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The Bro Job: Why 'Straight' Men Secretly Have Sex With Each Other Sexuality is one of the few areas where women are afforded more leniency than men. By Carrie Weisman / AlterNet October 10, 2015 At this point, lesbian sex (the porny kind) is practically considered vanilla. But when it comes to two self-identified straight guys getting together, we tend to stiffen up, and not in the fun way. The term “bro job” generally refers to sex acts taking place between heterosexual men. The phenomenon was recently explored by Dr. Jane Ward in her book Not Gay: Sex Between Straight White Men, who suggests it's a lot more common than most people may think. Sex therapist Susan Block agrees. “I hear about it going on in Saudi Arabia, in Latin America – I talk to guys from all over the world who are doing this. In all different cultures.” Block explained to AlterNet that sexual activity between self-identifying straight males is one of the most common topics introduced during her therapy sessions with men. “We’ve shut down on the phenomenon of male sexuality. Now, we’re starting to ease up on that natural fluidity of men. But it's always been there,” she says. “Sometimes you hide it because you don’t want to suffer from society’s punishments.” Of course, identity politics is a messy game. And while arousal makes up just one piece of the very complex puzzle that is sexual orientation, it is a major player. We’re quick to assign the “bisexual” label to those for which sexual arousal is not dictated by gender. But it’s not always a welcome title. “I am often forced to call myself ‘bi,’ but I rarely find labels appropriate,” says model Paul LaBlanc (a pseudonym). As Block explains, sexual orientation goes a lot further than the sexual activities we engage in. “I think to a great degree when people think about their own sexual orientation, they’re thinking about their hopes and dreams for themselves in terms of love and romance. Not just sex.” In her book, Ward insists that sex acts between men are not symptoms of a suppressed gay identity, but rather an example of the fluid nature of human sexuality. Still, some ask, why men? Ward writes, “By understanding their same-sex sexual practice as meaningless, accidental, or even necessary, straight white men can perform homosexual contact in heterosexual ways.” “Meaningless.” A hard word to sneak by a therapist. But this notion of meaninglessness may help explain what makes sex between men appealing. “Women are full of meaning,” says Block “One of the things that men like about other men is how meaningless it is. It’s just for fun.” That’s not to say that men don’t crave intimacy – they do, in its place. But Block suggests that for men looking for free, no-strings-attached sex, a male partner may be their best bet. Removing sex from its prescribed context is often discouraged in heterosexual relationships. If you’re looking to have sex for sport, doing it with another man might make some sense. Professional dominatrix Sandra LaMorgese once told AlterNet, “I’m dominant in every aspect of life but I'm not going to have a submissive partner. I need someone to dominate me. That way I get the balance too.” LaMorgese refers to herself as an “alpha submissive.” It's an experience that many men crave as well. And some will step outside the bounds of gender to achieve it. LaBlanc explains, “I tend strongly towards being dominant with women and submissive with men. Not totally in either direction, it's not that simple... But it is clear that I take on different roles with different genders.” “To me, no man has the soft indescribable beauty of a woman. And no woman can ‘take me’ the way a man can.” There are other reasons self-identified straight men might have sex with each other. Block explained that some men are looking for the BDSM element, which can involve humiliation by means of another penis, a larger penis. There’s the curiosity bit, the desire to be with someone ‘who looks like me.’ There's also mutual masturbation. And then there’s the simple fact that males manifest their sexual excitement in much more obvious ways than women, and that’s something a lot of guys find arousing, even relieving. Of course, condensing the scope of sexual desire isn’t something that can be done in a thousand words or so. The recent wave of interest in this not-so-recent phenomenon says something about the our current sexual climate. We can now admit that "bro jobs" are happening, and happening often. Though where they take place is often indicative of how people expect others to digest the news of these rendezvous. “I hear a lot about secrets,” says Block. The fact that society is starting to have more open discussions about sex is good. The fact that society only wants to discuss certain kinds of sex leaves something to be desired. But if we take a step back we might find that what traditionalists deem “unnatural” sexual behavior (i.e. anything outside the confines of heterosexual marriage) can be fairly intrinsic. However those participating in them want to self-identify is up to them. Block suggests we take a look at our closest "kissing cousins," the Bonobo. In her book, The Bonobo Way: The Evolution of Peace Through Pleasure, Block explains that the apes often engage in what’s known as “penis fencing,” whereby two males will rub their erect penises against each other’s. She told us, “They stop each other from killing each other by rub rub rubbing, until they come come come. And then have a banana together or something," adding, "I think there’s a very positive and certainly very natural aspect to this.”

The Big GAY Secret: Straight Guys Having Fun On The Side When I was in high school I offered a helping “hand” to many of my straight buddies who asked. At the time it was exciting and, let’s face it, who would seriously say no to the request? One glance, one note or one whisper and it was off to the back of the locker room for an extracurricular “Sex Education” course. Now that I’m older it’s easy to blame their curiosity on either puberty or temptation, but in the grand scheme of things, was it really? Let me remind you of something. All the straight men we’ve hooked up with in the past are now adults. Some may identify themselves as gay while others are still fooling around in the back of the wet sauna. Whatever the case may be, it’s hard to deny that they still exist in high numbers – just as they did then. The rules, however, have changed drastically. Fooling around with a “straight” guy in his 30s is a hell of a lot different than doing it in high school. He’s now a man with a job and possibly a family, yet, still feels the need to sneak away for a little R&R. Though it might be all in good fun, I can’t help but wonder if we’re doing more damage than good by feeding the urges they desperately try to suppress in their daily lives. Grindr is now the closeted man’s only vessel towards fulfilling his sexual fantasies, which I’m all for, but has it become a double-edged sword? Sure it might allow him to release the urges he keeps hidden at home, but at the same time it’s like waving a bone in front of a starving dog. Sex becomes a tease, a glimpse into a world he’s too scared to enter. Gay guys across the community keep silent when it comes to speaking about their “married” friend with benefits out of fear of judgment – most of my friends have been in similar situations. There are more straight guys fooling around than you might think, and, trust me, most of their wives are well-aware. I’ve seen it firsthand. Though the secrets and sneaking around create a more exciting experience for us, is it worth it in the end? Look, I love straight guy just as much as the next gay man and I loved every sexcapade I’ve had with them. I can only guess the feelings were mutual. For me, however, the buzz is easily killed as soon as I realize he’s living a lie. But when it comes to fast hookups where little conversation is exchanged, does it really matter? I’ve known plenty of gay guys who’ve fallen in love with their FWB, thinking they were going to leave their wife and runaway with them. More often than not, they’re left in the dust. Marriage vows proved to be stronger than their need to express who they really are. The inner battles of being in the closet are unimaginable and the longer we’re kept in it the more comfortable we get, which is why it’s hard for deeply closeted men to take the leap. But when it comes down to it, are we helping them or hurting them by fulfilling their sexual needs? The answers will always vary depending on who you ask, but in the gay community, if there’s any elephant in the room, this is definitely the biggest one. It’s time we start talking about it. Source: http://www.gayguys.com/2014/03/big-gay-secret-straight-guys-fun-side/

Ok, I don't know where to post this but how do you answer a lifestyle questionnaire? Does it affects my chance of getting covered fully?