iamziz Posted December 19, 2014 Report Share Posted December 19, 2014 Can You Be Happy For Your Ex When He Finds Another Man? NEVER TRAIN YOUR BRAIN FOR PAIN It seems impossible to find happiness after a break up. When your ex-boyfriend finds another man, it feels like God is pouring salt on an open wound. Pictures of them pop up on Facebook, his relationship status changes, and all the while you’re crying behind your laptop petting your cat and chanting a curse you found on an old Charmed fan site. I speak from personal experience. There are good and bad things about dwelling in the past. While it might be where you’re most comfortable, in order to learn from it you need to have some kind of conscious existence in the present. The two work hand in hand to help you move forward, but when you favor one over the other you’ll end up either repeating history or staying weighed down by regret and pain. Neither of which promote healing. When you keep yourself from moving on, not only are you denying yourself the right to be happy, but also for a better future. You don’t necessarily have to be happy for them, but at least be content with the fact that he’s moved on. You can even use it as fuel to forward your own healing process. Let me give you an example. I went through a rather tumultuous breakup last year. After it all went down, I felt so sorry for myself that I ended up becoming everything I resented. I was bitter, cynical, hateful, and even toxic. I hated him for hurting me and when I found out he was in another relationship, I hated him even more. I carried it around me like a dark cloud for months, until one day it happened. I saw them together when I was by myself. My ex-boyfriend and his new man were across the street at a coffee shop holding hands. All the bad feelings I had for him came back full force. Everything turned red and it took all the energy I had to keep me from running across the intersection and strangling them both to death. But as I looked closer, I noticed something. They were laughing. Not only were they laughing, they were touching. They walked out of the coffee shop and around the corner to Trader Joe’s, where they assumingly were buying food to cook together that night. He was happy, they were happy. And what was I? Still unhappy. I was stuck inside my own pain, too stubborn to wean myself out of it. The pain turned into a shield I had used to deflect all other perspectives, including my own. What was I doing wasting all this time being bitter when I could have been using it towards rebuilding my life? Progressing towards the next phase, welcoming opportunities, and restructuring the foundation that had been so fractured. What was I getting out of it? What did I have to gain? NOTHING. It’s hard to be happy for your ex-boyfriend when he finds another, but it is easy to find your own happiness after such turmoil. The burden of negativity is heavy. It eats away at your soul and literally prevents you from finding any kind of lesson. One of the biggest lessons I know I’ve learned in my life is that sometimes there is no lesson to be learned. Sometimes bad things happen to good people. Sometimes crazy people come into your life for no reason except to shake it up a bit. Sometimes lessons aren’t lessons at all, but tests. And tests are meant to be passed; not kept. It might never be easy to forgive what happened so you can look happily at pictures of your ex and his new man with reverence, but by God, the very least you can do is learn to get over it. The grudges you feel are only hurting you, not them. You can sit back and curse the day you met him, pray to God that someone runs over his cat, or hopes that maybe he’ll also get his heart broken too, but energy like that is designed to self-destruct. Trust me when I say if you ever want to move on, you need to recognize the source of the pain. Never train your brain for pain. We forget that our brains are organic machines. Once we create a habit, it will continuously bring itself back to that space even if we don’t want it to. Thoughts pop up back into our heads because of our repetitive nature to revisit it time and time again. Never let yourself get there. Allow the past to boost you forward, not hold you back. If you want to be content with how things turned out, you have to allow it to pass you by. Source: http://www.gayguys.com/2014/12/can-happy-ex-finds-another-man/ Anonymouslymystical 1 ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ 善待对人。麻烦用英文来表达信息。不是每个人都会看的懂中文 。| “People need to learn the art of making an argument. Often there is no right or wrong. It's just your opinion vs someone else's opinion. How you deliver that opinion could make the difference between opening a mind, changing an opinion or shutting the door. Sometimes folk just don't know when they've "argued" enough. Learn when to shut up." ― J'son M. Lee Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest 666 Posted December 19, 2014 Report Share Posted December 19, 2014 I still have contacts with and on cordial terms with all my exes. So no, I have no hard feelings and I feel happy for my exes if they find a nice bf. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest Posted December 19, 2014 Report Share Posted December 19, 2014 Yes ! There will be no lack of idiots to love another idiotic being !! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Yu Posted December 19, 2014 Report Share Posted December 19, 2014 Yes ! There will be no lack of idiots to love another idiotic being !!...and an idiot making such comment! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jason_forfriendsonly Posted December 20, 2014 Report Share Posted December 20, 2014 Well, not everyone are husband / partner material. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
azimuth Posted December 20, 2014 Report Share Posted December 20, 2014 Control your mind / thoughts and you control your future / destiny. :-) mate69 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts