Why Do We Feel Jealous Looking At Good Looking Guys?

[sexiespider]

Because of the high population density of our city, gay people meet each other at such an intense pace and speed that they learn to think and behave from one another very quickly. This also explains why it looks like many gay people dress u

p in the same way, or seemingly believe in the same ideas in the same way.

Being good looking is one identifier, out of many others, and because men are visual and visual identifiers necessarily get used more often because of their overtness, being good looking thus becomes alleviated to being a key identifier to define another person, because of the ease of identification. And because we’ve allowed ‘overt’ cues to be more influential, it has become seen as ‘superior’ to be considered good looking. And because of the intensity of how often we see each other, the idea of being good looking as an identifier which is seen as superior is spread very quickly, such that we adopt the idea that one needs to be good looking to be of worth.

If we can understand this, then when we see a group of people who are considered good looking hang out, we should know that they might do so because it’s a function of the social processes that were described above. We would know that we needn’t compare ourselves to them and feel lesser of ourselves. We need to be aware that we are comparing ourselves to the perceived conferred status, and not because of their looks. We do not need to think that if we aren’t part of that group, we aren’t good enough.

http://myrighttolove.com/2012/09/29/finding-love-as-a-gay-man-in-singapore-part-1/

[WightTonguehlk]

U makie very little sense

[Guest Jonnyt]

I am never jealous of gay men - no matter how good they think of themselves or dress themselves, however they gym or build themselves.

I am super jealous of gentlemanly n chivalric straight men. Especially those very educated, laidback, nonjudgmental, unentitled, detached, tolerant and very kind gentlemanly type.

I have had the fortune (or is it misfortune?) of meeting several and had been super miserable, because deep down inside, I can never be like them no matter how hard I try. Because for all my profession n outward appearances, I am a basic slut.

[zwei]

I rather be a speaker like pm Lee.... Charming old man filled with words of wisdom

[Guest Jonnyt]

I rather be a speaker like pm Lee.... Charming old man filled with words of wisdom

I love PM Lee too and Teo Ser Luck - I was swooning in agony when I met them. So smart n sharp n so quick witted, n best of all, appearing nonchalant, cool composed n humble n friendly and they don't talk down to people. Completely no airs, unaffected.

Not saying this to show off. But to make point that I have met REAL MEN. Desmond Choo so Ah Kua

God I want to die! Why I born like this?

[sexiespider]

Hi,

Just to add - I had talked about "good looking" people because this came about in my conversation with people. It is not meant to discriminate or represent anyone in any light.

However, as someone has pointed out, our judgments or feelings towards others do not only apply towards those considered good looking - it can be anyone whom we feel are different from us.

The main aim of the article is to explain that how we feel towards other people - for example, if we are jealous - that the reason is because of our own comparisons with them, which might make us feel lesser of ourselves.

And the main idea is that if we learn to believe in ourselves and to be strong in believing about ourselves, we will know not to compare and we will not judge someone else, or ourselves.

Thanks

Roy

[Guest Guest]

I rather be a speaker like pm Lee.... Charming old man filled with words of wisdom

U can start by first wearing some clothes n replace ur topless avatar if u mean wat u say. Otherwise u belong to the majority, attraction by physical aesthetics purely.

[LucasMediantor]

Hi,

Just to add - I had talked about "good looking" people because this came about in my conversation with people. It is not meant to discriminate or represent anyone in any light.

However, as someone has pointed out, our judgments or feelings towards others do not only apply towards those considered good looking - it can be anyone whom we feel are different from us.

The main aim of the article is to explain that how we feel towards other people - for example, if we are jealous - that the reason is because of our own comparisons with them, which might make us feel lesser of ourselves.

And the main idea is that if we learn to believe in ourselves and to be strong in believing about ourselves, we will know not to compare and we will not judge someone else, or ourselves.

