3 Things Gay People Are Going To Hate About Gay Marriage

[mamemo]

http://www.cracked.com/blog/3-things-gay-people-are-going-to-hate-about-gay-marriage/?fb_ref=like&fb_source=home_oneline

Interesting perspective.

[derryfawne]

Haha, I'm a fan of Cracked. Good stuff.

I don't really buy point 2, though. I understand the thrill of a forbidden love, but legalised or not, I don't think gays nowadays get that kind of 'forbidden love' gratification from having regular gay sex. Or I might be wrong, I dunno.

[gaycurious85]

Haha, I'm a fan of Cracked. Good stuff.

I don't really buy point 2, though. I understand the thrill of a forbidden love, but legalised or not, I don't think gays nowadays get that kind of 'forbidden love' gratification from having regular gay sex. Or I might be wrong, I dunno.

you sure a fan of cracked? that guy sure is a jerk. the whole article keep mocking gay ppl. saying gays are low class workers, have sex like no tmr, sinners ect... being fat girls' best friends, advertise lame straight ppl how to hip... wtf

there's a line between telling the truth and insulting. He passed the line way too obviously. what a jerk.

derryfawne, I really judge you for supporting that guy. Do you have brain?

his whole article is meaningless. what's the point of it? he only uses it to insult gays and still ppl think he's smart.

yes marriage means commitment, yes marriage mean less hot sex, but it's not his business. 2 gays in love with each other want to get married, it's their business, who the fxxk he is to lecture. Straight ppl have the same "Fears" about marriage too, but they still get married, dont they?

Getting married is a choice, and everyone (gay or straight) should have the right the make that choice.

[gaycurious85]

he is the biggest jerk I've ever read.

the more i read, the more angry i get. this jerk sure insult gays to the fullest. and with no valid points. this BASTARD HYPCRITE ruined my morning mood. but he's not worth it. he's not smart, he just had a poisoned tongue and poisoned mind, maybe a poisoned dick too.

Dear gay people,

Much to the chagrin of the "moral majority" and the "religious right," it seems gay marriage may soon become a reality in my home state of New York. At the time of writing, we await a razor-thin vote in the State Senate that could make us the sixth state in the union to recognize your right to marry. And even if the upcoming bill fails, the tide is clearly turning in the favor of gays just like you.

Who's to say why? Maybe we're just tired of spouting off about you burning in hell for your sins when so many of you sinners are our brothers and sisters, sons and daughters, and clergymen. I mean, there sure are a lot of you out there, and all that finger-pointing and vilifying hasn't made you guys like girls any more, or you girls like Melissa Etheridge any less. And even though I keep hearing that the gay lifestyle is a nonstop hedonistic, immoral sinfest, for some weird reason you hedonist, immoral, sinners just keep wanting to get married to the people you love.

The thrill-a-minute, sexually extreme road to Hell.

And good for you. But even if fewer straight people are filled with hatred and fear of gays, I'm not sure gays are filled with the appropriate level of hatred and fear of marriage. And since everyone at Cracked says I'm probably great at filling gays, I thought I'd impart a few tips.

So listen up. Before you get all excited about equal protection under the law and freedom; before you start rejoicing about being allowed to visit your partner of 40 years in the hospital because you're now considered part of the immediate family; before you start disco dancing about your possessions passing to your spouse as a matter of law upon your death; before you start body-waxing in delight that the state recognizes your love as, just that, love, there are some things you ought to know:

#3.

Once Marriage is Legal You Won't Have an Excuse Not to Commit

I don't care if you're straight or you're gay, in every relationship there's always one partner who wants to commit first. Through the centuries men have had to push off their girlfriends' attempts to get them to settle down. "Oh, now's not a good time, babe. When we're more financially secure. When we can go three weeks without fighting. When I'm sure I can't get someone hotter." (Actually, straight dudes usually leave that last one out.)

