Alone

[fragile being]

I’m starting to find comfort in solitude and in being by myself but idk if that’s a good thing or if it’ll end up killing me. I have too much thoughts in my head that idk if being alone is good for my me tal health. At the same time, I never want to bother those around me nor let them see a more fragile version of myself.

 

I’m so lost rn and so numb that i don’t even know what to do or expect. Maybe being alone is what I truly deserve.

[Rohanpune]

Hey there,

it’s not that u deserve it, being alone can also mean u are more comfortable with yourself now, it could be a good thing. And as for the thoughts u might want to get some help. These thoughts are loud iykyk and they won’t stop and hit u like a wave all of a sudden. I am not the best person to advise you but I do know this. Get help, it helped me a lot. Having an anchor in life helps u to not listen to those thoughts. Get help pls. 
and again being alone is not a bad thing, it’s the society’s norm that makes it feel that way. If u r comfortable with yourself then so be it. But yeah having friends helps us. 

[fab]

I need at least one day of me time a week. Eat sleep do whatever I wanna do otot.

 

If you have suicidal thoughts, please seek help 18002214444.

[radiusulnar]

alone time gives you space to reflect

[fragile being]

@Rohanpune yeah I am healing mentally as my me mental health has depleted and dropped significantly since something happened and it literally almost killed me. I sought for help but me being me, I don’t want to be a burden.

 

I’m okay with being alone and to have some self-care but when I’m alone too often, the thoughts come rushing and I feel unsafe with my own company

[fragile being]

@fab when I go out alone, i do those things and enjoy my own company too but when it’s too often, I’m drowning in my own darkness.

 

I called the helpline before — they’re a gem.

[fragile being]

@radiusulnar yeah it does and it helps me learn to enjoy my own company, but sometimes my darkness consumes me and i become someone i don’t recognise.

[radiusulnar]

@fragile being take care! remember that morning always comes!

[AgentFit]

Hi @fragile being 

 

It must be difficult for you, and I am glad you speak up here.  It is a very serious matter, so I think it deserves proper attention.

I found this article, which suggest some tips to coping with being alone.  Take a look at the 11 tips:

https://au.reachout.com/articles/11-things-to-do-if-youre-feeling-lonely

 

For eg, the article speaks about speaking to like-minded people, or  keeping pets etc, and to me physical activity is v important.

 

There's also a very useful article in Healthhub for Singaporeans - take a read here:

https://www.healthhub.sg/live-healthy/231/dont_mope_cope

 

Also, don't be afraid to reach out to professionals for help:

 Samaritans Of Singapore (24 Hours: 1800-221-4444) and Mental Health Helpline (24 Hours: 6389-2222)

 

Take care, and may you get better soon,

and one day, to be able to help others.

 

 

 

[iKneadyou]

Hi 5

[And then]

On 10/14/2022 at 4:34 PM, AgentFit said:

 

Also, don't be afraid to reach out to professionals for help:

 Samaritans Of Singapore (24 Hours: 1800-221-4444) and Mental Health Helpline (24 Hours: 6389-2222)

 

 

 

Personally I am not superstitious, but that phone number 4444 is just awful

[fab]

@fragile being we all come to this world alone. Friend is good to have. But u must be strong and don't allow yourself to be walloped by self-pity. 

[IkuTube]

Dear @fragile being,

 

It is fine wanting to be alone.  But, it is important to be in the awareness why there is a need to it.  One example of that choice could be from the feeling of social lethargy where one feels burned out and there is a need to spend more time loving oneself.

 

Not everyone can be alone and it may not be a comfortable environment.  Be mindful to the choice and its reason(s).  Do not do it to escape from life or a forced emotional social withdrawal.  

 

There is a different between being alone and being lonely.  You have to be at peace with being alone.  When there is peace, there shall be joy in getting to know your soul where it helps you to understand and appreciate yourself.  It guides you to process your life and to be a better individual in return.

 

However, do monitor the process.  Should the choice to be alone become a lonely and depressive one, seek help.

 

[fragile being]

@AgentFit Thank you so much for the articles. I have read them and will try to exercise them. I'll be fine for now, don't worry but should I feel like I'm slipping away, I will do the necessary to seek help. I appreciate it and you. cheers.

