Feel Depressed For Being Gay

[mango_juice]

Me too.. Felt lonely at times but life goes on... Life's not all abt relationships... There are straights who remained single all their lifes too.. But I guess it's harder for us to cope... Have many crushes too and can do nothing abt it...

[FateEva]

same,

But life goes on then....

[fenghou]

Well... Another alternative is to not make your identity such a conscious issue. The more you think about it in loops, the more you aggravate your current situation.

[inserts]

It's all about putting your thought energies into the right channel. If you keep on thinking about your dilemma without finding a solution, you're just digging a deeper hole.

I agree very much with the first statement....the more I think about my homosexuality, the more depressed I felt, the darker my life seems to be... till the extend that I neglected my studies then, and forgetting about the most important people in my life - my family

I've not accepted my sexuality, and even till now, I can't make myself to believe wholeheartedly that being gay is "blameless" or "right" (right and wrong are just polarities humans created to aid decision-making)

but now I've learned not to just focus on this aspect of myself

yes I may be gay but i am also a person, a classmate,a friend ,a brother, a son ,your colleague and most importantly i am human - i ain't perfect and no one is

forget about your sexuality

live your life

let life lead you along the way and love yourself

i've wasted too much energy and attention on hating myself and i hope you won't do the same

Edited May 9, 2011 by fenghou

[Guest Gay lovet]

I am so happy I am Gay !!!

[Guest alien]

I assume u do not know any friends from this circle, which is y u feel terrible. Unless u r able to handle ur sexuality by urself, whether or not u have friends from this circle, then still not so bad.

[Guest Deimos]

Definitely it's part and parcel about doubting your sexuality and hating the difference of yourself from the others.

I have my fair share of such experience. I wouldn't say I am born to be one. Or should i put in that way that I'm "nuture" to be one?

I stayed with my grandma and my uncle's family when I was about 4 5 years old. My uncle have 6 boys: the youngest was 12 years older than me.

I remembered there was once I abruptly barged Into my youngest cousin's room. He was rubbing his boy tool while reading some pxxnography magazine. Curious I asked what was he doing. He replied whether I want to have some "sweets". I was being led to giving him a head which I thought was something normal to do. In my memory, I was told to do the same stuff for another 2 of my cousins. I thought it was something a boy should do. Like any other boy games when we played young.

As I grew older, I realized what I did was nothing normal. I do like girls during my primary school and secondary school days. However, the clear vivid childhood memories have led me to think otherwise. I felt dirty and inferior about Myself. I knew I am different. In order to protect my identity, I pretended to like girls, watched pxxn with my straight friends, talk about girls etc. I had this cute schoolmate of mine who was always a hot favourite when we were in high school and poly. He's a thoughtful person and a caring person. I been secretly in love with him since we were 16. I have been suspecting whether he is plu because he never had a gf. One fine day he text me and asked if I love him. Ithought he was just joking and told him we are brothers(tha was when we were 17 and I was told he was seeing some girl then). We didn't contact till 5 Years later when we were both 22 years old. We meet up often for lunch dinner trips etc. In fact I been liking him for these few years. He's was still that thoughtful sweet guy, cared about me. So one day I confessed to him. Guessed what? I think he was damn disgusted and shut me off ever since. There are definitely people who's not comfortable with homosexual and there are nice ones who are open and treat us with respect. Thought back of my foolish actions, I have damaged a friendship that will never be salvaged. But I am also glad that I have a straight friend whom I have known for more than a decade who have stood by me all these years.

[fab]

Your cases are totally nature, nothing nurture at all.

Straight boys I know at 4 to 5 will be inclined to touch breast and CBs already. And your teenage experience testified to it again.

Definitely it's part and parcel about doubting your sexuality and hating the difference of yourself from the others.

I have my fair share of such experience. I wouldn't say I am born to be one. Or should i put in that way that I'm "nuture" to be one?

I stayed with my grandma and my uncle's family when I was about 4 5 years old. My uncle have 6 boys: the youngest was 12 years older than me.

I remembered there was once I abruptly barged Into my youngest cousin's room. He was rubbing his boy tool while reading some pxxnography magazine. Curious I asked what was he doing. He replied whether I want to have some "sweets". I was being led to giving him a head which I thought was something normal to do. In my memory, I was told to do the same stuff for another 2 of my cousins. I thought it was something a boy should do. Like any other boy games when we played young.

As I grew older, I realized what I did was nothing normal. I do like girls during my primary school and secondary school days. However, the clear vivid childhood memories have led me to think otherwise. I felt dirty and inferior about Myself. I knew I am different. In order to protect my identity, I pretended to like girls, watched pxxn with my straight friends, talk about girls etc. I had this cute schoolmate of mine who was always a hot favourite when we were in high school and poly. He's a thoughtful person and a caring person. I been secretly in love with him since we were 16. I have been suspecting whether he is plu because he never had a gf. One fine day he text me and asked if I love him. Ithought he was just joking and told him we are brothers(tha was when we were 17 and I was told he was seeing some girl then). We didn't contact till 5 Years later when we were both 22 years old. We meet up often for lunch dinner trips etc. In fact I been liking him for these few years. He's was still that thoughtful sweet guy, cared about me. So one day I confessed to him. Guessed what? I think he was damn disgusted and shut me off ever since. There are definitely people who's not comfortable with homosexual and there are nice ones who are open and treat us with respect. Thought back of my foolish actions, I have damaged a friendship that will never be salvaged. But I am also glad that I have a straight friend whom I have known for more than a decade who have stood by me all these years.

