To Leave and Let Leave - A Gay Love Story

[FleaBiscuit]

Chris

 

I glance nervously around the station, waiting for my date to arrive. It's my first time going out on a date with another guy  and I want it to be a success. We've chatted for 1 week on Grindr now. He's pretty nice, laughs at my jokes, told me I was cute. 

 

But texting isn't the same as meeting up. I hope his impression of me doesn't change later. My phone buzzes.

 

Kara: Omg so how did the date go.

Me: Haven't yet la...he's reaching soon tho

Me: OMFG

 

I stuff my phone into my pocket and scan around for a quick escape. Fuck, it's too late. Any attempt to escape will definitely be seen. I can't afford to ruin my reputation as a newbie in this dating scene.

 

He spots me and smiles. I don't return it. In fact I close my eyes so he won't see me rolling them. 

 

'Hi. Christian, right?' he asks. There's a hint of shyness in his question. 

 

'Yeah...umm you want to head over to AMK Hub?'

 

'Sure...' 

 

On the escalator I can't help but stare at him indignantly. Urgh, this wasn't what he looked like in the pictures. Up close, every pimple scar cleverly hidden by filters and bright light is magnified. And there are many, lighting up his face like the surface of a moon. 

 

We make small talk during lunch, the kind you force out when there's nothing else to say. 

 

'Wah so you from RJ arh. So smart.'

 

It's something I hear a lot. 'Haha no la,' I reply as usual. 'Not compared with my peers.'

 

We tour around the mall a little, and with every second I lose even more interest. 

 

'Umm can we just skip the movie and head over to your house?' I ask.

 

He gives a sly smile. I try to retain my pokerface upon the sight of those gleaming eyes, full of knowing. 

 

The walk to his house is a quiet one. Even the birds are making more noise than we are.  

 

'Is that a temple or something?' I ask, pointing at an empty building nested in the middle of an estate.

 

'Yeah'

 

'Oh lol it's so quiet.'

 

'Wtf? Why are you so judgmental?'

 

I turn to see him roll his eyes. What the actual fuck? I scrunch up my face with a weird look and roll my eyes too. Nothing, absolutely nothing is going the way I wanted it to. 

 

Me: WALAO srsly regretting this man. He's fucking ugly

Felicity: stop being mean and give others a chance. AND STOP TEXTING

 

I smile and stash my phone in my pocket. Felicity and Kara are my best friends in Jc, and I tell them everything about my life. Since my name is Christian, we have a Whatsapp group called KFC.

 

He lives in a condo almost hidden among an estate of flats. It's the first time I see a lift open right into an apartment. Wow, this must be expensive, I think. 

 

We enter his lair and the door is locked with an unmistakable click. 

 

'Sit. Why are you standing?'

 

Awkwardly, I rest my butt on his bed. My nervousness appears to infect him; he shuffles random stuff around his desk aimlessly. 

 

'So what do you look for in guys?' he suddenly asks.

 

'Oh...I guess someone more mature? I mean, I'm no angel la, and I think looks do matter. But, what is more important is who he is, not what he is.' I rattle off these lines like I memorised them from a script. 'I want someone who can not just be there to share in my highs but also be there for me when I need a shoulder to lie on, you know?' 

 

He purses his lips as though controlling a smile. 'Youdamncute,' he utters quickly, then dives into his sheets beside me. 

 

I feel a spark of pride lighting up within, and my ego urges to be stroked further. 'What? Just tell me leh. What did you say?'

 

I fake my best curious expression as genuinely as possible.

 

'No la I say you damn cute. Can I hug you?'

 

Without any answer he wraps his arms around my waist. His deep breaths warm my arms, forming goosebumps that slowly trail all around my body. A familiar sensation grips me and I begin thanking the bagginess of my shorts. 

 

I swallow, quite audibly in the now silent room. Like some possessed maniac I reach out for his crotch. 

 

'Eh walao...'

 

I tighten my grip on the shape of his dick. He tries to land a touchdown on me too, but I refuse his hand, pushing it away while I advance my attack. 

 

'What are you trying to do?!' 

 

He sounds almost innocent and fearful, but I know better, even though it's my first time touching another guy. I continue swatting his hands away from my crotch, still unwilling to be touched as a newbie. 

 

It does not take long before we're both standing, me behind him, his pants and underwear pooling around his feet. Because I'm unwilling to let go, we waddle together to his wardrobe where he fishes out a tube.

 

'Vaseline?!' I whisper loudly in his ear. 'Isn't that for removing hair in vaginas?'

 

He squeezes out a generous portion of liquid on my hand and I apply the cooling thing on his dick. I look over his shoulder and marvel at his thickness and length. It's so much bigger than mine, making it all the more impossible that I'll show him my tool. His dick is also curved upward just slightly, making it seem really similar to a banana. 

 

'Oh yeah...this actually feels good.'

 

This emboldens me and I tighten my grip, going faster and faster. He exhales loudly and leans back slightly.

 

'Shhh! Later your mom hear you la.'

 

'Wait, stop, stop! I going to shoot already.'

 

The helplessness in his voice is palpable and I pause. He fumbles around his drawers for tissue, and it takes me three seconds to grow impatient. I feel myself hot with horniness as I eye the product of my effort. So close....

 

Fuck it.

 

To his surprise I wrap my fingers around his cock and jerk off vigorously, so eager with lust. 

 

'Oh my god going to come out already!'

 

He stills, and I don't know why but I withdraw instinctively. 

 

'Arghh...!' He gives a suppressed moan like a broken doll, wrapping one hand around his dickhead. My eyes widen in wonder as thick liquid still manages to ooze out of his fist, staining the floor. 

 

I stone at the aftermath, not knowing how to react. That was it. My first experience. Gone.

 

'Walao why you don't stop? See la, got so much leh.'

 

My laughter is forced.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[FleaBiscuit]

Ok so, for whatever reason I felt inspired to write some story. Really don't know how you guys will like (or dislike) it and it makes me nervous haha. Cheers. 

[FleaBiscuit]

 

Benedict

 

'Wow. You made me cum so much.'

 

Kai laughs and slaps my thigh. 'You damn joker sia. Cum inside my mouth can tell meh?' 

 

'I felt it la!'

 

Kai smiles to himself, kneading my balls gently. I lay my arms behind my head, relaxed from the intense orgasm I just had. My mind is about to drift off when I feel a warm mouth around my nipple. 

 

'Kai stop. Damn sensitive.'

 

I pluck his face from my chest and he gives goldfish lips. Already, he is on my lap grinding against my soft dick. 

 

'I think you have another load in you, eh?' 

 

His raspy voice sounds dangerous instead of sexy. I grab my phone to access Grindr, trying to ignore him. But he completely misses the hint, persistent in kissing my abs. 

 

Whatever. I follow my usual routine of scroll, tap, message. Hello  Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. 

 

'Tsk!' Kai tries to snatch my phone away but I manage to wrestle it back. 

 

'Dude what the fuck?'

 

For a split second he hinges between flipping a switch and play-acting.

 

'Sorry la...people here trying to make you shoot then you keep using phone. Cheat my feelings.'

 

He gives me his trademark duck face, and I just play along, pinching his nose. He sidles up next to me and draws the sheet over our legs.

 

'This one cute meh? This kind of quality also message.'

 

My heart screams lol at his continued overestimation of his looks. I mean, he's cute with a toned body, obviously able to attract enough people to fatten up his ego. He's deluded.

 

'Mushroom head 7 inches able to penetrate deep with great skill. Promise to never leave you satisfied, but hungry for more,' Kai reads out loud. 

 

I snigger while he laughs thunderously. 'WHAT THE SHIT DID I JUST READ.'

 

As I continue messaging people he gets bored, and it shows. Fingers start tapping down my shoulder to my arm, and he flicks my nipple with a finger. 

 

I give up, putting my phone face down on the bed. Kai snuggles into my chest and grins widely.

 

'Where do you wanna eat?'

 

'How about you go shower first?'

 

Kai hops out of bed and pops into the bathroom. Soon I hear the pattering of the shower spray. 

 

'Eh! Your toilet paper no more already arh!' his voice echoes from the inside.

 

'I refill later la!'

 

I quickly pick up my phone to see a few replies. Just to remind myself who he is -because there are too many - I click on his profile picture. Not bad. Hihi! Nice bod he replies

 

Me: What's your name? 

 

'Ben! Even your shampoo no more already!' 

 

I grunt in frustration and dash to the storeroom and back, push the bathroom door open and slam the container down on the sink.

 

Then I pounce on my bed and grab my phone.

 

Boy: Christian. But just call me Chris la.

Me: Hi Chris studying? Or in NS?

Chris: I'm a j2 student

Me: Studying where?

Chris: Rj

Me: Wah so smart!

Chris: Haha no la

[Guest Guest]

It's a nice read. Please continue. I like the alternating voices from different characters to give different perspectives.

 

Thank you. 

[FleaBiscuit]

Chris

 

Grindr is serious work. It drains the fuck out of your soul but keeps you hooked with the promise of something greater. Like, erm...love. Not much different from gambling, where you resignedly part with the small notes, hoping to snare the big prize. 

 

But Jun Hao has been upgraded from Grindr to Whatsapp. Not necessarily a good thing, since we've become close and this keeps me constantly toggling between the apps, which is troublesome.

 

Jun Hao: I think I love you

 

I feel a flutter in my heartbeat. A prickly sensation permeates my entire body and I smile to myself, switching over to Grindr. My grin doesn't leave my face as I reply some of those 'leftovers', the bottom dwellers without profile pictures or who simply aren't good looking. All because I'm feeling rather kind. 

 

Hello?? his notification comes in but I ignore it. It's always good to do that. To play up desire, engorge it with urgency. 

 

'Christian, come here.'

 

I wave my hand vigorously at the air but to no avail. The smoke continues pervading my nose anyway, further boosting my chances of getting lung cancer. 

 

'Take this,' Mum says, handing me two large joss sticks. I am to say a prayer and hope to do well during my upcoming common test. 

 

I used to believe in this temple. It's somewhere on Bugis Street, and it did help me score somewhat well for PSLE after all. That must've exhausted all the magic allocated to me, for I began failing soon after that. 

 

But one can hope. I wish for 'good grades' and love, and poke the sticks into a large common bowl. 

 

Mum waves me into the temple, looking almost garish with the small Louis Vuitton handbag she hangs on her arm. I stare at a good looking guy who passes me. 

 

I retreat into a quiet corner as Mum kneels on the floor and prays. At the lowest brightness, my screen doesn't reveal any hotties on Grindr nearby. But then again I'm in the middle of nowhere. 

 

T 22: Hi how's your weekend haha

 

Oh it's him, the somewhat hot one. I try to think of something witty to say but it's hard. 

 

Me: At a temple praying for grades. Meh.

T 22: Wah you raffles boy need divine intervention meh

Me: HAHA we can fail too ok. 

T 22: Eh cutie you want to meet up soon? 

Me: Nah. Found someone alr. 

T 22: WAH good luck man

Me: Haha thanks!

 

I close Grindr and switch back to Whatsapp, telling Jun Hao to meet me tomorrow afternoon at 2pm. 

 

'Christian come here la!' 

 

'Orh!' I kneel beside my mother, praying more fervently not to fail any subjects, and for Jun Hao to be the one for me. A grin finds its way on my face the moment I think of him. 

 

At the counter, Mum makes a donation. I add 5 bucks for good measure.

 

 

[FleaBiscuit]

Anw I might not be providing too much sex (yet) since I actually like creating a legit storyline. But sometimes I dunno what goes wrong and I come up with super random chapters like this one lol. 

[bbboyddd]

I'm enjoying this, keep going

[FleaBiscuit]

Benedict

 

The moment the clock says it's 5, I pump my fists into the air. My laptop is promptly shut down and I can ignore what the fuck managerial accounting is for the next hour. Or two.

 

My feet fly up the stairs two at a time where my baby is surely waiting for me.

 

'Money!' I call with a clap of my hands.

 

My toy poodle lunges out of his bed towards me and I put on its collar. Money circles around my feet, and I guide it down the stairs. 

 

'Ay Ben you going out arh. Remember to come back for dinner hor. Your mum will be back early.'

 

I smile in acknowledgement at Maricel and begin down the concrete pavement. 

 

As usual, after several hours, my Grindr is loaded with messages. I just reply to the cute ones whom I can see being my next target. 

 

Then a stranger pops up, exactly 109m away. I raise a brow and let Money sniff around at a tree while I reply him. 