Thanks

Roy

OK lets clarify this... For myself, when I meet a good looking guy in terms of good proportion of body and face, I will never feel jealous at the first sight... I will always try to pretend that Im a stupid person and dun know anything..... I will ask many INNOCENT question, but to let him show his true color to the sun, cos most of the good looking guys are very arrogant and like to showoff.....If u show that ur not so smart and admiring him, he would fly to the sky and behave in the way of THE ONLY HOT BOY IN THE WORLD, and thats also the time he would not focus on his words, and show how smart he is and wisdom he got......If he knows how to show his wisdom in a smart way, I would knee down to admire him, and of cos, I would feel JEALOUS OF HIM immediately..... Otherwise, sorry to say, hot boys are many around, but they have a BRAIN or not.... Thats THE KEY to jealous with good looking guys to me

[fallequinox01]

If he knows how to show his wisdom in a smart way, I would knee down to admire him, and of cos, I would feel JEALOUS OF HIM immediately..... Otherwise, sorry to say, hot boys are many around, but they have a BRAIN or not.... Thats THE KEY to jealous with good looking guys to me

Totally agree with this. Plus THE TALENT.

[Heaven84]

U makie very little sense

Nah. You are stupid. That's why.

[LucasMediantor]

U can start by first wearing some clothes n replace ur topless avatar if u mean wat u say. Otherwise u belong to the majority, attraction by physical aesthetics purely.

I dun see any problem with his comment..... And most importantly, I also dun see any problem with his shirtless DP...... Its so funny to say that "Otherwise u belong to the majority, attraction by physical aesthetics purely."..... Hes a guy..... If he had a body or a cute face, he has the right to be proud of it, as long as the way hes impressing it is in a allowed way..... LEARNING TO LOVE YOURSELVES, THATS THE GREATEST LOVE OF ALL..... Thats just a way hes loving himself before loving others and contributing him to the society.... Dun judge a book by its cover, pls

[schmuckisms]

Group formation starts with a psychological bond between individuals. The social cohesion approach suggests that group formation comes out of bonds of interpersonal attraction.^[2] In contrast, the social identity approach (rooted in Social Identity Theory and Self-categorization Theory) suggests that a group starts when a collection of individuals perceive that they share some social category (‘smokers’, ‘nurses,’ ‘students,’ ‘hockey players’), and that interpersonal attraction only secondarily enhances the connection between individuals.^[2] Additionally, from the social identity approach, group formation involves both identifying with some individuals and explicitly not identifying with others. So to say, a level of psychological distinctiveness is necessary for group formation. Through interaction, individuals begin to develop group norms, roles, and attitudes which define the group, and are internalized to influence behavior.^[13]

[WightTonguehlk]

Nah. You are stupid. That's why.

Disgusting tard talking~

[Slynn]

Wow chill guys chill guys, dont get so worked up with one another

i guess the people TS is referring to are those who do not belong to a goodlooking/fit bod category and those who are constantly rejected and left out from cliques because they're not good looking enough. And that the jealousy arose from the comparison to peers who instantly get favored because of their looks.

I do agree I feel jealous towards those who have good looks but who are soooo competent and smart at the same time. like the "GOSH WHY THEY SO PERFECT ):" but I won't be jealous of a good looking guy if his personality is mean and his intellect is cmi. I would pity them instead ;-;

[Bumfuzzled]

I think envious will be a better word lols.

Most people hope/want to be better looking..

I dont think many will go around hating guys who are better looking..

[Guest Guest]

I am never jealous of gay men - no matter how good they think of themselves or dress themselves, however they gym or build themselves.

I am super jealous of gentlemanly n chivalric straight men. Especially those very educated, laidback, nonjudgmental, unentitled, detached, tolerant and very kind gentlemanly type.

I have had the fortune (or is it misfortune?) of meeting several and had been super miserable, because deep down inside, I can never be like them no matter how hard I try. Because for all my profession n outward appearances, I am a basic slut.

But God bless you for the insight to look for what's important in life, usually those intangible ones.

I always feel that these humans, with those admirable qualities are the most beautiful species on earth.

I like to look at them & hope I learn to be more like them.

I believ you would, too.

One fine day

One fi

[Guest Guest]

To TS:

Do you consider yourself goodlooking?

