How To Make More Gay Friends? - Newbie Gays "how To" Guide (Compiled)

[SeannyShortcake]

You'll need someone experienced to guide you along.

[craze]

You'll need someone experienced to guide you along.

like you

[Slimguy18]

Thanks seanny.. where to find one? Its also my first time here. Just saw this site while browsing for bath house places..

[tic-toc]

try starting by putting your photo in your profile.

[Guest stbrianud]

Just read this forum. Lol

[Slimguy18]

Craze: is it? Seanny is experienced? Cmon guys show me the gay world.. lolz.. i dun even know the gay acronyms like plu, gwm etc... hahaha

[Gray]

When I first turned 20 years old and decided to explore the gay world, I was clueless as well. I took the first step out by joining a gay sports interest group. Then a gay youth support group. And then got to know more people and my current boyfriend as well. I would say that the way I started is a good way for any youth to be initiated into the gay community. Go check out Oogachaga, YOH, SGrainbow, etc to find out more.

[Slayen]

Make friends, and once you make friends, you realize that everyone is linked to one another. I learnt that from a friend. hahahahaha

[Slimguy18]

try starting by putting your photo in your profile.

Like i said im even new here, where to edit my profile? Cant seem to find it.. im on mobile now. Or maybe i edit on my laptop?

[Slimguy18]

When I first turned 20 years old and decided to explore the gay world, I was clueless as well. I took the first step out by joining a gay sports interest group. Then a gay youth support group. And then got to know more people and my current boyfriend as well. I would say that the way I started is a good way for any youth to be initiated into the gay community. Go check out Oogachaga, YOH, SGrainbow, etc to find out more.

Thanks! Will do..

[SeannyShortcake]

Yup.

Everything starts from this forum.

Just keep reading.

[XiaoMessy]

Just read this forum. Lol

Start by joining people who organise outings. There're plenty. (:

[Slimguy18]

Start by joining people who organise outings. There're plenty. (:

Thanks. Will do. I will find threads on meeting new friends and join outings.

[darkflame]

And so I wonder. Has TS found a good social circle to hang out with?

 

It must be since this thread has been quiet. 

[whduckie]

I will be 40 this year, seems like my life is more than half gone. All these while, I have been deeply closeted. My secret object of desires are mostly straight guys with disastrous consequences. Right now I am yet again spiraling down another straight man infatuation for 5 years. The unreciprocated affection has caused me much distress over the years. My weight have ballooned to 80 kg and my health is suffering.

Early this Chinese New Year, I realize I can't continue like this. So I set out on a change in lifestyle. The results are not fantastic but I am getting results. I have lost 9 kg and is 3 kg away from my ideal weight. Picked up kite flying as a hobby and been playing during weekends.

I am still deeply in love with my straight colleague, I have told myself countless not to but if it was only that simple. I was thinking of meeting up with more outside friends, but really at a loss where to start. Jack'd mostly are looking for hook ups, and I am not the clubbing sort.

I have been alone most of my life, since I was not able to really tell anyone about myself. I don't really mind being alone, but my other colleague once told me, I need to put in effort in finding someone. I am not desperately seeking, but it will be nice to have some friends to talk to.

[Guest Guest]

Dun be silly or stupid (yes im crude) to fall in love with str8 guys, it will never work out. There are tons of gay guys out there, alot will look even better than ur str8 counterparts at 40. Your life has been revolving around str8 ppl, time to really go and find gay friends and experience gay life and put the 'straight (closet) life' behind!!

[7heaven]

No point in falling for str8 guys. Control what you can. Start mixing out with more aj friends and try to form a close group. Who knows what might happen.

Looking on the bright side, whduckie don't mind being alone, which is good. I know of ppl who fear being alone.

Perhaps, you may want to spend more time with your parents?  

[gymrat]

to meet more gay friends, just go gay pubs, disco, grindr more often

[yoyo74]

I am same age as you. Been loving and dating a straight guy for more than 10 years until he finally wants to gets married. His decision also cause me to made up my mind to let go of him and break out of my closet. Its only a few years ago that this happened and luckily i dont age as fast as others and still managed to get my first BF last year. Its better to step out of the closet asap or you risk living alone for the rest of your live.