 

Ivan: You want to meet up for fun lol

Me: Your house? You seem pretty near. 

Ivan: No place. Public ok? I know a place.

Me: Around here got meh??

 

I zoom in on Ivan's picture and it makes the deal for me. My heart starts beating significantly faster as horniness takes over. Just then Kai happens to message me and I accidentally click on it.

 

Fuck.

 

I switch back to Grindr without even reading his text and follow the instructions given to me. They lead me to the edge of the main road away from the landed property, right beside the construction site for a new condo. I see it now, the blue makeshift cubicle.

 

Ivan: Just knock twice when you're there. Don't worry here very safe do a lot times alr

 

I march down the pavement almost doggedly, eyes focused on the cubicle and my pace quickening. Once outside, I tie Money's leash onto a low hanging branch and step towards the door. Urgh it's so hard not to give furtive glances around me. 

 

I rap on the door twice. It unlocks, and I hesitate for awhile before stepping inside, eyes downcast in shyness. When they look up - woah - they are greeted by a lovely sight. 

 

A boy in a tight NBS shirt is smiling at me. 'Hello. Ben right? You're damn hot.'

 

He leans forward and runs his hands lightly over my arms up and down, making my hairs stand. My sensitive body reacts nicely to his touch when he caresses my nipples lightly through my singlet. The easy access allows him to stick his thumbs through the gaping holes of my clothing on either side, fondling my already hard nibs. Ivan couples that move with light kissing and licking of my earlobe. 

 

It's too much to bear. I collapse onto the toilet seat with its cap on, and Ivan knows it's time to move on. He doesn't even bother to remove my singlet - just yanks down the neckline and envelops a nipple in his warm mouth. His greed, his measured licking is so hot, and I let out a soft moan.

 

Ivan takes the cue and speeds up, flicking his tongue gently but quickly, his other hand now flicking at my other nipple. My entire body tenses at the gentlest touches from the pro. Then he grazes lightly using his teeth as he pinches, and my nipples become hard erections of extreme pleasure. I moan even louder.

 

He reaches into the waistline of my shorts and drags it down violently. His own disappear in a flash, and he grinds against my cock, slowly inserting my length into himself.

 

I lean back gratefully as he starts riding me, massaging my rock hard dick with his ass. My mounting horniness screams for a satisfactory climax.

 

'Get behind me,' Ivan whispers.

 

I don't need to be told twice. With firm hands I spin him around, pressing him against the wall of the cubicle as I enter him again, instantly pounding. 

 

His bubble butt smacks loudly against me satisfactorily, matching the rhythm of his short, soft grunts. I wrap my arms around him and pull him closer, my fingers pinching his nipples lightly. 

 

It is not long before his grunts start overlapping into one helpless wail. 

 

'I'm gonna.....aarghh'

 

I hear a loud spraying sound against the plastic wall. His hole tightens sweetly, and my breathing hastens until I cry out as loud as I dare. My hips thrust involuntarily with each squirt. Shot after shot of warm relief.

 

We both bath in the after glory. I had needed that badly given how much uni work had piled up. After 5 minutes Ivan starts putting on his clothes. 

 

He leaves without even a goodbye from me. It's there, hanging on my lips. Weird, considering how cute he is. 

[Guest Guest]

7 hours ago, FleaBiscuit said:

Anw I might not be providing too much sex (yet) since I actually like creating a legit storyline. But sometimes I dunno what goes wrong and I come up with super random chapters like this one lol. 

 

Yes, I'm enjoying the not too much sex story and the character building holds the story together.

[Snapplejacked]

7 hours ago, FleaBiscuit said:

Anw I might not be providing too much sex (yet) since I actually like creating a legit storyline. But sometimes I dunno what goes wrong and I come up with super random chapters like this one lol. 

 

Context is super important. Cooking up a story where one guy does something to another is like just plain... porn. Then I might as well just watch porn.

 

But if I know the characters, what their motives, desires or insecurities are, then it helps me to get immersed. Maybe even relate. Don't stop what you're doing

[FleaBiscuit]

HAHA yes I understand. I'm just writing whatever comes to mind. I was afraid how it'd seem too gratuitous, but I thought, hey but it mirrors how most of us get hookups. Sometimes we search till we get it, or we might get a random offer when we're free. Just men wanting/willing to get off. I guess there's that aspect of realism here? The context doesn't lie in the chapter, but it comes from the backdrop of our larger community. 

 

And while one chapter may not have a specific context in itself, it can always serve as fodder to frame a context for a later scene! And well, writing the sex was fun anyways lel.

 

Thanks for taking the time to read and comment  really appreciate it.

[FleaBiscuit]

Chris 

 

'Are you sure you love me or not,' I ask somewhat shyly and consciously, making sure the people around can't eavesdrop. 'I mean, how can someone fall in love so quickly?'

 

I have been pondering over this issue for awhile. My heart has been too afraid to even consider the possibility of someone I like, liking me. 

 

Jun Hao simply gives me a smile, showing off his dimples. 'I know my heart. And it says that it likes you.'

 

'Are you sure it's not misguided?' I ask, but I now know that it's safe, and my heart can return his affection. 

 

'Nope. I really like how mature you are. It's hard to find someone you can have deep conversations with in this circle.'

 

Jun Hao's face may not be the best looking as faces go, but at least he's rather cute when he smiles. The cap he has on adds to the boyish image. His maternal family possesses a gene that turns patches of hair white during your teenage years. Just over a year ago he decided to a shave his head, and the cap is to hide his baldness.

 

It's my first date, and I'm beginning to realize holding a conversation is no easy task. I find the topics burning out too quickly, and even as I'm answering questions I'm thinking of the next one to talk about. 

 

'So you got AACC for A levels?'

 

'Yeah I applied to NTU business, still waiting for their acceptance letter. Aiya I regret not studying for As, I was failing everything you know. I chionged for the last month and got that. Not bad already.'

 

I tell myself to smile and say something nice. 

 

'Wow that's really good!...but it's so wasted though you could've studied harder before that and done better. Omg this is so scary I'm gonna learn from this so that I can get all As.'

 

Just as the words tumble from my lips I realise how much of a douche I'm being. Fuck. Jun Hao rolls his eyes, and I stare at some random spot behind him, trying to keep calm and maintain a pokerface. 

 

The silence stuffs the distance between us, growing pregnant with awkwardness. I muster my courage to burst the bubble. 

 

'Do you like white guys?' 

 

He looks up from scooping rice into his mouth with a weird expression. 

 

'Not really. Do you?'

 

'Yeah...I just feel like that they're more mature in many senses. Asians just seem too uptight and high strung for me. I think white guys tend to listen more, and they definitely seem more like unique individuals as compared with Singaporeans, who tend to be quite cookie cutter.'

 

It's not as if I didn't know my words sounded like nails raking on metal. But I said it anyway. The silence has been broken but perhaps so is Jun Hao's impression of me.

 

He rolls his eyes. 'I'm not surprised. Your school is so atas. Okay let's go.'

 

We exit Pepper Lunch and decide to mill around the mall before the movie starts. JEM really is a nice, vibrant place to shop at. In Kinokuniya Jun Hao shows me a memoir written by a North Korean runaway, and while I nod my head at what he says I'm really not listening. I bring him to the magazine section and fanboy over a cover with Ben Affleck and Henry Cavill. Urgh they're such fine male specimens. Well there's Gal Gadot too but I don't care about her. 

 

I almost feel Jun Hao's deathly indifference (or contempt) and I excuse myself to go to the toilet. 

 

As usual I head for a cubicle and whip out my phone to text while detoxing. My eyes salivate at the nice sight on Grindr. I say hi to as many hot guys as possible.

 

I mean, I'm just trying to be friends. 

 

Then I go on Whatsapp to the KFC chat group. Kara and Felicity have been chatting about some Korean drama called Pinocchio, and I just skip all the messages because I have no idea what the heck that is. 

 

Me: I'm texting in the toilet again. Gonna watch the movie soon. And I really feel good about Jun Hao

Felicity: -.- how many times have you guys met

Me: It doesn't matter right. Let's not measure a relationship using a standard so arbitrary. 

Kara: So argumentative

Felicity: .

Me: NO HOR aiya but you guys better give us your blessings hor if we get tgt

 

After I'm finished in the toilet Jun Hao and I filter into Cathay where there is a huge crowd waiting to watch Batman vs Superman: Dawn of Justice.

 

In the dark, I sense and hear couples and friends chatting incessantly around me. A part of me is envious and regretful. If only our society were more liberal, then I could have equally easy camaraderie with Jun Hao.

 

When the advertisements end and the Warner Bros logo appears onscreen, I feel a sudden touch on my arm. Jun Hao pats his way down and finds my hand, locking his fingers in mine. The move takes me by surprise, and a sickly sweet sensation engulfs me. My heartbeat quickens. 

 

The movie has some delectable parts, like Ben Affleck and Henry Cavill and that Wonder Woman battle scene that sent such crazy chills down my spine. 

 

Not once does Jun Hao remove his hand from mine. I keep praying for my palm not to become sweaty.

 

The movie ends with a clear setup for a sequel, and the lights blink back on, ending our little reverie. His hand promptly disentangles from mine. 

 

'Do you want a drink?' Jun Hao asks while on the way to the train station. 'Oh there's a Macs. I'll get you iced lemon tea.'

 

Before I can stop him he dashes into McDonalds, and before long, is back out handing me a drink. 

 

'Thanks,' I say shyly, basking in his sweetness. I've always wanted to find someone who truly cares, who shows me little actions of affection. 'By the way can I borrow your phone? I ran out of batt and I wanna text my mum.'

 

Jun Hao hands me his phone, but before I click on the Messages app, I spot something I want to check out. Once inside, I scroll down a bit and - 

 

Oh my god. I break in sudden cold sweat and click on a chat. Inside, I see a lewd exchange involving pictures. A sudden, overwhelming sensation draws a curtain over a patch of kindness in my mind, and suddenly everything feels so dark and crazy. I feel weirdly detached from reality, as if I'm watching myself from a third person perspective. 

 

If I try, I'm pretty sure I can cry. But no I don't want to. It's so cliche. 

 

Think, think, think.

 

Then a perfect scene plays in my mind, with all the right words and actions. 

 

'Are you ok? Why you like stoning.'

 

'Actually I'm not. What's this?' I ask, and my heart starts racing. 

 

Jun Hao receives his phone and appears stunned, his eyes glued to the screen.

 

'You checked on my personal messages?' he cuts me without warning, taking the winds out of my self righteous sails momentarily. 

 

But no matter. 'I knew that you were masquerading when you said you loved me. What kind of person are you? Do you know how betrayed I feel?'

 

Not as grand as I was hoping to sound but that'd do. 

 

'Take this,' I say, passing him the drink. Then I fish out my wallet, pressing four bucks into his chest. He catches the money, and a small, bitter lump forms in my throat. The money was supposed to fall, and I'd have found my triumph in him picking the notes from the ground. 

 

Nevermind. 'Goodbye,' I say and stride quickly towards the train station, feeling like a boss all the same.

[adeledazeem]

Love this! 

[Guest K W]

Love the honesty and wit imbued in the characters! Uniquely Singaporean dialogue, yet written in engaging prose.

[FleaBiscuit]

Benedict

 

Kai is upset that I blueticked him. This merely fuels my suspicion that he likes me. It's been obvious from the first time we had fun, and I should've drawn away after that. 

 

I'm tired of arguing with him so I decide to seek refuge in Grindr. Weird. The guy I exchange nudes with seems to have blocked me. I was hoping for a jerk off before dinner.

 

I reply all the hot guys, hoping to reel them in for recess week after the upcoming mid terms. Then, a sudden message pops up.

 

Chris: Hi...

Me: Hello How's your weekend

Chris: You free to talk? I'm feeling down

 

Someone raps on my door authoritatively, and I can tell it's Ma instantly. I unlock the door and come face to face with a severe expression.

 

'Why are you hiding in here? It's Ah Ma's birthday you know? Go down and mingle with the rest of your cousins la!' 

 

She probably senses my reluctance and swiftly switches off the light, plunging my room into darkness. Same old trick, but it works everytime. 

 

I step out reluctantly and Money runs up the stairs to greet me. He leaps into my arms and I carry him down where the battlefield is. 

 

'Wah Benedict so handsome already arh!' my third aunt shouts. Her comments, though often harmless, are annoying because of her shrill voice.

 

It sounds as an alarm, and all eyes turn to me. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck!!