Do others think you are goodlooking?

Do you have a nice body?

Do others think you have a nice body?

Goodlooking is relative.

Other members/guest pointed out that there's goodlooking & smart

& goodlooking & dumb.

Some goodlooking with no body, others goodlooking with a body to die for.

Goodlooking beggar, goodlooking CEO.......

This debate is gonna be endless....

So what goodlooking

[Alexandre]

Dear Heaven84, Isn't what u commented about Wight a little too overboard? Even to a extent if u're so called labelled as "The elites of the society", but labelling someone as "Stupid is a little too extreme.

No hating;

Cheers;

Alex

[sexiespider]

Disgusting tard talking~

Hi guys,

Sorry - just drop a message to say that perhaps, if we can try to understand each other's perspectives, we will understand why we say certain things. I believe we might have different opinions to what is said, but perhaps we could discuss further on it, rather?

Thanks!

Roy

[sexiespider]

I think envious will be a better word lols.

Most people hope/want to be better looking..

I dont think many will go around hating guys who are better looking..

Hi

Yes, "envious" might possibly be another alternative word. I had used "jealous" among other words - the main aim of the article is to explain how we look at other people, and how we can understand it better.

Thanks

Roy

[sexiespider]

Hi guys,

Sorry, if I may add - as mentioned, I had brought out the issue of "good looking" guys as a starting point for discussion, but by no means do we only create just one category of "good looking people".

We also create other categories which we use to understand others by.

The main aim of this article is to try to understand we create categories, and sometimes we judge people who belong to these categories, or why we are perhaps, "envious" of them.

The main idea is to say that if we understand that when we categorise others and judge them, it would also be worthwhile to look within ourselves and understand why we do so - because it could be attributed to a discomfort that we have within ourselves, and it would be worthwhile for us to reflect, understand and with further introspection, we will learn to love ourselves and be confident and happy with ourselves.

Once we learn to find the strength and confidence within ourselves, we would know that we would not need to categorise or judge people, and compare them to ourselves because we would be assured enough of ourselves.

Thanks

Roy

[sexiespider]

Group formation starts with a psychological bond between individuals. The social cohesion approach suggests that group formation comes out of bonds of interpersonal attraction.^[2] In contrast, the social identity approach (rooted in Social Identity Theory and Self-categorization Theory) suggests that a group starts when a collection of individuals perceive that they share some social category (‘smokers’, ‘nurses,’ ‘students,’ ‘hockey players’), and that interpersonal attraction only secondarily enhances the connection between individuals.^[2] Additionally, from the social identity approach, group formation involves both identifying with some individuals and explicitly not identifying with others. So to say, a level of psychological distinctiveness is necessary for group formation. Through interaction, individuals begin to develop group norms, roles, and attitudes which define the group, and are internalized to influence behavior.^[13]

Thanks for this.

[gammaray]

I'm only jealous of the rich, smart and good looking

[rclds123]

My topic on my masters thesis which I completed last March 2010 also dealt with this issue. We share the same opinion. Agree.

[zwei]

U can start by first wearing some clothes n replace ur topless avatar if u mean wat u say. Otherwise u belong to the majority, attraction by physical aesthetics purely.

Sorry for not wearing any tops in my dp =( but it does not mean I speak gibberish

[sexiespider]

My topic on my masters thesis which I completed last March 2010 also dealt with this issue. We share the same opinion. Agree.

Hey, do share! Or maybe you can share some of the references, so that others can learn.

I hope that we can learn and understand. The only reason why I want to share this is because, these are the things that divide the community, and a stronger community will be one that will protect its members. The gay community can provide more support for one another.

And if we are able to not judge, but look out for another, we can build a community where gay people are happier, stronger and supportive of one another.

All of us need to have the awareness and commitment to work together, to make things for all of us, and truly, for ourselves.

Roy

[SEPTIE1234]

U can start by first wearing some clothes n replace ur topless avatar if u mean wat u say. Otherwise u belong to the majority, attraction by physical aesthetics purely.

