My Bf And His Ex Are Good Friends.....

[Guest rahrahahah]

Simple, ask him the same old question, want you or him.If he says you are the one, be generous, do some negotiation, and let him meet his ex once in a while. If he says him, slap him, drop a tear and break. Remember do not drag any longer. If there's a problem, we solve it. If we don't resolve it, it will evolved into a big brawl that we get involved into.

[Guest sillyguy]

I had same problem before. When my ex bf (caucasian) broke with his ex (caught cheating by him), we still shared the same apartment because his ex got nowhere to go. Then one night when my ex and I were sleeping, he came into bedroom to look for something. I went over to him and ask him if he wanted to sleep with us. he said yes and joined us in bed. at first, my ex was comfortable with him sleeping in the middle. but as we all grew drowsy and sleepy, we started touching and hugging each other. one thing led to next and we started a 3some. we ended up taking turns to sandwich one another and in the end, my ex took our 2 dicks up his hole. very very memorable. Why dun u try out this to smooth out your worries instead?

OMG... similar to my story.. but the thing is .. its my ex and my bf... we were hanging out overseas (he flew from another place) and we happened to share a hotel room together. Then, my bf kinda bonded well with my ex during the times we spend together.. then somehow one night my bf asked him if he wants to cuddle with us in bed as it was pretty cold.. then we just did a 3some and it was really great... cos everyone's ok with it and it made the 3 of us closer... come to think of it.. life is too short... its good to have 2 guys who cares for me...

[Guest mark]

Simple, ask him the same old question, want you or him.If he says you are the one, be generous, do some negotiation, and let him meet his ex once in a while. If he says him, slap him, drop a tear and break. Remember do not drag any longer. If there's a problem, we solve it. If we don't resolve it, it will evolved into a big brawl that we get involved into.

He dun want to choose.

He will say he will choose none.

[superflawless]

I am going to add my two cents.

Why must you model your relations based on what the heterosexual world is used to.

Which is: One man, one woman.

山不转，路转。

路不转，人转。

人不转，心转。

心不转，念转

转念吧！

We are gay.

The possibilities are endless.

Men are incapable of being faithful to one partner.

Anyone who disagrees with this fact is unwilling to own up to what's universally true.

My suggestion to you is:

Love your bf and get to know his ex.

Maybe you will like him too.

Why not have a threesome?

If your bf is unwilling to make a commitment to you, and you cannot accept his ex, then move on.

There isn't just one cock in this world.

Plenty to go around and share.

Remember that Madonna song "Hung Up"?

You are so hung up on your bf, it's you who will be suffering.

Do not be upset over someone else's mistake.

It's not your fault.

[Guest crossroad]

What should I do then?

Should I request him to tell his ex about his current r/s?

I feel that cos his ex still feel for him, thus, his ex will be sad when he knows that he got no more chance and my bf will need to spend time to comfort him as what I know - his ex is the emo kind..

Hi TS,

No matter what other people tell you, its still going to be you making the decision cos its your life. You fall down, you stand up again...everybody does that.

Ask yourself:

- How long have you been in this relationship? Is it long enough for you to make your own judgement that your bf is really 'the one'?

- Under what circumstances, did your bf broke with his ex? I know its cruel...but is he treating you like a temporary shelter?

- Are you happy in the first place? Aparrently your bf is undecisive now, but how long can you wait for your bf to make his decision? Forever??(Please don't do this)

Please be decisive and face up. At this point of time, perhaps you can give your bf some time to settle his relationship problem with his ex.

But do set a time limit for yourself! Meanwhile, just try to be natural and 'generous' when going out with him. Most guys do not like to listen to brawling, nagging and confrontations too often(including you? no?).

After some time, probe him again. If he is still as undecisive and evasive as before, I am quite sure you can can make your decision by then...hopefully. Just do what you should...alot of bw-ers here offered useful advices, heed it or take it with a pinch of salt.

Do know that the longer you stay and hope, the more unhappy you will be.

At least you have given your best shot and have no regrets later on...Just my humble 2 cents only.

Take care...

[Guest mark]

Thanks all for the comments.

Some of it really helped me to make some decisions.

Stay happy guys!

[Guest Guest]

i believe ur bf still suck his ex dick.

[Guest mark]

i believe ur bf still suck his ex dick.

Sigh, he says dont have leh. Haha.

I will not know what to do if it is true loh.

[Guest sianboi]

Hi all,

Let say ur bf loves u alot but on the other hand, he will still meet his ex for dinner or fun but not as frequent like once or twice a few months.

Can you accept it?

What will you do or feel?

