Gays Who Hates Being Gay

[wala_x02]

Kudos to Tyra Banks (You go girl!) for doing a special segment on gay men who hate themselves and attempts to help them by getting them learn to accept themselves.

In a nutshell, the reasons given by these gay men were:

1) The promiscuity of gay relationships, causing them to feel insecure.

2) All gays are loud and effiminate.

3) Stereotyping that all gays lead a "gay lifestyle" that revolves around clubbing, saunas, cruising in public places, preying on younger boys.

4) The desire to start their family. (with kids, just like other heteros)

5) Wanting to blend into the "mainstream" society.

driving them into wanting to convert themselves straight.

Of course I myself have been through a fair share of self loathing. Been there, done that.

Love the point where Tyra was telling one of the interviewees who attended ex-gay seminars:"you should attend, i'm gay and i love myself seminars instead!"

Here're the youtube links:

(Part 1)

(Part 2)

(Part 3)

(Part 4)

(Part 5)

Enjoy!

[Guest pacman]

Gay, Straight or Asexual -always luv yourself, it is your divine right. Then luv others and the world will be a better place

[oralb]

to have a simplified solution, just choose the following:

1. Stop being gay

or

2. Stop hating oneself

choose the one that's the easiest...

[Guest GAY]

Tyra has been living and working with gay men. Her entire careers is surrounded by gay people. She wouldn't earn her status if there is no gay man to make her look pretty and confident. Without gay man there is no such thing call beautiful model. Without gay man, this world has no style, no creativity, and no pretty things to admire. It is natural that she is pro gay. I can't stand those gay interviewees, who still live in denial, self reproach. He should go and blame parents for giving birth to him instead of blaming himself for being gay. I hate such people.

[eric6363]

Was this shown on Singapore TV?

When was this shown?

The fundamentalist Christians did not go up in arms meh?

[Guest LW]

I hate myself for being gay lately too... Mainly because I'm tired for what I am now. I also hate myself for being horny and like to check out other guys when i'm walking on the street sometime. Why i can't turn off my lust? I feel so cheap and like a prevent. I also feel so shame to disappoint my family and the pressure of fearing they find out what I am.

[GachiMuchi]

Learn to accept what you are first then tackle your other vices.

If u don't even love yourself, how can u love others.

Here is a video which was posted before.

冷暖人生- 我的兒子是同志 (Chinese Talk Show - My Son is Gay)

About the struggle of a guy who is gay.

http://www.meiliboy.com/html/09/n-52009.html

[happy.99]

hate gays means hate yourself loh. that sounds bad you know.

[Guest LW]

But, sometime I can't control myself from the lust. I'm shame of myself being a lost play boy who like to play and had cheated many people who loved me. I wish I can be burned to ash in once, not burning non-stop. I'm tired and really really hate who I am now. Sometime, I wondered why I was born in the first place...

[oralb]

LW, rather than spending the time to hate yourself, why dont spend the effort to change for the better?

Take what you had written, print it out on piece of paper, or send to your phone sms. Whenever you are going to do those things you hated yourself, read it...

[Guest -snowball-]

-LW-, you are what you are, not cos you are gay, cos you are weak, you feel shame & prevent to being Gay, just you want to find excuse to cover your mistake, why can't you admit that just cos the evil seed within & you allow it to grow? everyone do have their dark side, it only depends how you control or best " kill " them. you trying to say that straight people won't flirt & nasty, they won't " cheat "? you may not agree with me, cos most people just like to hear what they want & sweet lies, you only will know better if you open your heart.

[GachiMuchi]

But, sometime I can't control myself from the lust. I'm shame of myself being a lost play boy who like to play and had cheated many people who loved me. I wish I can be burned to ash in once, not burning non-stop. I'm tired and really really hate who I am now. Sometime, I wondered why I was born in the first place...

Sex can be very addictive. Like smoking, you can see that many can't really quit smoking. The point here is not abstention but cut down. Anyway, most likely you are young. Urges are normal.

As for "cheated many people who loved me" I can only say; Don't tell people you love them if you don't.

If you only want sex with them without love, tell them up front so that there are no misunderstandings. People won't get hurt when they know what they getting themselves into.

So you hate yourself not because u are gay, I think you are feeling guilty that you hurt many people's feeling. Most important is to be honest with your feelings and let them know how you feel. Sometimes, you need to let them know that you are not looking for love. Then no one will be hurt.

