worldangel Posted November 11, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 11, 2016 Joke: Little angel One Christmas, a long time ago, Santa Claus was getting ready for his annual trip; but there were problems ...... everywhere. Four of his elves were away sick and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones. So, Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule. Then, Mrs. Claus popped in to tell Santa that her mother was coming to stay for Christmas; which stressed him even more. After a while, he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and run away, heaven knows where to. Then, when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards broke and several large toy-bags fell to the ground, scattering their contents all over the place. Needless to say, Santa was not in the best of moods. Suddenly, the doorbell rang and he went to the door expecting another problem. But when he opened it, there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree that she had brought especially to cheer him up. The angel greeted him very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas Santa Claus. Isn't it just a wonderful day? I have a beautiful tree for you. See, isn't it just the loveliest Christmas tree you've ever seen? Where would you like me to put it?" Thus began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 11, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 11, 2016 Joke: A Blonde walks into a Restaurant ... A Blonde walks into a Restaurant, and she goes straight to the bulletin board in the back. The blonde is looking at the bulletin board and she sees a piece of paper that said "Ocean Cruise Only 5$" She pulls the piece of paper off the wall and goes to the address listed on the back of paper. She walks into the building and hands the secretary the piece of paper. The secretary nods and asks if she had the five dollars. The blonde nods and pulls five dollars out of her pocket and hands it to the secretary. The secretary looks over to a burly black guy reading a newspaper. She nods to the black guy. He stood up and nocks the blonde unconcious. When the blonde wakes up she's tied to a log and is floating down river. She started to think that this was a bad idea. When she sees one of her friends (who is also blonde) tied to a log floating right next to her. In a Joking manner blonde she looks at her friend and says "So do you think they're going to serve us some food on this trip?" The other blonde replies "They didn't serve any last year." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 11, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 11, 2016 Joke: Boy Scouts Boy Scouts from the city were on a camping trip. The mosquitoes were so fierce, the boys had to hide under their blankets to avoid being bitten. Then one of them saw some lightning bugs and said to his friend, "We might as well give up. They are coming after us with flashlights." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 11, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 11, 2016 Joke: A blonde and a redhead met in a bar ... A blonde and a redhead met in a bar after work for a drink, and were watching the 6 O'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge. The blonde bet the redhead $50 that he wouldn't jump, and the redhead replied, 'I'll take that bet!' Anyway, sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead the $50 she owed. The redhead said 'I can't take this, you're my friend.' The blonde said 'No. A bet's a bet'. So the redhead said 'Listen, I have to admit, I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money'. The blonde replied, 'Well, so did I, but I never thought he'd jump again!' Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 11, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 11, 2016 Joke: Christmas Eve Accident Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering they must present something related to or associated with Christmas. The first man searches his pockets and finds mistletoe, so he is allowed in. The second man presents a candy cane, so he is also allowed in. The third man pulls out a pair of stockings. Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, "How do these represent Christmas?" "They're Carol's." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 11, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 11, 2016 Joke: Best Diet A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet. "I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks,” he instructs her: “The next time I see you, you'll have lost at least 5 pounds." When the blonde returns, she's lost nearly 20 pounds. "Why, that's amazing!" the doctor says: "Did you follow my instructions?" The blonde nods: "I'll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day," she says. "From hunger, you mean?" the doctor asks. "No, from skipping." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 11, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 11, 2016 Joke: Calorie distribution Veronica and Deborah decided to split a can of Diet Pepsi. Veronica opened the can, and poured half the contents into her own glass, and half into her friend's glass. Before tossing the can, she stopped to read the nutritional information on the side. "Only one calorie per can," she read aloud. "Hmm," murmured Deborah. "I wonder which glass has the calorie?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 11, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 11, 2016 Joke: Holiday Feast A woman walks into a tattoo parlor. She gets into the chair and tells the tattoo artist, "I want two tattoos, one on each of my inner thighs. I want a turkey on one thigh and a Christmas tree on the other." The tattoo artist begins his work, but is a bit confused, so he says, "Lady, I'll do anything my customers want, but I gotta ask, why would you want a turkey on one thigh and a Christmas tree on the other?" "Well, if you really want to know," she firmly answers, "I'm sick and tired of my husband telling me that there's never anything to eat between the holidays." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 11, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 11, 2016 Joke: Pulling into the crowded parking ... Pulling into the crowded parking lot at the shopping center rolled down the car windows to make sure my puppy had fresh air. She was stretched full out on the back seat and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there. I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically, "Now you stay. Do you hear me? "Stay! Stay!" The driver of a nearby car, a pretty young lady, gave me a strange look and said, "Why don't you just put it in park?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 11, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 11, 2016 Joke: After-Christmas Sale I was walking back through this mall in January; there was a girl in front of Victoria’s Secret who stopped me. She was like, Hey, how’s it going? I was like, Good, how are you? She goes, Well, I’m curious, are you shopping for a wife or girlfriend today? I was like, No, why? She goes, Well, were having this after-Christmas sale, and all our bras are 50% off. And I go, I like when your bras are 100% off. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 12, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 12, 2016 Joke: Three visitors to London climb up... Three visitors to London climb up the tower that houses Big Ben and decide to have a contest. They're going to throw their watches off the top, run down the stairs and try to catch the watches before they hit the ground. The first tourist throws his watch, takes three steps and hears his watch crash. The second throws his watch and takes only two steps when he hears his watch shatter. The third tosses his watch off the tower, jogs down the stairs, goes to a candy store, buys a snack, walks back to Big Ben and catches his watch. "How did you do that?" asks one of his friends. "My watch is 30 minutes slow." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 12, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 12, 2016 Joke: Recently a teacher, a garbage ...Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question. St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it." The teacher answered quickly, "That would be the Titanic." St. Peter let him through the gate. St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn't REALLY need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: "How many people died on the ship?" Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie and answered, "about 1,500." "That's right! You may enter." St. Peter then turned to the lawyer. "Name them." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 12, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 12, 2016 Joke: Two vampire bats... Two vampire bats are hanging upside down in a cave. One of the bats feels rather hungry. "Let's go and find some blood", he suggests. "I don't think you can get any blood this time of the day", says the other bat. "Well, I want some blood and I want it now!", says the first bat and prepares to take off. "Are you coming or what?" "Don't be stupid, you'll just waste your time", says the second bat. So the first bat flies anyway. After a few minutes he is back with blood smeared all over his face. "Where did you manage to find blood this time of the day?", asks the second bat. "Well, do you see that tree out there?", says the first bat and points at a tree outside the cave, "Do you see that tree?" "Yes", says the second bat, "of course I see it". "Well, I didn't", replies the first. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 12, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 12, 2016 Joke: An old man was sitting on a bench ...An old man was sitting on a bench in the mall when a young man with spiked hair came over and sat down beside him. The boy's hair was bright yellow and green with orange tips, and he had blue makeup around his eyes. The old man kept looking at him. The boy said, "What's the matter, old man, haven't you ever done anything wild in your life?" The old man answered, "Well yes, actually, I have. I got drunk once and had sex with a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 12, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 12, 2016 Joke: Three convicts were on the way...Three convicts were on the way to prison. They were each allowed to take one item with them to help them occupy their time whilst stuck behind bars. On the bus, one turned to another and said, "So, what did you bring?" The second convict pulled out a box of paints and stated that he intended to paint anything he could. He wanted to become the "Grandma Moses of Jail." Then he asked the first, "What did you bring?" The first convict pulled out a deck of cards and grinned and said, "I brought cards. I can play poker, solitaire and gin, and any number of games." The third convict was sitting quietly aside grinning to himself. The other two took notice and asked, "Why are you so smug? What did you bring?" The guy pulled out a box of tampons and smiled. "I brought these." The other two were puzzled and asked, "What can you do with those?" He grinned and pointed to the box and said, "Well according to the box, I can go horseback riding, swimming, roller-skating..." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 12, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 12, 2016 Joke: A very shy guy goes into a bar...A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?" She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table. After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations." To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 12, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 12, 2016 Joke: Three Guys In A Bar...Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your grandma's the best sex in town!" Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, so the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end. Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and says, "I just did your grandma, and it was suh-weeeet!" Again the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk goes back to the far end of the bar. Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, "And your grandma liked it!!" Finally the guy interrupts ..."Go home, Grandpa, you're drunk." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 12, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 12, 2016 Joke: We Don't Know A Thing At a country club party a young man was introduced to an attractive girl. Right away he began flattering her outrageously. The girl liked the young man, but she was taken a bit aback by his fast and ardent pitch. She was amazed when after an hour he seriously proposed marriage. “Look,” she said. “We only met an hour ago. There is no way you could be so sure. We don’t know a thing about each other.” “You are wrong,” the young man declared. “For the past seven years I’ve been working in the bank where your father has his business account.