[Steve5380]

I will be 40 this year, seems like my life is more than half gone. All these while, I have been deeply closeted. My secret object of desires are mostly straight guys with disastrous consequences. Right now I am yet again spiraling down another straight man infatuation for 5 years. The unreciprocated affection has caused me much distress over the years. My weight have ballooned to 80 kg and my health is suffering.

Early this Chinese New Year, I realize I can't continue like this. So I set out on a change in lifestyle. The results are not fantastic but I am getting results. I have lost 9 kg and is 3 kg away from my ideal weight. Picked up kite flying as a hobby and been playing during weekends.

I am still deeply in love with my straight colleague, I have told myself countless not to but if it was only that simple. I was thinking of meeting up with more outside friends, but really at a loss where to start. Jack'd mostly are looking for hook ups, and I am not the clubbing sort.

I have been alone most of my life, since I was not able to really tell anyone about myself. I don't really mind being alone, but my other colleague once told me, I need to put in effort in finding someone. I am not desperately seeking, but it will be nice to have some friends to talk to.

 

You have received some good advice about not falling in love with straight guys. (would you not give the same advice to a girl who wants to fall in love with you?) There is a good percentage of good-looking men who are manly, but gay.   Sexual orientation and attitude don't necessarily have to match in traditional ways.  So you can find guys you will fall in love with who are not straight.  The issue is to get in contact with them.

 

You don't mind to be alone.  Hopefully this means that you don't have a group of friends, members of a church, family members, which whom  you have to be in good grace and have fears of being dumped by them if they find out you are gay.  As a fully adult person at 40 you have the perfect right to live your life in the way you choose and you consider to be morally acceptable.  If you still have some doubts about the morality of a gay lifestyle,  you will overcome this doubt when you meet gays who are in no way morally inferior to straights. 

 

If you feel pressured by your love for your family who could suffer if they find out you are gay,  remember that it is also their karma to have a gay member of the family and this is an opportunity for them to totally accept you, or learn to do it,  for the sake of your happiness.  In particular if your parents would be desolated if you don't give them grandchildren,  that would be very selfish on their part and they would have to overcome that.

 

Then there is the issue of your work, or whatever activity you make a living with.  The effect of being known as gay varies very much with the environment at a place of work.  So vary the consequences of being found out, of coming out, of staying in the closet.  

 

The age of 40 is a good time to reconsider our values, when we have still half our life in front of us. If you have spent the first half in a closet, you have given more than enough consideration to other people, and you can justly give now consideration to yourself.  You, your feelings, your happiness, should come to the top of the priority list.  This does NOT necessarily mean a vociferous "coming out".  Your sexual orientation is nobody's business.  It is sufficient to NOT CONCERN YOURSELF with the acceptance by others of the lifestyle you want to pursue,  if you can maintain a decent standard of living regardless of their acceptance.

 

In a small place like Singapore it is perhaps more difficult to keep a gay lifestyle private.  Yet you can frequent gay places like bars, discos and even saunas with little risk, even with 377A.  If your interest is gay sex,  to frequent gay saunas is NOT a character flaw and you will find people like you, people who also have high values among many who don't,  and it is not a bad place to make acquaintances too.  A typical negative concern about going to a sauna is "what if there I meet my colleague so-and-so from work?";  well... that may be his problem too and he may stay quiet about the encounter, but if he is a flamboyant queen and tells everybody, one simply and shamelessly claims that he is flat out lying.

 

Finally, if you cannot escape a feeling of oppression in Singapore,  the Island is just a spot on the map of a very large world with many places that offer gays the acceptance we are all entitled to.

Edited March 23, 2014 by Steve5380

[darkflame]

I will be 40 this year, seems like my life is more than half gone. All these while, I have been deeply closeted. My secret object of desires are mostly straight guys with disastrous consequences. Right now I am yet again spiraling down another straight man infatuation for 5 years. The unreciprocated affection has caused me much distress over the years. My weight have ballooned to 80 kg and my health is suffering.

Early this Chinese New Year, I realize I can't continue like this. So I set out on a change in lifestyle. The results are not fantastic but I am getting results. I have lost 9 kg and is 3 kg away from my ideal weight. Picked up kite flying as a hobby and been playing during weekends.

