How relationships end

[Startup]

There are many ways a relationship ends. 
 

The ideal way is to have a honest discussion which leads to mutual agreement to end it amicably without any drama.

 

i am grateful that my first relationship ended amicably. After about 2 years together we had a discussion on our future but we realized we didn’t share the same vision. That’s why we decided to end the relationship. We said goodbye to each other. 
 

But it didn’t just end there. We still missed each other and having sex. So we met a few more times to have sex. Until we felt it wasn’t right and stopped meeting completely.

It was my only ltr ever. Looking back, I was glad to have met him. Do I miss the times together? Not much. It’s really completely over.

 

[BudakFit]

Closure is important.

Just end it nicely and move on. No need to do anything...you worth or deserved better. Don't be kuniang be so emo etc like a girl or women. We are guys with cocks. Doesnt matter your roles...it got nothing to do with it at all...

 

For friendship both parties need to put aside their ego grudge etc...aside. if they feel this friendship worth saving or fighting for then....

[Startup]

I once dated a guy. We dated for 6 weeks and suddenly he ghosted me, refusing to answer my calls or reply my messages. I had no idea why he would do that.

 

5 months later, he texted me to say that he would honour his word to go on a trip with me. We had booked a trip to Taipei together when we were dating.

 

By then, I had given up on him. I was prepared to go on the trip myself. 
 

Anyway we took the same flight together but we were no longer on talking terms. I was still annoyed with him for his silent treatment.

 

When we reached Taipei, we finally broke our silence. I only remember 2 things he said. One was that he went to Pink Dot alone and broke down. Next was he hooked up with a guy who was already attached either in a public toilet (or sauna - can’t remember details).

 

That sort of brought a closure to our relationship. It all started when he responded to an ad I had placed on planet Romeo. When he first met me, he asked to be my bf. That started our dating. 
 

On our first date, he told me something peculiar. He said he wanted to put behind his wild ways and 清心寡慾。That’s interesting. What made him say that? Maybe it’s my ultra decent monkish look. 
 

One day when we were having dinner at a prata place, he pointed to a guy and told me that guy was a top but his bottom. His message was he was the top of tops. 
 

Strangely we never had sex when we were dating. Each time he would take me to a secluded place in his van. He would invite me to join him at the back of the van where he would strip naked and jerk off. We would cuddle but I don’t remember having kissed each other or suck him. The only thing I remember was watching him jerk off and cum. 
 

I finally understood his frustration. A top of tops who conquered other tops at saunas could not make me submit to him. Which was why he ghosted me and hooked up with someone else instead.

 

It wasn’t that I found him physically unattractive. He was more than 185 cm tall, with the lean model bod. A Chao ah Beng look that fit his poor education. I was just thinking no need to rush into sex since we were going to be in an ltr.

 

Anyway I am glad we never became an item since we were totally incompatible. It was a case of 长痛不如短痛。

 

But there was still one thing that i haven’t figured out. What stopped him from saying directly, Can I fuck you? I would have said yes. 

 

 

 

 

Edited July 2, 2022 by Startup

[hairyboycunt]

I think we have to break away from gendered norms when it comes processing and getting over a failed relationship. It's odd that despite being a part  of the LGBTQ community, we are still very much fixed on a heteronormative mindset - the notion that only women are allowed to be emotional is frankly archaic and quite harmful. Let's not associate emotional vulnerabilty with weakness. It encourages men to bottle up their feelings and we all know that is never a good thing for one's mental health. Sure, some people are innately stoic, don't display much emotion outwardly, and may get through the breakup 'quitetly' but not everyone is and nor do they have to be - it's not healthy. We should know better than to correlate genitalia with personality traits.

 

Of course, I'm not talking about toxic behaviours like attacking/ bad mouthing one's ex online or in social circles, being vengeful, causing a scene at one's place of work/ residence etc... these are clearly in poor taste and perhaps even unhinged.

[Startup]

It’s not nice to be in a neither-here-nor-there position but that’s where I found myself in 2020. That year was the lockdown year of covid. That year was also the year when I finally lived on my own. 
 

Some things are hard to shake off. One of them is called loneliness. Which became my only friend and companion in 2020. So after 8 glorious years of celibacy I decided to start looking for a buddy.

 

Buddy is always a crude word. And people who are buddies tend to behave crudely to one another.

 

I no longer had any interest in ltr. Yet I still crave for some kind of intimacy. This is the awful neither-here-nor-there place to be in.

 

I thought it was going to be hard to find a buddy but one fateful day a 29-year-old approached me on Grindr. Turned out he was married. What the heck since I only wanted a buddy. Turned out he was my type. So we became buddies. But barely a week into it, he said he wanted to stop meeting. I was taken by surprise cos we had met 2 days in a week. I thought for someone who wanted to meet me twice in a week, it must mean he liked me a lot. I was sad for the whole day. 
 

But the next day I told myself to move on so I started searching for the next buddy. Lo and behold, I managed to get in touch with a 32 year old guy. Turned out he’s also married. He was available to meet on the same day. This is what I like about young chaps. They really take action fast. 
 