[fragile being]

Hi @IkuTube,  the sense of loneliness I'm feeling is not due to me having my social energy depleted. I just feel like It's best I stay away from my closed ones so as to not bother them with my own things. Of course it hurts but I feel like I'm wired to think that I deserve to be alone at this point. I'm trying to open up more but trauma is making it hard for me to trust people again. Idk if it's considered running from problems but if the shoe fits then...

[Pennys90]

.

Edited October 14, 2022 by Pennys90

[Guest DonsonKwa]

evening,  it is not advisable to detach urself fr family / relatives & those close frees who r straight.

continue to stay connected to them.  I am also like u once quite depressed,  close ones r the one 

that will help u.  of course u need some space.  do take care my frenzy.   

[Steve5380]

Hi @fragile being.  

 

It is fine to be alone and solitary as long as you love yourself,  you entertain yourself, and you are at peace.   But this state should be YOUR CHOICE, not a compulsion.

 

And fragile is only justified if it comes from a health condition.  If you are physically healthy, you should develop strength and come out of "fragile".  This goes for mental and emotional fragility as well.  You can cultivate your spirit so that it becomes strong.

 

How to cultivate the spirit?   In my experience, it happens by looking inside and with some meditation identifying the FEELINGS of HAPPINESS and SELF WORTH.  These feelings DON"T NEED any justification, remember this.  We can be miserable and full of problems,  but we still can simulate a feeling of happiness in our fantasy.  Do it often, and you may be able to conjure this feeling at will.  Same with the feeling of being important and worthy in your eyes and in the eyes of the world.  Again,  practice makes perfect.

 

Once your spirit is strong and you are in possession of happiness and self worth at will,  you are ready to tackle the important subject of social skills.  

 

Lose any fear of "bothering your close ones with your own things".   Neither the close ones nor the complete strangers.  After you are born, you have the RIGHT to bother exist for the whole society,   You have your place under the Sun,  not less and not more worthy than anyone else. 

 

The end result is that you should be able to enjoy your solitude,  and enjoy your social contact with others,  depending on YOUR OWN CHOICE at a particular time.

[fragile being]

@DonsonKwa I am tryin my best to be around those i love and I still cling on to the dearest ones near me but idk… I never want to be a burden. I will take care of myself or try my best to

[fragile being]

@Steve5380 Thank you so much for the tips and for words of encouragement. I am truly trying my best and slowly trying to heal but the darkness often consumes me… I will pick myself up slowly i guess

[Steve5380]

@fragile being, be perseverant and don't give up trying.  Perseverance is the one tool for success.

 

Contrary to bad things that can happen to us in an instant,  any improvements in our condition take time, sometimes long time.  It is interesting that for anything we aspire to be,  it helps immensely if we can imagine in our mind already BEING that what we want to become.  Call this autosuggestion?  But it is the opposing process to the autosuggestion that convinces us that we are what we think we are, based on what came not from us but from our environment.

 

Take for example being gay.  Any negatives we feel for being gay are ideas that don't come from us.  They come from the outside,  from organized religion if you like me have been educated in a religious school,  or come from malevolent peers, or come from our family, which should instead shield us from these negatives.  So we let our brains be washed with convictions that we are inferior sinners,  undesirable, incapable to do a bunch of things, deservers of rejection, etc.  All this is autosuggestion. 

 

And here is where an auto -  counter - suggestion helps by making us feel that we can be what we want to be.  If we discover the feeling of happiness, this means that... we CAN BE happy.  If we imagine ourselves surrounded by friends who respect us,  this means that... we CAN BE respected.   And so we direct our efforts to make these realities.

[Rohanpune]

@fragile being just know u r not a burden for anyone u r enough to be yourself. Also look at the response to ur post the number of ppl reaching out to u here on this page. U r not alone in this. The ppl posting here, most of us have been where I have and we know it’s not easy and you will need help. Help to guide u through this. It’s like when u walk through a path u don’t know, dont u need some guidance, it’s just like that get help to guide u through. 
man’s if anything pls do dm me I can lend a ear at least  

[MarriedBiTop]

I have a frd, 58 yo now. He had several relationships before but none worked out. 

