Have U Checked Yr Bf Or Date Phone Before And Found Out He's Flirting Outside? Or Be Paranoid & Want To Check Phone Of Partner (Compiled)

[Crumpler]

Have u checked yr bf or date phone before and found out he's flirting outside? How did u reacted ? How did u handle it? How did u confronted him? let's discuss here Tks

[northernboi]

I nvr allow my bf to check on my hp. But I do check his (but now lesser Liao).. Haha! Hmmm and yes, I do question him on some stuffs..

Best is not to check... Be ready to face the music if u wan to check each others hp. Sometimes its just not flirting, it's other problems tat might surface up. If ur bf is comfy in telling u, he will tell.

[SeannyShortcake]

I don't do something that silly.

If I suspect something amiss,I'd just ask him about it.

Checking his phone displays extreme insecurity and lack of mutual trust.

[Guest stbrianud]

Nope. but me and my bf are total flirts... so i know he will flirt and he knows i will... but we both trust each other and set boundaries haha... might sound crazy immature.. but thats just us

in my opinion, since he is keeping it to himself. it's a breach of trust. talk to him and settle it. if he doesn't wanna stop or gives sme funky excuse... Sayonara saseko-san

[TannedKE]

Lol so fast got boyfriend already?

[Seedrick]

I do take his phone to play games, but he's never flirted with anyone before, but alot of people flirts with him lol!~

[Shawnlim522]

Nope. but me and my bf are total flirts... so i know he will flirt and he knows i will... but we both trust each other and set boundaries haha... might sound crazy immature.. but thats just us

in my opinion, since he is keeping it to himself. it's a breach of trust. talk to him and settle it. if he doesn't wanna stop or gives sme funky excuse... Sayonara saseko-san

I WHERE GOT FLIRTS !!? WHERE GOT XDDD ?

[Guest stbrianud]

I WHERE GOT FLIRTS !!? WHERE GOT XDDD ?

Such a Lier xD haha I've seen the texts ^^ GO BACK TO WORK!

[thorzguy]

Hmmm.... Crumpler, why would you want to check on your bf phone?

It is because you do not trust him. suspect him or he checks on your phone too?

Personally, I feel this is an infringement of privacy and lack of mutual respect. Yes, no doubt, 2 person can be together and unless both agreed that "my phone is your phone and your phone is my phone,, and you are most welcome to check on my mobile"... else, do not ever cross the line, no matter how much the temptation or urge is to check his phone.

And, no... it has never occur to me to check my partner phone. If he really wants to flirt or do something funny behind my back, he doesn't really need to use the phone... there are so many other ways to do it.

Edited October 15, 2012 by thorzguy

[GachiMuchi]

Have u checked yr bf or date phone before and found out he's flirting outside? How did u reacted ? How did u handle it? How did u confronted him? let's discuss here Tks

Totally agree with Thorguy.

What are you trying to accomplished?

Please have mutual respect for your partner's privacy. Invasion of one's privacy regardless how much you love someone is still wrong. Would you like your parents to check your phone?

If you are insecure about your r/ship, and need to be sneaky and go behind your partner's back, I am certain your r/ship with him will eventually ends in a break off.

It is always a good thing to discuss about each others insecurities in the r/ship and see how you guys can come to an agreement or compromise what is acceptable and what is not. If you guys are not able to come to an agreement or compromise then this r/ship of your is not going to work and it's best you guys call it off. Because both of you just have different view about what r/ship is to both of you.

[snowball]

侵犯别人的隐私, 不但是不尊重对方, 更暴露了自己的不成熟和缺乏安全感。跟对方谈恋爱可对方并没签下卖身契。

如果对方从不介意你用他的手机, 那是出自他对于你的信任, 但没经过同意而擅自查看, 不论对方是否出轨, 自己也有不对。

不管出自什么理由, 此风不可长。

如果有怀疑, 何不坦诚布公摊开来谈?

除非你只抱着只在乎曾经拥有的心态, 不然别因一时的冲动而弄巧反拙,

别让感情留下后遗症。

Edited October 16, 2012 by snowball

[Azorius]

I never checked his cellphone until once when I was preoccupied with chatting with his buddies, he took my cellphone and started going through my Whatsapp and such. So to be fair, on a random day, I insisted on looking through his. Let's just say that he had some explaining to do thereafter

[NielKlient]

Used to do that. But cant be bothered now. If he is gonna flirt, there isnt much you can do to stop him.

