I Can'T Enjoy Anal Sex :'(

[sonnabend]

Before I had my first sex, I decided I'm going to be a top because I heard so many people said that being a bot is painful. So, when I engage in my first sex with a versatile guy, I decided to f*** him, but my cock would always slip from his hole after so many attempts, my cock still cannot penetrate to his hole... FYI he had been active in gay sex life for 6 years and well, you can say that he is quite experienced. So I told him how about if we change role, I become bot and he become top and he said okay....this time, although he managed to penetrate into my hole, I seem cannot enjoy it..it's really painful...I thought maybe because it was my first time, so it's normal to feel such pain. But anyway we continue until he cummed.

After that, I contacted some other guy and so far I had been f***** 7 times, but none of those sex had been pleasuring for me. It has always been painful and I even twice told my partner to stop because I couldn't stand the pain anymore. Weirdly, I don't feel any pain after the sex, it was DURING the sex that I feel pain. I had also more than once tried to be top, but my cock would always slip from my partner's hole, just like on my first sex.

I would want to always be active in gay life, but I can't be either top or bot is anal sex a must during every gay sex? is there anyone here who face the same problem like I do? lastly, any advice on how to enjoy anal sex? thanks so much!

[hardened1978]

is anal sex a must during every gay sex?

the question you are asking is exactly the question that was on my mind last night. I have never had an anal sex before and I don't think I'll like it. You can certainly say I should give it a try. I guess I really should. but can stuff like...rubbing bulges, cocks, rimming, fondling, role play, stripping, playing nipples, blowing, jerking, massaging define sex? I know it doesn't really matter as long as you and your partner enjoy but how exactly is sex defined to this community?

[pat2010]

On 5/14/2010 at 2:19 PM, sonnabend said:

I would want to always be active in gay life, but I can't be either top or bot is anal sex a must during every gay sex? is there anyone here who face the same problem like I do? lastly, any advice on how to enjoy anal sex? thanks so much

Of course, if you don't want to miss any possible anal breakthrough, you can try it every once in a while.

Edited December 15, 2020 by pat2010

[pat2010]

On 5/14/2010 at 3:04 PM, hardened1978 said:

the question you are asking is exactly the question that was on my mind last night. I have never had an anal sex before and I don't think I'll like it. You can certainly say I should give it a try. I guess I really should. but can stuff like...rubbing bulges, cocks, rimming, fondling, role play, stripping, playing nipples, blowing, jerking, massaging define sex? I know it doesn't really matter as long as you and your partner enjoy but how exactly is sex defined to this community?

 

Edited December 15, 2020 by pat2010

[hardened1978]

Not only we think alike

I was checking out those posts from closetbtm last night. Everybody is so proud of being fxxked and having fxxked somebody. I felt a little 'isolated' last nite. But I'll be alright.

[pat2010]

On 5/14/2010 at 3:26 PM, hardened1978 said:

I was checking out those posts from closetbtm last night. Everybody is so proud of being fxxked and having fxxked somebody. I felt a little 'isolated' last nite. But I'll be alright.

Sure. There are also some simply not able to enjoy it.

Edited December 15, 2020 by pat2010

[sonnabend]

the question you are asking is exactly the question that was on my mind last night. I have never had an anal sex before and I don't think I'll like it. You can certainly say I should give it a try. I guess I really should. but can stuff like...rubbing bulges, cocks, rimming, fondling, role play, stripping, playing nipples, blowing, jerking, massaging define sex? I know it doesn't really matter as long as you and your partner enjoy but how exactly is sex defined to this community?

yeah, all of my partner don't consider those things you mentioned as 'sex', I personally prefer to just do the things you mentioned (plus cuddling and kissing, you forgot to mention it ). But all gays I've met always want to do anal too...If all gays in the world are anal-sex-oriented like that, I probably should just have sex my hands lol XD

[sonnabend]

Of course, if you don't want to miss any possible anal breakthrough, you can try it every once in a while.

after my last sex, I don't think that I dare to try anal anymore :oops:

I was checking out those posts from closetbtm last night. Everybody is so proud of being fxxked and having fxxked somebody. I felt a little 'isolated' last nite. But I'll be alright.

lol yeah, you don't need to fell 'isolated' any more, coz now you know I'm also like you mah.... maybe there also many gays out there who are like us.