He decided to stay single. 

 

He still keeps in toucb with his friends, most of whicb have families. 

 

He jogs 2 times a week

He gyms once a week

He keeps plants at home

He cooks 2 times a week

He cleans his apt once a week

He does his laundry once a week

He meets his frd for either dinner or card games once a week..

 

He told me  I AM.SO BUSY I DONT HAVE TIME TO DO ANYTHING ELSE, AND I DONT FEEL LONELY AT ALL...

 

Just so you know, there are many married me  who feel lonely, stressed, too, even when they hv family n kids..

 

Like many who responded before me.

 

Dont be afraid to seek help. Sometimes all you need is a professional to guide you along. 

 

 

[fragile being]

@Steve5380 I will try my best. Indeed, turning towards the positive and focusing more on what are beyond my control will prevent my head from being overloaded with thoughts but of course, it, along with myself, is still a work in progress. I hope to be able to achieve serenity and happiness again one day.

[Steve5380]

@fragile being, you have a good proposition.   We should be "a work in progress" throughout our whole life.   I personally reached serenity and happiness in my middle age, which left me with some decades to enjoy it, and maybe two more.

[Guest Color of the Wind]

19 hours ago, Steve5380 said:

I personally reached serenity and happiness in my middle age

People can achieved serenity, because they have led a tough life filled with obstacles in their earlier years.  After they have overcame all those traumas in life, serenity surfaced like a rainbow after a storm,  I don't know if it is true for you, but I know it is for me. 

[Guest Wondering]

My relative surrendered himself to police for taking drug. I think is called 'ping'. 2nd time again. He was married before. But wife left him. He got two children. Both follow mother. He stayed with his father. 

 

Suddenly, I imagined myself being on his shoes. And I feel so alone. Maybe that's why he was tempted to do drug again. 

 

Maybe if he still has a wife and children, maybe his life will be more fulfilling and meaningful and wont be feeling alone and do drug again. 

 

Even if it sounds selfish, deep down I was thinking if he wasn't staying his father, maybe his wife still with him. He still have children with him. 

 

 

[Steve5380]

2 hours ago, Guest Color of the Wind said:

People can achieved serenity, because they have led a tough life filled with obstacles in their earlier years.  After they have overcame all those traumas in life, serenity surfaced like a rainbow after a storm,  I don't know if it is true for you, but I know it is for me. 

 

I second your opinion.  And what leads to this serenity is the "overcoming".   There may be few lives without obstacles,  which if not being overcome may lead to old age that can be very unhappy.  It is important to learn to overcome obstacles, some with success and other with failure,  but nonetheless,  "overcome".

[Guest Time Cruiser]

There's someone just like you here. It's me. I used to find solace in solitude and was consumed by darkness many times, causing me to never socialize. But then I found out that this didn't solve the problem at all. Thank God I'm still alive, and now I can talk a lot with friends or customers. No more feeling any fear and negative effects. When I met someone who mocked me before, I will always kill em with 'kindness'. Although I'm fine now, but the darkness will be part of my life. After all, it can keep me safe for the rest of my life.😁

 

At last, hope you can come out from the darkness and return to

normal life as soon as possible.💪

[Guest Old]

Recently this topic about old and alone revisited my mind again. If old, no children to take care of me when I'm old, sick or got walking difficulty how ah? But sometimes I think I'm not very good with people, even with children would our relation not good. No matter how i said will try to take good care of myself but when old that time, body becomes weak no matter how body will still become weak. Vision and hearing becomes poor. Really started to feel the reality of getting old compared to last time I would feel people always use old as an excuse. Maybe karma.

[Guest Time Cruiser]

1 hour ago, Guest Old said:

Recently this topic about old and alone revisited my mind again. If old, no children to take care of me when I'm old, sick or got walking difficulty how ah? But sometimes I think I'm not very good with people, even with children would our relation not good. No matter how i said will try to take good care of myself but when old that time, body becomes weak no matter how body will still become weak. Vision and hearing becomes poor. Really started to feel the reality of getting old compared to last time I would feel people always use old as an excuse. Maybe karma.

