Parents getting old

[Guest sad]

never really feel this before but recently been realising that my parents are getting old. really scared that one day they will pass away. or getting old until they become someone that is not they used to be. I know this is part of life. but feel really really sad whenever i think about it. How do you overcome this kind of sadness?

[Pubic01]

I think looking at life in a more lighthearted manner may help one reap more out of the remaining years one has with their love ones. Being too serious really kills the many simple joys life otherwise present. I believe humour exists for good reasons.

[Guest guest]

51 minutes ago, Guest sad said:

never really feel this before but recently been realising that my parents are getting old. really scared that one day they will pass away. or getting old until they become someone that is not they used to be. I know this is part of life. but feel really really sad whenever i think about it. How do you overcome this kind of sadness?

 

send them a one way ticket to their hometown back in China, or one way no return ticket to the vacation of their choice, ask them to spend all their life savings on eating what they like, use up every single cent , then go bungy jumping,

 

 

better than whinning and groaning in pain at home and still deplete the savings and reserves.

[11daze]

Different people deal with this kind of sadness differently. When the time comes, take your time to process it. Just know that there's no fixed timeframe or right method for grieving. 

 

Instead of becoming scared, perhaps you can tell yourself to do your best at taking care of them. It'll get more stressful towards the end, and it can be overwhelming to take care of the old or sick. It's never easy but if you need help, try talking to your siblings and friends. Remember not to assume all responsibilities by yourself because you'll get burned out. 

Edited February 14, 2019 by 11daze

[thorzguy]

The very fact is that all of us are aging, at all time.

Spend quality time with them. Cherish the moments. Take good care of them.

Do not stress over the uncontrollable; but make the best of the controllable.

[fab]

8 types of sufferings

1 Birth, 

2 aging, 

3 illness

4 death 

5 Sorrow, lamentation, pain, grief, and despair are dukkha;

6 Association with the unbeloved is dukkha; separation from the loved is dukkha;

7 Not getting what is wanted is dukkha.

8 the five clinging-aggregates

[zackywacky]

Treat them well. Spend more time with them, talk to them more. Be filial.

[Guest Letto]

2 hours ago, Guest guest said:

 

send them a one way ticket to their hometown back in China, or one way no return ticket to the vacation of their choice, ask them to spend all their life savings on eating what they like, use up every single cent , then go bungy jumping,

 

better than whinning and groaning in pain at home and still deplete the savings and reserves.

 

Your parents must have regretted to bring you to this world.  

[Steve5380]

4 hours ago, Guest sad said:

never really feel this before but recently been realising that my parents are getting old. really scared that one day they will pass away. or getting old until they become someone that is not they used to be. I know this is part of life. but feel really really sad whenever i think about it. How do you overcome this kind of sadness?

 

We are not always able to overcome this sadness.

Grieving may be a flaw in our design.  It does not seem to be anything useful.

We may live for years with our parents, friends, lovers without being too aware of them, taking them for granted, nearly like they are part of the furniture.

But once they pass away, we suddenly realize how much we love them,  and we are devastated by their absence forever.

 

You still have time. They are alive. Show them your love and give them your best care. Adapt to their inevitable change and share the experience with them. One day you will be satisfied that you were the best son they could have and, who knows! , your account of karma may have got a big boost. 

 

[LeanMature]

13 hours ago, Guest sad said:

never really feel this before but recently been realising that my parents are getting old. really scared that one day they will pass away. or getting old until they become someone that is not they used to be. I know this is part of life. but feel really really sad whenever i think about it. How do you overcome this kind of sadness?

 

Do your duty like a good old son.  Your parents might be sad, not you.

[Guest Golden years]

14 hours ago, Guest sad said:

never really feel this before but recently been realising that my parents are getting old. really scared that one day they will pass away. or getting old until they become someone that is not they used to be. I know this is part of life. but feel really really sad whenever i think about it. How do you overcome this kind of sadness?

