Feeling insignificant and sad

[Guest Am I a failure?]

I will be reaching a new milestone for my age soon and felt so insignificant that other younger people are much capable and earning more. The worst is I have to face them almost everyday and putting on a smiling face is so tiring. Life might be more than just about money but sometimes I feel that my pride has shattered and pretending to be happy I really hate it. How can I get rid of such poisonous thoughts?

[beargeek]

Not gonna lie here, I have gone through a similar rough patch. Seeing a professional helps honestly! Sometimes, externalising it rather than bottling it up allows you to heal and grow!

[Ironrod]

15 minutes ago, Guest Am I a failure? said:

I will be reaching a new milestone for my age soon and felt so insignificant that other younger people are much capable and earning more. The worst is I have to face them almost everyday and putting on a smiling face is so tiring. Life might be more than just about money but sometimes I feel that my pride has shattered and pretending to be happy I really hate it. How can I get rid of such poisonous thoughts?

 

Your attachment to "SELF" is very strong.

 

Your thought arise due to "comparing" and as long as u keep comparing yourself with others. You will always have a problem.

 

How to get rid of it? Reduce your jealously, enhance your self-esteem, be contented for being yourself.

 

[Guest Guest]

35 minutes ago, Guest Am I a failure? said:

I will be reaching a new milestone for my age soon and felt so insignificant that other younger people are much capable and earning more. The worst is I have to face them almost everyday and putting on a smiling face is so tiring. Life might be more than just about money but sometimes I feel that my pride has shattered and pretending to be happy I really hate it. How can I get rid of such poisonous thoughts?

Poor thing..go sulk and cry.

[bigdanbeam]

Stop comparing yourself with others

[JaO]

28 minutes ago, Guest Guest said:

Poor thing..go sulk and cry.

wa dont act like some fucker eh, people come here seek some help and advice you come here show no empathy disgusting la dey grow up hor.  also, why do you need to feel  insignificant for? you have traits others don't as well, so why feel like they are better? for everytime you think shitty about yourself and how great others are, yo uthink of a good point you have and focus on that and then think on how to expand your good points and branch out from there

[JaO]

1 minute ago, JaO said:

wa dont act like some fucker eh, people come here seek some help and advice you come here show no empathy disgusting la dey grow up hor.  also, why do you need to feel  insignificant for? you have traits others don't as well, so why feel like they are better? for everytime you think shitty about yourself and how great others are, yo uthink of a good point you have and focus on that and then think on how to expand your good points and branch out from there

latter part is for the main thread

[AskMeNot]

Stop comparing yourself with others and you will feel better.

[auscent]

Hmm..u gotta do something that makes u different fr youngsters. Someth positive n empowering. Uve gotta find n create that niche urself.

[lonelyglobe]

17 hours ago, Guest Am I a failure? said:

I will be reaching a new milestone for my age soon and felt so insignificant that other younger people are much capable and earning more. The worst is I have to face them almost everyday and putting on a smiling face is so tiring. Life might be more than just about money but sometimes I feel that my pride has shattered and pretending to be happy I really hate it. How can I get rid of such poisonous thoughts?

what is the new milestone age? 30, 40, 50 or 60? If 60 still want to compare that is quite sad, 30 should not be a problem, so I guess should be 40 to 50. This is where the mid life crisis kick in, so need to really handle it well. Everyone is unique so there is no need to compare, u can't go back to the 20s so why compare? If u want to compare, why don't compare with those from the third world countries who are less fortunate than u, perhaps that will make u feel better and realised how fortunate u r. Problems with singaporeans and perhaps other nationality are they never satisfy with wat they already had but want to go for wat they don't have or can't possibly achieve. Life is short, so why not do something that makes u happy instead of making comparison and make yourself miserable.

