worldangel Posted April 27 Report Share Posted April 27 Joke: Writing letters to son The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. One student fell into a cycle of classes, studying, working and sleeping. Didn't realize how long he had neglected writing home until he received the following note: "Dear Son, Your mother and I enjoyed your last letter. Of course, we were much younger then, and more impressionable. Love, Dad." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 28 Report Share Posted April 28 Joke: Honey, has anyone ever told you.... After the party, as the couple was driving home, the woman asks her husband, "Honey, has anyone ever told you how handsome, sexy and irresistible to women you are?" The flattered husband said, "No, dear they haven't." The wife yells, "Then what the heck gave you THAT idea at the party tonight?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 28 Report Share Posted April 28 Joke: A lawyer is standing in a long... A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" "I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm waiting in line." "Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 28 Report Share Posted April 28 Joke: Bulk mail A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'" "But why?" asks the man. "I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 28 Report Share Posted April 28 Joke: Hearing Loss Patient: Doctor, I'm thinking that I may be losing my hearing. Doctor: Can you tell me what you know of the symptoms? Patient: Homer is bald and fat, Marge has blue hair... shyc 1 Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 29 Report Share Posted April 29 Joke: A man walked into a cafe... A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer. "Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent." One Cent?" the man exclaimed. He glanced at the menu and asked: "How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?" "A nickel," the barman replied. "A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?" The bartender replied: "Upstairs, with my wife." The man asked: "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?" The bartender replied: "The same thing I'm doing to his business down here." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 29 Report Share Posted April 29 Joke: We've all heard about people... We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below: "Guts" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "Are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?" "Balls," is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife square on the arse and having the balls to say, "You're next, fatty!" shyc 1 Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 29 Report Share Posted April 29 Joke: Eating Out This married couple was sitting in a fine restaurant when the wife looks over at a nearby table and sees a man in a drunken stupor. The husband asks "I notice you've been watching that man for some time now. Do you know him?" "Yes" she replies. "He's my ex-husband and has been drinking like that since I left him seven years ago." "That's remarkable" the husband replies. "I wouldn't think anybody could celebrate that long." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 29 Report Share Posted April 29 Joke: Checking out A woman rushes into the foyer of a large hotel and sprints up to reception, she hammers on the bell. Yes, says the receptionist irritably. Excuse me, says the woman, but I'm in a frightful hurry, could you check me out, please? The clerk stares at her, looks her up and down. Not bad, he smiles, not bad at all. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 30 Report Share Posted April 30 Joke: A stage.... During a performance for the high school talent show at the local theatre, a hole was cracked in the stage floor. Subsequent acts managed to avoid the damaged area until little Freddy, juggling bowling pins, accidentally stepped through the hole up to his knee. He apologized to the audience for his clumsiness. But a heckler in the back of the theatre shouted: "Don't worry, Freddy! It's just a stage you're going through!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 30 Report Share Posted April 30 Joke: Learning About Democracy I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on which movie to watch and pizza to order. I then picked the movie and pizza because I'm the one with the money. yhtang 1 Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 30 Report Share Posted April 30 Joke: Charge By The Inch Having had one too many, a bar drinker was beginning to display an ugly side. An unescorted female sat down beside him and he whispered to her, "Hey ! How about it babe? You and me ?" As she got up to move, he said loudly, "Honey, you sure look like you could use the money, but I don't have an extra two dollars." She looked back and replied just as loudly, "What makes you think I charge by the inch ?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 30 Report Share Posted April 30 Joke: Something That Made You Cry A literature teacher is explaining the power of poems and stories. "Have you ever read something that made you cry?" A student replied, "Yeah, my last report card." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 1 Report Share Posted May 1 Joke: Two married buddies are out drinking... Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!" His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife's butt and say, 'Lets do it!' And, she's always sound asleep. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 1 Report Share Posted May 1 Joke: Eating Out This married couple was sitting in a fine restaurant when the wife looks over at a nearby table and sees a man in a drunken stupor. The husband asks "I notice you've been watching that man for some time now. Do you know him?" "Yes" she replies. "He's my ex-husband and has been drinking like that since I left him seven years ago." "That's remarkable" the husband replies. "I wouldn't think anybody could celebrate that long." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 1 Report Share Posted May 1 Joke: Smashing The Cigarettes A carpet layer had just finished installing carpet for a lady. He stepped out for a smoke, only to realize he'd lost his cigarettes. In the middle of the room, under the carpet, was a bump. "No sense pulling up the entire floor for one pack of smokes," he said to himself. He proceeded to get out his hammer and flattened the hump. As he was cleaning up, the lady came in. "Here," she said, handing him his pack of cigarettes. "I found them in the hallway." "Now," she said, "if only I could find my gerbil." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 1 Report Share Posted May 1 Joke: You have to stay in shape... You have to stay in shape. My mother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 now and... we have no idea where she is. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 2 Report Share Posted May 2 Joke: A man standing at a bus stop ... A man standing at a bus stop was eating a hamburger. Next to him stood a lady with her little dog, which became very excited at the smell of the man's supper and began whining and jumping up at him. The man noticed this, in fact he was getting rather annoyed at the dog. "Do you mind if I throw him a bit?" said the man to the lady. "Not at all," she replied, whereupon the man picked the dog up and threw it over a wall. yhtang 1 Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 2 Report Share Posted May 2 Joke: A police officer was investigating ... A police officer was investigating an accident on a two-lane, narrow road in which the drivers had hit virtually head-on. One driver, an extremely elderly woman, kept repeating, "He wouldn't let me have my half of the road!" After gathering as much information as possible, he angrily approached the other driver, who was examining his own damage. The police officer asked, "That old lady says that you wouldn't let her have her half of the road. Why not? In exasperation, the man turns from his smashed car and says, "Officer, I would have been HAPPY to give her half of the road --- if she had just let me know WHICH half she wanted!!!!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 2 Report Share Posted May 2 Joke: Stop Drinking My doctor has advised me to stop drinking. It's going to be a massive change for me. I've been with that doctor for 15 years. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 2 Report Share Posted May 2 Joke: Pee in the pool.... Little Johnny was approached by the lifeguard at the public swimming pool. "You're not allowed to pee in the pool," said the lifeguard. "I'm going to report you." "But everyone pees in the pool," insisted Little Johnny. "That may be," said the lifeguard, "but not from the diving board!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 3 Report Share Posted May 3 Joke: Are You A Captain? Guy: Are you a Captain? Girl: No. Guy: Cause my privates are under your command! Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 3 Report Share Posted May 3 Joke: It Shrinks Things A guy visits his doctor and says he has a problem with sex. “Doc, I think my dick is just too damn small," he says. The doctor asks him which drink he prefers. "Well, American beer,” he replies quite baffled. “Aaaahhh. There’s your problem, it shrinks things, those silly American beers… you should try drinking Guinness. That makes things grow.” A couple of months later the man returns to see the doctor with a big smile on his face. He shakes the doctor by the hand and thanks him. “I take it you now drink Guinness?” asked the physician. “Oh no, Doc, but I have the wife drinking American beer!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 3 Report Share Posted May 3 oke: I Lie In Stinky Vapor Here I lie in stinky vapour, Because some bastard stole the toilet paper, Shall I lie, or shall I linger, Or shall I be forced to use my finger Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 3 Report Share Posted May 3 Joke: A Place to Stink and Think This is a place to think and a place to stink, A place to grunt and a place to punt, This is a place meant to keep neat… Not a place to beat your meat! Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 4 Report Share Posted May 4 Joke: Woman Who Fly Upside Down Woman who flies airplane upside down... Have crack up! Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 4 Report Share Posted May 4 Joke: The Range of A Tuba What's the range of a tuba? About twenty yards if you have a good arm. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 4 Report Share Posted May 4 Joke: How Did You Catch Him? A squirrel was tearing up this woman's garden, digging up her carrots and other plants. So she set up a trap, one with apples and the other with nuts. The next day the woman shows her neighbour what she caught. The neighbour asked "How did you catch him, by the apples?" The woman smiles and says, "Nope... by the nuts." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 4 Report Share Posted May 4 Joke: I Sent Him There for an Education “I sent my son to college to get an education,” complained Joseph to Allan, “but all he seems to do is shack up with girls, smoke pot, and have a good time.” “Most college students do that today,” replied Allan. “That’s the trouble,” snapped Joseph, “I should have kept him home and gone to college myself.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 5 Report Share Posted May 5 Joke: Too Much Technology My Grandpa said, “Your generation relies too much on technology!" I replied, “No, your generation relies too much on technology!” Then I unplugged his life support. yhtang 1 Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 5 Report Share Posted May 5 Joke: It's Women "Men will fxck anything!" "Sure, says the one who uses cucumbers, carrots, tv remotes, water bottles, corn, knives, 10 different sex toys, and a shower head to masturbate." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 5 Report Share Posted May 5 Joke: Like the Sun - Your boobs are like the sun... I can only stare at them for a short while, but if I wear sunglasses, I can stare all the time I want. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 5 Report Share Posted May 5 Joke: A Family of Lies A child gets home. His mom and dad are at table. His dad asks, “Why did you took so long, boy?” “I was at the library, studying for an exam.” The detector beeps. The father explains, “This is a lie detector, boy! You better tell the truth…” “Ok, ok, I was at a friend ́s house and we were watching a Christian film…” The detector beeps. “Fine! It was a porn!” The father looks at him disapprovingly, “I’m ashamed of you! At your I age I never lied to my father!” The detector beeps. His wife bursts into laughter. “Well, he certainly is your son!” The detector beeps. yhtang 1 Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 6 Report Share Posted May 6 Joke: Where's the Glitter? The King and Queen were looking for a husband for their daughter. The king invited 3 men to come to the palace, so he could see if any of them were worthy of the princess. The test was to see if they would sleep with his daughter. To check if they had, he put glitter on the princess's vagina. The next day, he checked each of the men's penises. The first guy had glitter on his and the second guy had glitter on his. The third guy didn't have any glitter on his penis and when the king told him he could marry his daughter, he smiled and there was glitter on his teeth. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 6 Report Share Posted May 6 Joke: Love vs True Love vs Showing Off What is the difference between love, true love. and showing off? Spitting, swallowing, and gargling. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 6 Report Share Posted May 6 Joke: Can I Get 3 Pills, Doc? A man goes to see the doctor to ask for three Viagra pills. The doctor says, "These are very powerful pills so I need to know why you need three?" "Well, Doc, my girlfriend is coming over Friday. My ex-wife on Saturday, and my new-wife is coming home on Sunday. I need these pills so I can satisfy them all." "Well," the doctor said, "okay, but one on one condition. That you come in on Monday so I can check your vitals to make sure you are ok." The man agrees. So, Monday arrives and the man goes to see the doctor, with both arms are in a sling. "Oh my! What happened?" the doctor asks. The man replies, "Nobody showed up, I was alone all weekend." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 6 Report Share Posted May 6 Joke: Police Hotlines & Glory Holes What do police hotlines and glory holes have in common? They both rely on anonymous tips. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shyc Posted May 7 Report Share Posted May 7 Lesson from the grandson A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole." The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. The boy then proceeds to put the worm back into the hole. The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray and runs into the house. Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the boy another five dollars. The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me five dollars." The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your Grandma." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 7 Report Share Posted May 7 JOKE: One word a year A man is madly in love with a princess and wants to propose, but an evil witch has cast a spell on him, and now he can say only one word a year. So, he waits 14 agonizing years – accumulating all his words – before approaching his beloved. Finally, the big day arrives. When he sees her, his heart skips a beat. He gathers his nerve, drops to his knees, and intones, "My darling, I have waited many years to say this – will you marry me?" The princess turns around, smiles, and says, "Pardon?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 7 Report Share Posted May 7 Joke: Ice Cream What flavours of ice cream do you have?" inquired the customer. "Vanilla, strawberry, and chocolate," answered the new waitress in a hoarse whisper. Trying to be sympathetic, the customer asked, "Do you have laryngitis?" "No...." replied the new waitress with some effort, "just...erm.... vanilla, strawberry, and chocolate." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 7 Report Share Posted May 7 Joke: Easy diagnosis.... A man walks into a doctor's office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear. "What's the matter with me?" he asks the doctor. The doctor replies, "You're not eating properly." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 7 Report Share Posted May 7 Joke: Writing letters to son The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. One student fell into a cycle of classes, studying, working and sleeping. Didn't realize how long he had neglected writing home until he received the following note: "Dear Son, Your mother and I enjoyed your last letter. Of course, we were much younger then, and more impressionable. Love, Dad." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 8 Report Share Posted May 8 Joke: Honey, has anyone ever told you.... After the party, as the couple was driving home, the woman asks her husband, "Honey, has anyone ever told you how handsome, sexy and irresistible to women you are?" The flattered husband said, "No, dear they haven't." The wife yells, "Then what the heck gave you THAT idea at the party tonight?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 8 Report Share Posted May 8 Joke: Bulk mail A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "Love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and asks him what he is doing. The man says "I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards signed, 'Guess who?'" "But why?" asks the man. "I'm a divorce lawyer," the man replies. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 8 Report Share Posted May 8 Joke: Hearing Loss Patient: Doctor, I'm thinking that I may be losing my hearing. Doctor: Can you tell me what you know of the symptoms? Patient: Homer is bald and fat, Marge has blue hair... Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 8 Report Share Posted May 8 Joke: A lawyer is standing in a long... A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" "I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm waiting in line." "Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 9 Report Share Posted May 9 Joke: A man walked into a cafe... A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer. "Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent." One Cent?" the man exclaimed. He glanced at the menu and asked: "How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?" "A nickel," the barman replied. "A nickel?" exclaimed the man. "Where's the guy who owns this place?" The bartender replied: "Upstairs, with my wife." The man asked: "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?" The bartender replied: "The same thing I'm doing to his business down here." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 9 Report Share Posted May 9 Joke: We've all heard about people... We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below: "Guts" is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to say, "Are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?" "Balls," is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife square on the arse and having the balls to say, "You're next, fatty!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 9 Report Share Posted May 9 Joke: Eating Out This married couple was sitting in a fine restaurant when the wife looks over at a nearby table and sees a man in a drunken stupor. The husband asks "I notice you've been watching that man for some time now. Do you know him?" "Yes" she replies. "He's my ex-husband and has been drinking like that since I left him seven years ago." "That's remarkable" the husband replies. "I wouldn't think anybody could celebrate that long." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted May 9 Report Share Posted May 9 Joke: Checking out A woman rushes into the foyer of a large hotel and sprints up to reception, she hammers on the bell. Yes, says the receptionist irritably. Excuse me, says the woman, but I'm in a frightful hurry, could you check me out, please? The clerk stares at her, looks her up and down. Not bad, he smiles, not bad at all. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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