[Guest still_fren_with_ex]

I am ok with my bf meeting his ex for dinner. I wonder who will agree if their BF say they are meeting ex for fun, unless they are in open r/s perhaps?

Anyway in my case I am on very close term with my ex and my bf still meets his ex. We are perfectly ok with it and I think one reason could be we are the kind of people who hardly get jealous. In fact, my bf has seen my ex several times and I have seen my bf's ex as well. However I am much closer to my ex and its a consensus that my bf is no.1 and my ex is no.2. But I only see my ex as a really close fren, a buddy thats all. He sees it the same way too.

I feel that in mark's case, his bf is overly considerate for his ex and this is not a good thing. Sooner or later mark's bf's ex should accept that mark's bf is attached. Once his ex knows this, it will be so much easier to sort things out.

[Guest mark]

I am ok with my bf meeting his ex for dinner. I wonder who will agree if their BF say they are meeting ex for fun, unless they are in open r/s perhaps?

Anyway in my case I am on very close term with my ex and my bf still meets his ex. We are perfectly ok with it and I think one reason could be we are the kind of people who hardly get jealous. In fact, my bf has seen my ex several times and I have seen my bf's ex as well. However I am much closer to my ex and its a consensus that my bf is no.1 and my ex is no.2. But I only see my ex as a really close fren, a buddy thats all. He sees it the same way too.

I feel that in mark's case, his bf is overly considerate for his ex and this is not a good thing. Sooner or later mark's bf's ex should accept that mark's bf is attached. Once his ex knows this, it will be so much easier to sort things out.

haha! You really got what I am feeling.

I am actually fine with him meeting his ex for dinner but the part where he is overly considerate and caring towards him make me abit sad. I mean he is being nicer to him like more than how one treat his very good friend.

Ok, or should I say he is not sensitive to my feelings sometimes.

Hopefully, when his ex knows that he is attached, things will get better bah. Sigh!

[xxxpartyboixxx]

Just started a new relationship with this wonderful man in my life. Everything is going fine and well. Problem is...

My bf keeps in touch with his ex of more than 4 years ago (they were in a one-year relationship 5 years ago) I have talked things through with my bf to tell him how I feel about him keeping in touch with his ex. His response was that they are extremely close and he treats his ex as a brother only. Tells me that my request for him to cease contact with his ex is like asking him to cease contact with a family member. More disturbingly, I read his facebook wall-to-wall posts with his ex. On those posts, my bf actually said he misses his ex, my bf counting down the minutes til his ex's birthday, sending him birthday and christmas gifts etc. It is utterly disturbing to read all these. When I confronted my bf about this, he just brushes it off saying he would say he misses his other friends the same way and that he would send his other friends gifts as well. His ex is in Korea and he sends gifts to him all the way there! Also his wall post goes: Hsve a great time in Korea, without me (end of quote) I did give him the benefit of doubt but time and time again we would argue cos I feel he puts me 2nd in his heart. I don't want to share his heart with his ex. My bf tells me that he will not give up his ex just for me. I know I cannot change him. Is it wrong for me to feel jealous? I know they talk on the phone cos my bf went and bought calling cards to Korea. My bf lied to me that he was getting the calling card for his brother.

My bf always tells me, no matter how clever a person can lie, the truth will always be revealed in the end. I tested him out over the phone. He knew I was upset about him getting the calling card but did not want to address it directly. So I told him, I trust in you that you got the card for your brother. Whatever it is, the truth will be revealed in the end. Surprisingly, he did not ask me in a offended manner "what are you talking about / what are you accusing me of?" instead I hear silence over the phone for a while. I am really tired of all this. I seriously felt he holds some feelings towards his ex. My bf told me he held hands with his ex in this park, had sex with his ex in this public place etc. When I ask him to re-animate these things with me in those locations, he gets upset and gives lots of excuses not to do them. I felt hurt and un-special. It is as though the things between him and his ex are so sacred that he will not allow any1 to erase it from his life. I did remind him, "I am your bf for goodness sake."

