clementi Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 Joke: Loopholes On visiting a seriously ill lawyer in the hospital, his friend found him sitting up in the bed, frantically leafing through the bible. "What are you doing?" asked the friend. "Looking for loopholes," replied the lawyer. Quote
clementi Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 Joke: Couple’s Vacation A couple went on vacation to a resort up north. The husband liked to fish, and the wife liked to read. One morning the husband came back from fishing after getting up real early that morning and took a nap. While he slept, the wife decided to take the boat out. She was not familiar with the lake, so she rowed out and anchored the boat, and started reading her book. Along comes the Game Warden in his boat, pulls up alongside the woman's boat and asks her what she's doing? She says, "Reading my book." The Game Warden tells her she is in a restricted fishing area and she explains that she's not fishing. To which he replied, "But you have all this equipment. I will have to take you in and write you up!" Angry that the warden was being so unreasonable, the lady told the warden, "If you do that, I will charge you with rape." The warden, shocked by her statement, replied, "But I didn't even touch you." To which the lady replied, "Yes; but you have all the equipment!" Quote
clementi Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 Joke:It's Not the Detergent That Gets You A young boy, about eight years old, was at the corner "Mom & Pop" grocery picking out a pretty good size box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over, and, trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do. "Oh, no laundry," the boy said, "I'm going to wash my frog." "But you shouldn't use this to wash your frog. It's very powerful and if you wash your frog in this, he'll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him." But the boy was not to be stopped and carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his frog. About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy some candy. The grocer asked the boy how his frog was doing. "Oh, he died," the boy said. The grocer, trying not to be an I-told-you-so, said he was sorry the frog died but added, "I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your frog." "Well," the boy replied, "I don't think it was the detergent that killed him. "Oh? What was it then?" "I think it was the spin cycle!" Quote
clementi Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 Joke:Never Judge Your Neighbor's Laundry Skills A young couple moved into a new neighborhood.The next morning while they are eating breakfast, the young woman sees her neighbor hanging her laundry outside. “That laundry is not very clean,” she says. “She doesn’t know how to wash correctly. Perhaps she needs better laundry soap.”Her husband looked on, but remained silent. Every time her neighbor would hang her laundry to dry, the young woman would make the same comments. About one month later, the woman was surprised to see a nice clean wash on the line and said to her husband, “Look, she has learned how to wash correctly. I wonder how that happened?” The husband said, “I got up early this morning and cleaned our windows.” Quote
clementi Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 Joke:Village blacksmith The village blacksmith finally found an apprentice willing to work hard at low pay for long hours. The blacksmith immediately began his instructions to the lad, "When I take the shoe out of the fire, I'll lay it on the anvil; and when I nod my head, you hit it with this hammer." The apprentice did just as he told. Now he's the village blacksmith. Quote
clementi Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 Joke: Scam Joke WARNING! This new scam is being pulled mainly on older men.What happens is that when you stop for a red light, a young nude woman comes up and pretends to be washing your windshield. While she is doing this, another person opens your back door and steals anything in the car.They are very good at this.They got me 7 times Friday and 5 times Saturday. I wasn't able to find them on Sunday. Quote
clementi Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 Joke:Wife having affair Paddy and his two friends are talking at a bar. His first friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the electrician. The other day I came home and found wire cutters under our bedand they weren't mine." His second friend says: "I think my wife is having an affair with the plumber the other day I found a wrench under the bed and it wasn't mine." Paddy says: "I think my wife is having an affair with a horse." Both his friends look at him with utter disbelief. "No, I'm serious. The other day I came home and found a jockey under our bed." Quote