And you need to stop being judgmental. You can't infer anything from just a dp. lol

[sexiespider]

Sorry for not wearing any tops in my dp =( but it does not mean I speak gibberish

Hi just want to add - for all commentators (sorry, I do not know how to include every commentator into this comment)

I truly think we need to take a step back for making angry, or sometimes snide remarks at one another. This reinforces what I had tried to bring out in this topic - when we are look at someone who we feel we cannot be compared to, we might start being envious, or sometimes, angry - and this might lead us to make disparaging comments about them.

And the main point is really this - how can we introspect and not judge someone. Sometimes, our immediate reaction is to get angry and scold someone - because we feel offended or we don't we good enough about ourselves. Then, we need to stop to look within ourselves and understand why. It isn't about the other person that has upset us. We had allowed ourselves to be upset because of our discomfort with ourselves, which resulted in our comparison of ourselves with the other person.

I had learnt this the hard way. Thus I am sharing. I understand that we can choose to get angry and blame our anger on someone else, or we can pause a bit, reflect and look within ourselves.

Thanks

Roy

[sexiespider]

Hi guys,

Just one message.I

I would like to reiterate - the article had brought out "good looking-ness" as an illustration of how categorisation and judgment can take place.

However, please look beyond the illustration of "good looking-ness" to understand that the message behind this article is that we need to understand why we categorise and judge others, and how, if we learn to look within ourselves and understand ourselves, we will know what it is within us that we need to understand - when we understand ourselves, believe in ourselves and love ourselves, we would know that we would not need to look unfavourably at someone else, to compensate for our low self belief.

We would know that we can be strong, love ourselves and be happy - this is the message that I hope to share.

Thank you

Roy

[SoSonni]

Ok really had to use my brains to follow on this one I've only graduated a few months ago and already my brain is already getting used to being lazy.

Here's my two cents:

Each one of us would naturally have a preference of some sort and thus I think it manipulates us to have our own pre-defined meaning of what it means to be "good looking". Of course, this brings out the debate that the term "good looking" is all but relative. This might be true to a certain extent, but does the media enforce its belief of what "good looking" is, so much so that now our preferences are actually no more than a replica of what the media prefers? Does the media really influence the way we see what is "good looking" or is the media itself the fruit of our own pure thinking?

Why we categorize and judge others, in this case in terms of looks into a spectrum from ugly to good-looking, is I think because we are genetically inclined to see where our "competitors" fit within the spectrum and then to compare to where we see ourselves. In my opinion, anyone no matter how kind-hearted they may be, would have at least an understanding of where he stands within the spectrum in comparison to others around him.

This brings in the idea of low self-esteem and putting ourselves near the ugly end of the spectrum. So naturally, for us to become relatively nearer to the good looking end of the spectrum, we would convince ourselves that our "competitors" are nearer to the ugly end of the spectrum than we are.

Previously mentioned by the TS, the solution to this is to look within ourselves and learn to understand and believe in ourselves better so that instead of bringing people down, you would end up bringing yourself up high (not too high though, careful there). We also need to understand that although it is beneficial to have opinions of third parties to aid us with determining our self-worth, the decision is ultimately yours and should not be overpowered by the opinions of others.

Having respect and admiration is another thing, of course.

Edited October 1, 2012 by SoSonni

[sexiespider]

Ok really had to use my brains to follow on this one I've only graduated a few months ago and already my brain is already getting used to being lazy.

Here's my two cents:

Each one of us would naturally have a preference of some sort and thus I think it manipulates us to have our own pre-defined meaning of what it means to be "good looking". Of course, this brings out the debate that the term "good looking" is all but relative. This might be true to a certain extent, but does the media enforce its belief of what "good looking" is, so much so that now our preferences are actually no more than a replica of what the media prefers? Does the media really influence the way we see what is "good looking" or is the media itself the fruit of our own pure thinking?

Why we categorize and judge others, in this case in terms of looks into a spectrum from ugly to good-looking, is I think because we are genetically inclined to see where our "competitors" fit within the spectrum and then to compare to where we see ourselves. In my opinion, anyone no matter how kind-hearted they may be, would have at least an understanding of where he stands within the spectrum in comparison to others around him.