I am still deeply in love with my straight colleague, I have told myself countless not to but if it was only that simple. I was thinking of meeting up with more outside friends, but really at a loss where to start. Jack'd mostly are looking for hook ups, and I am not the clubbing sort.

I have been alone most of my life, since I was not able to really tell anyone about myself. I don't really mind being alone, but my other colleague once told me, I need to put in effort in finding someone. I am not desperately seeking, but it will be nice to have some friends to talk to.

 

Attend some workshops/events by some of the LGBT organisations. You can find them here too.

You can also check out events on the BW calendar where there are some gatherings organised informally.

To sound more positive about clubbing, not everyone who goes there are super addicts. 

Some may just be there for the first time or once in a blue moon. You can also meet someone who isn't into this scene but happened to be there only for that single time.

 

Same goes for the saunas. Not everyone is also a frequent visitor too.

Some people become best of friends despite their first encounter being a sexual one.

[bluesky69]

*Hugs* whduckie

 

Let me first congrat u on your big first step towards taking control of your own life - your choice to change your lifestyle. Continue to work on it and your target will be reality soon.

 

Since you are into kite flying, start socializing from there - always good to start in an environment you feel comfortable. One person at a time, one smile at a time, one 'hello' at a time, etc You will be making progress before you know it.

 

I read in a self-help book that if something keeps happening to you, it's because nature wants you to learn something. I want to believe things happen for a reason.

 

Jia you!

[GachiMuchi]

I will be 40 this year, seems like my life is more than half gone. All these while, I have been deeply closeted. My secret object of desires are mostly straight guys with disastrous consequences. Right now I am yet again spiraling down another straight man infatuation for 5 years. The unreciprocated affection has caused me much distress over the years. My weight have ballooned to 80 kg and my health is suffering.

Early this Chinese New Year, I realize I can't continue like this. So I set out on a change in lifestyle. The results are not fantastic but I am getting results. I have lost 9 kg and is 3 kg away from my ideal weight. Picked up kite flying as a hobby and been playing during weekends.

I am still deeply in love with my straight colleague, I have told myself countless not to but if it was only that simple. I was thinking of meeting up with more outside friends, but really at a loss where to start. Jack'd mostly are looking for hook ups, and I am not the clubbing sort.

I have been alone most of my life, since I was not able to really tell anyone about myself. I don't really mind being alone, but my other colleague once told me, I need to put in effort in finding someone. I am not desperately seeking, but it will be nice to have some friends to talk to.

 

Here is the sobering truth:

1. you are not getting younger

2. you health and looks are going..going..and maybe gone.

3. you are still single and going to be a 40 year old virgin.

4. you had never fall in love

 

You don't mind being single? Are you sure? If you don't mind, then why are you pouring out your woes here?

 

I am not trying to be mean, but I have to let you know that the choice/s you had made, made you who you are today.  No good, no bad. Just that you are paying for the poor choices of not facing and accepting yourself as a gay man.

 

Fear had kept you well hidden in the closet and fear had crippled you; to live the life you want; to fall in love and most importantly; to enjoy the happiness and pain of love and relationship.

 

Its all up to you, really. To continue to live an unhappy miserable life or a life of solitude or a fabulous life with lots of infinite possibilities.

 

Your choice.

 

Just in case I forgot, Happy 40th Birthday Virgin Boy!

Edited March 24, 2014 by GachiMuchi

[Steve5380]

 

I am not trying to be mean, but I have to let you know that the choice/s you had made, made you who you are today.  No good, no bad. Just that you are paying for the poor choices of not facing and accepting yourself as a gay man.

 

Fear had kept you well hidden in the closet and fear had crippled you; to live the life you want; to fall in love and most importantly; to enjoy the happiness and pain of love and relationship.

 

Its all up to you, really. To continue to live an unhappy miserable life or a life of solitude or a fabulous life with lots of infinite possibilities.

 

 

It's a pleasure to hear from such a perfect being as you are.

 

Most of us have to make choices without the benefit of clairvoyance so we cannot know the outcome of our choices in advance.  And many of our "choices" are not choices at all.  So... is there a Universal Moral Rule that we should have to PAY for our "choices"?

