Be Happy :)

[worldangel]

Joke: Stuffed lion

 

A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home.

 

In the den was a stuffed lion. The visiting hunter asked, "When did you bag him?"

 

The host said, "that was three years ago, when I went hunting with my wife."

 

"What's he stuffed with," asked the visiting hunter.

 

 

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Golden Anniversary

 

 

An aged farmer and his wife were leaning against the edge of their pig-pen when the old woman wistfully recalled that the next week would mark their golden wedding anniversary.

 

"Let's have a party, Homer," she suggested. "Let's kill a pig."

 

The farmer scratched his grizzled head.

 

"Gee, Ethel," he finally answered, "I don't see why the pig should take the blame for something that happened fifty years ago."

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: That’s once

 

 

A farmer and his brand new bride were riding home from the chapel in a wagon pulled by a team of horses, when the older horse stumbled.

 

The farmer said, "That's once."

 

A little further along, the poor old horse stumbled again.

 

The farmer said, "That's twice."After a little, while the poor old horse stumbled again.

 

The farmer didn't say anything, but reached under the seat, pulled out a shotgun and shot the horse.

His brand new bride yelled, telling him, "That was an awful thing to do."

 

The farmer said, "That's once."

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Drunk enough

 

A man walks into a bar and orders one shot.

 

Then he looks into his shirt pocket and orders another shot.

 

After he finishes, he looks into his shirt pocket again and orders another shot.

 

The bartender is curious and askes him, "Every time you order a shot, you look in your shirt pocket. Why?"

 

The man replies, "I have a picture of my wife in my pocket and when she starts to look good, I go home."

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Quiet burglar

 

A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before.

 

"You'll get your chance in court," said the Desk Sergeant.

 

"No, no no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"

 

[worldangel]

Joke: So drunk

 

 

A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something about his girlfriend being out in the car.

 

The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her.

 

When he looked inside the car, he saw the drunk's buddy, Pete, and his girlfriend going at it in the back-seat.

 

The bartender shook his head and walked back inside.

 

He told the drunk that he thought it might be a good idea to check on his girlfriend.

 

The drunk staggered outside to the car, saw Pete and his girlfriend entwined, then walked back into the bar laughing.

 

"What's so funny?" the bartender asked.

 

"That damned Pete!" the drunk chortled, "He's so drunk, he thinks he's me!"

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Appropriate punishment

 

Through the kitchen window a farmer's wife sees her son coming home from school.

 

The boy's in a bad mood, and as he crosses the field he kicks a pig.

 

He walks a little further and kicks a cow.

 

Once inside, his mother says, "I saw what you did, young man! For kicking the pig you'll get no bacon for a week, andfor kicking the cow, no milk for a week."

 

Just at that moment, the boy's father walks through the door and boots the cat halfway across the room.

 

The boy looks at his mother and says, "Do you wanna tell him, or should I?"

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Saturday night date

 

 

One Friday afternoon, two secretaries were hanging around the water-cooler at the office.

 

"Veronica, I just don't know what to do," Gloria said to her friend at work. "That good-looking Alex in accounting asked me out on a date for Saturday night. Should I go?"

 

"Oh, my God!" her friend exclaimed. "He'll wine you, dine you, and then use any ruse to get you up to his apartment. Then he'll rip off your dress and you'll have fantastic sex!"

 

"What should I do?" asked Gloria.

 

Her friend quickly replied, "Wear an old dress."

 

 

[clementi]

Joke: Don’t move

 

 

A man is in a hospital bed completely wrapped up in a body cast.

 

One of the nurses gave him a rectal thermometer and said, "Don't move, I'll be right back."

 

When she returned the thermometer was in his mouth.

 

She asked in amazement, "How did you get that in your mouth, you can't even move?"

 

"I hiccupped."

[clementi]

Joke: Constipated

 

 

A construction worker goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I'm constipated."

 

The doctor examines him for a minute and then says, "Lean over the table."

 

The construction worker leans over the table, the doctor whacks him on the ass with a baseball bat, and then sends him into the bathroom.

 

He comes out a few minutes later and says, "Doc, I feel great. What should I do?"

 

The doctor says, "Stop wiping with cement bags."

 

 

 

 

 

[clementi]

Joke: Listen at the wall

 

 

There was this man in a mental hospital.

All day he would put his ear to the wall and listen.
 

The doctor would watch this guy do this day after day.

So the doctor finally decided to see what the guy was listening to, so he put his ear up to the wall and listened.

 

He heard nothing.

 

So he turned to the mental patient and said, "I don't hear anything."

The mental patient said, "Yeah, I know. It's been like that for months!"

 

 

 

 

[clementi]

Joke: Male & Female brains

 

 

A man went to the doctor.

 

The doctor came in and said, "Well, I've got some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that you have an inoperable brain tumor. The good news is our hospital has just been certified to do brain transplants and there has been an accident right out front and a young couple was killed and you can have whichever brain you'd like. The man's brain costs $100,000.00 and the woman's brain costs "30,000.00."

 

The patient could not help but ask, "Why such a large difference between the male and the female brain?"

 

The doctor replied, "The female brain is used."

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Beautiful lady and homeless man

 

A pretty lady is standing on the side of a bridge, looking over it and thinking about jumping off. A homeless alcoholic man comes up to her as he was walking nearby.

The lady notices the man coming and says:

- Go away! There's nothing you can say to me to change my mind, you cannot help me.
- Well, if you're going to kill yourself anyway, why don't we have sex? At least I'll enjoy it – replies the man. 

- No way, you're disgusting, go away.
The homeless man turns and starts walking away.

The lady thinks: Is that all you were going to say to me? Nothing more? Won’t you try to convince me that life is worth living that I should not jump off? Where are you going?

The homeless man thinks: I have to make it down to the bottom. If I hurry, you'll still be warm.

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Sailors

A ship with 30 sailors and one woman stranded on a desert island. After one month the woman says:
- I can not proceed in this way.

 

And she suicides herself. After another month, the sailors say: - We can not proceed in this way.

And they bury the woman. The next month, the sailors say:  - We can not proceed in this way.

 

And they dig up the woman.

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Stress

 

 

You stop and pick up a nice hitchhiking girl. Suddenly she loses consciousness and you take her to a hospital. This is stress.  In the hospital you are being told that she is pregnant and doctors start congratulating you with the future newborn.

 

You explain that just an hour ago you have seen her for the first time in your life, but she starts telling that you are the father. This is a big stress already. You require for a DNR analysis and they make it.

 

Then the doctors tell you silently, that actually you can't be a father since you are genetically sterile. This is a stress, combined with a relief. On your way back home you remember, that you have three kids. That's what the real stress is.

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Why?

 

A kid asks his father:

- Daddy, why do dogs keep licking their crotch?

- The reason is, my dear son, that dogs cannot make a paw into a fist. 
 

[worldangel]

Joke: Remarry

A husband asks his wife:

 

- If I die, will you remarry?

- Of course no, darling, I will stay with my sister. And if I die, will you remarry?

- No, I will also stay with your sister.

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Birthday present

 

 

Two ladies talk:

- I have congratulated my husband with his birthday - I presented him with the set of spoon-baits

- What a great idea and logic idea - your husband has been going to fish every weekend for the last ten years.

- Indeed. But the problem is that he looked at the set of those spoon-baits and asked what it is...

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Face powder

 

In the evening a lady sent her husband to buy some cigarettes. He went to a kiosk, but it was closed? What he should do now? He notices a bar around the corner. He comes into a bar, buys cigarettes. He looks around and notices a young lady with a perfect body. What a beautiful body! Perfect curly hear! Waw..

A man orders beer and sits down at her table… Then he orders cognac for both of them… then beer again, and cognac again..
Suddenly he wakes up. 3 am. Where is he? Oooops, naked in the bed with the girl!
A man tells her:

- Do you have face powder?
Lady:  
- I do.
- Give me some of it.

 

A man quickly rubs his hands with a face powder and runs back home. His wife opens the door and asks?
- Hey bastard, where have you been?
- You see, I went to a shop – it was closed. Then I went into a bar nearby and found a pretty lady there. I drank beer, cognac, beer, then cognac again.. I woke up at 3 am in her bed!..
Wife tells him:

- Wait wait… show me your hands, you bastard!.. I see you’ve been playing bowling all night long again!...
 

[worldangel]

Joke: Pants

 

Two men talk:

- The thing which I would like the most to do now is go back home and tear off the pants of my wife.

- WOW man, you’re relationship with wife is still so passionate, right?

- Not really, her pants got my balls in a choke hold.

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Fishing

 

Wife to husband:

- Honey, Robert called you.
- What did he want.
- He asked to pass the message to you that you will not go fishing tomorrow.
- Why not?
- Because the bar was closed for the repair works.
 

[worldangel]

Joke: At dentist

 

Monica is at the dentist. Half of her mouth is locked due to anesthesia, the dentist is intensively working. Monica's mobile phone starts ringing. Ignoring it four times, the dentist finally answers the phone pissed:

- What’s up?

- What’s up?, - some man asks.