As long as it doesnt pass the line, i'm cool with it.

Now i really hate it when someone tries to peek at my phone content.

Like what they also say, dont do things to others when you dont want it to happen to you.

[Manbane]

Don't check on each other's phone..it achieve nothing but destroy the relationship.

[loveedovee]

I'm gonna echo what the others have input here..

Checking on your other half's phone is such an invasion of privacy. You may not have anything to hide but that doesn't mean you have the right to check his phones for malicious activities.

The reason you are with someone is that you trust them. Don't break that trust. EVER! It's hard to rebuild.

[thaiboyz]

Respect! Respect ! Respect ! I won't repeat what others had mention above. Reading someone's personal diaries and SMS messages is disgusting and disturbing! Everyone has his own dark secrets to keep. If his partner think he has his right to infringe and force himself thru, I would consider he is crossing his partner's border and being rude. It's no different from stealing!

[Eujiboo]

I think before actually getting together , you'd know how much a flirt he is . So different partners will have different expectations .

Personally if you trust your partner (I mean it's kinda a given right ? ) , then you don't have to doubt what he says or check up on him . Likewise . to be respected and trusted , you wouldn't want him to check up on you .

But in the end it's between the couple if you guys are fine with sharing each others' mobiles because some couples are fine with it .

[Guest faynic]

I believe if one started invading the other's privacy, it means the love has already faded. It's either you are not confident enough or your partner cannot give you the sense of security you need. To me, I feel that there is no more trust and my partner are too obsessive over me.

[Seedrick]

Trust is a very tricky issue, 100% trust is just not that feasible in this day and age. Think of all the thing that people say when they found out their other half is cheating on them: "I can't believe he would do this to me", "How was I so blind and stupid?" or "I can't believe I trusted him." I believe there is no need to get angry due to the lack of trust as everyone needs to protect self-interest.

Trust built over the years can be very fragile as considering the face that change is the only constant that exist in this world, people and circumstances change over time. Who would say that 10 years from now, my partner will still be lovey dovey, he might just get bored of me and start to find other people. Today he may not flirt with other guys, but with guys flirting with him, who is to say he will not choose someone else over me?

I cannot rely on the fact that just because he chose to be with me I have to trust him 100%, life partnership is a very big issue. Small issue like I trust to pay my $3.50 at my favourite food stall that will taste yummy, if the trust is broken, the food taste like shit, no big deal, I can simply move on. Breach of trust by my life partner will be a whole different issue.

Just like any illness, prevention is better than cure, hit it at early stages and you can prevent it from spreading or the condition worsening.

I think I sound very negative in the post, but then again, just to mention that everyone should safeguard their love and that the act of checking on hand phone should not be frowned upon. After all, if your other half has nothing to hide, why worried about phone being check? Right?

:thumb:

Edited October 16, 2012 by Seedrick

[Guest dillon]

Looks like i'm quite the unique case then, having to fall into the latter. Me and my boyfriend very much shares our privacy, and yes this includes, computers, phones, facebook, emails, personal conversations and even bank accounts. The notion we get is that there is nothing we need to hide from each other. If you feel that your privacy has been violated, it probably is triggered by your ego or there is something you feel is inappropriate for your loved one to see. While i ascertain to the fact that it feels odd having your boyfriend to read your supposedly darkest secrets, it only serves to improve the relationship.

Though i have to say this doesn't happen to anyone, it just so happens that both of us are perfectly comfortable with this proclaimed 'violation of privacy'. We've been together for 4 years and there is a perfect trust between us. I certainly cannot imagine couples purchasing an apartment of their own if they don't even have a transparency on such issue.

[Guest faynic]

I think SHARE & CHECK is a different word for such cases. Share is mutual between couples where they are open to each other & feel that there is nothing to hide, but check is something which is not being notify or known by your partner.

Well, it's still how things are decided between couples. Personally, I don't agree on checking but I don't mind sharing.

[Guest dillon]

something i might add. I have to say most people here probably keeps in contact with their supposedly AJ cliques or perhaps still flirts with other guys whilst in a middle of a relationship, so personally i find that it's justified to request to check your bf's phone. If he proved you wrong, you apologize for the act, and he truely likes you; i'm sure there is no harm to the relationship at all. After all, we're talking about a life time relationship, not hookups, aj cliques, ons, fun or anything; which unfortunately is NOT a scarcity over here.