If you are the only caregiver than the anxiety is understandable. You may have to give up your freedom and other pleasure to prepare to look after the aged at home. No more a pampered child u used to be.

[snowball]

spend more time with them don't keep thinking, action speak more than words, 别遗憾终身。

Edited February 15, 2019 by snowball

[FattChoy]

Everytime my parent say something like "When I'm gone, then you have to etc etc etc", I'll say,  "You don't worry to worry about that, cos I'll die before you".  Not that I have a terminal illness or anything,  but deep down I do feel that way though.   Don't worry,  there are other offsprings. 

[Guest Sad]

Now that I realise that they (parents) are the one that will always want n wish the best for their son and will not harm them. No matter how idiot the son is. No one really care like them (parents). 

 

Just feel the sudden loneliness when the thought of them no longer here in this world. When is gone is gone. Can never make a call anymore to hear their voices. 

[Steve5380]

45 minutes ago, FattChoy said:

Everytime my parent say something like "When I'm gone, then you have to etc etc etc", I'll say,  "You don't worry to worry about that, cos I'll die before you".  Not that I have a terminal illness or anything,  but deep down I do feel that way though.   Don't worry,  there are other offsprings. 

 

Even if you have many siblings, you don't want to wish your parents the pain of losing one of their children, which is not lesser if they have many of them.

The natural way is that children outlive their parents, and so it should be.

[Guest Hot Swimmer]

Parents getting old. Then you should quickly intro your bf to your parents and confess to them. So they can rest in peace and know you won't be left alone in this world.

[mate69]

This is turning out to be a very depressing thread instead of being a constructive one. 

[fab]

the greatest filial pietiness is help your parents to cease samsara and achieve nirvana.

[Guest abc]

25 minutes ago, fab said:

the greatest filial pietiness is help your parents to cease samsara and achieve nirvana.

I dun think this piece of advice is helpful in this context.  

[fab]

18 minutes ago, Guest abc said:

I dun think this piece of advice is helpful in this context.  

 

The truth is hard to accept.

 

 

[Guest Truth]

1 hour ago, fab said:

the greatest filial pietiness is help your parents to cease samsara and achieve nirvana.

Christian won't believe in this.

[Guest bien]

my dad was never a family person. He was a gambler, alcoholic and flirt in his younger days. I left home to live on my own when he kicked my dog in his drunken stupor. I hated him so I rudely treated his friends.

Then he had a stroke and began turning bad in health. my siblings are all married so I took my parents in bcos I do not want my niece and nephew to be affected in family life. 

Surprisingly I found no hatred when caring for him for more than 20 years.  I kept him super clean and smart. cleaning shit and urine was a daily chore. thankfully cooking and feeding all left to my aged mum. someone ever questioned why my dad never die from the numerous falls he had had. that's why I didn't feel any urgency to visit him during his last hospitalization. Nobody knew he was going to die ( not even the doctors) when I was there. waving hello to him while talking to my niece.  It felt as though he held his last breath for me to bid goodbye.guessed he must have appreciated my efforts.

What I do now is to keep myself fit and healthy.  much thanks that my mom is very healthy compares to women her age 

[fab]

Not everyone has affinity to end their suffering yet.

 

Sad.

[Guest Sad]

As a gay person. no more looking forward to celebrate CNY together. will be all alone. I dont know how can I cope with this. thinking alone already so bad.

[auscent]

No one can defy law of nature. When they become so frail n dependent on life support, we may be sad to let them go. But whose interest should come first?

[Steve5380]

10 hours ago, fab said:

the greatest filial pietiness is help your parents to cease samsara and achieve nirvana.

 

What if his parents like the idea of reincarnation but not seriously believe in it?

It may be better if they strive to get out of this life the most they can, and not worry about what may come next.

[Steve5380]

6 hours ago, Guest Sad said:

As a gay person. no more looking forward to celebrate CNY together. will be all alone. I dont know how can I cope with this. thinking alone already so bad.