Dentist:
- Who are you?
- I’m Monica’s husband

Dentist:
- Listen, man, I’m about to finish, she will spit it out and will call you back!!!
 

[worldangel]

Joke: Sex toy

 

In a sex toys store a guy asks for an inflatable doll. The seller:

- Would you like a regular one, or the one with artificial intellect?
- With artificial intellect, please.

The next day the same guy returns and asks:

- Please change it to a regular one…
- Why?
- She didn't give it to me.

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Murderer

The judge asks the murderer:

- Why did you kill that old lady?
- For money..

- But you got only 20 cents
- Yes, but killing five of them would already make a dollar.

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Marriage

 

A couple is celebrating their 30 years anniversary of marriage. The husband asks his wife:

We have grown 12 kids. But Johnny is different from the rest. Please, tell me honestly, I will forgive you, but I wanna know – maybe you have cheated on me?

The wife replies: Yes, I was. Johnny is your real son...

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Taxi drivers

 

 

A guy went to a casino and lost all 10 000$. Swearing for the situation he goes to a taxi driver and asks:

- I have lost all my money, please give me a ride back home for free.
- F**k off, no money, no ride.

The next day the guys come to casino again and this time he successfully won all the money back and 10 000$ extra. Hi goes out of the casino happily and sees five taxis, and the last car is the one, which refused to give a ride for free yesterday.

He goes to the first taxi and says:
- Will you take me home for 100$?
- Sure!
- But when you take me there you'll have to do the blow-job as well
- F**k off, man..

The guy goes to all next three cars and the story repeats. Finally he goes to the last taxi driver, who refused to help a day ago, and says:
- Will you take me home for 100$?
- Sure!

- Deal, but you have to pass through those other four taxi drivers very, very slowly.

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Sex

 

- Sex?
- Seven to eleven times a week.
- No, no... I mean male or female?

- No difference, male, female, sometimes camel
- Holy cow!

- Yes, cow too, but also sheep, all kinds of animals.
- But isn't that hostile?

- Horse style, doggy style, free style, any style - you name it!
- Oh dear!

- No, no! Deer run too fast.
 

[worldangel]

Joke: A strange voice

 

 

A man walked in to a bar after a long day at work.

As he began to drink his beer, he heard a voice say seductively, "You've got great hair!"

 

The man looked around but couldn't see where the voice was coming from, so he went back to his beer.

 

A minute later, he heard the same soft voice say, "You're a handsome man!"

The man looked around, but still couldn't see where the voice was coming from.

 

When he went back to his beer, the voice said again, "What a stud you are!"

The man was so baffled by this that he asked the bartender what was going on.

 

The bartender said "Oh, it's the nuts, they're complimentary."

 

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: The fourth marriage

 

 

An older woman was in the pastoral study counseling for her upcoming fourth wedding.

 

"Father," she said, "How am I going to tell my husband that I am still a virgin?"

"My child, you have been a married woman for many years. Surely that cannot be," he replied.

 

"Well Father, my first husband was a psychologist, and all he wanted to do was talk. The next one was in construction and he always said he'd get to it tomorrow. The last one was a gynecologist and all he did was look at it. But this time, Father, I'm marrying a lawyer, so I'm sure I'm going to get screwed this time!"

[worldangel]

Joke: A worm in a whiskey

 

 

A man drinks a shot of whiskey every night before bed.

 

After years of this, the wife wants him to quit; she gets two shot glasses, filling one with water and the other with whiskey.

 

After getting him to the table that had the glasses, she brings his bait box.

She says "I want you to see this."

 

She puts a worm in the water it, and it swims around.

She puts a worm in the whiskey, and the worm dies immediately.

 

She then says, feeling that she has made her point clear, "what do you have to say about this experiment?"

 

He responds by saying, "If I drink whiskey, I won't get worms!"

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: If she went out with me

 

 

A man had been out in the back woods for weeks, cutting logs.

He was a bit scruffy and didn't smell very good.

 

Finally he needed a break and came in to town for a few beers.

In the bar, he saw the local jock of the town's football team.

He was bragging about his girlfriend and how she was lucky to have him for a boyfriend.

 

The lumberjack, after drinking six bottles of beer, was heard to say, "Buddy, if she went out with me, she'd never go out with you ever again."

 

To which the local jock replied, "Hey buddy, if she went out with you, she'd never go out with ANYONE ever again."

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Fallen bridge

 

 

A blonde and her blond boyfriend went for a walk along the river.

The blonde walked across alone on a wooden bridge.

 

After crossing the river, the bridge fell down.