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 12, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 12, 2016 Joke: I Sent Him There for an Education “I sent my son to college to get an education,” complained Joseph to Allan, “but all he seems to do is shack up with girls, smoke pot, and have a good time.” “Most college students do that today,” replied Allan. “That’s the trouble,” snapped Joseph, “I should have kept him home and gone to college myself.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 12, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 12, 2016 Joke: Plenty of Fish in the Sea “Cheer up,” the lawyer advised his recently divorced colleague. “There are plenty of other fish in the sea.” “Maybe so,” replied his despondent friend, “but the last one took all my bait.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 12, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 12, 2016 Joke: Let's Eat One Now During camouflage training in Kentucky, a private, disguised as a tree trunk, makes a sudden move and is spotted by a visiting general. "You!" the officer barks. "Don’t you know that by jumping and yelling the way you did, you could have endangered the lives of the entire company?" "Yes, sir," the solder answers apologetically. "But, if I may say so, sir, I did stand still when a flock of pigeons used me for target practice and I never moved a muscle when a large dog peed on my lower branches but when two squirrels ran up my pants leg and I heard the bigger one say, 'Let’s eat one now and save the other until winter,' well that did it." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 12, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 12, 2016 Joke: Problem With Women"Doc," said the young man lying down on the couch, "You've got to help me! Every night I have the same horrible dream. I'm lying in bed when all of a sudden five women rush in and start tearing off my clothes." The psychiatrist nodded, "And what do you do?" "I push them away!" "I see. And what can I do to help you with this?" The patient implored, "Please--break my arms!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 12, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 12, 2016 Joke: Do You Smoke? Two prostitutes are talking and one says, "Do you smoke when you finish?" The other replies, "I don't know, I never checked." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 12, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 12, 2016 Joke: Six months...The middle aged man was visibly shaken when his Doctor advised that he had only 6 month's to live because of the terminal disease that was detected during a recent physical check-up. The Doctor suggested that he should get his "house in order", make sure his Will was current and ensure all final arrangements were in place for the funeral. He should then make plans to enjoy what might be left of his life, to the fullest. "What will you do for the last six months?" asked the Doctor. His patient thought for a few minutes then replied, "I think I'll go and live with my Mother-in-law". Surprised by the answer, the Doctor asked, "Of all people, why in the would you want to live with your Mother-in-law?" "Because it'll be the longest six months of my Life!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 13, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 13, 2016 Joke: Password Rejected One day a man and his wife needed to type in a password so that they could login on. So the husband tries to be funny and types in 'penis'. His wife falls on the ground laughing when the computer replies, “PASSWORD REJECTED - NOT LONG ENOUGH”. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 13, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 13, 2016 Joke: Catch the Rabbit The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it. The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist. The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming. The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling, "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 13, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 13, 2016 Joke: Ways to Impress Men and Women HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN: 1) Compliment her. 2) Cuddle her. 3) Kiss her. 4) Caress her. 5) Love her. 6) Comfort her. 7) Protect her. 8) Hug her. 9) Listen to her. 10) Go to the ends of the earth for her. HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN: 1) Show up naked. 2) Bring beer. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 13, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 13, 2016 Joke: We Both Tried An elderly man went to the doctor and wanted a sperm check. The doctor said it wouldn't be necessary but the man demanded. So the doctor gave the man a jar and told him to come back the next day. The next day the old man came back, the jar empty. "What happened?" the doctor asked. "Well," the old man said, "I tried with my left hand, I tried with my right hand, my wife tried with her left hand, she tried with her right hand, and she tried with her teeth in and her teeth out. No matter how hard we tried, we just couldn't get the lid off the jar." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 13, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 13, 2016 Joke: I Hate My Mother-In-Law Two cannibals were sitting by a fire. The first says, "Gee, I hate my mother-in-law." The 2nd cannibal replied, "So, try potatoes." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 13, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 13, 2016 Joke: No More Kids, Doc There is a man from West Virginia who has ten children and doesn't want anymore. So he decides to go see his doctor. He says, "Doc I have ten kids and I don't want anymore, what can you do about it?" The doctor says, "Go home, get a soda can and a cherry bomb, light the cherry bomb, put it in the can, hold it to your ear, and count to ten." Well the man isn't sure about this so he goes to get a second opinion from a doctor in North Carolina. He goes into the doctor’s office and tells the doctor, "Doc I have ten kids and I don't want anymore what can you do about it?" Well the doctor tells him, "Just hop up on the table and snip, snip, and we are through." The man says, "Whoa doc, my doctor in West Virginia told me...." "Wait. You are from West Virginia? Here's what you do. Get a soda can and a cherry bomb, light the cherry bomb, drop it in the can, hold it to your ear, and count to ten." So upon hearing this the man leaves and goes home. He gets the soda can and the cherry bomb. He lights it, puts it to his ear, and counts on one hand 1,2,3,4,5, then he puts the can between his legs and counts on the other hand 6,7,8,9... Boooom! No more kids. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 13, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 13, 2016 Joke: I Strongly Suspect A certain professor arrived late for a lecture to find a most uncomplimentary drawing of himself on the blackboard. Fuming, he asked the class joker in the front row, "Who, pray, was responsible for this atrocity?" The joker won tremendous prestige with his reply, "I really don't know, but I strongly suspect its parents." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 13, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 13, 2016 Joke: How Much Do I Owe You, Doc? A guy goes to the doctor. He says to the doctor, "Doc, you got to help me. I've had this erection for weeks. It hurts so bad, I can't put up with it anymore. So, can you help me?" The doctor says, "I can help you." So he licks his two fingers and smacks the guy's penis. Then a bug flew off and his penis went back to normal. Then the guy said, "Doc, I feel great now! How much do I owe you?" The doctor says, "Find me that bug and you don't owe me anything." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 13, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 13, 2016 Joke: Three Guys In A Bar Three guys in a bar are discussing a female acquaintance that is trying without success to have a family. The first says, “I believe she is impregnable.” The second says, “I think she is inconceivable.” The third disagrees, saying, “You’re both off the mark. She is obviously unbearable.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 13, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 13, 2016 Joke: The Girls Are Hungry A number of showgirls were entertaining the troops at a remote Army camp. They had been performing all afternoon and were not only tired but also very hungry. Finally, at the close of the show, the major asked, “Would you girls like to mess with the enlisted men or the officers this evening?” “Either way,” spoke up one of them. “But we’ve just got to have something to eat first.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 13, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 13, 2016 Joke: That's Not A Worm Little Sally accidentally walks in on her father going to the bathroom. Shocked, she runs to her mother and cries, “Mommy, Mommy! Daddy has a big fat ugly worm hanging out of his wee-wee!” That’s not a worm, sweetie,” comforts the mother. “That’s a very important part of daddy’s body. If daddy didn’t have one of those, you wouldn’t be here. And now that I think about it … neither would I.” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 13, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 13, 2016 Joke: You Should Have Seen It Before A stalwart Vermont farmer bought some land that was still just as it had been before the Pilgrims landed. He dug up hundreds of stones and built a fence, cut down trees to create a clearing, built a house and a small barn, cleared land for pasture, dug a well, and over several years just generally worked his fingers to the bone in creating a small, neat, productive farm. Eventually his pastor came out for a visit and marveled rather fulsomely, and at great length, at all that "you and the Heaven have done together." "Eh," the farmer said dubiously. "Ya shoulda seen the place when the Heaven ran it on his own." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 13, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 13, 2016 Joke: Suppose I Gave You $100 On a country road, a speeder hit and killed a dog. The dog's owner stood nearby, a gun in his hand. The speeder said, "Looks as if I killed your dog." "Sure does." "I'm sorry. Was it a valuable dog?" "I wouldn't say that." "Well, suppose I gave you a hundred dollars. Would that be enough?" "Well, I don't know." "Two hundred dollars. That should do it." "Sounds good." The speeder reached into his pocket and came up with the money. Pressing it into the man's hand, he said, "I'm sorry I spoiled your plans to go hunting." "I wasn't going hunting. I was heading out to the woods to shoot that mangy dog." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 13, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 13, 2016 Joke: Have You Ever Geraldine: "Have you ever come across a man who, at the slightest touch, caused you to thrill and tremble and vibrate in every fiber of your being?" Mabel: "Oh, yes, for sure... the dentist." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 13, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 13, 2016 Joke: You Are My Witness In front of her husband, a woman blamed the housekeeper for her missing underwear. The housekeeper turns to the woman’s husband and says, "Sir, you are my witness, you know I never wear panties!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 14, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 14, 2016 Joke: I Took Measure A teenage girl confessed. "Mom, I’m pregnant." "How?" huffed the mother. "What did I tell you about sex?" “That I should take measures." "Well?" "Well, that’s what I did! I took measures and went with the biggest." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 14, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 14, 2016 Joke: I was out walking with my 4 year ...I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that. "Why?" my daughter asked. "Because it's been laying outside, you don't know where it's been, it's dirty and probably has germs" I replied. At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked, "Wow! How do you know all this stuff?" "Uh," I was thinking quickly, "All moms know this stuff. It's on the Mommy Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mommy." We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information. "OH...I get it!" she beamed, "So if you don't pass the test you have to be the daddy." "Exactly" I replied back with a big smile on my face and joy in my heart. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 14, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 14, 2016 Joke: I Can Hold My Liquor A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water. The bartender gives her the drink, and she says, "I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today." The bartender says, "Well, since it's your birthday, this one is on me." As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, "I would like to buy you a drink, too." The woman says, "Thank you, how sweet of you OK then, Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water." "Coming up," says the bartender. As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says, "I would like to buy you a drink too." The woman says, "Thank you very much my dear. Bartender, I'll have another Scotch with two drops of water." "Coming right up," the bartender says. As he gives her the drink this time, he says, "Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?" The old woman giggles and replies, "Sonny, when you're my age, you've learned how to hold your liquor. Water, however, is a whole other issue!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 14, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 14, 2016 Joke: This Is A Special Frog A beautiful woman walks into an exotic pet store and asks about unusual pets. The young man working the counter reaches into a tank and pulls out a small frog. “This is a special frog,” he explains. “If you disrobe in front of it, it will perform oral sex.” The woman is thrilled. Three days later, the woman returns, and she is not happy. “This frog doesn’t do anything!” The young man looks baffled. “You must be doing something wrong.” “No, I’m not. I take off my clothes, and hold the frog near me, and he just stares.” “Well, let me see you try it.” Nervous, the woman complies and strips down. The frog just sits there, blinking. “Now,” the young man says to the frog while getting on his knees, “I’m only going to show you this, one more time….” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 14, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 14, 2016 Joke: Like A Tiger Moth Women pilots relate every aspect of their lives to aviation. The first lady said her lover was like a Cessna Aero-bat. It got up to operating height very quickly, capable of amazing aerobatics, but with a short duration. The second lady likened her man to a Piper Cherokee, slow to climb, but with an endurance of no less than 4 hours. The third lady thought hers was like a Tiger Moth, coming out once a year for the annual display and relying on a hand start. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 14, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 14, 2016 Joke: What Time Is It? A blonde asked someone what time it was and they told her it was 4:45. The blonde, with a puzzled look on her face, replied, "You know, it's the weirdest thing... I have been asking that question all day and each time I get a different answer." Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 14, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 14, 2016 Joke: Your Eyes Are Glazed A policeman pulls a man over for speeding and asks him to get out of the car. After looking the man over he says, "Sir, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are bloodshot. Have you been drinking?" The man gets really indignant and says, "Officer, I couldn't help but notice your eyes are glazed. Have you been eating doughnuts?" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 14, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 14, 2016 Joke: Ever Been Arrested? An applicant was filling out a job application. When he came to the question, 'Have you ever been arrested?' He answered, 'No.' The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the last one, was 'Why?' The applicant answered it anyway... 'Never got caught.' Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 14, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 14, 2016 Joke: Who Told You? “Who,” raged the angry executive, “told you that just because I have kissed you a few times you could loaf around the office and neglect your work?” “The company attorney,” answered his personal assistant. Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 14, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 14, 2016 Joke: I Broke the Case! The lawyer's son wanted to follow in his father's footsteps, so he went to law school. He graduated with honors, and then went home to join his father's firm. At the end of his first day at work he rushed into his father's office, and said, "Father, father, in one day I broke the accident case that you've been working on for ten years!" His father responded, "You idiot, we lived on the funding of that case for ten years!" Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
worldangel Posted November 14, 2016 Author Report Share Posted November 14, 2016 Joke: The Secret is Pumpernickel Bread Two men are walking on the boardwalk. One says to the other, “I’ve got to run. Have to hurry home to make love with my wife.” The other man looks astounded. “Make love to your wife? You are as old as I am! Nearly ninety-five years old! What do you mean you have to go home and make love to your wife?" The first man says, “We have a great sex life. We make love three time a day.” “You are kidding!” Says the other man. “How do you do it?” The man whispers to his friend, “Pumpernickel bread. That’s my secret.” And he runs off to meet his wife. The other man starts to walk home. “Hmmm,” he thinks to himself, “pumpernickel bread. Well, it’s worth a try.” So he goes to a nearby bakery. He goes up the woman at the counter and asks, “Do you have any pumpernickel bread? “Yes,” she says. “How much do you have?” asks the old man. "Oh, we have a few shelves of it,” replied the woman. “Well,” he says, “give me all the pumpernickel bread you have.” “All of it?!” she exclaims. “It’ll get hard!” “How come,” says the man, “everybody knows about this but me?” Quote a good oral sex makes your day, a good anal sex makes your "hole weak" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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