 

My second uncle comes up to me and places an arm around me as usual. He takes a sip from a Coke can and asks, 'So Ben, on track to getting First Class Honours or not? You never go LSE law your mummy already very unhappy. Later you still never get, wah...I tell you, sure get chased out already.'

 

WHAT THE FUCK?!

 

'Leonard can you not say this kind of things to him?' my second aunt says, the most humane one in the Tang family of monsters. Not like you graduated First Class.' She lays the utensils down on the large dining table. 

 

'Different mah,' my uncle asserts, but his tone reveals a desperate attempt at saving face. 'That time not many people graduated from overseas ok.'

 

My grandma swoops in from nowhere to save me from the clutches of these people. 'Ah Ben!' she calls lovingly, putting her arm around my waist. 'Lai lai, chi fan ler.' Come, let's eat, she says.

 

A grill has been set up outside the house, and some uncles and aunties are busy barbecuing meat. 

 

'Harlo,' greets my first aunt, and nudges her daughter. 'Genevieve say hi to Ben.'

 

The thirteen year old girl says hi, and I can't help but notice how her gaze hesitantly rests on me before darting away. No, I don't like that at all. 

 

Genevieve is just another one of my high-performing cousins, currently studying at RGS. As far as my extended family is concerned, I'm a disgrace to the Tang name, since I was only in VJC and now I'm only in NUS. One quick scan shows my UPenn cousin sitting like a hippie near the shoe rack texting, and my Cambridge Law cousin is hugging his girlfriend beside the pond. 

 

I tell my Ah Ma to sit where my Popo is, on the tree swing. Usually Popo doesn't come on my Ah Ma's birthday, but my mother called her over because my two grandmothers have not seen each other for some time.

 

I get some food for the two ladies and sit with them. 

 

'You nu peng you mei you?' Popo asks. Have you found a girlfriend?

 

She's always been the more assertive grandmother, and I'm lucky she's asking this away from the prying ears of my other relatives. My Ah Ma laughs almost shyly with her hand on her mouth.

 

At this, I feel my face grow ashen, my hands cold and clammy. Soon after NS after I got attached, I had revealed to my parents that I was gay. They were surprisingly fine with it, but told me never to reveal this to my relatives, especially my grandparents. 

 

It was the best for me, and for them, my parents said. And whenever the subject of relationships is broached, it makes me feel like perhaps I've done something wrong.

 

I tell Popo that nope, girls nowadays are hard to find, and she launches into the whole dating lesson talk again. Be more outspoken, she tells me. Do well and earn more money.

 

A couple years ago I'd have felt guilty about my sexuality. But being in a relationship with another guy was one of my most fulfilling experiences ever, and it made me shed all self consciousness regarding my orientation. 

 

And while my grandparents may never know I'm gay, I often wondered what if they did? Would I still be their most beloved Ah Ben? 

 

These questions are too 'heavy' to think about and I'll settle them at a later time. Tonight is my Ah Ma's birthday. Gay or not, my job as her grandson is to stay happy. The way I always was.

 

After the meal, everyone gathers around the dining table for the cake cutting. The focus has been momentarily shifted to Cambridge Law cousin and his wedding. 

 

I can't help but notice the row of branded bags standing stiffly like punished children right beside the cake. 

 

My third aunt, the one with the shrill voice, exclaims 'One, two, three!'

 

'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you...' everyone starts singing on cue, and our eyes shift from one person to the other awkwardly, as if surveying for who's singing and who's not.

 

I notice my first uncle taking a video of the singing, which I find pointless. He's just going to post it on Instagram and show everyone what a lovely, happy family we've got. 

 

Heehee, woohoo, hooray for us! 

 

I decide that Ma's jurisdiction over me ends here and skip up the steps back to my room. 

 

Oh shit! 

 

I had completely forgotten to reply this Chris guy. 

 

Chris: Not free?

Chris: Hello?

Chris: ...

Chris: Lol nevermind

Me: SORRY I was at my grandmother's birthday I swear

[FleaBiscuit]

 

Chapter 7: Chris

 

'I know I shouldn't have allowed such wishful thinking, but the truth is, he told me he loved me. I already questioned him you know, and he said he knows his heart. So it's like what the fuck right? Of course I felt betrayed on some level.'

 

Kara presses another top on her body and looks at the mirror while Felicity stares at her phone screen with a frown.

 

'Guys are you listening?'

 

'I mean, you should've known better right?' says Kara. 'And uh, you shouldn't just check someone's messages like that right?'

 

I sulk a little, feeling indignant that my friend is speaking up for that douche. 'But I already suspected him. I was looking for confirmation.'

 

'Omg guys,' Felicity cuts in. 'I didn't know that Wharton only accepts 1-2 Singaporeans a year that's fucking little. But the good thing is that tens of students from RJ actually get into Cornell.'

 

It's too early in the morning for this. 'Lol I'll just aim for the UK or something.'

 

The conversation dies down, and Kara enlists Felicity's help in matching clothes. Suddenly I'm a little self conscious of being the only teenage boy in Forever 21. I look around me, and someone catches my eye. A Caucasian guy with perfect wavy brown hair and sunglasses. His sharp nose and gorgeous jawline cut a ruggedly handsome face. And his body is not bad too. In his hands are bags from brands like Balenciaga and Yves Saint Laurent. 

 

His girlfriend is some Asian bombshell who somehow intimidates me with her alien beauty. Her insane features and jet black hair rest atop a model-esque body, emanating a Fan Bingbing vibe. 

 

The man turns and I'm caught off guard for staring. My eyes widen and are somehow glued to him. Fortunately his girlfriend seems unhappy with the clothing here and they leave the shop. 

 

I keep this odd moment to myself.

 

After Kara makes her purchase, we head for lunch. We find a secret corner in the Starbucks at Somerset, and I show them the guys on Grindr in the area. The two girls are fascinated by the amount of topless nudity on the app, and I tell them that yeah this community is full of sluts. 

 

'So you mean it's like Uber car pooling?' asks Felicity.

 

'Uh yeah I guess. But there are some nice guys la. Just that they usually aren't hot LOL so I dunno if they're genuinely nice or only nice cos they have no choice.'

 

'So mean!' exclaims Kara, laughing while sipping her iced mocha.

 

After lunch Felicity bids goodbye as the good girl heads home to study. Kara and I continue shopping; it's not often that I go out. Besides, the mix of the sun and city activity make for a heady concoction. Not to mention the fact that town always has quite a high ratio of hotties.

 

Kara almost pulls me into Chanel 'just for fun', but I stop the insanity in time. We head for something more viable for students: Cotton On.

 

Once inside the first thing that catches my eye is the cute retail assistant. Short but neatly styled hair, a tight black tee that hugs his toned figure, gorgeous tanned skin.

 

I pretend to rummage through some clothes.

 

'At 3 o'clock. Right now. No, I mean my 3 o'clock.'

 

Kara turns to me. 'Eh shit he's cute,' she mutters under her breath. 

 

'Oh my god he's so fuckable. I'd ride the fuck out of him in bed.'

 

'Shut the fuck up you're being obvious.'

 

'Trust me, he'll be so dry his barrel will not work the next few days.'

 

'Shut up!' Kara orders through her laughter. 

 

And out of the blue the cute guy appears. 'Oh my god,' I exclaim at a volume surely audible to him, trying to hide my thirsty look. Then I realise I'm surfing through women's printed tees.

 

'Oh my god.' I lift my hands immediately.

 

The cute assistant smiles at us. 'Hi can I help?'

 

'It's ok, we can look around ourselves,' Kara says.

 

I raise a brow, unable to believe Kara just let him away like that. Sigh, but now I can stare at his back and it looks so broad and strong. My mind plays out fantasies about his masculinity, and I feel myself oozing liquid desire from the inside.

 

As Kara shops I take my phone out again and get on Grindr. Are you serious? No messages? I'm pretty sure I look quite cute at least. Or maybe no one's using Grindr actively while shopping. 

 

I see that T 22 has left a message. Good morning. I hope you're feeling better today

 

As far as guys go he's pretty good. After his grandmother's birthday party yesterday we kind of watched Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone together. Well, we watched the movie separately at the same time and commented through Grindr. 

 

I get a little dazed staring at the blank circle indicating he's offline, until Kara nudges me back into reality.

[FleaBiscuit]

12 hours ago, adeledazeem said:

Love this! 

 

6 hours ago, Guest K W said:

Love the honesty and wit imbued in the characters! Uniquely Singaporean dialogue, yet written in engaging prose.

Thanks so much guys  it's really encouraging. Will try to make every chapter witty and absorbing but maintaining that kind of streak is soo hard!

[Guest Shiok]

The cubicle incident very hot. Experienced similar during a funeral - made out with one of the bereaved boy relative. We known each other sometime and always flirting with each other. 11pm and no more visitors - everybody busy playing mahjong. We go to the portable cubicle and play each other. He was crying while getting banged. Very shiok. 

[MancerNecro]

Heeeeey, just finished reading up to this point.

 

Keep up the good work writing.

 

I like the depth of each of the characters' feelings. I find that helps in getting to know each character better.

 

The only flaw is how short each chapter is (hahas kidding). Looking forward to them subsequent chapters!

[FleaBiscuit]

Chapter 8: Benedict

 

The acute pain, blazing yet numbing, momentarily disables my arm. My dumbbell falls onto my bed but rebounds from the latex, and I heave a sigh of relief when it stops rolling dangerously close to the edge. I must've pushed myself too hard, because even raising my arms above my head to remove my shirt results in agonizing pain. 

 

I fling the sweaty shirt on the floor and lose the rest of my clothing. Money scampers over excitedly, sniffing at my clothing and hands me my underwear in his mouth. I pick him up and am about to sit on the bed when I hear the knob of my door turning.

 

'What the fuck!' I curse, instinctively positioning Money at a strategic position before my crotch. 

 

The door doesn't open. Two knocks come soon after and I realise it was a false alarm. The door's been locked and it's just Maricel, my helper, who wants to enter my room and place some clothing.

 

'Come back later!' I shout, and plonk back-first onto my bed. 

 

I had intended to wear fresh clothing simply after my perspiration dries, but Money is now licking my wet body all over, which means I need to shower. When he gets dangerously close to compromising my modesty, I place him on the floor and he waddles back to his cushion. 

 

The hot shower spray soothes my taut muscles, relaxing my body after a day of work and stress. I soap my arms, legs, chest. For a moment, with a hand on my dick, I contemplate awarding myself a release. 

 

But I'm stopped by the reminder of my parents' flight tonight. That means I'll have the whole house to myself. It makes cumming in the shower look almost like a pathetic second option. 

 

After getting dressed, I hurry down the stairs as I'm running late for the dinner date with Kai. 

 

'Ma?!' I exclaim, suddenly spotting her in the kitchen where she must be giving last minute orders to Maricel. 'Are you wearing that to the airport?'

 

She appears to be in one of her frenzies where she morphs into an opulent Christmas tree. Her body is decked out in obnoxious bling, and on her elbow, slouched arrogantly at an angle of 70 degrees, rests what looks like a new Hermes Birkin. The expensive looking black dress irons out her rolls of body fat evenly, deviously stealing attention away from a less-than-perfect figure with exquisite floral embroidery. 

 

Ma rushes over excitedly. Under the light of the chandelier her rouged cheeks pop out almost obscenely, like red cherries. 

 

'Your father la, last minute change of plans. We're going to Florence to celebrate our anniversary instead. Book a reservation with the restaurant so soon after the flight. So I have to dress up now and go on the plane like that.' 

 

'Hahhh...' I grab her arm. 'Then how long will you be away?'

 

'Maybe just 5 days. Quick one. Go so far then so rushed. Waste the air ticket.'

 

I walk her to the gate, one arm locked in hers, secretly dancing in joy on the inside. 5 days is a luxury. 

 

'You better make sure she mops the floor at least twice while I'm gone. She very long never clean your bedroom windows already you know? No initiative!'

 

'Ok fine I will make sure - Kai?!'

 

I spot him out of nowhere outside my home. He isn't supposed to be here. We had arranged to meet at the mall. When the gate slides open my mind somehow likens it to releasing a prisoner from his cell. 

 

'Hi auntie.'

 

'You two going out arh? Don't anyhow bring Kai go Geylang arh!'

 

My mum has a 'wicked' sense of humour and sometimes leaves me wondering what she's been sniffing on the sly. 

 

'I'm pretty sure Geylang has 99% female prostitutes though...' I retort. 