[Guest dillon]

I think SHARE & CHECK is a different word for such cases. Share is mutual between couples where they are open to each other & feel that there is nothing to hide, but check is something which is not being notify or known by your partner.

Well, it's still how things are decided between couples. Personally, I don't agree on checking but I don't mind sharing.

Well, the moment we mutually agreed that it's perfectly fine to 'share', 'check' doesn't exist in our dictionary anymore. We wouldn't personally notify before 'intruding each other's privacy'. Just an example I will come out of the bathroom to see him using my computer laughing at my conversations with another friend. And i'd be asking him what's up, then he'd point to my conversation. Almost like a daily happening.

[Donatelloversace]

Flirt Loh, no big deal. He dare go out and play, then dun be afraid of breaking up.

No point tracking and keeping him if he's not keen in the relationship anymore. If he's that into you, them he wld not go flirt already.

[Rafa87]

In all honesty i used to think like many of you here that checking on my partner's phone was indeed an invasion of privacy and reeked of immense insecurty and immaturity on my part but after what happened in my last relationship, i now have a slightly different take on this issue. I happened to find out that my then boyfriend was sleeping around (one of his flings was a very good friend of mine) when he asked me to message a mutual friend to confirm our dinner plans while he was in the shower. Well all i can say is that i saw some things which he wouldn't have wanted me to see and that triggered my curiosity to scroll through the other messages. Of course things ended in a very awful note but i was glad that i managed to nip this relationship in the bud on top of seeing the true colours of my good friend. This unfortunate episode whereby i inadvertently discovered by partner's infidelity was definitely a blessing in disguise. It was a good lesson learnt but more importantly, it prompted me to leave a cheating partner 6 months into the relationship and by doing so, spared me the heartbreaking anguish and minimised the potential detrimental consquences (STDs) had i discovered his gallivanting and philandering ways later.

I think its easy for an outsider to say that this episode was a mere testament of the lack of trust and stability in our relationship (which i concur without a doubt). Afterall we were together for barely 6 months and considering that there are many wives who are totally unaware that their husbands are closet gays even after decades of marriage, i reckon its reasonable to be skeptical about the morality of someone you had only known for six months. No matter how prim and proper and righteous one appears on the surface, there's always a chance he's hiding something. 所谓知人知面不知心，很多时候最亲密的枕边人会是伤害你最深的人。Well at the end of the day i guess its what you are trying to accompish by checking on his mobile phone. Basically i feel there are a few reasons why one is inclined to do so.

Most people do it just to give themselves some peace of mind - you know you trust him (and he probably is not misbehaving) but you just want to get some tangible assurance, especially on days when you are feeling a tad insecure. I think there's no harm in doing that as long as u do it discreetly, just dont give him the opportunity to berate you for being sneaky, paranoid and distrusting if he ever finds out; no point causing unnecesary friction in the relationship if he has been genuinely faithful and loving. Having said that, if your partner is the sort who will cleverly 偷吃后会抹嘴并毁尸灭据， then its pretty much futile to conduct all these spot-checks. However, if having this sense of false security does help to allay your anxiety, then go ahead but do it prudently.

I guess the question is whether you are prepared to face the music if you ever find out that your bf is not exactly the perfect man you have always visualised him to be. Some people would rather not know what their partners are doing behind their backs with the mentality that ignorance is bliss, as long as he continues to love you and come back to you every night ,you are okay with the occasional romps even if deep down you are fully aware that it's not so occasional afterall. Some people , like myself, would prefer to know the truth as i'm utterly comfortable with the idea of me being 蒙在鼓里. Moreover, im a firm believer of monogamy and who knows what kind of diseases he might have caught from the 野花 outside if he's an avid predator. I think the saddest scenario is when one knows that his bf is the cheating kind (99% chance that that is sleeping with someone outside) but chooses to 自欺欺人 and then one day when he decides to spontaneously conducts a spot-check, his world comes crashing down because of something he has known from day 1.

Its really hard to say if this is the right thing to do or not as every situation is unique. For me if i truly love and trust my partner to posess the integrity not to do anything that will potentially devastate me, i probably will not do such a thing although it can be very tempting at times. But if we have just gotten together and i still have my doubts about his commitment, i can't guarantee that i wont peek at his phone if an opportunity aries. I'd be the first to admit that im a cynical, selfish bitch with a fatalistic outlook of life but at the end of the day, i'd prefer to find out and end the relationship ealier 长痛不如短痛 rather than finding out only after we have been together for years. The damage can be irreversible by then.