[Guest Indian]

2 hours ago, JaO said:

wa dont act like some fucker eh, people come here seek some help and advice you come here show no empathy disgusting la dey grow up hor.  also, why do you need to feel  insignificant for? you have traits others don't as well, so why feel like they are better? for everytime you think shitty about yourself and how great others are, yo uthink of a good point you have and focus on that and then think on how to expand your good points and branch out from there

Haha.."disgusting la dey"..didn't know Chinese Singaporean oso uses Indian slang like "dei/dey"...I tot only Malaysians uses the word "dei/dey"..

Cute...

[Guest Michael]

14 hours ago, Guest Am I a failure? said:

I will be reaching a new milestone for my age soon and felt so insignificant that other younger people are much capable and earning more. The worst is I have to face them almost everyday and putting on a smiling face is so tiring. Life might be more than just about money but sometimes I feel that my pride has shattered and pretending to be happy I really hate it. How can I get rid of such poisonous thoughts?

First you must define what is your definition of "insignificant" .  If you cant, then define what is consider "significant".   

A lot of people complained of not achieving their goals w/o knowing what is their goal .... 

[repressednerd]

19 hours ago, Guest Am I a failure? said:

I will be reaching a new milestone for my age soon and felt so insignificant that other younger people are much capable and earning more. The worst is I have to face them almost everyday and putting on a smiling face is so tiring. Life might be more than just about money but sometimes I feel that my pride has shattered and pretending to be happy I really hate it. How can I get rid of such poisonous thoughts?

 

I have to interact with people half my age when I do volunteer work. Yet even if I get treated like shit, I still do my job with a smile.

 

Pride is just a poison if you use it the wrong way.

[auscent]

Interacting with young ones seems to frustrate u. Maybe. But when we were young how did we treat our elders?

[heliumduck]

“If you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else.”

Booker T. Washington

[upshot]

Self Pity is Self Destruction where you are your own worst enemy. If you don't start to help yourself and come to term that only you have the power to make a change, no amount of help or wise words anyone here can give you will start to solve your issues and make a change to your life. Do people really care if you don't ?  No. That is the hard fact of life. Your Life. It's all in your own hands all this time to do what you will with it.

Edited July 12, 2018 by upshot

[doncoin]

 

[ProMouth]

On 7/11/2018 at 6:55 PM, Guest Am I a failure? said:

I will be reaching a new milestone for my age soon and felt so insignificant that other younger people are much capable and earning more. The worst is I have to face them almost everyday and putting on a smiling face is so tiring. Life might be more than just about money but sometimes I feel that my pride has shattered and pretending to be happy I really hate it. How can I get rid of such poisonous thoughts?

Thanks for bringing up a very real phenomenal that happen to a lot of us in different milestone..be it 30s, 40s or 50s. I think the answer may not be as simple as what we do to get of this "trap of thoughts" . At every stage of life, they will be people earning more than us, more successful than us and even less successful than us. I do not condone comparing with people sadder than us to make us feel better. But the fact is life is such and we do have a choice to explore options.

 

I totally understand the thought of having younger people around in our organisation that earn more than us, higher position than us..especially with the new economy that we are in...we will see younger and younger bosses. It is not exactly easy to swallow but that is life..there are only so many CEOs,VPs in every organisation..and not everyone of us are CEO material or willing to put in the effort to be CEO.

 

Lets look at potential options to feel better..to find a space to stand

 

a) upgrade ourselves academically..socially..skill wise and so on. Lets ask ourself..do we want to move on? or do we just want the world to move by and we do nothing...

b) can we while doing (a) above , find a group of fren or from our existing group of frens that can support one another. Sometimes we need to find out other identities rather than just "an employee" we potentially can have other role like "volunteer" to serve the less fortunate..to contribute back to our society with time n effort. Can we take on a role in religious organisation? It does not really matter what religion or interest group.

 

c) If we have never been active..can we take up some light exercise just to start doing something? Plenty of free activity to do https://www.healthhub.sg/programmes/33/sundays-at-the-park

 

d) very important : work out good finance plan...we can save here and there but once in a while buy yourself a good meal..buy a shirt that you like to feel good.