But you guys have it made. "Sorry, baby. You know I love you. I'd marry you in a second, but, y'know, my hands are tied. Damn government!" Perfect. You give your airtight justification, then you have hot gay sex and head off to work at the hair salon or the poetry factory or wherever you gay people work and have more hot deviant sex with your coworkers in the bathroom. It's awesome. I mean, don't get me wrong. Of course, we heterosexuals absolutely value the sanctity of marriage. I mean that's why adultery is almost completely unheard of in the straight community. But you guys! Damn, you have a "get out of marriage free" card. You can pretend to really want to marry your partner, but, then -- and this is the point that I'm not sure I've stressed enough -- totally not marry them. And it's OK. Have you overlooked this somehow? Look, I know filing joint taxes is awesome and everything, but are you sure you've thought this through?

"This will never work. I am so totally set."

#2.

Once You Get Married, Your Sex Won't Be Hot Anymore

Man, you guys don't know how good you have it! Your love is still illegal in some places. There are people who want to murder you because they find your sexuality physically disgusting and morally repugnant. Homosexuality has been associated with secret sex in closets and clandestine locations all for fear of being detected and with dire consequences. Do you know what that means? Gay sex is incredibly hot.

Do you realize straight dudes have to fxxk their secretaries on their desk while their boss is just outside their door and their wife is on hold just to approach one tenth of that level of hot forbidden lust? Do you realize what you're giving up? Do you understand how many boring heterosexuals would just love to come home from work being able to say, "Damn, it feels good to be a Sodomite! Imma put on my leather chaps and bang some dude I just met." Or, hell, even if you're not into that freaky stuff. Even if you've been dating the same guy for years, you can get home from the office and say, "Honey, let's break some laws ... WITH OUR COCKS!"

"Sigh. I wish my erection had to the power to break laws while engaged in consensual sex."

But if gay marriage is legal? Wow, talk about erection poison. Picture it. You come home from a hard day of choreographing a Broadway show. Your boyfriend is in the kitchen cooking something gay, and you greet him with a kiss. (Totally legal!) Maybe you embrace. Then talk about your day. Maybe you two even make it to bed. Next thing you know, you're making love. State-sanctioned, love-based sex between two consensual adults who care deeply for each other. YAWN. I mean, fxxk. If you were gonna do that, you might as well have married some chick. I know you don't dig women sexually, but married people don't have sex anyway so y'know, it's not like we're asking very much of you.

#1.

Gay Marriage Will Destroy The Gay Job Market

Now I might not know a lot about gay people, but TV has taught me enough to realize what gays are good at: being fat girls' best friends; advising lame straight people how to be hip; and interior decorating. In fact, the latest completely manufactured statistics say that these three jobs account for 90 percent of the gay economy.

Admittedly, I'm still gathering support for my lesbian statistics:

But answer me this: are you willing to give up your jobs for marriage? I know, I know, I can hear you now: "But Gladstone, can't I marry the love of my life and still be a personal stylist?" To which I say, "No, of course not, you silly gay person!" (I'm sorry, I don't know your first name.) Who the hell would trust a married person to tell them what's hip? The whole point of getting married is letting yourself go and not giving a crap about what you eat or how you dress. We straight people know that being gay is a 24/7 life of making sure you have washboard abs and no trace of body hair. That's what we love about you. Your dedication to being so much cooler than us. Do you really want to throw all that away? You're our sexy, fit, sarcastic drama queens we use in small doses for comic relief and well-reasoned wardrobe choices. Why would you want to lose all that just to be a real person with full rights under the law?

And what about being BFFs with fat girls? I mean, I don't pretend to understand the economics of how that job pays (do you guys use our currency or do you just like barter in rhinestones and Streisand records) but I'm sure it must be very profitable. I mean, why else would so many of you do it?Do you think your husband is going to wait for you at home after he's slaved all day preparing you a dinner of seared tofu and flirtinis while you're off telling your gal pal that she just needs to find a man who appreciates how pretty her face is? It ain't happening.

"Well, did you tell her it's what's on the inside that counts? And that still didn't work? OK. See you in a few more hours. No problem."