Sure. I understand from some guys that they don't do anal in fear of STD， but there are also some simply not able to enjoy it.

as long as they practice safe sex and use condom, I don't think that they need to fear of STDs.

Edited May 14, 2010 by sonnabend

[virion78]

I'm glad to hear that there are people like me. I tried it twice many years ago and to me, the pain simply outweighs the pleasure, even though I could cum a lot from the prostatic stimulation.

[hardened1978]

yeah, all of my partner don't consider those things you mentioned as 'sex', I personally prefer to just do the things you mentioned (plus cuddling and kissing, you forgot to mention it ). But all gays I've met always want to do anal too...If all gays in the world are anal-sex-oriented like that, I probably should just have sex my hands lol XD

not that I forgot to mention it but I am not so into kissing. I found it awkward to kiss a man. But I need a man for sex, like I've been in the desert for too long and I am dying for water. I have never had the kind of sex I have defined earlier believe it or not. It must have been too early for me to say what I like and dislike about gay sex. At times I am doubtful of the kind of person I am. Deep inside me I know I am a gay for sure. But why is it that I kiss my wife but will not do that to a man, maybe only when I am fxxking horny? and why I love my wife but all I want from a man is sex not love? I found it extremely disturbing reading some of the posts in BW about gay love. I hug my wife for love but I will hug a man only for sex. But I won't do anal for both. I am sure something is wrong somewhere.

All I want to say here is anal sex must have been something really intriguing that it has become the foundation of gay sex and I pay my respects to fellow tops and btms out there.

[hardened1978]

I'm glad to hear that there are people like me. I tried it twice many years ago and to me, the pain simply outweighs the pleasure, even though I could cum a lot from the prostatic stimulation.

:thumb:

[cock brand]

not that I forgot to mention it but I am not so into kissing. I found it awkward to kiss a man. But I need a man for sex, like I've been in the desert for too long and I am dying for water. I have never had the kind of sex I have defined earlier believe it or not. It must have been too early for me to say what I like and dislike about gay sex. At times I am doubtful of the kind of person I am. Deep inside me I know I am a gay for sure. But why is it that I kiss my wife but will not do that to a man, maybe only when I am fxxking horny? and why I love my wife but all I want from a man is sex not love? I found it extremely disturbing reading some of the posts in BW about gay love. I hug my wife for love but I will hug a man only for sex. But I won't do anal for both. I am sure something is wrong somewhere.

There is nothing wrong with you but if you are free, you should read the book "Sexual Behaviour in the Human Male" by Dr Alfred Kinsey.

In the book, you can find his now well known theory - The Kinsey Rating Scale. It is a 7-point rating - 0 for exclusive heterosexual to 6 for exclusive homosexual, you could be nearer to 1 or 2.

[hardened1978]

There is nothing wrong with you but if you are free, you should read the book "Sexual Behaviour in the Human Male" by Dr Alfred Kinsey.

In the book, you can find his now well known theory - The Kinsey Rating Scale. It is a 7-point rating - 0 for exclusive heterosexual to 6 for exclusive homosexual, you could be nearer to 1 or 2.

Here's the Kinsey Rating Scale

Rating Description

0 Exclusively heterosexual

1 Predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual

2 Predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual

3 Equally heterosexual and homosexual (bisexual)

4 Predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual

5 Predominantly homosexual, only incidentally heterosexual

6 Exclusively homosexual

X Asexual

No I am neither 1 nor 2. I think I was 6 or 5 before marriage. and perhaps 5 or 4 now. I wish to do a test but apparently Alfred Kinsey hasn't prepared a test for us. I came across another rating system - The Klein Sexual Orientation Grid (or KSOG). It was introduced by Dr. Fritz Klein (1932-2006) in his book The Bisexual Option. Most importantly, you can actually do a test to know more about your sexual orientation based on the KSOG system.

and I just did the test here: Klein Grid

According to the result, the physical part of me is more gayish than the emotional part of me. I think that pretty much explains the way I am behaving now. Thanks cock brand. Here's the kind of result you'll get.