 

She called across to her blond boyfriend telling him that she couldn't get back.

He yelled in response, "Wait until dark, and I will shine my flash light across the river. Get on the light beam and walk back."

 

She replied, "No, I'll get half way across the river, and you will turn the light off on me!"

 

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Raise my mast

 

 

The guy leered at the babe at the yacht-club.

"Hey, baby, would you help me 'raise my mast?'"

 

"No thanks," she said sweetly. "I heard about you from your ex and she included a 'small craft' warning."

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Magic mirror

 

 

A young woman buys a mirror at an antique shop, and hangs it on her bathroom door.

 

One evening, while getting undressed, she playfully says "Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my bust-line forty four."

 

Instantly, there is a brilliant flash of light, and her boobs grow to enormous proportions.

 

Excitedly, she runs to tell her husband what has happened, and in minutes they both return.

 

This time the husband crosses his fingers and says, "Mirror mirror on the door, make my manhood touch the floor!"

 

Again, there's a bright flash and both his legs fall off.

 

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Blind date

 

 

The blind date hadn't been all that great and she was relieved the evening was finally over.

 

At her apartment door, he suddenly said "Hey! You wanna see my underwear?"

Before she could respond, he had dropped his pants, right there in the hall, revealing that he wasn't wearing any.

 

She glanced down and said, "Nice design, does it also come in men's sizes?"

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Playing doctor

 

 

Two married men are in a pub discussing their love life when one says, "Have you ever tried playing doctor?" 

His mate says, "No, what's it like?" 

The man replies, "It's amazing me and my wife were playing for the whole of last night must of been about 10 hours." 

His mate, shocked says, "10 hours!? How the hell did you manage that long?" 

"I just left her in waiting room for 9 and a half hours."

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Speeding

 

 

 

A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a group of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over. 

The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, "Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don't think it's fair - there were plenty of other cars around me who were going just as fast, so why did I get the ticket?" 

"Ever go fishing?" the policeman suddenly asked the man. 

"Um, yeah..." the startled man replied. 

The officer grinned and added, "Did you ever catch all the fish?"

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Manager advice

 

A new manager spends a week at his new office with the manager he is replacing. On the last day the departing manager tells him, "I have left three numbered envelopes in the desk drawer. Open an envelope if you encounter a crisis you can't solve." 

Three months down the track there is major drama, everything goes wrong - the usual stuff - and the manager feels very threatened by it all. 

He remembers the parting words of his predecessor and opens the first envelope. The message inside says "Blame your predecessor!" He does this and gets off the hook. 

About half a year later, the company is experiencing a dip in sales, combined with serious product problems. The manager quickly opens the second envelope. The message read, "Reorganize!" This he does, and the company quickly rebounds. 

Three months later, at his next crisis, he opens the third envelope. The message inside says "Prepare three envelopes"

 

 

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Vampire blood

 

 

A vampire bat came flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood and parked himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep. 

Pretty soon all the other bats smelt the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He told them to go away and let him get some sleep. However, the bats persisted until finally he gave in. 

"OK, follow me," he said and flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Down through a valley they went, across a river and into a forest full of trees. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly milled around him. 

"Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asked. 

"Yes, yes, yes!" the bats all screamed in a hungry frenzy. 

"Good," said the first bat tiredly, "Because I didn't!"

[worldangel]

Joke: Cheap bar

 

 

A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks 
for a beer. 

"Certainly, sir, that'll be 1 cent." 

"One penny?!" exclaimed the guy. 

The barman replied, "Yes." 

So, the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks, "Could I have a 
nice juicy T-bone steak, with fries, peas, and a salad?" 

"Certainly sir," replies the bartender, "but all that comes to 
real money." 

"How much money?" inquires the guy. 

"Four cents," he replies. 

"Four cents?!" exclaims the guy. "Where's the guy who owns this 
place?" 

The barman replies, "Upstairs with my wife." 

The guy says, "What's he doing with your wife?" 

The bartender replies, "Same as what I'm doing to his business."

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Appointments

 

One night, as a couple lies down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts rubbing her arm. 

The wife turns over and says, "I'm sorry, honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh." 

The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again. 

This time he whispers in her ear, "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow, too?"

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Fishing

 

A man and his new bride check into a hotel, looking forward to their honeymoon. After they go upstairs the desk clerks looks up and sees the man walking downstairs with his tackle box and fishing pole. He walks out the door and is gone until nearly midnight. 

Before dawn the next morning, once again the desk clerk sees the man walking out the door with his fishing pole and tackle box. He is gone all day and returns really late. 