 

Many of us haven't kept in a closet out of FEAR.  Other reasons are important, like consideration, love, convenience.   

 

You must be living in a wonderful world where options are so clearly defined: "unhappy miserable life",  "life of solitude", "fabulous life with lots of infinite possibilities". If  real life could be so simple, we all would choose the latter.   I also want a fabulous life with infinite possibilities, and at least 72 virgin boys.

[GachiMuchi]

It's a pleasure to hear from such a perfect being as you are.

 

Most of us have to make choices without the benefit of clairvoyance so we cannot know the outcome of our choices in advance.  And many of our "choices" are not choices at all.  So... is there a Universal Moral Rule that we should have to PAY for our "choices"?

 

Many of us haven't kept in a closet out of FEAR.  Other reasons are important, like consideration, love, convenience.   

 

You must be living in a wonderful world where options are so clearly defined: "unhappy miserable life",  "life of solitude", "fabulous life with lots of infinite possibilities". If  real life could be so simple, we all would choose the latter.   I also want a fabulous life with infinite possibilities, and at least 72 virgin boys.

 

Steve,

 

The reply is directed to TS (see quotes). 

 

Please don't divert from the discussion because it's not about you and also not about me.

 

Life is simple, it's people that makes it complicated.

 

Now back to the topic discussed.

[Steve5380]

 

Steve,

 

The reply is directed to TS (see quotes). 

 

Please don't divert from the discussion because it's not about you and also not about me.

 

Life is simple, it's people that makes it complicated.

 

Now back to the topic discussed.

 

Isn't any reply in a public thread of BW directed to the whole readership?  Otherwise, it's better to send a private message.  

Don't worry, both of our posts are well within the topic, which is about the ills of staying (or having to stay) "in the closet"  and what to do about it.

 

While you seem to come down hard on the TS,  I rather empathize with him and think that he should be encouraged to look forward to a happy life, well within his reach, and not dwell on the miseries of the past.  It is especially important for him not to blame himself. 

 

Unless we are asleep or in a coma, our lives are very complex.  But there is good in this, because every life is a mixture of heaven and hell,  and with the right attitude we can focus on the heaven and forget about the hell.  Except in extreme cases  (and being in the closet is not one of them)  we can find happiness regardless of circumstances.

 

So I take the liberty to rewrite your "sobering truths" to the TS  with a different perspective.   Both yours and mine are valid, so please don't feel I am criticizing you

 

Here is the sobering truth (my version):

1. you are not getting younger... but you still have half of your life ahead, with which you can make up for whatever you missed in the first half.

2. you health and looks are going..going..and maybe gone...  but only if you let it happen or do nothing about it.  At 50 you can have a healthy attractive body  if you dedicate the next 10 years to achieve it, and it can be much more rewarding than having great looks and health in youth but a lack of appreciation of them, typical of youth.

3. you are still single and going to be a 40 year old virgin...  but it is never late.  So many gays start out a hot sex life in their teens and by 40 are completely worn out and wasted. Latecomers can do a much smarter resource allocation for sex and emotions. 

4. you had never fall in love...  Hahaha, for a reason it is "fall" in love.  You have not fallen, and you haven't hurt yourself.  With a little more maturity at 40,  you have a better chance to experience love without the FALL, or at least, not such a hurtful one.  

[whduckie]

Thanks for all the replies, I humbly accept all the responses. To GM I am aware of what you mention.

Sorry I have been out of touch with the forum for a while.

Unfortunately, there isn't much change in my life: work pretty much took up a lot of my time now. The company has reorged and I have a lot more responsibilities now.

I lost a total of 15 kgs and is feeling a lot better nowadays. At least I can pass my 2.4 now...

Nonetheless, my 'issue' with my straight colleagues is still there. I really don't see any way I can get out of this unless he goes back to his country.

I just purchased a resale flat and currently vexing over the Reno.

Last but not least, my birthday is round the corner.

[G_M]

Hi guys my name is Roy, I am a newbie and 19 yo this yr.

I just want to make more gay friends because all the ppl around me are straights. I am a bi and bottom btw

Hello Roy,

Please note the rule of engagement in the forum.

