worldangel Posted April 4 Report Share Posted April 4 Joke: The high price of romance! A husband had been away for a few months and had a romantic evening planned for he and his wife. He sent the two older kids to the movies but could not persuade the youngest boy to go along. Finally he makes a deal with the boy. If the boy will go sit on the curb in front of their house, the father will give the boy $5 bucks for every man he sees go by in a red hat. A while later the little boy comes running into the house and bangs on the bedroom door and shouts: "Dad, if you think your getting screwed in there, you'd better come outside, there's a Shriner's convention going past." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 4 Report Share Posted April 4 Joke: Banging My bloody rude neighbour came over banging on the door at 2.00am last night. .........Luckily I was still up playing my drums!! Steve5380 1 Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 4 Report Share Posted April 4 Joke: Yes, Theo "Yes, Theo, what is it?" asked the teacher. "I don’t want to alarm you, Miss Davis, but my dad said if I don't get better grades, someone was going to be in big trouble." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 4 Report Share Posted April 4 Joke: Senior Citizen A man visits his psychiatrist and talks about being haunted by visions of his departed relatives. He says; these ghosts are perched on the tops of fence posts around my garden every night. They sit there and watch me and watch me. What can I do? The psychiatrist says; that's easy … just sharpen the tops of the posts. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 5 Report Share Posted April 5 Joke: The epitaph A new widow requested the epitaph "Rest in Peace" for her husband's tombstone. When she later found he had left his fortune to his mistress, she attempted to get the engraver to change the carving. This was impossible; the words were chiselled and could not be changed. "In that case," she said, "please add, 'Till We Meet Again.'" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 5 Report Share Posted April 5 Joke: The Hot Shot A young businessman had just started his own firm. He rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques. Sitting there, he saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments. Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, ""Can I help you?"" The man said, ""Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 5 Report Share Posted April 5 Joke: Getting Old You know you're getting old when... When your son's hair is turning grey. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 5 Report Share Posted April 5 Joke: At the butcher's shop... A man goes into a butcher's shop and says, "Have you got a sheep's head?" The butcher replies, "No, it's just the way I part my hair." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 6 Report Share Posted April 6 Joke: A little to familiar! Judi and Gayle were walking down the street. Judi noticed a compact on the sidewalk and leaned down to pick it up. She opened it, looked in the mirror, and said, "Hmmm, this person looks familiar." Gayle said, "Let me look." So Judi handed her the compact. Gayle looked in the mirror then turned to Judi. "You dummy -- that's me!!! Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 6 Report Share Posted April 6 Joke: Grandma's Revenge When my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink. I was not so pleased. I turned to Mom and said, "I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?" Mom smiled and then replied....."I remember." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 6 Report Share Posted April 6 Joke: Good news and bad news A woman phones up her husband at work for a chat. HIM "I'm sorry dear but I'm up to my neck in work today." HER "But I've got some good news and some bad news for you dear." HIM "OK darling, but as I've got no time now, just give me the good news." HER "Well, the air bag works." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 6 Report Share Posted April 6 Joke: Old flame... A couple was dining out when the wife noticed a familiar face at the bar. She recognized him as an old flame. "Honey," she said to her husband, as she pointed out the man, "that guy at the bar has been drinking like that since I left him seven years ago." Her husband said, "That's silly, no one celebrates that much!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 7 Report Share Posted April 7 Joke: Mom, what's sex? A little boy returning home from his first day at school said to his mother, "Mom, what's sex?" His mother, who believed in all the most modern educational theories, gave him a detailed explanation, covering all aspects of the tricky subject. When she had finished, the little lad produced an enrollment form which he had brought home from school and said, "Yes, but how am I going to get all that into this one little square?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 7 Report Share Posted April 7 Joke: The will to live A man went to his lawyer and said "I would like to make a will but I don't know exactly how to go about it." The lawyer says "No problem, leave it all to me". The man looks somewhat upset ... "Well I knew you were going to take the biggest slice, but I'd like to leave a little to my children too! Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 7 Report Share Posted April 7 Joke: For two solid hours, the lady ... For two solid hours, the lady sitting next to a man on an airplane had told him about her grandchildren. She had even produced a plastic-foldout photo album of all nine of the children. She finally realized that she had dominated the entire conversation on her grandchildren. "Oh, I've done all the talking, and I'm so sorry. I know you certainly have something to say. Please, tell me... what do you think of my grandchildren?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 7 Report Share Posted April 7 Joke: Once there was a man with an extremely ... Once there was a man with an extremely large penis, but, unfortunately, he also had a terrible stuttering problem, so he could never get a girlfriend. So, he went to the doctor one day and said to him that he wanted something done about his stutter. The doctor replied that he would have to take off his penis to relieve him of the stutter. After a while the man agreed and had his penis removed. After the operation he was a smooth talker, but now he couldn't get laid because he had no penis. So, he returned to the doctor and tells him he would like to have his penis back, because he has a better chance of getting laid with a stutter than with no penis. The doctor replies, "S-s-sorry s-s-sir, b-b-but I c-c-can't d-d-do th-th-that." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 8 Report Share Posted April 8 Joke: The Difference Between Outlaws and In-laws Q: What's the difference between Outlaws and In-laws? A: Outlaws are wanted. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 8 Report Share Posted April 8 Joke: Where's your homework? Johnny, where's your homework?" Miss Martin said sternly to the little boy while holding out her hand. "My dog ate it," was his solemn response. "Johnny, I've been a teacher for eighteen years. Do you really expect me to believe that?" "It's true, Miss Martin, I swear," insisted Johnny. "I had to force him, but he ate it! Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 8 Report Share Posted April 8 Joke: Greeting Card Quest A little boy had been pawing over the stock of greeting cards at a stationery store. After a few minutes the clerk became curious and asked, "Just what is it you're looking for, sonny? Birthday greeting? Message to a sick friend? Anniversary congratulations to your mom and dad?" The boy shook his head, "No." "Then what kind of card is it that you want?" asked the clerk. The boy answered wistfully, "Got anything in the line of blank report cards?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 8 Report Share Posted April 8 Joke: Boiled Egg What did the egg say to the boiling water? I don’t think I can get hard, I just got laid this morning! Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 11 Report Share Posted April 11 Joke: Money Woes I grew up living paycheck to paycheck... But through hard work, time and perseverance... I now live direct deposit to direct deposit! Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 11 Report Share Posted April 11 Joke: Things sure have changed... For the first time in many years, as an old man travelled from his rural town to the city to attend a movie. After buying his ticket, he stopped at the concession stand to purchase some popcorn. Handing the attendant $1.50, he couldn't help but comment, "The last time I came to the movies, popcorn was only 15 cents." "Well, sir," the attendant replied with a grin, "You're really going to enjoy yourself. We have sound now." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 11 Report Share Posted April 11 Joke: Rest Area On her way home from a long trip, a blonde drove past a sign that said "CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES". By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 11 Report Share Posted April 11 Joke: Physical Exam The doctor has just finished giving the young man a thorough physical examination. "The best thing for you to do," the M.D. said, "is give up drinking and smoking, get to bed early and stay away from women." "Doc, I don't deserve the best," said the patient. "What's second best?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 19 Report Share Posted April 19 Joke: You see.... During a dinner party, the hosts' two little children entered the dining room totally nude and walked slowly around the table. The parents were so embarrassed that they pretended nothing was happening and kept the conversation going. The guests cooperated and also continued as if nothing extraordinary was happening. After going all the way around the room, the children left, and there was a moment of silence at the table, during which one child was heard to say.... "You see, it IS vanishing cream!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 19 Report Share Posted April 19 Joke: My wife's a liar "That wife of mine is a liar," said the angry husband to a sympathetic pal seated next to him in the bar. "How do you know?" the friend asked. "She didn't come home last night, and when I asked her where she'd been, she said she'd spent the night with her sister, Shirley." "So?" the friend replied. "So, she's a liar. I spent the night with her sister Shirley!