worldangel Posted January 25, 2015 Author Posted January 25, 2015 Joke: Discussion on honeymoon A couple was having a discussion about what to see and do now that they were safely in Florida on their honeymoon. Trying to assert himself rite off the bat, he exploded, "If it weren't for my money, we wouldn't be here at all!" The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money, not only would we not be in Florida, we wouldn't on a honeymoon, nor wouldthere be any "we" in the first place." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted January 25, 2015 Author Posted January 25, 2015 Joke: Half a Million is enough? Can I borrow that book of yours How To Become A Millionaire? Sure. Here you are. Thanks - but half the pages are missing. What's the matter? Isn't half a million enough for you? Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted January 25, 2015 Author Posted January 25, 2015 Joke: Just looking around A old blind man and his seeing eye dog walked into a store. When he gets in, he starts swinging his dog around. Upset by this, the manager of the store demanded to know what he was doing. The blind man calmly replied, "I'm just lookin' around." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted January 25, 2015 Author Posted January 25, 2015 Joke: At the departure gate A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted January 25, 2015 Author Posted January 25, 2015 Joke: Turkeys A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted January 25, 2015 Author Posted January 25, 2015 Joke: The cop and the kid The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted January 25, 2015 Author Posted January 25, 2015 Joke: Low Bridge ahead A truck driver was driving along the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted January 25, 2015 Author Posted January 25, 2015 Joke: Fellow blonde A blonde, out of money and down on her luck after buying air at a real bargain, needed money desperately. To raise cash, she decided to kidnap a child and hold him for ransom. She went to the local playground, grabbed a kid randomly, took her behind a building, and told her, "I've kidnapped you."She then wrote a big note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and leave it under the apple tree next to the slides on the south side of the playground. Signed, A blonde." The blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the apple tree. The blonde looked in the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow blonde?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted January 25, 2015 Author Posted January 25, 2015 Joke: Winking problem A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales representative for a large firm. The interviewer looks over his papers and says, "This is phenomenal. You've graduated from the best schools; your recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled. Normally, we'd hire you without a second thought. However, a sales representative has a highly visible position, and we're afraid that your constant winking will scare off potential customers. I'm sorry....we can't hire you." "But wait," he said. "If I take two aspirin, I'll stop winking!""Really? Great! Show me!" So the applicant reaches into his jacket pocket and begins pulling out all sorts of condoms: red condoms, blue condoms, ribbed condoms, flavored condoms; finally, at the bottom, he finds a packet of aspirin. He tears it open, swallows the pills, and stops winking. "Well," said the interviewer, "that's all well and good, but this is a respectable company, and we will not have our employees womanizing all over the country!" "Womanizing? What do you mean? I'm a happily married man!""Well then, how do you explain all these condoms?" "Oh, that," he sighed. "Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted January 25, 2015 Author Posted January 25, 2015 Joke: Assessment by Super-Computer A man goes to his physician and is shocked to find that he has been replaced by a super-computer. The computer asks him his ailments and the man says he has a sore elbow. A drawer pops out and he is asked to urinate in it. After a few bleeps and flashing lights the computer decides he has tennis elbow.The man is annoyed and decides to get one over on this machine so he asks his wife for a urine sample. He then mixes this with urine from his dog and his small son and to top it off, adds some of his sperm. He takes it to the computer-physician who again asks him for a sample. He places the urine/sperm sample in the drawer and the computer makes its usual display of bleeps and flashes before telling him that his wife is pregnant, his dog has rabies, his son has chicken pox and if he doesn't stop masturbating he'll never get rid of his tennis elbow. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted January 25, 2015 Author Posted January 25, 2015 Joke: The drunk A drunk in a bar pukes all over his own shirt, which was brand new before he came in. “Damn,” he says. “I puked on my shirt again. If the wife finds out, she’s gonna kill me.” “Not to worry,” says the bartender as he sticks a $20 bill in the drunk’s pocket. “Just tell her someone puked on you and gave you some cash to cover the cleaning bill.” So the drunk goes home and tells his wife about the guy who puked on him. She reaches into his pocket and finds two twenties. “Why are there two twenties?” she asks. The drunk replies, “Oh, yeah, he crapped in my pants, too.