On the third day as the man walks down the stairs with his tackle box and fishing pole, the desk clerk stops him. 

"Excuse me sir, but I understand you are on your honeymoon," He asks. 

"Yes sir.." The man replies. 

"Well, If my wife looked like that, I'd be upstairs in bed with her.." he says. 

"I can't, she's got gonnorhea." the man replies casually. 

"Okay, how 'bout a little oral action?" 

"Nope, she's got herpes" the man says calmly. 

Agitated, the desk clerk says "Well, you could take the back door.." 

"Nope, she's got diarrhea." 

Frustrated the desk clerk shouts "Well then what the hell did you marry her for?" 

The man smiles "She's got worms too..and they make good bait." 

 

[clementi]

Joke: Baby planes

 

 

A mother and her son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas to Chicago.

The son, who had been looking out the window, turned to his mother and said, "If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"

 

The mother, who couldn't think of an answer, told her son to ask the stewardess.

 

So the boyasked the stewardess, "If big dogs have baby dogs and bigcats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?"

The stewardess asked, "Did your mother tell you to ask me?"

 

The boy said that she had.

She then said, "Tell your mother that Southwest always pulls out on time."

 

 

 

[clementi]

Joke: After the third day

 

A company in the Foreign Legion had spent three years in the Sahara desert never having seen a woman.

 

They finally decide to send one private on vacation to the nearest town to spend some time with a woman and tell them all about it.

After a week the private comes back all happy and relaxed.

 

The whole company crowds around him waiting to hear of his great escapades.

"And on the third day..." he began.

 

"No! no! start with the first day," everyone yells out in chorus.

"And on the third day, " the private continues, "she asked me to stop so she could go to the bathroom..."

[clementi]

Joke: Bar, bar, bar

 

This man was sitting quietly reading his paper one morning, peacefully enjoying himself, when his wife sneaks up behind him and whacks him on the back of his head with a huge frying pan.

 

MAN: "What was that for?"

WIFE: "What was that piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Barbara Ann written on it?"

 

MAN: "Oh honey, remember two weeks ago when I went to the horse races? Barbara Ann was the name of one of the horses I bet on."

The wife looked all satisfied, apologizes, and goes off do work around the house.

 

Three days later he is once again sitting in his chair reading and she repeats the frying pan swatting.

MAN: "What the heck was that for this time?"

 

WIFE: "Your horse called."

[clementi]

Joke: Life is like a box of chocolate

 

 

Sally was driving home from one of her business trips in Northern Arizona when she saw an elderly Navajo woman walking on the side of the road. As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would like a ride.

 

With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into the car. Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman.

 

The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at everything she saw, studying every little detail, until she noticed a pink bag on the seat next to Sally.

"What in bag?" asked the old woman.

 

Sally looked down at the white bag and said, "It's a box of chocolates.
I got it for my husband".

 

The Navajo woman was silent for another moment or two. Then speaking with the quiet wisdom of an elder, she said: "Good trade."

[clementi]

Joke: Double vodka

 

 

A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman.

"Give me six double vodka."

 

The barman says, "Wow! you must have had one really bad day."

"Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."

 

The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks.

When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"

 

On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas.

 

The bartender said "WOW! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"

"Yeah, my wife..."

[worldangel]

Joke: Wandering dog

 

An old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home. 

He followed me into the house, down the hall, and fell asleep on the couch. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out. The next day he was back, resumed his position on the couch and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks. Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: 'Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.' 

The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: 'He lives in a home with four children -- he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?'

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Investment

 

An artist asked the gallery owner if there had been any interest in his paintings on display at that time. 

"I have good news and bad news," the owner replied. "The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings." 

"That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?" 

"The guy was your doctor."

 

[worldangel]

Joke: Free drinks

 

A drunk walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill." 

So, the bartender does just that and hands the man a bill for $57.00. The drunk says, "I haven't got it." 

The bartender slaps the guy around a few times then throws him out into the street. 

The very next day the same drunk walks into the bar and once again says, "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill." 

The bartender looks at the guy and figures to himself that he can't possibly be stupid enough to pull the same trick twice, so he gives him the benefit of the doubt, pours a round of drinks for the house, has a drink himself and hands the drunk a bill for $67.00. 

The drunk says, "I haven't got it." 

The bartender can't believe it. He picks the guy up, beats the living daylights out of him, then throws him out into the street. 

The next day the same drunk walks back into the same bar and says, "Bartender, buy every one in the house a drink, give me the bill. In disgust, the bartender says, "What, no drink for me this time?" 

The drunk replies, "You? No way! You get too violent when you drink.