Sexless Relationship

[Netizen]

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Edited January 22, 2025 by Netizen

[aqux]

im having similar situation

[Limix11]

me too...

[Friendly]

There are many topics in the internet on how to keep the relationship strong and happy. We sometime talk about it, experience others sex play..like massage or take a break and have sex in the difference enviroment..ect..Traveling can also be fun to build up relationship. Go experience the many things that both partners has not done before  and make it fun. L.O.V.E stands for Lots Of Voluntary Efforts. 

[IkuTube]

Intimacies for the first few years were frequent, and diminishes over the years. Love and bondage on the other hand, were built and become stronger progressively.

Would like to connect with those in similar situation to share our thoughts, and how we manage our relationships.

 

Sorry that I am hijacking your initiative with this thread, Netizen.

 

May I add, in giving a right perspective to the issue, do indicate:

 

01.  The length of the relationship?

02.  At which year of the relationship that sex stops?

03.  Are there other forms of intimaticies that continue to exist? (touching, kissing, hugging, cuddling ...)

04.  Is it a mutual thing, i.e. both partners not participating or is it one-sided where one still desires sex but another is no longer interested?

05.  Has any form of communication or sharing took place to talk about it?

06.  Do you guys stay together?

 

I am sure this thread is not about making the choice to leave your partner but how deprivation can ease the way of life.

[Netizen]

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Edited January 22, 2025 by Netizen

[Guest 72%dark]

Love and bondage on the other hand, were built and become stronger progressively.

I’m guessing you mean bonding, meaning coming together/being united (rather than bondage, which actually means slavery – literal or figurative – or has a specific sexual fetish interpretation)?

 

 

We have been together for about 15 years now, sex progressively got lesser from the 5th - 6th year onwards. We still do hold hands and kiss each other, but sex is near to none. We have not openly talked about this, and candidly it seems alright for us not to talk about it. We live together and lead a life similar to that of any married couple.

I am not seeking to leave the relationship and I strongly believe he isn't either. We have too many commitments together. Our relationship is stable, we care for each other, and I do feel our love for each other.

From your description you don’t sound particularly bothered by the reduction in sexual activity. If this is correct, and if your partner isn’t bothered by it either, then I think there’s actually nothing to be concerned about. In the end it’s what continues to make both of you happy together that matters.

 

(But if you are somewhat concerned, then yes, this is a familiar issue that long-term couples face, and the usual advice comes in, such as introducing novelty into sex that has become routine, and so on.)

[Guest 72%dark]

(excerpted from The Intimacy Dance: A Guide to Long-Term Success in Gay and Lesbian Relationships, Betty Berzon, pp.137–9, http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/339935.The_Intimacy_Dance)

 

 

SIX ENEMIES OF SEXUAL DESIRE IN LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIPS

 

The Thrill Is Gone

 

For people who have spent too much time in the arena of single sex, with its emphasis on the hunt, sex with a willing and available partner can sometimes lose its appeal after the initial passion is over. Sex may become too easy, lacking the excitement of the conquest. If

an important element of one’s sex life had been the incentive to “score,” relationship sex could be too routine and predictable.

 

 

The Incest Taboo

 

In her book Peer Marriages: How Love Between Equals Really Works, sociologist Pepper Schwartz writes:

 

For a few, there is the creation of something very much like an incest taboo. Sex may suffer if the “best friend” identity of a spouse overwhelms the identity of lover. . . . The challenge for peer couples is to shake up their sexual relationship every now and then and not let sex get so friendly that it never allows for another self to emerge and excite the other person.

 

The incest taboo is more likely to occur with same-sex couples, where there is not the complementarity of opposite genders. I have had couples tell me that they have become like brothers, or sisters, rather than lovers, that they felt so close that having sex seemed like incest. Neither partner was satisfied with this but they had slipped into a pattern of not having sex and they didn’t know how to get out of it.

 

 

Ritualized Sex

 

This is a common issue in long-term relationships where much that goes on in a couple’s life becomes routine:

 

We have sex only on Saturday morning. We always do the same thing in the same place in the same order. We’ve been doing it this way for years. It’s boring but neither of us says anything about it. I guess it’s easier this way because nobody has to take responsibility for making it happen any other time. Sometimes we just skip it without talking about it.

 

 

Too Many Distractions

 

Life is just too crowded with events and obligations—an active social life, professional/ business/student commitments, work/school—related problems to think about, organizational responsibilities, family conflicts, save-the-world issues. There just aren’t enough hours in the day. Or, it’s hard to think about sex with so much on your mind. Or, we’re so busy, we just forget to do it.

 

 

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Nb. The fifth and sixth ‘enemies’ are letting interpersonal conflicts carry over into the bedroom, and substance abuse.

[Guest 72%dark]

(excerpted from The Intimacy Dance: A Guide to Long-Term Success in Gay and Lesbian Relationships, Betty Berzon, pp.140–1, http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/339935.The_Intimacy_Dance)

 

So, when sex wanes, here are some ideas about how to get it to wax again. The idea is to find ways to integrate sex, romance, intimacy, and fun. Romance? When did you last look into your beloved’s eyes? I mean really looked directly into those eyes without looking away. When did you last play the old music that used to set the scene for romantic interludes? Isn’t it time to do that again, to recapture the mood?

 

Who initiates? Does the one usually pursuing want to be pursued? Can you boost the volume on your amorous feelings, make the signals louder than usual? Turn the tables on the usual routine, vary the pattern, determine to do something different. Who’s responsible for making sex happen? Can you change that?

 

Have you been shortcutting the foreplay? In too much of a hurry? Slow down. Take your time. Enjoy the sensuality of being with your lover’s body. Touch it. Rediscover it. Talk to it. Give yourself permission to do something you’ve never done before. Surprise your partner. Commit yourself to an erotic adventure. Invite the child in your partner to come out and play with the child in you.

 

Do adornments turn you on? Put on something you would never ordinarily wear—or that you would certainly never wear right there. Let your libido be your guide. Dress crazy. Act crazy. Do anything that’s spontaneous (unthinkable?). Make a menu of erotic acts. Order from the menu. Never used sex toys? Maybe it’s time to try them. Did that already? Maybe it’s time to try some new ones.

 

If the need is for something more titillating to arouse the lover in you, how about getting out the old erotic videos, magazines, or books on gay or lesbian sex play? (Plenty of all of them around.) Never used erotica before? Why not have this kind of adventure together now? No, you don’t have to buy into the values that inspire these enterprises, just use them as props in your own sexual productions. (…)

 

If getting back to sex as romance is too difficult to accomplish in your own home setting, how about some trips to romantic places? A client recently told me about making love with his partner on Fire Island in an upstairs bedroom with the windows thrown open and the fog rolling in from the ocean. They had been having a dry spell in their sex life but on this night away from home they felt carried off to a place of incredible sexual intensity.

 

There are villages and towns everywhere in the world that are perfect backdrops for romantic encounters with your partner. For many people the ocean produces erotic feelings, for others it is the mountains, the desert, snow falling, or the sun blazing. Just getting away from the daily grind can be an aphrodisiac. Is it time you journeyed to some off-site playground to reawaken the ardor in your lovemaking?