I cannot understand the irony. My bf said his ex and him broke up cos his ex told some1 that he loves my bf but wants to f##k as many asians as he could (my bf's ex is an ugly gwm who is rice queen). My bf is against infidelity. So I asked my bf why he looks up to his ex cos my bf always says his ex give him encouragement, moral support etc. If the reason why they broke up was because of that, then why would my bf still so "kow-tow" to his ex? After a long debate, my bf changed his story and defended his ex saying sometimes ppl say things that they don't really mean it. What a load of BS!!! Then, my bf said the reason why they broke up was cos they went to different countries and that his ex didn't have that "something" he was looking for in a bf. I was curious about what that "something" is so I asked. My bf brushed it off again saying it is something he cannot explain and why would I want to know? I told him I wanted to know so that I could prepare myself or change to have qualities of that "something" he is looking for in a bf. Just recently, I read his fb wall comments...his ex asked him "where have you disappeared to?" Upon reading that, I realised they must be keeping in touch rather often. I am really unhappy and have been losing sleep. I really love my bf to bits but I think he does not love me the same way. I find myself in a difficult position. Any1 out there think I am over-reacting? I only dread the day when my bf's ex comes to town again to visit.... I'm sure they will hug and that would be unbearable to watch. I even asked my bf, if ur ex is in town and wants to see you and I want to see u on that same day, who will you choose? My bf could not even answer that simple question. I don't know what to do now. I felt all my sacrifice and love is not enough to win him entirely to myself. There's always parts of him that he will reserve for his exes. While I have totally erased my ex from my life. Although my ex is a nice guy and I have forgiven him, I tell myself to cease contact. I want to give this new bf of mine a clean start and assurance. My bf tells me, "I cannot give you security, it comes from yourself. A realtionship without trust would not work". And yet he lies to me. Sometimes I tell myself not to dig in too much to his past but I cannot help it. The more I uncover, the more upset I get. Like the time I browsed through his laptop and seen folders after folders of photos of my bf and his ex. Surprisingly, he kept those pics of his 1st ex and I can find no trace of his 2nd ex's pics. I keep telling my bf that this is a stigma that I would have to live with should I choose to continue this relationship. I know there is nothing I can do that can change him, but should I go on like this?

[snowball]

if you want to continue this relationship, know when to close both eyes & mouth,

if you can't have positive thought & you want to " control " your bf,

then it won't bring you any good, you just make your bf miss his ex more.

are you over react & sensitive? he worth you to trust?

you should know the answer, do you have guts to face the fact?

the future is in your hands, what's your choice?

Edited June 17, 2010 by snowball

[thaiboyz]

My views are you are over conscious and sensitive with your bf actions. Perhaps you love him too much and therefore cant help to feel bad when he contacted his ex. On the other hand, your bf seems to have some feelings for his ex though they have called off their relationship. If you really wish to owe him totally, you have to stand firm and tell him off. If he continues, well you have to prepare to give him up otherwise you will never get the happiness you are aiming for. At the end of the day, you might be hurt and wasting alot of your time feeling unhappy. Life is short ya.

[Guest Guest]

Its so obvious you are not his priority and he is not respecting the relationship with his continued intimacy with his ex bf. He is not respecting you right in your face and adopting a take it or leave it attitude. I suggest you leave the relationship. Right now.

[Guest boi]

Just started a new relationship with this wonderful man in my life. Everything is going fine and well. Problem is...

My bf keeps in touch with his ex of more than 4 years ago (they were in a one-year relationship 5 years ago) I have talked things through with my bf to tell him how I feel about him keeping in touch with his ex. His response was that they are extremely close and he treats his ex as a brother only. Tells me that my request for him to cease contact with his ex is like asking him to cease contact with a family member. More disturbingly, I read his facebook wall-to-wall posts with his ex. On those posts, my bf actually said he misses his ex, my bf counting down the minutes til his ex's birthday, sending him birthday and christmas gifts etc. It is utterly disturbing to read all these. When I confronted my bf about this, he just brushes it off saying he would say he misses his other friends the same way and that he would send his other friends gifts as well. His ex is in Korea and he sends gifts to him all the way there! Also his wall post goes: Hsve a great time in Korea, without me (end of quote) I did give him the benefit of doubt but time and time again we would argue cos I feel he puts me 2nd in his heart. I don't want to share his heart with his ex. My bf tells me that he will not give up his ex just for me. I know I cannot change him. Is it wrong for me to feel jealous? I know they talk on the phone cos my bf went and bought calling cards to Korea. My bf lied to me that he was getting the calling card for his brother.

My bf always tells me, no matter how clever a person can lie, the truth will always be revealed in the end. I tested him out over the phone. He knew I was upset about him getting the calling card but did not want to address it directly. So I told him, I trust in you that you got the card for your brother. Whatever it is, the truth will be revealed in the end. Surprisingly, he did not ask me in a offended manner "what are you talking about / what are you accusing me of?" instead I hear silence over the phone for a while. I am really tired of all this. I seriously felt he holds some feelings towards his ex. My bf told me he held hands with his ex in this park, had sex with his ex in this public place etc. When I ask him to re-animate these things with me in those locations, he gets upset and gives lots of excuses not to do them. I felt hurt and un-special. It is as though the things between him and his ex are so sacred that he will not allow any1 to erase it from his life. I did remind him, "I am your bf for goodness sake."

