When The Honeymoon Period Is Over

[derryfawne]

When the honeymoon period is over, and the feeling is no longer as strong as before.

Differences are no longer cute, but tolerated. In fact, sometimes they begin to irritate you.

Distances begin to grow, when dating used to be 100% sweet but is now occasionally mundane.

 

How do you know whether he's still the right one for you?

 

Would love to hear from both who has successfully went through this 'transitional' period, as well as those who decided to call the relationship off.

Edited October 20, 2013 by derryfawne

[onlylonely]

Good communication goes a long way. The excitement will die off after a while but do create surprises to spice up the relationship from time to time. It takes 2 hands to clap, therefore both parties have to be proactive to keep the relationship going. I learned from my last experiences and I hope my current bf will be my last.

[Guest be real]

After puppy love. we get stale and grow old easily. The discovery of each other naked body and character no longer turned horny.  Making love & sex  become a chore to release the pent up stress of the day. Flaws being criticized like Don't Feed The Troll. Secretly we yearn for new lover to relive our life. Ready to dump each other whoever found new lover first  Unless in marriage, there is no cause for unity. Love is just an illusion after all the fun. Reality set in. Ready to get out of the relationship. Lonely even in each other arm.

 

Lets not say the right things like our polticians. Say the real things as observed and experienced.

[onlylonely]

Stay committed. I believe its possible to last forever, even though I had a few sad episodes of bad memories

[Jnatcire]

.

Edited December 1, 2013 by Jnatcire

[Boo]

It usually last for about a year, then it's down to the hard works of love.

[derryfawne]

Good communication goes a long way. The excitement will die off after a while but do create surprises to spice up the relationship from time to time. It takes 2 hands to clap, therefore both parties have to be proactive to keep the relationship going. I learned from my last experiences and I hope my current bf will be my last.

 

How do you know whether this person is worth working out the differences? What's the line separating that with "OK, this is just not working out"?

 

After puppy love. we get stale and grow old easily. The discovery of each other naked body and character no longer turned horny.  Making love & sex  become a chore to release the pent up stress of the day. Flaws being criticized like Don't Feed The Troll. Secretly we yearn for new lover to relive our life. Ready to dump each other whoever found new lover first  Unless in marriage, there is no cause for unity. Love is just an illusion after all the fun. Reality set in. Ready to get out of the relationship. Lonely even in each other arm.

 

Lets not say the right things like our polticians. Say the real things as observed and experienced.

 

I have mild disagreement with this. I think at the end of the day, while we don't get to have marriage, we still look for lifetime companionship. Nobody wants to grow old and die alone, Excitement will eventually dies down, transforming that into mutual understanding is another.

 

I do agree, though, that 80-85% of relationship probably falls into what you described (even when both parties are sincere), although I believe those are mainly because the differences and issues were never resolved. It's easy to become complacent instead of working things out.

[warlock88]

when its over, they will move on to somebody cuter~ 

[Exynos]

I think this is one of the toughest questions to answer, simply because there is no right or wrong. Now, I have never been in a relationship of any sort, but here's my 2 cents' worth:

 

After the honeymood period, the relationship usually transits to the stage of "comfort". Around here is when both parties no longer feel it's necessary to do "romantic" things to add spice into the relationship - it sort of goes back to the period when you DIDN'T meet. You go to work/school etc and perhaps meet every evening or something for dinner. There will no longer be any "my heart is racing" or the sort of eagerness to see or hear from each other.

 

This doesn't mean the love is gone though IMO. It simply means that the other party is slowly integrating into your life. Think back when you first discovered porn and wanking. Initially it's exciting; it's something you look forward to doing every day cos it's so novel and so new. After a while, you suddenly don't feel that excitement or novelty from it anymore. But do you stop watching porn and wanking? No you don't. In fact, you do it at least once every day, not because you feel so excited for it, but because it's a lifestyle/habit.

 

And I think love/relationship gradually transforms into a lifestyle for you. You might disagree on certain habits of your partner and vice-versa, but it's not like you approve that it takes so long to torrent a porno DVD rip or that porn approves of you wanking thrice a day. You work it out slowly, iron out the differences, BE HONEST WITH WHAT YOU'RE UNHAPPY ABOUT and from there make compromises and come up with a win-win solution. This also extends to all kinds of relationships where communication is a vital key to keep it smooth.

 

Remember that love is irrational but lovers are rational. The honeymoon period takes away all your logic and common sense because love turns everyone into idiots. But once the feelings settle in is when the couple starts to notice and wonder if this love can really become a part of their lives. No one can answer that for you and sadly you  need to find it out yourself. Even if it doesn't work out eventually you can take away some lessons from it.

 

That's another problem I see with people, especially those of the younger generation. There's a blind jump to starting a relationship without considering the future - almost like you absorb the honeymoon period for all its happiness and "good feelings", but once that is over and the "bad feelings" come in; basically when it comes to the stage where conscientious effort  becomes a staple of keeping the relationship going, you escape, you run away, you refuse to solve the problem. That's not the way to go.

[IkuTube]

Thing is, the realization that two people in love should take note with the honeymoon period is the blessed feeling.  That there is somebody who wants to share a part of another's life.  With thankfulness, the gratitude that love happens goes a long way.  Honeymoon period doess not, and must not, move from honeymoon phase to regret or taking things for granted.  Instead, it should move forward into a healthy good relationship.  It should move into a deeper and more complete state of being.  It is at this stage, albeit everything else is beautiful, that one must realizes these three things:

 

01.  Do you want to love him?

02.  Do you want him?

03.  Do you want a relationship with him?

 

While the feeling inside the honeymoon period is often good, the couple should not forget how to live.  It is important during this stage that communication is established.  But one must know, while communication is constant and only the mechanics for two different people to get to know each other better, to establish the reality of each other, Faith and Trust have to set in.  When there is faith and when there is trust, a foundation is established.

 

We must always learn that we cannot change anyone to become who we are.  All we can ask is for acceptance and understanding.    All that we can do is to honor that we have fallen in love with someone; someone who has his pasts, his own perculiar and unique ways of thinking and personality.

[onlylonely]

It usually last for about a year, then it's down to the hard works of love.

 

my previous relationships, honeymoon period = 1mth only. 

 

@boo: 1 year is very good

[gstc82]

When the honeymoon period is over, and the feeling is no longer as strong as before.

Differences are no longer cute, but tolerated. In fact, sometimes they begin to irritate you.

Distances begin to grow, when dating used to be 100% sweet but is now occasionally mundane.

How do you know whether he's still the right one for you?

Would love to hear from both who has successfully went through this 'transitional' period, as well as those who decided to call the relationship off.

You must ask yourself, are you willing to give more than you take.

[Guest -Paratrooper-]

My partner and I have been together 16 years.

 

"Honeymoon" phase ended long time ago.

 

Then came the "I Hate You Don't Leave Me/I Love You Fuck Off and Die" phase, the "Mid-life Crises(plural form)" phase, the "Experiment With Parallel Relationship" phase, and also some additional ones which I no longer recall.

 

Somehow we made it (to quote Chaka Khan) "through the fire", and for the past few years we've been going through a "contentedly nuah" phase.

 

The one thing I've learnt is that relationships are unfathomable. 

 

Any attempt to create a formula/elixir/panacea for the perfect relationship is a woeful exercise in futility.  

 

 

[warlock88]

My partner and I have been together 16 years.

 

"Honeymoon" phase ended long time ago.

 

Then came the "I Hate You Don't Leave Me/I Love You Fuck Off and Die" phase, the "Mid-life Crises(plural form)" phase, the "Experiment With Parallel Relationship" phase, and also some additional ones which I no longer recall.

 

Somehow we made it (to quote Chaka Khan) "through the fire", and for the past few years we've been going through a "contentedly nuah" phase.

 

The one thing I've learnt is that relationships are unfathomable. 

 

Any attempt to create a formula/elixir/panacea for the perfect relationship is a woeful exercise in futility.  

 

awwwwwwww  :clap:  :clap:  :clap:  :clap:

[Qiqi]

change of mindset is a must to keep it warm.

[Gray]

Strange. Me and my guy are really an anomaly then.

 

Together for 3 years+ and we're kinda still in the honeymoon period. Actually I'm not even sure how the honeymoon period is defined. Just something like still looking forward to seeing each other and talking everyday and looking forward to doing things together. But we never do anything romantic though. Just slack and chill at home together.

[derryfawne]

You must ask yourself, are you willing to give more than you take.

 

I'm not sure I fully understand what you're getting at. Care to elaborate?

 

My partner and I have been together 16 years.

 

"Honeymoon" phase ended long time ago.

 

Then came the "I Hate You Don't Leave Me/I Love You Fuck Off and Die" phase, the "Mid-life Crises(plural form)" phase, the "Experiment With Parallel Relationship" phase, and also some additional ones which I no longer recall.

 

Somehow we made it (to quote Chaka Khan) "through the fire", and for the past few years we've been going through a "contentedly nuah" phase.

 

The one thing I've learnt is that relationships are unfathomable. 

 

Any attempt to create a formula/elixir/panacea for the perfect relationship is a woeful exercise in futility.  

 

That's very admirable.