[Guest brando]

Your family got to realise everything written in the Bible is contextual to the times the Israelites were living in then.

Then where do we get our moral values in the present context based on?

[Guest Guest]

Then where do we get our moral values in the present context based on?

Rationalism.

this might cheer you up.

http://www.religioustolerance.org/

well... maybe not.

[Guest brando]

Rationalism.

this might cheer you up.

http://www.religioustolerance.org/

well... maybe not.

But we always rationalise and justify our shortcomings.

And different people rationalise differently leh...

[clayton]

I congratulate you on identifying your sexuality, whether you have told anyone about it or not. It's a big step to know who you are and to accept it.

I don't know how old you are but at 33, I am still not out to anyone, not even family and I also have crushes on straight, good-looking men secretly. So, know that you don't have to "come out of the closet" if you don't want to, you have a choice.

Does this make you a happy person?

I can only answer for myself. You have to find the answer to this question on your own.

I am blessed in that for the past 10+ years I have a "dad-son" relationship with a married man twice my age, though complicated but this has kept me happy until lately.

And what I have learnt is,

Being "different" is a difficult thing where we live. We proclaim tolerance but that there are segments of our society that are still hateful of homosexuals. If staying in the closet makes things easier for you, why not? I think you are an intelligent person, so weigh the consequences. You don't have to make a statement that you are gay just "because you have to" or "you think it will make you happy".

"Staying in the closet" doesn't mean you have to repeat the hateful remarks some may make to the community, just to fit in. Know that you can always offer a reasonable alternative voice.

If you are still young, you should set your eyes on education and gaining financial independence. A good education and the ability to support yourself will benefit you greatly in life. And I'm forever grateful to my "dad" for his kindness and support in this area.

Know also that recently, I had a change of heart and thanks to the support from some nice folks here, I managed to muster the courage and have broken off my relationship. My "dad" still looks after me, I guess I like being "protected" (greedy?) but I have made it clear that I am my own person now. He has given me his blessings.

So, for the first time in a long while, I am emotionally unattached. I feel elated and lost at the same time. But I'm happy right now.

This just shows that as you grow older, your heart changes, your outlook on life changes but when you know something is right to do, you will find the courage somehow. You just need time to think it through properly.

The feeling of misery is not permanent. The silver lining is always there, you just need to change your perspective and find it.

[Guest Careful]

Hey all. I just wanna ask y'all a question. How do you lead a life as a homosexual? I'm feeling depressed and really. The dude that I like is straight, and I've been trying to move on for two years already, but I cannot seem to do so. Thus I've got no special someone to lean on. I cannot reveal anything about myself being gay to my family, because I know once I'm out, I'll be out from the family. My family is devoted to Christ. I can never tell my friends as they are anti-homo. I feel that I have no one to turn to. Life is perhaps meaningless. I have good friends, family who will never accept me for who I am. I tried to change but I just cannot. I've been trying to push aside all e emotions by playing sports excessively. Sometimes I ven resort to pain. Argh, I'm out of options.

Yo, lonelyboy, I was in the same situation as you about 2 months ago. But, I was damn lucky, as i found my dear here...nevertheless, you must be extremely careful to those people who ask you to pm them...please ensure that you communicate enough with them online, to know that they are of good character (and not just looking for physical fun), before you finally meet them...please be patient and your dear will appear finally...to be honest, I'm really glad that I'm a gay :-)

[Guest Lonelyboy]

Hey all, thank you for your encouraging words. Though I'm still in the midst of coming to terms with reality, I'm very grateful for your advices. I'll try and move on, away from my sexuality, away from him, away from relationships. God bless all of you, and take care!

[Guest Euouae90]

I had the same dilemma when it comes to religion matters. I used to feel anxious all the times, feeling so guilty that I scared I will die in bad manners due to my "sin" as a gay. But then, I thought about it once more. For whatever reason, whether it's due to genetic or nurturing issue, I'm a gay at this point of time. Nothing I can change and everything already "planned". This life is like a movie. Each of us have our own episode but the big picture, only the "director" knows it. Sometimes, life is much easier by not thinking too much and by not asking too many questions. For me, facing similar dilemma, I keep thinking that being gay is completely fine, but doing gay is wrong. I'm sorry that I have to impose some of my personal beliefs and religious values, but since the first posting is talking about religious issue I should give a response in a similar way. Anyone feeling not comfortable after reading my opinion, please feel free to ignore it. Now, I'm pretty much happier. I admit myself as a gay, accept it, open to myself. I have told all my best friends and my sister. I feel like it's really me now! Being gay is the same as being straight. They just differ in their personal preference and no one would mind if others have different preference rite? So, take one deep breath and say "I love myself as a gay". Cheers.

[Jordy]

I truly believe that we just live this life once.. No matter who says or are against you, if he/she is a true friend, he/she will accept you. It might be shocking to them but they will eventually accept it and help you or be with you should anything happen. Your parents will definately be against it but speak to them nicely and try to ask for their understanding.. It is hard but I believe that one fine day, they will understand.. We only live once.. Who knows whether there might really be a shattered earth in 2011?? Why not live life to the fullest and accept yourself as who you are and embrace yourself fully?? We did not hurt or injure anyone.. We are just trying to be ourselves.. Aint we??