 

I hear Kai's suppressed laughter behind me, and my mum gives me that mock-dissatisfied look with the pursed lips. She sends me off with a slap on the butt and says she'll be waiting for my dad to pick her up.

 

While walking down the pavement, I notice Kai staring from the side of my eye. 

 

'What?' I ask. 'Why you keep staring?'

 

'No la you're just very funny. Your mum is so cool though.'

 

'Yeah I guess...' 

 

We chat about the random guys he's met over the past few weeks since we've last met. He tells me the story of a Japanese exchange student, how they splurged on sushi restaurants. Kai was extremely disappointed when it did not at least end with a bang. 

 

'Yeah I didn't even get to taste his wasabi. Apparently he thought I looked Japanese, but I think he lost interest after I told him I was Chinese.' 

 

'Ok come I treat you to some wasabi.'

 

I enter Sakae Sushi, and on my third step in, begin to regret it. Eating Japanese food has never really been a thing in my family. I suspect my dad bears a bizarre dislike for them due to the Japanese Occupation of Singapore. 

 

'Wah so nice to me!' Kai exclaims, pushing me forward with his hands on my back like I'm a trolley. 

 

A few eyes are raised and conversations are paused. The waitress leading us in gives a smile with zero malice, but I can't help feeling awkward.

 

I let Kai do the ordering of the food since I'm ignorant when it comes to Japanese cuisine. He rambles off stuff like spicy tuna maki and I just rest my head on my arm.

 

A few seconds later I'm being awoken by Kai. It seems like I had dozed off. I rub my groggy eyes and yawn.

 

'Why you so tired? Having too much fun isit?'

 

'Nah just getting swamped with projects.'

 

Kai leans forward to rest his chin on folded arms. 'How many guys you met these two weeks?'

 

I count the number of guys using my visual memory of their bodies. Their names have been long forgotten.

 

'Uh like three?'

 

'Oh...' 

 

'Why?'

 

'Nothing.'

 

'No please. Don't bait me. You know I don't like that.'

 

Kai appears hurt by my impatience for a second but I'm too crabby to care. My mind feels like it's stuck in a fog and I miss my bed. 

 

'Ben. Do you like...have a crush on anyone?'

 

I shake my head. The food comes and interrupts the conversation all too briefly. I dab a sushi generously in the green paste and gobble it. After five chews a sudden realization dawns upon me, and I stare daggers at the green paste like it's wronged me. 

 

'Oh my god...' I mutter, and then continue chewing, hoping to quickly swallow. But all too soon I'm spitting my food out and coughing violently. I gulp down water carefully, not wanting to choke. 

 

The funny thing is, Kai barely glances up throughout the entire incident. On a normal basis he'd be fussing over me right now. 

 

'Are you ok?' I ask.

 

He glances up at me like how I was staring at the wasabi. And I feel like I've wronged him. 

 

'Do you like me?'

 

I feel my eyes widen for a split second. 

 

A train of emotions run through me, from confusion to guilt to regret for asking him out today. 

 

'You know I like you right...'

 

'It's quite obvious.' I say, and pause. 'I'm sorry Kai I don't think I feel the same way.'

 

Is that too direct? Too hurtful? Do I even really care?

 

'Why?' comes the potent question.

 

'There's no why...this kind of thing can't really be explained. I just don't feel it.'

 

Kai looks even more crestfallen now. He blends his rice and curry into some mash. I notice how awake my mind is now, working full steam, thinking of how to make him feel better and alleviate my guilt.

 

'Kai, you're seriously quite good looking. Don't worry la, you can definitely attract a lot of guys.'

 

My words sound so loaded with obnoxious pomp, as if I'm telling him hey you're good enough for so many out there, just not for me. 

 

'Don't worry la, it's okayyyyy,' he says, and that's how I know it's not. 'This is not the first time happening to me lor, and I'm pretty sure got happen to you before right? So you should know it's ok.'

 

Seeing him pick up the pieces of his pride to at least protect our friendship only makes me feel worse. 

 

We eat the rest of the meal in silence. After paying for the bill I bring him shopping around for awhile. This time, it's me who's looking at him intently.

 

'Your turn to stare at me arh?'

 

'You cute mah!'

 

Urgh! Another wrong thing said. It was such a patronising comment that seemed to bear sarcasm. Kai gives the quickest roll of his eyes.

 

He doesn't even want to come to my house. I amble back alone with thoughts that aren't really thoughts, just invisible strings tugging at my mind.

 

Supper is a lonely affair with Maricel, who laughs with her Filipino friend on the phone. Or maybe it's her boyfriend.

 

After finishing I lock myself in the room, jerk off, and fall asleep with crusted cum on my chest and stomach.

[FleaBiscuit]

I increased the length of this chapter quite a lot so I hope you readers like it! Tho this may not necessarily longer chapters from now on - I'll stop where deemed suitable heh. This might sound bimbotic but I spend 2-3 painstaking hours writing each chapter so I'd really appreciate a thumbs up if you guys like what I'm putting out LOL. Comments, both good and bad, are greatly appreciated. Cheers  

[adeledazeem]

I thought this chapter/part was nice, despite seeming less colourful, because it's setting the characters up for more drama ahead. Please continue!  

[FleaBiscuit]

Chapter 9: Chris

 

It's been a few months since Jun Hao, and I feel like I've wizened a lot to the ways of the gay world. People aren't as simple as we think. We all like putting up facades, and we all like thinking the next person we meet may be the one. But mostly, fate has it that this next guy is simply another one who comes and goes in our life. And because we never know, perhaps we shouldn't pin too much hope on random guys we're meeting for the first time. Or maybe we should give every guy his fair chance, because, what if he could've been the one? 

 

Oh, I don't know. I just know that Jun Hao and I devolved into enemies. I told him I'd forgive him, but I obviously didn't have a big enough heart. He said lets remain friends, but his attempt was glaringly lacking in effort. And there we went forth, struggling like two people walking together with their legs tied to each other's. 

 

Just like that, he came and went out of my life. 

 

I used to care, even if just a little, but now I honestly don't. I realized how silly I was, crazy even, to have believed that someone could like me that quickly. 

 

So here I am, behaving like a regular Grindr user, less idealistic and simple-minded, using the app for the same purpose as most of them.

 

My target today is Mike. I had met him just last night and arranged quick fun with him.

 

I get on WhatsApp and send silly selfies of myself to the KFC group chat and some close gay friends. 

 

Felicity: Going out with new target?

 

I don't even have time to reply when Mike's car pulls in and stops under the shelter.

 

Between him and Jun Hao I've met many different guys, but that doesn't stop me from being slightly nervous all the same. I feel so shy and self-conscious walking to his car.

 

'Hello!' a friendly, boyish voice sails out from within.

 

'Hi.'

 

How're you?'

 

I hate it. I freaking hate that question.

 

'Fine I guess...'

 

He begins driving, and I'm determined to get this over and done with. It's not really my thing trying to chat up a 32 year old. 

 

'Where do you want to go? My house isn't free so we've got to do it in public.'

 

I try to hide my displeasure. 'Umm I don't know? I don't like doing it in public.'

 

Already I feel cheated; do the lies by the people of Grindr never end? 

 

'By the way what do you study in school?'

 

'Hist, Math, Lit, Econs.'

 

'Oh...I did CEMG back in RJ. G for Geography.'

 

Duh.

 

'I found Chemistry tough. I got a B for it.'

 

'So where did you study in uni?'

 

'I went to UCL to study Econs. If you have any Econs questions you can ask me. I also helped my ex with his Econs in uni.'

 

The brand name intrigues me instantly. Not bad at all. 

 

After some driving we decide on going to a country club. When parking the car, he tells me of his family background, and I'm slightly stunned for a moment. He asks me where my sister studies. I tell him.

 

'You never teach her isit? That's why never go RGS.'

 

'Wait what do you mean...? Are you kidding? Nan Hua is quite a good school.'

 

I don't talk to my sister almost at all, but I care about her all the same. And I don't care if he's 14 years my senior and comes from a great background. No one acts all elitist over her like that.

 

'You could've tutored her and pushed her into RGS mah. It would have been better. I tried teaching my younger brother leh, but he's just quite stupid. And he doesn't want to listen. Then my parents keep blaming me. So unfair right?'

 

It's a little intriguing hearing a 32 year old talking like that. The childishness of his words completely contradicts the maturity in the way he carries himself, and it messes with my mind.

 

'Have you been to one of these places before?'

 

'No...it's actually a little intimidating, cos I always associated country clubs with rich people...?'

 

'Oh yeah. Last time my ex was also quite suaku, but then I brought him out to more places lor. Like fine dining restaurants and all that.'

 

Ok great. So maybe I'm supposed to care, but I really don't. We make simple talk about my hobbies and interests, and to him my interests in writing and watching films are, that's it? He tells me of the things we'd do together, the places he'd take me. 

 

'Lets go prawn fishing one day.'

 

That one sentence means a lot to me. Not only does it show sexy confidence in securing a second meeting, it shows interest in me and making me happy. And those traits are attractive.

 

We go up a random stairway and finally find the toilets. I follow him into the men's toilet and the cubicles are simply too small and prone to discovery. But while the handicapped toilet is a much more attractive option, it opens right out to the corridor and there's more danger of exposure.

 

'Ok you go in first,' I tell him. 'Then I go.'

 

He enters without hesitation, and I linger outside for awhile, more to muster my courage than anything else. Fuck, this is my first time doing stuff in public and I'm nervous as hell.

 

But I'm even hornier, and I stealthily enter the cubicle. 

 

Mike locks the door behind me, and I stare awkwardly at him. Now that I get to see his features clearly, I find that I rather like them. No he's not conventionally good looking, but something about this kindly face draws me with a sense of familiarity.

 

'So what do I do now?' I whisper, heartbeat racing.

 

'Take off your clothing.'

 

Piece by piece I remove my clothing, and he does too. Even being topless alone makes me feel self-conscious, but I ignore my mind and go on to pull down my pants. 

 

Mike smiles deviously and pins me to the wall. Something feels awakened in me, a kind of crazy lust I've not felt with the other guys. Probably the kind of sexiness only a mature man, not a hot body, can exude. 

 

He finally shows some kind of hesitance when he leans forward, and for the first time I do too. While I'd turn away with previous guys I become a willing participant of this kiss, and it actually feels good. His hands run up my body. Thick, experienced fingers play with my nipples, and I moan into the kiss to let him know I like it. 

 

Mike takes the hint and bends down slightly to suck one nipple, still playing with my other. I feel my sensitive nipples harden, but what is bothering me more is the crazy lust down there. It makes me feel like I should shoot a thousand times over. 

 

'Jerk me off,' I whisper into his ear. 

 

He listens at once, and his desire to please me only makes me more horny. I run my fingers through his hair, clinging him tight to my nipple. His warm hand feels so good on my cock, and I know I won't last long in it. 

 

I gently guide his free hand to my other nipple, and he gets the message fast. The combined pleasure of my three serviced points makes me collapse against the cold wall in utter bliss, and I moan into his ear time and time again.

 

'Oh yeah Mike, I'm close...so close!...argh don't stop don't stop, go faster, faster! Mike!...'

 

My mouth is agape as my body tenses insanely. My first shot blasts onto Mike's stomach, and the rest soak his fist in satin white. 

 

It takes awhile for the pounding in my head to stop, and I lean on him gratefully. Mike kisses my cheek, and I draw away, now that the horniness is over. 

 

It's my turn to please him.

 

As the afterglow of my orgasm ebbs away, I find myself disincentivized, even lazy. Fortunately enough Mike seems to enjoy my hand alone. His mouth is slightly open, his eyelids heavy and his nipples erect. 

 

I increase my speed, arm beginning to burn, and without warning warm shots spurt onto my arm as he tries to suppress his cry of pleasure. 

 

That's it, then. We put on our clothes and exit quickly together. My mood seems better, so is my impression of him. 

 

Mike offers to drive me to a nearby place to eat. I look at the time. It's 6.40pm, and my parents would be expecting me home anytime now. 

 

'Sure,' I tell him. 'We can talk and know more about each other.'

[FleaBiscuit]

10 minutes ago, adeledazeem said:

I thought this chapter/part was nice, despite seeming less colourful, because it's setting the characters up for more drama ahead. Please continue!  

Thanks for taking the time to read and comment  Yes! There's so much setting up to do and trying to make the bridging chapters interesting is the hard part.  