Again he was so my type and we agreed to be buddies. 
 

I thought life was good until the first buddy told me he wanted to meet again. Now I had to choose between 2 buddies. In fact, I met him two more times but I found that the feelings for him were gone. So I reminded him that he had wanted to stop meeting at first. He got upset and said he would never reply my messages again. That’s how this relationship ended.

Actually it was my way of making the decision of choosing the other buddy cos I had developed feelings for him. Unfortunately, the frequency of our meetings turned from once a week to once a fortnight to once a month. This was no issue to me but he told me he would encounter bad luck each time we met. So I asked him whether we should stop meeting. I asked twice but a yes or no was hard to come out of his mouth.

 

The last straw came on the fourth meeting when he told me he didn’t want to come but turned up anyway since I had asked him. That’s when i realized if I had never invited him he would never have turned up anyway. And since he couldn’t bring himself to end the relationship, I had to be the bad guy to do it. And so it ended. 
 

Both buddy relationships lasted barely 2 months, each 4 meetings. But I was so mind fucked by these 2 young married guys that I had to take a break from seeking buddies. 
 

Now I avoid the word buddy cos it brings out the worse in decent people. 

[Guest guest]

Cannot satisfy your partner sexually then relationship sure end Liao.

 

Must upgrade.  Learn how to suck. Then slurp. Swallow. Rim...eat shit...drink pee...fucking, fisting all must top grade

 

 

 

 

[Guest Guest]

Breakout by hosting a party to announce to the public single and alvailable.

[Startup]

So I deleted Grindr and turned to BW. Fast forward to 2 years later.

 

Maybe I can’t deal with guys in their early 30s, but surely someone in their late 30s and early 40s might have the best of both worlds in terms of being mature and physically fit at the same time.

 

I thought I hit the jackpot when I got to know a 41 year old married guy. He was looking for a fwb. So was I. I was over buddy thing. Or so I thought.

He sounded confident, saying he was the last person anyone would think he is gay or bi. He sounded sure, saying he was new to the scene but keen to have a fwb. Cos he was curious, he was open to try anything. Isn’t that nice? That openness, that certainty and that cockiness.

 

So we met for the first time a few weeks ago. He appeared smitten with me. He would hug me and kiss me non stop. I didn’t reject his advances cos he was my type too. Basically my type is manly, decent and pleasant looking. But that’s broad and vague cos everyone says they are manly, decent and pleasant looking. Only I would know what those words mean to me when I see one.

 

What took me really by surprise was when he just put my whole shaft into his mouth without me asking. In fact I prefer not to be sucked. But he said mine is the type of dick that turned him on the most with its mushroom head. 
 

It was such a pleasant session for both of us that when we checked the time, we realized we had each other’s company for more than 2 hours and it’s time for him to meet his wife for dinner. 
 

I was sure that he would soon message me for the next meeting that I forgot to ask him. We only sent each other affirmations that it was a pleasant session.

 

Then he ghosted me and that’s how this fwbship ended on the same day it started.

 

Why can’t he just say he didn’t want to meet anymore? 
 

Anyway my hypothesis of age and maturity is debunked, at my own expense.

[Startup]

There was this song 漂洋过海来看你 that was very popular in 2000s. It became my theme song more than 10 years ago. I am a sinophile all along, very into the language and culture. In fact I am a qigong and taichi person. I am also a TCM person. Not a believer of western medicine. 
 

For some strange reason, my interest in all things Chinese spilled into men in China as well. And I found a 朋友 in 朋友别哭sIte.

 

No prize for guessing that it’s a married guy. He was a few years younger in his mid 30s.

 

My theme song could have been 大约在冬季as well cos each time we met, it was winter in Beijing. 
 

In his own words, when he first laid his eyes on me, I was his type. So he took me home as his wife had gone to her 娘家。 He said he wanted to hug me till I melt in his arms. We sweated buckets. I stayed overnight. The next morning we caught a movie.

 

He was the face of the booming Chinese economy and a modern China. Highly educated and had the airs of someone holding a high position. I was older by a few years but i felt like someone being taken care of. 
 

So began our annual rendezvous in Beijing winter. Each time I would check myself into a hotel recommended by him and he would somehow be able to keep me company every night for maybe a week. It was amazing considering that he had a wife and he was somehow able to pull it off. 
 

This repeated a few times. Never once did he let me sleep alone at night. This was absolutely amazing. It simply meant that he was someone who managed himself well. It’s plain that he was a successful man. He was always calm. Everything seemed in his control.
 

The last time we met, probably the third or fourth time, he said calmly, if one day i should stop meeting him, he would not miss me and life still goes on.

 

i was actually happy to hear that. It felt like a final goodbye and we didn’t owe each other anything.
 

My interest in Chinese men was thoroughly fulfilled through him. And I stopped going to Beijing ever since. 

 

Each time I left Beijing he would give me a little gift. The last gift was a wallet. It’s been more than 10 years. I am still using the wallet. Not because I missed him. It’s very durable and I am too lazy and stingy to buy a new wallet. 

