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Accepting Myself


eldar

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Hello guys!

I am wondering if any of you used Oogachaga Email Counselling Services before. I filled up their CARE Online Counselling Form 4 Days ago but they have not gotten back to me. :( Their website recommended this forum and it is quite active so I thought it might be a good place to ask for some help and support. There is nobody in my social circle I can seriously talk to about this issue because they are very Homophobic so it is very depressing.

I've been doing some soul searching and realised that I am strongly attracted (physically and emotionally) to males. Being 23 makes me somewhat a young adult and very soon the topic of girlfriend, marriage and family will be hitting me. Rather then being caught unprepared, I would want to start off by understanding and possibly accepting myself. Girls have expressed interest in me before but I have never been able to bring myself to accept them because I am afraid I will break their heart. Something deep down (perhaps the guilt of indulging in Homosexual pxxn or instincts) tells me it is absolutely inappropriate and disgusting. There are many tell-tale signs (But I will not share) that indicate I am Gay but its extremely difficult to accept this in a largely conservative and possibly homophobic society.

Although building a good career is important in my Prime, I don't want to squander it without knowing how to Love another. I am not terribly good at relationships so I would like to find out how you guys go about accepting yourself and leading a emotionally satisfied life.

Thanks!

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You got to recognize that homosexuality is not unnatural and therefore nothing to be ashamed about. More importantly, recognized that we are not defined solely by our sexual orientation.

The choices you make, the things you hold dear, your raison d'être... those are the things that makes you who you are, gay or otherwise. Once you realized that, being a homo almost seem irrelevant to yourself and other people. That's how I see things and that's how I plan to convince my F&F if they don't react well to my coming out :)

 

 

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I absolutely agree with EasleyLim. Like you, I've come to terms with my sexuality only this year and I'm 24. Strictly speaking, whichever gender I am physically and emotionally attracted to shall no way determine what kind of person I am.

You dun need to feel unnatural, being gay is a natural thing that. Just be yourself. Coming to this forum helps, I've gotten to know some truly decent chaps here and they are just like another nice person or nice friend you have known in your everyday life.

Point is, your priority will definitely shift as time goes by. Before I attend college, I always aim to be in the dean list, get a good job etc. Basically, the typical dream of chasing wealth. However, I'm now much more interested to seek meaning in my life. To date a nice man, make more gay friends, play more sports, exercise more, be more healthy and spend more time with my friends and family. To put things into perspective, I'm on scholarship so obviously everybody expects me to be at the top of the cohort. But nevertheless, I'm only studying my degree for a greater aim in life which grades absolutely does not matter. See, people CHANGE. Steve Jobs say you can't connect the dots looking forward, but you can only connect them backwards. Spend more time knowing what makes you happy than postulating hazy future goals.

My mum recently hinted to me that I need to get a girlfriend and I told her I'll never get married. Well, in the heterosexual sense though. I know I will eventually wanna be married, or be in a civil union with my monogamous gay partner in the future.

Your first step is to know more gay friends or start talking to your close friends whom are liberal. I find it really rehabilitative. I spoke to a guy friend recently about my sexuality and remembered using phrases like "I'm gay, I like guys etc" for umpteen times. The more I talk about it, the more comfortable I got.

The male friend I confided in told me this he heard from Kumar the stand-up comedian/dragqueen when he watched his show.

"Whatever you do, just make sure you are happy. There is always a solution to every problem in life."

You got to accept who you are before you can be truly find happiness!

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Being gay doesn't make you non-human. ^^

If you're scared, afraid, don't know what to do, just take the first step and learn, accept, know. :D

Soon, you'll fit in properly. ^_^

How to seek revenge 101: Know him. Befriend him. Make him trust you wholeheartedly. Destroy him. Utterly.