[Guest K W]

I know why I'm hooked already. It's your unique, liberal yet impressively apt use of analogies and personifications to describe the characters' outlook and feelings. 

[FleaBiscuit]

Chapter 10: Ben

 

It's been two weeks since Kai confessed, and three days since he last texted me. His WhatsApp profile says 'last seen today at 1.32pm', exactly one minute ago. I'm beginning to miss his pestering just a little. 

 

Oh my gosh. I have become a stalker of my confessor. Don't these things usually work the other way round?

 

Ding dong. Bishan Interchange. Passengers continuing their journey on the Circle Line, please alight. Bishan Interchange. 

 

The carriages release a flood of human beings who head for the Circle Line. I am elbowed violently by a short, stocky woman rushing past in red curly hair. She makes a tsk! sound and turns back to glare at me, as if it's my fault for enlarging her hips to the size of a life float ring. 

 

Bitch.

 

'Excuse me! Can someone help me?' a visually handicapped lady says loudly, tapping on the ground before her with a walking stick. She is soundly ignored by the crowd, and repeats, 'Hello! Can you help - ah!'

 

Her stick is accidentally kicked by an office lady, who almost trips. She stumbles forward, and, clearly embarrassed, quickly melts into the rest of the crowd. 

 

As usual, Singaporean passersby turn to look without helping. I rush forward to get the lady her walking stick and lead her to the lift. 

 

Ok, 1.35pm, just 5 minutes late from the meeting time. I rush up the stairs two at a time and tap out the gantry. 

 

Me: Where are you?

 

We have moved our conversation to WhatsApp, which is far more convenient. But presently he isn't online. 

 

I find a toilet beside McDonalds and look in the mirror. Face, perfect. I just tweak some strands of hair in place so that they look carelessly tousled. Satisfaction is only allowed to settle in after I've ensured they stay in place.  

 

Back from my trip to the washroom, I see that he still isn't here. WhatsApp shows that he's not been online. 

 

I do a slow 360 turn until I spot him - ten feet away buying tissue packets from an old granny. Just as he is pocketing the newly bought packets I tap his shoulder.

 

Chris seems visibly surprised for a moment. 

 

'Hi!' I say. My eyes swallow the sight of him in his PE attire. Not bad at all. But only one full glance up and down is allowed lest he finds me staring. 

 

'You're Ben right?' he asks somewhat shyly. 

 

'Yeah!...Mm do you wanna go get lunch?'

 

Chris says ok, and we enter Junction 8 mall. I notice him texting on the way up and think of a way to grab his attention. Fast. 

 

At the foot of the next escalator up, I skip past him to go one step higher. I then turn to face him, imposing my height over him and grabbing his attention. 

 

Chris looks up from his phone and smiles. 'Yes?'

 

'So, I'm your number what guy - how many guys have you met before me?'

 

Chris ponders for awhile. 'Countless? I've definitely met quite a few la. For different agendas.'

 

He seems to blush a little at the last word, but that's good! A sign of someone who'd rather tell the truth reluctantly than lie. I've met many guys who're way, way too good at lying. For example there was once a boy who was actually only sixteen -

 

Ok, no. I push the thoughts of the sixteen year old boy aside because it's classified information I don't want to revisit.

 

'So, in the past did you meet any guy you kinda liked?'

 

Chris pauses to think. 'Well...obviously there were a few I felt strongly about. My very first one ended quickly. At that time I legit thought I could've ended up with him! But I found out that he was sort of cheating la. Then...oh, there was this druggie lor. Seriously for my first few ones I tried too hard. I guess I was overeager to fit myself to their liking. But it was too tiring to keep up especially when I didn't really like them in the first place.'

 

I simmer in his response and smile. 'Do you always talk this much?'

 

'Oh, sorry,' says Chris curtly, and he turns away with an embarrassed look on his face. 

 

'No!' I just find it cute la, how you go on and on without holding back. I think too many people have reservations.'

 

I wish smiley faces could somehow be expressed in audible word, so that Chris would know I do not find him annoying at all.

 

'Yeah I definitely don't have reservations. If not I wouldn't have met like 5 guys a week. Not all the time though. Just a part-time slut.'

 

I can't help but laugh at the sheer hilarity of his words and candour. 

 

Chris enters the food court and I follow. It's been ages since I've entered one. The crowd, the chattering, the close proximity of the tables threaten to incite claustrophobia. 

 

He goes to a stall called 'Japanese Delights' and I follow, trying not to sneer at the ultra generic name. The experience of dining at a food court is interesting, to say the least. Ordering isn't much of a problem, because I simply copy Chris. But it's finding a seat that is annoying. 

 

We finally find a table by waiting for a family to finish their meal. I am flabbergasted by their utter unawareness; the kids are fiddling with their iPhones instead of finishing the last remnants of their food, and the mother takes her time sipping tea from a straw despite knowing full well we're waiting. 

 

'Dude, what the fuck right? That mum was fucked up,' I tell Chris when they leave at long last. 

 

'Doesn't this happen all the time?'

 

'I don't eat at food courts often so...'

 

Chris gives a wry grin. 'So you're one of those rich people la.'

 

It's comments like these that are hardest to answer to. You want to avoid sounding arrogant, but not swing to humble bragging. 

 

'Also not my money.'

 

Chris smiles to himself. Once again he seems to enshrine himself in his little mental world, lost in deep thought. But I don't feel neglected or distanced. Instead I want to join him, be invited into his mind. 

 

'So what do you like to do in your free time?'

 

Chris' face contorts into the same ponderous expression, his mouth slightly upturned on one side. His hard gaze at a distant thought in the air lends his eyes a little twinkle, and I see how I could get lost in them, carefully tucked under his long lashes. 

 

'I like staring at the moon,' he says. 'It makes me think if anyone else is staring at it at the same time. And I wonder if we're somehow connected.'

 

Chris says many things I don't fully understand, but they have a drawing power. 

 

'You're very interesting, Chris. You really make me curious as to what's beneath this layer,' I say, motioning at him cursorily.

 

He arches a brow. 'You mean beneath my clothes?' 

 

There's that coy, knowing smile again. It's killing me. 

 

'No! I don't want to get into everyone's pants ok. I mean, for some guys not so fast la. I'd rather try to wait instead of potentially spoiling something.'

 

'Aiya you quite hot what. Should be able to find some ass to pound quite easily.'

 

Chris is a bit loud, but for once I don't care what's going on around me. In fact I feel the beginning of a tent in my underwear. Gosh I shouldn't have chosen briefs today - it feels so tight. 

 

'Let me pound you lor,' I say, encasing my need in a joke. It's pretty common for gay guys right? 

 

Chris grins, but his mind seems somewhere else. 

 

'Actually I kinda like someone else already.'

 

Oh no. Oh nonononono no.

 

'Wah who's that lucky guy,' I say, and he shrugs. My need subsides hastily, as if signaling the the crash of a tsnunami, and indeed a wave of disappointment seems to wring my heart. 

 

 

 

 

[Guest Juxty]

I apologize for being critical but I find the switching back and forth between Chris(tian) and Ben(edict) to be confusing. Your writing is okay but I wish you had created two different threads for the stories of these two guys. As a reader, I want to feel like I'm following one guy's life, but the juxtapositions are too jarring instead.

[FleaBiscuit]

7 hours ago, Guest Juxty said:

I apologize for being critical but I find the switching back and forth between Chris(tian) and Ben(edict) to be confusing. Your writing is okay but I wish you had created two different threads for the stories of these two guys. As a reader, I want to feel like I'm following one guy's life, but the juxtapositions are too jarring instead.

Oh wow I have to admit I never thought readers would encounter this problem and thanks for voicing it! If I were to continue this story with just one character's pov who'd you rather I pick? 

 

Also, thanks for actually getting through this muck and commenting  Writing using only one pov will be much easier than creating intertwining parallel storylines, so thanks for the suggestion!

[Guest Juxty]

7 minutes ago, FleaBiscuit said:

Oh wow I have to admit I never thought readers would encounter this problem and thanks for voicing it! If I were to continue this story with just one character's pov who'd you rather I pick?

 

Also, thanks for actually getting through this muck and commenting  Writing using only one pov will be much easier than creating intertwining parallel storylines, so thanks for the suggestion!

 

After reading through again, I understand better what you are trying to do, as I believe the two guys will eventually intertwine anyway. Maybe you can give each chapter a proper title, followed by a point of view entry, and a brief summary. For example ...

 

Title: Another Disappointing Hook Up

View: Christian

Plot: Chris finally meets an internet acquaintance whose looks turn out to be quite a bit photoshopped.

 

But if you decide it's easier to just go with one guy's point of view, I would be favorable to Christian, since we were introduced to him first. You might even attempt to go all the way through with his story, circle back and go through Benedict's, then combine.

[Guest Wonderful Read]

I like, very much. If you publish I sure buy this book

[Guest Wonderful Read]

Flea Basquiat don't explain too much. Just name the chapters after the character. 

[Guest Wonderful Read]

Just keep it up. Just keep writing the way you have. You keep me intrigued, I cannot get enough.  Don't explain too much. Don't apologise. The unsaid, the unexplained tells a richer story. 

[Guest Notice]

I can tell that you like to write and express yourself, FleaBiscuit, based on this story and the other tale that you posted a few months ago. Although you are, I assume, a student, hopefully you will continue to tell your stories and develop your writing style, albeit without interfering with school. Please keep up the efforts.

[nihao88]

it is a great stories.. thank you Fleabiscuit. i enjoy reading..

[FleaBiscuit]

Chapter 11: Chris

 

This feels like a dream; me waiting for the guy I like (kinda) while reading my school notes. By default, the chances of this dream-like scene should've been minuscule 

 

Especially in the gay community. 

 

My phone buzzes, and all prior resolve to finish reading about Expansionary Monetary Policy dissipates. Well, Econs is my pet subject and it should be easy to handle.

 

Kara: Hey bub you're meeting that guy now?

Felicity: HAHA that guy. You make him sound like some random pedo. Which he sort of is.

Me: GAIS stop it arh. I'm the gerontophiliac here

Kara: WHAT THE FUCJ DOES THAY MEAN

Me: Lmgtfy and btw is your spellcheck not working

Felicity: You vocab nazi bijjj

 

Just then a grey Toyota pulls in, and I receive a text from Mike to say that he's arrived.

 

I stuff my notes into my bag and look around to make sure my mum hasn't suddenly taken the lift down. Coast clear. I make my way to the car quickly.

 

'Hi babe!' comes the same boyish voice, and I gush a little.

 

Already using intimate terms?

 

'Babe?' I say, giving Mike my best good natured, arched-brow look. 

 

I allow my bottom instinct to settle in a little here. By that I mean psychological self-aggrandizement and wanting to feel desired and special. At least I'm not being princessey.

 

'Well, I call all my friends babe.'

 

That's not what I wanted to hear!  

 

'Where do you want to go babe?'

 

'I don't know...you decide?'

 

I'm texting Felicity and Kara about my disgruntlement and they support my displeasure at his unawareness. 

 

'You know I don't like it when I'm with someone and they keep using their phones right...?'

 

Oops. I stash the vibrating gadget in my pocket and turn to Mike, who, without warning, places a hand on my thigh. 

 

'Why you wear your PE attire today, then the shorts so short. You know I like right.'

 

Obviously. 

 

'No la...I wanted to act like I was going out to study, so I wore something school-related.'

 

The warm touch of his thick fingers on my bare skin is somewhat intoxicating. His fingers shift and circle slowly, setting my nerves ablaze with want. 

 

In my shorts, I feel myself getting increasingly turgid. And it's so obvious because of the thinness of the material. 

 

'Babe I drive you to this famous Thai restaurant ok? You're ok with Thai food right? After that then...'

 

Mike's voice trails off because I've placed his hand on my crotch. He clutches at my bulge doggedly, as if wanting me to cum right there and then. I slip his hand into the gap up my thigh and he gets the message fast. His fingers hook into my underwear from inside my shorts and yank it down, gripping my already hardened tool. He strokes very slowly, and for a moment I'm worried he'd lose focus on his driving.

 

'I'm very horny...' I tell him. 'Four days never shoot already.'

 

'Wah why never shoot. I shoot twice everyday you know, before sleeping and after waking up. After lunch I drive us somewhere quiet ok?'

 

Mike then removes his hand and places it on my thigh again. This time, as my erection subsides, his gentle touch invites a warmth and fuzziness instead.