[winterboy]

Hey all. I just wanna ask y'all a question. How do you lead a life as a homosexual? I'm feeling depressed and really. The dude that I like is straight, and I've been trying to move on for two years already, but I cannot seem to do so. Thus I've got no special someone to lean on. I cannot reveal anything about myself being gay to my family, because I know once I'm out, I'll be out from the family. My family is devoted to Christ. I can never tell my friends as they are anti-homo. I feel that I have no one to turn to. Life is perhaps meaningless. I have good friends, family who will never accept me for who I am. I tried to change but I just cannot. I've been trying to push aside all e emotions by playing sports excessively. Sometimes I ven resort to pain. Argh, I'm out of options.

well, i'm in a similar condition as yours.. most of my straight friends found their own life partners ...i've found mine too...but i just cant share it with them, as well as my parents...

[Guest Black_Hat]

To Deimos: this is the risk that we have to take when we decide to come out to certain friends and family members. You are not in the wrong and please do not blame yourself, although thts a natural reaction most Ajs go through when the person they come out to rejects them..especially in disgust and fear. Just remember, there will always be other people who will accept you for who you are and the loss of this friendship might be hurtful, but these people who you will eventually meet and who love you unconditionally, are the ones that will offer their hands and pick you up again

To Lonelyboy: I used to have the same thinking that i can never get involve with a guy because God does not condone homosexuality and that I will be sent to hell for that. Thus since young i felt depressed and sad often because of the burgeoning feelings inside me and also the impossibility of getting into a relation ship with a guy. But as I grew older, I realized that the Bible has been historically written by Man. So it is always important to study religious teaching in depth and try to analyze their meanings and learn to Interpret Them.Don't just follow religious teachings blindly.

If you need sumone to talk to, feel free to pm me. And no its not an indecent proposal LOL.

[eric6363]

Listen to this song - there is a message for you.

Get to know gay friends who will support you, and if you find that special someone, your life will suddenly be beautiful.

When you reach that stage, you may find other young men in similar dark days.

Hopefully you can help them see the brightness of their future too!

Edited June 17, 2011 by GachiMuchi

[fab]

Hey all. I just wanna ask y'all a question. How do you lead a life as a homosexual? I'm feeling depressed and really. The dude that I like is straight, and I've been trying to move on for two years already, but I cannot seem to do so. Thus I've got no special someone to lean on. I cannot reveal anything about myself being gay to my family, because I know once I'm out, I'll be out from the family. My family is devoted to Christ. I can never tell my friends as they are anti-homo. I feel that I have no one to turn to. Life is perhaps meaningless. I have good friends, family who will never accept me for who I am. I tried to change but I just cannot. I've been trying to push aside all e emotions by playing sports excessively. Sometimes I ven resort to pain. Argh, I'm out of options.

if i may ask, how old are u?

[Guest Loneliness]

I think every1 feels the same way as well.. It is not easy to hv diff preference from other guys, and i personally thinks tat it is impossible to change a gay person into a normal str8...

Most of us hv no1 to share with, unless for those who r fortunate to hv some1 to share in real life may has less stress compare to us who have no1 to pour our heart with... The only medium to relief the stress is to do it via here or other gay forum..

I think i'm a decent bi (or more into gay) who appears to be str8... Many relatives and frens keep asking why i nvr committed in a relationship be4, i juz dismissed it with focusing on my future or i did not meet the right person yet...

U muz think wat u want, either u clarify it with ur fam, or u keep it forever, it has its own consequences...

I choose not to enclosed such news, because i knows that create a chaotic situation in my fam.. Hence i choose either remains single forever or hopefully find some gal tat i can live together with and ger married..

For me love is universal, it can be with a girl or even a guy. Love is love, its either u like it or not...

[Guest Lonelyboy]

if i may ask, how old are u?

I'm 19, Fyi. Why??

[Histonin]

Life is worth living, trust me on this. I know how you feel whenever you have to suppress your homosexuality, but you just have to tolerate it. You're still young, as am I (I'm one year older than you). But life can and will get better, especially when you grow older. I came out to my strictly conservative family, went through years of trauma and pain, shouting and screaming in the house.

But now... Things are better. They've reached an equilibrium, and I think that everyone is adjusting to the fact that at the end of the day, I'm still a part of the family. I'm still a son, a brother, and a human that has always been a part of my family for the past twenty years, and the fact that I'm gay will not destroy that. I know that in this country things may not be so good yet, but I'd like to share a video with you:

They share their experiences of how they felt when they were young, of the pain, suffering and torment they endured, and now they're living happily together with two sons. In response to someone who committed suicide for being bullied for being gay, they started this "It Gets Better" project to help LGBT kids who feel depressed. This project has garnered huge support in the States, with even Obama appearing on it!

Cheer up man. You have many years ahead of you. =)

Edited June 18, 2011 by Histonin

[sazanime]

It is sad and i do share the same sentiments as TS, I am still closeted but I kind of accepted myself.

Could never really come out for fear of breaking my mum's weak heart,but I think learning to accept yourself

is the most important step, if that "special" someone ever did ever come in your life ,treasure the time

you have together no matter how short or long it is. Btw histonin thanks for the video, it is very enlightening.