Definitions helpful in using the Klein scale*:

Past: Your life up to 12 months ago.

Present: The most recent 12 months

Ideal: What do you think you would eventually like?

The Variables:

Sexual Attraction: To whom are you sexually attracted?

Sexual Behavior: With whom have you actually had sex?

Sexual Fantasies: Whom are your sexual fantasies about? (They may occur during masturbation, daydreaming, as part of real life, or purely in your imagination.)

Emotional Preference: Emotions influence, if not define, the actual physical act of love. Do you love and like only members of the same sex, only members of the other sex, or members of both sexes?

Social Preference: Social preference is closely allied with but often different from emotional preference. With members of which sex do you socialize?

Lifestyle Preference: What is the sexual identity of the people with whom you socialize?

Sexual Identity: How do you think of yourself?

[cock brand]

Seems like what you wish to be and what you actually are is really quite wide apart!

Why did you get married when you already know you are more gay than straight - @ Kinsey scale of 5 or 6!!!

[hardened1978]

Seems like what you wish to be and what you actually are is really quite wide apart!

Why did you get married when you already know you are more gay than straight - @ Kinsey scale of 5 or 6!!!

know you gonna ask this. hmm..for many many reasons. 总之是我辜负了她。这辈子不能就下辈子还。

[hardened1978]

糟了。离题了。

[cock brand]

糟了。离题了。

OK, back to topic.

Whether you are slightly gay or thoroughly gay to the bones has nothing to do with the desire to be fxxked in the rear, its just a preference.

Some think its a mainstream thingy but I think it'll be too typecasting.

Everyone like to eat rice but you don't thats all.

[hardened1978]

OK, back to topic.

Whether you are slightly gay or thoroughly gay to the bones has nothing to do with the desire to be fxxked in the rear, its just a preference.

Some think its a mainstream thingy but I think it'll be too typecasting.

Everyone like to eat rice but you don't thats all.

:thumb: I have come to know myself better now. I think I am a G0Y.

Edited May 15, 2010 by hardened1978

[sonnabend]

:thumb: I have come to know myself better now. I think I am a G0Y.

I've tried to google that and I found so many 'answers' to my questions! :thumb:

I guess we're not alone haha XD

this is one good website I found:

http://g0ys.org/initialize.htm

[townguy]

For the true blue gays out there, i dun think it is necessary to take this test as the results will be obvious....

Edited May 15, 2010 by townguy

[hardened1978]

I've tried to google that and I found so many 'answers' to my questions! :thumb:

I guess we're not alone haha XD

this is one good website I found:

http://g0ys.org/initialize.htm

yup. I am aware of that website too. Obviously there are many ways for gays to enjoy sex. I believe all sex should be customized to meet personal needs. Be good to have your partner sharing similar fantasies, be it anal or non-anal. :thumb:

[gaygaysin]

come back to the topic, i suggest u to find a very experienced bottom, means loose ass so u'll be able to top him easily, or find a shorter & thinner cock for urself to start enjoying bottom sex.

[hardened1978]

come back to the topic, i suggest u to find a very experienced bottom, means loose ass so u'll be able to top him easily, or find a shorter & thinner cock for urself to start enjoying bottom sex.

sure will. thanks.

[cock brand]

come back to the topic, i suggest u to find a very experienced bottom, means loose ass so u'll be able to top him easily, or find a shorter & thinner cock for urself to start enjoying bottom sex.

So are you applying for the job for both roles?

[gaygaysin]

if yes do u wanna take a try?

So are you applying for the job for both roles?