I cannot understand the irony. My bf said his ex and him broke up cos his ex told some1 that he loves my bf but wants to f##k as many asians as he could (my bf's ex is an ugly gwm who is rice queen). My bf is against infidelity. So I asked my bf why he looks up to his ex cos my bf always says his ex give him encouragement, moral support etc. If the reason why they broke up was because of that, then why would my bf still so "kow-tow" to his ex? After a long debate, my bf changed his story and defended his ex saying sometimes ppl say things that they don't really mean it. What a load of BS!!! Then, my bf said the reason why they broke up was cos they went to different countries and that his ex didn't have that "something" he was looking for in a bf. I was curious about what that "something" is so I asked. My bf brushed it off again saying it is something he cannot explain and why would I want to know? I told him I wanted to know so that I could prepare myself or change to have qualities of that "something" he is looking for in a bf. Just recently, I read his fb wall comments...his ex asked him "where have you disappeared to?" Upon reading that, I realised they must be keeping in touch rather often. I am really unhappy and have been losing sleep. I really love my bf to bits but I think he does not love me the same way. I find myself in a difficult position. Any1 out there think I am over-reacting? I only dread the day when my bf's ex comes to town again to visit.... I'm sure they will hug and that would be unbearable to watch. I even asked my bf, if ur ex is in town and wants to see you and I want to see u on that same day, who will you choose? My bf could not even answer that simple question. I don't know what to do now. I felt all my sacrifice and love is not enough to win him entirely to myself. There's always parts of him that he will reserve for his exes. While I have totally erased my ex from my life. Although my ex is a nice guy and I have forgiven him, I tell myself to cease contact. I want to give this new bf of mine a clean start and assurance. My bf tells me, "I cannot give you security, it comes from yourself. A realtionship without trust would not work". And yet he lies to me. Sometimes I tell myself not to dig in too much to his past but I cannot help it. The more I uncover, the more upset I get. Like the time I browsed through his laptop and seen folders after folders of photos of my bf and his ex. Surprisingly, he kept those pics of his 1st ex and I can find no trace of his 2nd ex's pics. I keep telling my bf that this is a stigma that I would have to live with should I choose to continue this relationship. I know there is nothing I can do that can change him, but should I go on like this?

Hi, I totally understand how u are feeling. I had posted similiar thread regarding this as well.

I am also jealous of my bf meeting his ex and without letting me know. Somehow, he said cos he dun want me to feel unhappy. After talking to him and asked him who is more important, his reply is I am as important as him. He is like his closest friend to me. You imagine, I felt damn sad at that moment of time.

But... after thinking about it, If that person is not his ex and he is just one of your bf's closest straight friend, do you think you will react the same way as now? I dun think so right? Cos that's what I am doing now loh.

I mean in order to win your bf over, you have to behave better than his ex so that your bf can see it.

But actually me and my bf made an agreement to as least let me know when they are meeting so as not to keep me in the dark and I also try to think his ex as being my bf's best friend so that I will feel better.

Anyhow, it is no good to keep harping on that cos it will do harm to both parties.

Try your best. can share with me any problems cos I experienced all before. Jia you (:

[Guest boi]

And also. Dun listen too much to all the negative comments.

It will cause you to be more hurt.

So if u really want to keep this relationship like how I wanted to keep mine. Show to your bf that you are more worth it (:

[Guest ex bf]

You are obviously jealous, angry and insecure. Anything you see, hear or do will be clouded by your emotions right now. So it is better not to trust your own judgement or assessment of the current situation. Also, anything that ur bf do concerning his ex will be magnified many folds because of your innate bias too. For example a simple word of concern may mean deeper feelings to u, or that a plan to meet up is a plan for a secret tryst. What your bf said about relationship based on trust and that he cannot give you the security you need is also very true. Imagine if he has to live his life based on how you will feel or how affected u will be. He wouldnt be himself living his own life honestly then. He will feel so trapped. Security is not based on your bf giving it to you. It is based on yourself having it or giving it to yourself. Instead of looking into his fb surreptitiously or spying on him constantly, and letting him find out your sad behaviour thereby upsetting him even more and thereby pushing him more to his ex than pulling closer to u, you should just act maturely n honourably. Behave like a true gentleman instead of a scorned housewife. If the relationship betw u n ur bf is based on genuine and solid foundation, you have nothing to be afraid of. If he is yours he will be yours. If he is not, he never was and never will be, no matter how hard you try.

[Guest waterq]

Just started a new relationship with this wonderful man in my life. Everything is going fine and well. Problem is...