Cheers

Saz

Happy to be alone

[doncoin]

Here's a shortened version produced by Google to promote Chrome browser, but I think the ad effectively demonstrates the consistent message: It Gets Better.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7skPnJOZYdA&feature=player_profilepage

As you get older, you will realise being gay is the least of your problems. Given your youth, this is the time to go explore who you are, and being gay is just a small part of the process. It defines only a part of you, not all of you. Learn to accept your strengths and weaknesses. Focus on your who you want to be, what you want to get out of life. It's not going to be easy, but you will survive and grow up as so many of us have done so.

[Guest Documentary Sharer]

For Lonelyboy, and all other GBLT who are grappling with sexuality and the Christian faith, I would recommend you to watch this excellent documentary "For The Bible Tells Me So".

It is a pro-GBLT documentary, so don't get turned off by the hate introduced in the opening minutes.

http://www.forthebibletellsmeso.org/index2.htm

I used to be a good Christian from Sec 2 till Army, where I quit because I couldn't reconcile religion with myself and the hard truths of life. However, I found this documentary illuminating in that the Church has a largely policiticised view and agenda, except for the very few who know better. I can't say more as I am not a Bible scholar, so try to get a copy of the DVD and hear it from the Nobel Laureates, scholars, medical professionals and other noted figures give their learned view of what it means to be GBLT and Christian.

Peace be with you.

[fab]

I'm 19, Fyi. Why??

I supposed u r still not financially ready on your own. Hence I would advise u to not to fight with your family especially whereby your orientation is concerned.

That's really no need to come out of the closet for the sake of coming out. Continue to play the game of denial until u r ready.

[briax]

I supposed u r still not financially ready on your own. Hence I would advise u to not to fight with your family especially whereby your orientation is concerned.

That's really no need to come out of the closet for the sake of coming out. Continue to play the game of denial until u r ready.

I think this is a very valid point. In my opinion, while we need to encourage people who come out to themselves and their close ones, safety is paramount. You need to feel safe first.

[gaycurious85]

I think every1 feels the same way as well.. It is not easy to hv diff preference from other guys, and i personally thinks tat it is impossible to change a gay person into a normal str8...

Most of us hv no1 to share with, unless for those who r fortunate to hv some1 to share in real life may has less stress compare to us who have no1 to pour our heart with... The only medium to relief the stress is to do it via here or other gay forum..

I think i'm a decent bi (or more into gay) who appears to be str8... Many relatives and frens keep asking why i nvr committed in a relationship be4, i juz dismissed it with focusing on my future or i did not meet the right person yet...

U muz think wat u want, either u clarify it with ur fam, or u keep it forever, it has its own consequences...

I choose not to enclosed such news, because i knows that create a chaotic situation in my fam.. Hence i choose either remains single forever or hopefully find some gal tat i can live together with and ger married..

For me love is universal, it can be with a girl or even a guy. Love is love, its either u like it or not...

is it worth it? Living all your life without telling your parents about who you really are? WIll you regret it that one day when your parents pass away they dont even have the chance to know you?

take a quiet moment and think about it: what is wrong with being gay? do you hurt anybody? harm anybody? did you choose to be gay? what did you do wrong?

I cried when I told my mom I am gay (when I was 23 yo). She did not cry. She was shocked. And the 1st thing she said to me was :"why didn't you tell me earlier? whatever you are, whatever you become, I will always love you". She said that and I even cried harder.

I know not all parents are as supporting as my mom. But believe me, all parents love their children. They will be shocked, sad, upset ect.. but after some time, they will get over it and they will love you even more because they know you are suffering, they know that you have to lead a more difficult life as compared to your friends who are straight.

so think about it. is it worth to live all your life in denial? instead, why dont you be true to yourself, try to live a good life, try to help other ppl, contribute to the society, and look for love with a gay man as you are supposed to.

For me the problem of being gay is not the stigma/discrimination, but the promiscuous gay life style that may lead to STD and HIV.

And the video about Dan and Tery is so nice and great and happiness is out there for us too. We just need to be strong and work hard for it.

[poorlife70]

I think I must be a failure in life. It takes me 40 years to convince myself that I am gay. After realising the truth, I am lost and depressed. Cried a few times. My eyes are wet whenever I saw my parents. I have let them down. I just could not arouse at the sight of a female body. All the while, I thought I will get married. Has a wife and kids to continue the ancestor tree. Suddenly I dont know wat to do. How to lead a life as a gay? How come life like that? Why must I be gay of all things in life? Gays have no future. Just wait to die from AIDs one day. I thought finding true love from the opposite sex is bad enough. Same sex even worst and more challenging. Hear too many stories about gay relationships. Men are born to stray and so are gays. How should I prepare myself for the next 20 odd years before I leave this world?

[briax]

I think I must be a failure in life. It takes me 40 years to convince myself that I am gay. After realising the truth, I am lost and depressed. Cried a few times. My eyes are wet whenever I saw my parents. I have let them down. I just could not arouse at the sight of a female body. All the while, I thought I will get married. Has a wife and kids to continue the ancestor tree. Suddenly I dont know wat to do. How to lead a life as a gay? How come life like that? Why must I be gay of all things in life? Gays have no future. Just wait to die from AIDs one day. I thought finding true love from the opposite sex is bad enough. Same sex even worst and more challenging. Hear too many stories about gay relationships. Men are born to stray and so are gays. How should I prepare myself for the next 20 odd years before I leave this world?