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted January 25, 2015 Author Posted January 25, 2015 Joke: The carpenter A carpenter was giving evidence about an accident he had witnessed. The lawyer for the defendant was trying to discredit him and asked him how far away he was from the accident. The carpenter replied, "Twenty-seven feet, six and one-half inches.""What? How come you are so sure of that distance?" asked the lawyer. "Well, I knew sooner or later some idiot would ask me. So I measured it!" replied the carpenter. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted January 25, 2015 Author Posted January 25, 2015 Joke: $2 for a fight A man being mugged by two thugs put up a tremendous fight! Finally, the thugs subdued him and took his wallet. Upon finding only two dollars in the wallet, the surprised thug said "Why did you put up such a fight?" To which the man promptly replied "I was afraid that you would find the $200 hidden in my shoe!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted January 25, 2015 Author Posted January 25, 2015 Joke: How was I born? Daddy, how was I born? Ah, very well, one day you need to find out anyway! Mom and Dad got together in a chat room on MSN. Dad set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber cafe. We snuck into a secluded room, and then your mother downloaded from your dad's memory stick. As soon as dad was ready for an upload, it was discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
clementi Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 Joke: Two mates chatting Two mates are having a chat over a beer. "Do you like Sheilas with bad body odour and bad breath?" one bloke asks his friend."No way!" his mate replies. "Well," says the first bloke, "do you like pussies you could hide a watermelon in?""Fuck no!" his mate replies. "Well," says the first bloke,"What the hell are you doing fuckin' around with my wife?" Quote
clementi Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 Joke: Your steak? Waiter: "How did you find your steak, sir,"? Young Man: "Quite accidentally, I assure you. I moved that piece of lettuce and there it was." Quote
clementi Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 Joke: Beep beep The eighty-eight-year-old millionaire married an eighteen-year-old country girl. He was quite content, but after a few weeks she told him that she was going to leave him if she didn't get some loving real soon. He had his chauffeured limousine take him to a high-priced specialist who studied him and then gave him a shot of spermatozoa. "Now look," the doctor said, "the only way you're going to get it up is to say "beep," and then to get it soft again, you say, "beep, beep." "How marvelous," the old man said. "Yes, but I must warn you," the doctor said," it's only going to work three times before you die." On his way home, the man decided he wasn't going to live through three of them anyway, so he decided to waste one trying it out. "Beep!" he said. Immediately he was UP. Satisfied, he said, "beep, beep," and he was down again. He chuckled with delight and anticipation. At that moment, a little yellow Volkswagen pulled past his limousine and went "beep," and the car in the opposite lane responded with "beep beep." Alert to his jeopardy, the old man instructed his chauffeur to "speed it up." He raced into the house as fast as he could for his last great lay. "Honey," he shouted at her, "don't ask questions. Just drop your clothes and hope into bed." Caught up in his excitement, she did. He undressed nervously and hurried in after her. Just as he was climbing into bed, he said,"beep," and he was UP. He was just starting to enter his young wife when she said,, "What's all this "beep beep" shit?" Quote
clementi Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 Joke: Old geezers A couple of geezers were sitting on a bench outside the nursing home, having a little chat. "How are you, Tom?" asked Marvin. "I'm not feeling well today - utterly exhausted," Tom replied. "I pulled a muscle and it's killing me." "That pulled muscle shouldn't make you so tired, though." "Well, it does if you pull it a couple of hundred times...." Quote
clementi Posted January 25, 2015 Posted January 25, 2015 Joke: Sexual Sofa An elderly woman entered a large furniture store and was greeted by a much younger salesman. "Is there something in particular I can show you?" he asked. "Yes, I want to buy a sexual sofa." "You mean a sectional sofa," he suggested. "Sectional schmectional." she bitterly retorted. "All I want is an occasional piece in the living room!" Quote