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 19 Report Share Posted April 19 Joke: Cats on a fence A tom cat and a tabby cat were courting on a back fence at night. The tom leaned over to the tabby with pent up passion and purred... "I'll die for you" The tabby gazed at him from under lowered eye lids and asked, "How many times?". yhtang 1 Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 19 Report Share Posted April 19 Joke: Two prisoners are talking about ... Two prisoners are talking about their crimes: George: 'I robbed a bank, and they gave me 20 years' Herman: 'Hmm. I killed a man, and I'm here for 3 days' George: 'WHAT!? I rob a bank and get 20 years; you kill a man and get 3 days!?' Herman: 'Yeah, it was a lawyer.' Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 20 Report Share Posted April 20 Joke: Love Me After Marriage A married couple were quarrelling. Wife: You said you would love me more after marriage? Husband: I did, but I didn't think you would say yes. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 20 Report Share Posted April 20 Joke: It was a stifling hot day and ... It was a stifling hot day and a man fainted in the middle of a busy intersection. Traffic quickly piled up in all directions, so a woman rushed to help him. When she knelt down to loosen his collar, a man emerged from the crowd, pushed her aside, and said, "It's all right honey, I've had a course in first aid." The woman stood up and watched as he took the ill man's pulse and prepared to administer artificial respiration. At this point she tapped him on the shoulder and said, "When you get to the part about calling a doctor, I'm already here." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 20 Report Share Posted April 20 Joke: I Need A Mouse Trap A woman rushes into a hardware store and says, “Can I have a mouse trap, please? And will you be quick, I’ve got a bus to catch!” “Sorry, ma’am,” said the store clerk, “but we don’t sell ‘em that big!” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 21 Report Share Posted April 21 Joke: Grandma's Revenge When my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink. I was not so pleased. I turned to Mom and said, "I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?" Mom smiled and then replied....."I remember." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 21 Report Share Posted April 21 Joke: It Takes A Long Time Janice, my sister, had been pestering her husband, a carpenter, for more than a decade to build a screen door for the kitchen. One day, to her delight, he built and installed one in less than two hours. It was both practical and pretty. She glanced towards the front door and wistfully remarked that one would look good there, as well. "Are you kidding?" he gasped. "You can't just whip these things up, you know. It takes ten years to build a door like this." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 21 Report Share Posted April 21 Joke: A-plus A college girl was supposed to write a short story in as few words as possible for her English class and the instructions were that it had to include Religion, Sexuality and Mystery. She was the only one who received an A+ and this is what she wrote: "Good Heaven, I'm pregnant, I wonder who did it." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 21 Report Share Posted April 21 Joke: A traveling salesman was held ... A traveling salesman was held up in the west by a rainstorm and flood. He e-mails his office in the city: "Delayed by storm. Send instructions." His boss e-mails back: "Start vacation immediately." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 22 Report Share Posted April 22 Joke: A lawyer returns to his parked... A lawyer returns to his parked BMW to find the headlights broken and his front bumper smashed. There's no sign of the offending vehicle, but he's relieved to see that there's a note stuck under the windshield wiper. The lawyer picks up the note. "Sorry. I just backed into your BMW. The witnesses who saw the accident are nodding and smiling at me because they think I'm leaving my name, address and other particulars. But I'm not." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 22 Report Share Posted April 22 Joke: Fortune telling A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told: "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you." The frog says: "This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?" "No," says the psychic: "Next semester, in her biology class." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 22 Report Share Posted April 22 Joke: Cotton Candy So this old man is walking down the street in Brooklyn. He sees a young boy sitting on the street in front of a candy shop, shoving sweets in his mouth as fast as possible. The man walks up to the boy and says "You know son, it's really not healthy to eat all that candy." The kid looks up at him and says, "You know my grandfather lived to be 97 years old." The man replies "Oh and did he eat a lot of candy?" The kid looks at him and says "No, but he minded his own fucking business." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 22 Report Share Posted April 22 Joke: My friend thinks he is smart... My friend thinks he is smart. He told me an onion is the only food that makes you cry, so I threw a coconut at his face. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 23 Report Share Posted April 23 Joke: Long winded A man was giving a speech at his lodge meeting. He got a bit carried away and talked for two hours. Finally, he realized what he had done and said, "I'm sorry I talked so long. I left my watch at home." A voice from the back of the room replied, "There's a calendar behind you..." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 23 Report Share Posted April 23 Joke: My husband wants me to ask you.... Brenda, pregnant with her first child, was paying a visit to her obstetrician's office. When the exam was over, she shyly began, "My husband wants me to ask you..." "I know, I know." the doctor said, placing a reassuring hand on her shoulder, "I get asked that all the time. Sex is fine until late in the pregnancy." "No, that's not it at all." Brenda confessed. "He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 23 Report Share Posted April 23 Joke: You have 10 A man hasn't been feeling well, so he goes to his doctor for a complete checkup. Afterward the doctor comes out with the results. "I'm afraid I have some very bad news," the doctor says: "You're dying, and you don't have much time left." "Oh, that's terrible!" says the man: "How long have I got?" "You have 10," the doctor says sadly. "What do you mean, 10?" the man asks: "10 what? Months? Weeks? What?!" "Nine, eight...." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 23 Report Share Posted April 23 Joke: How much? A man meets a woman at a bar and asks her "Would you have sex with me for 10 million dollars?" Without skipping a beat she screams "Yes!" The man then asks "What about for $20?" She looks at him sideways and says "What do you think I am, a whore?" The man says "We've already established that you are, now we're just negotiating." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 26 Report Share Posted April 26 Joke: A local lawyer was sitting in... A local lawyer was sitting in his office the other morning when in walked a beautiful young lady. Without any preliminaries she said she wanted a divorce. "On what grounds?" asked the lawyer. "I don't think he is faithful to me," she replied. "And what makes you think he isn't faithful?" asked the lawyer. "Well," replied the young lady, "I don't think he is the father of my child." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 26 Report Share Posted April 26 Joke: A guy sees an advertisement in... A guy sees an advertisement in a pet-shop window: "Talking Centipede $100." The guy goes in and buys it. He gets home, opens the box and asks the centipede if he wants to go for a beer. The centipede doesn't answer, so the guy closes the lid, convinced he's been swindled. Thirty minutes later he decides to try again. He raises his voice and shouts, "Do you want to go for a beer?" The centipede pokes his head out of the box and says, "Pipe down! I heard you the first time. I'm putting on my shoes!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 26 Report Share Posted April 26 Joke: Off duty.... A police officer, though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 in the morning. Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed. Just then, his wife sleepily sat up and said, "Mike, dearest, would you go down to the all-night drug store on the next block and get me some aspirin? I've got a splitting headache." "Certainly, honey," he said, and feeling his way across the dark room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store. As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise, "Say," said the druggist, "I know you - aren't you a policeman? Officer Fenwick, right?" "Yeah, so?" said the officer. "Well what the heck are you doing all dressed up like the Fire Chief?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted April 26 Report Share Posted April 26 Joke: A man was walking in the street... A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you." The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished. He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road. Once again, the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die." The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him. "Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?" "I am your guardian angel," the voice answered. "Oh yeah?" the man asked... "And where the hell were you when I got married?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted Sunday at 01:36 PM Report Share Posted Sunday at 01:36 PM Joke: One word a year A man is madly in love with a princess and wants to propose, but an evil witch has cast a spell on him, and now he can say only one word a year. So, he waits 14 agonizing years – accumulating all his words – before approaching his beloved. Finally, the big day arrives. When he sees her, his heart skips a beat. He gathers his nerve, drops to his knees, and intones, "My darling, I have waited many years to say this – will you marry me?" The princess turns around, smiles, and says, "Pardon?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted Sunday at 01:36 PM Report Share Posted Sunday at 01:36 PM Joke: Easy diagnosis.... A man walks into a doctor's office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear. "What's the matter with me?" he asks the doctor. The doctor replies, "You're not eating properly." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted Sunday at 01:37 PM Report Share Posted Sunday at 01:37 PM Joke: Ice Cream What flavours of ice cream do you have?" inquired the customer. "Vanilla, strawberry, and chocolate," answered the new waitress in a hoarse whisper. Trying to be sympathetic, the customer asked, "Do you have laryngitis?" "No...." replied the new waitress with some effort, "just...erm.... vanilla, strawberry, and chocolate." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts