Open Relationship Discussion (Compiled)

[Guest Guest]

1 hour ago, tomcat said:

not really a matured observation.

 

the reality is that most relationships start monogamous, but become more lenient with time. this is because both sides get tired of fuxking the same hole/mouth.  

 

he may think you are the most delicious, but if you are the only dish he gets to eat for the rest of his life, he will get tired too eventually. we may be gay, but we are still men. 

 

so the open relationship exists because love is deeper than sex. most couples play around, but they stay committed emotionally to one person. he can have a few buddies, but only one man is actually worthy of building a life together.

 

and building a life is more than just fidelity. it is compromise, understanding and communication. the fact that you have such a simplistic view of a relationship shows the level of maturity.

Sounds so illogical and I cringe when I read this.

 

Distasteful. 

[wilfgene]

On 10/25/2020 at 5:36 PM, dex7 said:

IMO, people who go for open relationships just can't settle down for a partner. They usually wanna fuck around but want to love one man. But really, that's really risky, considering the number of sexual partners the person has. I wouldn't want to risk myself tbh. 

 

2 hours ago, tomcat said:

not really a matured observation.

 

the reality is that most relationships start monogamous, but become more lenient with time. this is because both sides get tired of fuxking the same hole/mouth.  

 

he may think you are the most delicious, but if you are the only dish he gets to eat for the rest of his life, he will get tired too eventually. we may be gay, but we are still men. 

 

so the open relationship exists because love is deeper than sex. most couples play around, but they stay committed emotionally to one person. he can have a few buddies, but only one man is actually worthy of building a life together.

 

and building a life is more than just fidelity. it is compromise, understanding and communication. the fact that you have such a simplistic view of a relationship shows the level of maturity.

He finds you immature.  Are you going to become mature?  For him?

[tomcat]

4 minutes ago, wilfgene said:

 

He finds you immature.  Are you going to become mature?  For him?

 

Why for me? Become mature for himself and his own happiness, lol. 

 

When all is said and done, I have almost 10 years of relationship in my pocket. And it is also not lost on me that I stand amongst a small demographic of gay men whose union actually lasts, and has stood the test of time. 

 

Meanwhile, what do haters have? Nothing but their clock ticking by year after year. That's what happens when you live in delusional fantasy of a perfect romance with Mr Right, while you yourself is Mr Wrong.

 

Unrealistic ideals, made up goals and palace empress storylines do not build a life. I rather live in the real world, where we both communicate our intentions, desires and respect each other for it. 

[wilfgene]

On 10/25/2020 at 5:36 PM, dex7 said:

IMO, people who go for open relationships just can't settle down for a partner. They usually wanna fuck around but want to love one man. But really, that's really risky, considering the number of sexual partners the person has. I wouldn't want to risk myself tbh. 

 

56 minutes ago, wilfgene said:

 

He finds you immature.  Are you going to become mature?  For him?

 

43 minutes ago, tomcat said:

 

Why for me? Become mature for himself and his own happiness, lol. 

 

When all is said and done, I have almost 10 years of relationship in my pocket. And it is also not lost on me that I stand amongst a small demographic of gay men whose union actually lasts, and has stood the test of time. 

 

Meanwhile, what do haters have? Nothing but their clock ticking by year after year. That's what happens when you live in delusional fantasy of a perfect romance with Mr Right, while you yourself is Mr Wrong.

 

Unrealistic ideals, made up goals and palace empress storylines do not build a life. I rather live in the real world, where we both communicate our intentions, desires and respect each other for it. 

He finds you unhappy, and delusional.  Are you going to become undelusionally happy?  For him?  With neuro-syphylis?

[Steve5380]

4 hours ago, tomcat said:

 

so the open relationship exists because love is deeper than sex. most couples play around, but they stay committed emotionally to one person. he can have a few buddies, but only one man is actually worthy of building a life together.

 

and building a life is more than just fidelity. it is compromise, understanding and communication. the fact that you have such a simplistic view of a relationship shows the level of maturity.

 

I think the same way.  Love is deeper than sex.  And this love does not need to be all so noble.  There can be materialism too, like a feeling of security, of safety, of stability, an enduring companionship.  

[yoyo74]

7 hours ago, tomcat said:

so the open relationship exists because love is deeper than sex. most couples play around, but they stay committed emotionally to one person. he can have a few buddies, but only one man is actually worthy of building a life together.

Getting a few man worthy of building a life together is better than one lol

[Steve5380]

1 hour ago, yoyo74 said:

Getting a few man worthy of building a life together is better than one lol

 

This is true if life one builds his life with repeated sessions of hot sex. 

.

Edited October 27, 2020 by Steve5380

[tomcat]

On 10/28/2020 at 1:36 AM, yoyo74 said:

Getting a few man worthy of building a life together is better than one lol

ok let's not be greedy now...lol

[will7z]

After reading this interesting thread from the very beginning, I have several takeaways.
 

There are two levels of open relationship (o/s), i.e. the sexual one and the emotional one. There are usually three parties involved, i.e. the couple who live together and the third newcomer who has fun with either or both of them. 
 

It is generally easier to manage the o/s for couples who have been together for fairly long years hence built up strong bondings in their lives that transcend pure sex, they can love each other in many other ways. They also have clearly communicated rules about their o/s, e.g only NSA physical sex outside the house with no repeated player, each party knows who the other party is having fun with, etc. In such case, o/r works. Regarding the newcomer, as long as he has the daring to play the physical game without any emotion involved, and he is attractive enough to have fun with many different people, hence can easily walk away from the couple on his own will, he shall also be fine playing the role without being hurt.