/

/

/

And yet he lies to me. Sometimes I tell myself not to dig in too much to his past but I cannot help it. The more I uncover, the more upset I get. Like the time I browsed through his laptop and seen folders after folders of photos of my bf and his ex. Surprisingly, he kept those pics of his 1st ex and I can find no trace of his 2nd ex's pics. I keep telling my bf that this is a stigma that I would have to live with should I choose to continue this relationship. I know there is nothing I can do that can change him, but should I go on like this?

oh my.. this should be killing you hard enough... for me i wouldn't be able to stand it... both of them are like dried leaves beside a fire..

i know the feeling, there were once when my bf chased by someone, and they keep on talking on the phone but my bf keep telling me i hv to thrust him.. but i really cant stand it! how can i dont get jealous?! worse part, my bf even confested once before that he felt in love with that guy! we talked about it.. and i was unhappy but finally we moved on because that guy is in Italy.. too far apart..

anyway good luck to you, if he's yours then he will be yours..

[castaway]

I think it really hurts when reading such comments from your bf to his ex. I guess their break up is due to distance.

There was a topic about this :

http://www.blowingwind.org/forum/index.php?showtopic=16993

[H2Ranger]

Just take things easy. Too much love will kill you. Trust is still uppermost in every kind of relationship.

On the positive side, give a pat on yourself that you've tried your best to be a patient faithful lover.

Even if there's a stint of betrayal, it's better sooner than later.

And still, at the end of it all whatever the outcome, U'll be a smarter lover.

[snowball]

不是每个恋情, 掏心掏肺, 梦就可圆.

爱是给有心人, 懂得彼此疼惜丶体谅.

人是你选的, 爱就別后悔.

未来, 是由你的每一天累积而成.

別计效谁爱得多丶谁付得少,

爱不能作比较.

问心无愧, 才是真.

只要尽力而为, 只等金石为开.

一切随缘.

[Guest Guest]

不是每个恋情, 掏心掏肺, 梦就可圆.

爱是给有心人, 懂得彼此疼惜丶体谅.

人是你选的, 爱就別后悔.

未来, 是由你的每一天累积而成.

別计效谁爱得多丶谁付得少,

爱不能作比较.

问心无愧, 才是真.

只要尽力而为, 只等金石为开.

一切随缘.

Don't know why -- the image of 双飞雁 aka Ming Yi and Raymond Yeung appeared when I read your posting. Like Geese in close formation. Hmmmmmmm ............. so touching !

[Guest coco chanel]

I even asked my bf, if ur ex is in town and wants to see you and I want to see u on that same day, who will you choose? My bf could not even answer that simple question.

THE REASON HE CANNOT ANSWER YOU IS THAT YOU ARE BEING TOO SENSITIVE.. He is afraid to have "hurt" you if you know the truth..

My bf tells me, "I cannot give you security, it comes from yourself. A realtionship without trust would not work".

Your BF is so so right about this..

I know there is nothing I can do that can change him, but should I go on like this?

Your are answering your own question.. Don't expect to change a man and expect him to erase all his past memory. If you think you can leave with this.. Looks like you are not prepare for any relationship as all.. Unless you are dating a baby.. (without any past)

[Guest boi]

How are you and your bf liaoz?

[Guest Guest]

不在乎 天长地久

只在乎 曾经拥有

拿的起 放的下

Don't wish for everlasting

Be grateful for what you had

Willing to take it up and able to let it go

[evianguy]

Yours is a brand new relationship, he knew his ex for 5 yrs. His hanging on to an ex relationship is sad. Does he feel the same way about you as you do him?

[le_duc]

I am very sorry to hear about your new found relationship, trust me, bad or hard relationship has happened to all of us at one point in our life.

My advise to you is.. please do look after your number one first! that is YOU and do give your boyfriend some space and time. because the more pressure you put into your relationship with him the harder for him to understand the problems...

Take some times out for yourself, do things on your own or with friends.

We can't change other people ways of thinking but we can change our owns

best regards

[Guest newguy2l]

sorry but what i see fron your post, your bf does not love you enuf. Come on, if he loves you he would not want to hurt you. he knows you hurt from him seeing his ex. Therefore only logical to stop excessive contact with the ex. But continuing to do so knowing it hurts you is showing you (his present bf) no consideration at all.

continue this relationship only if you can accept the situation ie he is a 2 timing b------. but I dont think you can.

Only way out - give him a ultimaton - him or you. If you win - good for you. If you lose - better now than later.