 

What you are feeling right now is not unique..I am sure all the generations before us felt it too. Question is...what are we going to do to move on. I am especially touched by a youtube clip i watched recently..a guy interviewed his own mom who is a Vietnamese immigrant in US. Some of the things she said about hardship touched my heart and i hope it touch yours too. 

 

Remember, everyone is fighting some battles deep inside. So be kind to one another, BUT most importantly..be kind to yourself

 

Much blessings for you.

 

[firefight]

The trick is either to be content with your current self and live happily and unknowingly ever after, or find a calling that you can use as an ultimate goal in life - something that can push you on for ever.

[Guest Lifty]

3 hours ago, heliumduck said:

“If you want to lift yourself up, lift up someone else.”

Booker T. Washington

Oh please!! there is no lack of crony in Singapore to lift people up already.   I rather lift my ownself than to lifty another elite. Phui!

[Guest Worried]

On 7/11/2018 at 6:55 PM, Guest Am I a failure? said:

I will be reaching a new milestone for my age soon and felt so insignificant that other younger people are much capable and earning more. The worst is I have to face them almost everyday and putting on a smiling face is so tiring. Life might be more than just about money but sometimes I feel that my pride has shattered and pretending to be happy I really hate it. How can I get rid of such poisonous thoughts?

In a fallen world, everyone is a failure, including those who pretended not to be.  If no one is a failure, I will be worried.

[heliumduck]

On 6/25/2018 at 11:34 PM, heliumduck said:

send you 2 books

 

Daring greatly by Brene Brown

https://www.bookdepository.com/search?searchTerm=daring greatly&search=Find+book

https://www.amazon.com/Daring-Greatly-Courage-Vulnerable-Transforms-ebook/dp/B007P7HRS4/ref=sr_1_1

 

the courage to be disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga

https://www.bookdepository.com/search?searchTerm=courage+to+be+disliked&search=Find+book

https://www.amazon.com/Courage-Be-Disliked-yourself-happiness-ebook/dp/B074TWG8V7/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1529940845&sr=8-1&keywords=courage+to+be+disliked

 

 

repost from another thread, an answer a provided before

[mate69]

In life, there will always be comparisons but I know I have chosen my own path in life (including outside of Sg)

and I will do what I think is right for me, and will not care for what others may think.

It's my life. No one else's.

I do it my way.

You will find your own path in life, even if that path takes you away from Singapore.

 

[wilfgene]

8 hours ago, mate69 said:

In life, there will always be comparisons but I know I have chosen my own path in life (including outside of Sg)

and I will do what I think is right for me, and will not care for what others may think.

It's my life. No one else's.

I do it my way.

You will find your own path in life, even if that path takes you away from Singapore.

 

It is the process of finding our own paths that is under our feet, even before the first step.

[Guest Not so good]

On ‎7‎/‎11‎/‎2018 at 6:55 PM, Guest Am I a failure? said:

I will be reaching a new milestone for my age soon and felt so insignificant that other younger people are much capable and earning more. The worst is I have to face them almost everyday and putting on a smiling face is so tiring. Life might be more than just about money but sometimes I feel that my pride has shattered and pretending to be happy I really hate it. How can I get rid of such poisonous thoughts?

what is your age? for me, I reaching 40 soon, and I am starting to feel imbalanced too...but not in my job, but in my personal life. You see all the straight people around you having their own families, but you are all alone. not sure, if you would be going through that in future if you are not at 40 years old yet.

[Guest Guest]

On 7/11/2018 at 6:55 PM, Guest Am I a failure? said:

I will be reaching a new milestone for my age soon and felt so insignificant that other younger people are much capable and earning more. The worst is I have to face them almost everyday and putting on a smiling face is so tiring. Life might be more than just about money but sometimes I feel that my pride has shattered and pretending to be happy I really hate it. How can I get rid of such poisonous thoughts?

 

You don't have to feel like a wasted space
You're original, cannot be replaced
If you only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow

[Guest Fatty]

Join the edmw forum and you will find lots of like minded people. It’s a cesspool over there 

[Steve5380]

On 7/11/2018 at 5:55 AM, Guest Am I a failure? said:

I will be reaching a new milestone for my age soon and felt so insignificant that other younger people are much capable and earning more. The worst is I have to face them almost everyday and putting on a smiling face is so tiring. Life might be more than just about money but sometimes I feel that my pride has shattered and pretending to be happy I really hate it. How can I get rid of such poisonous thoughts?

 

Maybe you "Guest Am I a failure" feel better now after 1 1/2 years.  Let's hope so. But regardless, I have a solution.   

 

It may not work for everyone, it may need some tragedy in life.

Around the time of your initial post, my bf passed away and this has been the biggest tragedy in my life.  I confronted the reality of life, the fragility of it and how little importance we have.  This was the realization that we all are insignificant, that we all will pass away and be forgotten in time like we had never existed. There are no exceptions.  Our life is not a gift, even having some enjoyable moments in it.  There is no "caring" in nature and if we exist or not does not make any difference to the universe. 

 

And here is the positive:  I started seeing everyone as a fellow victim of circumstances (the circumstance of a sperm coming in contact with an egg?) and become a living being uninvited, not consulted, not consented to become alive.  In contrast to this absolute reality, everything else, any difference between us is insignificant.

 

And so is my person in comparison to others. Younger people, smarter, more successful, in positions of power, wealthy...  you name it.    Where is now the most powerful, blessed individual who lived two hundred years ago?  He is no more, all his attributes went up in smoke the moment he died.  he did not "take anything with him".

 

But there is still a primary attachment to life and the desire for happiness.  This is achievable by covering our necessities, including necessities for enjoyment. 

A person who is in the workforce healthy enough to function and besides do something enjoyable has his necessities covered.  What more is needed?  Being in the blessed situation of having all needs covered, why not feel satisfaction that fellow individuals are very capable and earn much.  That they have a beautiful wife and children and great family life?  That they win the lottery. That get promoted to managers, CEOs?  How can this touch us if we... we have our necessities covered?

 

Every human we are insignificant except for ourselves and a few people around us.  So the selfish goal is to be significant FOR US.  The right mental attitude of being satisfied, free of envy for others, raises our significance,  perhaps to levels far superior to that of people who battle it out there trying to be superior to everyone else. We achieve peace, calm, and live free of poisonous thoughts and feelings.

 

And once we have reached this ideal mental health, we don't need to stay passive.  We can dedicate our efforts to self improvement and accept higher positions in society,  confident that we won't be tempted and seduced by more power and money.  We will be mortals like others, but we will be smart to make the best out of our life.

.

 

 

Edited January 21, 2020 by Steve5380

[chubbiz]

8 hours ago, Steve5380 said:

 

Maybe you "Guest Am I a failure" feel better now after 1 1/2 years.  Let's hope so. But regardless, I have a solution.   

 

It may not work for everyone, it may need some tragedy in life.

Around the time of your initial post, my bf passed away and this has been the biggest tragedy in my life.  I confronted the reality of life, the fragility of it and how little importance we have.  This was the realization that we all are insignificant, that we all will pass away and be forgotten in time like we had never existed. There are no exceptions.  Our life is not a gift, even having some enjoyable moments in it.  There is no "caring" in nature and if we exist or not does not make any difference to the universe. 

 

And here is the positive:  I started seeing everyone as a fellow victim of circumstances (the circumstance of a sperm coming in contact with an egg?) and become a living being uninvited, not consulted, not consented to become alive.  In contrast to this absolute reality, everything else, any difference between us is insignificant.

 

And so is my person in comparison to others. Younger people, smarter, more successful, in positions of power, wealthy...  you name it.    Where is now the most powerful, blessed individual who lived two hundred years ago?  He is no more, all his attributes went up in smoke the moment he died.  he did not "take anything with him".

 

But there is still a primary attachment to life and the desire for happiness.  This is achievable by covering our necessities, including necessities for enjoyment. 