 

Don't fall prey to self-pity.  Gay or not gay,  realize your value and learn to love yourself, be your best company,  even speak to yourself  (no, this is not a sign of mental illness)

With your own happiness you will attract others,  and maybe share their company,  if you want to do that.

[Guest Gavin]

13 hours ago, Guest Sad said:

As a gay person. no more looking forward to celebrate CNY together. will be all alone. I dont know how can I cope with this. thinking alone already so bad.

Same situation as you, thinking ahead what's gonna happen. These are unnecessary worrying so try to divert your thoughts. 

[Allegro]

On 2/14/2019 at 8:07 PM, Guest sad said:

never really feel this before but recently been realising that my parents are getting old. really scared that one day they will pass away. or getting old until they become someone that is not they used to be. I know this is part of life. but feel really really sad whenever i think about it. How do you overcome this kind of sadness?

You will become old and die as well. Just live life to the fullest everyday and surround yourself with positive people.

[Guest Negative is Realistic]

5 minutes ago, Allegro said:

You will become old and die as well. Just live life to the fullest everyday and surround yourself with positive people.

Positive people = self-righteous people.  Can be a scary venture to associate with such people when you think about it.

[Freeflybird]

Dying is not diminishing, dying is only changing, it's something natural, we can miss them and still love them, but don't be sad for them.

[mate69]

On 2/16/2019 at 2:01 PM, Allegro said:

You will become old and die as well. Just live life to the fullest everyday and surround yourself with positive people.

 

couldn't have said it any better

[marky]

My mom is in her mid-80s. And her mental faculty has deteriorated since 4 years ago and it is both physically and emotionally draining to look after her as she can be very nasty at times and all wants as much attention as I can possibly give. So how did I manage?

During the difficult and trying times, I always remind myself that our parents looked after us when we were kids... regardless of how naughty or difficult we were. It is only apt that we repay this kindness and patience by doing the same for them. Also take a step back and refrain from saying anything hasty lest you regret it later on. There is wisdom in knowing 'what to overlook'.

 

I dedicate a day exclusively to her. Bring her out for massages, foot reflexology, go on tours or eat her favorite foods. Of cos she forgets all that the moment we get home... That's not important. The important part is that we do our part, everything else is secondary. Nor do we have to do it to please others like our relatives. We answer to our own conscience, not live up to the expectations of bystanders.

 

We are the polar opposites. She is very chatty whereas I'm quite the introvert. It can be quite draining for me to keep talking to her... something only a fellow introvert can understand. So my way of managing this is to watch tv together. This way, we talk when we need to and the rest of the time is spent watching programs together. To others, it may seem unproductive. To me, it is letting her know she has company...

 

I do what I can but also make sure I have my own me time too to remain sane. Of cos individual's case is different, that's for sure. But at the end of the day, should my mom passes on, I can at least say for sure I have nothing to regret over. 

 

Love you mom...

[marky]

Watch this short film... It may help you in those 'trying' times.... 

[Guest sad]

This one also. Watching TV and eating together is so blissful. Once they are gone, no one to accompany us to eat and watch together. come back home "hong liao liao". so many memories on the sofa and the dinner table. 

[Guest guru]

On 2/14/2019 at 8:07 PM, Guest sad said:

never really feel this before but recently been realising that my parents are getting old. really scared that one day they will pass away. or getting old until they become someone that is not they used to be. I know this is part of life. but feel really really sad whenever i think about it. How do you overcome this kind of sadness?

 

firstly, you need to acknowledge the fact that your parents will really leave one day so you cant be 'scared that one day they will pass away'.

 

what you should do is to treat them better and spend more time with them. for example, think again before you start to talk back to them next time.

 

also educate your parents on how to lead a healthier lifestyle - healthier diet, exercise, supplements etc.

 

 

[Guest sad]

20 hours ago, Guest guru said:

 

firstly, you need to acknowledge the fact that your parents will really leave one day so you cant be 'scared that one day they will pass away'.

