as to define "discreet" and "gay life"? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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