A person who is in the workforce healthy enough to function and besides do something enjoyable has his necessities covered.  What more is needed?  Being in the blessed situation of having all needs covered, why not feel satisfaction that fellow individuals are very capable and earn much.  That they have a beautiful wife and children and great family life?  That they win the lottery. That get promoted to managers, CEOs?  How can this touch us if we... we have our necessities covered?

 

Every human we are insignificant except for ourselves and a few people around us.  So the selfish goal is to be significant FOR US.  The right mental attitude of being satisfied, free of envy for others, raises our significance,  perhaps to levels far superior to that of people who battle it out there trying to be superior to everyone else. We achieve peace, calm, and live free of poisonous thoughts and feelings.

 

And once we have reached this ideal mental health, we don't need to stay passive.  We can dedicate our efforts to self improvement and accept higher positions in society,  confident that we won't be tempted and seduced by more power and money.  We will be mortals like others, but we will be smart to make the best out of our life.

.

 

 

well written. Me currently having mid life crisis. At age of 44 feeling lost and just being jobless. Lucky for me no commitment. But it is bothering me so much so that I cant even sleep properly.

 

Anyway... each got his own destiny to fulfill...no point compare.

[fab]

12 minutes ago, chubbiz said:

well written. Me currently having mid life crisis. At age of 44 feeling lost and just being jobless. Lucky for me no commitment. But it is bothering me so much so that I cant even sleep properly.

 

Anyway... each got his own destiny to fulfill...no point compare.

 

Just do something or anything, cashier or waiter, to pass time or earn some cash.

 

 

[Guest Feeling very light now]

9 hours ago, Steve5380 said:

 

 

 

And here is the positive:  I started seeing everyone as a fellow victim of circumstances (the circumstance of a sperm coming in contact with an egg?) and become a living being uninvited, not consulted, not consented to become alive.  In contrast to this absolute reality, everything else, any difference between us is insignificant.

 

And so is my person in comparison to others. Younger people, smarter, more successful, in positions of power, wealthy...  you name it.    Where is now the most powerful, blessed individual who lived two hundred years ago?  He is no more, all his attributes went up in smoke the moment he died.  he did not "take anything with him".

 

why not feel satisfaction that fellow individuals are very capable and earn much.  That they have a beautiful wife and children and great family life?  That they win the lottery. That get promoted to managers, CEOs?  How can this touch us if we... we have our necessities covered?

 

The right mental attitude of being satisfied, free of envy for others, raises our significance,  perhaps to levels far superior to that of people who battle it out there trying to be superior to everyone else. We achieve peace, calm, and live free of poisonous thoughts and feelings.

 

 

 

 

WOW!!!   You hit all the right notes for me.  I am beginning to like Donald Trump and have forgiven him for - EVERYTHING he has done to America. Thanks for your enlightenment.  

[Steve5380]

3 hours ago, Guest Feeling very light now said:

 

WOW!!!   You hit all the right notes for me.  I am beginning to like Donald Trump and have forgiven him for - EVERYTHING he has done to America. Thanks for your enlightenment.  

 

I also have lost any hate for Donald Trump, and any hate for the homophobia in society.  Now I  see them as evils of our time,  like global warming, like natural disasters.

After all... there may be no difference between natural evils and human evils...  maybe we the living are simply details of nature.

This however does not mean that I approve of them.  I will keep doing what I can against Donald Trump and against homophobia.

 

[chubbiz]

6 hours ago, fab said:

 

Just do something or anything, cashier or waiter, to pass time or earn some cash.

 

 

Thanks for the advise

[Guest Try and see]

When Paul Rudd acted in Avengers Endgame, he was 50 (can google to check if you don't believe me ). Imagine how he might have felt being cast with the other younger, hotter guys.

 

But I believe he didn't let that bother him.

 

Wherever you find yourself in life, whether your country's leader is Donald Trump, Lee Hsien Loong, or Mahathir  , always give it your best.

 

Paul Rudd, who plays Ant-Man in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, on the red carpet of 'Avengers: Endgame'