Aj Nowadays..........

[Guest Sigh87]

Sigh . Why is it so hard to find a nice people to really talk to ?

Is it me or i am the only one who realise that AJ now adays are quite snobbish ad unfriendly ?

[iamziz]

There are nice people out there among the unfriendly ones. Perhaps you have not met them yet. I guess when 2 persons do not lay down criteria in being nice, no agendas and no expectations they open up the door of being friendly.

[Guest Sigh87]

Do you mind explaining much further ? Please .

[Guest stbrianud]

I'm nice! Imziz is nice too! Min is ncie! Wight is ncie! I'm the nicesttt HAHA jkjk.. most of us are friendly:D

[Retadin]

and im not nice. by reputation apparently

[Guest Sigh87]

U sure most ? ): i seen quite a few unfriendly at Trevvy website .. Hur hur . Well from what i can see bw is much friendlier than trevvy .

[crazyfreak]

it is all dependant on where and what you are searching for and whether it matchings with the opposite party's search and desires...

[TannedKE]

I am NICE ! Most of the time haha

[SeannyShortcake]

I'm nice depending on how you get around to know me.

I bite at times

[iamziz]

Everywhere you go, we are bound to meet not so nice people whatever their sexual orientation is. Often in meeting someone or wanting to be someone's friend, we set some rules such as his looks, age, race etc. True friendship doesn't work that way. We should not allow those unfriendly people to intimidate us with their behaviours and saying. Often those behaving badly are insecure. Don't dismiss the idea they might turn around one day to be nice people.

[Guest Sigh87]

Well. I just joined this circle say 2 days ago ? I went trevvy (not IRC ) and hoping to find friends . via the messaging platform so i usually left a message to them .

Eg jack last online 29/08/2012

The message i sent is 28/08/2012

I mean like obviously he don't wanna reply la , quite a few lehs ):

Why can't 直接reject me than ignoring , which is so rude

Well anw my name is Adrian (:

[Guest Sigh87]

Everywhere you go, we are bound to meet not so nice people whatever their sexual orientation is. Often in meeting someone or wanting to be someone's friend, we set some rules such as his looks, age, race etc. True friendship doesn't work that way. We should not allow those unfriendly people to intimidate us with their behaviours and saying. Often those behaving badly are insecure. Don't dismiss the idea they might turn around one day to be nice people.

YA . You're dam right ! " Often in meeting someone or wanting to be someone's friend, we set some rules such as his looks, age, race etc. True friendship doesn't work that way "

Thanks to you . I restore my faith in humanity.

[Guest ongwsjackson]

There is some truth to that. Especially in the scene.

I remember I was invited to parties only because I was relevant, not because I'm close to the host. And fortunately I was able to get attention constantly.

It's what I call the gay social ladder.

To end it off, an online friend (my age) once chided, "You've only grown to become humble because you know now that you're older your market value has dropped." And yes, as much shame it is, it's true. But I'd really appreciate him for giving me that slap on the face. Life of a twink.

Edit: Oh yeah in case any of my gay friends see this. As much as I've said this, I still do love you all individually. Sincerely

Edited January 1, 2016 by jacksonongws

[derryfawne]

There are indeed unfriendly people or nice people with hidden agenda in this circle.

But there are some genuine people who can make good friends too.

Anyway, I do find that sometimes it's easy to get frustrated because there are many people who are desperate and really pushes it. Perhaps this annoyance partly prompts people to be unfriendly too.

[Guest Sigh87]

There is some truth to that. Especially in the scene.

I remember i was invited to parties only because i was relevant, not because i'm close to the host. And fortunately i was able to get attention constantly.

It's what i call the gay social ladder.

To end it off, an online friend (my age) once chided, "You've only grown to become humble because you know now that you're older your market value has dropped." And yes, as much shame it is, it's true. But i'd really appreciate he gave me that 'slap' on the face. Life of a twink.

EDIT: Ohyeah in case any of my gay friends see this. As much as i've said this, i still do love you all individually. Sincerely

Wow. That was a really tight slap in the face .............................

[Blacque]

Well. I just joined this circle say 2 days ago ? I went trevvy (not IRC ) and hoping to find friends . via the messaging platform so i usually left a message to them .

Eg jack last online 29/08/2012

The message i sent is 28/08/2012

I mean like obviously he don't wanna reply la , quite a few lehs ):

Why can't 直接reject me than ignoring , which is so rude

Well anw my name is Adrian (:

Did you even give him anything to reject in the first place?