[Guest massagee]

hope i am not to late in joining in. I think if you love him so much that makes you feel insecure, this relationship will never work. You might want to put forth your stand to him and tell him your thoughts, if he can't accept it, then it could be his feeling for you is not strong enough. On the other hand, he could be in love with you but still wants to keep his old friends or ex. You don't believe in keep intouch with your ex doesn't mean others shouldn't. You have to respect that. If you can accept it and keep thinking of what he is doing behind you then I think the relationship is unhealthy. As for Facebook, I am sure he knows you can read it too. So it is kind of open secret right? Best is you open your cards with him instead of keeping it inside. If kept too long, the volcano will erupt.

[Guest guest]

Just take things easy. Too much love will kill you. Trust is still uppermost in every kind of relationship.

On the positive side, give a pat on yourself that you've tried your best to be a patient faithful lover.

Even if there's a stint of betrayal, it's better sooner than later.

And still, at the end of it all whatever the outcome, U'll be a smarter lover.

well said :clap:

just knew this cute boi, we are about 13 years difference in age ... i feel insecure from time to time whenever i saw his posting in this forum ...

guess what, i have to learn to trust him becos i likes him very much. So i have to give him some breathing space, as well as time to know me better and also to convince him that i'm a good man that deserve his love more than any other chap.

I really hope this time round it'll works, if not, at least i've try my best - no regrets!

(hope you'll see this darling boi)

[xxxpartyboixxx]

Thank you guys for your words of wisdom. I take the good and ignore the bad especially from those who do not even have the balls to register as a member to post negative comments.

At the end of the journey (we broke up in November this year) I realised so many things... 1st, trust my instincts, all the while, my suspicions were true...he lied and lied and lied. All the time I tell myself not to think bad of my bf and to trust him, I should have listened to my inner voice. 2nd, no person who has moved on with his ex keeps in touch with their ex and only their ex exclusively everyday and talks on the phone every other 4 days or so especially when the ex is all the way in bloody Canada! 3rd, sluts will always be sluts, he choose to associate himself with all his slut friends who do not believe in monogamy or relationships hence birds of a feather flock together. 4th A man can tell a million lies without a blink of an eye...even after we broke up, he still lied to me...I don't see the point anymore and just said to him that I know the truth. He was speechless when I pointed out to him that I see through his lies. 5th some people are just rotten and plain evil. They will never see how much you love or care for them. They just wanna be selfish and chase after their own desires. One of the reasons he said we should split is cos he wanted time to focus on his life and be alone for 6 months. Less than 6 weeks after we split up, he's already dating some people that I know and probably banging some guys. He reactivated his Fridae and Manhunt and god knows what other websites he uses.

From a person who told me he is into commitment and all, now he's telling me he hates relationships and don't believe in it anymore. Then why date these other guys? Just a pretext for sex? I should have known he is a dickhead, on our 1st date, he already wanted sex. It was only when I told him we should take it slow and rejected his advances, did he cease acting like an animal. My 1st ex gave me a sense of security, and I trusted him 100% until the day he came home bruised and battered from the slut he was with. Although it ended tragically and bitterly, at least for the 3 years I was with my 1st ex, we did loved each other and cared for each other. We did stay faithful and put one another 1st. With this most recent ex, he even had the nerve to tell me that he was never happy with me from the very start (during heated argument before the split). A close friend of mine told me, if some1 ever said that to him, it will be so long goodbye and I wont shed a single tear or lose a wink of sleep for u loser! (close friend trying to console me when I was very depressed due to the split)

I also got to know that my ex bf's 1st ex (the fat ugly gwm from Canada) is an evil person. I managed to see their conversations etc on his email / facebook after he left it open on my pc...I did not even know it was his account until I read the words. Yes I admit, once I realised it wasn't my account, I continued reading cos my ex actually went through my iPhone while I was taking shower to check on my emails and text msgs. That disgusting guy in Canada obviously knew we were in a relationship and yet insisted they talk on the phone often and will always use words like, I miss you, love you, hugs xoxox etc. He even refers to my ex as sexy boy, etc. I saw how the gwm brainwashed my ex in those msgs / conversations. I have a hunch that my ex broke up with his 2nd ex (me being his 3rd ex now) because of the same reasons but since my ex is such a good liar, no1 will ever know until someday I guess. There was a book I read...it had a quote which is so true. It goes:

‎*the fear of one erasing the past of another, overriding the memories and qualities of a life once lived. Fear of letting go is what keeps them holding on to the past and constantly re-igniting it. This subtle and yet in denial form of reverie serves only to choke and suffocate the life currently lived and whatever is beyond...* Raymond H. McAinch

At least I know I tried my best to be a good lover. Even my ex, he told me...he said, I know you stayed faithful to me but it will never work for the 2 of us. You won't be happy and I won't be happy. I am glad it ended sooner than later. I only wish that my ex can see that he is in denial that he still loves his 1st ex. My ex went all across the globe trying to keep their relationship alive cos the gwm was a travel freak and worked in diff countries from year to year just so he can sleep with as many tastless potatoe queens as he can. And in the end, my ex even went to the place of origin of the gwm to study there (Nova Scotia)...said it was the best uni etc...what a load of BS! Never even heard of that lousy uni...after a year there, my ex could not take it anymore cos it was a very racist & hostile all white environment so he moved to Toronto. For some reason, my ex then moved back to Aus where we are now after all that slutty and sex-charged lifestyle in Toronto when he graduated. Maybe he could not extend his visa or maybe the fact his 1st ex was in Korea so he wanted to move to Aus to be closer to him? Who knows? I found out also that they had on and off relationship over a period of 3 years. Maybe being with me was just another one of the off phase. I also hope that my ex will realise the gwm only treat him as an asian f##k meat. If he does not let go, he will never ever move on with another (unless those who are into open relationship which my ex is not looking for particularly). Pity him and his upcoming bf cos his 1st ex is already planning to meet up with him next year end.

[Guest Guest]

Reading your story reminded me of my past relationship. When someone says he loves u but watever things he does tell differently. Come what may, I believe we will be able to find true love one day. Cheers up and be happy!

[Guest guest]

PartyboI, before I did get to reading the outcome of what happened (and I'm sorry things did not work out) I was going to say that I am going through the same thing at the moment and as its a new relationship I have decided to see how things go, my boyfriend knows how I feel and I decided that once we get to 6 months if things have not changed then I will break it off as at the moment I won't expect him to change his life that much for me as if it does not work out in the first 6 months I would not want him to cut off his friends (even some ex become friends) I just hope I don't have the same outcome as yours, but from what your update said your better without him, wish you all the best and good luck in finding that guy who will look after your heart 100%

[Guest concern]

Partyboi, I think you should be happy that you realised it earlier than most people. I have many gay friends and most of their relationship ended in a sour note and most don't even want to have anything to do with their ex (even bump into each other on the road, just pretend didn't see). Only a hand of my friends do keep in touch with their ex (because the breakoff was amicably). However, they hardly catch with each other (maybe 1/yr type). In your case, it is too ridiculous. I am sure the reason for the breakoff with the AngMo is due to travelling and he is not a local. From your msg, your ex is definitely into AngMo and you and others are just filling his void (sorry to say that). During the 1st meeting he alreadi wanted xxx, that is an obvious indication that xxx is his priority. He is not interested in LTR!! Unfortunately, he could get what he wanted so just have to swallow humble pie n wait patiently until you agreed to have xxx with him. That kind of achieved his objective ( and I assume you guys have xxx).

There are lots of guy outthere, on the pretext of looking for long term relationship, but in actual fact just look for a good fxxk. It is very hard, not impossible, to find one that is faithful to you. very tough... I wish you all the best.

[Orpisal]

The title says it all...

My BF says that they are purely just friends only...

My BF still meetup with his ex regularly for meals and drinks, and they still text each other everyday. Sometimes I can't help but to feel jealous. It is very obvious that his ex still has feelings for him and his ex even asked him if they can be together again even though he's already attached to me. We have been attached for 4 months(going 5), though its not very long, but even until now, his ex still texts my bf and says that he misses him..and all my BF did was to give him this emoticon "=.=" Why is he(the ex) so thick skinned?

And the ultimate is they went overseas together (even though its just that kind of 1 full-day trip)...

I do not want to be those petty little guys that control their BF on who can they befriend with..but time and again I will get those "sour" feeling in my heart.. I hate that kind of feeling.. I would very much want to trust my BF fully, but sometimes I can't help but to let my mind wander..Sigh..

[Blacque]

The title says it all...

My BF says that they are purely just friends only...

My BF still meetup with his ex regularly for meals and drinks, and they still text each other everyday. Sometimes I can't help but to feel jealous. It is very obvious that his ex still has feelings for him and his ex even asked him if they can be together again even though he's already attached to me. We have been attached for 4 months(going 5), though its not very long, but even until now, his ex still texts my bf and says that he misses him..and all my BF did was to give him this emoticon "=.=" Why is he(the ex) so thick skinned?

And the ultimate is they went overseas together (even though its just that kind of 1 full-day trip)...

I do not want to be those petty little guys that control their BF on who can they befriend with..but time and again I will get those "sour" feeling in my heart.. I hate that kind of feeling.. I would very much want to trust my BF fully, but sometimes I can't help but to let my mind wander..Sigh..