This brings in the idea of low self-esteem and putting ourselves near the ugly end of the spectrum. So naturally, for us to become relatively nearer to the good looking end of the spectrum, we would convince ourselves that our "competitors" are nearer to the ugly end of the spectrum than we are.

Previously mentioned by the TS, the solution to this is to look within ourselves and learn to understand and believe in ourselves better so that instead of bringing people down, you would end up bringing yourself up high (not too high though, careful there). We also need to understand that although it is beneficial to have opinions of third parties to aid us with determining our self-worth, the decision is ultimately yours and should not be overpowered by the opinions of others.

Having respect and admiration is another thing, of course.

You say it so much better. Lol.

[SoSonni]

You say it so much better. Lol.

No where close. Just realized I probably just repeated what you said, wasn't my intention heh. I see some other posts you make and I like reading your writing when I feel like my brain can handle it hahahaha.

Cheers!

[Guest Guest]

U makie very little sense

Same sentiments, too. I dun know wtf is he talking about.

It's like asking

'Why Do We Feel Good & Superior Looking At Ugly Guys?'

'Why Am I So Desirable That People Are Going After Me?'

'Why Am I So Lucky To Have A Rich, Handsome Boyfriend Who Bought Me A Diamond-studded Cock Ring?'or

'Why Does The Sun Go On Shinning?'

Just hope he's not posting from u-know-where.

[TheAntisen]

I think another possible angle to look at this is the idea that life would be easier if you were in someone else's shoes. Perhaps people would pay more attention to you, or you'd be better able to communicate with someone when you're not worried about how you come across. Hell, maybe one might go as far as to believe that all your problems might magically go away. So this longing to be something you're not ends up forcing you to know nothing but contempt for yourself and by extension, hatred to the people that display characteristics that you wish you had.

Anyway, I'll try thinking more about this when I don't feel so worn out and exhausted. I hate work

[sum1outhere_03]

Actually, I feel more jealous or envy when hot guys got together... :\

[Guest Guest]

Actually, I feel more jealous or envy when hot guys got together... :\

Actually, I feel quite happy for them coz they look good together & wish for them to have a good time.

Sometimes, they would would ask me to join them but I declined coz I m not into clubbing or 3P. hehe.

[Simmon]

ME? I don't feel jealous looking at good looking guys... Good looking guys are jealous of me! =D

[Silveriot]

i thought i could have a break from schoolwork by browsing BW but i came across this schlolarly article/discussion-like thread? reading the text makes my head spin.

anyway i think its just human nature to crave for something that you can't/don't have. (insert overly used cliche: grass is always greener on the other side etc etc.)

but "jealous" is probably too strong a word to use here. that word usually carries malicious intent. for me, i am envious of good looking guys. ( or fit muscled buff guys. watever) but its not jealousy cause i am aware of the hardwork these people put in to maintain their bods and looks, all those gymming, facials or what not. i never put in effort myself, can blame who, right? usually i see these good looking guys and i think " oh how nice." instead of " wah i am so jealous of that douchebag, wonder how much he spent on that facelift."

so hence note the subtle diff btw envy and jealousy.

anyway i am sure they have their own sets of problems too. like i dont have to worry about spending money on products, or dun have to worry if my friends friend me just cuz of my looks or what, or that whether there are ppl stealing my pictures and wanking to them etc. i mean, if you are that hot, everyone stares at u in public and thats gotta be uncomfortable right? and how to have a nonsuperficial but sincere relationship? will ppl still like you if u are not that good loooking?

just my twocents worth. sorry for the wall of text as i thought this is more befitting to the TS's usual writing style.

Cheers.

Riot.

[doncoin]

My take on the topic is this. The jealousy is the result of lack of self worth.

Remember, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, hence very subjective.