[babyblue]

yup. I am aware of that website too. Obviously there are many ways for gays to enjoy sex. I believe all sex should be customized to meet personal needs. Be good to have your partner sharing similar fantasies, be it anal or non-anal. :thumb:

Thank you so much for sharing the website! Now I know that I'm a g0y too! I identify with almost all of the descriptions, and I seriously think that sex is not really a necessity. Bonding is far more important.

[marceljboy]

I would think that your cock is too short to penetrate your partners hole, as you said it always slip from his hole.

lets try another pose that can penetrate easily, it may helps.

[abang]

It is important to read the body signals.

When I topped others, I am mindful not to ram straight in.

I would lay on my back and we lubricate the affected areas generously.

He would then adjust and sits slowly. This way, he is in control of the "pain"

Once fully inseted, allow 10 to 30 seconds for the bottom to get used to this insertion (every cock is same-same but different). Just look out for any discomfort on his face.

Th rest,.. enjoy yourself.

Edited May 16, 2010 by abang

[snowball]

don't force yourself when you are not ready, maybe one day, when your mood is there, when you meet the right person,

believe you will learn to enjoy, i know some people or couples, don't like anal sex at all, so no worry, relax

Edited May 16, 2010 by snowball

[hardened1978]

Thank you so much for sharing the website! Now I know that I'm a g0y too! I identify with almost all of the descriptions, and I seriously think that sex is not really a necessity. Bonding is far more important.

for you bud. http://www.heroichomosex.org/index.html

[hardened1978]

It is important to read the body signals.

When I topped others, I am mindful not to ram straight in.

I would lay on my back and we lubricate the affected areas generously.

He would then adjust and sits slowly. This way, he is in control of the "pain"

Once fully inseted, allow 10 to 30 seconds for the bottom to get used to this insertion (every cock is same-same but different). Just look out for any discomfort on his face.

Th rest,.. enjoy yourself.

U applying for the job too? :whistle:

[hardened1978]

don't force yourself when you are not ready, maybe one day, when your mood is there, when you meet the right person,

believe you will learn to enjoy, i know some people or couples, don't like anal sex at all, so no worry, relax

For everybody's reading pleasure and I got it from here: GoAskAlice

Dear Alice,

I just found your site after reading an article in the May issue of Men's Health. I read many of your previous Q&As, especially those regarding homosexuality.

I am gay and found your answers to be very appropriate and right on the money. Perhaps when you respond to further questions about homosexuality, you could mention this:

All gays do not engage in anal sex. I know many men who prefer not to engage in this sex act. I don't think enjoying anal sex is synonymous with homosexuality. This might comfort some of the straight men who write you and say they enjoy anal stimulation. I believe being gay is about having emotional relationships with men and not necessarily about the type of sex acts one engages in. I also want to make it clear to those young men who are just coming out. I think they feel pressured to engage in anal sex, especially if they view pxxnography. pxxno stars show this to be mandatory for a male-to-male relationship. Quite frankly, it's not necessarily a very pleasurable experience for novices.

— My two cents

Dear My two cents,

Thanks for your confidence in Go Ask Alice! and for helping maintain its accuracy.

Your perspectives on anal sex and sexual orientation are right on target. Anal sex is not a prerequisite for being a gay man. Conversely, being a gay man is not a mandate for enjoying anal sex. Many gay men do not have anal sex. In fact, oral sex and mutual masturbation are more common than anal stimulation among gay men in long-term relationships. And while many people stereotypically view anal stimulation as a homosexual male act, anal sex is a sexual behavior, not tied to a group of people whether they describe themselves as homo-, bi-, or heterosexual. Physical, emotional, social, and sexual attractions, not behaviors, are key factors in a person's understanding of his or her sexual orientation.

People of all sexual orientations fantasize about and/or try anal sex. Some find they like it while others dislike it. Some people use anal stimulation while masturbating or during sexual play (see the Related Q&As listed after this answer for examples). Studies indicate that about 25 percent of heterosexual couples have had anal sex at least once, and 10 percent regularly have anal penetration.