 

what you should do is to treat them better and spend more time with them. for example, think again before you start to talk back to them next time.

 

also educate your parents on how to lead a healthier lifestyle - healthier diet, exercise, supplements etc.

 

 

I still cant accept that. before this so call awakening, I even have this kind of thinking that once they are gone, I can do whatever I want. but now all I wanted is to spend more time with them eating, going out and watching drama. 

 

I also realised that they have become like my children. they look up for me now instead. I need to slowly  change my mindset because I still have this mindset that I depend on them. 

 

I did buy some supplement last time. but scared now. not sure the supplement will harm them or not. I only buy my mom birdnest. I think that one is quite safe cause its been there since ages. My mom against my father always eat KFC. but also said, aiyah so old already just eat whatever he happy. 

[thorzguy]

This is the harsh reality. As the Chinese say "all banquet will eventually comes to an end". 

We do our best while all of us are still around. And when parents/elderly relatives leave, tell yourself that they are leaving for a better place.

Remember - they take care of us when we were a kid; now that they are aging, it is our time to take care of them. Focus on the positive aspect.

 

[Guest Hmmm!]

16 hours ago, Guest sad said:

I still cant accept that. before this so call awakening, I even have this kind of thinking that once they are gone, I can do whatever I want. but now all I wanted is to spend more time with them eating, going out and watching drama. 

 

I also realised that they have become like my children. they look up for me now instead. I need to slowly  change my mindset because I still have this mindset that I depend on them. 

 

I did buy some supplement last time. but scared now. not sure the supplement will harm them or not. I only buy my mom birdnest. I think that one is quite safe cause its been there since ages. My mom against my father always eat KFC. but also said, aiyah so old already just eat whatever he happy. 

At least not bad that you have this feelings of "responsibility" and "anxiety" over your parents.  It is a good start for your new chapter in life.  Some gay people really BO CHUP and all  that they care is about the inheritance.  Or worse, some place their bf's interest above their own parents.

[loacker]

i myself is facing the same situation too.

few years ago, my dad at the age of 63 passed away after fighting wit cancer for 3 years..i happened to be got about 1 months+ off due to transitioning to a new job..so i went back hometown and able to spent some time with him..everything seems fine, he seems to be recovering, and my new job started, so i had to leave home..about 3 months later, his body condition deteriorated badly, and was at the bed most of time, cant consume much food too, and on the last week, he needed an oxygen station standby beside his bed. I was still on probation with my new company and working on a project, i tot my dad would able to go through it, so i bought ticket planning to delay about a week to go back to see him..but it was too late..if I could back 3 days earlier i would have by his side at least to see him.

 

after my dad departure, 2 years later, my mum suffered from a mild stroke which affect her speech and brain, and now still have not recover yet.  I have seen her body getting thinner, and easily forget some thing, body reflex also slower, and not confident in driving or poor judgement in crossing the road. it is a very sad thing to see the changes b4 and after she got stroke. 

and most heartening is when u cant communicate with ur children, and cant get message across properly, u get frustrated wit urself and i had few times also get fed up with her..but think back this is not she wanted to..

 

but yet, she still never failed to make an effort to cook 5-6 main dishes for the CNY reunion dinner. I would not like her to do so, i would want it to dine out rather than hoping from wet market to wet market just to cook the food for us. She knows what is our favorite dishes, and she did do all the hard work in kitchen. i did went back at least 1 per month to accompany her for few days, bring her to shop around, eat nice food..and at the moment, i would trry my best to accompany her as much as possible. 

 

Thinking back they had brought us up for at least up to 18yo, and the effort is not easy. Now it is time for me to do the opposite when they need us most. I do wish by herside for more time if i am not working abroad.

[Guest disclosed yourself]

On 2/17/2019 at 10:10 PM, Guest guru said:

 

firstly, you need to acknowledge the fact that your parents will really leave one day so you cant be 'scared that one day they will pass away'.

