Picking Up The Pieces/ Finding The Will To Live

[Guest slinkYcaT]

I am soooooooo fxxked. Guess i screwed up real bad - screwed up big time in life. And i have only myself to be blamed for my predicament.

Things have happened - no point doing a woulda coulda shoulda but still, i can't helped but have this feeling of self-blame, worry, regrets and fear all rolled into one. So many what ifs running through my head : if only i have been saving since day one? if only i am not so reckless in my life? if only i didn't make the wrong choices in life?? If only, if only ....

Too little too late, i reckon - I made my bed, now i just gotta lie in it. And now that the time is frighteningly near, i am left to wonder and shudder - how long and how the hell am i gonna survive in the slammer? And after that - what's next ? Can i ever find a job? How the hell am i even gonna live???

I am not suicidal but somehow i lost all the will to live. Will i ever get out of this deep funk? Will i ever taste happiness ever again? Will i ever pick up the pieces again? Only time will tell and it would be a miracle if i emerge un-broken.

Guess things happened for a reason. Without a doubt, it's a wake up call to me. Never ever take a cavalier attitude towards life anymore. Now i am paying the price - albeit painfully.

I am sooooooooo fxxked, i guess.

xoxo.

[cock brand]

A very dramatic opening, but where is the beef???

[StockyMature]

A very dramatic opening, but where is the beef???

Yes agree! after so much hooha, please dont keep us in suspense, is time to bring out your Main Course!

[Roger]

I am soooooooo fxxked. Guess i screwed up real bad - screwed up big time in life. And i have only myself to be blamed for my predicament.

Things have happened - no point doing a woulda coulda shoulda but still, i can't helped but have this feeling of self-blame, worry, regrets and fear all rolled into one. So many what ifs running through my head : if only i have been saving since day one? if only i am not so reckless in my life? if only i didn't make the wrong choices in life?? If only, if only ....

Too little too late, i reckon - I made my bed, now i just gotta lie in it. And now that the time is frighteningly near, i am left to wonder and shudder - how long and how the hell am i gonna survive in the slammer? And after that - what's next ? Can i ever find a job? How the hell am i even gonna live???

I am not suicidal but somehow i lost all the will to live. Will i ever get out of this deep funk? Will i ever taste happiness ever again? Will i ever pick up the pieces again? Only time will tell and it would be a miracle if i emerge un-broken.

Guess things happened for a reason. Without a doubt, it's a wake up call to me. Never ever take a cavalier attitude towards life anymore. Now i am paying the price - albeit painfully.

I am sooooooooo fxxked, i guess.

xoxo.

Wah liao! i thought we are so invincible, how can be like tat.

so must eat humble pie sometime lor

Edited July 22, 2010 by Roger

[Guest Guest]

只闻楼梯响 不见人下来

存心吊人口味！ 不看也罢！

[Guest raylight]

I am soooooooo fxxked. Guess i screwed up real bad - screwed up big time in life. And i have only myself to be blamed for my predicament.

Things have happened - no point doing a woulda coulda shoulda but still, i can't helped but have this feeling of self-blame, worry, regrets and fear all rolled into one. So many what ifs running through my head : if only i have been saving since day one? if only i am not so reckless in my life? if only i didn't make the wrong choices in life?? If only, if only ....

Too little too late, i reckon - I made my bed, now i just gotta lie in it. And now that the time is frighteningly near, i am left to wonder and shudder - how long and how the hell am i gonna survive in the slammer? And after that - what's next ? Can i ever find a job? How the hell am i even gonna live???

I am not suicidal but somehow i lost all the will to live. Will i ever get out of this deep funk? Will i ever taste happiness ever again? Will i ever pick up the pieces again? Only time will tell and it would be a miracle if i emerge un-broken.

Guess things happened for a reason. Without a doubt, it's a wake up call to me. Never ever take a cavalier attitude towards life anymore. Now i am paying the price - albeit painfully.

I am sooooooooo fxxked, i guess.

xoxo.

I am sorry to hear that things went horribly wrong for you. But regretting and feeling depressed is not gonna solve your problem - it will only make you feel more negative towards life. Learn from your mistake, move forward and hopefully u become stronger and much better individual who treasure life more.

Life is like a rollercoaster - sometimes you are up, sometimes you are down. You may be down, but always tell yourself you are not out. Life's is gonna be tough for you i can imagine, but seriously you are still lucky. Other people are born handicapped; yet there are others who come from poor broken families. Just try to stay positive when you are inside, dun get into fights, and take up courses/skills to upgrade yourself. And i am sure there's early release for good behaviour right?

And don't worry too much about what gonna happen when you are released. There's the Yellow Ribbon Project that offer jobs to ex-offenders. All is not lost - you just have to work extra hard tat's all. Just take one day at a time. And good luck

[glider]

I am soooooooo fxxked. Guess i screwed up real bad - screwed up big time in life. And i have only myself to be blamed for my predicament.

Things have happened - no point doing a woulda coulda shoulda but still, i can't helped but have this feeling of self-blame, worry, regrets and fear all rolled into one. So many what ifs running through my head : if only i have been saving since day one? if only i am not so reckless in my life? if only i didn't make the wrong choices in life?? If only, if only ....

Too little too late, i reckon - I made my bed, now i just gotta lie in it. And now that the time is frighteningly near, i am left to wonder and shudder - how long and how the hell am i gonna survive in the slammer? And after that - what's next ? Can i ever find a job? How the hell am i even gonna live???

I am not suicidal but somehow i lost all the will to live. Will i ever get out of this deep funk? Will i ever taste happiness ever again? Will i ever pick up the pieces again? Only time will tell and it would be a miracle if i emerge un-broken.

Guess things happened for a reason. Without a doubt, it's a wake up call to me. Never ever take a cavalier attitude towards life anymore. Now i am paying the price - albeit painfully.

I am sooooooooo fxxked, i guess.

xoxo.

so what u godda do next?

things already happened and u can't unwind, mights well just look forward and put your life back in order, one piece at a time.

since there is nothing u can do about it now, may be just let the event unfold and take it on from there.

yes, u r right, things do happened for a reason, so what is the reason and what need to be learn?

[Guest slinkYcaT]

To glider and raylight - thank you ever so much for your kind words of encouragement. It helps somewhat. I know the path for me is gonna be doubly tough from now onwards, but as the saying goes, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. And i just hope i will pull this one through.

Just that as for now, life is full of regrets and redemption for me. I, who once lead such an aimless hedonistic lifestyle, is now experiencing life in a different spectrum. Whereas previously i had no qualms in spending money lavishly, now i have to think like 1000 times just to have a simple mcdonalds meal. Now, how ridiculous and sad is that? I am like the poster child of all good things gone horribly wrong.

Not only am i looking at possible lengthy incarceration, but also definite financial ruins. Double-whammy for me. Guess i have plenty of time to look back with regrets and anger while in the slammer.

If only i could turn back time .....

xoxo.

[Roger]

To glider and raylight - thank you ever so much for your kind words of encouragement. It helps somewhat. I know the path for me is gonna be doubly tough from now onwards, but as the saying goes, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. And i just hope i will pull this one through.

Just that as for now, life is full of regrets and redemption for me. I, who once lead such an aimless hedonistic lifestyle, is now experiencing life in a different spectrum. Whereas previously i had no qualms in spending money lavishly, now i have to think like 1000 times just to have a simple mcdonalds meal. Now, how ridiculous and sad is that? I am like the poster child of all good things gone horribly wrong.

Not only am i looking at possible lengthy incarceration, but also definite financial ruins. Double-whammy for me. Guess i have plenty of time to look back with regrets and anger while in the slammer.

If only i could turn back time .....

xoxo.

Wah! Rich Poster Boy,

Dear, dear, just what has gone wrong that makes it so painful for you, did someone cheated you?

Why don't you fascinate us by telling your wonderful story, maybe we can all group up and beat-up the bad guy.

Life has its up and down, there is always LIGHT at the end of the tunnel. The Rainbow is not that far away, charm.

[Guest guest]

To glider and raylight - thank you ever so much for your kind words of encouragement. It helps somewhat. I know the path for me is gonna be doubly tough from now onwards, but as the saying goes, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. And i just hope i will pull this one through.

Just that as for now, life is full of regrets and redemption for me. I, who once lead such an aimless hedonistic lifestyle, is now experiencing life in a different spectrum. Whereas previously i had no qualms in spending money lavishly, now i have to think like 1000 times just to have a simple mcdonalds meal. Now, how ridiculous and sad is that? I am like the poster child of all good things gone horribly wrong.

Not only am i looking at possible lengthy incarceration, but also definite financial ruins. Double-whammy for me. Guess i have plenty of time to look back with regrets and anger while in the slammer.

If only i could turn back time .....

xoxo.

Can't afford a simple a Mcdonald's meal? Well, just look at the bright side. You can still afford to pay your internet fee, and drown us with your dramas.

[Guest slinkYcaT]

Can't afford a simple a Mcdonald's meal? Well, just look at the bright side. You can still afford to pay your internet fee, and drown us with your dramas.

To guest ( who ever you are )- if i annoys you, i apologise. But seriously, unless you are going through what i am going through right now, you will never understand. I am not here to seek anyone's validation or sympathy, but rather i see it as therapeutic way of arriving at my own closure.

You totally misconstrued me. I didn't say that i can't afford a simple Mcdonalds meal - just that i m not trigger-happy when it comes to spending. I guess if you can't be compassionate, the least you can do is not being judgemental or worst, condescending.

xoxo.

[fab]

May I say that your chief concern is about getting a job?

Have u considered running your own biz or doing capital-less jobs such as property or insurance job?

May peace be with u.

[Guest Football Fan]

Sound like someone who had lost heavily and in great debts with all the wrong bettings in the World Cup.

You are not alone, there are hundreds of thousands out there with the same problem!

[Guest slinkYcaT]

May I say that your chief concern is about getting a job?

Have u considered running your own biz or doing capital-less jobs such as property or insurance job?

May peace be with u.

Thank you ever so much for your kind suggestion fab. But honestly, my concern goes beyond getting a job even. You see, my life is in total shambles right now - with multi-faceted problems that run the gamut of financial as well as emotional.

I made the biggest mistake of my life - i ran afoul of the law and will be incarcerated, most probably for a lengthy period of time. Not realising that my court case will be dragged for months , I quit my previous job in a hot panic and was in a limbo and depressed for about month. Meanwhile what ever little money i have ( i have never saved - much to my regret) is slowly depleted.

I have no life to speak of. Currently i am doing two part time jobs just to pay my bills. I have terminated my gym membership, and my social life is almost non-existent now. I opt to greatly reduce spending time with my frds cos i feel lousy every time they pay for my meals. And i don't even think of sex anymore!

I bought my hdb house a couple of years ago - now i am left to worry as to how am i gonna service my hdb loans while i am in the slammer. With no income and ever decreasing cpf balance left, the only option is to rent out the whole house, and let my aged mum live with my sis ( she's currently living with me - the prodigal son).

And like i posted earlier on, i really don't know if i can ever survive in the slammer. Life is gonna be so tough for me - losing my independence is one thing, but having to worry about my future and looking back in regrets is another. Once you have a record, it's hard to gain employment - and that's one thing that i am painfully aware of.

Que sera que sera. I am slated to go for my hearing next week and whatever the outcome, i just have to be brave. Definitely i will cry knowing that i have thrown my life away. And if this is gonna be my demise, then so be it.

I made my bed, i just gotta lie in it. No other option really - i just have to man up.

xoxo.

[Guest Nivea]

Hey Slinkycat, are you still around in BW? Hope you are getting on well.

Keep us updated please. All the best to you.

[delon]

Yes, the 26 Jul 2010 post is so sad. It's coming to 2 years soon n I hope he's fine now.