worldangel Posted January 26, 2015 Author Posted January 26, 2015 Joke:Personal question A guy walked up to a beautiful young woman in a bar. "Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?" he said to her. "I don't know," replied the beautiful young woman. "It depends how personal it is." "OK," the guy said. "How many men have you slept with?" "I'm not going to tell you that!" the woman exclaimed. "That's my business!" "Sorry," said the guy, "I didn't realize you made a living out of it." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted January 26, 2015 Author Posted January 26, 2015 Joke:Final Exam A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted January 26, 2015 Author Posted January 26, 2015 Joke:A woman & her dog A woman walks into a bar with her 5 pound Chihuahua and sits down next to this guy, whom she notices is feeling a little bit queasy. A few minutes go by and the guy looks at her and blows his chunks. He looks down and sees the little dog struggling in a pool of vomit and says, "Whoa, I don't remember eating that!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted January 26, 2015 Author Posted January 26, 2015 Joke:The drunken man After a heavy night at the pub, a drunken man decides to sleep off his drunkenness at a local hotel. He approaches the reception desk, takes care of the formalities and heads off to his suite. Several minutes later, the drunk staggers back to the reception desk and demands his room be changed. "But sir," said the clerk, "you have the best room in the hotel." "I insist on another room!!!" said the drunk. "Very good, sir. I'll change you from 502 to 525. Would you mind telling me why you don't like 502?" asked the clerk. "Well, for one thing," said the drunk, "it's on fire." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted January 26, 2015 Author Posted January 26, 2015 Joke:The designated decoy One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving under the influence laws. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. Then, sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started his engine and began to pull away.The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver, read him his rights and administered the Breathalyzer test. The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied, "Tonight, I'm the Designated Decoy." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted January 26, 2015 Author Posted January 26, 2015 Joke:Three men talking Three men were sitting in a bar talking about how whipped they had their wives.The first two kept bragging about how they could get their wives to do anything.They looked at the third man and he said, "I have my wife so whipped that the other day I had her crawling towards me on her hands and knees."Both of the other men were very impressed and asked him how he had managed that.The man replied, "Well, I was lying under the bed and she crawled over and said, "Come out and fight like a man!". Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted January 26, 2015 Author Posted January 26, 2015 Joke:Eileen who? This guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender looks at the guy and says" Have you seen Eileen?" The guy is rather confused and asked " Eileen who?"The bartender relies, "I lean over and you kiss my butt."Well the man was offended by this and walks out the door and into the bar across the street. So he sits down and orders a beer. While he is drinking his beer he tells the bartender what the other bartender said to him.The bartender then told him," You know what you should do, you should go back over there and ask him if he has seen Ben and when he says Ben who you say I bend over and you kiss my butt. So the guy goes back across the street and asks the Bartender if he has seen Ben. And the Bartender said "Yep, He just went out the door with Eileen."The guy asks" Eileen who? Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted January 26, 2015 Author Posted January 26, 2015 Joke:Step by step A drunk walks into a bar and notices a banner that says "win $10,000; ask bartender for details".He asks and the bartender says "well, you see that man at the end of the bar?". The drunk looks over and sees a huge, burley dude. The bartender says "if you can knock him out with one punch, you go to the second step...The door right behind that big guy opens into a room containing an alligator with a sore tooth. If you can pull his tooth and come out alive, you move on to step three...Those stairs next to the door go up to an eighty year old hooker's apartment. She has never been satisfied by any man. If you can satisfy her, you win the money!"The drunk says ok and orders a double shot of whiskey. He belts that down, walks to the end of the bar and POW!, knocks the big dude out. He orders another double, belts it down, walks to the door, steps inside and closes the door. BAM, CRASH, GROWL is all the bartender and patrons can hear for a few minutes and then total silence. Five minutes later, the drunk walks out of the room bloody, clothes shredded. He orders another double, drinks it and says "o.k., where's the hooker with the sore tooth?". Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted January 26, 2015 Author Posted January 26, 2015 Joke:At local bar One night a man decides to visit his local bar. He takes a seat and orders a beer. After polishing off his beer, he beckons the bartender over and says, "Betcha $20 I can bite my eye." The bartender scoffs and accepts. The man then calmly removes his false eye and bites it. The bartender grudgingly forks over a twenty. Later that night, after a few more beers, the man wanders back to the bar and says rather drunkenly, "Hey barkeep, betcha another $20 I can bite my other eye." Wanting to win back his money and seriously doubtful that the man has two false eyes, the bartender accepts. The man calmly removes his false teeth and bites his other eye. Scowling, the bartender hands over another twenty. The man leaves and wanders around the bar as he drinks a few more beers. He strolls back over to the bar, leaning on it, again and calls the bartender, "Hey, barkeep," he burbles, "I'll give you a chance to win yer money back plus. Betcha $100 if you put a shot glass on that end of the bar, and I stood on this end, I could piss into it and not spill a drop." The bartender eagerly accepts, knowing the feat to be impossible. The man wobbily climbs atop the bar, zips down his fly and promptly pisses all over the bar. He zips up, sits down, slaps the $100 on the bar and laughs uproarously. "What's so funny?" says the barkeep. "You just lost everything you won and more!" Well," giggles the man, "I just bet those guys over there $200 that I could piss all over your bar and you wouldn't get angry." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted January 26, 2015 Author Posted January 26, 2015 Joke:At local bar One night a man decides to visit his local bar. He takes a seat and orders a beer. After polishing off his beer, he beckons the bartender over and says, "Betcha $20 I can bite my eye." The bartender scoffs and accepts. The man then calmly removes his false eye and bites it. The bartender grudgingly forks over a twenty. Later that night, after a few more beers, the man wanders back to the bar and says rather drunkenly, "Hey barkeep, betcha another $20 I can bite my other eye." Wanting to win back his money and seriously doubtful that the man has two false eyes, the bartender accepts. The man calmly removes his false teeth and bites his other eye. Scowling, the bartender hands over another twenty. The man leaves and wanders around the bar as he drinks a few more beers. He strolls back over to the bar, leaning on it, again and calls the bartender, "Hey, barkeep," he burbles, "I'll give you a chance to win yer money back plus. Betcha $100 if you put a shot glass on that end of the bar, and I stood on this end, I could piss into it and not spill a drop." The bartender eagerly accepts, knowing the feat to be impossible. The man wobbily climbs atop the bar, zips down his fly and promptly pisses all over the bar. He zips up, sits down, slaps the $100 on the bar and laughs uproarously. "What's so funny?" says the barkeep. "You just lost everything you won and more!" Well," giggles the man, "I just bet those guys over there $200 that I could piss all over your bar and you wouldn't get angry." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted January 26, 2015 Author Posted January 26, 2015 Joke:Have a nice weekend A man bought a new Mercedes to celebrate his wife leaving him and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him. "There's no way they can catch a Mercedes," he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, 100.....Then the reality of the situation hit him. "What am I doing?" he thought and pulled over.The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car. "It's been a long hard day, this is the end of my shift and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like more paperwork, I don't need the frustration or the overtime, so if you can give me a really good excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go." The guy thinks about it for a second and says, "Last week my nagging wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back!""Have a nice weekend," said the officer. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted January 26, 2015 Author Posted January 26, 2015 Joke:Doctor’s consultation A man asked his doctor if he thought he'd live to be a hundred. The doctor asked the man, "Do you smoke or drink?" "No," he replied, "I've never done either." "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, and fool around with women?" inquired the doctor. "No, I've never done any of those things either." "Well then," said the doctor, "what do you want to live to be a hundred for?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted January 26, 2015 Author Posted January 26, 2015 Joke:Consoling a friend A guy was trying to console a friend who'd just found his wife in bed with another man."Get over it, buddy," he said. "It's not the end of the world." "It's all right for you to say," answered his buddy. "But whatif you came home one night and caught another man in bed with your wife?" The fella ponders for a moment then says, "I'd break his cane and kick his seeing-eye dog in the ass." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted January 26, 2015 Author Posted January 26, 2015 Joke:Psychiatrist’s consultation A woman came to the psychiatrist worried. "Doctor," she said, "I can't sleep at night. When I'm in the next room, I have this dreadful fear that I won't hear the baby if he falls out of the crib at night. What should I do?" "Easy," said the doctor. "Just take the carpet off the floor." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted January 26, 2015 Author Posted January 26, 2015 Joke:Medical check-up An old man and his wife went to the doctor for a check-up.While the man is with the doctor, the doctor asked him, "So how haslife been treating you?" The old man replies,"The Lord's been good to me. Every night when I go to the bathroom, He turns the light on and when I'm finished, He turns the light off." While the old woman is with the doctor, the doctor told her what herhusband said. She replied, "Damn it! The old fart's been pissing in the ice box again!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted January 26, 2015 Author Posted January 26, 2015 Joke:Old couple An old man and old woman got married and went on their honeymoon. Theywere in bedgetting ready to have sex for the first time and the old woman said Ishould tell you I haveacute angina. The old man says I hope so, you sure don't have cute tits. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted January 26, 2015 Author Posted January 26, 2015 Joke:An art exhibition A tiny but dignified old lady was among a group looking at an art exhibition in a newly opened gallery. Suddenly one contemporary painting caught her eye. "What on earth," she inquired of the artist standing nearby, "isthat?" He smiled condescendingly. "That, my dear lady, is supposed to be a mother and her child." "Well, then," snapped the little old lady, "why isn't it?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted January 26, 2015 Author Posted January 26, 2015 Joke: At psychiatrist’s clinic A woman came to the psychiatrist worried. "Doctor," she said, "I can't sleep at night. When I'm in the next room, I have this dreadful fear that I won't hear the baby if he falls out of the crib at night. What should I do?" "Easy," said the doctor. "Just take the carpet off the floor." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted January 26, 2015 Author Posted January 26, 2015 Joke: When pigeon flies …… An old couple is on a walk, when a pigeon flies by and deposits a poopy little present on the woman's head. "Yech!" says the woman. "Get some toilet paper." "What for? He must be half-a-mile away by now." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted January 26, 2015 Author Posted January 26, 2015 Joke:At senior’s home An elderly couple in a senior's home used to visit the recreation room everyday. While there, the old lady would sit quite contently holding the old guys' penis. One day she goes down to the recreation room and is mortified to find her man with another women holding his penis. "What's she got that I don't have" she says. He looks up with a large smile on his face and replies "Parkinson's" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted January 26, 2015 Author Posted January 26, 2015 Joke: He could fly? One night, an 87-year-old woman came home from Bingo to find her husband in bed with another woman. Angry, she became violent and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their apartment, killing him instantly. When brought before the court on charges of murder, she was asked if she had anything to say to defend herself. "Well, Your Honor," she replied coolly. "I figured that at 92, if he could make love to another woman, he could fly!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted January 27, 2015 Author Posted January 27, 2015 Joke: Life Before Computer A little girl was watching her mother prepare a fish for dinner. Her mother cut the head and tail off the fish and then placed it into a baking pan. The little girl asked her mother why she cut the head and tail off the fish. Her mother thought for a while and then said, “I’ve always done it that way – that’s how Grandma did it.” Not satisfied with the answer, the little girl went to visit her Grandma to find out why she cut the head and tail off the fish before baking it.Grandma thought for a while and replied, “I don’t know. My mother always did it that way.” So the little girl and the Grandma went to visit Great Grandma to find ask if she knew the answer. Her Great Grandma thought for a while and said, Because, in my day, we had only a small kitchen, and my baking pan was too small to fit in the whole fish. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted January 27, 2015 Author Posted January 27, 2015 (edited) Joke:Wedding Anniversary A man and his wife, now in their 60′s, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish. The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands. The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger. Whoosh…immediately he turned ninety!!! Gotta love that fairy! Edited January 27, 2015 by worldangel Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
worldangel Posted January 27, 2015 Author Posted January 27, 2015 Joke: Gorilla A gorilla walks into a bar and orders a martini to the amazement of the bartender. When the bartender gives the gorilla the martini, he’s further surprised to see that the ape is holding a $20 bill. The bartender takes the $20, then he decides to see just how smart the gorilla is, so he hands the gorilla on $1 change.The gorilla quietly sips the martini until the bartender breaks the silence. “We don’t get too many apes in here,” he says.The gorilla replies, “At $19 a drink, I’m not surprised.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak"
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