[wondering]

In all honesty i used to think like many of you here that checking on my partner's phone was indeed an invasion of privacy and reeked of immense insecurty and immaturity on my part but after what happened in my last relationship, i now have a slightly different take on this issue. I happened to find out that my then boyfriend was sleeping around (one of his flings was a very good friend of mine) when he asked me to message a mutual friend to confirm our dinner plans while he was in the shower. Well all i can say is that i saw some things which he wouldn't have wanted me to see and that triggered my curiosity to scroll through the other messages. Of course things ended in a very awful note but i was glad that i managed to nip this relationship in the bud on top of seeing the true colours of my good friend. This unfortunate episode whereby i inadvertently discovered by partner's infidelity was definitely a blessing in disguise. It was a good lesson learnt but more importantly, it prompted me to leave a cheating partner 6 months into the relationship and by doing so, spared me the heartbreaking anguish and minimised the potential detrimental consquences (STDs) had i discovered his gallivanting and philandering ways later.

I think its easy for an outsider to say that this episode was a mere testament of the lack of trust and stability in our relationship (which i concur without a doubt). Afterall we were together for barely 6 months and considering that there are many wives who are totally unaware that their husbands are closet gays even after decades of marriage, i reckon its reasonable to be skeptical about the morality of someone you had only known for six months. No matter how prim and proper and righteous one appears on the surface, there's always a chance he's hiding something. 所谓知人知面不知心，很多时候最亲密的枕边人会是伤害你最深的人。Well at the end of the day i guess its what you are trying to accompish by checking on his mobile phone. Basically i feel there are a few reasons why one is inclined to do so.

Most people do it just to give themselves some peace of mind - you know you trust him (and he probably is not misbehaving) but you just want to get some tangible assurance, especially on days when you are feeling a tad insecure. I think there's no harm in doing that as long as u do it discreetly, just dont give him the opportunity to berate you for being sneaky, paranoid and distrusting if he ever finds out; no point causing unnecesary friction in the relationship if he has been genuinely faithful and loving. Having said that, if your partner is the sort who will cleverly 偷吃后会抹嘴并毁尸灭据， then its pretty much futile to conduct all these spot-checks. However, if having this sense of false security does help to allay your anxiety, then go ahead but do it prudently.

I guess the question is whether you are prepared to face the music if you ever find out that your bf is not exactly the perfect man you have always visualised him to be. Some people would rather not know what their partners are doing behind their backs with the mentality that ignorance is bliss, as long as he continues to love you and come back to you every night ,you are okay with the occasional romps even if deep down you are fully aware that it's not so occasional afterall. Some people , like myself, would prefer to know the truth as i'm utterly comfortable with the idea of me being 蒙在鼓里. Moreover, im a firm believer of monogamy and who knows what kind of diseases he might have caught from the 野花 outside if he's an avid predator. I think the saddest scenario is when one knows that his bf is the cheating kind (99% chance that that is sleeping with someone outside) but chooses to 自欺欺人 and then one day when he decides to spontaneously conducts a spot-check, his world comes crashing down because of something he has known from day 1.

Its really hard to say if this is the right thing to do or not as every situation is unique. For me if i truly love and trust my partner to posess the integrity not to do anything that will potentially devastate me, i probably will not do such a thing although it can be very tempting at times. But if we have just gotten together and i still have my doubts about his commitment, i can't guarantee that i wont peek at his phone if an opportunity aries. I'd be the first to admit that im a cynical, selfish bitch with a fatalistic outlook of life but at the end of the day, i'd prefer to find out and end the relationship ealier 长痛不如短痛 rather than finding out only after we have been together for years. The damage can be irreversible by then.

I had a similar experience with mine just recently. The worst was that it happened while we were overseas on holiday. Was playing games on his phone and happened to see very disturbing messages that hurt me badly. However, I confronted him right in the face about it and we had a good talk about it. Since this incident, our relationship improved and we learn to be very open with one another choosing to commit to the relationship first and foremost.

I forgive, he forgets and we move on fruitfully. So it really depends on how you want to face up to it and if you are ready to work things through.

Just a rare two cents worth of personal experience.