[Guest Sigh87]

There are indeed unfriendly people or nice people with hidden agenda in this circle.

But there are some genuine people who can make good friends too.

Anyway, I do find that sometimes it's easy to get frustrated because there are many people who are desperate and really pushes it. Perhaps this annoyance partly prompts people to be unfriendly too.

Hur hur .

Not really want to push , just that me is curious about whether if the other party are really keen or jz busy to read the message ):

Adrian.

[Guest stbrianud]

Well.. Everyone is different... I'm not saying we are all good.. but i'm sure that some of us are... Some of us may be straightfoward and appear rude at times, but we only have your best interest at heart... While some of us are nice and gentle wanting to be friends and be friendly.... I'm not saying that all of us are like that... Some of us are just manipulative and deceitful. saying whatever you wanna hear so they can get something from you, be it sex or just a free meal...

Just becareful here... it's not a very safe place...

It's like a Rose...

Instead of Torns, you have dicks...

But if you can avoid the "torns" you'll have a beautiful flower... Kinda gross that it will be female.. but i'm sure you get the point...

Choose the colour of the rose wisely though... Some roses will stain you... and it might not be washable...

[XiaoMessy]

Sigh . Why is it so hard to find a nice people to really talk to ?

Is it me or i am the only one who realise that AJ now adays are quite snobbish ad unfriendly ?

You're just unlucky to meet the wrong people.

[ressac]

socially, it seems more acceptable to 'ignore' than to do an outright 'reject'? much so in the east than the west.

the entire issue and literature on... u noe, "giving face".

it's also politically incorrect to reject since u gotta give a reason AND "you are not my type / too chubby / skinny / not chinese / not local" etc etc etc is just so incorrect that ppl cringe to even consider telling that to the other party. So ppl choose to ignore and hope the other party will get the hint and fade off and disappear.

Yes, we are a pretty unfriendly bunch of ppl, haha.

[Guest Sigh87]

So this is the difference between AJ world and straight world...

[derryfawne]

Hur hur .

Not really want to push , just that me is curious about whether if the other party are really keen or jz busy to read the message ):

Adrian.

Maybe not you. =)

[Blacque]

So this is the difference between AJ world and straight world...

There is NO difference at all.

[XiaoMessy]

There is NO difference at all.

Men are still men.

[Guest Sigh87]

Guess . I will dismiss the idea of making friends and just focus on my career and friends.

Ty for all your piece of nice comments ;')

[ressac]

There is NO difference at all.

i wanted to say that but i tot, y shatter the dreams of an idealist so fast so soon?

[Blacque]

i wanted to say that but i tot, y shatter the dreams of an idealist so fast so soon?

The state of idealization doesn't last long. Hop into reality soon to avoid falling deep into misery.

[GoodBoyRan]

I'm not gonna go and say outright that AJ's are all insecure individuals...because I know there are plenty of confident, go-getter AJs out there (as with any population of people). BUT, I hope you would agree with me that to an extent, many of us have grown up in a societal environment where same-sex orientations are systematically ridiculed or condemned. Consequently, we become very much the products of our society.

It's not a stretch to say, many of us would have experienced insecurities and confusion growing up, feeling the need to hide or deny a facet of ourselves in order to prevent social discrimination and ostracism. As we grow older and become more aware of how the world works, this ingrained mentality continue to manifest itself inside us, even perhaps after we've come to accept ourselves for what we are and who we love. In order to prevent ourselves from becoming subjected to the kind of discrimination that we used to fear or perhaps, even experienced, we build a wall of defence through a stoic hard-ass personality in order to hide our weaknesses and insecurities. We try to fool anyone willing to believe us that we're this impenetrable piece of ass (pun intended) you don't wanna mess with. I believe this defence mechanism becomes so rooted that we continue to practice it even amongst the company of other AJ's, as it's become a default mode of interaction between ourselves and society at large.

As the world and society changes, and it IS becoming increasingly acceptable for us to be ourselves, I hope that future generations of AJ's will come to understand that being gentle or warm doesn't equate to weakness, and that being aloof, prideful, distant or bitchy is not a strength. I hope that subsequent generations will not be afraid of being friendly, and that they won't be afraid of being gay.

[gammaray]

Well. I just joined this circle say 2 days ago ? I went trevvy (not IRC ) and hoping to find friends . via the messaging platform so i usually left a message to them .

