Guest Am I a failure? Posted July 11, 2018 Report Share Posted July 11, 2018 I will be reaching a new milestone for my age soon and felt so insignificant that other younger people are much capable and earning more. The worst is I have to face them almost everyday and putting on a smiling face is so tiring. Life might be more than just about money but sometimes I feel that my pride has shattered and pretending to be happy I really hate it. How can I get rid of such poisonous thoughts? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beargeek Posted July 11, 2018 Report Share Posted July 11, 2018 Not gonna lie here, I have gone through a similar rough patch. Seeing a professional helps honestly! Sometimes, externalising it rather than bottling it up allows you to heal and grow! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ironrod Posted July 11, 2018 Report Share Posted July 11, 2018 15 minutes ago, Guest Am I a failure? said: I will be reaching a new milestone for my age soon and felt so insignificant that other younger people are much capable and earning more. The worst is I have to face them almost everyday and putting on a smiling face is so tiring. Life might be more than just about money but sometimes I feel that my pride has shattered and pretending to be happy I really hate it. How can I get rid of such poisonous thoughts? Your attachment to "SELF" is very strong. Your thought arise due to "comparing" and as long as u keep comparing yourself with others. You will always have a problem. How to get rid of it? Reduce your jealously, enhance your self-esteem, be contented for being yourself. upshot 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest Posted July 11, 2018 Report Share Posted July 11, 2018 35 minutes ago, Guest Am I a failure? said: I will be reaching a new milestone for my age soon and felt so insignificant that other younger people are much capable and earning more. The worst is I have to face them almost everyday and putting on a smiling face is so tiring. Life might be more than just about money but sometimes I feel that my pride has shattered and pretending to be happy I really hate it. How can I get rid of such poisonous thoughts? Poor thing..go sulk and cry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigdanbeam Posted July 11, 2018 Report Share Posted July 11, 2018 Stop comparing yourself with others mate69 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaO Posted July 11, 2018 Report Share Posted July 11, 2018 28 minutes ago, Guest Guest said: Poor thing..go sulk and cry. wa dont act like some fucker eh, people come here seek some help and advice you come here show no empathy disgusting la dey grow up hor. also, why do you need to feel insignificant for? you have traits others don't as well, so why feel like they are better? for everytime you think shitty about yourself and how great others are, yo uthink of a good point you have and focus on that and then think on how to expand your good points and branch out from there ProMouth 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaO Posted July 11, 2018 Report Share Posted July 11, 2018 1 minute ago, JaO said: wa dont act like some fucker eh, people come here seek some help and advice you come here show no empathy disgusting la dey grow up hor. also, why do you need to feel insignificant for? you have traits others don't as well, so why feel like they are better? for everytime you think shitty about yourself and how great others are, yo uthink of a good point you have and focus on that and then think on how to expand your good points and branch out from there latter part is for the main thread Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AskMeNot Posted July 11, 2018 Report Share Posted July 11, 2018 Stop comparing yourself with others and you will feel better. Kkklaus 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
auscent Posted July 11, 2018 Report Share Posted July 11, 2018 Hmm..u gotta do something that makes u different fr youngsters. Someth positive n empowering. Uve gotta find n create that niche urself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lonelyglobe Posted July 11, 2018 Report Share Posted July 11, 2018 17 hours ago, Guest Am I a failure? said: I will be reaching a new milestone for my age soon and felt so insignificant that other younger people are much capable and earning more. The worst is I have to face them almost everyday and putting on a smiling face is so tiring. Life might be more than just about money but sometimes I feel that my pride has shattered and pretending to be happy I really hate it. How can I get rid of such poisonous thoughts? what is the new milestone age? 30, 40, 50 or 60? If 60 still want to compare that is quite sad, 30 should not be a problem, so I guess should be 40 to 50. This is where the mid life crisis kick in, so need to really handle it well. Everyone is unique so there is no need to compare, u can't go back to the 20s so why compare? If u want to compare, why don't compare with those from the third world countries who are less fortunate than u, perhaps that will make u feel better and realised how fortunate u r. Problems with singaporeans and perhaps other nationality are they never satisfy with wat they already had but want to go for wat they don't have or can't possibly achieve. Life is short, so why not do something that makes u happy instead of making comparison and make yourself miserable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Indian Posted July 11, 2018 Report Share Posted July 11, 2018 2 hours ago, JaO said: wa dont act like some fucker eh, people come here seek some help and advice you come here show no empathy disgusting la dey grow up hor. also, why do you need to feel insignificant for? you have traits others don't as well, so why feel like they are better? for everytime you think shitty about yourself and how great others are, yo uthink of a good point you have and focus on that and then think on how to expand your good points and branch out from there Haha.."disgusting la dey"..didn't know Chinese Singaporean oso uses Indian slang like "dei/dey"...I tot only Malaysians uses the word "dei/dey".. Cute... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Michael Posted July 12, 2018 Report Share Posted July 12, 2018 14 hours ago, Guest Am I a failure? said: I will be reaching a new milestone for my age soon and felt so insignificant that other younger people are much capable and earning more. The worst is I have to face them almost everyday and putting on a smiling face is so tiring. Life might be more than just about money but sometimes I feel that my pride has shattered and pretending to be happy I really hate it. How can I get rid of such poisonous thoughts? First you must define what is your definition of "insignificant" . If you cant, then define what is consider "significant". A lot of people complained of not achieving their goals w/o knowing what is their goal .... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
repressednerd Posted July 12, 2018 Report Share Posted July 12, 2018 19 hours ago, Guest Am I a failure? said: I will be reaching a new milestone for my age soon and felt so insignificant that other younger people are much capable and earning more. The worst is I have to face them almost everyday and putting on a smiling face is so tiring. Life might be more than just about money but sometimes I feel that my pride has shattered and pretending to be happy I really hate it. How can I get rid of such poisonous thoughts? I have to interact with people half my age when I do volunteer work. Yet even if I get treated like shit, I still do my job with a smile. Pride is just a poison if you use it the wrong way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
auscent Posted July 12, 2018 Report Share Posted July 12, 2018 Interacting with young ones seems to frustrate u. Maybe. But when we were young how did we treat our elders? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heliumduck Posted July 12, 2018 Report Share Posted July 12, 2018 “If you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else.” Booker T. Washington Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
upshot Posted July 12, 2018 Report Share Posted July 12, 2018 (edited) Self Pity is Self Destruction where you are your own worst enemy. If you don't start to help yourself and come to term that only you have the power to make a change, no amount of help or wise words anyone here can give you will start to solve your issues and make a change to your life. Do people really care if you don't ? No. That is the hard fact of life. Your Life. It's all in your own hands all this time to do what you will with it. Edited July 12, 2018 by upshot Kkklaus and Red_martian 2 ** Comments are my opinions, same as yours. It's not a 'Be-All-and-End-All' view. Intent's to thought-provoke, validate, reiterate and yes, even correct. Opinion to consider but agree to disagree. I don't enjoy conflicted exchanges, empty bravado or egoistical chest pounding. It's never personal, tribalistic or with malice. Frank by nature, means, I never bend the truth. Views are to broaden understanding - Updated: Nov 2021. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
doncoin Posted July 12, 2018 Report Share Posted July 12, 2018 Love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ProMouth Posted July 12, 2018 Report Share Posted July 12, 2018 On 7/11/2018 at 6:55 PM, Guest Am I a failure? said: I will be reaching a new milestone for my age soon and felt so insignificant that other younger people are much capable and earning more. The worst is I have to face them almost everyday and putting on a smiling face is so tiring. Life might be more than just about money but sometimes I feel that my pride has shattered and pretending to be happy I really hate it. How can I get rid of such poisonous thoughts? Thanks for bringing up a very real phenomenal that happen to a lot of us in different milestone..be it 30s, 40s or 50s. I think the answer may not be as simple as what we do to get of this "trap of thoughts" . At every stage of life, they will be people earning more than us, more successful than us and even less successful than us. I do not condone comparing with people sadder than us to make us feel better. But the fact is life is such and we do have a choice to explore options. I totally understand the thought of having younger people around in our organisation that earn more than us, higher position than us..especially with the new economy that we are in...we will see younger and younger bosses. It is not exactly easy to swallow but that is life..there are only so many CEOs,VPs in every organisation..and not everyone of us are CEO material or willing to put in the effort to be CEO. Lets look at potential options to feel better..to find a space to stand a) upgrade ourselves academically..socially..skill wise and so on. Lets ask ourself..do we want to move on? or do we just want the world to move by and we do nothing... b) can we while doing (a) above , find a group of fren or from our existing group of frens that can