Do You Stereotype Your Partners ?

[Eujiboo]

Or what I'm trying to say is , I've been in the circle for a long , long time , and I also know that in this circle , you get labels .

Well , you'd be labeled even if you're straight , but my point is , do you , or would you categorize or label you or your partner a certain way ?

Stereotyping is much too common and it's not something we like , because it doesn't let us be ourselves , or at least , when the public enforces their views on you , most people would choose to follow the status quo , to fit in , and therefore choose to 'change' the way they are just so they won't be discriminated or treated differently .

I'm sure many of you have heard how our straight counterparts (not all of them) have said that gays act a certain way or how we have to behave in a certain way to be labelled as this .

example , feminine , quiet , gentle , dislike sports , is doing fashion or in theatre , flamboyant , etc .

I know people who say and believe that Tops should be manly , decisive , to hide their emotions/not be emotional (won't show their tears) , isn't clingy/needy/touchy (cannot be close to their partner in public or cannot hug and cuddle their partner ) , have to be fierce or stand their ground/firm when talking , protective , loud , rough , brave , independent , etc etc .

And Bottoms would be the total opposite side of the spectrum , indecisive , very emotional (in speech and actions) , dramatic , clingy/needy/touchy , quiet , shy/soft-spoken , gentle , feminine , act like everyone owe them a living , etc etc .

These are what I've seen and heard people say over the years and not base on what I think , because in my opinion , I disregard labels and I feel like we should just let us be us , to live and love without having to compromise or change ourselves to what society have inbedded into our heads about how we should be or how we should act .

These traits aren't all that bad , and I'm not saying that we cannot have these traits , but shouldn't we not be labeled anymore than we already are ? Aren't we all human and should just be viewed as beings with feelings and emotions and can be who we are instead of falling into these categories .

Do you believe in , let's say , Tops or Bottoms should act a certain way in a relationship or even as singles seeking for friends or just living life the way we have always been ?

What's your take ?

[iamziz]

[Guest disillusioned]

I think being top or bottom is just a preference of your sexual wants/needs. Not so much of a stereotype with traits/behaviours/mannerisms/looks.

[Eujiboo]

^ That was and is what I think too .

But I've dated people who say things like " You're a Top , why are you so quiet / shy / indecisive " .

Then start to lie to me about everything until I give up trying .

[merlinkun]

How boring a world would be if everyone is forced to act a certain way as if someone out there programmed us to be.

[Clickclock]

People might say that stereotypes are just superficial, that they do not relate to the person in anyway, but there is some truth in them. After all, a stereotype arises from what the majority of the group involved is seen to be doing. Don't get me wrong, if you stereotype all apple products to be a rip off and brand base, that view is most likely a result of many people telling you just how rip offed they are and how factual their statements will be, If apple products are 100% non rip-offed , these stereotypes won't come up at all.

I believe there's a psychological situation involved in the Tops vs Bottoms. Then, it does not apply to everyone, just that the people in the groups have a higher tendency to lean towards it.

When a person is a Top, he is more likely to be the one doing the most physical work, i know there are cases of energetic bottoms, but seriously, how energetic can you be in being penetrated? Just by being energetic, it relates to the strength of the person and strength has to be enforced by a person to work which explains their decisive, straightforward position. This, as well as the preconceived notion from the public stereotypes that tops are manly, will ultimately brew a more masculine top. After all,they are fulfilling the man role in a heterosexual relationship and the only place to refer to how they should act is in the media, in television and stuff.

The bottom is the opposite of the Top. They are fulfilling the feminine role of being the receiver and just like I mentioned in the above paragraph, they mirror their personalities from women that are depicted in the media in heterosexual relationships. One thing to note, while being a top the size or look of the penis does not even matter in sex as you could not even see it during intercourse where most of the action takes place. Excluding foreplay of course. This little idea gives us a hint that bottoms are accepting no matter what is presented to them. I know women are assholes that they play hard to get and judge alot, but being accepting is a women quality in being the baby raiser. You can't say that men are more accepting then women right?

Then and all, they way tops and bottoms act are a result of the impact of the media of the ideal heterosexual couple. The way a gay couple adopts their character traits is subconscious that they do not know it themselves.

you know when I was typing this paragraph I have doubts with myself lol. might be talking nonsense

But whatever it is, we cannot dismiss this as a stereotype as we do not have enough evidence to reject it.

I believe that there's something psychological behind it.

[Guest stbrianud]

People keep saying, u feel like a bottom... Or I feel like u are a top. You know what I feel about u? You're a stereotypic asshat. I find it offensive sometimes... Just because I'm a bottom I can't be manly? Just because I'm a bottom I'm over sensitive? Just because I'm a bottom Im shy? Really? So my whole persona is based on me being a bottom... Well guess what... Fck u...

Anyways back to the topic, it's just a preference like many have pointed out. I'm trying to not label people... Takes time to

Change... But in this world... Many thrive on labels and stereotypical ideas... Hard to be different.

[Eujiboo]

I don't think that ALL labels or stereotypes are bad , because there are people who say gays are creative and confident people , so really it counts on what these labels are about .

Anyway , I do agree that the media does have an effect of how people are portrayed , how labels and stereotyping come to be , and how society acts , sees and treat people until the label sticks , then people slowly follow suit . I think people stereotype to fit in , to make things simpler , to find cliques , to avoid being the cafeteria fringe . It's people that conform to this that lose their sense of being unique .

You also mention that it doesn't mean that stereotyping is all fake , because yes , the people have to portray a certain trait , may it be a minority or a majority , then slowly they get noticed and suddenly these traits are placed into the categories .

Yes , the Top follows the man in a hetero relationship and the Bottom the female , and yes , both in the circle and out of it , people tend to label us with "You feel like a bottom because you're so quiet" or "You're muscular so you must be a top" , and so slowly people start following those trends . But I personally believe that we shouldn't let these labels change who we are or become a guideline to who we should become , but rather just traits one can have regardless of sexuality or role in bed .

Couldn't the top be the quiet , shy one , the bottom being the straight-forward , loud one , and leave the top/bottom roles to the bedroom ?

Is it possible if two tops or two bottoms be in a relationship , or does it strictly have to be top and bottom (ignore vers) ? Because I've notice people start a conversation with "intro , seek , top/bot ? " then it kinda just go downhill after that .