How To Come Out To My Parents That I Am Gay?

[Guest JJMel]

Hi

so as you guys should know, i'm gay.

but my parents don't know that. but once in p5 and sec 1, i had exhibited gay tendencies to my classmates and when my parents found out they tried to counsel me about it and talk me off it. but obviously it didn't work.,..

yesterday during the ndp, my mum saw many guys holding hands, and i made an innocent remark that they're gay. for the next 45 minutes after the ndp finished, she talked to me about how being gay is wrong.

so i just wanted to ask how i should approach my parents, and tell them that i'm gay?? cos they won't really take it that well i'm assuming. but i really have to tell them, cos if i get a boyfriend or something without telling them, they'll be more angry. so how do i break the ice about this?? need help!!

thanks guys

[stars]

Hi

so as you guys should know, i'm gay.

but my parents don't know that. but once in p5 and sec 1, i had exhibited gay tendencies to my classmates and when my parents found out they tried to counsel me about it and talk me off it. but obviously it didn't work.,..

yesterday during the ndp, my mum saw many guys holding hands, and i made an innocent remark that they're gay. for the next 45 minutes after the ndp finished, she talked to me about how being gay is wrong.

so i just wanted to ask how i should approach my parents, and tell them that i'm gay?? cos they won't really take it that well i'm assuming. but i really have to tell them, cos if i get a boyfriend or something without telling them, they'll be more angry. so how do i break the ice about this?? need help!!

thanks guys

You don't need to tell them right now. Maybe you should just...wait awhile.

[darkflame]

Usually this depends on the individual whether they can finally accept the truth.

My view is if you're still schooling, try to keep your dating under wraps.

My family is very homophobic so my approach is to wait until I have a stable job before I can safely put my stand down that they won't be getting a daughter-in-law.

[Guest Ironrod]

U should wait, telling them bring no benefits plus u don't even any sexual experience yet.

I didn't think of "sex" until after NS thus my study life and NS was blissfully peaceful becos I don't have "lust" or "certain awareness". I think the problem with young ppl these days they rush to fall in love, rush to have sex and by the time when they reach 30s they say they are "jaded".

In life there is a time for everything - and now it's not the right time to come out to your parents unless necessary.

[deceptiveeyes.deceivingminds]

No single approach works for everyone and you need to be clear about the following:

1. For what reasons do you need your parents to know about your sexual orientation?

- It is difficult for most parents, I would think, to be able to understand and to accept their child as gay and for all you know, it could even cause a lot of heated blame-arguments to erupt between your father and mother. Is the reason pressing enough for you to break it to them asap or it wouldn't matter if you just continue with "Never ask never tell"?

2. Timing is the crux of the issue

Sometimes, honesty doesn't work all the times especially it seems in this case, your mother is adamant that gays are wrong and likely to possess rather skewed impressions of how gays are so you need to work your way slowly with your parents or finding that opportune time to break it to them. A good example would be when they are talking about some bitter divorce happening to relatives or friends ..you could gingerly slip in a sly remark "I'm glad I'm not going to face such an ordeal" or "You certainly don't have to worry about me on this issue". Dropping hints may be useful but don't drag too long whereby it's causing more distress than good.

3. Are you prepared for the consequences?

You don't need to prepare for the good ones but you need to be absolutely sure that you can handle the situation when the worst happens. Consequences vary from family to family and only you have a good idea what could happen for your own family if they were to know of your sexual orientation. Most importantly, are you fully prepared to face it?

It is good to keep your dates under wrap if you are not financially independent yet and if you are a young chap, I would strongly encourage you to give your family/parents and yourself time to grow. When you are older, you will be able to handle the situation much better.

And don't get me wrong that you have to break it to them when you become financially independent..I'm not asking you to run away from your responsibility towards your parents but if the worst were to happen, you could still afford to move out but I would hope anyone who's faced with such a situation, never to stop caring for your parents and family and do continue to support them even if you are not able to live with them.

They may not be able to understand or accept you but it does not mean they don't love you any more... you just need to give them time and space to digest.

Good luck JJMel!

[Guest Curiousnazrul]

U should wait, telling them bring no benefits plus u don't even any sexual experience yet.

I didn't think of "sex" until after NS thus my study life and NS was blissfully peaceful becos I don't have "lust" or "certain awareness". I think the problem with young ppl these days they rush to fall in love, rush to have sex and by the time when they reach 30s they say they are "jaded".

In life there is a time for everything - and now it's not the right time to come out to your parents unless necessary.

My experience was like yours and yeah, I am in agreement with your comments. It's sad but the reality is, majority of the gays get jaded early and when that happens, all they have left is sex. That's why you get lots of horny asses on Grindr asking for sex. Haha.

@TS: Wai till you are older and much more mature. There's no need to rush into making a decision now. Enjoy your youth and when you are really certain of yourself and when you have someone you really love and want your family to share in your joy, tell them. Rushing into making such a decision will most definitely result in a desultory outcome.

[qedcwc]

I dun intend to tell my mum about it, for she had told me not to get involved in homosexual r/s.

But what she further told me had a catch, she told me not to get involved in any r/s at all unless i'm financially stable n able to provide for someone else.

[thick.white]

I agonised for several years over telling my parents. Just after I turned 30 I sat them down and said that I had something serious to talk about and told them. My Mum's reaction was that she said she already knew and had known since I was 3 years old. My Dad's reaction was that now its out in the open there'll be no more need to talk about it again! I have to say that since then my relationship with my Dad is better than it ever was before then. I think he respected that I had the guts to stand up and say who I am. Anyway, that's my story.......