Do that again in the Main forum and I will slap you with a warning point.

Enough said.

[Run]

By that I mean how did you come to be in the circle of gay friends that you're currently in. On this forum? At work? School? Pink Dot? Clubs? Trevvy? Where do you personally think is the best place to make plu friends? Cause I'm obviously not the clubber type and find it very hard to meet new people with similar interests. You could say I'm more mellow in my personality. Nerd with a sense of humor and adventure? Yea that's about right...

 

First post babes..

[EasleyLim]

Look for IG in the forum.

Interest > sexual orientation

[smileyman]

If you don't like clubs then don't go searching for clubs cos people inside probably like to club that's why they are there..

[Friendly]

i met a few and became good friends with them from here and Keybox sauna. My 4 years bf i also met in Keybox one.Good luck.. if you like we can also be friends PM me. 

[Guest Handsome Guy]

I met my handsome bf in keybox too we've been together 5 years already

[leo yok loo]

On the street, shopping malls,swimming pools, internet, u name it.

[Guest I am Cumming]

Don't look, it comes. Look, it won't come.  

[Ergonova1991]

Hmmm

[Guest Guest]

Shopping malls, food courts, restaurents, public toilets, hairdresser's, supermarkets, hospitals, clinics, schools.

All except work place. Unless you bith are super straight acting, or don't mind people knowing, gossiping, etc.

[Momopolare]

Here goes...

Blowing wind's main chat > friends of friends > jack'd > friends of friends > ... 

The cycle continues.

[MotherCat]

impossible for me

i m not gay

i m not str8

i m not young

i m not rich

i m not educated

i m not amoral

 

but i am

authentic

talented

intelligent in an ethical sense

beautiful

 

these do not bode well in the kali yug.

[Guest FatherCat]

impossible for me

i m not gay

i m not str8

i m not young

i m not rich

i m not educated

i m not amoral

but i am

authentic

talented

intelligent in an ethical sense

beautiful

these do not bode well in the kali yug.

But u are mothercat!

[pathseeker]

But u are mothercat!

And you are Fathercat...loll

[MotherCat]

don't feed the trolls

 

friendship is like any other ship. some sail now some sail later.

some ships pass in the night. some are small and live in bottles.

friends love you when u r popular

and don't know you when u r poor

friends want to be with you when other people are around you

and leave you alone when you are alone

 

but a real friend

lies inside you

or in your teddy bear

 

who does not judge u according to some fucked up social standard 

(actually a standard based on the red meme viz Spiral Dynamics, go look it up, its got a wiki)

be at green meme to yourself

at least be at green if you cannot be 2nd tiered

Edited January 15, 2015 by MotherCat

[james28]

I have known n met many pple over the years mainly from online. Many just stop contact after a while ie I know them indiv but no clique. Feel it'd easier to maintain if there's a usual group. Though I am attached I feel friends r still important

[MotherCat]

best if u all rent the same apartment or one across from the other group, and go to the same coffee place together, and the coffee place got your regular couch and nobody u guys get to use it... hmm IOW, it works best if u happen to be the cast of FRIENDS

[BigEars]

i think making friends in the circle is pretty hard. Mostly just speak a while...and then move on

[charvo87]

Making friends is just as always difficult. Everyone has their own motives, goals and things they sees that they'll gain from you, thus the friendship. In chines we say, 患难见真情 or 日旧见人心。

[Allegro]

social apps is probably the fastest way for closeted people like me since you can choose to show your pictures. the two most popular are grindr and jackd.

grindr - mainly mature older men and foreigners. most only want fun.

jackd - mostly men in 20's and 30's. quite popular with the younger crowd but be prepared to be ignored mostly unless u have a cute face hot bod and instagram.

[aladmire]

Those apps are only for sex though. What about gay friends without sex? Especially gay friends of another race without sex. If I'[m able to make straight friends why are gay friends so hard?

[MotherCat]

think lesbians make friends easily? I don t know, I am asking...

[Guest Guest]

jackd - mostly men in 20's and 30's. quite popular with the younger crowd but be prepared to be ignored mostly unless u have a cute face hot bod and instagram.

 

why need instagram?