Taking Precautions

[Adam]

A Malaysian who works here, but returns to JB daily, whom I met once before (my friend brought him to my place and we had a 3P), is coming alone to my place this evening to spend the night.

It had been so long that I had someone over to spend the night. So what kind of precautions should I be taking? No, I am not referring to condoms.

I mean what safety or security precautions should I be taking?

Btw, he is very attractive (my version of attractive - 37 years old, straight acting and looking, chunky and has a huge tool that I rate as one of the top three I have come across) and he is not my friend's bf. My friend, who is attached, introduced him to me and knew he is coming over tonight and he gave me his blessings.

Many thanks in advance from an old man.

[Guest Ironrod]

TS, u are asking abt precautions like

1) Putting 999 on your fastdial

2) Keep all your valuables hidden

3) Ask a friend to call you in the morning to ensure you are not being stab to death

Do you meant this kind of precautions??

For god sake , next time communicate with a person more and build some trust b4 inviting him to stay over blah.

[Friendly]

Hey Adam..

Cannot agreed more with Ironrod.. Not only lock up your valuables but important things like your Singapore Passport. I have heard of friends being tricked by many Malaysian Man.. This is an opportunity to have a long talk to him to find out more about him,his back ground,his family ect...

For me if a person tells me that he is independent,have a job is usually sincere about the friendship.. But if he start to tell me about his money problem,motocycle problem that needs to re pair,family need money ect... then i would be more wary..You are a big boy do take good care of yourself and hope your new friend is truly a sincere one and there is a happy ending in this.. cheers.

[Guest guest]

Hi Adam,

Not that i am expert but jus a word of cautious, it's hard to know if the guy coming over has a hidden agenda. However, do be very careful of these foreign worker. You could easily be blackmailed in anyway..He has nothing to lose if he wants to stir up something. But you will lose big if anything happen.

Basically, these ppl working over here, their main problem is housing..though he travels in and out..that's mainly because of the costly rental over here. So i heard stories like, after meeting their target, they would like to move in to stay etc..

Sorry, I am not implying that all would end up this way. But it is always good to be aware. Play safe too.

[Chub71]

Adam, uncertainty is often what you inner voice is telling you that you should act otherwise. If you already feel unsafe, then apologize to him and let him know you are not comfortable with him staying over after considering your last decision. Get to know him better first...its a good safe practice.

[briax]

Apart from keeping your stuff away and locked them, I think one of the other thing you can do is get your friend, who already know he is coming over, to call you at specific timing. That way, should anything nasty happen to you, someone will know what to do.

I think this is something you want to do whenever you have anyone over, regardless of nationality.

[briax]

Adam, uncertainty is often what you inner voice is telling you that you should act otherwise. If you already feel unsafe, then apologize to him and let him know you are not comfortable with him staying over after considering your last decision. Get to know him better first...its a good safe practice.

I agree. What you can also do is go to sauna or a hotel, which is a neutral place. It is also easier for you to leave or ask him to leave if things do not go well. That also reduce any possibility of you guys arguing over missing items. Until you are very certain or familiar with him, then you can offer again for him to come over.

[IkuTube]

I am not too sure where to begin but it does show, thus far from the many replies, that fear attracts fear here.

With respect, what is your normal dominant thought? Is it always consumed with fear and inclined towards negativity? Going by (F)alse (E)xperiences (A)ppearing ®eal, it could just be your normal reaction to guard your safety.

However, I do believe in the 'higher' voice too. If, and should, this feeling is not your normal reaction, here your higher self is guiding/telling you something. In this case, re-evaluate your intent. Question here, did you invite him over or was it his self-invite to stay over?

Perhaps, you are just having butterflies since (as you mentioned) "It had been so long that I had someone over to spend the night". Your subconscious mind redirects its energy where your comfort zone has been violated.

Only you, and your other friend, know the answer. Ironically, your friend actually gave you "his blessings". Err, does not that make you feel that thing should be ok?