support one another. Sometimes we need to find out other identities rather than just "an employee" we potentially can have other role like "volunteer" to serve the less fortunate..to contribute back to our society with time n effort. Can we take on a role in religious organisation? It does not really matter what religion or interest group. c) If we have never been active..can we take up some light exercise just to start doing something? Plenty of free activity to do https://www.healthhub.sg/programmes/33/sundays-at-the-park d) very important : work out good finance plan...we can save here and there but once in a while buy yourself a good meal..buy a shirt that you like to feel good. What you are feeling right now is not unique..I am sure all the generations before us felt it too. Question is...what are we going to do to move on. I am especially touched by a youtube clip i watched recently..a guy interviewed his own mom who is a Vietnamese immigrant in US. Some of the things she said about hardship touched my heart and i hope it touch yours too. Remember, everyone is fighting some battles deep inside. So be kind to one another, BUT most importantly..be kind to yourself Much blessings for you. Dan25 and mate69 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
firefight Posted July 12, 2018 Report Share Posted July 12, 2018 The trick is either to be content with your current self and live happily and unknowingly ever after, or find a calling that you can use as an ultimate goal in life - something that can push you on for ever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Lifty Posted July 12, 2018 Report Share Posted July 12, 2018 3 hours ago, heliumduck said: “If you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else.” Booker T. Washington Oh please!! there is no lack of crony in Singapore to lift people up already. I rather lift my ownself than to lifty another elite. Phui! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Worried Posted July 12, 2018 Report Share Posted July 12, 2018 On 7/11/2018 at 6:55 PM, Guest Am I a failure? said: I will be reaching a new milestone for my age soon and felt so insignificant that other younger people are much capable and earning more. The worst is I have to face them almost everyday and putting on a smiling face is so tiring. Life might be more than just about money but sometimes I feel that my pride has shattered and pretending to be happy I really hate it. How can I get rid of such poisonous thoughts? In a fallen world, everyone is a failure, including those who pretended not to be. If no one is a failure, I will be worried. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heliumduck Posted July 13, 2018 Report Share Posted July 13, 2018 On 6/25/2018 at 11:34 PM, heliumduck said: send you 2 books Daring greatly by Brene Brown https://www.bookdepository.com/search?searchTerm=daring greatly&search=Find+book https://www.amazon.com/Daring-Greatly-Courage-Vulnerable-Transforms-ebook/dp/B007P7HRS4/ref=sr_1_1 the courage to be disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga https://www.bookdepository.com/search?searchTerm=courage+to+be+disliked&search=Find+book https://www.amazon.com/Courage-Be-Disliked-yourself-happiness-ebook/dp/B074TWG8V7/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1529940845&sr=8-1&keywords=courage+to+be+disliked repost from another thread, an answer a provided before ProMouth 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mate69 Posted July 13, 2018 Report Share Posted July 13, 2018 In life, there will always be comparisons but I know I have chosen my own path in life (including outside of Sg) and I will do what I think is right for me, and will not care for what others may think. It's my life. No one else's. I do it my way. You will find your own path in life, even if that path takes you away from Singapore. wilfgene 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wilfgene Posted July 13, 2018 Report Share Posted July 13, 2018 8 hours ago, mate69 said: In life, there will always be comparisons but I know I have chosen my own path in life (including outside of Sg) and I will do what I think is right for me, and will not care for what others may think. It's my life. No one else's. I do it my way. You will find your own path in life, even if that path takes you away from Singapore. It is the process of finding our own paths that is under our feet, even before the first step. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Not so good Posted July 14, 2018 Report Share Posted July 14, 2018 On 7/11/2018 at 6:55 PM, Guest Am I a failure? said: I will be reaching a new milestone for my age soon and felt so insignificant that other younger people are much capable and earning more. The worst is I have to face them almost everyday and putting on a smiling face is so tiring. Life might be more than just about money but sometimes I feel that my pride has shattered and pretending to be happy I really hate it. How can I get rid of such poisonous thoughts? what is your age? for me, I reaching 40 soon, and I am starting to feel imbalanced too...but not in my job, but in my personal life. You see all the straight people around you having their own families, but you are all alone. not sure, if you would be going through that in future if you are not at 40 years old yet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Guest Posted January 20, 2020 Report Share Posted January 20, 2020 On 7/11/2018 at 6:55 PM, Guest Am I a failure? said: I will be reaching a new milestone for my age soon and felt so