lampshade Posted September 7, 2006 Report Share Posted September 7, 2006 Hey guys ! I need your advice.Saw my female colleague's husband in a gay sauna many times. Everytime I go there, I tend to meet him. At first we said hi to each other. But now I feel so uncomfortable that I just avoid him. Once, I saw him on the 2nd day of Chinese new year and asked him why he was not with his family. He asked me to mind my own business.I am just guilty whenever I face my female colleague. She is one of my best female friend too.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kerbee10 Posted September 7, 2006 Report Share Posted September 7, 2006 知人而意，知心为关。说了不是告诉了她你也是同性者，除非她知道你的事。如是我，我不会说，而会向她的丈夫多了解。 :thumb: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lampshade Posted September 7, 2006 Author Report Share Posted September 7, 2006 I have no problems if she comes to know about my sexual preference. It is the last thing that bothers me.What I am worrying is my female friend. She told me she is unhappy because she has no marriage life. She thinks that is what happens to all married couple, each living their own life, stays together for the sake of the son.I don't think its my secret to tell because I have no rights to interfere with other's marriage life. But I am in a dilemma too because I know the source of my female friends' problem and I am not helping her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VOCE Posted September 7, 2006 Report Share Posted September 7, 2006 But if your tell her that her husband is gay, it will not make her husband go back to her also. Just put it this way, if someone saw you in sauna, you don't expect them to tell your parent also right?May be what you should do is to talk to the husband, and let the husband do his own decision or judgement. Do not interfere into other people's family problem, no matter how close you with the wife. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kerbee10 Posted September 7, 2006 Report Share Posted September 7, 2006 结合是两个人的事，婚姻是两个人的事，因了解而牵红线，因了解而各自飞。明明之中有安排，他们的文题还是又他们来解决和解开，你 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chubbylover Posted September 7, 2006 Report Share Posted September 7, 2006 This is a tough decision indeed...Summing up:(1) Tell her, and risk yourself being exposed to her that you are a gay too: (i) if she is a bitch: creates a big hoo-ha abt it, announce to the whole world abt you being a gay and may have led her husband into the scene as well. Your parents and friends know abt it, you suddenly see your whole world turning upside down, you are as good as dead (ii) if she is a bitch: creates a big hoo-ha abt it, announce to the whole world abt you being a gay and may have led her husband into the scene as well. Your parents and friends know abt it, but you are alright with it and glad that your actions have proven her to be a world class whore, and move on with life. (iii) if she is appreciative: she would be really glad that you have helped her tremendously in identifying the true hubby that she thought she knew so well, and helped her saved her future time and efforts on such a lousy investment which gives her negative returns on a bull and bear market. She would be even more appreciative of you becos she understands that revealing your true identity is not as simple as putting on that lipstick every morning before work. She will treasure your trust and confidence on her. (iv) if she is the ungrateful arse: she is shocked of the news, and suddenly becomes angry with all gays, including you, although she knows that its no fault of yours (but what to do? all women are dumb, blondes or not) and asks you to mind your own biz. She starts to ignore you and may even feels bad abt it, but as usual always too proud to admit that she is in the wrong, and you see your friendship with her being strained.(2) Don't tell her:Oh this is simple...whatever that is being mentioned above will not happen. You may want to ask her to bring her hubby along for some marriage counselling. You may even want to be very upfront about it and ask her to reconsider abt her marriage if she feels that its not working out well for her...for a very simple reason: ladies, unlike men, have a shelf life. While she is still young and desirable she better think of settling down with someone who can deliver the goods, and make herself productive, or risked ended up as another can of unfinished kaya in the fridge past its expiry date. Men, on the other hand, aged gracefully, and turn sexier with age. Ladies, sadly, do not enjoy that priviledge (Yah...the women DUN get it)So do weigh the pros and cons before deciding whether you should tell her the news. As for talking to the husband, in my opinion I would say forget it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baloo Posted September 7, 2006 Report Share Posted September 7, 2006 My personal opinion, you can talk to the husband. But you cannot talk to the wife even though she is your close work place friend.You know the husband's secret leow... so it's ok to talk when in the sauna, or out for private session of coffee etc.but to divulge this secret to the wife, who know nothing, may create great problems for thier marriage.Granted, she says no marriage life - what does she mean by that anyway? marriage life means a lot of things... better be sure what is it she means...In any case, if you really intend to help, then be a friend to the husband and find out the reasons lor. then you can make 'friendly, innocent suggestions to wife on 'how to improve' if there is any room for improvement'but mostly, it would be best to respect their right to privacy. they must have their own reasons (they have young children?) - and the truth could hurt a lot of innocent people, especially young children. whether it's a messy divorce, or separation, or just open 'warfare' at home not amounting to divorce... the children will be innocent victims... all becos some outsider hero and upset the delicate balance of stalemate, and at least peaceful if not sometimes happy family - where children are concerned...just my opinions... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lampshade Posted September 8, 2006 Author Report Share Posted September 8, 2006 Oh !!!! seems more complicated than I imagined....Actually, it isn't just yesterday that I've discovered this. When I attended their marriage 12 years ago, her husband's face seemed "familiar". Both he and I understood and "see through each other" immediately. I said nothing hoping that things would change. Some people are bi-sexual anyway and they too, have the rights to get married and start a family life.Being realistic, I also don't expect someone to be monogamous. But meeting him in the sauna everytime is difficult to bear. To be appreciated is not my motive. I just hope she could start a new life with someone she deserves before she becomes too old. I also hope her husband is reading this forum. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chubbylover Posted September 8, 2006 Report Share Posted September 8, 2006 Actually, it isn't just yesterday that I've discovered this. When I attended their marriage 12 years ago, her husband's face seemed "familiar". Both he and I understood and "see through each other" immediately. I said nothing hoping that things would change. Some people are bi-sexual anyway and they too, have the rights to get married and start a family life.Being realistic, I also don't expect someone to be monogamous. But meeting him in the sauna everytime is difficult to bear. To be appreciated is not my motive. I just hope she could start a new life with someone she deserves before she becomes too old. I also hope her husband is reading this forum. What? you mean they have been married for 12 years? And you meant to say that you kinda detected something on that faithful day 12 years ago, and you only decided to act now? This is just plain fantastic. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baloo Posted September 8, 2006 Report Share Posted September 8, 2006 if you had tolerated this for 12 years, and suddenly want to do something, it's really not them who needs something...it's yourself.pls do a self check and be honest to yourself... what do you think is prompting you to do this? your personal relationships? your building sense of 'justice' becos some injustice had been done unto you?no need to reveal anything here... but really - do a self check...if they can stay married for 12 years. you better not be the hero to rock the boat...or are you secretly, unconsciously - after the husband? and want him for yourself??ok these are really pointed and obnoxious questions. I apologise for posting them so openly... but this is a serious reality check you need to do on yourself...it really has nothing to do with this couple... my personal opinion - let them be... they are both innocent... they just happen to be 'vehicles' to move YOUR inner demons and or motivations.just be mindful lor...peace bro - i really mean no offence... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lampshade Posted September 8, 2006 Author Report Share Posted September 8, 2006 No. I am not offended by yr postings. They help to put things in perspective. This has always been bothering in my mind for the past years. I had no one to turn to for advise. I thought doing nothing is better, until I meet her husband more and more often in the sauna (that also says that I visit the sauna more often than in the past )Maybe u all are right. As a typical good Singaporean, I should mind my own business and keep my mouth shut. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
oralb Posted September 9, 2006 Report Share Posted September 9, 2006 what's your objective of telling her, let's see what you have writtenTo be appreciated is not my motive. I just hope she could start a new life with someone she deserves before she becomes too old. now relationship is a funny thing, she may have complaint to you but that's doesnt mean the guy isnt what she deserves. i know of couples who constantly quarrels, but deep inside, they loved each other very much. maybe it's a lack of good communications.i would agree to what others have said, console the wife, be your good friend, but before you know the whole story (currently it is pretty 1-sided) i would advice you to continue the friendship.have you also consider she already knew her husband's flirting and preference in same sex? she wont tell you as it is mulu for her. by telling her the secret, not only you are admitting being a PLU, you are also opening up a scar she is trying to hide. Quote When I Think It, I Do It, I Win It! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skylancer Posted September 10, 2006 Report Share Posted September 10, 2006 Wat i think is that no point of helping if the husband dont want to do anything about it...But it might sound selfish, it is just that this is their life. They might talk about it alot of times to many ppl hope to find solution. This solution might not be the solution which they need.. so just listen and see how...When the time is right, then u tell them/her about it.. see how they feel.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rino_sg Posted September 15, 2006 Report Share Posted September 15, 2006 How different is this from bumping into your gay friend's boyfriend at the saunas? Would you tell him? It is the same dilemma. Unless you're very close to both of them and feel that they would listen to what you have to say before passing judgement, then go ahead and say it. Otherwise, you're just meddling in their affairs and perhaps makes things much much worse than it is. Sometimes, ignorance is bliss.I've been gay long enough to differentiate between love and sex, needs and wants, hopes and desires. But I've yet to learn how to reconcile the conflicting issues as nothing is black and white. I personally know a group of friends.. a girl, her husband, and another guy. They're all very close. But I know the husband has fallen in love with the other guy and they've been having an on-off sexual and emotional affair. Every one of them is not happy but they just find themselves stuck in the situation where there are just too many risks for either to let go. The girl doesn't know her husband is gay. None of us are prepared to tell her either as we do not know what can happen. People's lives and futures will get destroyed or changed forever the moment any of us open our mouths. That's what you get for being Bi and married, and still fooling around. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lampshade Posted September 16, 2006 Author Report Share Posted September 16, 2006 Just a little off the thread. from today's Italian newspaper "la Repubblica".A happy young heterosexual couple has invited their friends and family to their wedding reception in a restaurant in Valltellina, Italy. He is 31 years old, she is 28 years old. During the dinner, at one time, the bride did not see her husband around. Since it is time to cut the wedding cake, the bride went to the ladies' room to touch up on her make up. While doing so, she heard moaning sound from the adjacent male toilet and recognised it was her husband's. She went over to the male toilet and demanded her husband to come out of the cubicle. When the door was opened, there they were : her husband and his best male friend. http://www.repubblica.it/2006/09/sezioni/c...anzo-nozze.html Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted September 16, 2006 Report Share Posted September 16, 2006 Just a little off the thread. from today's Italian newspaper "la Repubblica". Wow, Lampshade understood Italian language and you translate it into English? Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lampshade Posted September 16, 2006 Author Report Share Posted September 16, 2006 yes I do. i did not translate the news article word by word. I just summarised it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
skylancer Posted October 28, 2006 Report Share Posted October 28, 2006 that is cool... i tot of going to learn jap... anyone want to koin me too Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bornfree Posted December 22, 2006 Report Share Posted December 22, 2006 for my view, jes BTN, Buat Tak Nampak, pretend nothing happen then it may not creat trouble in your friend's family Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seekachub Posted December 22, 2006 Report Share Posted December 22, 2006 sigh.....just let it be....why would u do something that will hurt both the husband and wife, when both of them did not ask you to do anything? Quote Treat people with respect to earn respect from others. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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