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I am in a 100% monogamous relationship now. That is for my take, personally. As for my partner... I can only trust in faith. We started off as a monogamous relationship, but we were still immature then. We pointed fingers at each other for not keeping to the promise. I would defend that it was mostly him who lied and can't keep to being monogamous. But I have come to realized that I was only defending an ideal I do not know if I can carry myself. I took the excuse and lead a promiscuous life. We fought through the relationship for many years.... till the 8th year... I was filled with regrets and disappointment with my relationship. I have became someone I cannot agree with in a relationship. I might as well be alone till I find the one who can share my ideals. I recollected and remembered my ideals then. Suddenly, I saw the magic again. I felt the warmth when I see a happy couple and a family. It has always been played around us. The music and the scene of love. I was suddenly able to identify with it again and remembered the person I aspired to be. So I left him..... He was devastated. I refuse to forgive him. I refuse to become what I was when I was with him again, having been given a new lease of life. I sympathized with him for the torment he was going through and the need he had for me(for each other). I shut it all down in a show of strength. Till the 3rd month. He asked me to give him just one more chance. I considered it... and knowing very well that it was not entirely his fault as I had a play in it. I agreed. I remembered little love left when I returned. But I carried on with the agreed promise. Little by little, Love grew back. We both know that we are now completely serious about our decision. As my partner puts it. When things comes to be this crystal clear... it risk to be brittle like glass. (Now with new acquired experience and wisdom. I would say that glass is an intermediate state, it's final form is diamond.) Sure, I still get tempted by many guys... I am 36 and may I indulge in myself a bit here, rather nice. But I have realized that the hunger for others guys, the touch and adventure and the places where my relationship is lacking, will never be filled. If I take on the offer, the hunger will not be diminished, but instead, grows stronger. The repeated offers from someone I fancied is hard to resist. It is sad and cruel when I take the knife and cut off what that is starting to grow when I deemed it getting out of hand. And the guilt that follows into my relationship kills me. Even if my partner does not realized it... I know and it kills me. I learn to stay away... to steer away... give myself excuses to exit... let the tempter exit... while I closed my eyes and hope for heaven to do something for it to go away. Every time it passes... I am so glad that I did not take it. But to shed some light, it has become better and better. The hunger has been much more calm since we decided to go into our 100% monogamous relationship 3 years ago. Now I can actually go shopping and not think of cruising or check out other guys... unless someone really really my type catches my eye. Then I have to repeat the mantra in my mind.... "go away, go away". Him or me... better him, I can't move. =) heh....

This is very simple. Very Very often in life, we need to learn and attain our own truth through the very hard way, because true simple enlightenment about certain things, do not come so easily. You often have to lose something, in order to realize what you have really really lost. Sometimes such losses are more than what you gain at the end of your entire life. What I am going to say may sound very offending, but it is my years of accumulated observations, and I hope I can balance things here abit here, and dispel any bad blood here. 20 years in the scene, 11 relationships, numerous flings which amounts to 3 figures, I hope what I openly share , will add some light to your awareness here. For my life is an open book, for those I am close to. I started this scene more like a bi, when I was 16. When I was that young, I met good looking dashing hot bod guys who were in their 25 to 35. Most of them were attached, but spent their lives partying, on drugs, on orgies, you name it, and they have done it. They were about to in such a high gay profile activities, simply because they had the looks and the body that people will die to touch or to be seen with. At that early age I was already exposed to the gay culture. However, their activities do not represent how all gays lead their lives. There are good looking ones, who prefers a quiet simple life. 20 years later, when I do chance upon encountering them, I would say, they look in their most sorry and pathetic stage. They were already old uncles now. Balding, white haired, fat, wrinkled face, and some already have flabby dry skin with old age spots(bec they hang around in swimming pools) Thus reports written here about how these group of people, create a nuisance of themselves in swimming pools, public toilets, in certain well known parks and certain cruising spots are quite true, for I have seen it with my own eyes. There are even 50plus "out of shape" uncles who cruise in Abxxx. pursuing young boys relentlessly. Very often they get rejected abruptly. I feel so sorry for them. Its like they have become old worn out tennis shoes, that no one wants look at, and no one can use anymore. Because of all these observations, I decided a long time ago, to cherish a monogamous relationship (if it works out). I have to understand the harsh uneasy realities when one is in a relationship, and I must save enough money for my old age. What happens if I dont? I will be old, lonely and penniless by then. Do I really want to end up like them? From their doings and mistakes, I learn to be wise, and decided I should not end up in such a state. You see, the gay culture revolves around two things - sex and youth. The drive for pleasure principle is so strong that people have many sexual flings, may they be single or attached. The constant search for sex, is almost insatiable in our culture. Youth is highly worshiped, while old age is mocked and ignored. Because most of us simply forgot we too will grow old one day, for nothing is real and permanent in this physical 3dimensional world. So are all your flings. But we really need to go through this youth worshiping, sex fling phrase in ours lives, as part of the human experience. Thus there is nothing wrong with having sex, for sex a Nature's gift to men, as a human experience to express and feel good about himself, as how he expresses himself to others, and how he express his inner energy, or love to another being, regardless of the gender. In short, you can say it is a form of therapy and a form of interconnectedness There is nothing wrong in having sex, so as you are aware of what you are doing, and is responsible for your actions, and being responsible towards those who are immediately close to you. The main igredient here is just being honest and not to hurt unnecessary with mindfulness. When your youth is gone, time is against you and your market value is gone, and what are you left with? Its your loneliness. You will only see and feel it, when you see your friends being attached, when you see a happy family with kids, and especially during the festive seasons, when people are having celebration and fun, while you walk in the streets, all by yourselves. No amount of your sensual beautiful past memories of all your total flings can fulfill your old age loneliness. And that is why, people very often express their regrets, not cherishing what they had and could better with, when they were young , sexual and robust You can have all the flings you want, but one must plan one's life and have long term insights when planning. When your youth energy and flings are all gone, life doesn't have to end up in so tragically. You just have to embrace the new phrase, with all your past accumulated knowledge, and be kinder to yourself. You may be older, things of the past dont excite you anymore, but if you take a deep breath and slower your pace, you will start to realize, very often, the simpliest things in life are often the happiest and ...more permanent. It begins by looking inside of yourself, on how you decide your life should be. And for Imchaser, I am sorry to say this to you. You can't even discern between what is sex and love. How many times a person have sex with his partner, does not equate with the amount of love them have for each other. Thus by asking such a question, you had just revealed how inexperienced you really are.