And an interior decorator? What do married people know about cool apartments? I'm married. We care about functionality. The coolest thing in my house is an ottoman with a top that lifts up so you can store magazines in it. Once you get married, you'll be out of touch with all those cool interesting people that hold designer drug parties in abandoned factories in the meat packing district. "Oh, Julian, when you're done snorting that "Krunkel 9," you absolutely must check out these petrified wolf penises from Alaska! They make absolutely divine centerpieces." Yeah, those days are over, Julian. (Julian? Is that your name? I'm just going by what the wolf penis chick said). But yeah, no more of that. Weekends will be filled with trips to Costco to buy toilet paper in bulk and those 40 slice cheese sampler platters you both like.

Face it: your days of being cool outsiders with unique perspectives are over. You're gonna be just like the rest of us now. Boring and domesticated, and probably without any reality TV characters to claim as your own. Sure, some of you may have already been living with your spouses for five or 60 years; you may have dedicated your lives to the care and love of one other person; or even raised a family, but you were still badasses on the outside of decent society. And now it seems, due to your short-sighted persistence, we're finally letting you in. Well, I hope you're happy.

Edited June 24, 2011 by gaycurious85

[briax]

he is the biggest jerk I've ever read.

the more i read, the more angry i get. this jerk sure insult gays to the fullest. and with no valid points. this BASTARD HYPCRITE ruined my morning mood. but he's not worth it. he's not smart, he just had a poisoned tongue and poisoned mind, maybe a poisoned dick too.

well, you take these people too seriously, you are robbed of your precious days on Earth. The Internet has completed many wannabes' dreams to be noticed, famous and be paid for. And to draw attention to your site two things: pxxn or TRASH.

[derryfawne]

you sure a fan of cracked? that guy sure is a jerk. the whole article keep mocking gay ppl. saying gays are low class workers, have sex like no tmr, sinners ect... being fat girls' best friends, advertise lame straight ppl how to hip... wtf

there's a line between telling the truth and insulting. He passed the line way too obviously. what a jerk.

derryfawne, I really judge you for supporting that guy. Do you have brain?

his whole article is meaningless. what's the point of it? he only uses it to insult gays and still ppl think he's smart.

yes marriage means commitment, yes marriage mean less hot sex, but it's not his business. 2 gays in love with each other want to get married, it's their business, who the fxxk he is to lecture. Straight ppl have the same "Fears" about marriage too, but they still get married, dont they?

Getting married is a choice, and everyone (gay or straight) should have the right the make that choice.

First thing first, I said I'm a fan of Cracked; I didn't say that I'm a fan of the guy, or the article for that matter.

Secondly, the author of the article didn't even pull a stance on his position regarding gay marriage. For all we know, he may have 100 reasons for the support of gay marriage, but bringing them out in that particular article is just irrelevant. When someone posts a 'Top 3 Things I Hate About Facebook', for example, it doesn't mean he's against Facebook. It probably means there are minor side issues that he'd like to see fixed on Facebook.

Lastly, don't take the site too seriously when it's obviously done as a satirical joke.

[gaycurious85]

First thing first, I said I'm a fan of Cracked; I didn't say that I'm a fan of the guy, or the article for that matter.

Secondly, the author of the article didn't even pull a stance on his position regarding gay marriage. For all we know, he may have 100 reasons for the support of gay marriage, but bringing them out in that particular article is just irrelevant. When someone posts a 'Top 3 Things I Hate About Facebook', for example, it doesn't mean he's against Facebook. It probably means there are minor side issues that he'd like to see fixed on Facebook.

Lastly, don't take the site too seriously when it's obviously done as a satirical joke.

LOL, you still think he's nice. Pls read the article again. You think the message of his article is to support gay people and gay marriage?

this prick makes me sick and you make me sad.

I never want to draw a line between gays and straights, but I have to draw lines against hypocrites and bastards like these.

Well, I'm not bothered by this piece of shit anymore. A person, whether gay or straight, need to be smart and kind to be respected by others. Enough said.

[derryfawne]

You don't understand the concept of satire, that is.

You're obviously taking the website more seriously than you should.

Save your empathy. Get a good rest.

[Guest jayy]

Geez, some people here are straight as arrows (or are they..? snigger)

That was an entertaining read to say the least. Had a good laugh

[Guest guest]

as kumar said, marriage is made in heaven. so is thunder and lightning.