You have multiple questions and you are obviously confused with your life direction. I am not 40 and I shall not pretend to understand your concerns. Here's my response to your questions and I really do not intend to trivialise your worries.

How come life like that? Why must I be gay of all things in life?

- Life is filled with uncertainty, unfairness and if you like, "misfortunes". But it is how you make sense of your situation that makes you feel better, or worse.

Gays have no future.

- I dunno why you say that gays have no future. I am quite certain I have a future and I am actually glad that I need not be tied down with some of the life issues that a typical heterosexual man has to deal with. Ask any of our 40yo plus volunteers and they will tell you how life can be equally exciting and hopeful.

Just wait to die from AIDs one day.

- Unless you are practicing unprotected sex and your sex partner is HIV positive, there is no way you will be infected with HIV. Even if you are HIV positive, you can actually live a very long life. I have met guys in their 60s and they are HIV positive and leading a balanced life. In any case, you have a choice to remain HIV negative if you want to.

I thought finding true love from the opposite sex is bad enough. Same sex even worst and more challenging.

- It is more challenging but it is not worse. Ask any straight couples who are going through divorce and they will give you a different view. A relationship depends on how much you are prepared to invest in, have faith in and work hard on. All relationships need hard work.

Hear too many stories about gay relationships. Men are born to stray and so are gays.

- Straight people strayed too. You need to meet some of the gay couples who count their relationships in decades. They are like old couples, sometimes full of nonsense but they know they have learnt to live their lives together.

How should I prepare myself for the next 20 odd years before I leave this world?

- You have a good 20 years. And I am glad that you have actually used the word "Prepared". That means you are willing to work on something so you are not seeing things in all negativity. I wish I could share with you the mature men guide that we are preparing now but it is not ready for release yet. But you can join our program for Mature Men Project and you will get to meet people who are in their 40s, some well adjusted, some still learning and some opened up for the first time. Talk to some of them, and you will realise you are born gay because you given a chance to live a slightly different life.

Edited June 27, 2011 by briax

[Guest PoorThing]

I think I must be a failure in life. It takes me 40 years to convince myself that I am gay. After realising the truth, I am lost and depressed. Cried a few times. My eyes are wet whenever I saw my parents. I have let them down. I just could not arouse at the sight of a female body. All the while, I thought I will get married. Has a wife and kids to continue the ancestor tree. Suddenly I dont know wat to do. How to lead a life as a gay? How come life like that? Why must I be gay of all things in life? Gays have no future. Just wait to die from AIDs one day. I thought finding true love from the opposite sex is bad enough. Same sex even worst and more challenging. Hear too many stories about gay relationships. Men are born to stray and so are gays. How should I prepare myself for the next 20 odd years before I leave this world?

Dear poorlife70, I feel for you. Reading what you've written, i cant help feeling its a glimpse of how my future is going to end up. I truly believe the reason you, me and all AJ are born gay is cause in our previous lives, we've committed heinous sins, like fcuking a prostitute without paying or committed rapes, and karma has gotten to us in this life. Rather than waiting for AIDS to kill us slowly, We should just die right now, to spare our parents the mental anguish from knowing their sons, whom they've painstakingly brought up, are gays. The only way out is to repent for our sins, and hopefully we can be reborn as straights in our next lives. I will pray on behalf of all AJs to seek god's forgiveness.

[Guest Black_Hat]

Dear poorlife70, I feel for you. Reading what you've written, i cant help feeling its a glimpse of how my future is going to end up. I truly believe the reason you, me and all AJ are born gay is cause in our previous lives, we've committed heinous sins, like fcuking a prostitute without paying or committed rapes, and karma has gotten to us in this life. Rather than waiting for AIDS to kill us slowly, We should just die right now, to spare our parents the mental anguish from knowing their sons, whom they've painstakingly brought up, are gays. The only way out is to repent for our sins, and hopefully we can be reborn as straights in our next lives. I will pray on behalf of all AJs to seek god's forgiveness.

poorlife70, please do not believe a single word said by this guest. It's obvious he is trying to mindf**k you. Do take briax's advice and, being gay is neither a sin nor a result of karma. It's simply what we are born as.

Edited June 27, 2011 by Black_Hat

[Guest Guest]

Dear poorlife70, I feel for you. Reading what you've written, i cant help feeling its a glimpse of how my future is going to end up. I truly believe the reason you, me and all AJ are born gay is cause in our previous lives, we've committed heinous sins, like fcuking a prostitute without paying or committed rapes, and karma has gotten to us in this life. Rather than waiting for AIDS to kill us slowly, We should just die right now, to spare our parents the mental anguish from knowing their sons, whom they've painstakingly brought up, are gays. The only way out is to repent for our sins, and hopefully we can be reborn as straights in our next lives. I will pray on behalf of all AJs to seek god's forgiveness.

dun like that lah. i suggest poorlife70 to bring his parents to watch 'Sex & zen' in 3D. That would make it up to them.

[briax]

Dear poorlife70, I feel for you. Reading what you've written, i cant help feeling its a glimpse of how my future is going to end up. I truly believe the reason you, me and all AJ are born gay is cause in our previous lives, we've committed heinous sins, like fcuking a prostitute without paying or committed rapes, and karma has gotten to us in this life. Rather than waiting for AIDS to kill us slowly, We should just die right now, to spare our parents the mental anguish from knowing their sons, whom they've painstakingly brought up, are gays. The only way out is to repent for our sins, and hopefully we can be reborn as straights in our next lives. I will pray on behalf of all AJs to seek god's forgiveness.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts. First, I wish you could sleep well tonight after writing this rubbish and suggesting someone should end his life. I do not know about your religion but it must be the first religion that recommend death. Perhaps we should ask if one's parents prefer a dead son or a gay son. Second, I am not religious so I do not need your prayer. I can go hell if that's the way but I am not making my current life a living hell. You can pray as much as you want.