Yeah right, because all we gays are lusting for innocent hairy teenage like u. Sorry not interested. Further more u r 18, not 5. Its not rocket science how to trim your pubic hair.

Hey u know what? See that small green positive button on the right side of this post? WHy not give me a positive by clicking on it if u like what i post in this thread? Im trying to see if u guys like me or not. Please vote for me. Thank you and have a nice day bitches.

Thanks. Its good to hear that not all people hates me once a while. Will contribute more for all of u who appreciate my works...

when i was your age (actually hor, it wasnt very long ago), i always tot that true love should be between 2 persons, no fxxking around, the govt knows best (okay that was like even longer while back!), monogamy is the way to go, teachers are like the most morale creatures around and have to be, God exists and Jesus is his only begotten son, yadayada... but 10 years on, i realised that sometimes some excitement maybe good for the relationship, the govt is useless but using old mentality to hold onto power, many teachers i know are like CCBs, and if God exists, so does santa claus. basically, certain things you will ONLY realise after you have personally been through several relationships and gone through life. also, another thing is that there are more grey things than there are black or white. open/closed/cheating relationships being one of them. and i think that morality is something that many different ppl has different standards and perceptions. it can even change over time, so i think morality is difficult to use as an arguement!

To: Imchaser I have never condemned open relationships in the first place. Like I said before, to each his own. If you had read my previous posts properly, I am only against cheating in a relationship/ marriage , and like u mentioned, open relationships and cheating are 2 very different things. Polygamous,monogamy, open relationships , fxxk buddies or whatever, it's our preference as long we don't hurt others in the process.

Thank you for sharing a summarised chronicle of your relationship with your bf, it's honest and realistic and yet hopeful at the same time. I agree with you that temptations , though hard to fight off, can be controlled and staved off with lots of determination, willpower, and of course, utilising the correct methods. What I don't really like about this thread is that the younger generation and those who are pro-monogamy, are regarded as inexperienced, all-assuming and overly moralistic. I know that some of the guys here who are not so welcoming of such pro-monogamy views most probabably have fxxked married guys/attached guys before or were/are in open r/s, hence they are more inclined to brush off the views of those who prefer monogamy. It's your own life and your own actions and if you think you are happy with it, then that's good for you as long no one is hurt. But there are people like us who prefer monogamy and are expressing our views on why we see it as our way to live our life rather than through the other type of r/s, and to be fair, maybe some of them have too strong/divisive views about it. However I see that some of the other users, especially the older ones, are so quick to brush us off and accused of us of this and that but have no solid arguments to back their points. But then there are the truly mature ones who really explain on why maybe monogamy might not work for everyone, especially us ajs, and I respect that.