 

Tentatively, I place my hand on his, my slim fingers pasted on his larger frame. His hand twists around, the fingers locking in mine. The warmth emanating from his palm feels like a long-lost magical sensation, and I revel in it. 

 

I look at Mike's large hand in my small one (or is it the other way round?) and then at him. And for a split second my heart goes aflutter, convinced it's found its bedrock. 

 

A light drizzle patters down. I watch with fascination as a droplet creeps down the window, connecting with others, snowballing in size before trickling down quickly. 

 

I hum to Taylor Swift's Teardrops On My Guitar playing on the radio, lightly caressing Mike's palm with a finger. 

 

All is well; the three words that JK Rowling used as a bow to wrap up 12 years of magic. Right here right now, these words aren't an ending, but something I am living in, almost sinfully. My hand in Mike's, the mellifluous patter of raindrops - what an enchanting motion painting.

 

All is well.

 

We seem to reach the Thai restaurant too soon. Mike gets out of the car first, wielding an umbrella in hand and invites me out. 

 

'Come, stand under the umbrella,' he says. 

 

We totter forth slowly, his arm around me. I think of how he might be the only one who dares do this in public, how I've never met anyone as caring and gentlemanly. How no one has walked so close beside me. Suddenly the 14 year age gap seems to matter a whole lot less, a seeming distance that actually isn't. 

 

At the restaurant, I excitedly text KFC, telling my best friends I may have found the one. Buzz.

 

Ben: Heyhey! How're you this weekend? If you're not too busy can I take you out?

 

I literally scratch my head while trying to recall who this guy is. Ben, Ben, Ben...

 

Mike says, 'I told you about phones already right...?'

 

Yes he did. Cannot be forgetful and stupid in front of Rafflesian senior, I note in my mind. I put my two friends away for now. 

 

Edited October 10, 2016 by FleaBiscuit

[FleaBiscuit]

Thanks to all who've read and commented  it means a lot to me as someone who enjoys writing, and also

because each chapter takes so long to craft. I ultimately decided to keep things simple by just labeling the chapters with the pov - and the occurrences within should be somewhat telling as to whose pov it is! Yes that means the alternating chapters will be kept. I don't yet know the potency of this method of writing, but I do want to bring out the idea of different perceptions. How they result in misunderstandings that may never get resolved, causing us to lose what could have been, but also lead to surprises, as well as concern we may not be able to see. And most importantly, a special, connecting bond of fellowship/companionship that necessitates the giving and return of love. 

 

Also someone pmed that my Ben chapters are weaker than my Chris ones, so I'd like to hear more opinions on that heehee. 

 

Cheers.

[Guest @ Club]

Maybe you can at least bold the first line consisting of the chapter's number and character's name to make them stand out better?

[Happypup]

Fleabiscuit: Awesome writing siah! I'm hooked!!! Will totally buy your book if you intend to compile all these stories! =)

 

Please keep it going!!!

 

PS: I thought it's interesting that you alternate randomly between your characters. Granted, I need to reread from the top to make sure I didn't get confused by the names, but I think after a while, we will all know them very well.

[FleaBiscuit]

 

Chapter 12: Ben

 

'Ok ok enough!' I exclaim breathlessly, letting myself stumble sideways into the wire fence. I collapse onto the ground dramatically, and Kai laughs.

 

'So weak arh!' he teases, flinging his shirt at my face. 

 

'WALAO! Your shirt damn smelly leh! Come, I take you home and show you my stamina. Let you see how strong I am.'

 

He bends down so that his face hovers right before mine with an impish grin. 

 

'Ok lor! So long never shoot in me already,' says Kai.

 

I laugh, albeit uncomfortably, and the awkward moment zips past as Kai stalks off to collect the basketball. His back looks firm as ever, a result of his gymming efforts. 

 

It's been a month since I've grabbed his chest from behind, kissing his strong back while fucking his sweet hole, whispering dirty things into his ear. 

 

His back, with the arch of his firm butt straining his shorts, is such a turn on. The need to release comes full on just like that. I walk faster to tell Kai, but he whips around before I can tap his shoulder. 

 

'Eh return me my shirt leh.'

 

He catches my throw and puts it on before heading towards Causeway Point. My horniness flits away. 

 

At the entrance of the mall I notice a guy around 27 staring at Kai and me. From the intensity in his eyes I can tell he's one of us. Not bad, I think. Nice arms and chest. 6.5/10. As usual Kai is oblivious to the attention he's getting with his good looks. But I like that he's innocent that way. 

 

'Do you want to eat at Hot Tomato? My treat!' he says.

 

'Duhh your treat leh how to reject.'

 

'After that go my house make yoghurt ok?' Kai replies with a cheeky undertone. 

 

The proposition is one I accept without question. I've had not had ass for a long, long time. Plus, the thought of having to deal with Financial Accounting later on makes me want to relieve some stress. 

 

'Eh Ben you know hor, there's this damn bitch in my project group from I seriously can't stand lor. She keeps criticizing my work...'

 

I zone out, feeling so lethargic from the workload from university and the basketball game. It feels terrible, like I'm growing dumber the more content I memorise, as if a sheet of wool has been pulled over my mind. These days I barely ever feel fully awake. Some part in me is frightened at how I'm living my life, but even that little bit of consciousness is smothered by the continuous stress and ever approaching datelines. 

 

'Got that bad meh? So how?' I ask as a default, having not listened to Kai's ranting. 

 

'But she's quite important to the play la cos she does act well. But even then -'

 

'Oh my god it's him!'

 

'Who? Where?'

 

I walk a little closer to Uniqlo and point him out to Kai. 

 

'It's Christian. Remember the guy I was telling you about?'

 

I feel a rush of adrenaline pumping through my veins, making me feel truly alive. A thousand voices in my head tell me to venture forth and say hi like the cool guy, but I'm afraid of coming across as a creepy stalker.

 

'Come on la let's go,' Kai says, but I shake my arm off his grip.  

 

The sight of Chris with his arms full of Cold Storage plastic bags softens me on the inside. Something about it makes me feel very homely all of a sudden.

 

'Dude,' stresses Kai more forcefully. 'He looks like a kid.'

 

I glare at Kai. 'Don't judge just cos he looks young. He's probably smarter than us both ok. Come on la, look at him so guai. Help his mum carry groceries. Damn cute right!'

 

'Seriously you're already 22 man. Shouldn't be behaving like an infatuated teenager.'

 

I finally leave reluctantly after giving Chris one last glance. I don't care what Kai says, he only thinks he knows about Chris, but he actually doesn't. 

 

'This is just the human condition, Kai.'

 

'Human condition,' Kai repeats, and lets out a mirthless laughter. 'Stop embarrassing yourself Ben.'

 

I sense a storm brewing, and I know I've just tipped Kai into one of his emotional lecturing modes again. 'Ok I'm sorry -'

 

'No you're not. You're just saying that to placate me.'

 

Kai walks faster and faster, and I can hear his angry breathing. 

 

'Then what do you want me to do?' I ask desperately.

 

'You know what the human condition is?' he snaps. 'Me liking you for three years because of all the moments we spent together. That's real. You've only met him once and you think it's love?'

 

Oh fuck. He's just getting louder and louder, and already people are looking at us weirdly.

 

'Kai-' I try to interrupt but fail.

 

'You know what, doing so much for someone and still be invisible to him; not allowed to complain cos people tell you it was your choice, that's also a human condition.' 

 

By now some customers waiting outside Hot Tomato are staring, and I feel a warm flush spread across my cheeks down to my neck. Beads of perspiration trickle down the side of my head, forming a rivulet that breaks into a run. 

 

A small hard feeling tenses up within me, building up into my head. It is then that I realise my fists are balled up. 

 

'Bye.' 

 

That is the only word I can muster before turning my back to Kai and walking away. 

 

I stride quickly past shops and people, head empty, heart emptier. At the entrance a flashback zips into my mind: of Kai and his innocent, oblivious ways. 

 

That's him, someone who feels strongly and lives in his channel of emotions, shielded from the nuances of life and the complexity of human relations. But ignorance is forgivable, and sometimes makes you want to protect it. I see Kai's yearning for me, so constant and passionate, and yet I cast it aside like some nondescript emotion - that's true villainy.

 

My phone is in my hand before I know it.

 

Me: I'm sorry Kai I just 

 

The little vertical line blinks at me as if persuading me to go on, apologise and make things right. 

 

But I have nothing to say.

 

Instead I abandon my floundering attempt at an apology and say hi to Christian instead. My ringer is switched on and I wait for his reply with heavier, but still bated breath. 

 

'Ok,' I mutter under my breath. 'It's all good.'

 

But even I can't convince myself. 

[FleaBiscuit]

Chapter 13: Chris

 

I lay my head on the table and sigh, too tired and weary of Math. My affinity with the subject was lost the day I entered secondary school. Despite my mum's several reminders of how well I did in primary school, I've never regained that dominance. But it's partly my fault. 

 

'Eh stuck arh?' asks Kara, who is writing an essay for General Paper. My best friends are familiar with my arduous relationship with Math.

 

'Yeah...can't do again.' Math is okay until you encounter an unfathomable question. The dread arrests your mind, because you know a twenty minute stare is imminent, to no avail. 

 

Felicity grabs my book to look at the question. In the meantime I check my phone for messages. 

 

Sigh. Mike hasn't even read my message. Sometimes I wish he'd just turn on the last seen function. But asking him to would probably alert him to stalking tendencies.  

 

'Okay this is actually hard,' Felicity announces

 

'Really?!' I exclaim and raise my head with interest. Usually a Math question goes unsolved due to gross incompetence. 

 

'Eh guys should we dinner at J8?' Kara asks.

 

'Like now? Not yet leh I'm still waiting for Mike's reply. We actually agreed to meet tonight for dinner lor, but he until now haven't confirm.'

 

Felicity rolls her eyes. 'Who cares about Mike! He's just some pedo. How old is he again?'

 

I heave a sigh and my head droops back onto the table. 

 

I stare and stare and stare at Mike's name, mentally willing him to show up, trying to use my little romantic connection to establish a telepathic one. Kara taps me with her pen and I ignore her. I stare and stare and stare - and then he shows up.

 

Online, it reads below his name. The two blue ticks appear soon after. 

 

Mike: Hi babe shall I go fetch you now?

 

Duh, he already agreed to anyway. And it was supposed to be half an hour ago.

 

Me: Yup! You coming to school now?

Mike: You go to Serangoon mrt and I'll fetch you from there at 7.15 ok? 

 

'What?!'

 

'Is he not coming?' asks Kara a little too excitedly.

 

'He is...but what the hell I'm supposed to travel to Serangoon.'

 

Me: Ok!

Mike: Cya babe

 

'Aiyo don't go laaa,' whines Kara. You've been meeting him so much anyway.'

 

I can't decide if Kara is insinuating that I've neglected the group of late. But it is true, and I have plans to make it up to the two girls. After tonight. No - after I succeed tonight.

 

'Dude why do you bother,' laments Felicity upon seeing me pack my pencil case. 

 

'Guys I'm going to ask him to date me officially later.'

 

'Uhhh I didn't know you were serious about this,' says Kara.

 

'What the fuck I thought I already said so many times? He feels like the right one.'

 

'And why do you say that?' Felicity asks with a sneer. 

 

'Mmm...he's a really sensitive and caring guy. I still remember on our first date we were walking through the carpark, then he made sure I stayed in front of him. And when some car was behind he gently nudged me to the side...Aiya, basically just a gentleman you know? Do you know how freaking rare that is in the gay community? Most of the guys are just fucked up sluts who think too highly of their worth. But for him I feel genuine sensitivity and concern for my wellbeing la.'

 

The two girls look at each other and giggle. Felicity recovers first and presses on with the interrogation. 

 

'Isn't that something your parents would do for you too?' she muses.

 

'Yeah but isn't that the point? Only special people know not to take these little things for granted. I should keep those who bother doing them for me.'

 

Felicity lets out a droning sound. 'So what're you gonna do later?'

 

'I didn't prepare anything actually. I guess just improvise lor.'

 

I've only just met Mike yesterday and haven't had time to prepare anything for tonight, what with schoolwork and all. 

 

'Eh please be on the chat group arh. I might need emotional support later.'

 

Kara rolls her eyes. 'Good luck,' she says sarcastically. But the sarcasm is of the type that's exchanged between friends, and I know she actually supports me. 

 

The train journey to Serangoon is packed with people. I wonder if Singaporeans really are living up to their name as some of the hardest workers in the world. It never fails to irritate me how early so many of them leave work, flooding the train like a shoal of tuna.

 

I feel almost spiritually enhanced when I click on the black and yellow icon. One last time, I think. After tonight I probably won't be needing this anymore. I feel a simmering swirl of hope rising within me. Words like graduate, better person and mature rest opulently at the back of my mind. 

 

My mind is a stage and I the protagonist, bidding goodbye a villain who has made me a worse person for so long. Feelings of enlightenment and maturation trickle down, wrapping me in their warmth. 

 

At Serangoon station I look at my watch intently as the minutes tick by. I try to quell my growing impatience with those thoughts of enlightenment. Stay calm, I tell myself. You are a better person now.

 

When Mike finally arrives I've almost dozed off while standing. With foggy vision and an oncoming migraine my first instinct is to snap at him.

 

'Sorry babe I lost my way while coming here and I had to top up petrol also. How was your day?'

 

Mike's cheery voice does little to soothe my anger. A glance at my watch tells me it's 8. He is 45 minutes late, and that's a little too much whatever the excuses. Suddenly his cheery voice feels almost calculated, designed to make me look like the calculative villain should I retort.

 

I take three deep breaths. You're a better person now! I remind myself. 

 

Mike and I head into Nex shopping mall, and he forces me to hand my school bag over to him. 

 

'Thanks,' I say, gushing at yet another little act of niceness. It's so sexy when a mature guy pampers you like that. 

 

'Wah your bag so heavy arh. Heavier than my weights at home leh!'

 

This comment makes my eyes focus on his arms for a moment, and the slight signs of beefiness through his sleeves bring forth a gush of indecent thoughts in my head. 

 

We decide to eat at Pizza Hut, and as usual the ordering poses a bit of a problem because I know he'd be the one paying. I try to minimize the food orders so it'd be less expensive and I won't feel like a useless freeloader.

 

'Mike, can I say something?'

 

'Yes?' he replies nonchalantly while texting. Must be his work again.

 

I am about to grab my phone for support until I recall how he dislikes this practice during mealtimes. 

 

The words catch on my tongue, all the courage I thought I had mustered now non-existent. 

 

Mike looks up and places his phone down

 

'Chris? Is something wrong? Just say leh.'

 

'Do you have any idea what I'm about to say? I'm just very nervous la.'

 

A frown creases Mike's forehead. 'You...did badly for a test?'

 

I shake my head.

 

'Need to go home now?'

 

I shake my head again.

 

'You...like someone else?'

 

This is quite the opposite of what I want to broach, but I'm interested.   

 

'What if I did?'

 

A flash of disbelief and hurt colours Mike's expression. It was brief, but there. 

 

'Then...I wish you good luck.'

 

'Wouldn't you be sad?'

 

'Of course I would...after coming to know you I feel like we have great potential. And it will be a big blow to lose you now la.'

 

Urgh, perfect, full marks answer. How could it be that someone could be 'the one' so completely. 

 

Perhaps it's the coldness that's making me start to shiver, though I'd attribute it to my nerves. I'm ready.

 

'So is it that you found someone?' Mike asks, his tone crestfallen, his eyes downcast. And there's something quietly beautiful in his disappointment.

 

'Yes I did.'

 

'Okay so...you want to leave?'

 

'No, not leave. Be together...eh Mike.'

 

A waiter interrupts us to serve the food. 

 

'Mike,' I restart. 'Will you date me?'

 

The instantaneous metamorphosis of his facial expression makes me wish I had caught it on video. He appears to vacillate between disbelief and happiness. 

 

I am brimming with my own conundrum of emotions. 

 

'That person is you,' I clarify. 'I know you're the top and that you're the older one so you might feel the obligation to be the one who asks all this. Buuut, I thought initiating would let you know that I'm ready to commit too, even though I'm younger.'

 

'Oh my god you almost gave me a heart attack you know?!'

 

I cannot contain my smile anymore, and grin like I've become the Joker. 

 

'So how? Will you date me?'

 

'Yes la!'

 

If not for the environment I'd be hugging him now. I am officially dating now...! First time at 18. I will never catch up with Taylor Swift but that's okay. 

 

'Wah, my heart still beating damn fast you know?! I really thought you were gonna leave me for someone else leh.'

 

I don't care about the people around, I place my hand gently on his chest. 

 

'It's ok. It's my job to take care of this now,' I tell Mike.

 

We gobble down the pizza quickly, our appetites whetted by newfound love. And oh! I whip out my phone and delete all my dating apps in Mike's face. He gives me a dreamy smile, and I return it. We complete the rest of the meal with dreamy talk about our future together, and Mike suggests a year end holiday overseas.

 

'And if you study in the UK right I could visit you and take you traveling in Europe.'

 

When going home, at the carpark, an urge in me makes me hold Mike's hand. I hold it to my lips and give it one long kiss. 

 

The result is gorgeous. A smile, a real, genuine one. One that makes his cheekbones pop and reaches his eyes, making his eyelids somewhat droopy. Under the dim light of the dank carpark this feels almost like a fantasy.

 

In the car something wild overwhelms me; a primordial need. With the authority of a date I pull one hand over my crotch and guide the other one up my shirt. I've never felt so powerful and unabashed about this desire.

 

In silent acknowledgement Mike's fingers go to work. I lean back on his car seat, giving a grateful sigh, fixated on his now-horny look.

 

'I'm so horny,' I tell him, determined to end the night with white ribbons of bliss.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest guest]

wow its really a good story but i just gets confused between the two person's pov. Are they different people who have total no relationship with each other or are they some acquaintance somehow? I'm sorry if this sound stupid but i'm just confused reading over at one shot and i'm bad with names so it's confusing for me to understand the stories completely but nonetheless its still an interesting story that made me read all the way down. Great job! 

[FleaBiscuit]

14 hours ago, Guest guest said:

wow its really a good story but i just gets confused between the two person's pov. Are they different people who have total no relationship with each other or are they some acquaintance somehow? I'm sorry if this sound stupid but i'm just confused reading over at one shot and i'm bad with names so it's confusing for me to understand the stories completely but nonetheless its still an interesting story that made me read all the way down. Great job! 

Hello  glad that you found it a good read. Just to clarify, this story primarily revolves around its two protagonists, Ben and Chris. Each chapter alternates between their points of view, and this is labeled at the top of the chapter in bold. Their storylines are parallel but often intertwining, meaning their plot strands converge to create a story.

 

However these are two different people with their own lives to lead. It's perhaps to show that while our love stories/lives may seem like the most immediate/important existential experiences, we should not forget how they came about. With millions of ongoing life journeys around us, it feels like some omniscient higher power has brought two people together; the message is to cherish this bond. Because fate can pull people apart as it can bring people together.

 

As the writer of this story having two POVs increases my power, in a way. I'm the omniscient higher power who gets fastidious say on what happens to Chris and Ben. Like for them, our bonds with our partners are not sustained just by ourselves. So don't discount *his* intentions/emotions/motivations and tend only to your feelings. Place yourself above the circumstances, rethink how you want to respond, and you can have a bit of that omniscient power too. A love story belongs to two people and we can't ever have absolute say on how it ends, but our voices are louder if we learn to speak for two instead of just one. 

 

Okay you probably didn't want to hear all this but like Chris, I ramble. That being said the next chapter will be up like, very soon !

[Happypup]

Totally can't wait!!! *Excited Squeal*

[FleaBiscuit]

Chapter 14: Ben

 

'Ben, are you humming?' Ma asks as soon as I step out of the shower. 

 

My hands pause as I think back, and realise I indeed was humming. 

 

'Why? Hum cannot arh,' I say, and continue drying my hair. 

 

Ma gives me a mock-dissatisfied look. 'Can. Of course can. But who's made you so happy?' 

 

Ma hangs the last of my shirts and shuts the wardrobe. She sits on my bed and pats the space beside her, beckoning me over. I notice how her face is natural and unpainted, her T-shirt worn out and her pants of a drab floral design. There's a maternal comfort to all this, and it draws me over.

 

'So,' she begins, and I know it'll be a long conversation. 'Who is this new boy?'

 

'Ma, he's just a friend.'

 

'What's his name? What does he do?'

 

'Why do you ask so much?' Chris is coming over, and no, she's not about to terrorize him with her impassioned interrogation. Ma has scared off plenty of potential boyfriends before, and it's my job to rein her in this time. 

 

'Just answer me!' she insists.

 

'Chris la, Chris la. He's in j2. Enough?'

 

'Have you gotten over Keane?'

 

I get up to retrieve fresh clothes from the cupboard, dropping my towel such that my naked butt faces Ma. 

 

'Yeah. We don't even talk anymore.'

 

'Make sure you don't get hurt anymore, ok?'

 

I stick my head through the neck hole and turn back in surprise. That statement is so real, so...motherly. I had expected her to interfere in my love life. But no, all she wants is for history not to repeat itself.

 

'I won't. He's in Raffles by the way,' I tell her, feeling a sudden urge to be more open to her about my new find. 'So yeah, if, I mean if arh...if we get together you'll finally kind of have a son from RI.' 

 

I give Ma an impish smile and she walks over to pinch my cheek, giving another mock-displeased look.

 

'Nonsense arh you! Mummy is not so caught up in all this. If you like him must treat him well ok? Ask him over some time la! Let me spot check!'

 

Ding! 

 

I leap over to my phone in one single stride. 

 

Chris: I'm outside your gate!

 

'Umm actually, he's here. Like right now.'

 

I bolt out of my room and down the stairs. Chris' arrival brings a flurry of activity to the house. Money rushes past me to the gate, barking madly like the typical Toy Poodle. 

 

'Money!' I holler, knowing the little brown thing won't listen to me anyway.

 

Behind, Ma shouts, 'Maricel go cook something for the guest!' 

 

She joins me at the gate to welcome our guest, looking frantic but excited. It's been years since I've brought a guy back, and I know she's excited at the prospect of playing matchmaker. 

 

'Welcome, Chris!' she blasts.

 

It takes some self-control not to facepalm as Chris looks at me awkwardly, and then to Ma.

 

'Hi Auntie,' he greets with a hint of shyness.

 

'Come in, take a seat!' Ma says shrilly, before hurrying to the kitchen to help with the hospitality. 

 

I look nervously at Chris; his eyes rove up and down the architecture of the house, bright and alert. 

 

'Wow. You have such a big house. It's damn nice!' he tells me, almost in a whisper. 

 

Is it due to amazement? Or plain shyness? That I can't tell, but all I know is that the statement makes me want to protect him. Don't ask me why. 

 

'Ok quickly go up!' I tell Chris. I need to smuggle him into my room before Ma coils her tentacles around him. 

 

'Why?' he asks, and his hesitation costs us precious time. Ma follows us up the stairs and it's too late to lock her out.

 

She stands at the door, hand on her hip, looking like the cat who got the cream.

 

'Hi Chris! You know Ben for how long already?'

 

'Ma!' I shout, trying to push her out, but to no avail.

 

'Don't worry, I'm going out now for dinner so the house will be very empty. I already said what, can 'hum' right?! Just don't be so loud until the neighbours can hear. And not boyfriend yet must wear poncho ok? Ben, don't think I never see those packets arh.'

 

I feel my face burning as I finally lock her out of the room, but not before she gives a scandalous smile, saying 'I'll only be back at midnight.'

 

I jam my finger against the lock and suck in a deep breath. One, two, three. When I turn there's nothing to be awkward about at all. Chris is admiring some movie posters on the wall, gently caressing one from Guardians Of The Galaxy.

 

He turns to me. 'Oh my god did you buy this? It has their autographs.'

 

'I got this from Comic-Con like last-'

 

'WHAT THE FUCK! Wait so you saw them? Like Chris Pratt and all?!'

 

'Yes.'

 

'OH MY GOD. THAT'S SO UNFAIR.'

 

I laugh because his mouth forms an O. Seeing his rare and sudden effusiveness is giddying. The spark of the moment makes me think of funny things like stuffing a sausage into his open mouth. 

 

Chris sits on my bed and runs his fingers over the sheets. 

 

'It feels so smooth,' he proclaims. 

 

'Hahaha eh you damn cute leh. Always say such random things.'

 

When he looks up with that boyish grin I feel my heart melting. There is something behind those eyes that makes him so attractive. It's an amalgamation of innocent boyishness and knowing maturity. Sounds like a dichotomy, a paradox. But it's so him. A boy who's grown up quickly around the harsh realities of our community. 

 

I sit beside Chris. 'Eh sorry about my mum arh. She's always like that one.'