Edited June 27, 2011 by briax

[Guest sexyboy]

I think I must be a failure in life. It takes me 40 years to convince myself that I am gay. After realising the truth, I am lost and depressed. Cried a few times. My eyes are wet whenever I saw my parents. I have let them down. I just could not arouse at the sight of a female body. All the while, I thought I will get married. Has a wife and kids to continue the ancestor tree. Suddenly I dont know wat to do. How to lead a life as a gay? How come life like that? Why must I be gay of all things in life? Gays have no future. Just wait to die from AIDs one day. I thought finding true love from the opposite sex is bad enough. Same sex even worst and more challenging. Hear too many stories about gay relationships. Men are born to stray and so are gays. How should I prepare myself for the next 20 odd years before I leave this world?

you could get yourself a hot young boy to keep your life exciting. ahem, i dont mind!

i promise i'll be faithful also.

[winterboy]

after 2 months i met de same guy at de sauna. he keep approaching me even i try to reject at first but my body seem like cant resist n witout my knowledge he is adi topping in de room. i so high tat i autocum twice even i feel so guilty for tat. he is so ugly n fat but good at sex. i totally submited to him n we ar fxxk buddies now.

...

there is one time i even beg a ugly uncle to fxxk me n suck his cock so hard so i can sit on it.

i feel so sick n cheap

sometimes i feel like wan to commit suicide

wat if my family noe abt tat. they wil kill me.

i feel so cheap. i cant understand y i work so hard in gym n in de end i jus lift up my leg n let somebody fxxk me.

dont deny it, deep in your heart, u're a chaser... gay chubs are also queer. so, dont discriminate them! just live your life for yourself, and not for others.. or else u'll suffer... and i dont think it's cheap being a hunk and yet being topped by a chub.. it's just your preference, which u've denied.. well, really hope u can get through the gap and sorry if i sound offensive

[briax]

dont deny it, deep in your heart, u're a chaser... gay chubs are also queer. so, dont discriminate them! just live your life for yourself, and not for others.. or else u'll suffer... and i dont think it's cheap being a hunk and yet being topped by a chub.. it's just your preference, which u've denied.. well, really hope u can get through the gap and sorry if i sound offensive

You did realise that the message you quoted is from 06 May 2010 right?

[Guest Guest]

I always luv Madonna & Lady Gaga for their courage to be who they are.

[Guest haha]

I always luv Madonna & Lady Gaga for their courage to be who they are.

you do know they work with gimmicks to fool people like you?

[abang]

Being gay is not depressing.

Feeling lonely is normal.

How to beat the system?

Get a proper college education, find a reasonably-paid job where you enjoy.

With better financial situation, you will find a lot of interesting things to do

eg. photography, hiking, walking etc.

What says being gay is boring?

Take a walk along Henderson Wave, JunGle walk at MacRichite ..

These events dont cost you much (less transport to the location and back)..

Perhaps I should organise the jungle walk this weekend for singes/couples..

[doncoin]

I think I must be a failure in life. It takes me 40 years to convince myself that I am gay. After realising the truth, I am lost and depressed. Cried a few times. My eyes are wet whenever I saw my parents. I have let them down. I just could not arouse at the sight of a female body. All the while, I thought I will get married. Has a wife and kids to continue the ancestor tree. Suddenly I dont know wat to do. How to lead a life as a gay? How come life like that? Why must I be gay of all things in life? Gays have no future. Just wait to die from AIDs one day. I thought finding true love from the opposite sex is bad enough. Same sex even worst and more challenging. Hear too many stories about gay relationships. Men are born to stray and so are gays. How should I prepare myself for the next 20 odd years before I leave this world?

You've spent the past 40 years in denial, before you finally took the plunge to embrace a part of who you are. You can spent another 20 years like you said being afraid like the 40 years before, or take the plunge again and live the life you have.

Gays have a future like everyone else. It is what you make of it. It is not just gay people who get infected with HIV, straight people too. What about new born babies born with the virus? Your future is what you make of it, not what your sexual orientation. Nobody ever asked how to live life as a heterosexual? You just live and figure things out along the way like everyone else before you.

As for gay relationships, it is up to you and the other person to make it a success. Often we hear of relationship failures more than success is because as a society we have yet to reach a point where 2 gay people can seriously grow old together and have their relationship recognized for what it is. I think with the passing of the gay marriage legislature in New York, we will see more success stories in the years to come. Even without the official recognition of marriage, I know of 2 gay seniors who are a couple, who have been together for over 30 years. Unfortunately, given the limited climate in Singapore, we don't see or hear such stories often. Instead, we are propagated frequently with the promiscuous, anti-relationship stance on gay culture taken by religious institutions and the government.

You can whine and be depressed and let it control your life or you can embrace who you are fully as a person, the perfect, imperfect, gay, straight, good bad, whatever. Learn to love yourself for who you are.