 

what you should do is to treat them better and spend more time with them. for example, think again before you start to talk back to them next time.

 

also educate your parents on how to lead a healthier lifestyle - healthier diet, exercise, supplements etc.

 

 

 

Please practice what you preach first before you preach to others. Thank you.

 

 

 

Anatawa kyowa doko desuka, yubin-kyoku wa doko desu

[Guest disclosed yourself]

On 2/17/2019 at 10:10 PM, Guest guru said:

 

firstly, you need to acknowledge the fact that your parents will really leave one day so you cant be 'scared that one day they will pass away'.

 

what you should do is to treat them better and spend more time with them. for example, think again before you start to talk back to them next time.

 

also educate your parents on how to lead a healthier lifestyle - healthier diet, exercise, supplements etc.

 

 

 

2 minutes ago, Guest disclosed yourself said:

 

Please practice what you preach first before you preach to others. Thank you.

 

 

 

Anatawa kyowa doko desuka, yubin-kyoku wa doko desu

 

Just a warning to all:

The trolling Guest =  Guest 脏子姨 alias Guest Guest alias Guest 犯贱冰冰 alias Guest Guest 2 alias Guest anti mosquito detergent is now hijacking my Guest nick name under "Guest disclosed yourself".  He is just playing some childish games again against me, because he seems unhappy and trying to troll me now.

I did not post this and I never posted any finishing sentence as converted in latin letters of any Japanese phrases.

I regret if this is annoying to you, but I just want to inform you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Maramara nui a Mahi ka riro i a Noho.

[Guest Origins]

On 2/15/2019 at 4:14 PM, Guest Truth said:

Christian won't believe in this.

Oh yes, when their parents of other religion  passed away; they cannot do this, cannot do that to respectfully send their parents. Hope they are happy to find their truth. 

[Guest Guest]

6 minutes ago, Guest disclosed yourself said:

 

 

Just a warning to all:

The trolling Guest =  Guest 脏子姨 alias Guest Guest alias Guest 犯贱冰冰 alias Guest Guest 2 alias Guest anti mosquito detergent is now hijacking my Guest nick name under "Guest disclosed yourself".  He is just playing some childish games again against me, because he seems unhappy and trying to troll me now.

I did not post this and I never posted any finishing sentence as converted in latin letters of any Japanese phrases.

I regret if this is annoying to you, but I just want to inform you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Maramara nui a Mahi ka riro i a Noho.

 

It's pretty annoying.

 

Whatever issue you have with that dirty guest, go sort it out in private instead of spamming the entire forum with your big fonts and senseless ending sentences.

[Guest disclosed yourself]

4 minutes ago, Guest Guest said:

 

It's pretty annoying.

 

Whatever issue you have with that dirty guest, go sort it out in private instead of spamming the entire forum with your big fonts and senseless ending sentences.

 

These childish things of "hijacking" Guest nick names by the trolling Guest =  Guest 脏子姨 alias Guest Guest alias Guest 犯贱冰冰 alias Guest Guest 2 alias Guest anti mosquito detergent are annoying. he initially hijacked my Guest nick "anti mosquito detergent" now "disclosed yourself".

He is behaving like a 3 year old attention seeking child.

And thanks for that silly new proposal to sort things out with that Trolling guest "Guest 脏子姨 alias Guest Guest alias Guest 犯贱冰冰 alias Guest Guest 2" in private if he is hiding behind the shelf of a Guest profiles here...

He is just trying to silence me out here, but this will not happen with such childish silly initiatives.

 

Nobody forces anyone to read my posts or "ending sentences". They are inserted to inform the Blowing Wind community that it is the real disclosed yourself as the Guest Troll starting hijacking my previous guest nick names. There is no rule or regulation on Blowing Wind that "ending sentences" must have a sense.

 

Just stop playing your silly games here, then there is no need to come up with these posts at all.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Te toto o te tangata, he kai; te oranga o te tangata, he whenua.

[Guest disclosed yourself]

1 minute ago, Guest disclosed yourself said:

 

These childish things of "hijacking" Guest nick names by the trolling Guest =  Guest 脏子姨 alias Guest Guest alias Guest 犯贱冰冰 alias Guest Guest 2 alias Guest anti mosquito detergent are annoying. he initially hijacked my Guest nick "anti mosquito detergent" now "disclosed yourself".

He is behaving like a 3 year old attention seeking child.

And thanks for that silly new proposal to sort things out with that Trolling guest "Guest 脏子姨 alias Guest Guest alias Guest 犯贱冰冰 alias Guest Guest 2" in private if he is hiding behind the shelf of a Guest profiles here...

He is just trying to silence me out here, but this will not happen with such childish silly initiatives.

 

Nobody forces anyone to read my posts or "ending sentences". They are inserted to inform the Blowing Wind community that it is the real disclosed yourself as the Guest Troll starting hijacking my previous guest nick names. There is no rule or regulation on Blowing Wind that "ending sentences" must have a sense.

 

Just stop playing your silly games here, then there is no need to come up with these posts at all.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Te toto o te tangata, he kai; te oranga o te tangata, he whenua.

 

 

 

 

 

 

He iti te toki e rite ana ki te tangata.

 

[Guest Membership]

3 hours ago, Guest disclosed yourself said:

 

 

Just a warning to all:

The trolling Guest =  Guest 脏子姨 alias Guest Guest alias Guest 犯贱冰冰 alias Guest Guest 2 alias Guest anti mosquito detergent is now hijacking my Guest nick name under "Guest disclosed yourself".

If you have registered yourself as member, problem can easily be solved. What say you?

[Guest disclosed yourself]

4 hours ago, Guest Membership said:

If you have registered yourself as member, problem can easily be solved. What say you?

 

after you!

 

 

 

 

 

 

He kai iana ta te tou e ho ake.

[Steve5380]

15 hours ago, Guest Membership said:

If you have registered yourself as member, problem can easily be solved. What say you?

 

10 hours ago, Guest disclosed yourself said:

 

after you!

 

He kai iana ta te tou e ho ake.

 

I AM a member, and I say to you very emphatically:

 

If you have a problem with someone impersonating you,  then get a membership, or a new one,  and you won't have this problem.

Please stop ranting about some other guests,  this is not our business and it is corrupting many threads where you post.

Your Greek phrases have become old too.

[share]

On 2/14/2019 at 8:07 PM, Guest sad said:

never really feel this before but recently been realising that my parents are getting old. really scared that one day they will pass away. or getting old until they become someone that is not they used to be. I know this is part of life. but feel really really sad whenever i think about it. How do you overcome this kind of sadness?

Give you a hug. Have to be strong.
It's easier said than done.
My mum just discharge from hospital today (about 1 week). Quite draining & worrying. I myself fall sick running up & down not sure if it's due to the weather or the viruses in the hospital. Her condition is complicated. Stroke &.... She use to be energetic & walk pretty fast. Lost some weight & weaker now, throughout the years.
We have to be strong & keep fit. Or we'll not be able to take care of them.
My dad pass away in his sleep when he was 68. Comforting that I spent a little more time with him b4 that. I felt & I was proud that I grew up. Asked him whether he have enough money to spend, got him his 1st mobile phone & shoes... just small gesture of appreciation.
My father was proud of me.
I'm so sad writing this. Miss him very much.....a part of me went with him...
I believe in treating them well when they're around. It leaves behind fond memories & no regret...
My partner's mum had cancer (2x). Now under observation again...
My partner's dad need kidney dialysis...
It's part of ageing.. All time consuming & taxing...
We have to work harder.
I use to be a sunshine boy. Life experiences makes me a tougher man.
Sometimes don't think too much. Just drop everything go for a vacation (recharge) while you still can.
Take care bro.