[snowball]

-LW-, most people will understand how you feel, in Gay circle, the path is really tough esp when you getting older & older, the fear within will bother you day & night, if you have the thinking " I wondered why I was born in the first place... ", to be honest, i happy for you, but you need to find the solution to make your mind, soul peace, understood the real life & you will find the truth, God will bless you if you brave to face it

[Guest LW]

I know how life is be it in the gay circle or straight cricle. I also know that where there is light, there also is darkness. It's like a guy standing in front of a light, his shadow is always following.

But, things are usually easy to be said, and hard to put on practice. OB korkor, GM and all the friends here, not that I never try to put up myself. But, keep on falling and falling has made me so scarred and tired. When I look back now, I wish I can still be back to the pure litlle guy I was 4 years ago. But, I know I can't. Life is like a sheet of plain white paper, color by the colors around you to shape into a wonderful or terrible picture. My picture is ruined. I know i can't be back to what I was. I learn to accept what i am now. But, I still hope others are beautiful. That is why when I know I hurt someone knowing it or not knowingly, I will hate myself.

I'm standing on an empty heart,

looking up under the dark sky.

It's raining in the dark now,

both the sky and my eyes.

The dark rain is filling...

my emptyness with pitch black.

I'm drowning... falling now,

sallowed by the darkness around me.

I know one have to have a strong heart to move on. But, my heart is weak. So, i think I will just stuck in the mud for a longer bit now.

Lastly, thanks for caring me, my friends (who know or not know who I am). But, for the time being. No one or even me can help myself now. I'm weak. So, I choose to hide myself from the fact and living in the lonely darkness of my heart.

[Guest -snowball-]

-LW- , even you are weak, that does not give you the reason to give up any hope & faith, your heart is not empty, no matter how many time you fall & bleed, believe yourself, ask what actually you seek for life & want to achieve etc, one day you will find the answer, keep continue to search for peace mind, you just waiting right person to enlighten you & till the day your soul will be free, don't hatred, it will burnt your good & make you lost direction, each have their own path & their destiny, all people do make mistakes & most even think they never do any harm to others & think their are so noble & holy in life, get right company & he / she will bring light to you, we don't know what happen about tmr & tmr will come not, treasure every now, remember that, is nice to be human, appreaciate & make full use of it wisely, don't give away your faith & love, all the best

[Guest Gay Betta]

Let me share my true encounter of a gay man turning straight.

I have known of a man who had sex with me once. I believe he still likes me...probably the sexual kind of love and we could be potential soul mate if he remains gay.

Recently, I saw him at the mall. He has his baby on his arm whom he showered his love, and his wife holding his hand whom he gave her physical desires. But from the static stares thru his eyes, I know...I have captured his soul more than anyone near him. He has chosen responsibility as a man and forgo happiness as a gay. Asking a gay to turn straight is like asking a straight man turn gay. Both decision can never be easier.

However, there is a litmus test for gay turning straight. If someday, your wife run away with another man, will you feel lost or happy? Women have good instinct whether you are up to her man's standard and can tell from bed and so it is likely she may choose a real man over you.

Many would feel happy so that it gives them the excuses to back their seed and make their journey "home" again. Personally, nothing can be as sweet as taking back your identity and nurture it to what it was meant to be without regret. If there is any regret of who you are, try to take it in your stride, live with it and enjoy the journey to end of day. Millions of gay people are along the same track as you.

Who can tell that someday all of us mayl meet again in another planet and god will give us what we have missed in this lifetime. Gosh!! since when am I so philosophical. The bottom line is, be fair to the woman whom you are going to marry out there and most importantly be fair to yourselves.

[castaway]

I don't think your Gay Betta's man turned into straight ... it is just he can not accept his "real" natural instinct ... he found there are more future, more advantages in the other side so he decided to marry and had children where he does not belong to ... :swear:

Then once day, when everything suddently reaches to its limitation (him or his wife, ...) then everything he tried to live for will be broken, disappeared and none of them will be happy, he is definitely not but he also made his wife become un-happy woman ... it is called selfish (sorry, it is just my opinion) ... :whistle:

Or even if there is nothing happen, I am sure that he will never never feel happy completely, even his wife ... there is always somethings in between, ... his natural basic instinct will pull him back some times .... anyway, those people may not know how is truly happy ... they often live for other thing ... just because Happiness is the state of mind ... :thumb:

I have a friend, my first gay friend, he is married man. After he had 2 children, he recognized that he is gay, he likes men more than women, ... it is what he told me but I don't believe much, I guess just because when he was young, his culture and family were conservative which made him can not think of being gay ... then one day he met a guy which he really love ... then he decided to tell the truth to his wife, of course they were separated after but both of them decided to stay together (no sex) in order to bring up their children ... but then his bf did not agree to share ... finally, my friend still choose his family even he told me that it is very very difficult decision ... ... so don't believe bi-men or married men, they always come back to their family ... even how much they said they love you ... :yuk:

What I mean here is that there is difference between gay couple and straight couple, is the responsibility and connection.