Seriously, I am getting tired of telling people all the time to love themselves for who they are. The self-haters are the ones who whine and whine about nobody loving them, nobody cares about them... etc. Listen, it is your life. Learn to love yourself no matter what. You don't have to be perfect. You don't have to live up to the expectations of others. You got to live up for yourself.

It is from loving yourself and embracing who you are as a person with all the perfections and imperfections that will become the key to others loving you.

Quit whining already!

Edited June 27, 2011 by chelseasian

[Guest Ironrod]

I think I must be a failure in life. It takes me 40 years to convince myself that I am gay. After realising the truth, I am lost and depressed. Cried a few times. My eyes are wet whenever I saw my parents. I have let them down. I just could not arouse at the sight of a female body. All the while, I thought I will get married. Has a wife and kids to continue the ancestor tree. Suddenly I dont know wat to do. How to lead a life as a gay? How come life like that? Why must I be gay of all things in life? Gays have no future. Just wait to die from AIDs one day. I thought finding true love from the opposite sex is bad enough. Same sex even worst and more challenging. Hear too many stories about gay relationships. Men are born to stray and so are gays. How should I prepare myself for the next 20 odd years before I leave this world?

After I read this posting - I concluded u are truly a failure in life.

Lao Zhi once said "I will never be shot by arrow, bite by tiger or die under a sword because I will not walk thee path"

Your life is walk by you, and choose by you - if u don't fxxk around how u die of AIDS? How you know all gay fxxk around just by reading newspaper and forums? Have u EVER consider if you married a wife whom can't give birth or ill treat your parents is that being more filial?

Life have lots of question marks and only you have the answer to your own problems.

In my eyes, you are not only a failure but you wasted a life which your parents bestow on you by not leading a happier life.

[Guest forest gump]

you do know they work with gimmicks to fool people like you?

& a willing one, mama.

[SnabbyNut]

There is nothing wrong being gay , n i would say gay people have the rights to be among the others which means straights, i mean look , we are all humans after all. We are created to learn from each other and not to discriminate each other, we learn from our experience although is thru the pain experience but still after long time you know what must be done to improve on your lives. To think of it , everyone only have ONE LIFETIME and i really mean one life time , why not do something meaningful , or learn something that can benefit yourself or others, why not spend a good time with friends and family and not going to suicide to think that all the problems are all solve which is not. It only makes things go worst. If you think you have let your parents down as being a gay , well i don't think so , cause in their hearts down below , they still love you, because you are their son. Who says gay have no future, i bet with you there are gay people out there are as successful as straights. but the moral of the story is to love yourself for who you are just like what other BW mention on their post.

[winterboy]

You did realise that the message you quoted is from 06 May 2010 right?

hahahahaha! talk bout throw face >.<

[Guest Depression]

I like to see chubby guy, when I was in secondary school, I have 1 chubby friend and I always try to find topic to chat with him, I even have fantasy to make love with him. I know It is gay but I just never accept it because I thought I could adjust myself when I meet a girl in future.

Until I saw a bear pxxn from China forum, my face turned red when I watch 2 fatty guys kissing each other, hugging naked... it guides me to know more about my own preference.

Then I met bfs, had fun, but I kept this secret and tell no one until now, sometime I feel quite depress because I am a gay, and always question why I am the one. And after few trials, found that there is no mutual commitment to hold a gay relationship, I am hopeless.

Somehow my career is also not well developed, makes me always think to suicide. I had some thoughts of it, like taking sleeping pills and covered with plastic bag, or jumping from high building, or jump into MRT railway, etc...

Ya, I am sick, mentally sick. it makes me cant fall to sleep, easy to get angry, high blood pressure, the world just covered with worry and blue, my eyes cant really see through far object (because thing looks blur in my eyes), I can feel my heart try to pump very hard.

Now taking medicine (Mirtazapine 30mg, from NUH) to adjust my emotion, I never knew emotion can be controlled by medicine also. So far it works for me to stay away from blueness. And this medicine is not cheap. I saw an article saying that when we feel blue, it probably lack of DHA, fish oil is a good source to provide DHA.

Anyone encounter the same problem? Mind to share where you get your medicine? (what type of medicine and price).Thanks.

[Guest imh]

I like to see chubby guy, when I was in secondary school, I have 1 chubby friend and I always try to find topic to chat with him, I even have fantasy to make love with him. I know It is gay but I just never accept it because I thought I could adjust myself when I meet a girl in future. Until I saw a bear pxxn from China forum, my face turned red when I watch 2 fatty guys kissing each other, hugging naked... it guides me to know more about my own preference. Then I met bfs, had fun, but I kept this secret and tell no one until now, sometime I feel quite depress because I am a gay, and always question why I am the one. And after few trials, found that there is no mutual commitment to hold a gay relationship, I am hopeless. Somehow my career is also not well developed, makes me always think to suicide. I had some thoughts of it, like taking sleeping pills and covered with plastic bag, or jumping from high building, or jump into MRT railway, etc... Ya, I am sick, mentally sick. it makes me cant fall to sleep, easy to get angry, high blood pressure, the world just covered with worry and blue, my eyes cant really see through far object (because thing looks blur in my eyes), I can feel my heart try to pump very hard. Now taking medicine (Mirtazapine 30mg, from NUH) to adjust my emotion, I never knew emotion can be controlled by medicine also. So far it works for me to stay away from blueness. And this medicine is not cheap. I saw an article saying that when we feel blue, it probably lack of DHA, fish oil is a good source to provide DHA. Anyone encounter the same problem? Mind to share where you get your medicine? (what type of medicine and price).Thanks.