[c0ldFire]

i would appreciate openness from both parties..

actually i feels kind of glad, if i saw him checking my phone, mac, etc.. shows he bothers abt me, maybe in a slight twisted way..lol

if he is "clean" .. then there is nothing to hide.. but there again, theres a will, theres a way..

if he really wants to play the cheating game, he can cleanse all his messages before meeting u, or get another phone without letting u know, etc etc etc..

i chanced upon my ex msg .. saw him invited his ex go hotel for lunch time sex..

well.. regardless they did it or not, his intend and initiatives is enough to kill my trust in him.

[Netizen]

I respect his privacy as much as I expect my partner respect mine. For who we are, personally I feel that it is quite normal to have fun or notti text chats with our friends or colleagues.

Checking our partner's mobile phone creates an air of insecurity and breach mutual trust (but I think there are grounds to this for many people as it is so easy for us to have flings out there, attached or not).

It adds pressure to the relationship. Be prepared for a showdown if you secretly check his mobile. It will be hell break loose if I discover he checks mine, whatever he finds whats inside.

Different model works for different couples, ultimately.

Edited October 19, 2012 by Netizen

[Guest 阿姐]

侵犯别人的隐私, 不但是不尊重对方, 更暴露了自己的不成熟和缺乏安全感。跟对方谈恋爱可对方并没签下卖身契。

如果对方从不介意你用他的手机, 那是出自他对于你的信任, 但没经过同意而擅自查看, 不论对方是否出轨, 自己也有不对。

不管出自什么理由, 此风不可长。

如果有怀疑, 何不坦诚布公摊开来谈?

除非你只抱着只在乎曾经拥有的心态, 不然别因一时的冲动而弄巧反拙,

别让感情留下后遗症。

来来来，听阿姐的。这种情形嘛，老娘我。。。。呸呸呸，一时口快，妹妹我最清楚了。。。

坦诚布公摊开来谈不行啦。。。。。阿姐有三个方法：

（1）让他天天干、一直干，干到老眼昏花、双脚无力、精尽人亡为止！（你妹妹我就是用这招搞定几个猛男的咯）

（2）挥刀自宫（阉割掉阳具，哪里还有戏唱，你以为是我？还可以拍“割爱”）

（3）用电击（市面上有一种用来阻止狗儿吠的电器，绑在它们的颈项，它们一吠，仪器就会发出电击，狗儿被电击几次，就会学乖了。男人嘛。。。。当然得用大点儿的、粗点儿的啦！VIEWERS CHOICE - “无敌神电棒”。每次他一勃起，你二话不说，用电棒头给龟头打个KISS。。。一切完美！

试试看！

[Exynos]

there isn't a right or wrong to this issue, although i do believe if you're reading through his messages without his consent then it's really a question of morality. every couple is going to have their different manner of handling trust issues, but imo, as long as both parties are fine with whatever method is being used, then there's nothing much to say, no?

[derryfawne]

No. C'mon, respect.

[Toro]

That's a terrible thing to do. Ask yourself this, will u like your bf going thru your stuffs?

[thaiboyz]

Maybe a bf should even go thru his partner's bank accounts and asset lists , get to know his ATM pins, and carry out on- line transactions with his accounts, check out his wills to ensure he is the beneficiary of his Insurance and the future owner of his bf's assets

[rawbird]

Nope. but me and my bf are total flirts... so i know he will flirt and he knows i will... but we both trust each other and set boundaries haha... might sound crazy immature.. but thats just us

in my opinion, since he is keeping it to himself. it's a breach of trust. talk to him and settle it. if he doesn't wanna stop or gives sme funky excuse... Sayonara saseko-san

Sounds like my situation too! But I guess I am less "adventurous" then he is

[imchaser]

Usually you will only have the urge to check your bf's phone if your bf is super hot and sexy, cos that makes u insecure.

So thats why i dont blame my boyfriends for doing that.

[MarriedTop]

Usually you will only have the urge to check your bf's phone if your bf is super hot and sexy, cos that makes u insecure.

So thats why i dont blame my boyfriends for doing that.

Me too.

[innocense]

I asked if I could check his phone because I felt something is going on.

 

He said he's not meeting anyone and there's really nothing in it.

 

He couldn't let me check his phone because there are some very confidential information which he cannot let me see.

 

After our meals I told him that I am really uncomfortable about this and would like him to just let me check his phone so to comfort my heart.