By typing this I fear no one's gonna friend me. :c

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I had the same problem as you, Eldar, without having anyone to talk to about my homosexuality at the start. Ever since joining this forum, I have found that there are a lot of people like us who are willing to offer their support and love unconditionally, even though we may not know each other well. Honestly, I find that our community is really full of great people and eventually, all your concerns and fear about being gay in Singapore may be eased by the strong support that we have. We may be a conservative nation but I think things are slowly shaping up as more awareness is being raised about homosexuality. We are perfectly normal people, just like everyone else around us; we are who we are and I think it is not shameful being gay. Daunting it may be, I believe you will be able to find the strength to step out and just be yourself. I think you have already made the first step in recognising who you are and it is a matter of time before you find solace and acceptance. It is still a homophobic country but I think we should first accept ourselves for who we are in order to persuade others to accept us. All the best to you! I have faith that you can do it!

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have faith and love yourself and family first and foremost. I think the biggest hurdle is still to gain acceptance from your closest.My father did not accept me but I still love him despite the abusive

turn. Learn to forgive yourself and learn to forgive the others who may or choose not to understand your choice.There will be sad moments but never give up and be honest to yourself.

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I read this poem sometime back by this young guy called CJ Curtis and i clearly relate to it.. Just to share with and perhaps encourage you :) so here it goes...

I once loved one man, he took my only heart

and right there in front of me, he ripped it apart

I know he didn't mean to, and the fault is mine to blame

but the guilt and pain remains all the same

but now I understand, why he ran away

now I understand why he didn't stay

he was afraid to love, and afraid to take a chance

he was afraid to leave and make another stance

he was afraid to make his mark on societies wall

he was afraid to take a leap, as he could fall

he would have rather stayed inside that rotting jail

he rather stay with society, even though I paid bail

he made his mind and stayed with society

even though he had his chance to be free

so now as I sit outside societies dream

I linger like a nightmare, making people scream

they say its just a phase, that I'll get over it soon

they say its a disease, like the werewolf and the moon

but deep down in my heart, I know it isn't so

because I have to be strong, so I can show

people like the one man who threw me in a bin

that no matter how hard they try, we will never give in!

cause what's the point of hurting us? so we can feel bad?

so we can understand what its like to be sad?

well we already know just how it feels

cause it is so hard for us to reveal

that we like the same sex, and who really gives a damn?

goes in the end we all still go all cold and clam

so who cares if I'm gay! I am proud to be

because in my world I take it as a victory

that I can make a choice and stand from the rest

be an individual and try my best

and kids at school may laugh at me and call nasty names

but you know what? it doesn't matter it's all a game!

cause later on in life they will suddenly see

that the reason I was gay, was because it was me

so go on a call out names and raise your heads so high

but remember who I am, just before you die

remember that I was strong and managed to pull through

and remember that if I can do it, then so can you

so today I stand and say that I am proud to be gay

and if I had a choice... I'd have it no other way!

Edited by cvbv1987
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What I feel is that you got to learn to accept yourself for who you really are even before you come to worry about what your family, friends or the society would think about you.

Like what EaseleyLim has so wisely pointed out, it is neither unnatural nor something to be ashamed of. I believe that ignorance results in fear, so its really good to find out more about yourself. Coming out will never be easy for any and the hardest would have to be coming out to yourself. Embrace yourself for who you are for one is not determined just by his/her sexuality as there are many other things that contribute to who you are.

Be brave!

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Indeed it is tough having to accept the fact that you are different from the majority, and that if people know that you are aj, they will look at you from a different perspective.

nevertheless, you are the one who is leading your own life. not any others except yourself. i was like you before, having to hide my identity and conceal myself when im with my friends and relatives. yet, it doesnt mean that you are an aj and you cant live as happy as others. in fact some ajs are living much happier lives as compared to straight couples, just that we aint aware of it. so be strong!

accept what we are. and we can definitely be as happy and in fact happier than others when you have found the right one and settle down with him. =D

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  • 3 weeks later...
  • 5 years later...

The older I get the more I see the advantages of being gay.

 

Of course we owe it to ourselves to accept what we are. We should recognize that the negatives of being gay are mostly artificial, and then we can make the best out of it.

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