 

However, that is the only way I believe o/r works for the three parties. Other than that, o/s can easily become a disaster to any of the three parties. For example, one of the couple developed emotional attachment with the newcomer after fucking for too long (日久生情), or the bondings between the couple are not strong and enduring enough, the newcomer would break the couple’s original balance and even replace one of them. Or even worse, one side emotion developed within the newcomer towards one of the couple, but can’t be reciprocated by that party. Then the newcomer would fall into catastrophic emotional pain that may last months or years.

 

Therefore, o/r is kind of dangerous to certain extent and requires careful management by mentally mature and rational people (but I think our gays are more emotional, including myself). That’s why many people can easily see examples of failures in o/r yet a handful of couples are fully enjoying the benefit of having o/r while keeping their own domestic relationship as long as they can.

Edited December 9, 2020 by will7z

[mijsdlog]

I assume the topic deals with the sexual part of the relationship.

Sexual exclusivity has become less important to me over time. I think that it has come with the realisation that:

- having sex doesn't equate to giving yourself to the sexual partner

- you can very well remain intimate and in a loving relationship without sexual attraction

- being in a relationship does not mean you are entitled to 100% of your partner's moments of pleasure/excitement/sadness etc.

- you and your partner become more accommodating and loving to each other when you both are happy and fulfilled (and that includes physical pursuits, which are just as valid as spiritual pursuits)

- it is unreasonable to expect your partner to be the only provider for everything in your life; he/she could be a great fit for most things, but just somehow not quite in step when it comes to sex

 

Of course you may be lucky and he/she is a very good fit sexually as well, you both want it equally often, and at the same time.  Otherwise, being open can potentially help avoid setting yourselves up for betrayal. But you need to arrive at an understanding on what your emotional triggers are, i.e. what scenarios are not ok, and always respect that agreement.

[FattChoy]

On 12/3/2005 at 6:52 PM, snowball said:

If a guy that u Love or Like alot ask for open relationship,how is your reaction & decision?Or he even want 3some with someone to join in sometimes,will u agree?

I won't agree if really happen,but i can close one eye as long he is not doing infront of me & no third party involve,however i think it is very kinky having 3some with a couple

Why is a relationship closed by default?  He's a single guy, not married to you.  It should be you the one who should ask him if he agree to stop fucking other people.

[Steve5380]

15 hours ago, FattChoy said:

Why is a relationship closed by default?  He's a single guy, not married to you.  It should be you the one who should ask him if he agree to stop fucking other people.

 

Aren't you a single guy, not married to him?  Why should it not be him the one who should ask you if you agree to stop fucking other people?

[FattChoy]

3 hours ago, Steve5380 said:

 

Aren't you a single guy, not married to him?  Why should it not be him the one who should ask you if you agree to stop fucking other people?

The context is in snowball's post.

[Guest Sad]

On 10/27/2020 at 8:02 PM, Guest Guest said:

Sounds so illogical and I cringe when I read this.

 

Distasteful. 

agree. Lots of self-justification. If you get bored of that hole or dick and decided that it gives you the right to look elsewhere, don’t blame the world when people get sick and tired of you.

 

I really cannot understand how one can claim that he is committed to his partner emotionally and sex is just sex. You can climax without having any feelings? It is sad when you no longer find your partner sexually attractive, or wants more men to fulfil your needs. This is playing with fire. To each his own.

[Guest Guest]

Very curious, why is there a spike in guys who are in open relationship and seeking for “friends and more”. Would you guys get involved with them? Or pass? 

[Guest Just curious]

I see the trend too. I'll pass. 

 

Gay is a SEXUAL orientation, so the sexual part might get boring; you need to find new sexual partners every now and then. There is no other attachment (sharing kids/BTO) so the string is quite loose between a gay couple.

[Steve5380]

On 6/8/2021 at 8:17 PM, Guest Sad said:

agree. Lots of self-justification. If you get bored of that hole or dick and decided that it gives you the right to look elsewhere, don’t blame the world when people get sick and tired of you.

 

I really cannot understand how one can claim that he is committed to his partner emotionally and sex is just sex. You can climax without having any feelings? It is sad when you no longer find your partner sexually attractive, or wants more men to fulfil your needs. This is playing with fire. To each his own.

 

Sexual attraction is much more complex than just looking for a hole or a dick.  It really escapes definition, the same as we cannot make an enumerated list that fully defines beauty.  And sexual attraction is not exclusive.  If you are attracted to someone, it does not mean that you lose attraction to others.    If her cooking is one of the reasons you fell in love with your wife,  should she feel cheated if you enjoy the food in some restaurant or cooked by someone else?

 

17 hours ago, Guest Just curious said:

 

Gay is a SEXUAL orientation, so the sexual part might get boring; you need to find new sexual partners every now and then. There is no other attachment (sharing kids/BTO) so the string is quite loose between a gay couple.

 

 

The string can be quite tight between gay and straight couples. It is much more than sharing this-and-that.  And it can exist perfectly well in the absence of sex.  LOVE is also difficult to define, like all emotions.  There are so many older straight couples passed the age of making children, who could not live the one without the other because... they love each other!   Why should this be different with gay couples?

[Guest Sex Food]

3 hours ago, Steve5380 said:

 If her cooking is one of the reasons you fell in love with your wife,  should she feel cheated if you enjoy the food in some restaurant or cooked by someone else?

 

Taking your wife out to eat is a statement of your growing affection for her and your desire for a private, intimate setting.
Having sex with someone other than your wife is not sign of affection to her.  If you wanted to compare sex with food.  I would rather say that open relationship is like putting too much salt and sugar into my salad and kill the purpose of my meal.