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Not sure if the subset of mine or the circle of friends I have is a bad gauge, this thought process is solely my opinion based on my observation and personal experience in the circle for two years. I came to the conclusion that finding friends is less tedious, more practical, longer lasting and less consequential than a relationship. This thought was due to me dating a friend, in which things went south and broke up after, leaving behind a mess even between our mutual friend. Question is what if I didn't agree to date him and we remain as friends and closely bonded with our mutual friends? wouldn't have things move on peacefully if the attempt in RS didn't happen? With the consideration that in a RS we are both bound to our expectation of each other and thus far, I have seen more breakups due to different expectations and even those lovely ones of a few years came to an end... Is this just a bad thought or flawed comparison? Cause if I could turn back time I would have stop the date and all and remain status quo as friends...

I'll turn 24 this year. 24/78/181 Chi if you are picturing, and I've never been in love, nor even know how it's like to love, or loved, or be in love. I'm proud of my own sexuality and wouldn't even call myself discreet. I used to have a lot of friends from my college, but graduation happens and people no longer stay in touch. Then I thought to myself, to really put myself out and look for friends, start slow and maybe eventually I'll find buddies that I can hangout with for coffee during the weekend and to do things that I like together. Fingers crossed, maybe even a boyfriend. Jack'd, Grindr, Blued, Growlr, Tinder, Hornet, Planet Romeo, etc, all channels. I will always tweak my profile to attract views and chats, and also increase the possibility of getting reply when I approach someone. I wasn't looking for sex, 'friends, networking, ltr' was my reply when asked what am I seeking. I'm always envious towards those people at my age, in a nice relationship or at least once loved, or have some gay friends that they can hang out with, or even a regular person that has a friend that they can do things together. I'm tired and wish that I never had to eat alone everyday, travel alone, and spend my weekend alone. In one year alone, I've chatted with more than 100 people, no kidding. Met about 30+ people. But all with a single outcome, they're all strangers now. They either stop replying altogether, or met once and never talk to each other again, as much as we are 'clicking' before meeting up. Or a large fraction would eventually lead the conversation to sex and asking to send pics of my body part. I am dead alone, bored and hope to have a friend that I could comfortable talk without eventually talking about sex and my body. There are some good ones at least, but the conversation didn't live longer than 2 weeks as much as I show my interest to know about each other and shared about my life and show concern, sincerity and all. Or some that would meet me and we probably had the best quality chat ever, but never make it to the second date. Eventually, seeing how awful the gay world is, and how terrible the gay community, I told myself that there is no such thing as friendship and there's no more love left in this circle. I managed to convinced myself that I no longer believe in love, as much as others said 'you haven't met the one yet', which I think is a total lie, because I've met more than 100 and I can't even get a friend, not even one. Seeing these, I mostly seek for fun and casual sex these days, but it was never or hardly about satisfying my sexual desire, because I'm not that much of a sexual person. Having sex with people, is almost like a way that I have some human interaction; to hug or know how it's like to be hugged; to be touched and actually wanted or desired; to have or understand something that is close enough to love; and it's what everyone in the gay circle wants anyway--sex. I still have no friends to find on weekend, but at least I'm able to find men that are willing to have fun with me. I enjoy the warm hug and being held tight, feels like I'm being cared and taken off, that I'm not alone for a while. The funny part is that I thought by changing my perspective and stop believing in friends and ltr in this circle, I will be happy and stop all the wishy-washy of stupid dreams of finding friends in the gay world. No more hoping for a boyfriend because love doesn't exist, no more trying to find or make a friend because it's not going to happen in the gay community, it was the right mindset that I needed before I get hurt every time I have to say--off he goes. Except it didn't. As proud I am to have so many guys cruising me, and guys messaging me when I'm available for hookup, I didn't find any happiness in it, almost wishing that I'm dead already, but I guess it beats loneliness. And right now, it got me asking fellow BWs out here, how do you keep on going? Because sometimes I find living in this cruel gay world as a lonely gay dude, it's a living hell.

So this is the story, I had bff during my highschool basically he is my childhood best friend. We had been friend for 10 years or more, and we know each other very well. He is the first one I came out with and also he is a gay. he was out of the closet during highschool, every people somehow know he is gay. My sisters and cousins included because the fact that we were on the same highschool, so my parents were well informed about this as well. My parents asked me and of course I denied, I told them that was nonsense. After that, we were no longer like we used to be, no more hang out, no more chit chat....the worst part is that I have to stay away from him(damn discreet)... It was sad, he knew what kinda family I lived in, he used to come to my house everyweek, but now never... After we graduated from highschool, we went to different university in different country, we lost contact with each other but I managed to get his skype. And now we are still friend, because we live in different country so we just chit chat when we have time. Now we are adult, and I cherish this friendship even more.... I feel bad to my friend even till now, I have no courage to come out.... Hopefully someday I have the courage to come out and we can be bff again... back like we used to be... TT miss my friend Dino~ Not very good in english so bear with it haha~