Feel Depressed For Being Gay

[Guest shenderz]

This thread was first started by musclebot. Hope he is doing fine.

Sometimes gays are most cruel to their own kind.

We have all walked similar paths before.

I recall two stories. One is a very well known one, about an old monk and a young monk. The young monk was not happy that his master carried a damsel in distress across the river. In reply, the old monk said that while he had put her down after crossing the river, he still carried her in his heart.

Many of us are like that.

The second story is even more interesting, about a charitable old lady who supported a monk in his religious cultivation by providing him with food and lodging. One day she decided to test him by sending her pretty daughter to seduce him. When the daughter reported that he was immune to her seductions, she chased him away and burnt the hut where he stayed.

It's really not about whether one is gay, bi or straight, top or bottom, young or old, ugly or good looking.

It's about whether you are at peace with yourself.

Just hope that there is more support for one another here, rather than judging, cos there is already enough of that.

By the way, it's no use giving too much unsolicited advice unless you have walked down the same path. And if you have really walked the same path, you would then not give unsolicited advice. Cheers!

[Guest Guest]

OK a few quick points for you before I get back to work.

1. Have a good look on the internet in case you've not already done so (I'm sure you have) - there's a huge gay bears community out there, so you're definitely not alone. You simply have to hook up with other like minded people my friend.

2. You're not the only person to struggle with relationships - perhaps you underestimate just how challenging and difficult relationships are. Nobody teaches us how to fall in love and build a relationship - we learn so much at school but does any of it cover human relations? You take lessons to drive a car, play the piano, learn a foreign language - and we're expected to figure out this thing called 'love' on our own? You are perhaps too harsh on yourself when you make mistakes in love.

3. If your career is not progressing, perhaps you should take it as a sign - change industries, take a long hard look at what you have done and compare that to what you'd like to do instead (and think back to your childhood - what were your ambitions then?) I speak as someone who has changed career paths a few times until I found myself in the right place to do what I want and am happy to talk to you about that topic if you like.

4. Sigh, anti-depressants do not solve anything - they only keep you in a state where you're less likely to experience extremes of emotions. It's like my sister who's on those medications as well - it's not solving anything. The reason why she is depressed is because of her husbands parents who are just freaking evil and hate her and they make life hell for her - she needs to either get a divorce or somehow make peace with her in-laws. Taking those pills is not going to solve anything, which is why I am telling you the same thing - the pills are not the answer. Fish oil is not the answer (come on, you know that, like taking cod liver oil is going to solve all your problems - yeah right).

You have already told us what is making you depressed: a) frustrations at finding love, b) frustrations at your career progression.

You need to act in a proactive, assertive manner to resolve both of those issues in order to stop feeling depressed and this may seem simplistic, but like I have said before, some of the most obvious answers are the most simple ones.

Wa, still working a?

Thanks for the analyses, you just enlighten me, I thought once got sick, shall seek doctor immediately, which it really can solve short term problem, it goes away, yet do not know when it will come back again.

I read through few books regarding depression and insomnia, non of it helps me. Then I changed my bed & pillows, whole set from Ikea, it helps a bit, but not yet solve the problem.

Your words gave me a deep thought, like Chinese quote:"解鈴還是系鈴人" means to solve a problem, once must find the origin or what causing the problem. Quite similar to "butterfly effect", which means change of initial condition can produces a huge differences at later state.

And If I know what is the "initial condition", and what if I change it (finding a new lover and career)? I will heading to a new world. I know I must do something, and I will be better! Soon I will step out again with my healthy smiling face, and it shall comes from my inner heart.

Thanks.

[Foreign Talent]

Hi, glad I'm able to help. Anyway, my point is simple - all these anti-depressants do not resolve anything in your life. It's like, your foot is in pain because it is stuck under a heavy object, like a cupboard - the most obvious solution is to somehow get your foot out from under that cupboard, rather than to take a pain killer to numb the pain on your foot (and ignore the fact that there's a heavy cupboard on your foot). Sigh, I see this happening to my sister as well and problem with taking those tablets is that they make you think "oh I am doing something about the situation, I am taking medication" - when really, the pills are but a distraction to the fact that you need to deal with the real problem. Good luck.