 

He insisted no and said 'C'mon la, nothing mean nothing why you still want to check'

 

I walked away, figured that this is over for us.

 

Anyone else encountered this issue and do you ever reconcile at later stage?

 

 

[Guest anonymous]

What r u hiding in your phone? If u don't let your bf check it also means u r hiding something. Simple as that.

My ex didn't allow me to check and I said ok, I trust u. When he broke up with me I took his phone and check, he was having tons of trysts from grindr. I pity his new bf cause he's still doing it now (confirm on grindr). So if your Bf's initials are WJW and u see this post, go check now!

[VanillaChocolate]

I had an ex boyfruend who didnt allow me to check his phone. That resulted in him flirting when we were still in a relationship.

What was worse, I got to know it through his handphone. While being at his house and he was at the toilet.

Kept quiet untill he sent me home. Questioned im and he denied.

But we carried on. What a fool I think I was.

Current situation, I have a date.

But his whatsapp status is always at the last seen after reading my messages. When asked why he said its work. I said alright, I trust you.

But. I have doubts. Insecure.

How do I face this?

[mate69]

I had an ex boyfruend who didnt allow me to check his phone. That resulted in him flirting when we were still in a relationship.

What was worse, I got to know it through his handphone. While being at his house and he was at the toilet.

Kept quiet untill he sent me home. Questioned im and he denied.

But we carried on. What a fool I think I was.

Current situation, I have a date.

But his whatsapp status is always at the last seen after reading my messages. When asked why he said its work. I said alright, I trust you.

But. I have doubts. Insecure.

How do I face this?

 

I think both of you need to sit down and talk it out, voice your concerns but also assure him

that once this has been resolved (it must be, should not be allowed to fester) with a spirit of trust, it would bring the relationship to the next higher level

 

Good luck! 

[Guest anonymous]

Most gays are protective of their hp because they are closeted. But what's there to hide from a bf? I know u r gay already what. You surf porn? I'm ok with that. Don't tell me you are a spy hor. I can even check the phone in your presence. Won't touch work emails, fair?

It's a fact that for straight couples, affairs are almost always discovered by checking the hp. Trust isn't about being naive.

[lekoopi]

I have never checked on my ex BF phone, I alwasy repect his privacy and I believe in if there is anything, we need to talk it out.

 

when he started using jackd he knew more people. I am OK with that, I even asked him to show me who are they, but as usual he will refused. 

 

He told me before he cut off from me, that he meet up his new found friend regulary and is enjoying his & his friends company. He is the kind who dun really want to talk about our relationships when it turns sour.

 

So going forward, to check or not to check HP? I will still choose to respect my future BF privacy, that is his basic rights.

 

I tried mate 69 method.

"I think both of you need to sit down and talk it out, voice your concerns but also assure him

that once this has been resolved (it must be, should not be allowed to fester) with a spirit of trust, it would bring the relationship to the next higher level".

 

It won't woked especailly if the other party keep avoiding the discussion.

Edited December 28, 2014 by lekoopi

[Guest guest.alex]

It takes 2 hands to clap. No point trying to clap with one hand.

Leave that hand and hopefully u will find a hand that is will to clap with you in any situation...

[dagger]

In all honesty i used to think like many of you here that checking on my partner's phone was indeed an invasion of privacy and reeked of immense insecurty and immaturity on my part but after what happened in my last relationship, i now have a slightly different take on this issue. I happened to find out that my then boyfriend was sleeping around (one of his flings was a very good friend of mine) when he asked me to message a mutual friend to confirm our dinner plans while he was in the shower. Well all i can say is that i saw some things which he wouldn't have wanted me to see and that triggered my curiosity to scroll through the other messages. Of course things ended in a very awful note but i was glad that i managed to nip this relationship in the bud on top of seeing the true colours of my good friend. This unfortunate episode whereby i inadvertently discovered by partner's infidelity was definitely a blessing in disguise. It was a good lesson learnt but more importantly, it prompted me to leave a cheating partner 6 months into the relationship and by doing so, spared me the heartbreaking anguish and minimised the potential detrimental consquences (STDs) had i discovered his gallivanting and philandering ways later.