Eg jack last online 29/08/2012

The message i sent is 28/08/2012

I mean like obviously he don't wanna reply la , quite a few lehs ):

Why can't 直接reject me than ignoring , which is so rude

Well anw my name is Adrian (:

hi adrian, don't think so much and start from here.

we are your friends now.

Edited August 29, 2012 by gammaray

[Phil]

Guess . I will dismiss the idea of making friends and just focus on my career and friends.

Ty for all your piece of nice comments ;')

In some fields, making friends, or rather relations, maight be useful for your career...

[MarriedTop]

I'm nice! Imziz is nice too! Min is ncie! Wight is ncie! I'm the nicesttt HAHA jkjk.. most of us are friendly:D

Are you missing one?

[Guest stbrianud]

Are you missing one?

MarriedTop is the NICEST and HOTTEST! Haha:D

[greysuperhero]

Responding to the threadstarter, I think there are genuine AJ dudes around. Personally I have quite a few AJ friends whose friendships I developed from the unlikeliest places LOL. You just need some time to find them.

Regarding rejection, I guess you have to take it as it is if people don't reply. Sometimes other people have different agendas or are looking for different qualities. No point dwelling on a non-reply. You're going to miss out on the other guys out there who are looking for the same thing.

Good luck

[Wilbur]

Why do we have to be nice to strangers when most people want sex/relationship even before seeing your face? And also I believe most of us have this defensive wall set up against others just so we protect ourselves more. Which I don't see why thats a bad thing.

Trust me, I'm pretty nice to talk to as long you don't ask for sex, for fun, for face pics blah. Lower your expectations and you'll find better friends.

[Guest Guest]

There are nice people out there among the unfriendly ones. Perhaps you have not met them yet. I guess when 2 persons do not lay down criteria in being nice, no agendas and no expectations they open up the door of being friendly.

yes very true.

when you have no expectation or agenda against the other person, you are normally friendly and put away your guard and shield.

but when you have agenda and you did not get what u want, u tend to become 'nasty'.

when the other person fall short of ur expectation, u tend to become unfriendly.

[Guest Ironrod]

Guess . I will dismiss the idea of making friends and just focus on my career and friends.

Ty for all your piece of nice comments ;')

not true....i have made some good friends from BW and it's really fortunate

But life is like that, u can't be friendly to everyone becos some ppl just have the chemistry, some ppl just don't.

It's not that we are unfriendly sometimes but.......even being friends u need a little bit of 缘分.

I don't hate ppl whom don't response to my msges, perhaps the timing is just not right.

Don't give up hope yeah?

[spiffy729]

socially, it seems more acceptable to 'ignore' than to do an outright 'reject'? much so in the east than the west.

the entire issue and literature on... u noe, "giving face".

it's also politically incorrect to reject since u gotta give a reason AND "you are not my type / too chubby / skinny / not chinese / not local" etc etc etc is just so incorrect that ppl cringe to even consider telling that to the other party. So ppl choose to ignore and hope the other party will get the hint and fade off and disappear.

Yes, we are a pretty unfriendly bunch of ppl, haha.

In my opinion, it's so immature to just ignore people like that.

Personally, I'd value transparency a lot more than your effortlessly provided silence.

True, it's difficult and probably not worth the effort to PR your way through unwanted conversations, but you don't have to make up excuses if you could just deliver the upright and honest truth.

And by being upright and honest, you don't necessarily have to be unfriendly about it. It's really about how far are you willing to go to save face for the other person, and whether or not you'd respect that over being lazy about phrasing your words correctly. And apparently a lot of people just wouldn't bother. Says a lot more about these people, if you ask me.

Imo, some of us are really just to damn lazy to provide proper closure into the conversations that need them, which is a disgusting habit.

[spiffy729]

It's not a stretch to say, many of us would have experienced insecurities and confusion growing up, feeling the need to hide or deny a facet of ourselves in order to prevent social discrimination and ostracism. As we grow older and become more aware of how the world works, this ingrained mentality continue to manifest itself inside us, even perhaps after we've come to accept ourselves for what we are and who we love. In order to prevent ourselves from becoming subjected to the kind of discrimination that we used to fear or perhaps, even experienced, we build a wall of defence through a stoic hard-ass personality in order to hide our weaknesses and insecurities. We try to fool anyone willing to believe us that we're this impenetrable piece of ass (pun intended) you don't wanna mess with. I believe this defence mechanism becomes so rooted that we continue to practice it even amongst the company of other AJ's, as it's become a default mode of interaction between ourselves and society at large.

Wow what an interesting relation you brought in there... maybe.. maybe not.