I used to think like that, but right now I just wanna live at the moment. Don't think too much for the unconfirm future. As you can see there are so much beautiful of this world why need to make yourself become sadness?

[Guest Hahaha]

You just haven't found people whom you can connect well with, whether as a friend or partner. Try pushing yourself out of your comfort zone and take part in activities that you enjoy that involve meeting new people.

[Guest guest]

12 hours ago, Guest Hahaha said:

You just haven't found people whom you can connect well with, whether as a friend or partner. Try pushing yourself out of your comfort zone and take part in activities that you enjoy that involve meeting new people.

You also need to know the right channel to get to meet new people. Many people simply do not know where to take part in activities.

[Guest upset with society]

10 minutes ago, Guest guest said:

You also need to know the right channel to get to meet new people. Many people simply do not know where to take part in activities.

 

what if i hate meeting ppl because ppl are fake. they just want something from u, sex or whatever then u are ghosted.

its so fake. human are so disgusting.

[Steve5380]

On 5/4/2023 at 6:59 AM, Guest Old said:

Recently this topic about old and alone revisited my mind again. If old, no children to take care of me when I'm old, sick or got walking difficulty how ah? But sometimes I think I'm not very good with people, even with children would our relation not good. No matter how i said will try to take good care of myself but when old that time, body becomes weak no matter how body will still become weak. Vision and hearing becomes poor. Really started to feel the reality of getting old compared to last time I would feel people always use old as an excuse. Maybe karma.

 

To age alone without wife and children should not be such a bad deal.  It costs us much more in money and time to care for a family, than what it costs to care for an elderly man. 

 

So by NOT caring for wife and children, you should have a positive balance of money and energy to care for YOURSELF before you are very old and vulnerable.  It is normal to start feeling a little old, but you should be able to remain fully functional and care for yourself nearly until the last breath.

 

It is also fine to not want to be sociable.  But keep your spirit high, be solitary but not lonely, and feel happy being with yourself. 

[Steve5380]

On 5/4/2023 at 8:13 AM, Guest Time Cruiser said:

I used to think like that, but right now I just wanna live at the moment. Don't think too much for the unconfirm future. As you can see there are so much beautiful of this world why need to make yourself become sadness?

 

You also live from pay check to pay check?   Without saving any money?  With so many nice things to spend money on,  why miss this opportunity and not spend up to the last dollar?

[Guest guest]

1 hour ago, Guest upset with society said:

 

what if i hate meeting ppl because ppl are fake. they just want something from u, sex or whatever then u are ghosted.

its so fake. human are so disgusting.

True, there are many disgusting and not nice people around. You can already find them posting in BW. No wonder you said you hate meeting people.

[Guest Time Cruiser]

On 5/5/2023 at 10:04 PM, Steve5380 said:

 

You also live from pay check to pay check?   Without saving any money?  With so many nice things to spend money on,  why miss this opportunity and not spend up to the last dollar?

My monthly income is depending on how much that I sold the property and it could be more than a million gross commission when the lucky moments is come. And ya I just spent it for my daily expenses such like food and transport fee. Sometimes will having fun with my friend at bar. Enjoying something you shouldn't miss out cause you are born in this way.

[Steve5380]

7 hours ago, Guest Time Cruiser said:

My monthly income is depending on how much that I sold the property and it could be more than a million gross commission when the lucky moments is come. And ya I just spent it for my daily expenses such like food and transport fee. Sometimes will having fun with my friend at bar. Enjoying something you shouldn't miss out cause you are born in this way.

 

You are spending your income wisely, and you are not squandering it.   Then you hopefully also spend your youth wisely,  living well at the moment but also investing some of your youthful time in creating the habits of healthy lifetime that will preserve the attributes of your youth for decades to come.   In this way, you won't feel old at 60.  Instead, you will remain fully healthy,  looking handsome,  hopefully with a good relationship,  and...   you may feel like I do:  " feel weird being the same age as others who already are so old".  

.

Edited May 7, 2023 by Steve5380