Many people fantasize about anal sex and other taboo sexual acts. This is easily seen through the content of pxxnographic films. Much of the pxxnography available, marketed toward people of any sexual orientation, provides extreme and stylized examples of fantasies. As a result, it's easy to assume that these images are the "right" way to have sex. Anal sex is portrayed as quite normal in pxxn imagery, but, in reality, it occurs much less frequently than other sexual behaviors. Many will find that the fantasy of anal sex is pleasurable, while the reality may not be.

The last point you make is important, as well. Some sexual acts are uncomfortable for beginners. Sexual behaviors are learned; they can take time, trial and error, communication, and practice till they result in pleasure

and I do remember there were times that I was extremely horny and those anal pxxns appealed awesome to me.

Edited May 16, 2010 by hardened1978

[Guest jayy]

Well this is interesting.. I've never tried anal sex either. I've always been more interested in connecting and being intimate with the guy I am interested in. Well I took the Klein test too:

Edited May 16, 2010 by jayy

[hardened1978]

Well this is interesting.. I've never tried anal sex either. I've always been more interested in connecting and being intimate with the guy I am interested in. Well I took the Klein test too:

maybe i should keep a good contact of those of us who are alike.

[babyblue]

Here's mine...

Edited May 17, 2010 by babyblue

[jtsc]

Somehow I know my answer going to be that

[Tachyons]

http://kleingridonline.com/images/badges/pp61_pe50_qp61_qe50_ip50_ie46.png

This is my grid :smokin:

[fatguy]

i'm somewhere in the middle. ^^

anyway....

first time i had anal sex was painful, but i did enjoy it, so to reduce the pain, i invested in sex toys, first it was a vibrator, then a dildo, slowing trying to expand the anal hole. it also helps to find a "smaller" sized guy. sometimes, fingering or using a butt plug just before the real thing will help.

don't forget, lots and lots of lube... if it slips in and out easily, it won't be so pain.

[hardened1978]

http://kleingridonline.com/images/badges/pp61_pe50_qp61_qe50_ip50_ie46.png

This is my grid :smokin:

Tachyons'

:thumb:

Edited May 18, 2010 by hardened1978

[hardened1978]

i'm somewhere in the middle. ^^

anyway....

first time i had anal sex was painful, but i did enjoy it, so to reduce the pain, i invested in sex toys, first it was a vibrator, then a dildo, slowing trying to expand the anal hole. it also helps to find a "smaller" sized guy. sometimes, fingering or using a butt plug just before the real thing will help.

don't forget, lots and lots of lube... if it slips in and out easily, it won't be so pain.

oh fatguy you are straight!

[cock brand]

oh fatguy you are straight!

Not really la, he is more like a bi.

If he is str8, all the stars will merge towards the bottom left corner of the chart whereas for bi, they will merge towards the centre.

After looking at some members's chart, it seems many are actually "reluctant" gays where the blue star and the green and red are quite far apart.

Edited May 18, 2010 by cock brand

[malfsh]

Hi,

I am a married & bi (indian/32/160/90/hairy). Just to share my experience.

Initially I was a straight guy who had sex with female only. But after reading the sex encounters posted by guys, I began to have an urge for guy-to-guy sex. So I decided to embark on it.

So my 1st encounter - I touch his lips with my lips (no kissing)& same time touched our dicks.

2nd encounter - we kissed & jerked (yuks! I felt kissing with guy was wierd)

3rd encounter - the guy sucked me & I jerked for him

4th encounter - met a big-sized guy; sucked for him; he couldn't anal me...he was not experienced...rather selfish & try to push his dick in even without dilating my hole. It was painful & we gave up.

5th encounter - a small-sized guy (with small) dick claimed to have analled me but honestly no feelings...hahaha

6th encouter - I met this guy, a real professional. We turned me on; we kissed; he rimmed my ass; appplied KY; finger me & romanced me & without me realising, he inserted his dick into my hole without ant pain. I enjoyed it very much!

Actually anal sex is not painful & something that can be enjoyed by both guys, if both guys (Top & Btm)play their role well. For example: Initially, I didn't want to kiss him but his words (eg. I luv chubby, hairy & roundish ass guys) & the manner he carrased me (eg. kissing my neck, sucking my tits,licking my balls, sucking my dick & rimming my ass), made me feel like he's my man, so I went all out.