I think its easy for an outsider to say that this episode was a mere testament of the lack of trust and stability in our relationship (which i concur without a doubt). Afterall we were together for barely 6 months and considering that there are many wives who are totally unaware that their husbands are closet gays even after decades of marriage, i reckon its reasonable to be skeptical about the morality of someone you had only known for six months. No matter how prim and proper and righteous one appears on the surface, there's always a chance he's hiding something. 所谓知人知面不知心，很多时候最亲密的枕边人会是伤害你最深的人。Well at the end of the day i guess its what you are trying to accompish by checking on his mobile phone. Basically i feel there are a few reasons why one is inclined to do so.

Most people do it just to give themselves some peace of mind - you know you trust him (and he probably is not misbehaving) but you just want to get some tangible assurance, especially on days when you are feeling a tad insecure. I think there's no harm in doing that as long as u do it discreetly, just dont give him the opportunity to berate you for being sneaky, paranoid and distrusting if he ever finds out; no point causing unnecesary friction in the relationship if he has been genuinely faithful and loving. Having said that, if your partner is the sort who will cleverly 偷吃后会抹嘴并毁尸灭据， then its pretty much futile to conduct all these spot-checks. However, if having this sense of false security does help to allay your anxiety, then go ahead but do it prudently.

I guess the question is whether you are prepared to face the music if you ever find out that your bf is not exactly the perfect man you have always visualised him to be. Some people would rather not know what their partners are doing behind their backs with the mentality that ignorance is bliss, as long as he continues to love you and come back to you every night ,you are okay with the occasional romps even if deep down you are fully aware that it's not so occasional afterall. Some people , like myself, would prefer to know the truth as i'm utterly comfortable with the idea of me being 蒙在鼓里. Moreover, im a firm believer of monogamy and who knows what kind of diseases he might have caught from the 野花 outside if he's an avid predator. I think the saddest scenario is when one knows that his bf is the cheating kind (99% chance that that is sleeping with someone outside) but chooses to 自欺欺人 and then one day when he decides to spontaneously conducts a spot-check, his world comes crashing down because of something he has known from day 1.

Its really hard to say if this is the right thing to do or not as every situation is unique. For me if i truly love and trust my partner to posess the integrity not to do anything that will potentially devastate me, i probably will not do such a thing although it can be very tempting at times. But if we have just gotten together and i still have my doubts about his commitment, i can't guarantee that i wont peek at his phone if an opportunity aries. I'd be the first to admit that im a cynical, selfish bitch with a fatalistic outlook of life but at the end of the day, i'd prefer to find out and end the relationship ealier 长痛不如短痛 rather than finding out only after we have been together for years. The damage can be irreversible by then.

I feel you, and I know what you are taking about. Hugs

[mushroomhead4u]

Have u checked yr bf or date phone before and found out he's flirting outside? How did u reacted ? How did u handle it? How did u confronted him? let's discuss here Tks

This is such a rude thing to do in the first place !

[dagger]

This is such a rude thing to do in the first place !

To all those arguing that it's rude to invade your bf's privacy, I think it's ruder to cheat.

Both privacy and fidelity are social constructs, they are not natural. Each is entitled to decide for himself or herself which is more important of the two.

[mushroomhead4u]

To all those arguing that it's rude to invade your bf's privacy, I think it's ruder to cheat.

Both privacy and fidelity are social constructs, they are not natural. Each is entitled to decide for himself or herself which is more important of the two.

I did not say is ok to cheat, dude..

[Guest Josh]

When i begin with my bf, i didnt check my bf phone until one day we had lunch he ask me to view his phone application when suddenly one of his friend send whatsapp. The message contain about sex. After that i found out not only one guy. He actually have sex with a lot of guys. I confront him and he say will change. But this kind of incidents keep happentoo.

[fab]

If u r not ready to break up, u better dont check.

[Guest Guest]

well, like many i respect the privacy of others.

 

although i dont mind if my date/bf checking my phone since i got nothing to hide, they can even open up my grindr and jackd to see if im behaving but it seems that not everyone is open to that

 

i admit that i sometimes like to peep or ask what my partner is doing on the phone but he always hide it or decline to comment further so it makes me very doubtful at times but then i give him the benefit of the doubts that he just wants his privacy but when he does that to me, being a very open person i would tell him what im doing but sometimes when im more conscious, i would be like him concealing all info on what im doing on phone.

 

the problem then came, he become not pleased and would tell me that if im texting normal friends, then no need to hide and since its open, y cant he see what im doing

 

to me, i sometimes get a bit tired by this type of non mutual communications. 

 

conclusion is if you want to check others, be prepared to be checked too