[Guest Guest]

im feeling depressed for being gay too. changing mindset is not easy, at most lasts for a few weeks only.

[Aztrole]

Changing mindsets can last many years. And one still may not find the answer. Best to examine what baggage you have been carrying.

 

Maybe go for counselling might help?

[snowball]

you can't run away from who you are what you are, is not a shame to be gay, but is sad if you don't dare to face the real you. no one can help you, you have to overcome and realize it yourself, if you think being a gay is a sin, then you won't have a peace mind, don't keep thinking that if you are straight, then everything will be normal and life will be much easy, don't forget, many straight are not happy too.

[ThinkTank]

I was once lost and despair why I Am Gay.... walking down the road alone with very few friends, no gay friend to talk to... it is very difficult in the beginning but slowing...

 

I Learn (to be different from others-straight people),

I Forgive (to those who betray n hurt me before),

I Forget (pass is passed, you cannot bring them back again, important is the present n future !!)

 

just be Who You Are, Live with it, be Happy and No Worry...... you will get use to it when you growing older and wiser

[Guest Guest]

i know i m gay but sometimes when after sex, jus feel kind of guilty as if i hav done sth wrong, its even worse when de guy i hav sex is old, fat n ugly.

i hav swear to myself never play with those guys anymore. its not easy to stay away from sex but it's kind of peaceful in mind when u do.

now my life is more to work, money, frens n my hobby

i think it fine if both gays engaged in sex is of same quality but not de one good n one ugly.

however, no matter wat it is, i hav stay away from gay sex n hope can do for rest of my life.

thx

I have something similar to yours. I am good looking and muscular. I am always very afraid of being taken advantage of by ugly men. Yet I find the way they are infatuated with me quite flattering.

I avoided ugly men and only dated men of the same calibre as me. But these relationship don't last as we don't value each other.

On one such breakups, I was devastated and thought since he doesn't value my good looks and body, I will give myself to the man that nobody wanted, that everybody avoided.

On that day there was this old man who was half blind( his eyes don't seem focused and he seems to use his hand to fumble around), worse of all, he was scolded by some other uncle for touching him. The uncle even scolded him to go back to the old folks home.

Actually this old man is not bad looking. But his eyes made him look bad. So I talked to him and he confessed that he really came from the old folks home to find men for sex. He is half blind from cataract but can still see up close. I thought this is good if after sex he don't recognize me.

So we went to this room and I let him have fun with me. He had to see my body parts really close and he literally worshipped my body. It felt really good to be serviced without having to reciprocate.

I felt so safe with him that I even teased him by hooking my legs onto his shoulders while he sucked me. With other men this will be seen as an offer by me to be fucked. I am a versatile top and hate to be seen as a bottom. With my hole right in front of his nose with me in the sluttiest pose, he just carry on massaging me and sucking my cock. It never even crossed his mind to fuck me. He was hard and dripping.

I even turn around and laid on my tummy with my cock blocked. let's see how innocent be really is. He felt around my buttocks and hesitated for a moment. Then his finger circled around my hole. I parted my legs and even raised my butts. He took the hint and went in. He really knew where my g-spot is and went working on it. I felt really good and moaned.

I turned around and hooked my legs on his shoulders again. I was squirming from his fingering when the door suddenly opened. The plastic door catch can be unhooked by forced lifting. Someone looked in and suddenly I realised he might think I was being screwed by this old man. Like you, the absurd inequality of me being screwed by the least desirable man in the whole sauna gets me excited. Suddenly I ejaculated from this dirty thought.

After that time, this dirty thought seems to both excites me and puzzled me. I had the same thought of letting one ugly uncle screw me. Yet I couldn't bring myself to try it. I am afraid that after the sex is over, I will feel regret like you do.

Now I just tease them instead of avoiding them. To prevent myself from really doing it, I never go into room with them. But sometimes I thought this thing is really annoying and bothering me too much, why don't I do it and get over it once and for all since I am not young myself.

Is there a psychological term for this feeling?