Straight couple has children, if there is something happenning/affecting their relationship, they will consider the children, their children's future ... they can forgive each other and try to restart, they will think for each other more than for themselve ... but gay couple, if there is something happening, I am not sure but I guess almost all of them will decide to separate ... it is easier decision for them because at the end, they have no "real" connection ... straight couple starts a relationship from attraction of personality, appearance, love ... but almost all gay couple starts from sexual attraction ... love can cum after :yuk:

There is no right or wrong here, it is just the fact we need to face and deal with it ...

Some people say, Sex is addictive and like smoking ... I don't agree so ... sex is natural basic instinct, smoking is just habit and for habit, you can change it ... by time ... :yuk:

I also disagree with LW, being gays does not mean that you want to fxxk all cutes guys on the street ... there is nothing related to gay characteristics here ... it is personality ... don't you think straight guys don't want to fxxk all beautiful sexy girls who they see on the street ? Of course they do, if not, they are ... gay :yuk:

So don't hate being gay because of the fact that it makes you horny all the time ... it is just an excuse

================

Sometimes, the greatest journey is the distance between two people

[oralb]

LW didi...

no one says doing will be easy, there will alway be times when you are choosing between doing the easy thing or doing the right thing. ask yourself what's the easy things and what's the right things to do?

I dont know whether have you heard of this story,

One day a farmer´s donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally he decided the animal was old and the well needed to be covered up anyway, it just wasn´t worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone´s amazement, he quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well and was astonished at what he saw. With every shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up. As the farmer´s neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up.

Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and trotted off.

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well, is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a stepping stone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up!

LW didi, Knowing where your fault is a step towards recovery, shake off the dirt in your life, step up out the well in your heart.

[Guest Life Searcher]

Daer OralB,

Very inspire by your story.. I just hope our friend here LW will be able to sort out his feelings.

LW, I am also in the same shoe in many situations.. don;t know what to do.. feeling lost in direction...but we have to wake up in the morning to face the same problem again. I guess, we can't try to avoid or force ourselves. The more we surpress, the more we gets deeper...

Best of luck....

[Guest LW]

Dear Life Searcher,

Thanks you for your supporting. I have also read your posting about your hurtful love. But, I'm not a good guy as you. I also bet that anyone here who know my stories, they will have no problem saying that I deserved what I am now or even call me lost whore.

You're a good guy, life searcher. Just like some of the others here. You have my blessing. But, I still want to give you a little advice. Be careful and try to take care of yourself in your current relationship.

================================================================

Dear Snowball,

I'm only a lousy gay who play others' feeling towards me, and that is what I hate myself for. I know I should stop being so sluttish, but I just can't control and keep on hurting those who really care for me. But, a recently happening have me found out a way to hold my lust for a longer while.

No one can set others' soul free except s/he her/himself. I was used to be a freely guy like the wind. But, that is also the thing that made me fallen. I still remember that a friend of mine told me that there is no truly free in this world as everything you do will bind to other people lives. I chose to ignore it that time, and now I have to regret back on what I have done, one by one.

================================================================

Dear Castaway,

I understand how your married friend feel. But, you must also know that married guys have more responsibles and liabilities than us. I still remember my first married ex-bf's wife was the one that came to me to ask me to let go of him for their children's future and their face. I chose to break with him for their sake. It's not the bi or married guys can't be trust. But, we must understand the limit of the love they can give us first and don't demand for more than the limit.

I also agree with you that most gay relationship are easy to break because mostly because it start from sex. New partner are always good when it's fresh. But, after a while, you will get bored and tired of the old chai and start look for a new chai. As gay don't have any legal support for their relationship, it's much easier for them to break off.

But, that doesn't mean that there is no great love in gay.

I have a friend who is married and he and his bf have be together for 10+ years. His bf doesn't demand more from him and is loyal to him (I try to seduce his bf before, but failed and kena scolded too...). I also think his wife know about their relationship, but keep an eye close too.

I also know an oversea gay couple friends have be together for 20+ years. Their secrect? Trust, mutual respect and understanding to each another.

=================================================================

Dear OB korkor,

I heard that story before. But, it has not use to me now. There is a saying that cockroach hardly die no matter how you hit it. I used to think positive like that too when I was down too. But, not this time. Because no matter how tough a cockroach is, it will still die if you hit it hard enough. I no longer want to love. I will keep myself lost in studies or works because that is the only way to stop me for thinking about it. But, as a jobless student now. I can only drown in my guilts now whenever I'm free, and slowly I have become a guy who always wearing a fake mask in life, even to my own self. Maybe it's not bad at all for living with a mask as most people are too. But, I don't think I will be able to take it off anytime like others, maybe never will...

=================================================================

Lastly, sorry for troubling all of you in this topic.

The wind who has lost its pure is nothing but a fallen... just let it be.

[GachiMuchi]

Good that you focus on ur study. Study more. Get a good cert.

Don't worry about being "sluttish". Just be a happy one. :whistle:

Don't hurt others and most importantly, don't hurt yourself.

[castaway]

Hi LW,

I think your replies showing that you have very positive thinking, I am sure you will figure out what you really "need" and "look for" .. because no1 here can really know and understand you better than yourself.

We only can give advice and share our experience and opinions ... and that's the main purpose of Forum :whistle: No judgement ...

Do you think we are not deserved to "have" our partner completely ? Both gay guys or wife deserve it. If both parties have the same thoughts, then there is no limitation here ... it is because the bi or married men, they want to have both, they want to have too much ... Remember "Too much is NEVER enough" ...

When they need to decide, some will choose family, some will choose being gay ... and of course in any decision, some1 will get hurted ... so if you don't want to get hurted, then keep away from it to protect yourself ...

In my opinion, if the wife knew, then divorce is always best solution ... how a woman can sleep with a man when she already knew this men had sex with another man, not another woman ... nowsaday, 21st century, divorce is not something very very big issue ...

Yes, for a gay couple, it is always good when it is fresh, you are right ... don't you think the straight couple also have the same thought ? Yes, they do, they really do .... because if not, why are there still so many prostitues out there ? Why are there still many straight men have maid, lovers, etc ... ? Let's ask all straight married men if they ever have sex outside after married. Straight men paid for sex while gay men with open relationship have sex date :whistle:

You can close one eye, the wife can close one eye because everybody here is closing their eye for something ... but it does not mean that everyone have to follow, it is not correct, at least in my mind ... it is because everybody came from different personality, different culture, different background ... then they will behave differently ...

Not many couples, straight or gay, can have committed relationship ... it depends on each parties very very much. Both have to try very very hard to keep it that way, even more for gay men ... I knew a couple, they had a committed relationship for over 18 years but everything changed suddently when a guy had something happened on his physical body

(like backache) and he HAD to take some drugs ... from their, his personality changed and other guy can't take it anymore ... this is no one's fault here ...

So what's it about ? It is also about luckiness ...

Remember, you only can break up when you are young and still sexy, once you get into certain age ... then it is not easy to find a partner anymore ... :swear:

Life is very fair ... there is nothing free in this world, everything comes with a price ... whether you have to pay it before or after ...

Good luck guys :thumb:

Cheers.

================

Sometimes, the greatest journey is the distance between two people

[oralb]

LW didi:

do this simple exercise.

take out a stack of paper

on each fresh piece, write down a worry or a difficulties you are facing. every different worry, write on a new piece of paper

after finishing, take a break, have some tea, watch TV etc 15 to 20 minutes is okay, take longer if you prefer.

come back to your stack of papers, take out a different colored pen, on each piece of paper (worries) writing down what you think can solve or make it less serious.

if stuck on a piece of paper (worry) skip to the next, it can be random thoughts, it can rants, it can be anything, just write it down

take another break, this time try to clear your mind

Come back to that stack of paper, read through them...

---------------------------------------------

This simple exercise is to visualize the issues you think you are facing (similiar to talking it out to vocalize).

Sometimes you may find simple solutions to solve the once thought difficult issues, sometimes issues that once thought to be serious may not be so.

give this a try

[LupCheong]

Dear LW, don't give up. :thumb:

The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.

Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Edited February 27, 2009 by LupCheong

[newguy2l]

Gm says - dont tell people u love them if u dont

when i was young and a hot catch - I told all my lovers - dont fall in love with me

i never told any one i loved them

now i cannot say the words "i love u" to anyone

even to people i love

how?

[Guest Life Searcher]

Dear Life Searcher,

Thanks you for your supporting. I have also read your posting about your hurtful love. But, I'm not a good guy as you. I also bet that anyone here who know my stories, they will have no problem saying that I deserved what I am now or even call me lost whore.

You're a good guy, life searcher. Just like some of the others here. You have my blessing. But, I still want to give you a little advice. Be careful and try to take care of yourself in your current relationship.

Dear LW,

I am not as goof as you thought.. I am just a 3rd.. maybe not a 4th party here in this relationship. I feel guilty many times for doing this... But still I can't help but to continue to seduce my dream man.. Well, there are many chances I could have if I want to betray or sleep around but I just don't have heart to do it...

I think you are much stronger than me....

Also, you have more future than me.. you are young...

[Guest LW]

Dear Castaway,

"I think your replies showing that you have very positive thinking, I am sure you will figure out what you really "need" and "look for" .. because no1 here can really know and understand you better than yourself. "

My positive thinking is a skill I learn to fake myself when i socialize with people now.

I also have once though and believed I have found what I needed and looked for. But, I only realized that it's also a fake recently. It's like I have being living the past few years for nothing but my own sweet lies to myself. I have also lost myself due to it and I suddenly feel that I don't understand a bit of myself anymore.

I agreed with you that life is very fair in this world, and I'm paying the debts of my life now.

===============================================================================

Dear OB korkor,

I think your method is a good problem solving way for only at work or when cracking head on project. Not very useful when using it to deal with emotional...

Currently, beer and wine are my best friends when my emotion break down again. But, thanks for your help anyway.

===============================================================================

Dear Newguy21,

If you really love the guy, just tell him. Love is not one day magic. You have to know a person long enough to know that you really love him and don't believe in people when they said they love you just after you have a few time of sex with him. Sometime, you may not even know that you truely love him untill he left you. We all like to take things for granted. But, life is never for granted. I have learnt it the hard way. So, i hope you will not. Treasure your chance when it come as what is past will be past forever.

===============================================================================

Dear life searcher,

You at least know what you want and living fully for it now. Not like me, LOST. Even you're a 3rd or a 4th party in your current relationship, so what? You're a human for god sake, you have your every right to be selfish for yourself just like everyone else around you. I think this song is best suit you now.

When I said you're a good guy, I know I will not judge wrong. You think I can be like you when it come to relationship? I can't. I flirt around even when I have people who love me dearly until their heart are broken to dust by me, not pieces. Only now I know that I don't deserved to be loved and I owned these people too much. Not matter how hard I try to make up for it, I can't undo what I have done.

I'm not as strong as you think. I can't even get up again from my fallen now. I have no one to blame on it, but myself.

Yes, I'm young. That is why I was naive and didn't treasure those who loved me. Sometime, I wish I am just old and ugly so that less people will approach me just because I'm young and good looking.

[oralb]

LW didi:

We can only help that much, the rest you have to pick up yourself.

I wondered you have watched the movie "The Curious Case of Benjamin Buttons"? If not, do go and watch...

here's a quote from the movie

Benjamin Button: [Voice over; letter to his daughter]

For what it's worth: it's never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be.

There's no time limit, stop whenever you want.

You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing.

We can make the best or the worst of it.

I hope you make the best of it.

And I hope you see things that startle you.

I hope you feel things you never felt before.

I hope you meet people with a different point of view.

I hope you live a life you're proud of.

If you find that you're not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again.

[Guest Life Searcher]

Dear LW,

Everyone has been young before.. we have all been wildful, curious and naughty... of course flirt... Even now sometimes even I flirt with admirers.. but do not need to necessary to have sex with them.. I guess many of us here mainly wants to prove we still have the "market" & "demand". Even now I do can easily have some nice matures or mids if I am really desperate.. but when you are older, you need something more than just sex.. you need to have some thoughts exchange or common interest... after all life is not just SEX... (although that is important)..

Well LW, I am sure you can pull thru it... I am always blaming myelf too....

Good luck and hope you recover fast...

[castaway]

Hi LW,

I agree with you about this :

"Don't believe in people when they said they love you just after you have a few time of sex with him". It takes time, many year to know that if you truly love him ... :whistle:

I think I have same thoughts as you, .... yes, many people here feel same, LOST sometimes, but life still goes on and we need to face it ... Life is not only about relationships , BUT happiness is only real when shared ... so do WE need relationships to be happy ?

You said "Sometime, I wish I am just old and ugly so that less people will approach me just because I'm young and good looking." ... I think you should be happy of who you are now ... because if you are not young, not good looking, ... may be you will think different ... and if I have a wish, I wish I am not a gay ... so I will have a real "future" ... but in fact, I am not ... so I need to face and deal with it then live to be the best of how I can be ... but it is not so easy ...

================

Sometimes, the greatest journey is the distance between two people

Edited March 1, 2009 by castaway