Please don't say that I don't know what its like because I'm not from an Asian family. I am from a very old fashioned family in a small village and my Dad's family are native Australians (Aborigines) with all of that guilt the British invaders gave them piled on top of the repression of their identity. So it was probably harder for me than it would be for most of you. But I had the guts to stand up and be me and be proud of being me!

[janth]

JJMel, do you really have to tell them? If there's a voice in you telling you you should confess to your parents, is it necessary? I'm relatively new to this circle, having come out to myself in Jan. I came out to my sister in April. She was alright with it. My parents, on the other hand, are very conservative people, typical of most Asian parents. I did mention to my mum once I would never get married. My reason to her wasn't that I was bi, but because I didn't want to support anyone else financially other than my parents in their old age. She did ask if I was gay, but I told her no. I do know for a fact my parents are both homophobic, and I would avoid touching on that issue as far as possible.

I'm not encouraging dishonesty, but perhaps a different approach would be more viable in the case of conservative parents. I do want to support my parents in their old age, I do want to enjoy my life when I age. Definitely, marriage is not an option for me. Maybe I would settle down with a man or woman, but I would not get married. Perhaps if you need an explanation for not getting married, you could consider bringing up the point that you want to be financially independent. This is a realistic cause, and should not be met with disapproval from most parents.

[DonkeyKong]

TS, maybe you can leave tell-tale signs of your orientation in your room. Things like magazines and posters, at least when it's time to tell them, they will half-expect the truth.

[Guest Ironrod]

JJMel, do you really have to tell them? If there's a voice in you telling you you should confess to your parents, is it necessary? I'm relatively new to this circle, having come out to myself in Jan. I came out to my sister in April. She was alright with it. My parents, on the other hand, are very conservative people, typical of most Asian parents. I did mention to my mum once I would never get married. My reason to her wasn't that I was bi, but because I didn't want to support anyone else financially other than my parents in their old age. She did ask if I was gay, but I told her no. I do know for a fact my parents are both homophobic, and I would avoid touching on that issue as far as possible.

I'm not encouraging dishonesty, but perhaps a different approach would be more viable in the case of conservative parents. I do want to support my parents in their old age, I do want to enjoy my life when I age. Definitely, marriage is not an option for me. Maybe I would settle down with a man or woman, but I would not get married. Perhaps if you need an explanation for not getting married, you could consider bringing up the point that you want to be financially independent. This is a realistic cause, and should not be met with disapproval from most parents.

Ahaha I use to think like u until.....i realize some guys also need support lol

So don't just think u being gay means your money is all safe ahahah some will cheat your body and money BOTH!

Open eyes and LOOK properly k? lol

[alien]

Tell my parents i am gay? Dun think it wll happen and it will remain a secret forever.

[Tor]

My parents are homophobes. Telling them that I'm gay would be earth-shaking news to them.

[XiaoMessy]

Just tell them.

Their first reaction: shocked(unless they have already suspected you hehe)

Then comes their councilling session. Probably few hours.

Probably there's the drama part.

Then everything's back to normal.

[happy.99]

Open a private room invite them for a good dinner and then after desert, drop the H bomb.

[ifightbeasts]

Oh man, im dreading the day i have to tell my parents

[happy.99]

what is the reason of telling your parents? perhaps you can list them down. then think thru if it is necessary? because your parents may not be able to accept it, it they can't, don't you think it will disrupt your family harmony? dun you think it is better that your family is in harmony than in turmoil? unless your parents are very open then it will be okay. there are other subtle way of telling them. i know of a friend who always bring a guy home during weekend. the mother ask the sister, the sister ask mum to ignore them. the sister knew about it.

[Phil]

Open a private room invite them for a good dinner and then after desert, drop the H bomb.

:thumb: :thumb: :thumb:

[fab]

U dont need to tell them, I m sure they already know.

They just pretend not to know.

[leo yok loo]

As parents,especially the mother, she have that kind of 6-sense that can make her realised that something is not right about her son. You need not tell them, they will know sooner or later. This is the time when the earth shakes. (my experience). But dont worry, when it comes, it comes.

[KayJae]

hmm u could tell them when u think they trust that u know what ur doing. then u can get emotional with them about ur stress being gay. then u need to educate them about homosexuality.

there will be drama and tears of course but after that it should turn normal again after afew weeks

[leo yok loo]

Agree. Of course, this is life. What can they do? Being gay is not a sickness, is nature.

[Marineboy]

JJMel

There is really no rush in outing yourself(as adviced by many here) especially since your mom voiced her opinion.

However i think you really feel the urge to get it off your chest....well in that sense i felt it too.

As for me my folks would be even more stunned....since i am in the BBC era( Born Before Computers) what more my folks!

As i accepted who i am...found my dear one...we spoke and discussed issues from time to time.

Then i remember my sis telling me about so n so AJ....i felt since she freely spoke about it without adverse remarks...ahHah i will start with her,

As i guessed right...she took it well ....seemed surprised but ok about it. Asked me about my other half etc etc

Then she said...no need to tell the others especially the folks...i kinda agreed with her thoughts but it was a load off my chest.

If my frens ask..i will certainly tell since they wanted to know...ready to unfren anyone should the need be.

Enjoy yourself.. mix around and when you find your love and perhaps financially more stable...it would be a good time to slowly out yourself.

By then you will indeed be prepared for the worse scenerio...everything else will be bonus.

Meanwhile be the son your folks will be proud to have...shower them with love and more,

When the time comes...they won't want to lose you and will certainly respect your choice in life.Besides you would now be independent too.

[fab]

Alternatively u may like to tell your parents, 鍾意就好，理佢男定女 .