[Adam]

Thanks for all the replies people, I really appreciate it. :thumb:

First of all, I invited him to stay over because he would not need to go back to JB late in the night and then have to come back to Singapore again early the next morning.

I am a fairly good observer of people and from the first impression, he is quite stable and safe. Having said that, I will lock up my valuables and passport. I will be with him almost all the time when he is here. The only time we might be separated is when I uses the bathroom.

I don't go to local saunas. They would probably not admit an old man like me. Might frighten their customers away.

Why my place and not a hotel? Cause he works nearby and we are fairly close to the causeway.

Just learnt from my friend he actually called him to come over as well. But my friend told him he is busy and could not do so. The truth of the matter is he is more interested in my friend than me. I am quite sure of that and I am comfortable with it. I do not expect more. Tonight will be purely physical (if anything happens) with lots of friendly conversation. I am a good listener.

Thanks again for all the kind advice. Would try to update (let you know I am still alive) when he is asleep and when he leaves tomorrow.

You all have a good weekend.

Edited September 23, 2011 by Adam

[IkuTube]

You will have a good evening only when you want it to happen, Adam. While it is always important for us to 'take precaution', sometimes over-doing it can be detrimental.

You are a sensible guy. As you said "I do not expect more", henceforth just enjoy the moment. Do not over calculate the "if-s". However, I just would like to highlight this - say, you or me, got an invitation but our stay is being watched? Hehe, do you get the drift?

You have a good evening, Adam. Be in the moment.

[Guest Guest]

Very cheem, but I finally see adults returning and sharing at Blowing Wind :thumb:

[Adam]

I am safe. Had great sex. Malaysian is sleeping on my bed snoring away. Will update tomorrow morning. Good night.

[Adam]

Just return from having breakfast with him.

Turned out Ikutube is right. Fear often breeds fear. Turned out, MM (Malaysian Man) is a quiet sensitive guy who had problems with female relationships. He had three, all leading to marriage but all eventually not successful. Poor chap had never stayed overnight with a man before.

Early this morning, he woke me in bed with up with a bear hug from the back with his little brother feeling like a heat seeking missile. We had fun again and then he had to get ready for work.

Bottom line is I got worried for nothing but with appreciative thanks to people here, I felt it was better to be safe than sorry.

I don't know where this is all leading. Last night was more like a meeting of two lonely souls. There is no right or wrong how we conduct a relationship. I satisfied his physical urges and he satisfied my longing for a man's close intimate companionship. This morning, we departed not knowing whether we will ever see each other again.

I wish MM well and hope he will eventually find a woman to build a life with.

Good weekend everyone and again thanks for the advice and concerns.

[IkuTube]

It is the dismissal of such good feeling that leaves one with regrets. Everything happens, and I want to believe it, for GOOD reason. Pick up from 'that joyous moment' you two had shared yesterday. Explore it. Expand it. There is nothing to lose since you two had engaged in good conversation and err "great sex" and more sex this morning :whistle:

I hope as you look back at all those unwarranted anxieties and tasking yourself to 'take precautions', you could laugh at your own idiosyncrasy. :yuk:

It seems to me that the two of you are sensitive lonely guys and caught in the toils of despair (well, who doesn't). But the twist of event had your comfort found and trust is all that's left. The thing is this, Adam, we are all fickle and confused individuals. We desire for things and yet we tell ourselves that desire is bad. And so, we play the matyr role.

Let today be your revelation; that you have learned about your fear. And, hopefully more.

"I don't know where this is all leading" - truth is, we all know. It is just our refusal to accept the consciousness of synchronicity for fear of failure. I feel that you should take charge and be proactive. Thing is, there is a strong connection between the two of you and it saddens me if nothing is being done about it.

LOL, have more of "I invited him to stay over because he would not need to go back to JB late in the night and then have to come back to Singapore again early the next morning". It is this compassion that will lay the path for something good in future.

Err, do I hear that you have already missing him? :twisted:

You have a great weekend too, Adam. Oh, maybe I should end it with a quote - "Sunset doesn’t know you, won’t wait for you, or care if you’re late."