It is normal when you are younger, especially through the teens and through your 20s to struggle with issues such as looks, because you are still coming to terms with yourself. Who you are inside and out. You act out on your insecurity or your arrogance of youth and it is a natural progression. If you see a good looking guy, and feel somewhat envious of his looks, and wishing you look like him, instead of who you are, it is just a simple fact that you have yet to accept who you are, how you look. Give yourself time, and as you get older, learn to embrace that the look is not going to change too much, unless you go for cosmetic procedures. Learn to love the person you see in the mirror. If you are dissatisfied with how you look, do what you have to to change or adjust till you can learn to live with it. Learn to be happy.

Nothing sadder than to see someone who as he gets older, going to the extreme to stay looking good. I know of a person who is approaching 50, wears a wig, wears makeup, botox etc. and is celebrating his 40th birthday for the 3rd time. He is missing so much out of life because he always feel the need to be the prettiest girl in the room. To each his own, but when it affects you from leading a fulfilling life, it becomes sad.

[trunks]

Jealous for what? Because you don't look as good? Like a little girl yearning for her friend's doll?

The better looking you are, the harder it is to maintain it as you age. The more arrogant someone is because of his gud look now, the more miserable he will be when that fades away.

So don't get jealous, and don't get arrogant. Goodlookers are arrogant because of their look, but I can say the same bout the rest. Smarties can be arrogant because of their brain (to make themselves feel better n compensate for the look) and rich ppl are arrogant because of their money (same reason).

Be confident inside, but humble outside. This circle is already suffering from enough of alienation and discrimination, is there really a need to further segmentize it?

[EasleyLim]

Jealous for what? Because you don't look as good? Like a little girl yearning for her friend's doll?

The better looking you are, the harder it is to maintain it as you age. The more arrogant someone is because of his gud look now, the more miserable he will be when that fades away.

So don't get jealous, and don't get arrogant. Goodlookers are arrogant because of their look, but I can say the same bout the rest. Smarties can be arrogant because of their brain (to make themselves feel better n compensate for the look) and rich ppl are arrogant because of their money (same reason).

Be confident inside, but humble outside. This circle is already suffering from enough of alienation and discrimination, is there really a need to further segmentize it?

See, this is the kind of self-fulling prophecy that all of us tends to fall into.

People see hawt guys -> People automatically assumes he's a douchebag --> Little chance of interacting with people who are NOT douchebags --> Actually becoming a hot douchebag by learning from other hot douchebags

Of course, I'm factoring out that hawt people actually have the willpower/personality to remain grounded but within a society such as ours where -- as the TS has pointed out so astutely -- is based on appearance, the peer pressure can be incredibly effective at molding people into stereotypes that we know today. So yes, what the TS said somewhat true. Stop putting hot people on the pedestal and you'll stop feeling like you belong below it and feeling disgruntled.

[Guest Guest]

See, this is the kind of self-fulling prophecy that all of us tends to fall into.

People see hawt guys -> People automatically assumes he's a douchebag --> Little chance of interacting with people who are NOT douchebags --> Actually becoming a hot douchebag by learning from other hot douchebags

Of course, I'm factoring out that hawt people actually have the willpower/personality to remain grounded but within a society such as ours where -- as the TS has pointed out so astutely -- is based on appearance, the peer pressure can be incredibly effective at molding people into stereotypes that we know today. So yes, what the TS said somewhat true. Stop putting hot people on the pedestal and you'll stop feeling like you belong below it and feeling disgruntled.

Tell that to the global advertising industries.

Ugliness does not sell. Inner beauty does not sell.

Imagine Frankestein selling his new cologne 'FREAK', would you buy?

BTW, some hawt ppl are very nice, humble & intelligent.

One could pretend that all hawt ppl are stupid, 'plastic' & unworthy

If that makes one feels better.

One could wait for the hawt ppl to grow old & wrinkled

If one lives that long to see

I know of a bitch(no inner beauty) who looks like Miss Piggy(no outer beauty)

I told her jokingly that she's nowhere near a beauty.

She told me that when she walks into a room, she commands attention.

I said "Yes, from a frog named Kermit"

Goodlooking ppl are very insecure but they get better service & earn more. Pity? Jealousy?

This is life, accept it & move on.