 

His eyes widen and sparkle even more. 'No she's so cool! She knows you're gay?'

 

'Yeah...actually she knew some time ago already. I'm very lucky that she accepted me for who I am.'

 

'Wow. And does your dad?'

 

'Oh he knows but they divorced already. So...he doesn't really interfere much in my life.'

 

'Oh shit I'm sorry.' Chris places his hand gently on my arm.

 

I flex on purpose, and when he withdraws his hand tentatively, I try not to smile. Urgh, the true fruits of gymming, there you are.

 

'So your mum earns a lot? I mean the upkeep of this house must be pretty expensive right?'

 

'Mmm not really...she earns a decent amount la, but the house doesn't account for much of our expenses since it's already fully paid for.'

 

Chris nods slowly and gets up. He looks outside the window, and the sparkle in his eyes fades, like the fire on a stove being turned low. 

 

'What are you looking at?'

 

He blinks and returns to earth. 'No la, sometimes I look like I'm in a daze. It's my natural state, actually. But don't worry if you say something I can still hear you. And anyway what are you doing?!'

 

I fling my shirt on the floor, pretending to fan myself with a random file snatched up from

the table. Not to boast, but I know my body is a great asset I have in attracting guys. And it seems like a waste not to use it one way or another right here in my room.

 

It's clearly working. 'Take off your shirt for what?' Chris asks, his gaze fixated on my body. 

 

With as much swagger as I can summon I walk over, standing right in front of him. 

 

'It's hot mah. You like it?'

 

Chris shifts backward to lean against the wall. I corner him by kneeling on his legs, using my knees to bear my weight. 

 

'What are you doing?' 

 

I look away from his eyes, at the Snorlax plushie lying against my bed frame. 

 

With my eyes closed I ask, 'Do you want to go out with me?'

 

When I open my eyes again I see mixed feelings. And then confusion. 

 

'Did you just ask that?' he asks, as if me confessing were something incredulous.

 

I egg him on with my silence. 

 

Chris gives a pained look, his gaze averting mine, no longer interested in my body. The thought that I might've asked too late rings tauntingly at the back of my mind.

 

'I'm actually dating Mike now.'

 

'Oh.' I was right; I'm too late. 

 

My voice breaks. Thoroughly embarrassed by my sudden meekness, I get off him and the bed. I feel so pathetic as I pick my shirt off the floor and slip it back on.

 

'How old is he?'

 

'32.' Chris is firm when he says that, poised to receive questions.

 

A jadedness curls up within me, and this meeting seems meaningless now. There's not much chance for me, is there? Or he'd have chosen me right from the start. And there's not much honour in snatching over someone's date, regardless of whether they're already together.

 

'Can I see his pic?'

 

Chris jumps out of bed at the request, his tongue sticking out a little as he searches on his phone. When his arm reaches out, a single look at the screen sends my heart tumbling further down the wretched slope. 

 

Confusion becomes a concoction of bitterness and jealousy. I don't understand how it's possible that I've lost to this guy.

 

'I know la, he's not good looking. But he's very nice to me. And I like him a lot.'

 

A shy smile raises the ends of his lips just slightly, fresh like a rosebud, or a frond unraveling itself. It feels like a smile to say sorry. 

 

I feel myself soften a little at the thought of him being happy. But the feeling of getting my insides wrung cannot be understated. 

 

To say the least, it is nauseating. 

 

Chris unzips his bag and pulls out some notes. He looks up hesitantly, most probably sensing my unwanted affection. 

 

'You don't mind me studying right?'

 

'Sure!' I try to exclaim, and my voice sounds loud but flat. 

 

Chris lies belly-down on my bed and places his notes on my pillow. The way he talks to himself is so cute, and I wish I could join him. Five minutes ago I would've. But now even lying next to him as a friend feels like sacrilege. 

 

Fuck. Fuck. FUCK. Being usually decisive, it is unusual not to know what to do. I mess around with my books, before deciding to seek comfort in a warm bath. 

[Happypup]

Wow... Bravo!!! My heart melted a little more... =P

[Guest guest]

Another great chapter! Nice one!! Keep it going bro!!! 

[Mastiff]

Wow. How much of this stuff is based on real life experiences?  

 

I've lived through so many of these scenarios, but had long forgotten them till reading your stories brought the memories back - both good and bad. 

 

All except for the prescient, uber supportive mum with the nice digs. 

 

Yeah, I could have done with one of those. 

 

 

 

  

 

 

[rainingbamboos]

nice story!

[FleaBiscuit]

Wrote chapter 15 a few days back but decided to release now cos I just found out some reader is actually a friend of mine

[FleaBiscuit]

Chapter 15: Chris

 

I slouch over at the weight of the shopping bags, my arms about to snap. Little tired puffs are exhaled, perspiration drenches my shirt. Yet I cannot rest, as the arriving call for the train sounds. 

 

The MRT finally pulls into the station, and my clothes do a jingle in the welcome little gust of wind. Weighed down on both sides, I waddle stoically like a penguin into the cabin, before letting the multiple bags down with a soft groan. 

 

Doors are closing, beepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeepbeep! Pssssst. Next station, Bukit Batok. 

 

Quickly, I whip out my phone and take a selfie of my windswept hair, still slightly stiff from yesterday's hair wax. Yes I didn't shower for the night but that was because I was studying, so don't judge. Snap! Another picture of the shopping bags laid at my feet is taken. 

 

I smile as I notice that Mike is online on WhatsApp. 

 

Me: Hi babe! Wanna see a random selfie I took? HAHA

 

My smile drops as Mike goes promptly offline. Somehow it feels like he scooted off at my presence. I can't help but think of the old days, those of unspoken texting games. Where the other guy baits your impatience with slow replies, as if urging for you to snap. Accusations are exchanged and everything goes downhill. I never understood why those guys needed that kind of drama and attention. 

 

Of course, this is different. Mike and I are dating now. This calls for trust and understanding, and I quash the little doubtful demon within me. 

 

With no one to reply to I turn my attention to my mum.

 

'Mummy,' I call, and instantly regret it. She had been dozing off while holding onto the pole, and now she looks at me with tired, beady eyes.

 

'什么?' she asks. Yes? 

 

I bite my lip a little, wondering how to phrase this without giving myself away. 

 

'You know right, I have a friend - she's like 20 plus la. Then she's with a guy 14 years older you know?!'

 

Screw it. The chance of her linking this to me is almost zilch. 

 

I study her face for signs of disgust or disapproval. But her look of lethargy barely changes - it can't be due to plastic surgery because we don't have the monies for that. 

 

'So?' she asks, quite resoundingly.

 

'Isn't it quite big? 14 years leh, the age gap.'

 

'Doesn't matter what. Age is just a number! It's rare la, but if they really like each other then ok lor.'

 

I am pleasantly surprised at this progressive thinking by a lady who has on so many occasions displayed a conservative stance. But ah, right - she and my dad are aged 8 years apart. It must've liberated her views on love at least a little, and subconsciously it's normalized a bigger age gap for me as well.

 

With an arm around her, I say, 'Eh mummy later I'll be going out for awhile. But I'll be back before dinner.'

 

'Where you going?' she asks, looking concerned.

 

'Study,' I lie a little too easily, having used the same line several times before. 

 

It doesn't take long for the train to reach Woodlands from Jurong East. After that there's less than ten minutes of lugging to my house. Once inside I drop the shopping bags and head straight for the bathroom. 

 

On the toilet bowl I text the girls, pleading with them to teach me Math after I return from my outing. 

 

I turn on the shower and begin soaping myself aggressively. The tubes are squeezed generously as I form as much lather on my body as possible. It feels cumbersome reaching rubbing every nook and cranny, but I know it'll be all worth it when I come out looking fresh and smelling seductive. 

 

After my body is settled, it's the hair. I run the shampoo through my hair and rinse it off after around 2 minutes. The conditioner is massaged gently into my scalp, and I leave it while shifting to the mirror momentarily. I pat my series of creams onto my face softly, finishing it off with splashes of cold water. Back to the shower spray. Conditioner washed off. Done. 

 

Showering is always more important when going out with a date. It's part of this whole notion of looking your best, which also includes choosing the right clothes, and adding on whatever stylistic expressions. 

 

I opt for a simple blue top and red shorts, colours that pop against each other. After styling my hair minimally I rush to the door. My acting is so close to being busted when I realised I've forgotten to bring my bag. Luckily my mum is in the kitchen and doesn't see this lapse. 

 

After grabbing my bag from my room, I escape from home and take the lift down. Seeing myself panting in the lift mirror makes me laugh almost deliriously. I never knew dating could feel like some exciting, clandestine affair. 

 

At first, I'm relieved that Mike isn't already here. But I'm informed by my watch that he's already half an hour late, and relief turns to frustration at the flip of a switch. 

 

And he isn't responding to my messages either. 

 

I while my time away scrolling through the Missed Connections thread on Blowing Wind, one of my more favoured pastimes. It's interesting to visualize the different scenario descriptions and the cute guys. I always laugh at those who post more than once. What makes them think any cute guy would go for them? Firstly, it looks pathetic to keep digging for cute guys and failing. Secondly, the whorish and shallow nature of their posts casts doubt on them as potential boyfriends. Lastly, if they were good looking themselves, they'd be plugged (literally) to many guys already, and not be here looking for missed connections. Without image, character or looks, why'd I go for them even if I fit their descriptions?

 

Mike finally arrives in his car, and I jump from my seat excitedly. 

 

'Hiii!' I squeal, pinching his cheek the moment I get in. It has been some time since I last saw him.

 

'How has school been lately? Where you wanna go today babe?'

 

'Just drive first la then we talk and decide together.' 

 

As we leave the estate I reach for Mike's hand, and he clasps mine tightly. This little gesture has become one that symbolizes our togetherness, bridging our strengths to each other, healing jaded hearts and tired souls from unspoken burdens. 

 

'Thanks for always driving me around, Mike,' I say. 'Next time I give you rides of my own, ok?'

 

Mike smiles at the innuendo. 'Ok lor, then I look forward to it. You really very naughty leh...people driving then make them so horny. Really need to teach you a lesson you know?'

 

Mike reaches for my crotch and gives a tight squeeze. 

 

'Babe, are you happy we're together now?' I ask. 

 

'Why this sudden question?'

 

'No la...just curious.'

 

'Of course la. Eh you know arh, previously all I dated was poly dropouts you know?'

 

I blanch somewhat at the elitist-sounding statement but brush it off quickly. No reason to argue with him over people in his past. I'll mould him slowly from now on. Starting now.

 

'No la can't say that...I once dated an ex-druggie. And even though we broke up I never regretted anything. I didn't mind his educational background, but what annoyed me was his delusional state of mind. That being said -'

 

'I never said I regretted dating them what. Just disappointed in the way they treated me. You know arh, one of them hit me leh. Threw the vase at my head, and my head bled so much. I can't believe I lived under his abuse for so long. When my dad asked me what happened I had to tell him I was gay. Then we made a police report together lor. That guy still had the cheek to be angry you know, so shameless right?'

 

I keep silent, not knowing how to respond to that.

 

'Then got another one. Really treat me like a bank account leh. Always make me buy him expensive stuff. Two days before we broke up even made me buy him expensive shoes you know? Another shameless one. Dunno why I keep meeting such people hor, babe.'

 

I feel bogged down by Mike's previous encounters, burdened by his need that I'm the perfect one this time.  

 

With nothing else to say I get on the KFC chat group on WhatsApp. 

 

Me: Gaise I'm sad and confused Didn't know Mike had such prior bad experiences.

 

I wait for a reply, but neither of the girls seems to be online. 

 

'Babe what're you doing?'

 

Sensing displeasure at my use of the phone, I put it away. 

 

'Nothing la just telling my friends how happy I am with you.'

 

Mike slips his hand away and places it on the steering wheel. 

 

'Can you not do that? I really don't like it when you anyhow reveal things to people you know? Can you imagine? I was clubbing once then someone came up to me and tell me about my life story. Then say he's glad that I've grown stronger. Very funny right? Complete stranger you know?'

 

'But they're my friends what, not like-'

 

'Friends to you but strangers to me right? Can you promise not to do that? Hm?'

 

A small voice of protest squirms uncomfortably within me, but I hush it. Being with someone you like isn't meant to be easy. I should compromise where I can. 

 

'Babe? I'm asking you a question you know?'

 

'Yeah. I won't tell them,' I assure Mike, and smile when he looks to me.