Hi, try visiting this website.

http://www.imh.com.sg/

[Clickclock]

.

Edited September 20, 2011 by clickclock

[Foreign Talent]

Me too.. Felt lonely at times but life goes on... Life's not all abt relationships... There are straights who remained single all their lifes too.. But I guess it's harder for us to cope... Have many crushes too and can do nothing abt it...

Hi, okay I know you posted this ages ago but I'm answering you nonetheless because I think you've raised issues pertinent to many here.

1. There are plenty of straights who have either remained single or have tried and failed in their relationships. By that token, us gays are facing the same challenges as straights when it comes to finding love and making relationships work.

2. It's not as if straights have it any easier - okay, we have to deal with homophobia in society, but I look at my sister who's married and she has a mother-in-law from hell and a drunk alcoholic father-in-law who goes into drunken rages and has some horrific outbursts when he is totally drunk. That may be just one example of a married person who's not happy - but the bottom line is this: straight people have their fair share of troubles in their family life and relationships as well. The mistake some gays make is that whilst they focus so much on their own problems, they imagine that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence for straight people - but really, the grass isn't greener, it's just different and there's plenty of shit there as well.

3. Crushes and can't do anything about it? How is that different from straight people? I was best friends with a straight guy in JC and every other week he would come to me and say, "I am in love with Sharon/Michelle/Eleanor/Cindy/Vivian/Rachel/Maria/Lucia/Patricia/Dianna/insert girl's name" and did he once get any success with any of the girls? Most of the time, he didn't even have the balls to ask her out - he'll be like, "naaah but she will never like a guy like me." Once again, you're not different from straight men. You've just made the mistake again of imagining that the grass is greener on the other side of the fence.

Mate, the bottom line is that life ain't easy - not for gays, not for straight - not for anybody. But we make the best we can of it and it helps if we have good friends who will love, cherish and support us - so instead of dwelling on what is making you sad, please go out and make more friends who will make your life a better place. I know this may sound simplistic, but sometimes the most obvious solutions are the simplest ones. Good luck xxx

[Foreign Talent]

I like to see chubby guy, when I was in secondary school, I have 1 chubby friend and I always try to find topic to chat with him, I even have fantasy to make love with him. I know It is gay but I just never accept it because I thought I could adjust myself when I meet a girl in future.

Until I saw a bear pxxn from China forum, my face turned red when I watch 2 fatty guys kissing each other, hugging naked... it guides me to know more about my own preference.

Then I met bfs, had fun, but I kept this secret and tell no one until now, sometime I feel quite depress because I am a gay, and always question why I am the one. And after few trials, found that there is no mutual commitment to hold a gay relationship, I am hopeless.

Somehow my career is also not well developed, makes me always think to suicide. I had some thoughts of it, like taking sleeping pills and covered with plastic bag, or jumping from high building, or jump into MRT railway, etc...

Ya, I am sick, mentally sick. it makes me cant fall to sleep, easy to get angry, high blood pressure, the world just covered with worry and blue, my eyes cant really see through far object (because thing looks blur in my eyes), I can feel my heart try to pump very hard.

Now taking medicine (Mirtazapine 30mg, from NUH) to adjust my emotion, I never knew emotion can be controlled by medicine also. So far it works for me to stay away from blueness. And this medicine is not cheap. I saw an article saying that when we feel blue, it probably lack of DHA, fish oil is a good source to provide DHA.

Anyone encounter the same problem? Mind to share where you get your medicine? (what type of medicine and price).Thanks.

OK a few quick points for you before I get back to work.

1. Have a good look on the internet in case you've not already done so (I'm sure you have) - there's a huge gay bears community out there, so you're definitely not alone. You simply have to hook up with other like minded people my friend.

2. You're not the only person to struggle with relationships - perhaps you underestimate just how challenging and difficult relationships are. Nobody teaches us how to fall in love and build a relationship - we learn so much at school but does any of it cover human relations? You take lessons to drive a car, play the piano, learn a foreign language - and we're expected to figure out this thing called 'love' on our own? You are perhaps too harsh on yourself when you make mistakes in love.

3. If your career is not progressing, perhaps you should take it as a sign - change industries, take a long hard look at what you have done and compare that to what you'd like to do instead (and think back to your childhood - what were your ambitions then?) I speak as someone who has changed career paths a few times until I found myself in the right place to do what I want and am happy to talk to you about that topic if you like.

4. Sigh, anti-depressants do not solve anything - they only keep you in a state where you're less likely to experience extremes of emotions. It's like my sister who's on those medications as well - it's not solving anything. The reason why she is depressed is because of her husbands parents who are just freaking evil and hate her and they make life hell for her - she needs to either get a divorce or somehow make peace with her in-laws. Taking those pills is not going to solve anything, which is why I am telling you the same thing - the pills are not the answer. Fish oil is not the answer (come on, you know that, like taking cod liver oil is going to solve all your problems - yeah right).

You have already told us what is making you depressed: a) frustrations at finding love, b) frustrations at your career progression.

You need to act in a proactive, assertive manner to resolve both of those issues in order to stop feeling depressed and this may seem simplistic, but like I have said before, some of the most obvious answers are the most simple ones.