 

Clearly we can't expect smooth-sailing relationship. Turbulence will come and go, but how we navigate through the conflicts is what separates successful relationship from those that fail. Hope that 16 years will continue forever. =)

 

Thing is, the realization that two people in love should take note with the honeymoon period is the blessed feeling.  That there is somebody who wants to share a part of another's life.  With thankfulness, the gratitude that love happens goes a long way.  Honeymoon period doess not, and must not, move from honeymoon phase to regret or taking things for granted.  Instead, it should move forward into a healthy good relationship.  It should move into a deeper and more complete state of being.  It is at this stage, albeit everything else is beautiful, that one must realizes these three things:

 

01.  Do you want to love him?

02.  Do you want him?

03.  Do you want a relationship with him?

 

While the feeling inside the honeymoon period is often good, the couple should not forget how to live.  It is important during this stage that communication is established.  But one must know, while communication is constant and only the mechanics for two different people to get to know each other better, to establish the reality of each other, Faith and Trust have to set in.  When there is faith and when there is trust, a foundation is established.

 

We must always learn that we cannot change anyone to become who we are.  All we can ask is for acceptance and understanding.    All that we can do is to honor that we have fallen in love with someone; someone who has his pasts, his own perculiar and unique ways of thinking and personality.

 

I think this is an interesting read. Thanks for sharing.

[derryfawne]

Strange. Me and my guy are really an anomaly then.

 

Together for 3 years+ and we're kinda still in the honeymoon period. Actually I'm not even sure how the honeymoon period is defined. Just something like still looking forward to seeing each other and talking everyday and looking forward to doing things together. But we never do anything romantic though. Just slack and chill at home together.

 

That period sounds more like what Exynos termed as "comfort" stage.

 

I think that in honeymoon period, your bf will be #1 on your thought most of the time. You'll miss him when he's not around and have hours of phone chats; you just can't let go conversing with this person again and again.

 

In comfort stage, both of you have known each other quite well. Both of you are behaving like your normal self now, sometimes you don't care if you don't polish yourself before meeting him. Doesn't matter anymore if you don't put on the nicest clothes just for him, you enjoy each other's company but don't do sweet stuff anymore, your bad habits have begun to unmasked. I think it's during this period that the flaws and differences begin to show, and whether or not you can accept each other for who they really are will be tested.

[glowingember]

When the honeymoon period is over, and the feeling is no longer as strong as before.

Differences are no longer cute, but tolerated. In fact, sometimes they begin to irritate you.

Distances begin to grow, when dating used to be 100% sweet but is now occasionally mundane.

 

How do you know whether he's still the right one for you?

 

Would love to hear from both who has successfully went through this 'transitional' period, as well as those who decided to call the relationship off.

 

Hey Derry, 

Your first 3 sentences give a clear indication already. 

 

Looking from a different angle: How do you know whether you're still the right one for him?

[onlylonely]

Strange. Me and my guy are really an anomaly then.

Together for 3 years+ and we're kinda still in the honeymoon period. Actually I'm not even sure how the honeymoon period is defined. Just something like still looking forward to seeing each other and talking everyday and looking forward to doing things together. But we never do anything romantic though. Just slack and chill at home together.

[teentitans]

I hardly go serious into dates, but the previous one lasted close to a year...and this story always pops up in my mind, whenever friends who are attached around me starts to have doubts about their dates/partners.

AM I WITH THE RIGHT PARTNER?

During a seminar, a woman asked," How do I know if I am with the right person?"

The author then noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so he said, "It depends. Is that your partner?" In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?" Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind replied the author.

Here's the answer.

Every relationship has a cycle… In the beginning; you fall in love with your partner. You anticipate their calls, want their touch, and like their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called "falling" in love.

People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet."Picture the expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something happened TO YOU.

Falling in love is a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few months or years of being together, the euphoria of love fades. It's a natural cycle of EVERY relationship.

Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship; you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.

At this point, you and/or your partner might start asking, "Am I with the right person?" And as you reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when relationships breakdown.

The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the person you found.

People blame their partners for their unhappiness and look outside for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes.

Infidelity is the most common. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your relationship. It lies within it.

I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could. And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later.

Because (listen carefully to this):

The key to succeeding in a Relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the Person you found.

SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. You have to work on it day in and day out. It takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it demands WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make it work. Make no mistake about it.

Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your partner), Just as there are physical laws Of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. If you know how to apply these laws, the results are predictable.

Love is therefore a "decision". Not just a feeling.

Remember this always: God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let GO..

 

I did my best, really. So for those who are attached and finds that the honeymoon period is over, ask yourself what attracted you in the first place? Face? Body? Or is it him as himself, really?