I totally understand your feelings, but you have to trust your boyfriend! That way you will not feel so agonised.. Cheer up alright! (:

[Guest Guest]

after so many years, i m sure they would want to have sex w each other to rekindle old feeling even if its just ONS.

u will be naive to think heavy petting, BJ in car would not happn.

[Guest tyjl]

after so many years, i m sure they would want to have sex w each other to rekindle old feeling even if its just ONS.

u will be naive to think heavy petting, BJ in car would not happn.

Some will some will not but most often WILL....

[xxxpartyboixxx]

I've been thru a similar mess. Remember, a man can tell a thousand lies. Trust? It's more like a gamble. Some guys worth trusting and most guys not. I risked it and trusted my ex. Even kept silencing my suspicions / gut feeling and allowed him to "brainwash" me telling me I'm too sensitive, jealous and all.

In the end, I found out that all along I was right and he was still in a lovey dovey phase with his ex with smses and emails ending with I love yous / miss yous. At that point, too late, gotta face that rotten feeling of losing when setting the stakes too high. I guess if both of you agree that this slut ex of his is getting too out-of-hand, you guys should do something about it. You talking through with your bf about your situation while your bf limiting his meet-ups with his ex and keeping you as priority. If your other half does not do his part, he is down right just not respecting you. In the end it's your choice. Remember, love yourself 1st then only can you love others.

[PaterTenebrarum]

I've been thru a similar mess. Remember, a man can tell a thousand lies. Trust? It's more like a gamble. Some guys worth trusting and most guys not. I risked it and trusted my ex. Even kept silencing my suspicions / gut feeling and allowed him to "brainwash" me telling me I'm too sensitive, jealous and all.

In the end, I found out that all along I was right and he was still in a lovey dovey phase with his ex with smses and emails ending with I love yous / miss yous. At that point, too late, gotta face that rotten feeling of losing when setting the stakes too high. I guess if both of you agree that this slut ex of his is getting too out-of-hand, you guys should do something about it. You talking through with your bf about your situation while your bf limiting his meet-ups with his ex and keeping you as priority. If your other half does not do his part, he is down right just not respecting you. In the end it's your choice. Remember, love yourself 1st then only can you love others.

Partyboy: quoting Madge's Live to tell, eh? So you've learnt your lesson well? Heh!

Back to the main topic:

At the end of the day, the ball is in your court. We cannot tell you what you should or should not do. As a mature, thinking adult, what do YOU think should you do? How will he react should you tell yr partner to stop seeing his ex? Trust yr instincts. And if think you hve to bail, do so and do not, never regret your actions.

But honestly, I am on very good terms with almost all of my exes - except for the one I almost married in 2005- (that motherfxxker).

For my other exes, we still meet up for coffee, dinner, etc. But no sex. Just as friends. It's purely a case of trust. My current partner (aka, fiancee- we are getting married in Canada this October. Yay!)trusts me enough to know that they are just very good friends and nothing else.

Relationship is a two way street. The question is, how much do you trust him?

[lee92]

Dear Guest, stop thinking so much about it. It usually is the mind playing tricks. Just chill. You know many gays out there would kill to have a bf. You are so lucky to have a BF that communicates with you and all, so i advise you to treasure the moment with him. In a relationship, trust will be the corner stone and if you doubt him over and over again, it might just collapse. So just chill, enjoy and love.

[Orpisal]

Thanks everyone, for the advices from the different point of view.

I really love my bf a lot, like a lot a lot a lot..

So i'm gonna take the advice on trusting him with the whole of my heart..and of cuz i will talk to him too..hopefully he can appreciate that and bring our relationship to a closer level.

Hopefully he dun see me as a petty little guy..(Keeping fingers crossed) :X

Once again, thanks guys.

[FattChoy]

On 3/19/2007 at 2:52 PM, GachiMuchi said:

Being narrow minded, jealous & calculating doesn't win you points with your bf. There is nothing wrong with treating his ex as a good friend / buddy. By the way, his friendship with his ex is longer than you. You came into the picture only 5 yrs ago. They know each other for 10yrs or more. Who says one can't have good friends and yet have a boyfriend at the same time.

My suggestion for you is to be gracious and accept the fact that your bf have every right to have his circle of friends, be it his ex or anyone else. Stop being so controlling and quarrelsome, which only makes you looks petty, immature, narrow-minded and manipulative.

If you were my bf, I would have break off with you long time ago. I do not have to take all your nonsense for the last 5 years.

Your bf deserver better, he is being caring and helpful and he is what people call a true friend. You don't deserve him. Please wake up your ideas.

A decade and a half down the road, the original poster is not only still narrow minded, jealous & calculating.  He's bitter as hell.  God bless whoever is in a relationship with him.