[doncoin]

Looks like gay marriage is passed and approved in New York State:

New York governor signs law approving gay marriage

By Dan Wiessner

1 hr 36 mins ago

ALBANY, New York (Reuters) – Governor Andrew Cuomo made same-sex marriages legal in New York on Friday, a key victory for gay rights ahead of the 2012 presidential and congressional elections.

New York will become the sixth and most populous U.S. state to allow gay marriage. State senators voted 33-29 on Friday evening to approve marriage equality legislation and Cuomo, a Democrat who had introduced the measure, signed it into law.

"This vote today will send a message across the country. This is the way to go, the time to do it is now, and it is achievable; it's no longer a dream or an aspiration. I think you're going to see a rapid evolution," Cuomo, who is in his first year of office, told a news conference.

"We reached a new level of social justice," he said.

Same-sex weddings can start taking place in New York in 30 days, though religious institutions and nonprofit groups with religious affiliations will not be compelled to officiate at such ceremonies. The legislation also gives gay couples the right to divorce.

"I have to define doing the right thing as treating all persons with equality and that equality includes within the definition of marriage," Republican Senator Stephen Saland said before the bill was passed. He was one of four Republicans to vote for the legislation.

Cheers erupted in the Senate gallery in the state capital Albany and among a crowd of several hundred people who gathered outside New York City's Stonewall Inn, where a police raid in 1969 sparked the modern gay rights movement.

"It's about time. I want to get married. I want the same rights as anyone else," Caroline Jaeger, 36, a student, who was outside the Stonewall Inn.

But New York's Catholic bishops said they were "deeply disappointed and troubled" by the passage of the bill.

"We always treat our homosexual brothers and sisters with respect, dignity and love. But we just as strongly affirm that marriage is the joining of one man and one woman," the state's Catholic Conference said in a statement.

New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg, an advocate for gay marriage who lobbied state lawmakers in recent weeks, said the vote was an "historic triumph for equality and freedom."

"Together, we have taken the next big step on our national journey toward a more perfect union," he said in a statement.

ELECTION ISSUE

President Barack Obama, who attended a fund-raiser in New York on Thursday for Gay Pride Week, has a nuanced stance on gay issues. Experts say he could risk alienating large portions of the electorate if he came out strongly in favor of such matters as gay marriage before the 2012 elections.

During the 2008 election, Obama picked up important support from Evangelicals, Catholics, Latinos and African-Americans, some of whom oppose gay marriage, which has become a contentious social issue being fought state-by-state.

In California a judge last year overturned a ban on gay marriage, but no weddings can take place while the decision is being appealed. It could set national policy if the case reaches the U.S. Supreme Court.

Connecticut, Iowa, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, Vermont and the District of Columbia allow same-sex marriage, and Delaware, Hawaii, Illinois and New Jersey approved civil unions. The first legal same-sex marriages in the United States took place in Massachusetts in 2004.

But gay marriage is banned in 39 states.

In New York a recent Siena poll found 58 percent of New Yorkers support gay marriage, while nationally the U.S. public is nearly evenly split, with 45 percent in favor and 46 percent opposed, according to a Pew Research poll released last month.

New York City's marketing and tourism group NYC & Company said it was gearing up to turn the city into "the gay weddings destination." "The new legislation is good news for the City's $31 billion travel and tourism industry," said NYC & Company Chief Executive George Fertitta.

New York's Democrat-dominated Assembly voted 80-63 in favor of gay marriage last week and passed the amended legislation on Friday 82-47.

A key sticking point had been over an exemption that would allow religious officials to refuse to perform services or lend space for same-sex weddings. Most Republicans were concerned the legal protection was not strong enough, so legislative leaders worked with Cuomo to amend his original bill.

"God, not Albany, settled the definition of marriage a long time ago," said Senator Ruben Diaz Sr., a Pentecostal minister and the only Democrat to vote against the measure.

However, fears of a slew of litigation arising from a possible religious exemption to New York's proposed same-sex marriage law are not borne out by experience with similar laws in other states, legal experts say.

(Additional reporting by Phil Wahba, writing by Michelle Nichols, editing by Anthony Boadle and Philip Barbara)