[Startup]

There was this newspaper column (in Chinese) where a monk became auntie agony. In one of the columns, he wrote a story about a monk giving advice to a heart broken guy who had dated a girl for 5 years only to lose her to another guy who married her.

 

The monk said, in your past life, you met your ex who was badly injured in a bandit attack. You helped her by putting her in a safe place but you left her there to carry on with your journey. Her current husband was the one who came along and took her away to nurse her back to health. She married him in this lifetime to repay the debt.

 

This story made a lot of sense to me. But does it help to take away the hurt of losing someone you love? Not necessary. But it helps one to accept the loss and move on.

 

 

 

 

[Startup]

I rarely go for massages nowadays. If I do, it has to be one of those no hanky panky types.

 

More than 10 years ago, I visited one masseur after the reviews on BW. The reviews mentioned that he was a no-nonsense guy who wasn’t into fun with his clients. But one thing about him that attracted me. He was very stocky and manly. Now that’s my type. It would be nice to receive massages from a pair of strong arms.

 

I booked an appointment with him. True enough he was totally my type and I enjoyed the first session. There was indeed no hanky panky. I wasn’t expecting anything anyway.

 

But things quickly took a turn on my second visit. He actually told me that he liked me. Did I hear wrongly? Well I wasted no time in asking him to strip naked while massaging me.

 

One thing led to another and each session ended with us doing nude cuddling and me sucking his juicy dick. 
 

However after a few months things didn’t feel right. It felt neither here nor there. Was I a customer? Or was I something else? I did ask him if we could become boyfriends but he was noncommittal. 
 

In the end I just stopped going to him. Months later, he texted me, saying he lost his phone. He also said he missed me. But I had moved on. 

[Ironrod]

I wonder if this is an old ppl thing writing their life stories in some online platform worrying that one day they died nobody will remember them.

 

Ever since i see the owl, the trans it always makes me wonder. Is it because of loneliness or the fear of being forgotten?

[Startup]

Sometimes when you write about your past experiences, it gives you a more detached perspective on yourself and how you had behaved. 
 

in a forum like this, nobody knows me and so nobody is gonna remember me.

 

it’s said that our past flashes in front of our eyes just before we die. But we don’t have to wait till our last moments to let go of our past. 
 

Actually I would love to have others share as well. 

[Guest William]

On 7/21/2022 at 3:48 PM, Ironrod said:

I wonder if this is an old ppl thing writing their life stories in some online platform worrying that one day they died nobody will remember them.

 

Ever since i see the owl, the trans it always makes me wonder. Is it because of loneliness or the fear of being forgotten?

I like what you just said, an old ppl thing writing their life stories or Fantansies 

BW is a good platform to practice writing novel stories or drama 

There were times I was bored I just came up with some juicy story, after that the tread roll on by itself. 

We are afterall human, we have bored time, fantasy time , wu liao time OR want attention time 

Now that you know the truth, so read every post like a comedy , dont need to be serious, dont analyse dont even bother to understand because 90% of it DONT MAKE SENSE 

 

[passinthenight]

On 7/21/2022 at 6:01 PM, Startup said:

Sometimes when you write about your past experiences, it gives you a more detached perspective on yourself and how you had behaved. 
 

in a forum like this, nobody knows me and so nobody is gonna remember me.

 

it’s said that our past flashes in front of our eyes just before we die. But we don’t have to wait till our last moments to let go of our past. 
 

Actually I would love to have others share as well. 

 

I just want to say, thank you because I enjoyed reading your posts. You write well and you managed to keep my attention.

[mith]

On 7/2/2022 at 7:07 PM, hairyboycunt said:

the notion that only women are allowed to be emotional is frankly archaic and quite harmful. Let's not associate emotional vulnerabilty with weakness. It encourages men to bottle up their feelings and we all know that is never a good thing for one's mental health.

 

exactly! agreed utterly. 

 

sadly a lot of gay men are uncomfortable with free expression of emotion, even in private!

 

[mith]

On 7/21/2022 at 4:01 PM, Startup said:

Sometimes when you write about your past experiences, it gives you a more detached perspective on yourself and how you had behaved. 
 

in a forum like this, nobody knows me and so nobody is gonna remember me.

 

it’s said that our past flashes in front of our eyes just before we die. But we don’t have to wait till our last moments to let go of our past. 
 

Actually I would love to have others share as well. 

 

one thing i learn from all your inputs above, and truly must put into practice is how to PICK MYSELF UP and MOVE ON after a relationship ends... 

 

and what is it with married men? they seem to have a lot of emo hangups and do not know what they really wanted and needed deep down in their hearts! 

 

 

[Startup]

Someone here shared his experience with me. He was with his first bf for 6 months. But it all ended when his bf went back to China to his family.

 

Till date, he still misses everything about him, especially his scent.

 

But all it made me wonder is this, is it worth it to spend 6 months with someone who can never be with you, only to spend the rest of your life missing him?

[Guest Xiao Mei]

I ended mine yday , enough is enough 

I been telling him this and he just insisted his way , I have it enuff for 11 years, I called it quit 

When I say Mee Pok I mean MEE POK.  If he wants Mee Kia, he can eat MEE KIA all he wants, but not me 

That is