insignificant that other younger people are much capable and earning more. The worst is I have to face them almost everyday and putting on a smiling face is so tiring. Life might be more than just about money but sometimes I feel that my pride has shattered and pretending to be happy I really hate it. How can I get rid of such poisonous thoughts? You don't have to feel like a wasted space You're original, cannot be replaced If you only knew what the future holds After a hurricane comes a rainbow Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Fatty Posted January 20, 2020 Report Share Posted January 20, 2020 Join the edmw forum and you will find lots of like minded people. It’s a cesspool over there Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve5380 Posted January 21, 2020 Report Share Posted January 21, 2020 (edited) On 7/11/2018 at 5:55 AM, Guest Am I a failure? said: I will be reaching a new milestone for my age soon and felt so insignificant that other younger people are much capable and earning more. The worst is I have to face them almost everyday and putting on a smiling face is so tiring. Life might be more than just about money but sometimes I feel that my pride has shattered and pretending to be happy I really hate it. How can I get rid of such poisonous thoughts? Maybe you "Guest Am I a failure" feel better now after 1 1/2 years. Let's hope so. But regardless, I have a solution. It may not work for everyone, it may need some tragedy in life. Around the time of your initial post, my bf passed away and this has been the biggest tragedy in my life. I confronted the reality of life, the fragility of it and how little importance we have. This was the realization that we all are insignificant, that we all will pass away and be forgotten in time like we had never existed. There are no exceptions. Our life is not a gift, even having some enjoyable moments in it. There is no "caring" in nature and if we exist or not does not make any difference to the universe. And here is the positive: I started seeing everyone as a fellow victim of circumstances (the circumstance of a sperm coming in contact with an egg?) and become a living being uninvited, not consulted, not consented to become alive. In contrast to this absolute reality, everything else, any difference between us is insignificant. And so is my person in comparison to others. Younger people, smarter, more successful, in positions of power, wealthy... you name it. Where is now the most powerful, blessed individual who lived two hundred years ago? He is no more, all his attributes went up in smoke the moment he died. he did not "take anything with him". But there is still a primary attachment to life and the desire for happiness. This is achievable by covering our necessities, including necessities for enjoyment. A person who is in the workforce healthy enough to function and besides do something enjoyable has his necessities covered. What more is needed? Being in the blessed situation of having all needs covered, why not feel satisfaction that fellow individuals are very capable and earn much. That they have a beautiful wife and children and great family life? That they win the lottery. That get promoted to managers, CEOs? How can this touch us if we... we have our necessities covered? Every human we are insignificant except for ourselves and a few people around us. So the selfish goal is to be significant FOR US. The right mental attitude of being satisfied, free of envy for others, raises our significance, perhaps to levels far superior to that of people who battle it out there trying to be superior to everyone else. We achieve peace, calm, and live free of poisonous thoughts and feelings. And once we have reached this ideal mental health, we don't need to stay passive. We can dedicate our efforts to self improvement and accept higher positions in society, confident that we won't be tempted and seduced by more power and money. We will be mortals like others, but we will be smart to make the best out of our life. . Edited January 21, 2020 by Steve5380 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chubbiz Posted January 21, 2020 Report Share Posted January 21, 2020 8 hours ago, Steve5380 said: Maybe you "Guest Am I a failure" feel better now after 1 1/2 years. Let's hope so. But regardless, I have a solution. It may not work for everyone, it may need some tragedy in life. Around the time of your initial post, my bf passed away and this has been the biggest tragedy in my life. I confronted the reality of life, the fragility of it and how little importance we have. This was the realization that we all are insignificant, that we all will pass away and be forgotten in time like we had never existed. There are no exceptions. Our life is not a gift, even having some enjoyable moments in it. There is no "caring" in nature and if we exist or not does not make any difference to the universe. And here is the positive: I started seeing everyone as a fellow victim of circumstances (the circumstance of a sperm coming in contact with an egg?) and become a living being uninvited, not consulted, not consented to become alive. In contrast to this absolute reality, everything else, any difference between us is insignificant. And so is my person in comparison to others. Younger people, smarter, more successful, in positions of power, wealthy... you name it. Where is now the most powerful, blessed individual who lived two hundred years ago? He is no more, all his attributes went up in smoke the moment he died. he did not "take anything with him". But there is still a primary attachment to life and the desire for happiness. This is achievable by covering our necessities, including necessities for enjoyment. A person who is in the workforce healthy enough to function and besides do something enjoyable has his necessities covered. What more is needed? Being in the blessed situation of having all needs covered, why not feel satisfaction that fellow individuals are very capable and earn much. That they have a beautiful wife and children and great family life? That they win the lottery. That get promoted to managers, CEOs? How can this touch us if we... we have our necessities covered? Every human we are insignificant except for ourselves and a few people around us. So the selfish goal is to be significant FOR US. The right mental attitude of being satisfied, free of envy for others, raises our significance, perhaps to levels far superior to that of people who battle it out there trying to be superior to everyone else. We achieve peace, calm, and live free of poisonous thoughts and feelings. And once we have reached this ideal mental health, we don't need to stay passive. We can dedicate our efforts to self improvement and accept higher positions in society, confident that we won't be tempted and seduced by more power and money. We will be mortals like others, but we will be smart to make the best out of our life. . well written. Me currently having mid life crisis. At age of 44 feeling lost and just being jobless. Lucky for me no commitment. But it is bothering me so much so that I cant even sleep properly. Anyway... each got his own destiny to fulfill...no point compare. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fab Posted January 21, 2020 Report Share Posted January 21, 2020 12 minutes ago, chubbiz said: well written. Me currently having mid life crisis. At age of 44 feeling lost and just being jobless. Lucky for me no commitment. But it is bothering me so much so that I cant even sleep properly. Anyway... each got his own destiny to fulfill...no point compare. Just do something or anything, cashier or waiter, to pass time or earn some cash. 鍾意就好,理佢男定女 never argue with the guests. let them bark all they want. 结缘不结怨 解怨不解缘 After I have said what I wanna say, I don't care what you say. 看穿不说穿 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Feeling very light now Posted January 21, 2020 Report Share Posted January 21, 2020 9 hours ago, Steve5380 said: And here is the positive: I started seeing everyone as a fellow victim of circumstances (the circumstance of a sperm coming in contact with an egg?) and become a living being uninvited, not consulted, not consented to become alive. In contrast to this absolute reality, everything else, any difference between us is insignificant. And so is my person in comparison to others. Younger people, smarter, more successful, in positions of power, wealthy... you name it. Where is now the most powerful, blessed individual who lived two hundred years ago? He is no more, all his attributes went up in smoke the moment he died. he did not "take anything with him". why not feel satisfaction that fellow individuals are very capable and earn much. That they have a beautiful wife and children and great family life? That they win the lottery. That get promoted to managers, CEOs? How can this touch us if we... we have our necessities covered? The right mental attitude of being satisfied, free of envy for others, raises our significance, perhaps to levels far superior to that of people who battle it out there trying to be superior to everyone else. We achieve peace, calm, and live free of poisonous thoughts and feelings. WOW!!! You hit all the right notes for me. I am beginning to like Donald Trump and have forgiven him for - EVERYTHING he has done to America. Thanks for your enlightenment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve5380 Posted January 21, 2020 Report Share Posted January 21, 2020 3 hours ago, Guest Feeling very light now said: WOW!!! You hit all the right notes for me. I am beginning to like Donald Trump and have forgiven him for - EVERYTHING he has done to America. Thanks for your enlightenment. I also have lost any hate for Donald Trump, and any hate for the homophobia in society. Now I see them as evils of our time, like global warming, like natural disasters. After all... there may be no difference between natural evils and human evils... maybe we the living are simply details of nature. This however does not mean that I approve of them. I will keep doing what I can against Donald Trump and against homophobia. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chubbiz Posted January 21, 2020 Report Share Posted January 21, 2020 6 hours ago, fab said: Just do something or anything, cashier or waiter, to pass time or earn some cash. Thanks for the advise Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Try and see Posted January 22, 2020 Report Share Posted January 22, 2020 When Paul Rudd acted in Avengers Endgame, he was 50 (can google to check if you don't believe me ). Imagine how he might have felt being cast with the other younger, hotter guys. But I believe he didn't let that bother him. Wherever you find yourself in life, whether your country's leader is Donald Trump, Lee Hsien Loong, or Mahathir , always give it your best. Paul Rudd, who plays Ant-Man in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, on the red carpet of 'Avengers: Endgame' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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