He enjoyed it & ask me meet him often.

Roy (malfsh@hotmail.com)

[thorzguy]

Sorry, i was trying to post my results here, but it seems to me the picture doesn't appear?

I was saying earlier, i should have got to know this website, this forum earlier.. so many of us here, a channel for better communication.

To me, anal sex is not a must, though if done properly, can be enjoyable to both. At the end of the day, as long as both parties enjoy the time together, that's utmost important. Play safe, have fun and don't hurt anyone.

http://www.kleingridonline.com/images/badges/pp67_pe54_qp78_qe63_ip22_ie38.png

Sorry guys once again for my 2x deleted post.

=====================

You need only to use the "insert image" icon to add in ur image link.

Gachi

[greysuperhero]

I like what one of the posts above said - being gay does not mean you need to have anal sex, and having anal sex does not mean you are gay. Personally I do not enjoy anal sex either! I just enjoy the making out and the foreplay LOL.

[suckling_pig]

Oh dear, what has happened to me?

Edited November 5, 2011 by suckling_pig

[keyboard]

suckling_pig -> lolx!

confirmed i'm gay in denial.

for me, i hardly get anal-ed, but if it does feel good, i have a problem of it feeling too good that i cannot stand it and need to ask to stop. does it make sense to anyone?

[whitetiger]

<a href="http://www.kleingridonline.com/" target="_blank"><img src="http://www.kleingridonline.com/images/badges/pp94_pe71_qp94_qe71_ip94_ie71.png" style="border: 0;" alt="" /></a>

This is mine..

10 years of being pure btm allows me to help you a little.

Health Lifestyle and hygenie

1. Must have adequate hydration as your hole will be tighter if you are not drink enough water or having contispation.

2. When washing, it is a good practice to finger yourself... as you know where your fingers are moving and ready to go even deeper

Emotionally prepared

1. If you are having it with your partner, it will be easier as the feeling is emotionally attach to him and is easier to accommodate the pain later

Position & during the act

1. for a start, it is recommendable for btm to sit on the top's dick as btm will be the one controlling the advancment as well as knowing whether you can proceed anot. This is very very impt because once the btm can slowly takes in the dick wholly... after some motion.. you should be able to accommodate and then hand over the control back to top

2. watch your top's eyes and tell him you need more time to accommodate his dick.. so slow thrust. But if you felt his intensity and speed is high is best to bear a while as it is an indication of cumming (mostly). Cos if you stop him, it will take long long time for him to build up that climax again

[MarriedTop]

HI Sonnabend, how are you now?

[SeannyShortcake]

I had a Msian guy for fun at the sauna.

To be honest I haven't been been a btm for months on end.

But since we are both flex,I gave his nice ass such a good pounding and his dick has yet to release,I decided to offer my bubble butt.

Things to remember are:

- Lube up

- Well-trimmed finger nails for fingering

- Sit on top if you're unsure

- Get the top to keep thrusting but not all the way in

- Slow to medium speeds are the best

-Kiss/Suck/Lick (make both parties feel comfortable)

He screwed me so well even up to now I feel wet thinking about it.

[Baloo]

I read with great interest...

My take after reading everyone's posts till now...

Please... just enjoy whatever it is you enjoy. If you want to 'break new grounds' try it, and if at first you don't enjoy it... don't do it lor... but do not be afraid to revisit the area again later, but with 'improved' preparedness... learnt from the past experience...

doing it twice the same wrong way is just stoopid methinks... experiment! get feedback! try it again differently...

if finally conclude you will never like it... ok - you not the only one... be happy with what you enjoy already...

we can take this offline for those wanting to know how to get used to or ready for anal sex... dun worry I'm not fishing here... I just want to share some personal insights with those genuinely wanting the knowledge to try it personally... is this an ad? no... but hell... I'm not gonna blare it all out how it's done... in my way hahaha...